01x02 - Running to Lose

[bunniefuu]

(Opera music plays)

Angus: (Loud bang) Oh damn it, not again!

(Hammering)

Daniel: My name is Daniel Addison.

This morning I start my new life as a college professor.

But before that, I have to end my old life by running a political campaign, one I've promised the candidate I'd lose.

I know it sounds like a lot, but I've always been good at juggling, at not spreading myself too thin.

Newscaster: ... Of course these are unconfirmed reports, but our sources tell us that today could be the day Canadians have been waiting for, the day the Prime Minister drops the writ.

Daniel: There it is, my new life awaits.

And oh yeah, finalizing the candidacy of one Angus McClintock, the man I made a deal with, with whom I made a deal.

Angus is my hail mary pass, a professor of engineering who has agreed to be my candidate for Cumberland-Prescott under two conditions... he doesn't do any campaigning, and I take over his english for engineers class.

(Knocking)

(Loud whirring)

(Loud knocking)

Oh, I'm sorry, I... I didn't realize you were busy.

What did you think I was doing here?

Did I not tell you this is my workshop?

(Loud whirring)

I'm sorry, sorry to interrupt you, but I've come with the nomination papers.

What?!

The nomination papers.

You need to sign...

Sign! To make your candidacy official.

I'm a man of my word, lad, leave it there, I'll do it later.

Have you got the syllabus?

Sorry?

The binder, man! The binder.

The collected wisdom of my 20 years of teaching english for engineers.

(Sighs) Better take a look... we leave in half an hour.

Oh my...

(Drill whirs) Oh!

♪ As captain of this band of merry sailors, ♪
♪ I'm a black mark, I'm a failure, ♪
♪ but before you watch me drown, ♪
♪ I'm relinquishing command ♪
♪ for something I don't understand ♪
♪ this man's about to turn his whole life upside down. ♪
♪ I'll settle here on a new shore, ♪ (New shore)

♪ My lips were blue and my legs were sore. ♪
♪ I forget if I was pushed ♪
♪ or I jumped overboard. ♪
♪ And after all this time, ♪
♪ what's the difference. ♪

Newscaster: ... Of course it's a mere formality that she asks the Governor General to dissolve Parliament.

How can I lose to this woman?

Newscaster: ... On a five-week election campaign.

I mean, what does she even stand for?

Newscaster: Which, she hopes, will give her the majority that has so far eluded her.

What are her credentials?

Does she even have a thought in her head?

Oh that's what we're about to find out.

Okay, are we framing the first week?

We've taken a run at your opening speech.

(Snaps fingers) Rachel.

(Snaps fingers)

No. (Marker rasps)

No. (Marker rasps)

Oh, definitely not.

(Marker rasps)

I crossed out the bits I don't like.

(Paper rustles)

Yes!

Hmm.

Okay boys and girls, I did not bring down the Canadian government in order to play footsie with the electorate.

So let's say what we mean, and mean what we say, hmm?

What are the three most famous catchphrases in Canadian politics?

Uh, just watch me.

You had an option, sir.

I vote for you and then it's goodbye, Charlie Brown.

That's it! That's it!

That's what I want.

Get me some of that.

Well, the thing is, and I don't mean to be, to sound, um, what I'm saying is, those were all impromptu, you don't just come up with something like that.

Addington would have.

Stanton: Addison?

Yes. He was a Shakespeare among speech writers.

Remind me why he quit again?

Woman on radio: ... Or, is Canada headed for yet another minority government, and the uncertainty that comes with it?

We'll find out soon enough as the Prime Minister is now just arriving for her meeting with the Queen's representative.

Blather.

I kind of want to listen to that.

You're better off kind of looking over the syllabus.

However, if your modern mind requires a distracting sound, try this.

(Operatic music)

You were listening to that this morning, in your workshop.

Angus: Aye.

Daniel: You just, the one song you like, or... ?

Angus: Oh, that's six, six sighs in seven minutes.

I'm beginning to wonder about your commitment.

Daniel: What, I'm committed.

I just didn't think it was going to be so detailed.

Look, I need a hundred signatures on this thing to support your nomination.

How am I supposed to ask other people to sign it, if you won't?

Angus: Then maybe you were right, maybe it was a bad idea.

What? Wha...

You will not find a hundred people to support my nomination.

Girl: Oh, Professor MCC!

Angus: Good day!

What are you talking about?

You're practically the king of Kensington around here.

If that's a cultural reference, it escapes me. Oh!

Daniel: I'll Google it for you.

(Phone ringing) Addison.

Oh, hello Danny, it's Muriel.

Only my mother calls me Danny.

I'm honoured.

So, do you have any news for me, for example about the name of a candidate?

I hope so.

Hey, hey! Turn that back to the news!

Jerry: You heard the lady.

Hey, hello?

Tv stays on the election coverage.

Muriel: So, about the candidate?

Are you going to be around this afternoon?

Well, I certainly hope so.

Great, I'll see you then.

McClintock, don't you know how to knock?

Here's a knocking, indeed.

What's that from?

It's from MacBeth, you drivel-consuming idiot.

And him a dean.

I'll make this easy for your rumpling.

You, in your wisdom, have decided that I should teach english for engineers, despite the fact that I have endured this particular circle of hell for three out of the past seven years.

Whereas my faculty colleagues have... in spite of the fact that my colleagues have taught this course but once, each.

As I've already said, no one else is available.

Not so. He is.

Allow me to introduce Daniel Addison, associate professor in the faculty of english.

And happy to volunteer for the position of overseer of the department of linguistic corrections.

You can't just pluck someone from another faculty and have them take your place. It's just not done.

Daniel, step outside for a moment, will you, lad.

There's no question that Daniel is qualified to teach this course!

(Muffled arguing)

(Door squeaks open)

(Toilet flushing)

(Sink running)

(Phone ringing)

Dean: You're a son of a bitch, McClintock!

Speech writer.

His aim is a little off.

What happened?

I invoked a darkly held secret, one that I'm loathe to speak of in public.

So you blackmailed him so I could teach your class?

Aye.

Dean: Well, are you coming?

Following yesterday's disappointing events, His Excellency, the Governor General has agreed to dissolve Parliament.

My fellow Canadians...

Norm.

Hmm. Oh, hey Hal.

Hal: So it's come to this?

They've got you covering the election from your desk.

For the election in six years... same words, different weather.

Not worth the price of parking.

Norm, you are a hell of a reporter.

Ha. I knew this day was coming.

Am I getting a buy out?

Hell no, they're all gone.

Reassignment, then.

Just whatever you do, please, don't put me on the pansy patch.

I haven't been to the theatre in 20 years.

Norm relax, you aren't being fired, you aren't being moved, you're covering the election, but from a different angle.

Head office wants every paper in the chain to focus on local candidates who haven't got a chance in hell of winning.

Hmm. (Laughter)

I'm sor... (Laughing)

You're joking, right?

This is the elections Canada list with all the declared candidates in the region.

Pick a riding where the incumbent has a massive plurality.

Have a ball.

(Sighs)

Can I ask who you were a speech writer for?

No, but you may ask for whom he was a speech writer.

George Quimby.

Ah, Quimby.

You'd rather that than this?

Not quite, I'm running the local campaign.

Oh, who's your candidate?

(Laughter) You?

Running for office?

Against Eric Cameron.

(Laughter)

You're going to be a laughing stock, McClintock, you're not going to be able to show your face on campus ever again.

Oh, I'm really going to enjoy this, I really am.

I wish you all the best.

(Laughter)

With everything.

You're not going to listen to that guy, right?

We've still got a deal here, don't we?

Hey, Angus? Angus?

Angus: This is Daniel, your teacher.

Listen, and listen well.

Just the form, your signature on the form.

Angus: Ha ha ha.

Okay.

Well, good morning.

Right.

Spelling, grammar, punctuation.

You're probably wondering, what does that have to do with engineering?

All I need to succeed is a ruler, a plumb line, and a keg of beer.

(Chuckles) Because...

Joke.

Just out of curiosity, how many of you would rather not be here?

Let's turn to the syllabus.

Oh crap.

(Class laughs)

So, in order for you to communicate your ideas clearly, you need a basic understanding of the rules of grammar.

Two M's in grammar.

Maybe I'm biased... in my line of work, my former line of work, words were king.

You see, once upon a time I wrote speeches for politicians, and the words that I wrote not only had to convey meaning, but also emotion.

Stanton: And the Media Riser?

What? No, no, no.

George Quimby does not use a teleprompter.

Hmm.

That was Penny.

We are all systems go, it's going to just be you and a handful of candidates, white, black, brown, young, old.

Feeble?

Feeble.

What about the woman in the wheelchair, feeble and female?

Stanton: Nice. Let me give Penny a call.

How do you like the speech?

I'm not sure like enters into my response.

I'm not looking for paint by numbers, I want a Monet.

I want to make an impression.

I'm going to go change.

I suggest you do the same.

How about a finger painting?

How bad is it?

Oh, he left almost a whole sentence un-crossed out.

Well, it's something to build on.

I need a speech writer.

I've got three guys coming in.

(Exasperated sigh)

Oh, hey, Penny, yeah, the chick in the wheelchair, what's her twenty? Which coast?

Can we chopper her in?

Be a hell of a visual if she was in the sh*t.

So, I've already told you a lot about myself.

Why don't you write something about yourself? Selves.

(Phone ringing)

Take fifteen minutes.

What should we write about?

Your biggest mistake.

How's life with Quimby?

Just gearing up for the big speech, realizing how irreplaceable you are.

Sorry, something wrong with my phone, sounded like you were flattering me.

I'm just giving credit where it's due.

This stuff ain't easy.

If my landlord heard you say ain't, you'd be in for a tongue lashing.

I could use a good tongue lashing.

Anyway, I was just wondering about you know your inspiration?

Daniel: My inspiration?

Yeah. How did you come up with those great lines of yours?

Which great lines, the ones Bradley liked to punch up?

Everybody knows your first drafts were always golden.

Come on, spill.

Daniel: Look, Rachel, I already told you, I'm not coming back, not even as an advisor. I'm out of the game.

Not even for old time's sake?

Yeah, well it's the old times I'm trying to forget.

Good luck with it.

Daniel...

Daniel: Goodbye, Rachel.

(Beeps phone off)

♪

Come on, where's the damn syllabus?

♪

(Door squeaks open)

(Clears throat)

My biggest mistake was when I was about eleven, I got my bike stole.

Stoled? Stolened.

Irregardless, I decided to press on, sure the river was moving quick, but so was the light.

Was that a coyote?

Girl: It was not my mistake, but Ecouliet left me feeling with rage.

(Tense exhale)

Pete: Be that what it will, maybe I should have followed the desires of my heart and gone into political studies.

But hey, life's too short for memories.

(Clapping)

Pete 2: Yo, you k*lled it.

Okay, good, excellent, excellent.

No. That's a good place to start.

All right, see you next time.

(Phone ringing)

Addison.

Yes, Bradley, it's all under control.

Okay? Yeah, I got the signature, yes I do.

Look, the papers will be in.

Bradley, do you not have anything better to do than thr*aten me with a tax assessment?

Fine. Goodbye.

Professor, my name is Pete, and this is Pete two.

Pete two, what like, the second?

Sure.

We were just wondering if you could possibly give us any advice on like whatever, the election.

The federal election?

Oh, we were totally stoked when you said that thing in class of "I used to write speeches."

We're like, this guy's been there.

We're called the political youth group, we're trying to overcome like, student apathy.

We have a clubhouse and cards.

Uh, all right. Well um, my office hours are posted on the door, boys.

Pete: What a douche.

Muriel: But who is he? I've never heard of Angus Macintosh.

Daniel: McClintock, and Muriel you should be rejoicing that I found anyone at all.

I didn't expect you to sign up just anyone.

I was talking to statues at the park.

Muriel, nobody, nobody wanted to take this on, except the good professor.

What are his policies?

In fact, Muriel, he won't have anything to say about them.

We're going to run a stealth campaign... no posters, no lawn signs, no street and greets, he won't even attend the all-candidate meetings.

What kind of a campaign is that?

You see he lost his beloved wife recently.

Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that, but...

In fact I think you know her, or know of her, anyway.

Marin Lee? Was his wife?

(Sympathetic exhale)

(Exhales)

I should just tell her, Muriel don't sign, it's a sham.

But it's come to this, manipulation.

The very thing I've always hated, and now I'm doing it.

(Jerry knocks)

At ease, soldier, just reporting for duty.

I don't think we were properly introduced the last time.

Oh really, the chokehold isn't your usual form of greeting?

(Chuckles)

Jerry Stockton.

Daniel Addis-oh, wow, quite a grip you've got there, Jerry.

Jerry was in the w*r.

World w*r II.

No, Korea.

Face to face with the scourge of communism.

See these hands?

They've waited 60 years to k*ll again.

Muriel: Stop it, Jerry, you're scaring the boy.

Jerry, if you could just sign right here.

Well, if we need a hundred people to endorse a nomination, I thought Jerry could be useful.

Mm-hmm.

Consider it done.

(Laughing)

Daniel: They're signing willingly, I hope.

Oh yes, of course.

Oh don't worry dear, beneath all that bluster is a man with the gentlest of touches.

We'll have a hundred names before lunch.

Oh, would you like to stay?

Uh, I grabbed a sandwich back on campus.

Besides I need to stop by national HQ and see if they'll cover the deposit, oh, and get started on the brochure.

For the stealth campaign.

It's our one concession to politics, as usual.

So, I'll see you tomorrow then.

Hm-hm.

Hey gran. Linds!

What a lovely surprise.

Lindsay: I thought I'd drop by for lunch.

You're Daniel.

Ya hmm!

Yes, I actually said, ya hmm!

It's because what I meant to say by way of response was garbled by the sudden chemical expl*si*n in my brain.

So, you sure you won't stay for lunch?

Uh, you know what it actually might make sense for me to wait until Jerry has, got the, has the finished signatures.

I'm so glad.

And you know, the food is not half-bad.

Okay, so, here is the deal.

We need to stake out three key issues for our local candidate.

Then I'll run them past him, and then I'll work them up into a reasonable facsimile.

Jerry: Here's a local issue.

We need longer signals for traffic lights.

Yeah, that's a little too local.

Is it? You tried crossing at the lights of late?

Those countdowns simply don't take into account the fact that some of us, not me, are slowing down.

I think that's an excellent proposal, Jerry.

I mean, we could contextualize it, um, maybe improving street safety for our aging, but still ambulatory, population.

Jerry: Who needs an ambulance?

It means you can still walk.

I can do plenty more than walk.

Okay, look, I do appreciate the help, but the fact is...

Marjorie: What we need is old age security that stays in line with the cost of living.

That's good, but that's a national issue.

Marjorie: Ah, not to us, it ain't.

Donald: Yeah, but aren't all politics local?

Residents: Yeah. Free transit for seniors.

Discount for the movie shows.

Mandatory visits by grandchildren.

Okay, okay folks, hold it, hold it, hold it, everybody, I really, I do appreciate the input.

I'm just trying to write a campaign flyer here, okay?

It's not a democracy.

I look forward to this election as an opportunity to fight for the Canada that we all once knew and loved, a Canada of caring, of compassion.

A Canada for all people no matter their race, their colour, or their standing.

And so I say to the Prime Minister, ma'am, you had an option, sir.

You were elected on your promise to restore this country's greatness, but once you got in, it was goodbye Charlie Brown.

And if you don't think that we can snatch the ball from you, I say, just watch us.

Thank you. Merci beaucoup. Merci beaucoup.

(Applause)

Always working?

Oh, no, no.

Oh there's my bus, see ya.

♪

Lindsay: Gran asked me to update the list for you.

Daniel: The list?

She asked me to update the canvassing schedule and the list of priority posts.

Oh.

I helped her out doing her last campaign, so.

Oh, that's great because we can use all the help we can get.

Stop announcement: Next stop, Subach Street.

(Stop request dings)

Oh, well, this is me.

Here?

Yeah.

Daniel: There you go.

Sorry.

Whoa.

Are you going to be at school tomorrow, because I can drop it off, the list?

Oh, no, you don't have to come all the way out there.

I go to U of O.

Oh.

I'm doing an M.A. in kinesiology.

I guess gran didn't mention that either.

No.

Okay, well, bye.

(Laughs) Bye.

Kinesiology, study of the body in motion. Uh...

(Crows caw)

(Knocking)

Hey. Ooh! What is this?

I'll tell you when you're older.

How was the first day of class?

Fascinating.

I guess so, seeing as how you must have had to wing it.

Where did the... Oh.

A janitor found it.

Glad you think so highly of my accumulated wisdom.

Honest mistake. I was distracted.

I'll take better care of it.

Now, look I wanted to go over some points with you for the campaign brochure.

Not interested.

It'll only take a minute.

It's already taken more time than I'm willing to give.

Or have you forgotten our agreement?

Uh, no, no, I haven't. Have you?

Leave it there, lad.

(Sighs)

It's a water purification system, my wife's idea.

The water in northern communities is a disgrace... full of contaminants, especially on reserves.

The shame of the nation.

I'm drawing water from the ottawa river, cleaning it with this baby.

That's the idea, anyway.

Wow, Angus, that's...

I mean...

Can... can we use this in the campaign brochure?

Not on your bloody life.

I'll not have this work sullied by being turned into a cheap tactic to win votes.

No, of course not, I didn't mean to...

I'm sorry.

The binder.

♪

Thousand dollars, that's one comma zero zero z... I'm sorry?

Well, who can authorize it then?

(Knocking)

Uh-huh? And when will he be in?

Fine, I'll drop by in an hour then.

Thank you. Come in!

Hey.

Hey, Lindsay, hi.

I'm just about to go for a run, but I thought I'd drop off the canvassing schedule.

The can... yes, perfect, yes, yes, yes.

Wow, that's a lot of ground to cover.

Any chance you want to come knock on a few doors with me or... ?

I would, honestly, but if I don't get in fifteen miles today, I'm totally screwed.

Yeah, you and me both, kiddo.

(Chuckles)

Um, but I would really like to help out, so another time, okay?

Yeah, for sure. Enjoy your run.

Thanks.

Uh, kiddo?

♪

Pete: Hey dude, these are heavy.

Hey, you guys said you wanted to overcome student apathy, right, you're almost there!

(Phone ringing)

Oh crap.

Hey, pick them up, please.

Daniel Addison?

Uh, is this the McClintock campaign?

Uh huh, who's this?

Norm: Norm Fontana, Ottawa Tribune.

Is this the Daniel Addison, ace speech writer for George Quimby?

And what can I do for you?

Norm: I'd like to snag a one on one.

Uh yeah, I can't right now.

Norm: With the candidate, son.

Right, yeah, the thing is...

Norm look, um...

Let me put it straight to you.

Chain's running a series called "Can't win candidates" and your boy's the local feature.

Wait a second you're, sorry, you're suggesting running an article in the first week of the campaign about how my guy is basically unelectable?

He is basically unelectable.

Suppose we let the electorate decide that, okay?

He's not doing any interviews.

Come on, buddy, I'm going to give your guy press he can show his grandchildren about what a decent, upstanding citizen he was, and how he took one for the team.

He doesn't have grandchildren, so, thank you.

Why am I even arguing with this guy?

Angus wants to lose, and I want Angus to lose.

I really hope he didn't hear that.

Guys let's go, let's go, I gotta to stop by the national campaign office to pick up a cheque.

♪

I couldn't help it, dude, it was a great episode.

Nice.

Hey, what's in the box?

Well, that's kind of a funny story, you see the national campaign they won't put up the thou we need to file Angus' nomination papers.

They were able to offer us a free box of t-shirts, with a slight imperfection.

Who's Chang?

Pete: How did they get the signs up so fast?

Daniel: They probably kept them in the garage since the last election.

(Rings doorbell)

Hi, I'm Daniel Addison, and I'm here on behalf of...

(door slams) Okay.

(Rings doorbell)

Hi, I'm...

The devil!

Okay, P one, you take the evens, P two you take the odds.

You couldn't possibly do worse than I just did.

Okay, but what if they want to talk to the candidate.

Uh, you just make something up.

You wish to speak to the candidate?

Oh bummer, he just went into the house up the street there, but I could totally see if he could drop by later.

Yo, may I interest you in this awesome...

(dog growling, barks) Ah!

Hi, and good afternoon to you sir.

How are you this fine afternoon?

I'm good.

Okay, doggy.

I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it.

(Dog barking) You do it! You do it!

Ow! Okay, okay.

(Chatter, music)

Pete: Dude, how can you eat?

Daniel: Hmm?

Pete: That was like, wrong.

Daniel: Oh, au contraire.

Guys, you know the party has never taken more than one half of one percent of the vote in this polling area, and look at you guys, you guys found someone who said she would consider voting for Angus.

One person liked the sound of his name.

Little acorns, my friends, little acorns.

Oh, Daniel, dude, meeting voters sucks.

Yeah.

Okay, we need to totally social network it up.

Bro, yo! Pete's dad got him 7D for christmas, man, this thing is awesome.

Awesome.

Yo, we could put together some videos, post them on Youtube.

Yes! Yeah! Agh!

Daniel: But we won't, we won't, we won't, because as I explained we're going low-fi, right?

No viral videos, no plugs, no pokes, no tweets, no likes.

Dude, are you trying to lose?

(Footsteps)

Daniel: Week one is coming to an end.

The campaign is off and running and so am I.

(Shoes shuffling)

I know what you're thinking, I'm trying to ingratiate myself with Lindsay.

No, no, no, no, see, she just reminded me, that's all.

I used to run, I used to be active, before I became 24-7 policy walk.

Well, I walk no more, my life is mine.

Huh?

Agh! I'm okay.

(Wheezing, snoring)

Water!

(Groans) Scare easily, do ya?

Sorry, I didn't see you in my apartment.

Here, go ahead.

This isn't from your rube goldberg tap, is it?

Oh no, laddie, I'm a long way from finishing it.

I'd explain, but...

Well, you don't want to hear me discuss flocculation.

Cheers.

I, I came up here to talk to you about the campaign.

Is that what we're calling it?

There's a wellspring of support for me on campus.

I'm listening.

Both the board of governors and the faculty association passed motions yesterday supporting my candidacy.

It's a formality.

Well, yeah, perhaps.

But yesterday I was cornered in the campus pub by a young woman from the student paper demanding an interview.

You didn't give her one, did you?

I'd had a few beers and was feeling expansive.

How expansive, Angus?

I cannot recall, but I'm sure it's going to be the most fulsome puff piece ever written.

Oh.

My candidacy will gain a profile it was never intended to have.

Now I admit it was wrong of me to speak, but it's up to you as my manager to do something about it.

What is it you think I can do?

Well, that's your business.

I've not yet signed.

Oh. That's low.

I knew you'd understand, laddie.

Huh, glad you enjoyed a taste of the Ottawa River.

(Spitting water)

(Chuckles)

(Groans)

(Sniffs)

(Beeps phone on)

(Practicing) Hey, hey, it's Daniel.

Hi! Hi, it's me, it's Daniel.

Ah, is this a good time?

I really appreciate this.

Lindsay: I'm glad you called.

I felt like a complete wuss when I couldn't help you out the other day.

Well, you had your run to do, right?

By the way, I was wondering if I could maybe get some tips from you, some like, some running tips?

You run?

Well, I don't know if I call myself a runner, per se, but...

Show time.

(Truck rumbles off)

(Door slams)

Easy peasy.

Well hurry, he's getting away.

(Starts engine and rumbles off)

♪

Lindsay: Now what?

Thank you.

Lucky.

Okay.

(Groans)

Huh, oh, very nice.

(Chuckles)

Listen to this, "every candidate in this country should be thinking first about the national interest, second, about their constituents' interest, and third, about their own interest."

This is good stuff.

I thought you'd said you'd already it.

You said it was full of factual errors.

It is!

And that's why it's such a shame we've got to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Of course I would rather be lying with her than to her.

How can I look into those dreamy eyes that seem to change colour with the light, and tell her that I'm running a dummy campaign.

The only reason we're destroying these papers because it makes our guy look good.

No, no! It doesn't make any sense, but at the moment nothing in my life really does.

And that's the last of them.

All right.

(Raccoons squeaking)

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Is that a? Uh...

(Raccoons chitter)

Let's just say we don't find out, let's go. Okay.

The look on your face.

My face? Your face!

Oh my god, it was probably just a rat.

Uh, rats are scary, okay?

Fearsome, I should know, I spent years writing speeches for them.

Oh. (Chuckles)

I should go.

Hey, thank you for helping.

Yeah, any time.

And hey, thanks for including gran in this.

No thanks required, really.

I don't think you know how much it means to her.

Everybody had written her off, taken her for granted, then along comes this hotshot from the leader's office, asking her advice, counting on her.

So thanks.

Lindsay...

No, no, you don't have to say anything in return.

In fact, I'd kind of prefer it if you kept your lips together for a second.

(Phone ringing)

You're a busy man.

I'm... I'm not that busy.

I have a big run in the morning, so, good night.

Good night. Ah!

(Phone ringing)

Addison.

I'm going to cut you in two, Addison, I'm going to remove your organs without anaesthetic, and I'm going to leave them for the birds to pluck.

And then, I'm going to k*ll the birds and serve them to your mother for dinner.

My mother is vegan.

Stanton: Who the hell told you to let your guy loose like that, hmm?

Dissing the policies of his own party?

And what is this crap about serving the interest of the country first?

You read a student newspaper?

Voters vote for local issues.

Yeah, I think what he meant to say...

Stanton: I don't care what he was trying to say, he said it.

And the next time he spews that kind of idealistic garbage, it's on your head.

I don't know what rock you found this bagpiper under, but you stuff him back under that rock until every last ballot is counted, recounted, and sealed! Capisce?

Sure, capisce.

(Car rumbles)

(Door slams)

(Sighs) Angus. Angus!

It's in your room.

What is?

Angus: The binder.

It was turned in by a parking lot attendant.

I don't think you're taking our deal very seriously.

Oh I am, I am, that is why I have come for the nomination papers, signed.

Haven't got to it yet.

Daniel: Well, then you'll get to it now, because I just got yelled at, and I don't like getting yelled at, Angus.

We made a deal, okay?

You stand for election, I stand for your class, we both win, right? Wrong!

Because not only am I not winning, I am losing here.

And you know what I am losing?

I am losing my self-respect.

I manipulated a sweet, old woman into backing your nomination, and lied to her wonderful, trusting, beautiful granddaughter.

Just sign the damn forms so we can get on with the business of losing this damn election. Okay?

(Water splashes)

Clothes!

Have you never seen another man naked before?

Not one who has a key to my room.

You could use a dip yourself.

(Sighs)

There you are.

Only you haven't convinced me you want to lose.

Oh but I do, I do.

I want to lose big.

I want to be trounced, I want to be buried in a landslide, I want to be humiliated.

Me thinks the laddie doth protest too much.

If you really wanted to be out, you'd be out.

But I could see it the night we struck our wee deal, you love it.

It's in your blood, lad, it courses through you like the river cuts through the land.

I'm sorry. I uh... we shouldn't have made this deal.

No, I'm not sure marin would have approved.

She had no love for politics, or politicians.

She put her faith in action, like the work I'm doing.

The song. Her favourite.

Hmm.

Angus, if you want to back out...

I've never backed out of a thing in my life, laddie.

Okay.

Okay, well then from here on in, no more interviews, no more anything, really.

And four weeks from now, this'll all be over.

You will have lost, I will have won, and we can both get on with our lives.

Okay.

(Heavy sigh)

(Grunts)

(Glass clinks, liquid pours)

(Emotional breaths)

My friends, Canada.

Announcer: Next Monday...

Stand on guard for thee!

Hut hut!

Ow.

Woo hoo hoo!

Announcer: The Best Laid Plans.
Welcome to the monkey cage.
Announcer: Next Monday at 9:00 on CBC.