01x07 - I'm So Happy That Josh Is So Happy!

Look, I get it, Greg is your Jacob, but we all know you're going to end up with Edward.

Because you're Bella.

What is that reference?

It's on the tip of my tongue.

It's... (gasps) Twilight.

Twilight, yes.

It's only the greatest love story since Shakespeare... In Love.

Right. Yeah.

Right, yeah, okay.

What are you talking about again?

You spent Thanksgiving with Greg, and that was not part of our plan.

You need to be with Josh.

If not for you, then for me.

Why?

I need this.

My marriage is like The Walking Dead, okay?

We are all just trying to get out alive.

You and Josh, your love story... it gives me hope.

What love story?

♪ I was working hard at a New York job ♪
♪ Making dough but it made me blue ♪
♪ One day I was crying a lot ♪
♪ And so I decided to move ♪
♪ To West Covina, California ♪
♪ Brand-new pals and new career ♪
♪ It happens to be where Josh lives ♪
♪ But that's not why I'm here ♪

♪ She's the crazy ex-girlfriend ♪
♪ What? No, I'm not. ♪
♪ She's the crazy ex-girlfriend ♪

That's a sexist term.

♪ She's the crazy ex-girlfriend ♪

Can you guys stop singing for just a second?

♪ She's so broken inside ♪

The situation's a lot more nuanced than that.

♪ C-R-A-Z-Y ♪

Okay! We get it!

(phone chimes)

Oh, is that Greg again? Look at that.

He has texted you six times already today.

Yeah, because he is my friend.

We're friends.

We're gonna go to a movie as friends.

It's like he's a stalker.

Okay? No one likes a stalker.

Oh.

The eagle and the bitch have landed.

Rebecca: Really? Let me see.

Let me see. Let me see.

Um, Joshy, do you need, um, glasses?

Because the door is right over there.

(grunting) Oh. My bad, babe.

Okay, well...

I hope they like the rice cooker I got them.

Everyone likes rice, right?

It's a very versatile grain.

What? Are you crazy?

You don't want them snuggling up over the one dish that connects their cultures.

I'm gonna go give them this gift. Okay.

I'll be right back, okay?

Forget the gift.

Forget about the gift.

I am just trying to snap you back into reality, because now that Josh and Valencia are living together, you are not gonna have any more alone time with him.

Well, you know what?

I just want him to be happy.

Ooh! (laughs)

Oh, my gosh, Joshy, I'm so glad we finally moved in together.

It's the beginning of our happily ever after.

Yes, it's cool. Plus, we'll be close to...

Marriage? Kids?

I was going to say Taco Bell.

There's only one thing missing.

The salsa? You just ask for it.

No, furniture, Joshy.

I mean, we don't even have a dining room table.

But we'll get one.

Let's burn sage.

Shoot, I forgot to get that.

Joshy, I needed that sage to cleanse the house of evil spirits.

Ghosts are obsessed with me.

I'll get it right now.

I love you.

Paula: Ugh, I hate her.

She's worse than all the Kardashians combined.

Except for Caitlyn, who is a national hero.

I'm just gonna call Josh and see if it's cool that I come over.

Do you need me to call Valencia from a burner phone and tell her there's been a murder at the yoga studio so you and Josh can have more alone time?

You came up with that way too quickly.

(Rebecca exhales)

(phone ringing)

Oh, he pressed “ignore”"

Oh... oh... that doesn't feel good.

It's fine, it's fine.

He's busy.

I get it, I'm busy, too!

I won't even think about it.

(elevator bell dings)

I don't want to feel this way.

I reject this feeling.

I respectfully decline this feeling.

Hey, here she is!

Here's my MVP.

You ready to kick butt at that meeting?

Huh?

(laughs nervously)

Calvin Young is the most important potential client we have ever had.

I'm joking.

(laughing)

I mean, he is.

I mean, landing him would make us West Covina's premiere law firm.

But, by the time you knock his socks off today, wine and dine him over the weekend and then do your presentation on Monday, he will be...

Putty in our hands.

Oh.

Are you okay?

I mean, you look a little peaked.

Never felt better. Uh-huh.

I definitely won't press ignore... on this case.

Okay.

What?

“Mr. Young, I know that you have your choice of law firms to represent you in this matter of Josh moving into a new apartment with his hot girlfriend... ”

No! I typed that?

(whimpers)

(breathing deeply)

(inhales sharply)

Oh...

No, no, no, no, no, no.

(panting)

Well, then, why do I have you in the office?

Huh? Gotcha there, bottle.

Oh...

Announcer: And here's a health messages from TV's favorite doctor.

Do you know the signs and symptoms of the dreaded panic attack?

Well, if you don't, you need to join me for my week long marathon where I'm gonna teach you how to identify the symptoms, such as shortness of breath... (breathing shallowly) heart palpitations, the urge to self-medicate with drugs and booze.

Karen: He's here!

Whole firm is counting on you.

Okay, I'm coming.

(elevator bell dings)

♪ ♪

Scott, I am asking you to drive carpool for one day.

I do it every day.

Oh... fine.

Fine, okay, whatever, I gotta go.

(sighs)

It's nice to... feel appreciated.

Mmm.

Your perfume is delightful.

Thank you.

I rubbed a magazine on myself this morning.

Well, it smells like a cherub dancing in the morning dew.

Oh.

I'm Calvin Young.

Ah!

Paula Proctor.

Welcome to Whitefeather.

(chuckles)

Are we, by chance, going to the same meeting?

Yes.

Follow me.

Calvin Young. Nice to meet you.

Hi, Karen, the case assistant.

Please excuse my handshake.

I have naturally damp hands.

It's a medical condition.

I am in some studies.

Shall we be seated?

(clears throat) You okay?

Mm? Mm.

May I get you some coffee, Mr. Young?

Yes.

Uh, French press, if you have it.

French press.

Mr. Young, we are so excited to have this opportunity to bring you into the Whitefeather family.

'Cause that's what we are.

A family that can help you acquire the industrial acreage you're looking for.

Well, I am pleased to be here, Darryl.

Darryl: Well, we are determined to show you everything that we're capable of.

(distantly): And to do that...

I can think of no one else but our closer.

(normal voice): Um, why don't you take it away, there, Rebecca?

Rebecca?

Hmm?

(whispering): Would you please take it away?

(clears throat)

Welcome, Calvin.

Oh, my God, your teeth are blue.

Have you been drinking the water from the toilet?

Oh, crap.

It's ink. Must've been from my pen cup.

(laughs apologetically)

(clears throat)

(laughs nervously)

Okay.

Welcome... to Joshfeather.

Darryl: Oh...

White... feather.

Oh, God.

What happened to you in there?

That's not the Rebecca I know.

I mean, something is wrong.

Karen said that she smells vodka on you.

Well, that's ridiculous. Vodka doesn't smell.

Listen, Darryl, I know I didn't bring my “A” game...

I think you need to go home.

Wait, are you taking me off the case?

Please don't take me off the case, because if you take me off the case, that means I'm not working and if I'm not working, that means I have to think thoughts.

Okay, you're not off the case.

(exhales)

But go home and work on the presentation.

And then, when you come back on Monday, I want you to be the happy Rebecca that we all know and love.

Such a good tip.

So helpful.

“Be happy.”

♪ ♪

(phone ringing)

Hi, Paula.

Hey, are you okay?

I got back with Calvin's fancy coffee and Darryl said you weren't feeling well and you went home.

Yeah. Yeah, my blood sugar was a little low, so I decided to just come home and really focus on the presentation all weekend.

Hey, are you sure you're cool to do the Calvin dinner without me?

Well, I'll do my best.

Okay. Uh, I gotta hop off.

I'm really working hard here. Bye!

(turns on TV)

It's important to deal with one's feelings head-on, because repressed feelings lead to depression.

What do you know?

Repression equals depression.

That is...

(French music playing)

I'm tired, too.

I'm depressed, too.

Man... the French really know how to make depression look sexy.

(French accent): ♪ My eyes are dark from sadness ♪
♪ My lips are red from pain ♪
♪ My bosom heaves with sobs ♪
♪ I'm in a sexy French depression ♪
♪ I walk oh so slowly ♪
♪ I can only breathe and sigh ♪

(sighs)

♪ My bed smells like a tampon ♪
♪ I'm in a sexy French depression ♪

(singing in French)

Ooh, chocolat.

♪ I black out with dessert wine ♪

Oui.

Je suis garbage.

♪ This grout needs to be redone ♪
♪ I'm in a sexy French depression ♪
♪ I'm in a sexy ♪
♪ French ♪
♪ Depression. ♪

There is nothing sexy about depression, Rebecca.

Listen, you better get your act together, young lady, or you're gonna run this new life off in the ditch.

How did you get in here?

Well, your depressed mind invited me in.

And by the way, this place is a dump.

You ever think about maybe hanging a little art in here or something, anything?

Maybe a mural?

I don't know about this.

Are you sure this is the dining table she wants?

I don't know.

I want to surprise her.

Surprise her?

With furniture?

She's very picky, dude.

Yeah, yesterday you got in trouble because you bought the wrong kind of sage.

You bought the kind you put in food, not the kind you scare ghosts away with.

Valencia's intense, bro.

As sexy as she is, she's intense.

She has final approval over all your clothing.

Yeah, you know... yes.

I really miss your cargo’s. We all do.

Guys, I'm committed to this relationship.

I want to contribute.

You know? She's done everything.

She picked out the apartment, she booked the moving trucks.

We're supposed to be a team and I want to do something for her.

So we gonna do this or what?

Yes. Yes, we are going to do this.

Guys, we can bang this out.

According to this, it is a very simple 72-step process.

72-step process.

Oh, hell no.

Okay. We're not doing that.

We lost Hector.

Dr. Phil: What are you looking for?

Oh, my God, you're still here.

Tell it to me straight.

Am I schizophrenic?

I'm not really here.

I'm just in your imagination.

(exhales)

I mean, let's face it: you do have a very active imagination.

One minute, you're walking down the street, the next minute, you're in a big musical.

Although, I gotta say, I did love the pretzel.

You did a good job on that one.

Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Aw, it's a shoelace tip.

Ugh, that's gross.

Oh, my God, you're looking for prescription meds in a drawer?

So? Listen, when I moved here, I thought I was okay, so I dumped them all my meds and now, you know, I realize that I'm not okay.

I mean, look at me, I'm falling apart here.

This is really bad.

So if I can just get my old prescription meds back, I'll be okay.

Uh, here's a thought.

Anxiety, depression... how about you see a doctor first?

I'll go do that. Ten steps ahead of you.

Thank you so much for seeing me on such short notice, Dr. Akopian.

What can I help you with?

Yeah...

I'm not myself right now.

We're always ourselves, Rebecca.

Right. Yeah.

No, so I don't feel like myself.

This isn't usually how I am.

Like, I'm normally very organized and focused.

Sounds like you're feeling out of control.

Let's delve into your childhood.

Oh, I was afraid you'd say that.

Okay, so, I've been through the therapy wringer, I've rehashed my childhood a ton.

And I don't really want to do it again.

Like, for me and for you, frankly, I don't want to put that on you.

So here's what I need.

I need these.

Those are the meds I was on in New York.

Oh, my God.

How did your body react to all this medication?

You must not have been able to feel a thing.

Exactly. Numb as they come.

So... scribble scribble on your pizzle pad.

Rebecca, your doctor in New York is a quack.

He gave you a Band-Aid, not a cure.

My method would be to do some digging and figure out what's really going on inside your mind.

And then we can discuss the appropriate medications.

So that's great, but I need to be better by Monday.

It's a work thing, so...

We doing this?

No, we're not.

Okay.

Okay, well, you know what?

You'll be hearing from me on Yelp.

Um, where is your rest room?

♪ ♪

Darryl: Say, what time is your husband joining us?

Oh, Scott?

He bailed at the last minute.

He has rehearsal for his singing group.

And that's more important than this?

I don't mind. I'm fine.

He does what he wants to do, I don't care.

I do what I want to do, he doesn't care.

It's basically the storybook romance I dreamed of as a little girl.

Aw, you see? You guys get each other.

That's so cool.

(doorbell rings)

How are my eyebrows?

Don't care.

They can be wonky.

(inhales)

Few people know this, but bald eagles aren't bald at all.

You see, the name actually derives from a word meaning “white headed.”

And being a “white feather,” well, I've always felt very connected to our national bird.

Actually, it's my spirit animal.

May I just say this is an adorable red?

(both laugh)

Unconventionally alluring, with the soul of a poet.

Thank you.

I got it at the gas station, but in the ten-dollar bin.

In the future, you really should try some of the Arizona wines.

Blend those with a smooth Camembert...

Mmm! Heaven.

Oh, I am imagining that.

Mmm... Camembert.

It's fun to say.

Oh, you know what?

Let's play a game.

Oh! Yeah.

You tell me everything about you, don't skip a thing, go.

Darryl: Okay.

I was born in Irvine, California.

Um, my favorite color is green...

Not you.

Oh.

Ladies first.

Of course. I'm sorry.

You know what? Calvin, you're the guest, so you should go first. Go ahead.

Okay, well, um, I was born in Prescott, but I knew a small town wasn't for me, so I moved to the big city.

Phoenix?

Tucson.

Right.

Yeah, and I, uh, met my lovely wife.

Ten years of bliss... and then she died.

No!

(clears throat)

It was a, uh, short and tragic illness.

(choked up): The last thing she said was...

“Calvin, be happy. Take life and... and grab it.”

And you should.

You should take whatever you want.

Just take and grab.

Hmm.

I'm gonna roll.

Okay.

Okay, let's see... pink pill with the number 55 on it...

Yes! ADD medication.

I've always wanted to take this.

Wait a minute.

What?

Do-do I really need to tell you don't take a pill you found on the bathroom floor next to the toilet?

Here me out, Dr. Phil.

It improves focus and promotes goal-directed behavior.

That's exactly the mojo that I need.

Rebecca, I know what it says, and I know what you need.

You need to focus on this: Josh could find you if he wanted to.

You have made yourself really easy to find.

You have been rejected.

Rejected.

He doesn't want you.

That's reality. Deal with it.

No. I'm not gonna listen to you. You talk silly.

Oh, my God.

Oh, what's that, little pill?

“Eat me, Rebecca”?

Well, I think I will.

Pills don't talk.

Don't take it.

(water running)

She took it.

Let's get to work.

All right, let's see this presentation...

What is Karen doing?

She put two spaces after a period.

What is this, 1997?

Well, those have to go.

Okay! Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's kicking in right now.

Okay.

And what are these, Oxford commas?

Well, those have to go, too.

I just gotta... I just gotta edit this whole thing before I even start.


Karen!

I would love to show you around tomorrow morning.

There's, um, the Chino Hills State Park, the Azusa Fish Canyon Falls.

May I be so bold as to inquire your availability and whereabouts tomorrow afternoon?

Uh, what?

Do you like jazz?

Hot jazz?

Is there any other kind?

There's a small place in South Pasadena.

My friends who blow horn say it's the best little jazz boîte in town.

Would you and your husband like to join me for some smooth licks?

I would.

Mmm.

I would.

Uh, but he's, uh, busy.

(clears throat)

He's... with rehearsal for his singing group.

He's always busy.

(both laugh)

And, you know, he's not much of a licker.

Uh-huh.

What time do you want to pick me up?

Uh... (chuckling)

♪ ♪

Okay, so I've been up all night and I hung the fish, painted the walls, put up the mural, cleaned out the fridge, redid the grout in the bathroom and for the finishing touch... You're gonna be so excited!

Ta-da!

Christmas lights!

So, may I ask who's crazy now?

I never said you were crazy.

That's a derogatory term and I don't think it really applies to you.

Where were you in my senior gender studies class?

We'll talk about that later.

For now, it's time to get down to business.

But you know, before I get down to business, I'm just gonna see what my friends are up to.

Instagram, oh!

Valencia posted a lovely picture of them in their new bedroom.

It says ♪ Christened... How nice.

Oh, nice to hear.

How's that working for you?

I don't understand your question.

But you know what, I'm starting to realize that maybe that pill was not what I needed.

(laughs) Oh, there's a shocker.

Just spare me.

Spare me the wisecracks.

(line ringing)

Hey, it's me.

You got any downers?

Is this enough of a downer for you?

Oh, my God.

I'm relaxed. I could just melt into the chair, like, like a butter lady.

That's good.

No, that's bad.

Because I can't get work done right now.

Oh, I have an idea.

It's the most fantastic-iest idea.

(both laughing)

That's not a real word.

Seriously, seriously, seriously.

Seriously, are you busy right now?

No.

(phone ringing)

Oh...

Honey, hi.

(clears his throat)

Yeah, I-I'll be home in, like, an hour, tops.

Thanks, Booboo.

(groans)

Valencia's so mad at me.

We've been here all night, and I haven't even finished sorting the screws.

Josh, there's still time to bail.

On the table, I mean.

We were friends with you before we even met this table.

Uh, the truth is none of us really even like the current table.

I hate this table.

We don't like, um, this table.

And you're going to ruin your life if you stick with this table.

Bros before... tables.

I think it's a nice thing you're doing.

Nicest thing I ever did for a girl was pull out.

Hector?

She has tandem parking, so after I'm there for a while, I have to pull out.

Oh.

Which is such a pain, 'cause it feels so great just to leave it in there.

The worst is when it's alternate side of the street parking, 'cause then I got to park it in back.

I don't even get why there's a spot back there.

It's so tight.

Feels more like an exit.

So then I'm going front, back, front, back... and it's all dirty in the back, so when I move it to the front, then that gets all dirty.

I'm just happy I have a spot at all.

'Cause I used to have to pay.

Well, that was edifying.

Oh!

This burrito is a symphony.

(both giggling)

Dr. Akopian's gonna be so happy to see me.

When I pop up, she's gonna be like, “Whoa, you're so chill! I'm gonna give you all the drugs”

Well, I want to check out her bathroom floor and see what else she has lying around. Hmm.

I bet her vacuum cleaner is filled with cool pharmaceuticals.

That's such a good point!

I know.

I wonder what she has in there.

(knocking) Dr. Akopian?

Dr. Akopian, it's me Rebecca Bunch!

I'm really cool and chill now.

Dr. Akopian?

Okay, not giving up, not giving up!

Here, Dr. Akopian?

Dr. Akop...?

Oh, my God, it's her prescription pad.

Oh, I see it!

Wait, she wouldn't have left it by the window if she didn't, like, want somebody to take it, right?

Yeah, it's like a wizard test.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Whoa... (squealing)

Wait, wait, what are you doing?

You can't fit through there.

Yeah, yeah, I totally can.

Because look at me... Look how tiny I am.

I'm tiny... I'm child-size. I'm a puppy.

I'm a poodle. I'm a shrimp.

Yeah, I'm going.

Okay, yeah, all right.

Okay.

Oh, no, I think I'm stuck.

Oh, we forgot.

You're small, but you got those British-nanny-sized boobs.

(laughing): British nanny...

(laughs)

(British accent): Hello, guv'nor.

Please, sir, may I have some pills?

(laughing)

(jazz music playing)

Ah, your best table, please, sir.

Oh, I don't work here.

Oh, well, this will spot you till you get back on your feet then, huh?

Oh, no, I-I have a job.

Please.

Seat the lady, hmm?

♪ ♪

Ah, I love jazz.

I mean, the Charlie Brown theme song, come on.

Ah, The Vince Guaraldi Trio.

Though some mistakenly think it's Brubek.

(laughs)

Welcome to Smoky Jazzzz. My name is Ike.

Can I offer you a drink? Our specialty cocktail tonight is called The Chimney.

Mmm, well those sound good.

Uh, two of those, uh, top shelf, and, uh, make those, uh, chilled glasses.

Wow, you have all those fancy cards I see commercials for.

Well, I like perks.

I live for perks.

Yeah.

(scatting): ♪ Squeedle doops ♪
♪ Squeedle, squeedle da doos ♪
♪ Squeedle... ♪

Uh, hmm.

♪ Squeedle little lips ♪
♪ A squeedle leedle lops ♪
♪ A squeedle leedle loops squah squeeze squah squahs. ♪
♪ Squeeze, hmm, hmm. ♪

Well, this is a wonderful place.

I've lived here forever.

I didn't even know it was here.

Well, I've learned in all my travels all the cities, no matter what size has a hidden gem.

Well, where have you been, traveling-wise?

Oh, everywhere.

You name it, I've been there at least once.

Paris.

Well, not Paris.

Rome?

I'm more of a domestic traveler.

Right.

I've always wanted to travel.

Hmm?

Scott does.

My husband.

His barbershop quartet goes to places like Fresno and Bakersfield.

I would kill for a trip to Fresno.

Well, you deserve to go to all the places your heart desires.

Oh, you're very nice.

(song ends, applause) You are a class act.

(gentle jazz melody plays)

Ooh. Ooh.

♪ He's discerning, he's refined ♪
♪ Eats French cheeses, drinks French wine ♪
♪ He travels all the time ♪
♪ And at the airport cuts the line ♪
♪ And when he checks his leather luggage ♪
♪ No extra charges are incurred ♪
♪ 'Cause he's elite ♪
♪ He's silver elite ♪
♪ Executive silver elite ♪
♪ His status is preferred ♪
♪ Fine hotels are where he stays ♪
♪ The kind with grand breakfast buffets ♪
♪ And a chef who can make omelets a variety of ways ♪
♪ And they don't stick him in some regular room ♪
♪ No, that would be absurd ♪
♪ He gets a suite ♪
♪ A two-room executive suite ♪
♪ An executive city-view suite ♪
♪ With a second TV and 400 thread count sheets ♪
♪ Because his status ♪
♪ Is preferred ♪
♪ Oh, can't you see ♪
♪ He's got premiere access to me ♪
♪ My whole life ♪
♪ I've been stuck in ♪
♪ Economy ♪
♪ I have waited and waited ♪
♪ To one day be upgraded ♪
♪ To spread my wings and fly ♪
♪ Just a bit more frequently ♪
♪ On his wrist, a gold wristwatch ♪
♪ On his lips, a blended scotch ♪
♪ And I have to stop my eyes from drifting ♪
♪ Downward towards his crotch ♪
♪ I can peek, but I have to be discreet ♪
♪ 'Cause he's filet mignon ♪
♪ Not just some piece of meat ♪
♪ He's sophisticated ♪
♪ Elegant, elite ♪
♪ In a word ♪
♪ He's preferred. ♪

(song ends, applause)

I'm not ready for this to end.

Are you?

♪ ♪

(chuckles)

Akopian: You know I could have you both arrested?

I didn't do anything.

I'm a student.

On what grounds?

Breaking and entering.

First of all, I only half-entered.

And second of all, as far as the breaking goes, you have no idea of my intent to steal your prescription pad.

I do now.

Ah!

But since you were both stoned when you broke in, and not in your right mind...

I'm willing to offer you a deal, Ms. Bunch.

Make an appointment and start to get help and I won't press charges against either of you.

Fine. Yeah. You win.

Let's do this.

I will come in here, I will explore my feelings, do whatever you want.

Now can I have the drugs?

We're done here.

I'm done.

I give up.

I'm gonna take a nap here for just a... year.

(grunts)

What about your job thingy?

Oh, God, I hope Darryl doesn't fire me.

Do me a favor? Can you get my phone?

I think it's in your purse.

I know, I'm just too tired.

Can you get it?

Just put it in my hand?

Just place it inside my hand.

It's coming.

Place it inside.

There.

Thank you.

(line ringing)

Mmm...

Hi, Paula. It's me.

Yeah, okay, listen, I got something to tell you.

I'm not proud of it.

I cannot do the presentation with Calvin on Monday.

Can you tell Darryl for me?

I'm-I'm actually with Calvin, so I could just tell him.

What?

Okay.

We are at the hotel on East Cameron and he just went out for ice, and I only have a second.

Hotel?

Why are you at a ho...

Is that Anita Baker playing in the background?

Oh, oh, he's coming back.

I gotta go.

Paula!

Paula?

I need a cab.

Uber. I need an Uber.

Oh, okay. Actually, no, forget the Uber, it's just around the corner. Come on!

I've never been in a hotel room with a couch before.

Uh, all the perks.

(giggles)

I can't believe I'm doing this.

It's like a fantasy... like strawberries and champagne is just gonna magically arrive at the door.

(knocking at door)

You didn't!

(laughs)

Hmm.

Oh...

Don't do it!

Look at that.

It's beautiful!

She's gonna love it.

I-I feel so great about this.

(doorbell rings)

She's here. She's here, guys.

Yeah! (chuckles)

Okay, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Mwah. Okay. Okay. Left, left, left, left, left. Oh!

Valencia: What? Left.

What is it? Is it a puppy?

(cheering, chuckling)

Babe, what am I looking at?

Surprise!

It's your new dining room table.

We stayed up all night making it for you.

That you didn't pick out.

And I helped.

That's so sweet.

So, do you like it?

Well... it doesn't match our other things.

It's not exactly what I would've picked out.

Oh, well, I mean, if it's... not something you want, I mean, I guess I...

You could take it apart and give it back?

Josh, you are so smart.

(chuckles)

That's a great idea.

Give me a kiss.

Mwah.

Okay, I got to go back to class, you guys, but thank you so much.

Oh, and you all should come over for dinner when we have the right table.

Yeah? Okay. Bye.

(door opens, closes)

She scares me so bad.

Look, Paula, I know your marriage is crap.

I get it. And I get that you're about to have the hottest s*x of your life.

Mmm. Right. So why are you stopping me?

Because it's not real.

It's a Band-Aid. You know that.

Remember the other day when you were trying to get me to face my reality, right? And I didn't get it? Now I get it.

You're doing the exact same thing.

You need to face your real problem, and your real problem is that your marriage is dead.

And you need to fully feel that, and you need to face it, because this is just a temporary fix.

It's like a pill you found on the bathroom floor.

Who would take a pill they found on the floor?

Look, look, I've spent my whole life numbing myself, okay?

I have spent my whole life escaping to far-off places, and it's only recently, like, now, like, literally this second that I realize, like, I can't do that!

I can't do that. I have to feel my feelings.

It's okay to feel, Paula.

It's been five years since I made love without the TV on.

(crying)

And ten years since somebody held my hand.

(both crying)

(Calvin crying)

I-I miss my dead wife.

Come here.

(all crying)

Literally the most entertaining day of my life.

(Calvin wailing)

Rebecca, making a speech like that in front of a potential client, that... was brave.

Also a bit foolish.

In most cases, clients would run in the opposite direction. And I understand if this means you don't want to work with me...

Look, let me finish. You have the kind of no-nonsense honesty and raw emotional insight that I look for in a commercial real estate lawyer.

(chuckles)

You are a wonderful woman, Paula. (chuckles)

This weekend has been so special.

But marriage is a precious thing.

If I could hold my wife for one more second...

Oh. Don't make me cry again.

(exhales)

(sniffling)

Is this alpaca?

It's so soft.

My dead white wife loved alpaca.

(applause)

What did you say to Calvin?

He was so impressed, he's not even seeing other people.

I mean, how did you swing that?

I just was honest about... about all the great work you do, Darryl.

I just made him see what you wanted him to see, that we're a group of kick-ass lawyers and we're a family.

Yeah.

Oh, Darryl.

It's okay. Let it out.

Feel your feelings.

Everyone should feel their feelings.

Everyone should always feel their feelings.

Well, I, for one, am feeling peeved, because this copier...

Cork it, Karen!

But this copier...

Cork it!

Rebecca, I'm very glad you're welcoming the opportunity to work on yourself.

I am so grateful to be here, and I'm excited to face my problems head-on.

I know it's gonna be hard work, but it's work that I am prepared... (phone chimes) it's work... I'm sorry. I know I should just... work, I should make sure this isn't an emergency.

One second.

You know what, I'm feeling better already, actually.

So I'm-I'm gonna go to this very important thing, but I want to let you know that this is not over. I'll see you next week.

Josh: What? Get out of here!

A rice cooker?

That's perfect!

Because Valencia is Mexican and I'm Filipino and rice is a staple in both of our...

Cultures. Yeah. Right.

Uh, oh, sorry it took me forever to return your call from Friday.

Oh, my gosh, you... You're so busy. Don't even think about it.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Anything.

Is this a nice table?

It's a perfect table.

(chuckles)

That's what I think.

Thanks. (chuckles)

No problem.

Uh, hey, um, do you want to come over sometime, just check out the new place?

There's not a lot of furniture, so there's plenty of room to slip and slide around in our socks like in Risky Business.

Oh, my God, that sounds amazing. Yes.

When? Now? (laughs)

Just, like, don't tell Valencia, 'cause she thinks it's stupid.

Well, Valencia's stupid.

Sorry. I'm sure she's smart in her own way.

But anyway I have the perfect slippy-slidey socks.

(both laugh)

Yeah.

Man: Number 31.

Oh, no. Don't you start with me.

Just keep walking, old man.

Excuse me?

You heard me. Get out of my life.

Oh, my God, uh, Dr. Phil.

I'm a huge fan.

Dr. Phil: How you doing?

Oh.

I'm s... Oh, my gosh. I'm sorry. You're actually Dr. Phil.

In the flesh. It's me.

Even Dr. Phil has got to have his boba.

I'm addicted to these things.

(laughs)

Maybe you should, uh, get help for that.

(chuckles) Yeah.

You guys make a really cute couple.

Oh. That's so funny. We're not a couple.

No, no, no. We're just friends. That's so funny. He thinks we're a couple. That's so funny. We're not a couple.

He thinks we're a couple.

That's so funny, but we're not a couple.

He thinks we're a couple.

Yeah. G-Good luck to you, buddy.

(door closes)

♪ Mmm, it's the sexy gonna-do-it song ♪
♪ The sexy gonna-do-it song ♪
♪ We're gonna do it, we're gonna do it ♪
♪ It's a sexy gonna-do-it song ♪

I hope... I hope you're cool with that.