01x13 - Josh and I Go to Los Angeles!

Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...

Uh...

That has Josh's name on it.

That makes sense.

He was barely here.

My girlfriend is 20 feet through that wall, and I'm standing here.

I got to go.

Audra Levine just got married.

Also, she got the promotion you didn't take.

I was dead to him.

He didn't want to spend any more time with me, and oh, we were getting so close.

I'm going to fix this.

All we need is some random guy.

Ooh, Trent.

Oh, that's a perfect name for a fake boyfriend.

I'm a both-sexual.

The term is, uh, bisex...

The water is being diverted away from the San Gabriel Valley and towards Los Angeles.

Paula, this case can't be over, because Josh and I are having the best time.

Okay, so I found something out.

So did I.

Trent? Baby?

♪ I was working hard at a New York job ♪
♪ Making dough but it made me blue ♪
♪ One day I was crying a lot ♪
♪ And so I decided to move ♪
♪ To West Covina, California ♪
♪ Brand-new pals and new career ♪
♪ It happens to be where Josh lives ♪
♪ But that's not why I'm here ♪
♪ She's the crazy ex-girlfriend ♪

What? No, I'm not.

♪ She's the crazy ex-girlfriend ♪

That's a sexist term.

♪ She's the crazy ex-girlfriend ♪

Can you guys stop singing for just a second?

♪ She's so broken inside ♪

The situation's a lot more nuanced than that.

♪ C-R-A-Z-Y ♪

Okay! We get it!

(grunting)

Oh, honey.

So what are you, uh, doing here, because, uh, you said that you were going to meet me at home?

Yeah, I was, but then your friend called, and so here I am.

He's not your boyfriend.

(scoffs) He can't be.

That picture that you said you took of him a few weeks ago in Palm Springs, that was taken five years ago.

Yes, it was. It was. Fair.

Um, and that has a very good explanation.

And that is...

No, it's, um...

(sighs) Okay.

It's because I clearly labeled it wrong.

It's dumb.

Look, honey, I don't know what this girl's problem is, but you and I have dinner plans later.

Yeah.

So I will see you at home.

Okay.

Okay?

Oh.

Trent: All right.

Bye.

Bye.

I love you.

I love you, too.

(bells jingling, door closes)

Oh.

Uh, um, he was nice.

Yeah, he loves kissing with tongue.

Josh, oh, my gosh, okay, so this case we've been working on, dude, it's like so much bigger than what I initially thought.

It's about, like, all of the landlords, and they're in cahoots with a multi-billion dollar company, and they're exploiting... everybody.

Like, this could be the biggest case the county's ever seen.

Wow, really?

Yes, so I need your help. I need you to meet me at Whitefeather in an hour, and together we're going to blow this case wide open.

Sure.

Great!

Okay, uh, the rest of you, I will see you later.

I'm going to go kiss my boyfriend some more.

(pants rustling)

Sorry about the loudness of the pants.

I don't know why people fish in these.

You'd think the sound would scare away the fish.

(bells jingling, door closes)

No.

No. No, no.

This is not right.

He is not her boyfriend.

I can, I can feel it.

God, I'm an idiot.

What am I, what am, what am I even doing here?

I got caught up in Bunchsanity again.

I'm a moron.

I have, I have to go.

I'm late picking Heather up.

I'm going to just forget that I was here.

But...

My advice to the two of you is to stop obsessing about Rebecca.

Nothing good can come of it.

(bells jingling)

I guess I was wrong. I'm, I'm sorry, I...

Okay, babe.

Babe, just take a deep breath.

(exhales) This, this has gotten way out of hand. Well... I know you don't like her, I get it, but this case could be something great.

Not just for us, but for a lot of people.

Just trust me, okay?

Okay.

I trust you.

Nose?

Nose.

(laugh softly)

Hey.

I'm, uh, heading back to work.

I got a big case breaking, so I just wanted to say, uh, thank you for that kiss.

Wow.

(laughs)

So, uh, anyway, I'll see you later.

Yeah.

Unless you want to kiss again, for any reason.

Okay.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That worked. (laughs)

Okay.

So anyway, I was thinking, uh, maybe later, we would, uh, go out for a little bev-er-age.

What's the, uh, what's that accent? What are we doing?

I don't know.

(both laugh)

I don't know, I'm sorry.

But what do you think?

Do you want to maybe go get a drink later?

Yeah. Sure. Why not?

All right.

We can just go to Home Base.

Or, um, Jimmy's House of Spirits has a great Chardonnay.

Well, the thing is, I was thinking that maybe I would take you to (French accent): La City of Los Angeles.

Hmm.

Accent happened again.

I'm... I don't know what's going on.

(laughs)

(laughs) It keeps coming up.

So ju-just to be clear, you, you want to get a drink, but just not any place where people we know might see us.

Exactly.

Okay, look, Darryl, I am cool with whatever you need to do in your own life, it's all good, but I'm not going to go back into the closet.

Not for anybody.

I didn't come out until I was 12.

Those were some tough years.

Oh, no, no, no. I didn't mean it like that.

No, no, it's okay.

I got to go, 'cause I...

I have a client, I just remembered, so I will, uh, talk to you later.

Rebecca: Guys, guys, guys, listen up.

All of the local landlords are being bribed to divert water from the San Gabriel Valley to Los Angeles.

I mean, God, it's insane.

It's like the movie Chinatown.

It, it's like Chin... you guys, g...

Guys, you've seen Chinatown, right?

I've never even heard of it. No.

Josh: No.

What?!

Sorry.

Critics say it's like one of the top ten movies of all time.

Well, now I got to see it. All right. I guess.

Okay, when this case is over, we're going to have a movie night.

Okay, I don't, I don't know Yeah, okay.

About "China Time" or whatever you're talking about, but I do know about injustice, okay?

And these guys are being bribed to divert water from the San Gabriel Valley into Los Angeles.

So what we're going to do is we're going to get Joshes from all over the Valley.

All over. Yes, we are going to get plaintiffs from everywhere and we're going to make this the largest class action lawsuit L.A. County has ever seen.

Awesome.

Okay, so we need to start calling people, like right now.

Get as many people involved in this thing as we can.

Okay, you heard her, everyone, let's get on the horn.

Well, I-I-I'm in. How can I help?

Uh, you have friends and family all over the Valley.

Right, I do.

Monrovia, El Monte, City of Industry, Diamond Bar, Alhambra.

Right, right, all the places, so yeah, uh, go, call them.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

You're the best.

(exhales)

(door closes)

(screams, yells)

You should lock your back patio.

I'm worried about your security.

Oh, my God, are... you? Are you going to kill me?

No! Why would I kill you?

I love you.

What?

Rebecca Bunch, I have loved you since the moment that I saw you freshman year in the cafeteria.

You were eating a mac and cheese sandwich.

Remember?

And then, last week, out of nowhere, you friended me on Facebook and then some lady called me and said that she thought I was your boyfriend.

I mean, what are the odds?

So weird, right?

Weird is a word for it.

Yeah.

Trent, so first of all, I can not thank you enough for covering for me back there.

I mean, you were such a smooth liar and a very, um, passionate kisser.

Oh, thank you so much.

Yeah.

And you seem like an interesting guy.

Oh, I am interesting.

I own my own computer programming firm, and I almost invented Twitter, but I thought, eh, no one's going to use that.

Huh.

And I have a pet lizard, and I drag boulders and trees for fitness.

Those facts are so fun.

Oh, cool.

Like the definition of fun facts.

(laughing): But, um, dude, this isn't happening.

Right.

You're not, we're not going to have a relationship.

Oh.

This is really weird.

I know that the whole situation I got you into was weird, but like this can't happen right now.

It's weird, yeah.

Yeah, okay, so you see it? This is weird.

A hundred percent.

So you got to go.

Yeah. Oh.

I don't want to have to go back to your friends and tell them I don't know you.

I would much rather stay here and make you dinner.

How about that?

Are you blackmailing me?

Oh, you know what they say, one person's blackmailing is another person's love story.

Who says that?

Me. I do.

Got it from a phrase book.

Okay.

Let's just have a quiet night at home and reconnect, huh?

Do you like couscous? I do.

Do you like Tarantino? I don't.

He spent the night at your apartment?

Thank you, thank you so much.

Yes, and before you say anything, dude makes a great dinner.

And then, he-he drew me a bath and massaged my feet.

It wasn't weird, I wore a bathing suit.

Okay, maybe you should call the police.

The pol... and tell them what?

I made up a fake boyfriend and now that fake boyfriend wants to be my real boyfriend? No.

I'm not going to do that. Look, this guy's fine.

I knew a million guys like him in college, trust me.

He's into all this now and then he'll see me eat a piece of ham off the ground and he'll move on.

(elevator bell dings)

Ooh, there's Josh. Just shut up about this.

Um, I think Rebecca and Paula...

Oh, hey.

Hi.

Yeah, they're, they're...

Yep.

This is so exciting.

I've always wanted to work here.

This place is so weird.

A sports bar, but with kids running around, where the moms look like hookers and the hookers look like moms.

I love it.

Are you sure it's a good idea to recommend me, though?

I've quit like almost every place in town.

You just haven't had the right coworker, yet.

Are you sure you want your GF around 24/7?

What? Yes, of course.

Why wouldn't I?

You have my undivided attention here, and in my heart... and soul.

What?

Thank you very much.

I've got Irwindale.

I got Citrus.

I got La Puente.

And I got donuts.

(excited chattering)

Yeah, I was hungry.

Uh, Rebecca, there's some people here to see you.

George, what did I say about interrupting us while we're doing work?

Right, but they said they're from Greater City Water, and it's urgent.

Oh.

They must have heard about all the calls we're making and the motions we're filing, and that water company's confidence has evaporated.

Evaporated.

(sighs) Anyway, it's good news. It's great.

Oh. Oh! Oh.

I thought you meant literally.

Cool.

Wow, and we didn't even have to go to court.

You're so cool.

I'm cool?

Thank you.

Rebecca, before you say "no", like you did to the landlord, Yeah?

You know, that settlement offer from last week, let's hear their offer first, okay?

Darryl, trust me, they're scared.

They're only here to fork over the cashola.

I've seen this a thousand times.

I hope so.

Come on, guys, let's go fleece these losers.

Ha-ha.

Yeah, sure. I love a good fleecing.

Oh, my God.

What?

They brought in my old firm from New York.

Josh: Are they good?

Yeah, they're like Taylor Swift, Elon Musk and Shonda Rhimes combined.

(whispering): Oh, no, they brought her.

Josh: Who is that?

She looks like you used to.

That is Audra Levine.

(echoing) Audra... Audra Levine.

Au-Au-Audra Levine.

She has the life you could've had, almost had, but ruined with all your ridiculous choices.

Oh, no.

Levine.

Bunch.

You look well.

You look like a farmer.

Well, now I regret saying you look well.

It's been a long time.

Audra, just give it up already.

It's not important.

Tell me what you got on the test.

It's none of your business.

Give it to me.

Stop.

You got a 97?

No one else got higher than a 90.

My mother says you cheat and that's how you get better grades than me.

No, I don't cheat.

That's ridiculous.

You're ridiculous.

Why are you always bothering me?

I mean, we're both losers who have no friends, so shouldn't we, you know, team up or something?

Never.

I want to be the best and you're in my way.

Sorry, not sorry.

Loser.

So, what are you and your team doing slumming it out here?

Well, Greater City Water has deep pockets and wanted the best, which you used to be, and now you're here.

Slumming it is right.

This firm is a dump.

This town is a dump.

It is not.

Honestly, it's not so great.

Bunch, I'm here to give you an out.

We are here with a settlement offer.

Great, we'd love to hear it.

Rebecca, don't say anything.

Our offer is...

... no settlement.

What? Wait a minute.

So when you said there was a settlement offer, there is no of...

Wh... That was just a dirty trick?

Oh, you're good.

Well, frankly, you have no case, and no shot, and no idea how to blend your foundation at your jawline, so you need to back off, withdraw the case, and save yourself the embarrassment of everyone knowing that you're a loser.

Okay, let's tone it down.

No.

♪ This is real deep beef from way back in the past ♪
♪ Deeper than I'll put a foot up in the crack of your ass ♪
♪ Come on, let's do this ♪
♪ Your little pals can witness how vicious ♪
♪ This Westchester alpha bitch is ♪
♪ I'm straight up malicious ♪
♪ A verbal curb stomper ♪
♪ Since we were toddlers, I've studied every ♪
♪ Chink in your armor ♪
♪ And between your folks' divorce, and that ♪
♪ Haircut on you, I'm really not sure ♪
♪ Which one's the bigger shondeh ♪
♪ That means "disgrace" ♪
♪ I'm translating for the goys ♪
♪ Our life lines have been parallel like corduroys ♪
♪ But now, we'll see whose bars will prevail ♪
♪ In this beef of two hard-as-nails ♪
♪ Shebrews from Scarsdale ♪
♪ We've got a conflict of interest ♪
♪ I'm about to give Levine the business ♪
♪ Spittin' venomous hate ♪
♪ Penetrating her defenses ♪
♪ It's a JAP battle ♪

A what?

♪ A Jewish American Princess ♪
♪ Rap battle ♪
♪ Daughters of privilege ♪
♪ Spittin' mad flow ♪
♪ Find that term offensive? ♪
♪ Too bad, yo, oh, snap ♪
♪ It's a JAP battle rap ♪
♪ Look, academically, you could never catch me ♪
♪ You were close, but no match scholastically ♪
♪ Nohow, no way ♪
♪ I put the "O.G." in "5.0 G.P.A." ♪
♪ Well, speaking of which, are you A.P. graded? ♪
♪ 'Cause these days you look a bit heavily weighted ♪
♪ And all your book crackin' ♪
♪ Don't make up for the fact that I'm strapped ♪
♪ With that killer instinct that you lack ♪
♪ Sweetheart, here's what ♪
♪ You're not understanding, I'm street-smart ♪
♪ You mean, 'cause you minored in Urban Planning? ♪
♪ Bitch, I know you ♪
♪ That tough act's a bluff ♪
♪ So sheket bevaka shut the hell up ♪
♪ Your temper, you lost it, oh, cute ♪
♪ Like you're going to lose this lawsuit ♪
♪ Keeping your piehole shut would be quite wise ♪
♪ Though you kept it open wide for the AEPI guys ♪
♪ And I banged your hedge fund manager fiancé ♪
♪ Back in college over winter holidays ♪
♪ Bathroom stall at the matzo ball and honestly ♪
♪ I gotta say ♪
♪ Really not hot at all ♪
♪ Finished quick, rotten lay ♪
♪ This is... ♪
♪ A JAP battle ♪
♪ Bane of my existence ♪
♪ Your rhymes are facile ♪
♪ From Golden's Bridge ♪
♪ To North Castle ♪
♪ Wipe you off the map ♪
♪ In this JAP battle rap ♪
♪ Bunch, you're a curse, you're a blight ♪
♪ We were frenemies at first spite ♪
♪ Think your verse is tight? ♪
♪ Then you're tripping like birthright ♪
♪ I'll wipe the mirth right off ♪
♪ Your ugly mug and fill you full of slugs ♪
♪ Like a straight up thug ♪
♪ Uh, that word is racist, someone ought to tell you ♪
♪ Like me, I belong to the ACLU ♪
♪ Spare me, I'm a card-carrying member ♪
♪ Plus, I spent a semester in Kenya, remember?

♪ Well, I volunteered in Ghana ♪
♪ Well, I guess that makes us equal ♪
♪ Well, it's settled then ♪
♪ We're both cool with black people ♪
♪ 'Cause we're liberals ♪
♪ Duh, progressive as hell ♪
♪ Though, of course, I support Israel ♪
♪ Audra, wait we share so many traits ♪
♪ Should we shake hands ♪
♪ And erase the hate ♪
♪ Created by our mothers pitting ♪
♪ Us against each other for ♪
♪ Accolades and grades ♪
♪ We were egged on like Seder plates ♪

Nah.

♪ In summation ♪
♪ You left New York ♪
♪ For this sunburnt shtetl ♪
♪ Now you're like "Oh, Audra, let's settle" ♪
♪ You want to get salty like the Dead Sea? ♪
♪ Word, but call off this suit ♪
♪ Or you're dead, see, word. ♪

Hmm.

Don't smirk at me, Connors.

(elevator bell dings)

She's a very angry young lady.

And so scary.

Are you sure you can beat her?

Of course I can.

Now let's get back to compiling evidence and building the strongest case we can.

There you go.

Great.

All right.

Go team.

I scared.

Kevin: Greg.

Greg: Hey.

Is this the girl, Heather, you were telling me about?

This is her.

Greg says you want to work here.

Wow, you are really beautiful, and you seem super cool.

Uh, thanks.

Kevin can be aggressively nice, you're not going to like it.

So tell me why you want to work here.

Well, Greg and I thought it'd be fun to hang out and spend time together and maybe hook up in the stockroom in our spare time.

(laughs) We... we didn't say that.

Yeah, we did.

I like her honesty.

It's terrific.

And you can bang it out in the stockroom whenever you want.

Okay, that's not hot any more.

You're hired.

Here's your apron, my lady.

You got a great girl here, Serrano.

Shall we hug?

Nah...

I got two arms, no waiting.

No, I don't really like strangers...

No waiting.

... touching me.

(door closes)


Oh, you.

What, you forgot I was here?

Yeah, kind of, I had a long day.

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

(sighs heavily)

Dude, can you please leave?

But I made homemade tagliatelle.

From scratch?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Leave after dinner.

Okay.

And after you do the dishes.

Sure.

And after you clean the counter.

I don't want like raw eggs everywhere.

I'll do that.

Okay.

Oh, no, this is so weird, I don't know you.

Does anyone really know anyone?

Yeah, lots of people know lots of people.

I think you should check your facts on that.

Look, I know that I'm blackmailing you a little, and I've been told that that's not an appropriate way to meet people.

No?

Fine, fine. Okay.

But I also really like you.

And you look like you've had a hard day, and you just need someone to take care of you.

So come on.

Tell me about your day.

No.

Okay.

Oh, so there's this bitch I grew up with named Audra.

Oh, that's so good.

God, it you'd seen the look in Audra's eyes, Trent, I mean, she hates me.

She really hates me.

I mean, it's because I'm smarter than her.

She's so insecure, I mean, she went to Cornell, which as you know, is like the community college of Ivy League schools.

(both laughing)

Why even go to college?

Like join the Navy.

Mmm, this is so good.

Thank you.

Anyway, she's always hated me, she'll do anything to beat me, and now she has all the resources of a powerful law firm behind her.

I feel so bad because I promised all these people that I'd help them, and I-I didn't know they'd bring in, like, the big guns.

I also feel bad because I'm working with Josh, you know, the guy that you lied to. Oh.

Yeah, that Josh, and I'm just, I'm terrified if I fail that he will lose all respect for me.

Hey, look, no matter what, I believe in you, and that's what matters, right?

No.

Okay, uh, honey, you have Bert, your water expert, right?

And you have all his research, which you verified.

You have plaintiffs from all over the Valley.

You're case is rock solid.

I just wish I had that one piece of irrefutable evidence.

You'll find it.

Thanks for listening.

Yeah.

Okay, you can sleep at the foot of my bed tonight.

Really?

Yeah.

Like a dog?

Yes, Trent, like a dog.

Okay.

Ugh, please don't look that excited.

It's just how I look.

Paula: You let him sleep on your floor?

Uh, it's fine, he didn't touch me.

And also, it wasn't weird.

I wore my bathing suit.

Please forget Trent. Where are the plaintiffs?

We confirmed 50 people.

Traffic wasn't this bad coming in from the east.

You don't think I should've specified that it's a legal court, not a food court, do you?

Maybe they got scared.

Yeah, taking on a big corporation in a big city is scary.

Maybe they feel like they don't deserve to be heard.

You spend your whole life bottling away what you need to let out.

Like a dormant volcano just waiting to erupt.

What is up with you lately?

Darryl: I don't know.

Oh, look, Josh. Hi, Josh.

Oh, there's Josh, he's going to think I'm such a loser.

Hey, Josh, hi.

Hi. Wow, where is everyone?

Wow, where is everyone?

I was just in the snack-bar, there's no one in there.

But don't worry, I got Skittles, so I wouldn't get chocolate on my new suit.

Isn't it great?

It was expensive, so I put it on my credit card, 'cause... I know we're going to win.

Yes, that is right, we are going to win this, big man.

Yeah.

Hey, guys.

Oh, a person.

Ugh, God, it's just White Josh and his eight-pack.

Darryl: What are you doing here?

Uh, I came for moral support.

Oh, for Josh.

No, dude.

Came to support you.

As friends, don't worry.

I'm not going to grab your junk in public or anything.

Don't do that.

J.K., dude.

J.K.?

J.K. Rowling?

J.K., just kidding. Stands for just kidding.

Oh, just kidding.

Josh: WiJo.

Oh.

Oh, hey, buddy.

Hey.

This is a disaster.

No one showed.

Josh is going to lose all respect for me.

(exhales) Okay.

All right, I'm just going to ovary-up, and I'm going tell Josh that this didn't work out, and...

And Monrovia is here.

El Monte is here.

South El Monte is here.

North El Monte is here.

Josh... all the El Montes are here.

Sorry we were late.

There was traffic on the 10.

Anyway, we are here to stand up for our rights.

We deserve hot water and decent water pressure.

And we deserve clean dishes.

♪ Can you hear a trickling sound? ♪
♪ That's the leaky sink of change ♪
♪ It's a drip, drip, drip ♪
♪ That no handyman can fix ♪
♪ For we shall not be ignored ♪
♪ Till our honor is restored ♪
♪ And your basement is flooded ♪
♪ With justice ♪
♪ Soon the raging waters ♪
♪ Will crash upon the shore ♪
♪ When we sing of raging waters ♪
♪ It's not just a metaphor ♪
♪ What we mean is ♪
♪ It's also ♪
♪ A water park in San Dimas ♪
♪ But that's an aside ♪
♪ It's not what we're marching for ♪
♪ Can you hear a trickling sound? ♪
♪ That's the faulty faucets of truth ♪
♪ It's a drip, drip, drip ♪
♪ That will make you go ♪

What is that?

♪ We shall not be denied ♪
♪ Till we restore our pride ♪
♪ And then we'll all go ♪
♪ To Raging Waters ♪

And we'll ride Dr. Von Dark's Tunnel Of Terror!

Good idea, Baldwin Park.

Yeah!

♪ For we have had enough ♪
♪ Of Hollywood stealing our water ♪
♪ They're probably using it ♪
♪ To make party drugs and Oscars ♪
♪ Our precious water shouldn't be ♪
♪ Funneled to celebrities ♪
♪ No more water for BJ Novak's ecstasy factory ♪

What?

♪ Can you hear a trickling sound? ♪
♪ That's the janky shower of glory ♪
♪ A drip, drip, drip ♪
♪ That will keep you up ♪
♪ All night, and then ♪
♪ You'll be late for work ♪
♪ And you won't be able to focus ♪
♪ And you'll come home to a basement ♪
♪ That's been flooded ♪
♪ Flooded with justice... ! ♪

You ready?

Well, back to the ol' ecstasy factory.

Excuse me.

(TV changing channels)

What are you looking for?

Uh, oh, wait, I found it.

It's that water trial that Rebecca's doing.

It's on local cable access.

I think it already started.

Rebecca: Your Honor, we are all here today, to try and redress an egregious injustice.

Kevin: Here you go.

Bingo Hey, look at that!

It's Rebecca on the TV.

She's one of our regulars.

The one that orders those custom cheeseburger pizzas.

Look, everyone, look!

It is classic case of the common man being exploited by corporate interests.

And I will prove today...

Man, she looks hot in her little legal outfit, right?

I'd pound that gavel.

Guys, nobody wants to watch this silly trial.

What are you...

Hey!

(all grumbling)

Yes, they do.

Judge: You may call your first witness.

Okay, it looks like we've missed opening arguments, but Rebecca's about to present her witnesses.

I call to the stand, Joshua Chan.

Kevin: That's Josh!

(laughs) Hey, he's also one of our regulars.

He drinks his beer right out of the bottle.

I love that guy.

Shh!

I'm just trying to hear the testimony.

(pounding loudly)

Now, Josh, can you confirm...

Heather: What is your problem?

That you were the first person to alert the council of this problem?

Uh, yes, I can confirm that I was the one who alerted Ms. Bunch to the water situation.

We noticed the hot water going out about a month ago.

And I told my wife, "I hate you, what did you do to the water"?

Then I realized it wasn't her fault.

We just thought, "Hey, we're from Alhambra.

Maybe we just don't deserve a fancy Los Angeles hot shower."

Let me be the first person to tell you, you do.

She's doing great.

Greg, you see how great our girl is doing?

Not my girl.

Not interested.

Next, I would like to call to the stand a former employee of Greater City Water, and a water technology expert...

That's me.

Excuse me.

Bert, thank you so much for being here today.

My pleasure.

Oh, and thank you for buying me this new suit.

It feels so good against my bare skin.

I don't believe in underwear.

So those documents you have in your hand, tell me, what are those, Bert?

That is research that I've been compiling for years.

First, when I worked at Greater City Water, and then when I worked on a very extensive independent research project nobody asked for or wanted to read.

That is, until you, Ms. Bunch.

Your Honor, I present exhibits A through X.

Careful with that.

Judge: Your witness, Ms. Levine.

Oh, my God, look, the scary opposing lawyer's coming over now.

(bar patrons booing) Boo!

Scary lawyer lady, boo.

You suck.

I do not like the look of her.

It looks like she orders everything on the side.

Hello, Bert.

Hello, Ms. Lawyer.

What is your degree in?

Advanced hydro-engineering.

I have two Ph.D.s, as a matter of fact.

Wow, impressive.

Those are excellent credentials.

Thank you.

And how long did you work at Greater City Water?

15 years.

Great, and how long have you been a diagnosed schizophrenic?

16 years.

(gallery exclaiming)

No further questions, Your Honor.

Wait, what?

Oh, no.

Oh, man.

Thought you weren't interested.

I'm not.

(gavel banging on TV)

Rebecca: Your Honor, uh, may we take a brief recess?

Yes, a-a recess so that I can go home.

The court will sit in recess. (bangs gavel)

He has a diagnosed of what... ?

(low, overlapping chatter)

(sighs heavily)

What am I going to do?

She just knocked out Bert.

I mean, we can't lose him, he's most of our case.

No, Trent, uh-uh, uh-uh, not now.

Paula: Tucked in turtleneck.

That's not a look you see every day.

Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt, babe, but I have something for you.

That's really sweet, but I'm not hungry right now.

No, I didn't cook today.

Instead, I hacked into the Greater City Water server, and I got you these.

These are e-mails.

These are e-mails that... (laughs softly) that clearly expose a cover-up.

Yeah.

Oh...

Oh, my God.

This is great.

This is great, we can win the case with these.

Can I sleep in the bed now?

No.

Uh, just let me answer.

I mean, these are amazing.

We, we could win the case in a second.

Trent, Trent, Trent.

Oh, thank you so much, um, but now, please leave.

Okay. Good luck.

Yeah, okay.

He looks like a Kennedy, but a sober one.

Yeah, I figured it out.

It's like if two Kennedy cousins mated.

(gasps) Totally. Yeah.

Okay, listen, I want you to win this case more than anyone, but if anybody finds out that this is stolen, you, you are in big trouble.

I mean, who's going to tell them, Trent?

He won't, especially if I let him sleep in the bed tonight.

Paula, we need this to win.

All those people are counting on us.

Think about it, if Audra Levine had these, would she use it?

Yes, because she is a monster.

Judge: Be seated.

Recess has ended.

Ms. Bunch, do you have any more evidence, or are you ready for your closing statement?

Yes, Your Honor.

I, um...

I... would...

I...

Something's wrong.

What's going on?

I, um...

Young Audra: Let's play slaps.

Ha.

When I grow up, I'm going to be the best at everything.

Me, too.

I'm going to get into all the best colleges.

I'm going to get all the best jobs.

(groans)

I'm going to live in the best house, and the best second house.

Well, I'm going to be the happiest.

What? That's stupid.

Who cares about being happy?

Your Honor, what's going on?

Is she having a stroke?

Why is she staring at me?

Ms. Bunch?

Yes.

Sorry.

Your Honor, this case really comes down to a few simple facts, and one of the most important facts is that people who live not 45 minutes from here, two hours in rush hour, are being relentlessly exploited by a big fancy, greedy, Los Angeles corporation.

Now, our documents prove that, and I hope you don't rule out Bert's evidence just because, you know, he's got a few issues.

Don't we all?

Yeah.

You know...

... six months ago, I would have tried this case very differently...

... but now, I'm a resident of the San Gabriel Valley, and... all I can do is hold myself to the same standard of integrity and honesty of the people I represent.

Your Honor, this is a community of decent, hardworking people, and they deserve a voice just as much as anyone else.

So no matter what happens today, win or lose, I'm going to continue to fight for them until they receive justice.

That's all I got.

(mouthing)

Did you see that?

She's crazy.

Who goes into a courtroom and says all of that?

She's... she's...

Oh, my God, I know what's happening.

What?

Look, I've seen a lot of Hallmark movies and the look on people's faces before they run and confess their feelings, that's... your face.

No, no, no.

I used to like her, but...

But... you still do, and I don't want to be your backup plan.

At are you saying?

I'm saying...

♪ Don't settle for me ♪

What?

♪ Come on, dude ♪
♪ Don't settle for me ♪
♪ Trust me ♪
♪ I know guys ♪
♪ And that look in your eyes ♪
♪ Means you're in love ♪

Love?

Who are you all of a sudden?

Shut up and listen to my wise reprise.

♪ We've had some fun together ♪
♪ Hold on a second, Heather ♪
♪ But I need, like, so much more ♪
♪ I'm way too badass ♪
♪ To be someone you settle for ♪

Go see her, okay?

(sighs)

Judge: Be seated.

(gavel bangs) Recess has ended.

We are back in session.

Ms. Bunch.

I would like to begin by saying, I truly admire your dedication to your clients, and the amount of passion that you have for this case.

But I am afraid that Ms. Levine and her colleagues have raised sufficient doubts about your evidence, and therefore, I must find in favor of the defendants, Greater City Water.

(gallery exclaiming)

Thank you, this court is adjourned.

(gavel bangs)

Audra: Yes!

(clears throat) Excellent.

(laughs)

Hi, everyone.

Um, everyone, I, uh...

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

(rhythmic clapping)

♪ We have heard the trickling sound ♪
♪ It's the faulty faucet of truth ♪
♪ It's a drip, drip, drip ♪
♪ That fills us all with pride ♪
♪ Slow clap, slow clap ♪
♪ Yes, we never saw the lies ♪
♪ Slow clap, slow clap ♪
♪ Until you opened our eyes ♪
♪ Now let's ♪
♪ All ♪
♪ Go to ♪
♪ Raging Waters... ♪

I don't understand.

They're not mad at me?

Paula: Mad at you?

You stood up to the bully.

You gave them a voice.

(chuckles)

I am so proud of you.

Um, I'm just going to pack up.

I'll meet you outside, okay?

Well, it was a thrill going up against you.

Thank you, Audra.

Especially, because now, I think we can agree, that I've just won, in general.

Yes, yes, you have.

But here's the thing.

You beat someone who doesn't exist any more.

Yeah, I don't care. A win's a win.

Hey, Audra.

Take care of yourself, okay?

I know how hard your life can be.

Don't forget to be happy, 'cause... that's really important.

I am happy.

I'm so happy.

This is what happy feels like.

This is what happy feels like.

Why aren't you happy?

Why aren't you happy? Okay.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, Josh.

Look, I am so sorry.

I'm sorry I asked you to hide.

It was not right.

(loudly): I am bisexual!

I'm going for drinks with this gay man, whom I have a crush on.

He's way out of your league... nice job.

White Josh: Hey, back off, dude.

He looks like Tom Selleck.

Sorry about that.

Well, should we go for that drink?

Yes, we... Right there.

Under, yeah, there you go.

Okay.

(clears throat)

(laughs)

Ms. Bunch? I'm Paul Ramirez from the metro desk at the paper.

You might have lost, but I think you've uncovered the biggest local story since the City of Bell scandal, and I promise you, we're going to get to the bottom of it.

We will not less this go.

Great.

Hey, um...

This should help get you started.

You didn't get that from me.

I mean, you, look, you did get that from me, but if anyone asks you, "Did you get... "

No, I get it, I get it.

Right, you get phrases, right.

Okay.

Hey.

Hey.

I, uh, brought you some chocolate.

We can mess up our clothes, now.

Thanks.

Hey, um, I'm sorry.

Stop.

You were brave.

You were like... Rocky.

Or...

Creed, at-at least.

But, but which I loved.

Rebecca.

You're not... perfect.

No one is.

You tried really hard today.

I just wanted to make everyone happy.

And, I don't know, I wanted you to be proud of me.

You wanted me to be... proud of you?

I didn't know you thought about me that much.

Of course I do.

Well, do you think about me, like, too?

Oh, Greg, I'm sorry.

You're a nice guy, you really are, but, I mean, those two in there, they were just meant to be.

I mean, you have to see that now.

Okay, I understand, but are you sure I have to go?

Yes, Trent.

But I never got a chance to read you something.

I wrote you a letter.

Okay, fine.

Okay.

♪ Dear Rebecca Nora Bunch... ♪

Nope, uh-uh.