02x09 - When Do I Get to Spend Time with Josh?

Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...

Josh: So, how's it feel to be sleeping with a model? Boom!

I really was into you, but now my feelings changed.

What are you saying?

I'm saying... we're over.

I couldn't do all of this without you.

Aw, it's nothing.

And it means a lot to me. You're the best.

I had s*x with Tanya.

You don't live here... anymore.

I volunteer as tribute!

Honey, what are you doing?

I'm here to help.

Let me do something. I'll be like Mr. Mom!

Josh: Rebecca, I'm an idiot.

I realize now that all this time it's been you.

You've always been there for me.

Do you want to go somewhere and talk?

I don't know if I can just leave.

What?

You could've sailed right out that door with Josh, but you didn't... instead you were here for me when I needed you.

I love you!

Rebecca: I love you, too.

♪ I'm just a girl in love ♪
La-la-la, lovey-dove
♪ I can't be held responsible for my actions ♪
She's an ingenue
♪ I have no underlying issues to address ♪
♪ I'm certifiably cute and adorably obsessed ♪
They say love makes you crazy
Therefore, you can't call her crazy
'Cause when you call her crazy
You're just calling her in love.

Blam!

♪ ♪

Boom!

Ooh.

Hey, here!

Nice.

Eh, eh. Yeah, yeah.

Just a gentle... there we go.

Wow. You're amazing.

Thank you.

I have really enjoyed having a wife.

I can totally understand why people want several, but...

Uh-oh, what's the but?

... but... you really have to figure out what you're doing... about that.

Josh is spending all his salary on crap.

It looks like a children's cancer ward in here.

Why are you not running into his arms?

It's been a week and...

I eventually have to figure out how to do all this on my own, so...

Why are you really not calling Josh back?

(sighs)

I'm scared.

Okay? I-I don't know if I can trust him.

I mean, he's had basically three girlfriends in the past couple months.

What if I'm just the... rebound to the rebound of the rebound?

Do you still love him?

You know the answer to that question.

Well, then that's all that matters. Right?

I...

So come on.

He has been standing out there for three days.

Well, I went home to shower.

Well...

I peed in your plants a lot, though.

Yeah, okay, okay. Look, Josh, why don't you... go ahead.

(sighs)

Rebecca...

I-I know I hurt you, and I don't blame you for not trusting me, but...

I promise you it'll be different this time.

We'll start over, and do things the right way.

You hurt her...

I kill you.

'Kay?

So go.

Go be in love.

(laughs)

♪ ♪
♪ Good morning, sir. ♪

(slurping)

Hurry up, let's go.

♪ ♪

(laughing)

♪ ♪

(laughing)

(sighs)

Hey!

Gracias!

Gracias!

♪ ♪

I-I'm really sorry, Alex, uh, just feeling kind of flu-y.

(fake coughing)

So I can't make my shift.

Sorry, bro.

Bye.

I feel kind of bad about missing work, but... today is going to be your first time at Raging Waters, so it's totally worth it!

Oh! Mm...

Oh, my gosh. Okay, wait.

True confesh time.

Uh-huh.

I have been dreaming about going to Raging Waters with you ever since you told me about it that day at camp.

Do you remember?

I remember it was on July 25, 2005, because that was the day my aunt died, and you were trying to take my mind off things.

So you were telling me about the park and all the fun slides and the unlimited churros.

I may have exaggerated about the churros.

You have to pay for them. (clicks tongue)

I get that. But I'm just so excited to go with you and hold your hand on the lazy river.

(chuckles)

And throw our arms up like we're little kids when we're on all the flumes.

(both laugh)

Oh, Rebecca, I love you.

Oh. Y-you love me?

You mean you love something about me.

No. You.

I love you.

♪ ♪

(gasps)

Oh, my God, I love you, too, Josh Chan.

Come here.

(moaning)

Uh, Rebecca, can you un-cuddle yourself?

Darryl has been stalking my entire life.

Apparently, there's an emergency at work, and he's trying to call you...

Okay, yeah, well, you know what, there's really bad cell service in the love bubble.

Okay, well, maybe you could change to a better provider.

Ah. Okay, fine.

(whispers): Ew.

Let's see.

Uh... blah.

37 missed calls. Come on.

Okay, um...

Hey, little koala, Is it okay, before we go to the water park, if we stop in at work just for two seconds?

(groaning)

Please, please, please?

Do we have to?

I like to get there when the park opens.

Those first 15 minutes are the only time the park's truly clean.

No, I know, but this is really important.

I think Darryl's panicking a little. Okay?

Hey, you can come with me.

What?!

Two seconds, max. I promise.

♪ ♪

(bell dings)

(laughter)

So, for tomorrow night, I got us a great table with Mom and Dad at Pepper and Oil, the best place in town.

We're doing a pricks ficks menu.

Oh, I think you mean a prix fixe menu.

What? No. Those words have X's in them, like Bex.

I'm super stoked for my parents to get to know us as a couple.

Oh...

Mm...

Mm...

Huh. It's so dead in here.

(sighs)

Oh. There they are. Huh.

Hey, Josh, I'll be back in just one second.

Okay? One second.

Okay.

Hey. What up, what up, what up?

What's with the faces?

Karen, did you try to cook a chicken in the microwave again?

Not today, but it can be done.

Is this her?

This is who we've been waiting for?

This is Rebecca Bunch, your star attorney?

Hi. Sorry. What?

You're 25 minutes late, and that does not happen here anymore.

(laughs)

Who is this? What's this?

What's going on? What's happening?

Rebecca, this is Nathaniel Plimpton, the new co-owner of the firm.

Co-own... Wait, you... you sold the firm?

You bought the firm? You sold it and he... No.

Yes.

(whispers): Nah...

Yeah.

Nathaniel Plimpton from Plimpton, Plimpton and Plimpton in Los Angeles?

Your father's a big deal at a white shoe firm.

What would he want with a two-bit operation in this one-horse town?

Does she always talk like an old-timey detective?

Darryl: Nathaniel's family firm is looking to expand in the San Gabriel Valley, and he made a cash offer over the weekend that was very generous.

(chuckles)

Oh, Darryl, Darryl...

What?

Darryl, what did you do?

I have expenses.

Okay? I have alimony.

Madison's teeth are coming in forwards and sideways.

And you know what, this is gonna be great for everyone.

They're a huge firm.

They're gonna take us to the next level.

But, Darryl, I liked our level.

(quietly): Trust me. I got this.

You know what, this is gonna be great.

Uh, you seem great, but I...

(faintly): Just one sec.

... I have, um, something to do today, so I cannot be here today, but let's reconnect tomorrow and get to know each other, okay?

Ms. Bunch?

Can I see you in my office, please?

"Office"?

What...?

Um... this isn't your office.

This is Darryl's office.

Oh, I moved him to your office.

It's taken these guys hours to get the crap out of here.

Looked like a gas station in New Mexico.

Weird taste, that Darryl. What's that about?

Um, it's not weird. He's one-eighth Chippewa.

Is that how he got into law school?

(chuckles): Okay. I was wondering.

Look, you seem like a very confident, self-assured and conventionally handsome young gentleman, but you can't just come in here and start moving people's offices.

You can have a cubicle.

Any one you want. Maybe one near the kitchen?

Excuse me?

You know, I'm actually glad we're having this little heart-to-heart, because, to be frank...

Oh, please do start being frank.

... you seem like the only competent person who works here.

Hmm.

Or at least I thought you might be.

You're the one who put this place on our radar, so... it's kind of your fault that I'm here.

Yay for me.

So we're gonna start running this place like a real business.

My father and our firm demand nothing less.

So we maximize every second.

I'm gonna need 60 hours a week from everybody, daily reports, lunch is limited to 30 minutes.

(gasps)

Basically, anything going on in your life right now, I recommend you cancel it.

And then go ahead and cancel it again just to make sure that they know that it's... you know, it's cancelled, okay?

(chuckling)

You know, this conversation takes me back.

Oh, it takes me back to New York and Harvard and Yale.

Mm, I'm a Stanford man myself.

But, you know, I came to West Covina to search for happiness... which I have recently found in my soul mate, Josh Chan.

Who?

Oh... Josh. That's Josh Chan. Right there.

Yeah. He made that cup tower.

Oh!

(mouths)

Oh. (chuckles)

I thought he was here to change the water cooler.

You know how they always send those little buff guys?

It's like you got to look like a water cooler to work on 'em.

My dad and I have a whole bit we do about that.

Yeah, he's not a water cooler, he's wonderful.

And you are everything I moved across country to get away from.

So... um, hmm.

I quit.

I said I quit.

Great, you're leaving.

Now I only have to fire four people.

What?

Well, yeah.

We need to get 250K out of the budget by Friday at 8:00 a.m., per my agreement with my father.

Huh? You can't come in here and just start randomly firing people.

Sure, I can. Somebody's got to come up with $250,000.

Just get it out of new business.

(scoffs) No one can do that.

I can.

Oh, but you just quit.

So it's not your problem.

I guess those people are on their own.

We are getting fired. So fired.

This happened to me once.

Here comes a Canada story I was working for this firm in Manitoba and they brought in this shark from Guelph and he canned everyone.

It was a fishery, so it was ironic.

I can't get fired, all right?

My marriage is a shambles.

We're already paying for two places to live.

I'm gonna have to quit law school.

This job's is the only thing keeping my family afloat.

I bought a chinchilla from a high-priced dealer in Ventura and the APR is ten percent.

I'm the one who's gonna get fired.

Mark my words. It's-it's always me.

Garry, stop being so self-involved.

George. It's George. My name is George.

Okay, I don't like new things. I don't like it when new people come in.

It is never a good thing.

♪ Who's the new guy? ♪
♪ I don't trust him ♪
♪ What's his purpose going to be? ♪
♪ Who's this new character? ♪
♪ I mean, he's such a "character" ♪
♪ Such a big persona that's not relatable at all ♪
♪ Do we really need a new guy this far into the season? ♪
♪ And by "far into the season" ♪
♪ I mean it's almost fall ♪
♪ Who's the new guy? ♪
♪ I don't trust him ♪
♪ He's suspiciously good looking ♪
♪ In ways that normal people are not ♪
♪ Is this some sort of desperate move to help our ratings? ♪
♪ You mean our terrible ratings on legalscores.com? ♪

Yeah.

♪ Will he be here forever ♪
♪ Or just for two or three episodes? ♪
♪ You know, Karen's manic episodes ♪

I'm a ticking time bomb.

♪ Who's the new guy? ♪
♪ I don't trust him ♪
♪ Is he going to be a mainstay of our lives? ♪
♪ Is this someone new ♪
♪ We're gonna have to grow to care about? ♪
♪ Why should we root for someone ♪
♪ Male, straight and white? ♪
♪ And why is Karen finger-painting? ♪
♪ I'm having a manic episode ♪
♪ Who's the new guy? ♪
♪ What's his deal? What's his deal? ♪
♪ What's his deal? What's his deal? ♪
♪ Who wants to buy my painting? ♪
♪ Karen, shut up! ♪

Oh!

Okay.

No.

Josh: So you quit and then un-quit and we're not going to Raging Waters? (scoffs)

Becks, I called in sick. (sighs)

I did the whole fake cough and everything.

I know. I know. I feel terrible. But...

I got to stay. Okay?

I'm sorry. Do you want me to reimburse you for the tickets?

(chuckles): No. Don't be ridiculous.

I'll call Hector and see if him and his mom want to go.

Although they do have that cooking class.

Oh, God, I feel terrible.

Should I also cancel dinner with my parents tomorrow?

They bought matching cardigans!

No, no, uh-uh, we're not cancelling anything for handsome Hitler over there.

Except you cancelled our whole day.

After today. After today, no cancelling.

We are never cancelling.

Okay?

I feel bad for everybody, knowing that they might lose their jobs.

Shh, shh, shh. I'm not... I'm not telling them.

If they know they might get fired, they'll do their jobs even worse than usual. which is... tough, but they'll do it.

Excuse me, sir.

Before you go, would you mind changing the water cooler?

Mind? Nah. Love this stuff.

Thank you.

He's not...

(bottle bounces on floor, Josh grunts)

Never mind.

(sighs)

♪ ♪

(sighs)

Well, at least we're cubicle buddies.

(chuckles nervously)

Hey, hey, hey, no, Paula, don't panic.

Okay, just give it to me straight.

Who is getting fired?

I mean, it's got to be Karen, right? She's awful.

I mean, can we make it Karen, if it's not Karen?

No one's getting fired.

Oh, my God, I am so fired.

We are are all so fired.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm gonna live in a box with my family.

How am I gonna cook? How am I gonna do laundry?

How am I gonna take a bath?

Because that is the only thing that gets me through the day, just thinking about sinking into those suds!

(sighs)

The minute I laid eyes on him, I knew we were all in trouble.

A man with a face that perfectly symmetrical... has no soul.

♪ ♪

Thank you.

Hey, so I am so glad that we could get together.

You know, man-to-man, co-boss to co-boss, equal to equal.

You know, if I might, I would suggest the seasoned fries.

Oh, paprika?

Paprik-yes! Oh.

I don't eat fries.

Or salt.

Or solids before sundown.

Yeah. I eat a liquid-based, open-source meal replacement two times a day and a no-carb dinner.

Wow.

I track my sugar with this glucose monitor.

Wh-what is that?

It's a small machine that implants right in the soft tissue.

Reports my carb intake.

Oh, my God.

You are literally a machine.

You are in it to win it.

You're like a young me.

Uh... mm...

So listen, Young Me, I just wanted to say a little bit more about the Whitefeather culture...

Darryl, rest assured, I will take into consideration any, and all of your input.

Great.

Now that I'm the majority owner.

Great... what?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You and I are equal partners.

We were.

You sold me half of your equity in the firm...

Exactly, so we own an equal amount.

... then I tracked down your ex-wife, bought the equity she got in the divorce, so now I am the majority holder.

Just think of it this way, instead of there being two co-bosses, there are three, right?

And I'm two of them, so... we'll never worry about a tie because the third boss will always break it.

But that's you.

Great point.

Oh, Darryl. (chuckles)

You're right, these do look delicious.

Just... (sniffs)

Oh, God.

The sweet smell of heart disease.

(sniffs) Oh.

Well, enjoy.

Hi, this is Rebecca Bunch from Whitefeather and Associates.

And we recently met at the conference of mortgage brokers.

And I am wondering if you're happy with your current legal representation, or if you're perhaps looking for a new firm?

(man talking indistinctly over phone)

Yes, I am the young lady with the ample bosom, and I am gonna let you talk to me that way if you hire us to represent you.

(computer chimes)

Ugh. Oh, damn it.

No, I'm sorry, sir, I was not cursing at you.

What am I wearing?

How dare you.

You know, if-if you want to know sexual details about me, you have to employ me first.

Okay, keep in touch. Mm-hmm.

(sputters)

"Still working, sorry, be home soon."

(clacking)

What are you doing?

Water polo.

I played right wing for Stanford.

Well, that's a charming picture.

Cute little bonnet. What's that called?

A bonnet.

So what are you working on?

Oh, this is my list of people to fire.

What? Give me that.

"Number one... Screechy Blonde Oversharer. Number two... Dumb Canadian Joke Guy, yeah. Number three... Mousey Glasses Girl. Number four... Red-haired Sarcastic Mom Lady."

No, no, no!

You can't, you can't fire any of these people.

Especially not "Red-haired Sarcastic Mom Lady."

Her name is Paula.

And she's great, and she's in law school, and she's my best friend.

Paula, that's her name.

Okay, thank you.

I could not remember "Paula." (chuckles)

Wow, you're cold.

Your parents must be amazing.

They are, actually.

My family's pretty much perfect. We're known for it.

People call us "The Perfect Plimptons."

You know, Nathaniel, I used to be like you, ruthless.

But then, one day, I was crying a lot, and I decided to... (clicks tongue) flip things around.

Decided to put happiness before success.

And when I did that, the world rewarded me with true happiness.

It rewarded me with... a man who is strong and sweet and confident and inspires me every day.

Oh, you're dating another guy?

Not the human flip-flop that was in the office before?

Nope, that's him.

Yeah, no, that's him.

And you know what? He's-he's not a flip-flop and he's not a water cooler, he's a man.

He's a human man.

And he's the human man of my dreams.

(phone chimes)

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

I just got us a massive meeting with a massive client tomorrow morning.

Read this. Read that, Perfect Plimpton.

Yeah!

I'm gonna get that 250K. Oh, yeah!

And you know what? Tomorrow, wear your fancy little Easter bonnet.

What a jerk.

(scoffs) Water polo.

It's like could he be more of a white?

I never understood that sport.

How do they get the horses in the water?

I don't know. I don't know anything about that stupid sport 'cause I'm not a WASPy robot.

Hey, can we stop talking about this guy?

It's really boring.

You're right.

You're right. I'm so sorry.

I should not give him this power.

I shouldn't let his needle puncture our love bubble.

Mm-mm.

Come here.

(moans, laughs)

Did I tell you he wears a bonnet?

I'm gonna go watch TV.

It's...

See, he's getting to you just like he's getting to me.

It just doesn't fit in this office, and I know how much you love it.

Oh. For me. Good.

Good. Thanks, babe. Thank you.

That's... very sweet.

I can't wait to... display this prominently in my home somewhere.

Oh, Josh... I think I've made a terrible mistake.

You were right.

(sighs)

Selling the firm was an impulse decision. I...

Damn it!

I flew too close to the sun, and I got wax in my feathers.

Oh. It's okay, babe.

You got a lot of feathers left.

(groans softly)


Rebecca: Hey. Darryl, come on.

We've got an important meeting.

(howling)

What's wrong with him?

He's having a tough time.

None of his... dream catchers work in here.

Darryl: Don't worry about me.

I'm okay, and no matter what happens, everyone in this office has each other, and we'll get through this together.

Yeah. Together. Okay, come on. Just go.

We got to set up. Come on.

(sighs)

Bunch of people about to get fired?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, at least I can take the carpool lane.

Mr. Whitworth, Mr. Stonebrow, I would like to start by saying that I think your country club is exclusive in the best way.

I mean, I would never be accepted due to my gender and heritage, and good for you guys for keeping it old school.

So, all you're trying to do is purchase this small parcel of land, but the cemetery over here is blocking you for purchasing it by suing you.

Our lawyers have tried to get that suit thrown out.

Yes, and they failed.

Because they're afraid to get their hands dirty.

But... not me.

I never even wash my hands.

Sirs, what you need is someone who will bury that cemetery.

Solid wordplay. Go on.

Five years ago, this cemetery said they would run out of room in three years.

Yet, they're still burying bodies. Why?

Why is that?

Well, I think it's because they're stacking bodies on top of other bodies.

Mm-hmm. Don't believe me? Happens all the time. Google it.

And when I prove that they are engaging in this criminal activity, they are gonna drop the lawsuit like a dead body.

On top of ten or 12 other dead bodies.

Isn't that blackmail?

Little bit.

Rebecca: You know, sometimes you just got to say to the wife, "You know, maybe you should get a job. Then you can tell me not to go to strip clubs."

Am I right? Huh?

(laughter)

I'm a lady. I can say it.

And, well, gentlemen, thank you so much for your time today.

And I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yes, you'll have our decision within two to three weeks.

Okay. Well, you two take care. Bye.

You did great!

Yeah.

I could teach a very offensive class on how to appeal to rich, white men.

I don't know what you guys are so happy about. They didn't hire us.

They're clearly going to.

In two to three weeks?

What is wrong with you people?

I said Friday at 8:00 a.m. That's the deadline.

Wait. What...? What deadline?

Nothing. It's a deadline that Nathaniel's obsessed with because his rich daddy said it.

Pardon me?

I mean, you have to admit, you are a little obsessed.

Sometimes it's like, you know, "Paging Dr. Freud.

"Oedipus needs his blanky."

(Darryl and Rebecca laugh)

It's like it's a joke.

Yeah.

What's that guy's name?

Rebecca: It's Glenn?

Gene.

It's George.

Oh. George, you're fired.

No!

What?!

We can't get by without Gene.

Glenn!

I just said it's George.

George, pack your bags, son.

You're fired.

♪ It's me ♪
♪ It's always me ♪
♪ And no one says a word ♪
♪ But this time I'll stand up for myself ♪
♪ And finally be heard ♪
♪ George won't be ignored ♪
♪ George won't be interrupted because... ♪

Yes, Mr. Whitworth.

So I know you said it would be a few weeks, but I was hoping we could get a "yes" a little sooner than that, so I was calling to say that if you say yes now, we will throw in a signing bonus of $10,000.

And also, I don't know if you happened to notice my ample bosom, but we do have No-Bra Fridays here, and...

Oh, I'm on speaker?

Oh, okay. Hey, gang!

All right. Hope to hear from you soon.

All right. Bye.

Josh: This is so great.

I'm so happy we're having this dinner.

Mom, Dad, I really want you to get to know me and Rebecca as a team.

A partnership.

A two-headed love monster.

Oh, that's so sweet, Josh. Mmm.

(laughing)

That's adorable.

Isn't it, Joseph?

Love monster. Very cute.

I'm tickled.

It's just that Josh and I have been through so much, and we're both so relieved that we've finally bridged the fjord that once separated us.

Damn it!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I meant I'm so happy, I went, "Damn it!"

I'm so damn glad to be here with the Chans tonight.

Oh.

Yeah.

I'm... I'm sorry. You know what?

I have to just hit the ladies room.

I'm not a football player. Ha, ha. Okay.

(Rebecca clears her throat)

She...

Hey!

Hey, why are you spying on me, you Inglorious b*st*rd?

Oh, please. I am not here because of you.

This is the only decent restaurant in town.

It's the only place I can get a steak that isn't stuffed with cheese.

Thank you.

Now, quit bothering me and go back to Board Shorts McGee and his family.

You know what? His name is Josh Freaking Chan, okay?

It's not Board Shorts McGee.

It's not Flip Flop, it's not Water Cooler.

And frankly, you're a little obsessed with Josh Chan.

Yeah, it's, like, weird and unhealthy.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hundo for you if you slip some American cheese singles into his steak.

Oh! Sorry about that.

(Josh laughs)

Rebecca is so good at her job.

In fact, she's so devoted to her job, I really haven't seen her a whole lot the last couple of days.

Uh, but, you know, she's really inspired me.

I've been talking to Alex about a promotion.

Lourdes: Oh, that's wonderful, Josh.

Joseph: Are you out of that tiny backroom yet?

I told you, that's where the management desks are.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Nathaniel: I thought he was here to change the water cooler...

(echoing): water cooler...

Blah, blah, puka shells, blah, blah, karate, blah, blah, blah, sleeping in my old twin bed, blah, blah, intensive purposes.

(clearing her throat)

See, I always urge people to hang on to their receipts, because of our generous return policy; 60 days, with or without the box.

Nathaniel: Go back to Board Shorts McGee.

(echoing): Board Shorts, McGee...

Doop, doop, dee doop, doop, doople dee doop, doop, doop, doop.

Doople dee doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop...

Stop it.

What's wrong, Rebecca?

Um, I'm so sorry, I, um...

(smacks lips) I have to go.

You're not, like, actually going.

We-we just got here.

We-we haven't gotten our amuse bushes.

It's a amuse-bouche! Okay?

It's a small bite that tickles your palate.

I'm sorry, didn't mean to get mad at that.

I have to go. I have to fix this.

Josh, all I want to do is be back in our love bubble.

Okay, but I-I-I have to go, I have to go.

That was rude.

It was.

(sighs)

I still like her more than Valencia.

(sighs)

REBECCA: Nathaniel's just ruining everything.

He's getting in my head, he's making me think that Josh is an idiot, which is ridiculous.

Oh, it's fine. Okay, all I have to do is get the proof, get the client, save everyone's jobs, and then I can just quit and go back to my love bubble.

Paula: I found something!

Oh, what?

(screams) Oh, my God!

That's a skull.

Just wait, there's more.

Boom.

(screaming) Oh, my God.

(groaning): Oh!

Awesome.

Yes, awesome.

They totally buried two bodies in one casket.

I mean, that's not awesome.

But, like, for us, this is awesome.

Yes! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

There's four leg bones in here!

Okay, we got the skulls, we got the proof, let's just... let's just get out of here, okay?

I've got two pelvises!

Man: Freeze! Drop the bones!

Paula, it's the fuzz. Scatter!

(sighs)

Paula!

Paula...

I am so sorry that I left you. I... the light flashed and I panicked and I just... I ran here, what happened?

I convinced the security guard to let me go.

How?

(sighs)

I told him that I would go to the Long Beach Aquarium with him on Saturday.

He likes the touch tank.

I don't want to talk about it.

I just want to go home and shower.

Yeah, I understand that, Paula, but we can't... we can't... we got to get to work.

What?

Oh, it's 7:45!

We got to go!

Why?

Just-just get this jalopy moving, Paula.

But I want to go home and scrub the dead bodies and the security guard breath off my body.

Paula, Nathaniel's gonna start firing people at 8:00 a.m.

(tires screeching)

Business is not personal.

It's about the bottom line.

It's about efficiency, saving time and money...

Just do it! I can't take it anymore.

Do with me what you will, fire me, throw me out.

Cover me in honey and blindfold me.

My safe word is pen1s.

I heard someone yell pen1s.

What's wrong, Karen?

Nathaniel: Listen. (scoffs)

It's nothing personal, but...

(elevator bell dings)

Rebecca: Stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Stop, stop.

We have proof.

Paula and I have proof that the cemetery's committing burial fraud.

Great. Where is that proof?

Okay. It was a little bit confiscated, but we can get more because we know it's there now.

So you still don't have the client.

Technically, no.

But they will hire us once they see...

How many times do I have to say Friday at 8:00 a.m.

That's the deadline.

You lost. Game over. Get out of the pool, wash off the chlorine, and apologize to your father.

What?

It's over.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Please, please don't do this.

Please don't do this. Can I talk to you in private?

For just one-one second, one second, in private.

Rebecca, I understand that you are emotional, but, hey, we had a deal.

You cannot do this to these people.

Well, uh...

These are good people.

They've supported me through a lot of tough times.

I mean, I moved here less than a year ago, completely started over and they, they supported me.

You know, even the most humiliating moments.

I pooped in a shoe on YouTube.

Okay?! That's what happened.

Please, I beg you. I'm begging you.

(sighs)

Human to human, just reconsider, just reconsider.

You know, I really thought that you could be a winner.

Help me put this place on the map.

But I was wrong.

You're weak.

And I should've recognized that the second I met your loser boyfriend.

If you'll excuse me, I have some people that I need to fire, but I need to get my list because, for some reason, I can't remember anyone's name except for Paula's.

(shouts)

Get over here.

Hey, hey, hey.

Oh, you're such an arrogant jerk.

You're about to ruin the lives of these innocent... semi-hardworking people.

Also, do you know what you've made me do?

You made me offend my future in-laws.

You almost got me arrested.

I watched my best friend hold a human pelvis in her hands.

I have offered to show my ample bosom to so many gross, old men, and you made the love of my life say, "Boop-be-doop, be-doop, be-doop, be-doop, be-doop."

I don't know, those words sound a little advanced for Josh.

Come here, oh!

Okay, listen, you are surprisingly nimble, but... (grunts) just put the pen down.

Okay?

Why are you running?

Why are you running so fast from a girl?

Stop running, you coward!

Why don't we stop right here and just take a breath.

Huh?

Oh, no.

(shouts)

Whoa.

It's the flying squirrel.

(both grunting)

Oh, God!

Well, we should break it up.

She might hurt him and that would be terrible.

Darryl, you're the boss. You have to intervene!

Actually, I'm not a boss.

I'm not even a co-boss.

I'm a semi-pseudo-boss.

I mean nothing.

I'm useless. A puppet.

(crying): A male cheerleader.

Nathaniel: No. No, no, no, no.

Oh, no.

Rebecca: Let me kill you.

Nathaniel: Oh, God.

(Rebecca and Nathaniel grunting)

Hello, gentlemen.

How may I help you?

(Rebecca and Nathaniel grunting)

Rebecca: Take it.

Nathaniel: No.

Take it.

Uh... yes.

Nathaniel has a terrible peanut allergy and Rebecca is trying to stab him with an EpiPen.

Rebecca: I'm gonna kill you.

Really?

(grunts)

You are crazy.

Yeah, little bit.

(knocking)

Gentlemen, I am so sorry you had to witness that.

Peanut allergies, my son has that.

It's a nightmare. Blasted legumes.

Ah.

What can we do for you sirs?

Oh, uh, the cemetery dropped their suit this morning, and we thought that you might have something to do with it and now that we smell the scent of death on you, we know it was you.

You really went above and beyond.

Or should I say... below?

(laughs)

(laughs)

(all laughing)

(laughing): Good one, Stonebrow.

Thank you.

So, you can send the papers over today.

Let's get that land, okay?

Oh, wonderful.

Uh, looking forward to working with you sirs.

Thank you, guys.

So... I did it.

I got the money.

So, you fire any of these people over my dead body.

Pun intended.

Sir... if you're gonna terminate anyone, let it be me...

Darryl...

... for I am the angel that let the devil run loose in this house.

My greed has imperiled these wonderful people.

Shame on me... for I have failed all of you.

I am but the jester in this house of feathers.

(pens falling)

Really?

Why is everyone so dramatic around here?

Look, I've been saying all week, I need to hit a number and we just did, so... you're safe for today.

Yes!

See?

Oh! Wow!

Darryl: Oh, geez.

Oh!

Oh.

Sorry.

Oh, you did a great job.

Good job.

(shouts, laughs)

Yeah, buddy.

Darryl: Oh, you did, yeah.

Totally worth it.

You smell awful.

Well, thank you for literally fighting for us in there.

Oh, he's a terrible person.

He is a... terrible, terrible... dreamboat.

Like, it's weird how good-looking he is, right?

It's an, it's not, no... it's-it's like he's chiseled out of evil marble.

What's the matter?

Everything worked out and you are free and clear.

I mean, you can just go back to your love bubble.

I feel so terrible about how I treated Josh.

No, I let Nathaniel get to me and I feel awful about it.

Honey, you were just trying to save everybody's jobs.

I know, but I seriously don't know what came over me.

I mean, Josh is my world and suddenly, Nathaniel made me think that was stupid, even for just a second.

I-I mean...

I love Josh Chan and Josh Chan loves me.

Who cares if he's not an Ivy League snob?

He's a good, decent person.

I love him so much.

Paula, do you think Josh will ever forgive me?

So, I know I've been a bitch the past few days and I think what happened was...

I absorbed Nathaniel's evilness and it turned me into a lunatic.

Yeah, exactly.

But you did save your friends' jobs.

So...

I can forgive you this time.

What about your parents?

I-I can't believe I yelled at you in front of them and then I left.

I owe them such an apology.

That goes without saying.

Yeah.

(chuckles)

Hey...

So, um, what do you want to do?

You want to get in our pj's and cuddle or do you want to just go straight to bed?

Go to bed.

Yeah?

Hey, um, how about I chase you and you run... like I'm pretending to be really mad at you.

What?

Yeah, it's like a sexy, silly fun game.

Like... like, I'll-I'll chase you, pretending that I want to kill you, and you'll run and it'll be like, "Watch out! She's gonna get you."

Okay. Well, I'm pretty fast, you know.

In high school, my 100-yard dash was eighth...

(in sexy voice): best in the county.

Yeah, just run.

Yeah. (shouts)

(hisses)

Oh, God!

(laughs)

(Josh shouts)

(Rebecca hisses)

Uh, so, listen, thank you for... letting me go in the graveyard.

Oh, don't thank me until you've... felt the skin of the ray.

It's so soft.

You know, I'm good. I don't...

I just would like to go soon.

Touch the ray... Paula All right. Okay.

Touch the ray.

(sighs)

Okay. I touched the ray.

Can I go now?

Touch the urchin.

Mm...

You have to touch the sea urchin.

Feels like, I don't know, someone doing you a favor in a graveyard.

Okay.

But, but...

I want you to look...

Ah...

... at my face, so that I can see the moment when your fingertips... touch the urchin.

How does it feel?

(whispering): How does it feel?

(groans)

Speak from the heart and don't lie or I'll know.

Okay.

It's, um, it's... sharp.

♪ It's sharp because the urchin has the little spines ♪
♪ And that is how they get food. ♪

This is so awesome. I love this stuff so much.

Let's, let's go look at some coral.

Okay? Wait, no, no.

It's this way.

(whooping)