02x06 - Lapin La Cocotte

[bunniefuu]

Why?

I...

Just think I have really bad morning breath.

You don't... you do.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

What?

Rabbit's dead.

What?

It's dead, it's dead.

Oh, no.

Are you sad?

I suck. I can't believe how much I suck.

Oh, come on, it probably wasn't you.

It was probably just a faulty rabbit.

Good morning.

Rabbit's dead.

I'm gonna have to call Jenny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't want to call Jenny.

Yeah, you're gonna have to put on your big boy pants and call Jenny.

Yeah.

Right, well, let's pack it up so Jenny doesn't have to, I guess.

Hey.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna put it in the bag.

I have to tell you something and it's not good.

Not in that thing.

C'mon.

Like some kind of heartless monster.

Gavin's dead.

All right, fine, I'll get another bag then.

What did you do to him?

I didn't do anything.

I just came outside to feed him his hay and he was stiff.

Jenny, I really don't think there's anything we can do.

He's, like, really stiff.

Really stiff?

Yeah.

Oh, we're using that bag?

Okay, what's wrong with this bag?

I was saving it. No, no, it's okay.

It's fine. We'll use that one up, use that.

She wants to have a funeral.

Say a few words.

You've had him for, like, two weeks.

What are you gonna say?

It's a cute rabbit, just say that.

Here, what do you think about this bag?

Are we worried she's gonna think I bought her a condolence gift?

No.

I mean, it quite clearly says, "Happy Birthday" on it.

Yeah.

Right, look away.

Don't spoil the surprise.

Hey.

Hi.

Sorry, man, I'm just...

I don't feel like it right now.

Man?

No, why would you call me "man"?

Pumpkin, maybe peaches, babe.

Sorry.

No. Something is wrong.

Well, just a bit sad about Gavin, that's all.

Oh, no.

No, that's not true, is it?

Like, you don't actually care about Gavin the dead rabbit.

No.

No.

So?

I stuffed up.

I think I've been leading you on.

I didn't mean to, I'm sorry.

It's just a bit confusing because I like you, I really like you.

I like spending time with you.

I like hugging you. I like kissing you.

I just... I don't want to have sex with you.

Oh.

I really think it's important to be honest about this type of stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not so sure about that.

Okay. I'm sorry.

Ooh, is that for me?

(LAUGHING)

No, no.

(g*n f*ring ON VIDEO GAME)

What are you doing?

Uh, hey, Patrick.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

(VIDEO GAME PLAYING)

(PHONE RINGING)

What?

Can you come visit me?

Yes.

Can you make me some toast?

Make your own toast.

Patrick broke up with me, right?

Well, we weren't really together but he ended it and now he's just playing PlayStation in my home.

I'm starving.

He told me it was because he didn't like my sex, right?

That's what he said, but we never even had sex.

He couldn't even bring himself to want to try it.

Why would he tell me that?

He said the truth is important but truth isn't important, Claire.

I wish he had told me it was 'cause I was, like, unlikeable or mean or unfunny but not my sex.

It's so personal, do you know what I mean?

It's so humiliating.

Especially when I like the idea of sex with him just so much.

I had an erection when he was telling me that he hates the idea of having sex with me.

Claire, he's just sitting in the living room sh**ting n*zi zombies as if the n*zi zombies were my heart.

Should I talk now?

No. There's nothing you can say about him not being able to have sex with me that won't just compound the humiliation.

You're right.

So f*cking right.

Maybe you just need to get out of the house.

Mom's been asking me to take her to the zoo.

Well, go to the zoo.

Don't you think perhaps the happiness and joy of the zoo won't just compound my sadness?

That watching kids laugh at a monkey jerking off won't just make me realize how sexually repulsive I am?

That perhaps I'll start crying at the panda exhibit when I learn that pandas are going extinct because they refuse to have sex with each other?

'Cause I am a panda?

You're not a panda.

You probably think I'm rubbish at sex, but that's just 'cause I wasn't interested in having sex with you.

Hey. I just said that you weren't a panda.

Very interested with boys, very interested.

Try real hard.

I don't think I'm bad at it.

Eager to please.

I'll make you some toast.

Then you can go to the zoo.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Dad, I need your car.

I'm taking people to the zoo.

What people?

People.

People from the hospital.

Well, don't you have Mom's car?

Why don't you take hers?

No, I can't.

Won't fit everyone.

No, Josh, Josh, no, I don't trust you with it.

No, sorry, sorry, sorry.

You treat the road like a dodgem car race.

Put 'em back, please.

I'm just trying to take some sad people to the zoo.

Come on, it's a nice thing that a good person would do.

Why don't you go to the zoo?

Grace has never been to the zoo.

Babies don't care about the zoo.

But, then, take me to the zoo.

Anywhere, please? Take me somewhere.

No, you can't. You can't come to the zoo.

The whole point of me coming here was to get your massive car so I could fit all the people.

Josh, please don't tell me what I can and can't do.

If I want to take my family to the zoo, I'll take my family to the zoo.

It's okay.

So we give the car to Josh and we can take his.

Okay, will Grace be safe with the patients?

Dad, all they do is cry and sleep.

Yeah, they are, Grace.

It's okay.

Okay, fine, let's go to the bloody zoo.

Okay, Dad, I'm gonna need money to get in.

(SIGHING)

Yes!

Grace, we are going to the zoo.

Okay, zoo time. Let's do it.

Here she is.

You want to hold her?

Oh, can I?

Um, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Hello.

Look, I'll take you on a guided tour, okay?

No, Mom. We don't have time.

We'll miss the elephants painting.

Yeah, I think Josh is right.

We don't want to miss the elephants painting.

They don't actually paint, do they?

Yeah. Yeah, they paint.

Look, I've seen the paintings.

Weren't very good.

Where's Ginger?

She's not coming.

What do you mean, she's not coming?

She's not coming.

All right, well, where is she?

I'll go get her.

She's in her room, I guess.

Are you okay?

Yeah. No, it's fine.

I just found out I was a hideous panda, is all.

Well, Josh.

Thanks, Casey.

Thanks, Jules.

Well, if I miss the elephants painting, I will bloody lose it.

Yeah.

(BUZZER BUZZING)

Ginger.

Oh, Josh.

You're looking handsome today.

Why, thank you. You're looking beautiful.

Are you not coming to the zoo?

No, I'm not.

I've finally got the place to myself.

You don't want to come look at a monkey?

Every time people look at monkeys, they get excited because the monkeys look like people.

I can stay here and look at people for free.

Yeah, what about a baby elephant?

Have you ever seen a baby elephant?

That's pretty good.

Isn't the fun of an elephant that it's big?

Yeah, all right, good point, but you don't want to stay here, do you?

Oh, Josh.

Do you realize how needy your mother is?

I just want some alone time.

Yeah, come on.

No. Do you realize how long it is since I've masturb...

Okay, bye!

Let's get our photo with Grace and a kangaroo, okay?

No, no, Mae, Mae, no, best not.

Roos are unpredictable.

Roos? Yeah, yeah.

And we can see these in the bush for free.

Yeah, well, we have not been to the bush, have we?

And, you know, they're pests.

Might as well be standing next to a rat.

Fine. So what do you want to see then?

I don't mind.

Just take a photo of me and the k*ller rat, okay?

What's everyone's thoughts on ice cream?

Josh, do you want an ice cream?

No, I'm trying not to be a fat f*ck.

Oh, don't swear, Josh.

Your body issues are really flaring up today.

Yeah, Patrick dumped me.

Not that we were really together but, well, you know.

What happened?

More or less, he thinks I'm disgusting.

I knew it wouldn't work.

Did you?

Did you tell me that?

Sure it wasn't just your personality?

Oh, wow.

We don't think you're disgusting, do we?

Not disgusting.

Oh, yeah.

And there are probably plenty of boys out there who'd love exactly what you are.

All right, all right.

You kind of look like Gordon Ramsay.

He's popular.

Yeah, probably why he's so angry.

Fifty years of having this face has made him f*ckin' furious.

Oh, I'm sorry, Josh.

You should be.

It's your fault. It's your genes.

You made this.

Or Dad's genes and you picked him.

Odd choice.

There's a meerkat up-close encounter happening in 10 minutes.

So that sounds like a fun thing.

Ice cream?

I just really think that if I got to sing "Hakuna Matata" to a real meerkat, that would cheer me up.

Well, I don't want to touch 'em but I'll come.

No, you go. We'll catch you later.

All right.

Bye, bye.

It's down this way.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Is that Gavin?

(SIGHING)

So what do you want to do?

I don't know.

I notice it's your bin night tonight.

Gavin is not going in the bin.

He deserves a proper ceremony.

Of course, yeah.

You having fun?

Yeah.

I've never seen meerkats and a sad person at the same time.

It's like a weird art installation.

I wish I was a meerkat.

I don't think you do. It says over there that the alpha males eat babies to eliminate competition.

Oh.

Yeah.

Are those live worms?

Yeah, they're live worms.

Is that deep enough?

No.

Wow, wow.

We should head off soon.

Wait. We've only seen half the zoo.

I've got to send off a contract.

Why do you have to send a contract off?

For the money so that we can afford things like visits to the zoo.

You have enough money.

Come on, let's go see the monkeys.

No, no, I don't have time for monkeys.

Why do you need more money?

Everything we have is already so big.

Why do you buy such a big car?

For you and Grace.

Have you counted how many people are in this family?

We don't need such a big car, Alan.

I just wanted a safer car.

And the fridge.

We don't need a fridge with Internet, do we?

All right, I'll quit my job then.

No. What I'm saying, is that you work for yourself, you big idiot.

You can cut back if you want to.

We don't need more money.

We need you. Jeez.

(SIGHING)

Gavin, I didn't get to be there in the last few days of your life.

I will never understand why you had to leave us so early.

I loved you and you're precious.

You talk.

I guess more or less what she says.

You were a cute rabbit. And I will miss you.

Tom, that isn't enough.

Okay.

Okay, Gavin, you were a loving mammal to everybody that you met.

And if I know you the way that I think I do,

I think what you would have wanted would be for everybody to focus on the way you lived rather than the way you d*ed.

It's normal to feel guilt or a sense of responsibility when someone passes but I think it's important that nobody blames themselves.

What do you mean, how he lived?

All he ever wanted to do was eat celery and bird seed.

I just meant we should celebrate his life rather than dwell on his death.

Okay. Well, we only had him for, what, like, three weeks.

He hopped, he twitched, he shat little pellets.

What more is there to say about his life?

I thought this was what you wanted.

Oohh.

I'm just so angry.

At me?

No, not at you. At the universe.

At death, at mortality.

I'm angry at mortality.

Come inside.

Take off your glasses.

Ohh! What?

You k*lled my rabbit.

Take your clothes off.

I don't know if this is a good id...

Okay. Okay.

Floor.

Floor!

Don't you think we should use a condom?

Shut up!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(CRYING)

Are you okay?

Shut the f*ck up!

Shut the f*ck up!

Okay, okay.

Ahh.

Oh, God.

I'm coming.

What?

I'm coming.

What the f*ck!

Ohh.

Oh, my God, you f*cking suck, you p*ssy.

I'm sorry. It's just without a condom, I can never...

You are so lame.

Just get out.

Glasses.

Funny little fellas, aren't they?

What?

Hippos.

Grey doesn't suit them.

What?

Hippos.

Conversation doesn't really flow between us, does it?

No.

That one's a fat mole.

Oh yeah.

It's hot in here

'cause the butterflies need it to be hot to fly.

Oh, cool.

When I was a kid, I used to really like butterflies.

(LAUGHING) You know, I think everybody really likes butterflies.

They're incredible.

No, I really, really, really liked them.

I had pictures on all of my things of butterflies, on my, like, pens, books, my school bag.

Oh, wow.

That does not sound like a good way to get popular.

No.

They used to give me butterfly punches.

Oh, what does that involve?

It's just a regular punch.

Oh.

They used to pelt 5-cent pieces at me and tell me that I was fat.

You were fat?

Yeah. Very fat.

And then I used to pick up the 5-cent pieces and use the 5-cent pieces to buy candy, which I thought was me, like, owning the situation but, no.

No, I was not.

I'm sorry.

No, that...

(THUD)

Ooh, sorry.

(LAUGHING)

So sorry.

Bye, Mae.

Thanks for taking us to the zoo, Alan.

No worries. My pleasure.

Oh, you are grumpy today.

Always. Always grumpy.

No, no, I quite like the zoo.

I've just got a lot going through my brain.

Always so deep. So troubled.

I had a good time.

Oh, yeah, me too.

I'll, um, see you around?

Yeah, of course.

Okay. See you.

Bye. See you, Hannah.

See you, hot stuff.

Alan: Josh!

Yeah?

You need to get a job.

Yeah, okay, Dad. You've said this quite a lot.

No. This is different.

I need to fix my priorities.

I need to spend more time with my family.

Yeah. Dad, I promise, we don't need to spend any more time together.

I'm not talking about you.

Mae thinks I need to cut back so that we can focus on the important things and right now you're my biggest expense.

I wasn't talking about Josh.

I was talking about the fridge.

Yeah, well, it's what I'm talking about.

And my decision's final, Josh.

Dad, okay, sure, fine.

But, Dad, Dad, it's just we still owe the plumber

$770 for Tom's tampon.

No, you owe the plumber.

What?

No, Dad, I just can't.

I mean, you can't.

Yes, I can.

I'm gonna semi-retire.

(CRYING) I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it.

Oh, thank you, sweetie.

(LAUGHING)

(CRYING)

Really?

I'm not crying about this, okay?

I've just had a weird day.

Weird day.

(CRYING)

(PHONE RINGING)

I'm sorry about this but it has to be done.

It has to be done.

It's okay, I get it.

I promise you I'm not crying about this.

(PHONE RINGING)

Josh.

Yeah?

Josh. It's Ginger.

We shouldn't have left her.

Why?

She k*lled herself.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC FADES OUT)