02x16 - Dirty Money and a Woman Named Mike

[bunniefuu]

You two have any plans this weekend?

I have to work Friday and Saturday, but I have Sunday off.

Oh. Bonnie?

Nothing much going on. Why?

Well, I was thinking maybe Sunday, we drive down to Chowchilla and visit Regina in jail.

Oh, this Sunday.

Oh, gosh, you know, I promised Roscoe that he and I would...

Wait. No. I promised him.

Christy: Both of us, actually. Both of us as a family...

Together.

...promised that we would, uh, take Roscoe to the thing that he wants to do.

Yeah.

What's it called?

Moo... The movies.

Right, the movies.

That's lovely. Want to try again?

Oh, don't make me go to jail.

I hate it there.

Regina's been locked up an entire year.

Have you even visited her once?

Excuse me, but I have had my own share of problems.

You know, we were homeless, Violet gave her baby up for adoption, Alvin d*ed.

No, no, I get that one.

Alvin d*ed.

Yeah, and I have cancer, and I visit her every month.

Again with the cancer.

This woman is a friend of ours.

You helped her get sober.

She was there for you when you relapsed.

Yeah, but isn't going to visiting her like rubbing her nose in our freedom?

Mm. That's true.

“Look at us, not having to trade cigarettes for tampons.”

Bonnie: Yeah.

Or kisses for soap.

8:00 a.m., Sunday. You're driving.

Excuse me.

Okay, I know why I don't want to go.

I'm a horrible, selfish person.

What's your story?

I'd rather not say.

Oh, come on, she's got a tiny bladder.

She'll be back in 30 seconds.

All right.

(clears her throat)

Remember the box of cash Regina entrusted me with?

Yeah?

She shouldn't have.

What did you do?

Don't blame me, blame the Green Bay Packers.

Oh, Christy!

All year they cover the spread except for the one weekend I needed them to.

So you not only gambled away all of our money, but also Regina's?

Okay, first of all, I gambled away Regina's money six, seven months before I blew ours.

And let's not forget...

Regina stole that money.

What's your point?

I don't want to see Regina.

Mom - 02x16 Money and a Woman Named Mike

So, what time you think you'll be back?

It'll probably be late.

How late?

I don't know-- 9:00 or 10:00.

So... 9:30?

Oh, just use a condom and don't smoke pot in the house.

(coughing)

(groaning): Oh, God, I feel terrible.

Might be the flu.

(Christy sniffles)

I really want to go see Regina, but I think I should go to the doctor.

I think you should go to acting classes.

What?

Get dressed. I'm not doing this alone.

(sighs) Fine, whatever.

(doorbell rings)

Roscoe, your dad's here.

Morning! You remember Candace.

Hi, you.

Hi.

Come on in.

Oh, thanks. (squeals, laughs)

Oh.

We're hugging now.

Yeah.

Christy, your house is so cozy.

It must be super easy for you to keep it clean, huh?

Or not.

Christy: So, what do you guys have planned for today?

Oh, we're just gonna have brunch with Daddy at the club.

That's nice. What about your mother?

Yeah. What about her?

That's okay.

I have one of those, too.

I'm playing golf with her dad after.

I'm down to a 17 handicap.

Mm! I've known about your handicap for years.

I never knew it had a number.

And-and you?

Oh, my mother and I are visiting a friend who's been going through a tough time.

Oh, I'm sorry. What's going on?

Well, the truth is, she embezzled several million dollars, and she's in jail.

Wow.

You know, I've never known anyone who's been to jail.

Yeah, you do. You live with him.

Roscoe, we'll meet you in the car!

It's actually a very funny story.

Oh, we'll talk at home.

Yeah.

You gambled away all her money?

Not all of it.

I used some of it to buy the NFL package on satellite TV.

Christy, she was counting on that money to live on when she gets out.

I know!

That's why I've been saving, a little each month, so she has it when her sentence is up.

How much have you saved so far?

Back off!

So... how's Regina been doing in jail?

She had a rough go of it for the first few months, then she seemed to find her way.

She got a wife?

It's prison, not a prison movie.

I think she might be banging a guard.

She still sober?

Oh, yeah. Even runs her own meeting.

I've been to it.

We get it, you visit.

I took the bus.

And you have cancer.

Next time you see a rest stop, we need to pull over.

There goes that tiny bladder.

They have vending machines where you did time?

Mm. We had a woman named Mike.

She got you anything you wanted, but you had to let her do stuff that made her feel like her name was Mike.

I'll never forget my first night.

I was scared to death.

How long before you settled in?

Never did. Stayed scared the whole time.

Did you g*ng up?

Didn't have to.

My first day, I walked up to the biggest bull in the yard and b*at the crap out of her with my shoe.

Really?

Mm.

Wow.

Snickers?

Thank you.

Hey.

Nobody likes a drum solo.

Sorry. I'm just...

(clears her throat)

...really nervous.

I did something horrible.

So did most of the people in this room.

Do you think she's gonna ask about the money?

I would.

Regina's just going to be happy to see her friends.

And you.

There they are!

Oh, hey, you.

Hey!

Oh, look who I brought.

Hey, baby.

Hi.

Regina.

Bonnie.

Ooh. Sorry I was late, but I got big news.

So does Christy.

What's your news?

I just found out I made early parole.

I'm getting out in two weeks!

Ooh!

Wow.

Man!

Your news just got more compelling.

You think I could stay with you until I find a place?

It won't be long.

I have some money set aside.

You can stay with me as long as you need.

Oh, thank you.

Christy, you okay?

You look a little whiter than usual.

I'm fine.

I'm just so... happy for you.

Oh.

Thank you, baby.

I've been talking to my lawyer, and she thinks that in a few years, I can get my CPA license back.

Till then, I can live off that money, focus on getting my son back, maybe find work as a bookkeeper...

You have no money!

(sighs)

What?!

I'm sorry.

I am so sorry.

What did you do?

Take off your shoe.

I... lost it all gambling.

(Bonnie gasps dramatically)

Christy, you didn't!

So it's all gone?

Mm-hmm.

Well, you know what?

What?

Hallelujah.

Halle-what?

Oh, baby, that was dirty money which the Lord deemed fit to take away.

I thought it was the Green Bay Packers minus three that took it away.

No, it was Jesus.

Here I was, planning on spending that stolen money, continuing to live in sin.

And now that temptation has been removed, because once again, God has done for me what I could not do for myself.

I'm sorry, is this some sort of a skit?

Hang on, Mom.

If Regina found the Lord, we should be happy for her.

Way to go.

Let's all hold hands and pray.

Lord God, I want to thank you for my freedom, my friends, my sobriety and my life.

Also, thank you for using Christy to liberate me from that evil money.

Hear that?

I'm an instrument of the Lord.

Amen.

I thought I hit bottom when I got sent to prison, but turns out, I wasn't even close.

After those cold steel gates slammed shut behind me, I was so lonely and hopeless, I decided I might as well start drinking again.

I felt like that at rehab when they took away my iPad.

Regina: Now... for those of you who haven't been to prison, you pretty much have two choices when it comes to getting loaded: Toilet wine-- a lovely mixture of moldy bread, rotted fruit, and ketchup.

Ketchup makes it a rosé.

And, of course, heroin, smuggled via somebody's boyfriend's poop chute.

In either case, you really gotta want it.

And I did.

But for some reason, before I picked up, I did something I hadn't done since I was a little girl--

I got down on my knees and asked God for help.

Didn't expect an immediate response.

In fact, didn't expect anything.

But then, bam!

My cell...

♪ Was bathed in holy light ♪

And I could feel His presence.

The Spirit of the Lord filled me up!

(whispers): What do you think happened next?

I was saved.

Oh.

What need did I have of dr*gs and alcohol when I had the power of God rushin', ripplin', roarin' through my veins!

Testify!

I now had the sweet joy and the serenity I'd been searching for every day of my life.

(quietly): I pray all the time and that never happens to me.

(quietly): That's because you're not crazy.

I finally understood that my purpose on this earth was to serve God and spread His Word.

And I have the power to do that because He... is within me.

He's within all of us.

Even the worst of us.

Why's everybody looking at me?

Can I just say one thing about that Sermon on the Mount we had to sit through?

I've never known you to stop at one thing, but okay.

I didn't much like the Regina that went into jail, but I can't stand the one that came out.

Really? I like her.

Of course you like her. She forgave you for blowing all her money.

Okay, well... (clears throat) yeah, that's part of it.

But it also seems like she's so happy now.

Yeah. She just got out.

Wait till the reality of life hits her, and then watch that holy light of God fade out like Tinker Bell when the kids don't clap.

You'll never believe what just happened.

I couldn't find a parking space anywhere.

Regina says this little prayer, next thing you know, an SUV pulls out right in front of the restaurant with time on the meter.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Hang on. So there's disease and there's w*r and there's hunger, but Jesus has time to find you a parking space?

With time on the meter. Thank you, Jesus.

And that's not all.

After the meeting, a woman came up to me and gave me a job doing bookkeeping, which is what I prayed for.

Thanks again.

Good grief. You're like a Puerto Rican shortstop who just hit a double.

Why is it so hard for you to believe God wants good things for us?

I'll tell you why.

Because He just took away the man I love.

Oh, yeah.

Marjorie told me.

I'm so sorry.

But the good news is, he's in a better place.

He was in bed with me when he went-- top that.

Bonnie, I understand you're in pain, but you have to know God has a plan.

He took that man for a reason. All right, that's it-- I'm out of here.

Oh, Mom, come on. We're all friends here.

Help us celebrate Regina being home.

Sorry, but if I stay, I'm gonna break a commandment.

One of the big ones.

You and I are still square, right?

See you later.

What are you all dressed up for?

Um... (clears throat)

Regina invited me to go to church with her.

And you're going?

Why not?

I've always been curious about the...

United Westside African Methodist Episcopal Holy Tabernacle Church of God.

Seriously?

I think a couple of them merged.

I can't believe you're buying into this.

What is your problem with God?

I don't have a problem with God.

I happen to be a very spiritual person.

My problem is with an ex-con looking me in the eye and telling me I lost Alvin because God has some freakin' plan.

Well... maybe he does.

Oh, sure. Your father's in Heaven hammering out the dents in God's Toyota Tundra.

(sighs) Okay, I know you're joking, but I find that very comforting.

You would. Go to church.

Okay, but just so we're clear, I am only going to support a friend.

I'm not looking to turn into some kind of... born-again holy roller.

Well, I find that very comforting.

Good. See you later.

All: ♪ Glory, glory, glory ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ We have made it through the night ♪
♪ Glory, glory... ♪

Here we go.

Oh, thank you.

So, what's up?

Oh, nothing's up.

Sometimes it's nice just to drop by and say hi to a friend.

No, it's not. What's up?

Can I just have a sip of coffee?

No, you got a tiny bladder. What's up?

Okay.

First of all, I love Regina.

No one is happier than me that she's out of jail and she's sober.

But?

But if I have to live with her one more day, I just might rip her throat out.

There it is. You need an alibi.

No. I need her to stay with you for a while.

So I'll need an alibi.

I'm begging, Bonnie. She's driving me crazy.

Oh, is she now?

It never stops. Day in, day out, “Jesus loves me,” “Jesus forgives me.”

It's more exhausting than the chemo.

Well, I am sorry, but there's no way in hell she's staying here.

(sighs) What am I supposed to do?

I don't know. Ask God to take her away.

I did. It's not working.

(gasps)

Hey, Marjorie!

What's with the tambourine?

I'm in the junior choir!

Watch this.

♪ Glory, glory ♪
♪ Hallelujah... ♪

It sounds a lot better when there's more people.

You'll never guess what happened after church.

Christy and I went out for coffee and ran into Jill here, who asked me to live with her in her big, beautiful mansion.

Jill: I... hope you don't mind, Marjorie, but I could really use the company.

And the spiritual guidance.

Well, I'll miss her... but if that's what God wants.

Wait a minute...

Wait a minute.

Wait... a minute.

You got paroled three years early, you've been out two days, during which time you got a good job and you're living rent-free in a house with a tennis court?

Two courts. Grass and clay.

And Jill's gonna let me drive her old Range Rover.

It's a 2013.

The GPS is all weird.

Ask the Lord, and He will provide.

Well, Mom, what do you think?

♪ Leaning, leaning ♪
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms... ♪

When can I start asking for stuff?

Soon as you want to.

♪ ...on the Lord ♪
♪ Leaning, leaning... ♪

Morning, Bonnie.

Mornin'.

Sleep well?

Not really.

What are you doing here?

Heard you were looking for me.

As a matter of fact, I am.

Please.

Let me just... get a cup of coffee.

Mind topping me off?

Sure.

So what's up?

I want to know why you took Alvin.

It was his time.

What does that mean?

He needed to repair things with you and his daughter, and he did.

Then he could go.

What about me?

You still have work to do with Christy.

And Roscoe and Violet and...

Oop, almost gave something away.

When does it stop hurting?

When you wake up.