02x22 - Fun Girl Stuff and Eternal Salvation

[bunniefuu]

Hi, I'm Christy. I'm an alcoholic.

Group: Hi Christy.

And today I am this many years sober.

I thought this one was hard, but this one lived up to its reputation.

There were a lot of really big challenges this year.

Sorry. Sorry.

And here's one now What?

Just sit down.

Anyway, I wanna just say how grateful I am for all the positive things that have happened.

I got a promotion at work. I went back to school.

Got a new place to live.

You're welcome.

Bite me.

And, more important than any of that, my sponsor Marjorie b*at cancer.

And my friend Regina got an early release from jail.

Thanks to Jesus.

And prison overcrowding.

My sponsee, Jill, successfully completed rehab.

Twice.

And my ex-husband got a good job that came with a house and a girlfriend, which is great for our son, but fills me with bitterness and resentment.

And then there's my daughter, who is getting married.

And... well, let's just say that could go either way.

Best of all, I haven't had a drink or a drug for two years.

And I can't tell you how much that means to me.

To live my life with dignity and self-respect... that's all I've ever wanted.

Well, that and a boyfriend.

And I'd like to be a finalist on The Voice.

And cheat on my boyfriend with Adam Levine.

Thank you.

Bonnie, everyone else has shared.

Would you like to go?

Sure, I'll go.

Uh, I'm Bonnie, I'm an alcoholic.

Group: Hi, Bonnie.

Well, let's see...

I'm sober 26 days today.

Spent the afternoon picking up trash on the freeway, and as far as dignity and self-respect go, you never miss what you didn't have.

Thank you.

(doorbell chimes)

Hey.

Hey. Is he ready?

Uh, yeah, but we got kind of a situation.

Roscoe: It's not fair!

I'm not going!

What's that about?

Well, I don't know how to put this exactly...

Roscoe: I hate it at Mom's!

I want to live here!

There you go.

Are you putting those thoughts in his head?

What? No.

Swear to God, Baxter, if you're turning my son against me...

I'm not doing anything.

Then where is this coming from?

Well, I hate to say it, but he's feeling kind of ignored at your place, what with everything going on with you and your mom.

That's ridiculous!

He is never ignored!

That's not how he sees it.

Yeah, well, he's nine years old, what the hell does he know?

Roscoe: I'm ten!

Hey, buddy, are you ready for bed?

You want me to tuck you in?

Roscoe: No, just leave me alone.

Roscoe, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?

Roscoe: Yeah. Take me back to Dad's.

No!

You're staying right here with your mother who friggin' loves you!

Hey.

Where you been?

I got a ticket. Can you believe it?

What for?

Texting while biking.

I swear, we live in a police state.

(sarcastically): Yeah.

That's what's wrong with our lives.

What's bothering you?

My son doesn't want to live here any more.

What?

He feels ignored.

Yeah, I know how that goes.

Are you kidding me?

All we do in this house is cater to you.

What are you talking about?

No one caters to me.

I'd like to be catered to, but there's no catering.

Mom, every day, there's some new drama going on, a new crisis.

I'm not saying I'm not colorful.

You're a black hole, is what you are!

Nothing can exist near you without getting sucked in!

Bonnie: Look who's talking.

What about all your crap?

Christy: I don't have crap, I just have you!

I have a big brown mountain of you.

Hey, I'm not the one who got us evicted 'cause she gambled away all the rent money!

Oh, my God!

When are you gonna stop going back to that?

When it stops making you feel bad.

Yeah, well, I feel great.

And you know why?

Unlike you, I have two years of sobriety!

And a valid drivers' license!

Yeah?

I have no carbon footprint, so suck on that!

(sighs wearily)

Are you insane?

Yeah, so be careful.

You better fix that window first thing in the morning.

Or what?

Or...

God, I hate you sometimes.

(phone buzzing)

Hey, Marjorie, everything okay?

What?

Oh, my God.

I'll... I'll be right over.

What happened?

Roscoe just showed up at her house.

I thought he was in his room.

Me, too.

Wait, I'm coming with you.

It's all right, I got it.

But I want to help.

You want to help?

Change every single thing about yourself.

(front door shuts)

Christy, grab my alarm clock!

Where is he?

Oh, God, Roscoe, you scared the hell out of me!

I'm fine.

You're fine?

Do you know what could've happened to you?

You could've gotten kidnapped, you could've been hit by a truck, you could've been eaten by coyotes!

Christy... coyote is the “C” word around here.

Sorry.

Okay, what's going on?

Why did you come to Marjorie's?

I thought she could help me.

Help you do what?

I want to live with Dad and Candace and since you won't listen to me, maybe you'd listen to her.

Why would I listen to her?

'Cause she's your sponsor at the Alcoholics and the Anonymous.

Roscoe, why don't you go watch TV in the other room?

Let me talk to your mom.

Good luck.

Marjorie, I've already been through this with him.

It's not gonna happen.

(sneezes)

Bless you.

Okay, just know that if you fight him on this, he's gonna resent you.

I'm his mother.

He's gonna resent me anyway.

You want me to put the cats in another room?

(sighs) It's done.

Why not try it for a little while?

He's gonna come back.

How do you know?

'Cause he loves you.

He tell you that?

We're getting off the point.

He's not wrong about you and Bonnie.

That house has not been a happy place for a little boy.

(sighs)

A couple of hours ago, I was celebrating two years of sobriety, talking about all the great things that have happened.

Now this.

You know, his dad still smokes pot.

So did the last three presidents.

Try again.

Candace's family belongs to a fancy country club.

They have Sunday brunch, play golf, tennis.

I'm sorry, are you arguing for or against?

Come on! Back me up here, I'm the loveable underdog!

I am backing you up.

Right now, this seems like the way to go.

How can you say that?

'Cause we don't know the end of the story.

Yeah, well, in this chapter, the hero needs a drink.

What makes you think you're the hero?

Hey.

Whatcha doing?

Pimpin' my ride.

You drop Roscoe off?

Yep.

How'd it go?

He was happy, I cried, stupid Candace hugged me, and on the way to my car, I accidentally knocked over her mailbox.

Really?

It was a tiny replica of her actual house; it needed to be done.

You want to go grab a bite to eat?

No. I have to pack.

What for?

I'm moving out.

What?!

Yeah, I think Roscoe's got the right idea.

The road to a happy life leads away from your mother.

You can't be serious. You're gonna blame me 'cause your son wants to get away from you?

Um... yeah.

Christy, wait a minute.

You want to point the finger at somebody, why not Baxter?

What did he do?

Uh, you know, he got his life together.

You think Roscoe would be begging to live in a van under a bridge?

The words, when they're coming out of your mouth, can you smell them?

Can you get a whiff of that barnyard odor?

Okay, fine, where you gonna go?

Jill said I could stay with her and Regina while I look for an apartment.

There are apartments in this building.

There are apartments in this building.

Wow, you really took a lot of dr*gs.

No! I am putting my foot down.

You are not leaving.

Can't stop me, Mom.

We'll see about that.

Really?

Yeah, I didn't think it through.

I appreciate you letting me stay her for a few days.

Oh, believe me, I am so happy you're here.

We can go shopping together, get our nails done.

You know, fun girl stuff.

Oh, that sounds amazing.

You know what's amazing? Jesus.

Here we go.

Christy, there's a hole in your heart.

And what's gonna fill it? Spending Jill's money, or spending time with God?

Well, I'd be happy to give both a try.

It's a big hole.

Regina, can we please just give the religion thing a break for just one day?

The religion thing?

Is that what we call the miracle that saved me when I was in prison?

No.

Is that what we call the eternal salvation that's ours for the asking?

No. Is that what we call the Kingdom of Heaven that surrounds us but we're too blind to see?

Oh, come on!

Why can't the Kingdom of Heaven be Saks Fifth Avenue Help me out here.

Well, it would be nice to get pedicure, so I could wear sandals.

That's what your soul needs... sandals?

It is what Jesus wore.

We need to pray.

Do we really?

Yeah, the Voice is on.

Now.

Both: Okay.

Heavenly Father, I want to thank You for entrusting me with bringing Your words to those who cannot hear them.

Help them seek comfort in You and not material things.

(whispers): She prays the fun out of everything.

And thank You for bringing Christy under our roof so that I can usher her into the warm embrace of Your everlasting love.

Run!

It's a foldout couch, so...

I'm not sure how comfortable it is.

Oh, it's fine, thanks.

Really appreciate it.

I'll go get some sheets and blankets.

Oh, no, no, I'll-I'll do it, y-you talk to your mom.

No, no, I got it.

We'll be right back.

Gregory: Look, how long are we stuck with her?

[Violet:] I don't know... until she gets her life together.

Oh. So, forever.

(lighter clicks)

Violet: What are you doing?

Gregory: Smoking a joint.

Violet: You can't smoke a joint with her here, she's in recovery.

Gregory: Really? I got to live with you and your mother and I can't get high?

(doorbell chimes)

Jill: Hi, Bonnie. Cute hat.

Yeah, thanks.

Tell Christy I want to talk to her.

Oh, she's not here.

She decided to stay at her daughter's.

Aw, damn.

That's two hills and a freeway.

You want to come in and pray with me and Regina?

No, thanks.

Somebody always gets under-served in a three-way.

Jill (whispers): Please take me with you.

All comfy?

Yeah. Thanks, Marjorie.

I really appreciate this.

You're always welcome here.

Sweet dreams.

Marjorie, are you coming back to bed?

Be right there, Victor.

Oh, God, you didn't say you had company.

It's okay, you're not bothering us.

You're bothering me.

He's just kidding. Come on, Victor.

Not kidding.

(door closes)

Perugian: Does this mean we can't make love?

Marjorie: Of course we can, just have to be quiet.

(sighs)

(rhythmic squeaking in distance)

Yeah, this isn't gonna work.

Oh, God, the big one.

Is my daughter here?

No, she left.

Oh. You know where she went?

I do not.

Who's sleeping on the couch?

Me.

Oh.

Well, welcome to the family.

I guess we both knew this day would come.

Nope.

You'll be back.

Nope.

God help me, I want a cat.

Hey.

(gasps)

Hello.

Where were you?

I went out for a little evening bike ride.

What brings you by?

I've decided to forgive you.

Really? How far back we going?

I don't know, Mom. 'Cause I really think high school's where we went off the rails.

Fine, whatever.

I also wanted to apologize.

It's not your fault about Roscoe.

Him not wanting to be here just broke my heart.

And the only way I could deal with it was by blaming you.

I get it.

My kid looked me in the eye and he said he didn't want to live with me.

Do you have any idea how much that hurts?

Actually, I do.

I've been trying so hard to be a good mom.

And it's just not enough.

Oh, baby.

I know it's not saying much, but you're a better mother to your children than I ever was to you.

You're right, it's not saying much.

But... thank you.

I guarantee you'll get another chance with Roscoe.

That's what Marjorie said.

It's true. How many chances have you and I had?

Oh, God, that's depressing.

We'll do it together.

We'll make this a great place for Roscoe to grow up.

How?

He's got a dog over there and a pool and a stepmom who doesn't work two jobs.

Uh... you ever think about having another kid?

Kidding.

We'll figure it out.

I hope so.

Hey, on the bright side, I think Violet might be coming back.

Oh, that might be my fault, too.