01x09 - Plaisir D-Amour

[bunniefuu]

Scene 1: Fangtasia - Longshadow, Eric, Pam, Bill, Sookie, Ginger

Longshadow tries to strangle Sookie. Ginger is shouting.

Pam: Ginger, enough.

Eric: Thank you.

Before Longshadow could bite Sookie, Bill kills him. Ginger screams and vomit.

Eric: Humans. Honestly, Bill, I don't know what you see in them.

Credit

Scene 2: In the toilets of Fangtasia - Sookie

Sookie cleans up.

Scene 3: Fangtasia - Pam, Ginger, Eric, Bill

Ginger is cleaning the floor.

Ginger: How did I end up with you people? Jesus. Mother Mary in heaven. I'm so sorry, Mama. I'm so sorry.

Eric: When Ginger is finished, glamour her for me.

Pam: Are you sure? She's been glamoured one too many times already. Who knows how much of her is left.

Eric: It's either that or turn her. You want her?

Pam: Please, I'm not that desperate. Glamour it is.

Eric: Excellent. (To Bill) Come. I'll buy you a Blood.

Scene 4: Fangtasia, in Eric's office - Eric, Bill

Eric gives a bottle of True Blood to Bill.

Bill: Thank you.

Eric: How do you stomach that stuff? Don't you find it metallic and vile?

Bill: I don't think about it. It's sustenance, that's all. (Eric laughs) What?

Eric: If you're their poster boy, the mainstreaming movement is in very deep trouble. Tru Blood. It keeps you alive, but it will bore you to death.

Bill: Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

Eric: You k*lled a vampire, Bill. For a human. What are we gonna do about this?

Bill: What do you have un mind?

Eric: I'll take the girl.

Bill: No. You can have anyone. Why do you want her?

Eric: Why do you want her? You're not in live with her, are you?

Bill: Sookie must be protected.

Eric: That sounds like an edict. But it couldn't be, because I would know about that. Admit it. You love her.

Bill: If I hadn't done what I did, would you have let his disloyalty stand?

Eric: Whatever I did to Longshadow, I would not have done in front of witnesses. Especially not vampire witnesses. Not smart, Bill. Not smart at all.

Scene 5: In Jason's truck - Jason, Amy, Eddie

Jason: All I'm saying is, Lafayette didn't have to kidnap him. And I'm pretty sure he left with some V.

Amy: Hey. If you wanna make the same arrangement with Eddie Lafayette's done, have at it. This is just the only thing I could think of to get you blowing your first vampire.

Jason: You done this before, haven't you?

Amy: Done what?

Jason: This. Kidnapping vampires. Jesus. I should have known something wasn't right the second you walked into my life carrying that big bag of crazy. Any woman with a purse that big's bound to have something in it I don't wanna know about.

Amy: Jason. Baby, you're sweet, but you've gotta mellow out.

She turns the radio on.

Jason: The f*ck is this hippie music?

Amy: Shh.

Scene 6: In the toilet of Fangtasia - Sookie, Pam, Ginger

Sookie continues to clean up. Pam arrives and gives her clothes.

Pam: Put these on.

Sookie: Oh, thank you, but I'm fine, really. I'm just gonna dry out my hair and be on my way.

Pam: You're not going anywhere. Eric and your boyfriend aren't nearly done talking just yet.

Sookie: Os Bill in some kind of trouble?

Pam: That's for the boys to figure out. Right now, what you need to do is change out of your clothes. There's vampire in your cleavage.

Sookie: Okay.

Pam: Allow me.

Pam removes the peace of vampire of Sookie's cleavage.

Sookie: Thank you.

Pam: I'm beginning to understand the fuss everyone's making over you.

Ginger enters.

Ginger: Oh, hey there, Pam. Oh, who's your new friend?

Pam: Ginger, Sookie. Sookie, Ginger.

Ginger: Nice to meet you, Sookie.

Sookie: Right. Nice to meet you too.

Ginger: Oh, you don't have to be so scared. They're really very nice here.

Scene 7: At Jason's basement - Jason, Amy, Eddie

Jason: You got him?

Amy: Yeah. Tape the windows shut. Here. Clear this out. We gotta clear all this sh*t out.

Jason: Lift his legs.

Amy: Ready?

Jason: How's this gonna go?

Amy: Tie his arm there. (She finds an oxygen masque) What?

Jason: I guess I got a little paranoid after 9/11.

Amy: No, because after New York and D.C., t*rrorists were gonna come to Bon Temps.

Jason: And I said I was paranoid.

Amy: Get his feet.

Eddie: What are you gonna do to me?

Jason: Yeah, I was kind of wondering that myself.

Amy: We're gonna drink from him.

Jason: And then what?

Eddie: Yeah?

Jason (to Eddie): Dude, I got this. (To Amy) What's the plan?

Amy: Jason, can you please try to live in the now with me.

Jason angry: I do live on the now. In fact, I've gone entire months without thinking about sh*t. But the truth is, right now, the now kind of sucks. And if we both can't admit that, then we are 100 percent f******.

Amy takes some blood from Eddie.

Amy (showing the blood she took): Who wants the first taste?

Jason: I ain't doing it. Not like this.

Eddie (whispering): Thank you.

Jason: I said, stop talking to me.

Amy: Come with me, baby. Don't let your fear get in your way.

Jason: Look, it ain't fear, all right? It's just... (low so that Eddie can't listen) He's looking me right in the eye. It ain't right. Look at him.

Amy: Fine. I'll see you when I get back.

Jason stops her before she can swallow some blood.

Jason: Wait, wait, wait. Ain't you supposed to cut it with aspirin?

Amy: No, there's no risk of clotting when the V's this fresh.

She swallows the blood that is in the plug.

Amy: My God.

Jason: You look... really happy.

Amy: Come on, baby. Come with me.

She gives him the plug.

Eddie (to Jason): Don't. Don't do it.

Jason: I said, don't talk to me.

He takes the plug and drinks the rest of the blood.

Scene 8: At Miss Jeanette - Miss Jeanette, Tara

Tara: What exactly did you do to my mama?

Miss Jeanette: You were here. You saw it.

Tara: Yeah, but I wanna know exactly how and why it worked. Cause I'm already taking a monster leap of faith even considering this demon crap.

Miss Jeanette: Fine, then. It's like this. Your mind, your body... it's just a physical manifestation of your soul. And your soul is sick.

Tara: My soul don't wanna get ripped off.

Miss Jeanette: How's your mama doing?

Tara: She's doing great. But she believes in sh*t like this. I don't.

Miss Jeanette: If you don't believe, then why did you come all the way here tonight?

Tara: How much it'll cost me?

Miss Jeanette: Seven-ninety-nine, ninety-five.

Tara (shocked): What?

Miss Jeanette: Seven-ninety-nine, ninety-five. Cup of rum's on the house.

Tara: Well, my mama paid less than half that.

Miss Jeanette: What I do takes varying amounts of energy and involves varying amounts of risk. Now, what you got inside you is much more powerful than what your mama had. Much more dangerous too.

Tara: I'm worse than her? I once found that woman on the ground, eating her own vomit because she didn't wanna waste the alcohol she lost bringing it all up.

Miss Jeanette: Think about it. But not for too long. You can't afford to keep pushing people away. Your loneliness is spreading to your eyes. It's becoming a part of who you are.

Tara: You're one hell of a saleswoman, aren't you?

Miss Jeanette: Next time you're alone, stand in the mirror and count backwards from 10. If you can get all the way down to zero, then I'm wrong. But if you can't stand your own company for 10 seconds, how you gonna expect to do it for the rest of your life?

Scene 9: In front of Sookie's house - Bill, Sookie

Sookie and Bill are walking from his car to Sookie's house.

Sookie: So you're not in any trouble?

Bill: A simple slap on the wrist, that's all.

Sookie: You swear? Pam made it sound like...

Bill (interrupting her): Pam was turned almost a hundred years ago and yet somehow still behaves as though every day were Halloween. She's all drama and theatrics. I assure you, everything's gonna be fine.

They enter Sookie's house.

Sookie: I'm gonna take a shower. I still feel like there's blood all over me.

She turns on the light and sees blood on the wall.

Bill: Don't look up.

Tina is on the ventilator, dead.

Sookie (shouting): Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Scene 10: At Jason's - Jason, Amy, Eddie

Jason and Amy are naked, kissing, under V.

Amy: Wait, wait, wait. First, we have to thank the vampire for the gifts that he's bestowed upon us. (To Eddie) We are grateful...

Eddie: F*** you.

Amy: ... for your gift to us. (To Jason) Ignore him.

Jason and Amy imagine their selves in a beautiful forest. They are swimming in the air, naked.

Amy: Can you see it?

Jason: Where are we?

Amy: Nowhere. Everywhere. Together.

Eddie look at them, and is crying blood.

Scene 10: At Sookie's - Bill, Sookie

They are on Sookie's bed.

Bill: Aren't you tired?

Sookie: Every time I close my eyes, I see her face.

Bill: Your cat?

Sookie: Gran. But now that you mention it, Tina's in there too.

Bill: You do know that I'm not gonna let anything happen to you? That I am here for you to protect you.

Sookie: And what if I don't wanna need to be protected? What if wanting to be protected makes me feel like the helpless little girls I used to be all over again?

Bill: Sookie. All of the things that you need to be protected from, all of the trouble you're in, you're in because of me. So you needing to be protected has nothing to de with you or who you are. All of it is my fault. So why don't you just go to sleep and let me be the one to worry about it?

Sookie: Bill, all the trouble I'm in, it's mine. I chose it. I chose it when I chose you.

Bill: Yes, but...

Sookie: Don't you think I wanna blame somebody else? But what I did to my Gran and now to poor Tina, it's my fault. And it's sweet of you to try to take it on for me, but if I let you, I'd be so mad at you, I'd never be able to look at you again. And right now your face is just about the only thing getting me by. So why don't you just leave it on me, okay?

Bill: Very well.

He kisses her.

Sookie: Night, Bill.

Bill: Night, Sookie.

She closes her eyes and sees her Gran on the kitchen's ground, dead in her blood. She opens her eyes suddenly.

Scene 11: At Jason's garden - Amy, Jason, Eddie

Amy is in the garden, and someone is watching her.

Someone: You're a f*cking dead woman.

Amy (screaming, fainting to be scared): Oh, my God!

Jason jumps and laughs.

Amy (smiling): Honestly, you are like a little boy.

Jason: Did I scare you?

He takes off the oxygen mask and put it on his head,

Jason (smiling): Yeah

Amy: Come here, lie down. I wanna show you something.

He lies down near her on a cover, near her,

Jason: What are we looking at?

Amy: The trees. But we're not just looking, we're listening too.

Jason: Listening to the trees?

Amy: Can you hear that?

Jason: It's like the leaves are talking!

Amy: They're laughing.

Jason: Yeah, because they're ticklish.

Amy: That's right.

Jason: Amy?

Amy: Yeah, baby.

Jason: We still high?

Amy: No, baby.

Jason: Because I don't normally talk like this. Plus, I'm feeling kind of lightheaded too.

Amy: You're talking like this because your mind is starting to open up. And you're lightheaded because you haven't eaten anything. So here. (She sits and gives him to eat) Have an almond, they're raw.

He eats the almond.

Jason: Oh, my God. These crazy good.

Amy: We gotta change the way you eat. Raw foods. Nothing processed. Because the cleaner the body, the cleaner the soul, the cleaner the experience.

Jason: Cleaner than last night?

Amy: Much cleaner.

They kiss.

Eddie (shouting from the house): Amy!

Amy: He'll stop. He'll stop.

Eddie (shouting): Jason!

Jason stops kissing Amy.

Jason: Ain't you worried somebody's gonna hear him?

Amy: You live in the middle of nowhere of the middle of nowhere.

Jason: Yeah, I guess but...

Amy (interrupting him): He isn't a person, Jason.

Jason: Did I say he was? All I'm saying is... My truck, for example. It ain't a person either. But I still fill it with gas and give it oil from time to time.

Amy: You're saying we should feed him now?

Jason: Ain't he gonna die if we don't?

Amy: Who cares?

Jason: I just... I still think we should have a plan, that's all.

Amy: I do have one.

Jason: Oh, yeah?

Amy: And here it is. Everything's gonna work out, because it has to.

Jason: That ain't a plan.

Amy: Because when I'm with you, what I feel... I've never felt that with anybody else ever before. And I'm a person that a lot of bad stuff has happened to in the past and so I deserve this. I love you. (Jason doesn't answer and drinks) Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I mean, why is it we all need to be loved but then when somebody finally says, "I love you", people just run scared. I love you, Jason Stackhouse, whether you like it or not. I'm not afraid to admit it.

Jason: Know what? You're right. F**** it. I love you too.

They kiss.

Amy: Say it again.

Jason: I love...

Amy: Come on.

Jason: You get it once, that's all.

Scene 12: At Tara's house - Tara, Letti Mae, Sam

Tara is in her bathroom, in front of the mirror.

Tara: Ten, nine, eight, s...

Letti Mae comes in.

Tara (shouting): Don't you knock? What if I was doing something private?

Letti Mae: I taught you that was a sin against God. If I walk in on you doing it, it's your problem.

Tara: What do you want?

Letti Mae: Sam Merlotte's here to see you. You ain't sleeping with him?

Tara get out of the bathroom and goes in the entrance, her mother follows her.

Tara: What makes you jump to that conclusion?

Letti Mae: He brung flowers. Men only bring flowers if they already slept with you and looking again. That especially goes for white men, as black men are less prone to grovel.

Tara opens the door.

Tara: What do you want, Sam?

Sam: To apologize for what I said that hurt your feelings and sort things out between you and me.

Letti Mae: That's a load. It's sex he wants.

Tara: Mama.

Tara goes out.

Sam: She drinking again?

Tara: No. That's her, stone-cold sober. Look, you should go.

Sam: Why?

Tara: Because I'm just too f*****-up for this.

Sam: You're not even the most f*****-up person in this house, much less this town.

Tara: What do you think this is between us? We were clear from the beginning it was just gonna be us f******.

Sam: It's too late for that.

Tara: What are you, a masochist?

Sam: No, not at all. But I've spent my life running away from people or pinning my hopes on somebody I can't have. I'm done with that. Like it or not, you've reminded me that I'm a social animal. I'd rather deal with your f*****-up sh*t than be alone.

Tara: Here's some f*****-up sh*t for you. Do you know that right now I have myself thinking I have a demon inside me? The only way to get it out is have some lady who lives in a bus in a swamp perform 800$ exorcism on me that there's no way in hell I can afford?

Sam: Waw.

Tara: Yeah. So go ahead. Now tell me you still want something more with me.

Sam: Not if it's gonna be like this. But I'd like it if we could...

Tara: Well, we can't, all right? Look, just go, okay? Get out of here and save us both a lot of misery.

Sam: All right, I'll see you at work.

She goes back home and he throws the flowers on the ground.

Scene 13: At Merlotte's - Amy, Arlene, Sam

Amy is looking at Arlene's ring.

Amy: Oh, my God, it's beautiful.

Arlene: I know, right?

Amy: So you guys having an engagement party or what?

They are at the bar now.

Arlene (loud enough so that Sam could hear them): We'd like to, but I don't know where we'd throw it. You know, our place isn't big enough.

Sam: You could have it here, if you like.

Arlene: Oh, thanks. But I wouldn't wanna put you out.

Sam: You wouldn't be. It'd be like any night, except I'd close the place to the public for you and your dearest.

Arlene: Oh, wow, Sam, that would be amazing. Except I was thinking could we do it in the warehouse next door? Or even outside? Because if we did it in here, it'd feel like work, you know?

Sam: You were thinking, huh? About the party I only just now offered to throw for you?

Arlene: You are a spectacular man, Sam Merlotte.

Sam: And you are one hell of a conniving suck-up when you need to be. I'll cover the catering and the band. The alcohol and all the other incidentals are on you and Rene.

Arlene: Got it. And I may be conniving but I still mean it. You are gonna make some woman extremely happy one day.

Sam: Maybe someday I'll meet a woman willing to take that chance with me.

Sookie arrives, furious.

Sam: Morning, Sookie.

Sookie: Ain't nothing good about this morning.

Scene 14: On the road, at Jason's job - Jason, Lafayette, Rene, Hoyt

Jason is eating on his truck, listening to the trees.

Hoyt and Lafayette are on another truck, eating.

Lafayette: "Secret Sauce"? Who you f****** kidding? Since when is it right to call mayonnaise a f****** secret?

Hoyt: I don't know. I kind of like it, though.

Lafayette: You can like it all you want to. It's still mayonnaise.

Jason (shouting to Rene): What are you thinking?

Rene: Thinking f*cking roots should learn where to grow.

Jason removes his helmet.

Jason: What?

Rene begins to dig the root with the chain saw.

Jason: What? Rene. What? (He jumps from his truck and run to stop Rene) Hey! Hey! Rene!

Jason make Rene fall.

Rene (shouting): The f***, man?

Hoyt and Lafayette run to them.

Hoyt (shouting): Shut it down.

Rene: Get the f*** off me.

Lafayette pushes back Jason.

Lafayette (to Jason): What the f*** is wrong with you? You got a screw to loose?

Rene (shouting): You could've k*lled me.

Jason: I'm sorry, I know, but it ain't just some root growing out of nowhere. It's connected to that tree. Everything we see, man, it's all connected.

Rene: The f*** you talking about? You some kind of treehugger now? You gonna k*ll your buddy to save a tree?

Lafayette (to Rene): Chill, son.

Rene (shouting): I could give a f*** if you're sorry. I'm about to get married. There are people that count on me.

Lafayette (to Rene): Okay, come on, let's get you cleaned up.

Rene and Lafayette go.

Jason: S***.

Hoyt: Hey. Is everything all right, J?

Jason: t, were you on the football team?

Hoyt: No.

Jason (taking him by the shirt): Were you on the football team?

Hoyt: No, I wasn't.

Jason put him down.

Jason (shouting): Then you do not call me J. you got that?

Hoyt pushes him.

Hoyt: Yeah. Yeah. I'm... Yeah, I'm sorry.

Hoyt goes.

Jason: g*dd*mn it. g*dd*mn it.

Scene 15: At Merlotte's - Andy, Sookie, Amy

Sookie: What can I get for you today?

Andy: Your boss around?

Sookie: Tell him you're looking for him. What can I get you?

Andy: Don't know, I haven't decided yet.

Sookie sit in front of him.

Sookie: Then while you make up your mind how about I tell you what you can get for me? I would love whoever's k*lling off my family's head on a platter. Think you could arrange that for me?

Andy: I don't appreciate your tone, Miss Stackhouse.

Sookie: I don't appreciate officers of the law enjoying casual lunches while there's a k*ller trying to hunt me. Did you know he got into my house again last night?

Andy: He did?

Sookie: Yes, and he k*lled my cat. Cut her head off and took it with him.

Andy: Jesus. How come you didn't call the station?

Sookie: All the station would've done is send you. You'd still be here acting as though you don't know what you're gonna order even though you always wind up having the cheeseburger.

Amy: Hey there, detective Bellefleur, I'll take you order.

Sookie: No, it's my table.

Amy: I got it. Just take a break. It'll do you some good.

Sookie leaves.

Amy: What can I get for you?

Andy: Go with the g*dd*mn cheeseburger and fries.

Scene 16: Outside the Merlotte's - Amy, Sookie

Sookie is on a bench when Amy joins her.

Amy: Hey, you. Listen, you all right?

Sookie: Sometimes I wish I smoked, you know? So you could sneak outside without anybody knowing something's wrong with you.

Amy: Okay. I'm really sorry about your cat.

Sookie: Maybe I shouldn't have come in today.

Amy: Yeah, I was gonna say, why did you?

Sookie: I don't know. Maybe because lately it seems like if I called in sick every time somebody I loved got m*rder*d I'd never make it in for a day of work.

Amy: Don't you think Sam would understand?

Sookie: I guess. But if I went home, what would you do?

Amy: Me? What's it got to do with me?

Amy seats near Sookie.

Sookie: With Arlene doing nothing but showing off her ring you'd be the only one waiting tables.

Amy: Yeah, she is gonna be a handful, that one.

Sookie: Can you imagine what she was like the first time she got married? What about you? You ever been married?

Amy: Is this the part where the sister asks what the girl's intentions are with her brother?

Sookie: Because right now, I am all about protecting Jason.

Amy: He misses you, Sookie.

Sookie: Right.

Amy: No, he does. I mean, between your grandma passing and then what happened afterwards with you...

Sookie: He told you about that?

Amy: He couldn't not. I mean, he's a mess about it.

Sookie: Well, you wouldn't know it.

Amy: Look, I know what you must think of him. And I get why you're mad at him, I do. But he loves you. You still got people around you who love you. And all I can hope is that maybe one day, I can be counted in among those people.

Sookie: You are way too good for him. You know that, right?

Amy: Of course I know that. I'm not stupid.

Scene 17: At Jason's - Jason, Eddie

Jason arrives home and turns on the tv.

Tv Reverend Whitley: You can call me all the names you want, but I am confident in my position that when the day comes I meet my Maker, it is I would be allowed to pass through the gates into the glory of eternity.

Tv animator: Thank you, reverend Whitley. Miss Flanagan, would you like to turn the conversation back to the Vampire Rights Amendment?

Jason: Shut up, shut up.

TV Nan Flanagan: After the m*ssacre of three of our kind in Louisiana this week, I think the world should take notice of the fact that we have not retaliated. And we will not. Which leaves us with the question of exactly who is hunting whom out there in America tonight?

TV animator: I applaud your rhetoric. That was very impressive.

Eddie shouts form the basement.

Jason (to Eddie): sh*t the f*** up!

TV Reverend Whitley: But I warn my fellow citizens that her message is false.

Jason goes sown in the basement.

Eddie: Thank you. Thank you. Please, I...

Jason (shouting): What is it?

Eddie: I need you to move me. Too much pain. This chair, it's digging into my skin.

Jason: Thought y'all couldn't feel pain.

Eddie: When you don't drink your body... Your whole body aches more than anything I ever felt when I was alive. Please?

Jason: Well, if I move you, will you shut up?

Eddie: I promise.

Jason: This better not be a trick.

Eddie: It's not.

Jason: And don't you f****** bite me.

Eddie: I don't event have the energy. Just, please?

Jason begins to move him.

Jason: Jesus. For a vampire, you sure are a doughy f***.

Eddie: I'm sorry. Aaaaah.

Jason: There. That any better?

Eddie: I think so, yeah.

Jason: Yeah, good, because now I'm all f*****-up.

Scene 18: Merlotte's - Tara, Sam

Tara enters and takes her clothes and sees an envelope full of money.

Tara: What the hell?

Sam is at the bar. Tara arrives.

Tara: I found an envelope full of cash in my cubby.

Sam: Yeah?

Tara: You know anything about it?

Sam: We'll talk after work.

Tara: Sam, you know I can't...

Sam: I said, after work, all right? Anyone needs me, I'll be in my office.

Scene 19: At Bill's house - Bill, Eric, Pam, Chow

Bill plays golf at the wii.

Wii voice: Yes, he's done it again. Another lovely sh*t. A hole in one.

The doorbell rings. Bill turns off the wii and goes to open the door. It's Eric, Pam and Chow.

Bill: Eric. Pam.

Eric: Bill, Chow. Chow, Bill.

They enter.

Chow (to Bill): Nice to meet you

Pam: Chow is Longshadoow's replacement.

Bill: I take it by your being here, there was no way around it, then?

Eric: I can't really say. Didn't exactly look into it.

Bill (to Pam): Tell me, do you enjoy living halfway up his backside the way you do?

Pam: Yes, it's nice. You should try it.

Bill (to Eric): We're gonna have to stop by the bar where Sookie works first. She needs to know that I'll be gone. Don't forget how this started. She came to Fangtasia to help you.

Eric: Fine. Go to the bar.

Pam: Might be smart to check out the competition.

Eric: Yes, indeed.

Chow (to Bill): What's your game?

Bill: Excuse me?

Chow: You were playing Wii. What's your game?

Bill: Golf.

Chow: What's your best score on Pebble Beach?

Bill: Seven under.

Chow: Mine's 11 under.

Bill (to Eric): I liked Longshadow better.

Scene 20: At Jason's basement - Jason, Eddie

Eddie: It still hurts?

Jason (doing stretching): No, that went right away. I guess that's a perk of me doing V. But this... this stretching just feels so g*dd*mn f****** good.

Eddie: Another perk.

Jason: Yeah. What's with the weight, dude? I thought all you vampires were supposed to be in shape.

Eddie: We are what we were when we turned. I led a very sedentary life.

Jason: What's sedentary?

Eddie: Desk job. I was an accountant. Sat around a lot, ate a lot of junk food.

Jason: Well, how's someone go from being an accountant to being a vampire?

Eddie: It wasn't the straightest of lines. I always had this sense that it wasn't really my life I was leading. But I convinced myself it was the life I wanted. Then one day, about a year ago, I came home from work to find my wife crying like her whole family had just d*ed. Turns out my son had had a fist fight at school. So one of the kids suggested to him that I might be a "f****** f*gg*t".

Jason: Well, kids are m******.

Eddie: That's precisely the reaction my wife wanted me to have. And when I didn't...

Jason (putting his shoes): What, she never even had a clue?

Eddie: How could she, when even I didn't?

Jason: I'm sorry.

Eddie: Don't be. Comes a point is life when you realize everything you know about yourself, it's all just conditioning. It's the rare man who truly knows who he is. At least accomplished that.

Jason: I guess it helps that you don't look all that gay. Most of the gays I've come across they look like...

Eddie: You. You're what we're supposed to look like. Anyway, after she left me and took my kid I went to a gay bar, hit on a couple of men. Got laughed at. Or pitied. Then I saw this one guy. He was even less of a looker than me and he had beautiful young men all over him. Somebody told me he was a vampire. And I guess I just thought: "Well, that's for me." After that, it was just a matter of time before I found someone willing to turn me.

Jason: That's crazy.

Eddie: I told you it wasn't the straightest of lines.

Jason: So how did it work out for you? With the guys and everything?

Eddie: Well... you tell me.

Scene 21: At Merlotte's - Sookie, client, Bill, Eric, Pam, Chow, Tara, Amy

Sookie (taking an order): Okay.

Bill enters the bar.

Client: I'll have that on the side too.

Sookie: Okay, coming right up.

Sookie: Bill, what's going on?

Eric: This place is even more depressing than I thought it'd be.

Sookie (to Bill): What are they doing here?

Bill: Give me a minute, then we'll talk. Where's Sam?

Sookie: I don't know. Why?

Tara: He's in his office.

Bill (to Eric): Try to behave yourself.

Eric: Don't I always?

Scene 22: In Sam's office.

Sam is in his office when Bill knocks at the door.

Sam: Yeah?

Bill: Bill Compton. I need a minute of your time, if that's all right.

Sam: It's open.

Bill and Chow enter.

Sam: Who's this?

Bill: His name's Chow.

Sam: He need to be in my office too?

Bill: Yes. I have very little time, so I'll be brief. I've been called away. And I need you to watch over Sookie, protect her when I'm gone.

Sam: Well, that's just priceless.

Bill: Don't expect her to be too keen on the idea. Sookie hates feeling like she doesn't have independence.

Sam: I'm really starting to get fed up with you telling me who Sookie is.

Bill: I know. And I also know how you feel about her, and I don't like it. But I'm asking you because you're the only one I can ask. You're the only person I know of who can protect her in my absence. Will you do it?

Sam: Of course I will. But I'll be doing it for her, not for you.

Bill: Thank you.

Bill and Chow leave.

Scene 23: At Merlotte's - Eric, Pam, Sookie, Bill

Bill (to everyone): So simply present this card at the door when you get to Fangtasia (Pam distribute the card) and the first round is on me.

Pam: Also, Thursdays are ladies nights, so be sure to bring a date. (To a client) That is, if you can get one.

A friend of this client: She got you.

A client: Thanks, ma'am.

Eric: Not him. He doesn't get one.

Client: What gives, bro?

Eric comes near him.

Eric: What'd you do to your arm there... bro? (Bill comes. To Bill) I take it your business here is done?

Bill: I came to talk to Sookie.

Eric: I'll give you three minutes. We have a tribunal to get to.

Sookie: What?

Bill: Come with me.

He brings her outside.

Eric: Oh, before I go, a word of advice: We know when a human has wronged us. We can smell it. So do not make the mistake of letting the pretty vampire lady on television make you feel too comfortable. We may not have retaliated... yet... but we know who you are. Have a nice night.

Scene 24: Out of the Merlotte's - Sookie, Bill, Eric, Pam, Chow, Tara

Bill (to Sookie): I have no choice, I have to go.

Sookie: Why?

Bill: Because I k*lled a vampire.

Sookie: I know that, I was there, remember? He was gonna k*ll mw. You were defending me.

Bill: if one of you k*lled another one of you defending one of us, there would be a tribunal.

Sookie: I'll come with you then.

Bill: No.

Sookie: I can and I'm going to. I wanna testify for you.

Bill: Damn it, you can't. You can't come. And you can't testify. You will not be welcomed there.

Sookie: You lied to me. You said everything was gonna be okay but it's not, is it?

Bill: I honestly don't know.

Eric (a little far from them): Ticktock, Bill

Sookie: Bill...

Bill: Just look after yourself, all right? I've asked Sam to watch over you.

Sookie: Wish you hadn't have done that.

Bill: Be smart, Sookie, and just let him. There's still somebody out there who wants to k*ll you.

Sookie: Fine. I will.

Bill: Thank you.

Eric: And time.

Sookie and Bill kiss. Tara arrive and sees them from far.

Pam: If I had any feelings, I'd have the chills right about now.

Eric: Not me. (Loud) Bill. Now.

They stop kissing, and Bill goes to Eric. Sookie is crying. The vampires leave. Sookie goes to Tara.

Tara: You all right?

Sookie: No.

Tara: Look, I'm sorry about...

Sookie: Tara, right now I din't remember what it is I'm supposed to be mad at you for so why don't we just forget it, okay?

Tar: Hey, that's good to me.

They hug.

Scene 25: At Jason's basement - Jason, Eddie

Jason: It was in the flood.

Eddie: A flood? Oh, my.

Jason: Yep. It was the shits. But you gotta play the hand you're dealt, I guess.

Eddie: And when you say you were living at your grandmother's I take it to mean your grandfather was already gone? I'm so sorry.

Jason: Why? It wasn't your fault.

Eddie: It's just that a boy needs a man in his life to teach him what it means to be a man.

Jason: Yeah, whatever.

Eddie: That's the hardest part of all this for me. My boy. He's got nothing but women around him now. He needs me. I'm not there.

Jason: Well, I'm sure he'll be all right. I mean, look at me, huh? Don't you glimmer me. Amy warned me about that.

Eddie: I'm too depleted to glamour you. That's something I haven't quite mastered yet, anyway.

Jason: Really? You can't just do it?

Eddie: Learning to be a vampire doesn't happen overnight any more than learning to be a man does. You gonna marry her?

Jason: Who, Amy? I don't know. We haven't been together that long. But... just between you and me? I could really see her being the one.

Eddie: She's not.

Jason: What?

Eddie: Don't do it. Don't marry her.

Jason" None of your business.

Eddie: She's a psychopath.

Jason: Hey, f*** you, Eddie.

Eddie: She is. She is fat more dangerous than I could ever be.

Jason (shouting): That's enough. (Calmer) Look, I gotta go out and get some more beer. But while I'm gone, keep your f****** howling to a minimum.

Jason leaves.

Scene 26: At Merlotte's - Sam Tara

Tara: Can we talk about it now?

Sam: Sure. (She gives him the envelope) That's not talking about it.

They go in Sam's office.

Tara: I can't take it, Sam. I appreciate it, I do. But...

Sam: You're keeping it.

Tara: You can't tell me I'm keeping it.

Sam: It's my money, so, yes, I can.

Tara: You're a stubborn son of a b****.

Sam: Well, that makes two of us. You really believe you have a demon in you?

Tara: I think I got something inside me that is scared and pissed off and mean and

Sam and Tara: F*****-up.

Tara: Think it's stupid, don't you?

Sam: Look, two years ago nobody even knew there was such a thing as vampires. Now we gotta deal with them every g*dd*mn day. And who knows what else is out there?

Tara: 800 bucks? That's a lot of money, Sam.

Sam: Yeah, well people in this town drink a lot. Well I'm doing okay.

She takes back the envelope.

Tara: So I guess I'm having an exorcism.

Sam: You're welcome.

Tara: Oh, Sam. I don't know how to ever thank...

He kisses her.

Scene 27: At Merlotte's - Lafayette, Sookie, Amy, Sam, Tara

Lafayette is cooking in the kitchen when Sookie comes in.

Lafayette: Interesting night, huh, Sook?

Sookie: Yeah, I guess. Maybe a little too interesting.

Lafayette: S***, ain't no such a thing as too interesting, only too dull.

Sookie leaves.

Lafayette (to John): So, John, how big is your d***?

Sookie sees Tara and Sam kissing in Sam's office. She goes back in the kitchen.

Sookie: You know what? There is such a thing as too interesting.

Sookie goes at the bar.

Sookie (to Amy): Where's Arlene?

Amy: Well, she just left.

Sookie: Of course she did. I have to get out of here. Would you mind covering the rest of my side work for me?

Amy: Sure, but is that really the best idea, you going home by yourself?

Sookie: I'm not. I'm going to stay at Bill's. No one'll come looking for me there.

Amy: Okay, then.

Sookie: Thanks, I owe you one.

Sookie leaves.

Amy: No worries.

Sookie leaves on her car. Sam goes to the bar.

Sam: Oh, hey, Amy.

Amy: Hey.

Sam: Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for everything you've been doing. You're fitting in great around here. Really.

Amy: Well. I should be the one thanking you. Lord knows I needed this job. But you are welcome.

Sam: So where are the others?

Amy: Arlene had to get back to her kids and Sookie took off a couple of minutes ago.

Sam: What?

Amy: Yeah, I tried to stop her, but...

Sam: She say where she was headed?

Amy: She was going to Bill's.

Amy: g*dd*mn it, Sook.

Sam leaves, running.

Scene 28: Outside the Merlotte's - Sam, Andy

Sam is running to his car.

Andy: Hey there, Sam. Turns out that story you told me the other day about growing up in a nudist colony didn't exactly check out. We need to talk.

Sam: Sure, just... You know, I forgot something in the bar, but I'll be right back. Okay?

He goes back inside. The dog of Merlotte's passes in front of Andy.

Andy: Hey, dog. Well, screw you too.

Scene 29: At Bill's - Sookie, the dog

Sookie arrives at Bill's. She sees the dog in front of her.

Sookie: Oh, my God. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on people like that? What are you doing so far away from home? Why don't you come spend the night with me and I'll take you back to Merlotte's tomorrow, okay? Come on. It's night-night time.

They enter Bill's house.

Sookie: Come on. Come on.

They are in Bill's room.

Sookie: You know, if we're gonna be sleeping together we're gonna need a name to call you by. What do you think of "Dean"? Yeah, I like it too. Dean. Dean the dog. Look at you, looking away. What a gentleman. Here, would it make you more comfortable if I got under the covers?

She goes under the covers.

Sookie: Come on. Hop up in the bed with me. You can't sleep on the floor all night. You're gonna catch a draft. Now, hop up here. (The dog goes on the bed.) Good boy, Dean. Sweet dreams.

She turns off the lights and sleeps.

Scene 29: At Jason's - Jason, Eddie

Jason arrives home. He goes down to the basement with Tru Blood bottles.

Jason: Eddie? Eddie, wake up. Wake up. Here.

Eddie: You brought me Tru Blood?

Jason gives him to drink.

Jason: Just drink.

Scene 30: At Bill's - Sookie, Sam

Sookie: Dean, you're on my feet. Dean.

She opens her eyes and seats.

Sookie: Sam?

Sam is naked, on the bed, at Dean's place. They both scream.