01x03 - Thats the Way To Do It


( Children cheering )

♪ Oh...I do like to be beside the seaside... ♪


Hey, hey... Oh, there you are! Now, look after the baby.

I tell you what, teach him to walk.

He's not very good at walking yet, you see, boys and girls.

Children: Oh! So, that'll keep them both out of mischief, won't it?

All right, you, get on with it.

( Mr Punch mutters )

Left, right! Left, right! Left, right! Left, right!

( Laughter )


( Applause )

Oh, what a clever boy!

As the new mayor of this town, I have a very wide remit, but one of my pet hates is enviro-crime - namely, fly-tipping, vandalism and litter.

On-the-spot fines of up to ã100 have been introduced for anyone failing to dispose of their litter in an appropriate fashion.

And what's more, I will be leading the way.


Let's be proud of this beautiful town of ours.

After all, it is Lighthaven, not Litterhaven.

(From stage): Ow! Oh!

Get off!

Oh! Oh! You wicked...

Excuse me...

Oh! Get off! Get off!

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, the performance has been cancelled.

Children: Boo! Sorry, stop it!

If you give your details to my assistant, Alan, I'm sure you'll get a full refund.

What...what are you doing?!

( Child cries )

My job.

Your job, is it, to make children cry?

I hope you're proud of yourself!

( She grunts )

No, no pictures. Alan, Alan...

I said, no photos!

Madam Mayor...Jane Kennedy, coroner.

How can I help?

Er... I believe you closed down Harry Putman's show yesterday afternoon.

What exactly did you say to him?

Not a great deal.

There wasn't a lot to say.

He knew he didn't have a leg to stand on.

Excuse me?

On many an occasion, I've asked Mr Putman - Harry, as you call him - to update his act.

I explained to him that Mr Punch doesn't need to beat his wife with a stick, but he just wouldn't listen.

But did you spell it out to him that if he failed to comply, you would put him out of business?

Let's not get this out of perspective.

Revoking the wretched man's ability to perform in Lighthaven was hardly going to put him out of business.

I'll take that as a no then.

There are resorts up and down the country that would have welcomed him with open arms.

Nonetheless, Harry lived here.

This was his home.

It's my home too, Ms Kennedy.

I believe in this town.

I have big plans for its future.

But any show that invites children to laugh at domestic abuse belongs firmly in the past.

Now...if you will excuse me, I have to meet my daughter in...precisely two minutes.

I'm aware that in a conservative town like ours, people are bound to take sides.

Mr Putman has been the Punch & Judy man in this town for 40 years.

I've only been mayor for, what...two months?

Quite an achievement, though.

Thank you.

I was talking about Mr Putman.

May I ask you something? Can I stop you?

Of all the things in this town that need changing, why focus on Punch & Judy?

Happy now, are you?!

Now you've hounded an old man to his death!

Go away, before I have you reported for drinking in public.

You practically murdered Harry!

Stamped him out like he was some kind of bug!

Well, you better watch out, Your Worship, cos one of these days, someone might stamp on you!


Get off me, you idiot!

I see your mum's causing trouble again.

So, what else is new?

See you next weekend, Dad.

Yeah. Take care, sweetheart...

Friend of yours?

My husband.

We're separated, not that it's any of your business.

What was that all about?

Oh, just a drunk. Ignore him.

You're late.

Madam Mayor, you still haven't answered my question.

Drink this. It'll help sober you up.

I see you're looking after Harry's props.

Yeah, his son asked me to find a good home for them.

Were you and Harry close?

We looked out for each other.

He was good for business.

See...as long as there's Punch & Judy, there'll always be a need for deckchairs.

In your opinion, do you think it's conceivable he could have taken his own life?

No. Not a chance. He wasn't that type.

I'm not saying that he wasn't fed up. Who wouldn't be?

A lifetime of entertaining people, only to be nobbled by some jumped-up busybody who hasn't been in the job for five minutes!

Are you still at it?

I've received a complaint about you, John.

Drunk and disorderly.

Not to mention, behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace.

So, arrest me. It'll be just like old times.

I'd rather you sobered up and stopped threatening public figures.

All right, I'll do my best, Davey boy.

Glad to hear it.

Thanks for your time, Mr Holland.

That's all right, my love.


Maybe I should introduce myself.

My name's Hannah and I've got reason to believe that, 18 years ago, you gave birth to me.

Darling, I'm sorry if you feel neglected but...I've got a lot to do and only a year to do it in.

Only last night, Councillor Jeffries assured me, and he was being perfectly serious, that we don't need a Pride Festival here in Lighthaven.

So, that's who you were with until four in the morning, Councillor Jeffries.

Well...I'm here now.

So...let's make the most of it, shall we?

I thought we could try that new wine bar later.

All cocktails are half price.

Hannah, darling, I can't. I've got a meeting this evening.

Well, can't you cancel it? I thought we could catch up.

Sorry, darling.

Urgent council business.

Give it to me, Your Worship...

( Mayor laughs )


( She laughs )

Oh... Oh-ho-ho...

( She laughs )

( They moan )

( She moans )

( She laughs )

Hi, it's me.

Um...just wondering where you are.

Hope all's well.

Give me a call when you get this.

People get the wrong idea about Mr Punch.

He's not a bully.

He's a freedom fighter... battling oppression.

The real bullies are his wife and the constable.

Oh, yeah? Then how come he throws out the baby?

That's an accident.

It doesn't count.

Not sure the mothers down the women's refuge would see it that way.

( Phone rings )

Oh, damn...

Don't answer it.

It's Davey. It might be important.


Yes, I know who this is.

OK. I'll be there in ten minutes.

What's happened?

They found a body at the Grand Hotel.

Keep an eye on the curry.

Any ID on the deceased?

Oh, didn't I mention that? Mention what?

It's the mayor. Our mayor?

The mayor I was talking to this afternoon?

Yeah...I think it's fair to say she's no longer in office.

Are we sure it's her?

Yeah, positive.

Looks like Mr Punch got his own back.

I was just thinking the same thing.

We think the murder weapon was a champagne bottle.

It seems Una and Danny Ball had themselves a little party.

Who's Danny Ball?

He's the hotel's resident crooner.

It was a regular thing, apparently.


This is the 999 message she tried to make at 7.18.

( Mayor crying )

And by the time we'd traced the call, the body had already been found.

Where's this singer? I need to talk to him.

No, you don't.

You need to get in line.

It's a murder inquiry.

Do you need a moment, Mr Drake? No.

No, that's her.

That's my girl.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy.

Are you all right? OK...

You say she was found at the Grand Hotel?

Er...yeah, that's correct.

I don't understand. Una lives in town with my daughter.

Why would she want a hotel room?

I'm afraid I can't disclose that information.


I'm sorry.

Well, at least I know why she stood me up.

I'm sorry?

Una and I were supposed to be having dinner together last night.

That would explain the messages you left on your wife's voicemail.

Can I ask which restaurant it was?

The Handsome Crab.

And what time did you get there?

Um...about 6:55.

And who booked the table? Una.

And what time did you leave, roughly?

Ten past eight... There or thereabouts.

Right. Much obliged.

A family liaison officer will be in touch with you.

And I'll... I'll let you know as soon as we have any news.

I'm sorry, Mr Drake.

Actually, I was wondering if you'd mind coming over some time, to talk to Hannah about what happened?

Not at all. I'd be happy to.

Maybe...I'm old-fashioned but I...

I think some things are better coming from a woman.

I'll give you a minute.

Danny Ball.

And what exactly was the nature of your relationship with the mayor?


As in the National Sheep Association?

As in No Strings Attached.

Did she pay you?

What do you take me for?

Well, I'd have thought that was obvious.

( They whisper )

Looks like we've replaced Punch & Judy with The Sooty Show.

No. She didn't pay me.


A witness in the next room said they heard a woman yelling.

Would you care to comment?

In the heat of the moment, Una tended to get quite vocal...if you catch my drift.

And at...6:55, when you left the room... how did Ms Drake seem?

Just happy.


I'd even say grateful.

Well, his alibi checks out.

He was on stage at the time.

No blood on his clothes or his body. No previous.

Wanted for crimes against music but that's about it.

Don't like him, then?

Never trust a man whose hair looks like a wig.

Do you think Una was in love with him?

Doubt it.

She was just using him for s*x.

All pretty sordid, if you ask me.

What? Because she's a woman?

No, cos she's set herself up as the guardian of public morals.

I mean, talk about double standards.

What about your double standards? Eh?

A man uses a woman for s*x, all his mates pat him on the back.

A woman behaves the same way and suddenly it's sordid.

Blimey, you're even beginning to sound like the mayor. I don't know why this bothers you.

It's police business.

Yes, but...

Una's death may be linked to my ongoing investigation into old Harry's drowning.

Hey, I told you about this before.

The coconut ones are mine.

Sorry. Sorry.


Thanks for coming.

Hannah's in the kitchen. OK.

Dad would never hear a bad word said about her.

Not even when she walked out on him.

When was that?

About 18 months ago.

Just after she got elected to the council.

Dad acted like it was his fault for not being interesting enough but... that's him all over.

Well...as marriage splits go, it all sounds fairly amicable.

I guess.

I wasn't around much at the time.

I'd just turned 16 - too busy partying.

I think they drifted apart because Mum was ambitious and Dad, well, prefers the simple life.

His idea of success is winning a prize at the annual apple festival.

I loved her, don't get me wrong, but... you met her.

You must have seen what she was like.

Hannah, apart from the Punch & Judy man, did your mum have any other enemies?


Right, John...there you go.

No charge.

So...yesterday evening, between seven and eight, where were you?


Drunk is not a location.

It is when you're as drunk as I was!

John, either you start taking this seriously or I'm going to charge you with obstruction and make the rest up as I go along.

Take what seriously?

I don't even know what I'm supposed to have done!

No-one's accusing you of anything...yet.

Despite the fact that you're a known offender with a history of violent assaults, and yesterday afternoon, you threatened the mayor in front of witnesses.

Yeah, well, she had that coming. Well, someone obviously thought so, because shortly after your little outburst, she was found dead.

This is a joke, right?

Do you see me laughing?

Yes! Oh, yes!

Oh, there is a God! Yes!

John... All right, John, John, sit down.

Now, where were you?

I can't remember!

All I can tell you is, I woke up in my hut at seven o'clock this morning with the worst hangover I've had in years...but, eh, it's not all bad news.

The Wicked Witch is dead! That's karma, that's what that is!

All right...

On your way.

( He laughs )

All right, Johnny boy?!

♪ Gold, gold... ♪
♪ Always believe in your soul ♪
♪ You've got the power to know ♪
♪ You're indestructible ♪
♪ Always believing... ♪

( Feedback )

♪ Gold ♪
♪ Glad that you're bound to return ♪
♪ Something I should have learned ♪
♪ You're indestructible ♪
♪ Always believing... ♪

( Struggles to hold note )

(Out of breath): Gold!

( Applause )

(Out of breath): Thank you!

We're now going to take a short break but...don't go anywhere.

Mr Ball.

I was wondering if you'd mind answering a few questions?


Officer, please...I've already spoken to you guys.

I'm not the police.

Jane Kennedy, coroner.

Then we'd best have a drink.

I'm investigating the death of Harold Putman.

The Punch & Judy man?

Oh, yeah. Una was a bit upset about that.


Yeah. She thought it might damage her popularity.

All heart, was old Una.

You obviously liked her. Yeah...

Mmm...I just wish me and Una had parted on better terms, that's all.

Was there some sort of disagreement?

Hmm, more like a blazing row.

About the Punch & Judy man?

About my career.

I've had this great idea for an album, see...

Having A Ball With Danny Ball.

But, I just need a backer to pay for some studio time.

And you asked Una?

Mmm...even bought her a bottle of bubbly to sweeten her up.

And guess what she told me.

That it'd be a waste of money cos I'm not much of a singer.

That...if I had what it takes, I would've made it by now!

And what did you say?

Well, I went ballistic.

I mean, you've heard me...

Would you say I've got a voice?

Oh, yeah...it's definitely a voice.

Well...thanks for your time, Mr Ball.

You know, for your age... you really are a fine-looking lady.

Has anyone ever told you that before?

Funnily enough, just men like you.

As bad as that, is it? Hey.


I don't think the deckchair man's got anything to do with it.

The fact that he hated the mayor is not enough to hold him.

I may as well arrest myself.

And Gavin Drake's alibi is rock solid - he was in a restaurant the whole time.

He could have arranged for someone else to kill Una.

Yeah, I did think of that so I ran a check on the Drakes' finances to see if Gavin had anything to gain from his wife's death but... it turns out the house, the farm, everything that went with it was in his name.

When Una left, she wouldn't take a penny from him.

A proud woman.

Yeah, a very annoying woman.

As unhelpful in death as she was in life.

No joy from forensics? No...

The only DNA on the champagne bottle belonged to the victim.

Well, if it's any consolation, Danny Ball has been hiding something.

Yeah, what's that? It really is a wig?

He and Una, they had a blazing row just before she was killed.

All right, I love you!

( Car accelerates )

( Tyres screech )

( He screams )

( Police siren blares )

Let's step you out of the car!

Get off me!

You should be arresting him, not me!

He killed my mother! You're a murderer!

Easy, easy, easy.

Right, you're under arrest. Do you understand?

Why did you run him over?

I didn't.

He stepped in front of my car.

Oh, you just happened to be driving through the hotel car park and there he was?

Now, your mum kept her relationship with Mr Ball under wraps and we've been careful not to release his name to the public, so why would you even be aware of his existence?

Why don't you ask him?

Because I'd rather hear it from you.

( Danny groans )

Why did the mayor's daughter attack you?

Oh, is that who it was? Danny...

If you persist in lying, you're only going to get yourself in deeper and deeper trouble.

I haven't lied - not exactly.

Just haven't told the truth, that's all.

More to the point, what has any of this got to do with Punch & Judy?

I don't know yet.

I dated Hannah last Christmas.

Nice girl, but a bit too keen for my liking.

We'd only known each other a week and she invited me for Sunday lunch.

Is that when you first met Una?

( He laughs )


It was lust at first sight.

I ended it with Hannah the very next day.

Yes, please, Nurse.

Thank you.

You were saying?

A few days later, her mum turned up at the hotel...

Told me she wanted me.

Her sole condition being that Hannah must never find out.

God, what a mess.

What am I going to do now?

You're worried Hannah will incriminate you?

No. No!

I mean, what are my fans going to say when they see me like this?

Goodbye, Danny.

( He inhales )

I'm going to ask you again.

How did you find out?

A friend from college said she'd seen Mum and Danny together in the hotel bar.

I didn't believe her.

So, I checked Mum's phone when she was in the shower.

And there were the texts, all the things she wanted to do to him and all the things he wanted to do to her.

I'm sorry.

Did you challenge her about it?

I was going to... on the night she died.

But she made an excuse.

Went off to see Danny instead.

So, you felt like she had betrayed you? She DID betray me.

You hated her. You wanted her dead. Is that what you're telling me, Hannah?


You admit it, then?

I just said so, didn't I? Good.

Now we're getting somewhere.

What time did you go to the hotel?

I don't understand the question.

Oh, come on, don't play games with me. I'm not!

All right...

Well, maybe this will jog your memory.

No... No, no, no, no!

Hannah! Hannah!

Get some help, please. Hannah!

( She cries uncontrollably )

( Alarm sounds )

Well, obviously she went to the hotel.

What if she didn't?

If you ask me, a girl who runs her ex-boyfriend over with a car is capable of anything, unless you think the mayor was murdered twice?

So, listen, why don't you do us both a favour?

Go home, put your feet up, pour a nice glass of red wine and drink to the fact that I can and I have, just this once, managed to wrap up a murder inquiry without your help.

I know he wasn't serious but... maybe Davey had a point. What about?

Maybe there were two killers...

Two separate murder attempts.

How do you reckon that?

According to this, the injuries to Una's brain were so severe, death would have been instantaneous.

Instantaneous meaning she would have had no time to make phone calls.

So, surely that means she received the head injuries after she passed out?

So, what if Hannah gets the ball rolling, puts her mum out of action?

Then someone else comes into the hotel room, sees the mayor lying there and... But who, though?

No, you're right...

Without a name or a motive, we're no further on.


I never noticed that before. What?

Looks like she had a nose job.

Before and after.

There is nothing wrong with that nose. I agree.

So, why change it?

Might've got knocked out of shape.

We all know she was a...pain in the bum.

Someone could have punched her.


( Phone rings )


Dr Sharp?

Thanks for getting back.

I just wondered if there was an update on Hannah Drake?

So, she's not well enough to be interviewed yet, no?

No, no, no, it's all right.

That's all I wanted to know.


Well? Looks like you were right.

Una made two visits to A & E last year.

The first was in late May.

"Multiple contusions to back and shoulders caused by a fall down stairs."

Just two weeks after her election to town council.

Her next visit - 2nd June...

"Broken nose and dislocated right shoulder - patient slipped in bath."

Hmm...likely story.

And listen to this, the very next day, she leaves her husband.

A week later, she books herself into a private clinic and gets a new conk.

Good work. Well done.

Unfortunately, it still leaves us with a major problem.

Of all the suspects, Gavin Drake is the only one with an alibi.

At the time of the murder, he was sat here at a table booked by his wife.

I wonder what made her choose this place?

Well, I'm guessing the fact it's only a minute from the hotel had something to do with it.

Plus, the food's meant to be good.

Yeah! I'm surprised anyone's ever lived long enough to find out.

What do you mean?

I came here with a girl once...

They usually wait till I've settled the bill before they tell me they only want me as a friend.

But that night, the service was so bad, I got dumped before we'd even ordered.

Catch you later.

Hang on, I thought you were paying?

So, what does this prove?

Well, it all fits.

No wonder she didn't like Punch & Judy. She was living with a real life Mr Punch.

Well, then why didn't she report it?

Maybe she didn't want to be seen as a victim.

No. What you've got there is purely circumstantial.

Yes, but as you're always pointing out, the majority of convictions are supported on the basis of circumstantial evidence.

That doesn't even prove she was attacked, let alone by her husband.

Besides, you put Gavin Drake in the ring with Una and my money's on the mayor every time.

Surely we should at least talk to him? You talk to him. I'm busy.

I'm finally going to get to interview his daughter.

You know, the person that actually committed the crime.

( Opera music )




God, woman... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Don't creep up on people like that.

I didn't mean to. Are you all right?

You nearly gave me a heart attack.

For a moment, I thought you were Una come back to haunt me.

Actually...it was Una I wanted to talk to you about. Hmm?

I know it's...none of my business but I just...

I wondered why you separated?

It was a tough time.

Una started putting her career before her family.

I thought I was losing her.


Turns out I have abandonment issues.

There's a therapist's phrase if ever I heard one. Yeah...

It was Una's idea.

She said the marriage wasn't over, just on hold.

Promised that if I went to counselling, sorted my head out, there might be a way back for us.

And you took her at her word.

I had no choice.

I loved her.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm sort of busy.

Of course. Sorry.

I'm sorry. That sounded rude.

It's just I'm expecting my daughter any moment.

Haven't you heard? Heard what?

Hannah's been arrested.


How are you feeling?

You're the detective.

How do you think I'm feeling?

Whilst the doctors were assessing you, I did some homework.

I reread the forensic pathologist's report and I found evidence of a thing called...laryngeal oedema.

You know what that is?

No? It's a well-known symptom of anaphylactic shock.

Was your mum allergic to anything, Hannah?

The truth.

She was allergic to crustaceans.

Crab, lobster, prawn...

But I get the feeling you already knew that.

You know, you're right.

So, I went back to your mum's house and I searched your bedroom and I found these on top of the wardrobe.

I'm showing the suspect Exhibit A and Exhibit B.

Now, my guess is you took these out of your mum's bag at the cafe at about the same time you poisoned her food.

Would that be right?

Why don't you tell me what happened?

Mum went to the counter to complain that her tea was too weak.

She was always complaining about something.

As soon as her back was turned, I smeared a bit of prawn on one of her scones.

And then what happened? Nothing.

It wasn't likely to. She suffered from EIA.

Come again?

Exercise-induced anaphylaxis.

Mum could eat something that had been contaminated and, at first, there'd be no reaction.

The choking and shortness of breath only kicked in after exercise.

And, of course, you knew she'd soon be at that hotel... exercising.

I'm sorry. I assumed Hannah would have called to let you know. No.

I don't know any details, just that she has admitted to killing her mum.

No. It's impossible.

You seem very certain.

I know my own daughter, OK?

They must have tricked her, forced a confession.

Hannah had nothing to do with it.

I see you're still wearing your wedding ring.

What about it?

No, nothing, just...

When I met Una, she wasn't wearing hers and yet... in that photograph, taken just 24 hours previously, there it is.

It's odd, don't you think?

As if she deliberately removed her wedding ring on the day that she arranged to meet you.

I can't say I noticed.

Care to join me? No, I'm driving.

Go on...

It's my own home-made scrumpy.

Lovely stuff.

OK, maybe just a little.

Thanks. Cheers. Cheers.


I'll admit I knew something was going on.

So I followed her.

Stupid, I know, but... that's what jealousy does to you...

Eats away at you until you simply have to know the worst.

You do realise what you've admitted to?

She was my mum, for God's sake!

She was supposed to love me and take care of me.

I thought Danny would phone an ambulance.

I didn't know he'd be on stage when it happened.

So, you didn't mean to kill your mother?

Is that what you're telling me? Yeah.

Hannah, for someone who didn't mean to kill their mother, you did a pretty good job.

Those head injuries? They're among the worst I've ever seen. That wasn't me. Hannah, come on.

No, look!

Those pictures...

I don't know who did that to her.

All I know is, I had nothing to do with it.

I saw her at the hotel with that...

X Factor reject.

I kept my distance, didn't want to make a scene.

I thought that could wait till dinner, when I got her all to myself.

But then she didn't even bother to turn up.

There was me thinking she wanted to build bridges.

When in fact, she was probably going to ask you for a divorce.

I know.

Why couldn't I see that?

Like a little kid sometimes...

Too trusting.

Spent a fortune in counselling.

"How are we feeling today, Gavin?"

All the time, she was just stringing me along.

The night it ended said it all, me... waiting at that restaurant like a lemon while she's living it up, drinking cham...

Drinking champagne?

What makes you think she was drinking champagne?

You were in a lot of pain, Gavin.

( Seagulls cry )

When she didn't show at the restaurant, I think you... you went to go and find her.

( Danny hums )

When you got to the hotel, you discovered the reason she'd been detained.

♪ Do you really want to hurt me? ♪
♪ Do you really want to... ♪

I imagine you... even considered going home... forgetting all about her.

♪ Lovers never ask you why... ♪

The urge was too strong.

I doubt you could help yourself.

( Phone rings )

The police know I'm here. Yeah?

Where are they, then?

OK, attacking your wife is one thing. You hurt me, that's a different story. You know that, don't you?

(Breathlessly): Come on, Gavin, it's over. Put the knife down. Please don't...

You don't want to hurt me.

You don't think I can?

I've done it before!

No, I believe you! Just...

Please, Gavin, this isn't who you are.

( Police siren blares )


Oh! Hey!

Are you OK? Are you OK?

( They pant )

I got you, I got you...

Come on, come on. Come on.

All right. Mind your head for me, Mr Drake.


Clever clogs.

Do you ever get tired of being right?

Especially at moments like this.

What gets me is Drake needn't have bothered.

If he'd left his wife alone, she would have died anyway!

Oh, I'm glad you think it's amusing.

No, it's bloody tragic.

A whole family destroyed and for what?

Well, at least you're OK because...

Because what?


Because... you know...

No, I don't know...

Why don't you tell me?

( Phone rings )

I've got to take this.

Hello, Annette.


Yeah, I know, I've got to pick the car up.

Yes. What's the matter with it now?

Now, now, Punch.

What's all this about you raising your voice to Mrs Punch?

I'm sorry, Officer.

I don't know what came over me.

Well... as long as you're willing to attend an anger management course, we'll say no more about it.

( Applause )

That's the way to do it.

Well... I've seen old Harry's show so many times, I know it by heart.

I thought I might as well continue the tradition.

Actually, it was Harry I came to talk to you about.

We heard back from the pathologist.

It looks as though Harry drank himself into a stupor and passed out on the beach.

The incoming tide did the rest.

If it's any comfort, John, I don't think he knew anything about it.

The show must go on, eh? Oh, yeah!

(From courtroom): All rise for Her Majesty's Coroner.