02x02 - Flicky-Flicky Thump-Thump

It's my opinion that a custody practice called bird nesting is the best course of action.

Great. Yeah. Driving back and forth from the Palisades to Los Feliz...

I'll tell you, it's done severe psychological damage to the kids, like PTSD, you know?

Ella now probably has a fear of weddings, thank you.

Man: Okay.

Thank you.

Zachary and Ella will stay at the Los Feliz residence while each of you takes turns cohabitating with them.

Sarah, I recommend you rent an apartment nearby.

Now, some couples share their secondary apartment.

That's not going to happen.

f*ck, no.

Man: I'd like to recommend a schedule of 2-2-3.

24 Hour Fitness available across the street.

Monday, Tuesday is Sarah.

Wednesday, Thursday Len.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, you alternate.

...bathroom, convertible shower heads...

The Los Feliz house now belongs to your kids.

Woman: Uh, on-site...

It's time for Zachary and Ella to get their lives back.

No more chaos.

You have controlled access elevators.

♪ ♪ [theme]

Teacher: When we look up at the sky, we're not seeing the universe as it is today but as it was hundreds, thousands, millions of years ago.

The multitudinous past of every star sending photons hurtling through space, each one a clue as to our origins.

What you are looking at is the past.


Oh, my God.

Hurry. I got a target heartrate to maintain.

What do you think about this?

No. No.

Ooh, wait a minute. How about this?

What's that black and white one?

This one, is this too water aerobics?



No, it's very nice, especially with the right sandal.

Oh, God. People don't even swim at pool parties.

Can you help me?

I can't...

Here I come to save the day.

It's okay. Don't worry.

You're going to look great.

Ahem. I like this one.

Shelly: Oi.


Hey, Mrs. P!


You don't by chance have a timeline on this storage unit here, do you?

No. Why?

Rosalie Rollman issued a formal complaint about it to the condo board.

Rosalie Rollman can kiss my ass.

She wants a special assessment for the pond.

Here's my special assessment for the fakacteh fershtunkiner pond.

Drain the fucker!

Glad to see you're working out.

Like we all need duck and goose sh1t everywhere.

[laughing] Rosalie Rollman.

I'm going... I'm going to move this, this whole thing, all right?

Because you don't deserve to be a pariah here.

It's not a big problem.

This makes me feel like a vagabond anyway.

Ah. You will do no such thing.

I like you and the box right here.

Come here.



Hey. It's been a while.



Uh, you're... you're stopping by.

I'm stopping by. Just a casual stop-by.

All right, well, come on in.

Nice haircut.

Why, thank you very much.

That's an interesting braid. It's like...


Did you join, like, a New Wave, like, polygamous cult?

A little Punk House On the Prairie?

How did I not see this coming?

It's also, like, a little bit like a fly fishing lure.

It's just this is the back end, you know?

Like A River Runs Through It.


You just, like, toss you out into the river and catch a fish.

Are you done?

I have one more.


I feel like I could also, like, set up a badminton net in here and use your head like a shuttlecock.


You just wanted to say shuttlecock.

Yeah. It's cute.

Thank you.

From this angle.

Are you done making fun of me?


Isn't that why you came back?

I guess so.

I also very much have been wanting to say that I'm sorry and that I... I hope you will take me as your friend again.

I will take you as my friend again.

Okay, let's be friends.

Uh, okay.

Short notice.

I'm having people over tonight.

Low key. We're going to play Mafia, do a bunch of hard drugs. Not really.

Um, do you want to come?

Woman: Tell me more about Danielle.

Yeah, she, uh, she's Mrs. Ambition.

She's, like, the right hand lady to the CEO, so, I mean, she was hired as just an admin, and...

Rita: Leo Carrillo?


Leo Carrillo?

What's... What... What?

Leo Carrillo. The beach.

He said you were going swimming.

Oh. The beach.

We used to go there.

Got it. No.

We're having a thing at the house, a pool thing.

Oh, a pool thing.

It's an industry party.


I'm debuting my new band.

He'll be impressed.

[door opens]



You ready, bud?

Yeah. Sorry.


So want to hit it?


Come here. Give Mama a kiss.

Mm-mm-mm. Have fun.

All right.

Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you.

I'm thinking about staying in Los Angeles for senior year.



Oh. Were Rita and your parents cool with that?

Yeah, my parents are totally cool with it.

And actually, it was Rita's idea.

She says she feels greedy, you know, for me, seeing as she hasn't had me till now.


Hey, guys. Hey, Colton.

Hey, Rabbi.

Look at your swim trunks.

You ready for a pool party?

Oh, yeah.

Come on in the front seat.

You're riding shotgun with those long legs of yours.

No. I'll squish them. I don't mind.

I appreciate it.

I insist.

Yo, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Come here.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.


Let's do this.

You sure?

Yes, please.

I feel weird.

Sit inside of the car.

Hey. Guess what.

Yeah. Huh?

This guy is going to live in L.A., maybe do his senior year here.


Wow. That's...

Wait, is Rita cool with this?

Is that what she...

Yeah. It was Rita's idea.



I know, right?

It's a really nice car.


Uh, you guys ready?



[engine starts]

These work, right?

Shelly: Beautiful.

They're gorgeous. You got boobies.

Well, no.

I never saw boobies before.

I've never worn boobies.

Oh, you're wearing them.

I could even bump it up one size.

You could.

Because I'm tall.


This under here is a disaster.

We all have that.

From doing these, you know?

It's skin. You can't tighten skin.

Looks good, right?

Oh, it's much better.

I'll put the hair up.

The hair up is gorgeous.


You know, the eye makeup actually draws your attention away.

I'm just going to do this.

I'm not going to... I'm...

I'm... You okay?

Uh, do you get... hand me my Jean Naté?

It's in the bottom cabinet under the sink.

You remember Jean Naté, right?

Ah, yes. Oh, I like this.

I'm going to do some.

Give me a little.

Just a little.

Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!

I told you it was cold.


All right.

We had some good times.

We had good times.

They weren't all bad times.

Not all bad times.

Nobody makes me laugh like you.


You know that thing you used to do with your finger?

Hmm? Nobody could do that like you.

There are other people.

No. You have a talent.

What did we used to call it?

It's the flicky-flicky thump-thump.



Don't make me do this.

Do it.



Good. All right, you good?

No, no.

♪ La la la la la la ♪

Stop it.

Oh, you're a bad girl.

I'm a very, very bad girl.

Oh, that feels... good.



Oh, my God, That feels so good.









Let me do that.

Okay. Ahh.



Ah. Ohh.


Ohh! Ohh!

Uhh! Ohh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! God!

Oh, G...

Oh, God.

[panting, laughing]

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Heh heh heh heh.


All right?


Your turn.

I'm good.

Come on.

Come here.

I'm good.

Really, I am.

Close your eyes.

[door opens]

Where are all the people?

Josh promised not to let them in the house so he doesn't damage anything.

Wouldn't it damage their eyes with the hideous monstrosity that is the taste of Tammy Cashman?

God. It really is horrendous.

How did I not see this?

You had your foggy f*ck goggles on too tight.


Is that Dana Devon?

It's every L.A. industry douche bag.

It's a party.


You found them?


What about the laundry room?

Ah. Okay.


My sisters are here.

They're sneaking in the back.

It's a sneak attack.

Raquel: They're right here. You were right.



That's what I'm talking about. So beautiful.

Saving the day. Listen, come help me pinch roll these towels.

We need to make them tight like the Four Seasons.

How are you holding up?

Yeah, I'm alright. You know. Oddly okay.

Alone in... in jail.

Well, I thought that the email you sent to everybody explaining how it's over between you and Tammy was really, really beautiful.


Yeah, so well worded.


Ali: You didn't BCC.

I didn't? What?

Sarah, I told you you got to BCC.

It's totally unprofesh.

I don't get the... I just can't f*cking get the CC BC... I don't understand.

By the way, did I tell you who's coming?

Please tell me it's Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

Mama and Maupa.

You're saying it like they're a couple.



Please tell me that's not true.

No. I think I might have got a whiff of that sh1t.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, for real.

I'm just saying.

The wedding cake is in here.

[gasp] Yes.

Right? I'm going to put it out.

Oh, no, no, no.

That cake is f*cking delicious.

This is catered. We're not doing old-ass wedding cake.

That cake was the best thing about that wedding.

Maura: The original owners are here. Hi.

Oh, my God, I'm so hungry.

How are you, my pretty girl?

Hello, baby, hello.


Oh, you, you, you, you, you.

Mwah. Hello.

So I hear you two are lesbians now.

No. I'm just living with your mom temporarily since Shangri La went condo and kicked out the queers.

I can't figure out what I'm doing quite yet.

Uh, I may buy.

You may buy? You already own this house that we're standing in. Why don't you live here?

No, this will never be my home again.

So, uh, did you call ahead and tell the kids about bathie time?

Sarah: Aren't you supposed to wash those?



Josh: They look fantastic.

They're, like, covered in chemicals.

♪ ♪




Uh, I've been in touch with Simon, and I was thinking about going to see Grandma Rose.

And I thought you might want to come 'cause it's been a really long time.

Well, yes, it has because I was banned from seeing her.

I know, and I'm sorry.

Briana was horrible to me.

Briana has always been horrible to me.

Okay, but Grandma Rose might not be around for very much longer.

I know. She might not.


Hell, no. Let the music free your mind, okay?

This is literally the last time the three of you won't be creeped on by fans at a party.


Look at him, yeah.

Your son is built!



Yeah, that's my seed.

That's a good wholesome kid over there.



That is grade A grass-fed beef.



Is this Fussy Puss?

Oh! He be here.

At hashtag Fussy...

Margaux with an X?



And then it's Agnyss with a Y.

Hi. I'm Barry.

I haven't yet... Hi.


Bian... Just...

It's just... Hi. How's it going?

My man. How's it going?


Thanks for being here.

You guys, I'm so excited.

I'm so excited to hear you play.

Hey, sweetheart, you should put some sunscreen on.

You're very white.

I've been reapplying all day.

I think it's from Rita's side.



Hey, I looked up "trans" on YouTube the other day.

I saw this... this really funny lady.

She wears a cape.

Uh, is that, like, a... a trans thing?

No, no. I don't think so.

I think that's more like a YouTube thing.


Okay. Good talk.




♪ ♪ [techno beat]


Who's she?

I got to be honest. I did not think you would come.

Of course I came.

No, man, I'm going to stay here until you throw a chair at me.


That's what my goal is.


I'm going to make you throw furniture at my head every time we see each other.

It'll be inflated if it happens this time.

Listen, listen, listen.

I want you to hear the girls.

Yeah, yeah.

If you like them, I want to talk about your Inner Scope imprint.

Oh, Joshie, you just gave me a boner.

That's what I'm talking about.

Okay, we can talk.

But you cannot leave until you hear them.

No, I'll stay. Of course, man.

All right.

Where are your kids?

They're in Big Bear with Len and Melanie, probably dehydrated and covered in ticks, but hey, I mean, I can't... can't take care of everyone.

Got to take care of me. Need some me time right now.

Get my me on.

You know, I, uh, I lead a... a study group in the Torah of healing.

Is that something you would love to... just drop in. I'd love to have you.

You want a drink?

You could get...

I'm pregnant.

Oh. That's right.

Hi, darling.

Come sit with me.

Come on.


♪ You are the only one ♪
♪ That I've been thinking of ♪

Elliot, I want you to meet Margaux right here.

This is Elliot Weiss. He's A&R for Capitol Records.



Turns out I love the flavor of lost lesbian wedding dream cake.

Look at your brother.

Joshie is in his kingdom.

Yep. It's a fairy tale.

And I'm merely the troll that spins the perimeter of the murky, murky moat.

Why do you do that?

Why do you always put yourself down?

♪ Why play these games ♪
♪ We play when they don't go nowhere? 媻

♪ Why play these games we play? 媻

♪ Girl, let's just go somewhere ♪
♪ I'll dive into... ♪


Josh: This is like a motherfucking dream up in here!

The moment has arrived.

Fussy Puss.


♪ Oh ♪
♪ Backhanded lie ♪
♪ There is smoke and fire ♪
♪ You are the greatest liar ♪
♪ I wish you'd disappear ♪
♪ Now I've seen enough ♪
♪ Of your dirty love ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Of your dirty love ♪
♪ Now I got you out ♪
♪ I just want you gone ♪
♪ I need to be alone ♪
♪ Your dirty magic ♪
♪ You broke in my heart ♪
♪ With your black heart ♪
♪ Now the power's out ♪
♪ And you are thin air ♪
♪ What an illusion ♪
♪ I could have sworn that you were there ♪
♪ Smoke and mirrors ♪
♪ You were just a... ♪

Dude, they're really good.

♪ ...hologram ♪

I know.

They're like money-money baby-baby good.

♪ And you are thin air ♪
♪ What an illusion ♪
♪ I could have sworn that you were there ♪
♪ Smoke and mirrors ♪
♪ You were just a hollow man ♪
♪ Hologram ♪
♪ History's heartbreak ♪
♪ Was in myself ♪
♪ No one in the world ♪
♪ Has ever cried ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ied ♪
♪ I no longer cry ♪
♪ Now the power's out ♪
♪ And you are thin air ♪
♪ What an illusion ♪
♪ I could have sworn that you were there ♪
♪ Smoke and mirrors ♪
♪ You were just a hollow man ♪
♪ Hologram ♪
♪ Now the power's out ♪
♪ And you are thin air ♪
♪ What an illusion ♪
♪ I could have sworn that you were there ♪
♪ Smoke and mirrors ♪
♪ You were just a hollow man ♪
♪ Hologram ♪
♪ Now... ♪

[crowd gasping]

Tammy: Hi.

Hi, everybody! Are we having fun?

And Bianca's here, so that's good because Bianca's always at a party because you're a party girl, aren't you, baby?

It's cool, everybody.

You're a party girl. No, I'm good.

No, I'm good.

Tammy, let's go inside.

I'm good. I'm good. Don't worry. I'm good.

Get the f*ck inside.

No. f*ck off, Josh.

You're not coming in...

f*ck off. You f*ck off.

[gasping, murmuring]


I'll deck you.

Hi, everybody.

My name's Tammy, if you don't know who I am, and I'm here because we're having a little...

What are we celebrating?

Go home, sweetheart.

No, sweetheart. Come on.

[microphone feedback]

I don't really understand why we're having a party and I didn't get an invitation.

Are you drunk? You're 12 years sober.

Sweetie, you're...

What are we doing?

Hey, Colton.

I think we should just go inside.

We got to take her out of here.

Why are we having the party?

I don't understand why we're having a party!

It doesn't have to be this...

Just go.

Let me go!

You guys, this is crazy.

f*cking let me go.

Get out of here.

f*ck you.

You know what, Sarah?

I am a beautiful soul.

And you are all... monsters.

Hey. Hey!

No, no, no, no!



This is crazy. That's enough.

This is our wedding cake.

This is our cake.

Sarah, this is our cake.


Remember we went to that sweet little shop in Venice and we tried, like, 12 different cakes?

Remember, honey, we fell in love with this?

Sarah, okay?

[Tammy gibbering]

Sarah: Just calm down.

I have a beautiful soul.

Yes, you do.

I have the soul of a warrior!

Yes, you do.

I do!


And you have crushed it!

You have ruined my life!

You think there's no f*cking consequence?

I am a f*cking conse...

It's not... Okay.

I am a f*cking consequence.

You're all waiting, aren't you?

You're waiting for me to stop so you can tell everybody...


...how crazy I am!

It's just...

Well, I am not crazy!

You're crazy! I am in pain!

I am your pain!

No, no, no. Don't.

[gasping, murmuring]

Go f*ck yourselves.

Let's go, let's go.

Oh, God.


I'm fine, okay? I'm fine.

♪ ♪


Do me a favor.

Tell your sister to take Mom home, all right? I have to make a stop.


Can't you tell her?


Isn't it weird that that whole time down by the pool... the one person that I could not keep my eyes off of... was Colton?

Standing there all by himself.

The Cross necklace.

I just want to protect him.

You... me... new baby... and Colton... we need to live in this house.

It's a big house.

It has a big feeling.

Shelly: Okay.

You need help with that?

No, no. I got it.

Do you want me to walk you?

I can function. I can manage.

Okay, dolly, b... Oh.

All right. Bye, Mom. Love you.

Okay. Ohh.

All right.

Watch your hand.

Good night, dolly.

♪ Walking up to me ♪
♪ Expecting, walking up to me ♪
♪ Expecting words ♪
♪ Happens all the time ♪



I didn't think you were going to come.

I know, but it turns out I just needed to have a party.

Yeah. Okay.

How you doing?

I'm good. Remember Ali?

This is Georgina Cole.

Oh, hi.



Nice to see you.


Can we just cheers? I need to drink so bad.

Yes. Why? Cheers.




Over here?

Yeah, sure.

♪ ♪

[gasp] She's smoking.

I think they both want to come over.

I'll take them both.

I will.

How are you?

Hi. Hi. Davina.

This is Maura. That's Roger.

You girls want to dance?

Yeah. Sure.

All right.

Let's go.

You don't want to come?

You sure?

♪ I'm gonna swing ♪
♪ From the chandelier ♪
♪ From the chandelier ♪
♪ I'm gonna live ♪
♪ Like tomorrow doesn't exist♪
♪ Like it doesn't exist ♪
♪ I'm gonna fly ♪
♪ Like a bird through the night ♪
♪ Feel my tears as they dry ♪

Come on.

♪ I'm gonna swing ♪
♪ From the chandelier ♪
♪ From the chandelier ♪
♪ I'm holding on for dear life ♪
♪ Won't look down, won't open my eyes ♪
♪ Keep my glass full until morning light ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight ♪
♪ Help me, I'm holding on for dear life ♪
♪ Won't look down, won't open my eyes ♪
♪ Keep my glass full until morning light ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight ♪
♪ Oh, I'm just holding on for tonight ♪
♪ On for tonight, on for tonight ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight ♪
♪ Oh, I'm just holding on for tonight ♪
♪ On for tonight, on for tonight ♪