02x05 - Mee-Maw

So are you and Syd really doing it?

Yes, we are.

And you actually like it?


Yeah, so what, you just... you just changed?

I don't know. I just... crossed a line that I guess I always had there for some reason.

I don't know why.

Also, I've realized I just...

I can't have real emotional intimacy with somebody who hasn't suffered under patriarchy.


No, I'm serious.

Oh, God.

All these years it's just been...

You're a lesbian because I don't give two f*cks about patriarchy.

Do you think it matters who you think about when you come?

Like, if you think about men, you're straight, and if you think about women, you're gay.




I think people think about all kinds of things.

You know who's been clogging up my mindscape lately?


Mr. Irons and his paddle.

Oh, God. You f*ck Mr. Irons in your fantasy?

No, no. He's just there.

He's watching me, telling me what to do.

I'm really sorry about that.


I know, right?

♪ ♪ [theme]

Wait. Your family is driving all the way here just to sign the high school papers?

Uh, they don't really trust the U.S. Postal Service.

What about FedEx?

[chuckle] Okay, Colton, what... what... what's going on?

Okay, so they were cool with me coming out here for a couple of weeks, right, to meet Rita and to meet you, but, you know, they, like we talked about, you know, I, you know, kind of decided that I want to stay for longer, and when I was talking to them on the phone the other day, maybe, I don't know, I guess they heard something in my voice, but, you know, they... now they want to meet both of you, you know, and... and I'm really sorry because I know I should have told you earlier, and I have that. That's my bad...


...but, you know, it's...

Okay. It's good.

...this all happened so fast.

Everything's going to be fine, so you can chill.

Raquel: Okay, so, uh... who... who are we meeting, Mom and Dad?

Well, yeah, Pappy, but I guess you can call him Pastor Gene or just Gene, you know.


And I call Mama "Mama," but you can call her Blossie, Okay.

...and, you know, my sister Becky and my brother Cliff are also going to be here.

Okay. All right. Okay.

Relax. Relax.

And if it's okay with you guys, Pappy might need to hook up the RV to your septic.


So I wanted to just say up front that the fact that you won these sessions in an auction is a little bit of a problem.


I mean, I don't... Sorry.

Let me try again.

So I think there's something in all of us, and this is what I said in my book, um, that's a spark, and the spark inside of us is like a boom!

And the boom cries out for us and starts off "I need help. I need help.

"I need to make a change.

"I need to make a change.

[louder] I need to make a change," until it gets real big.

And for you, for all intensive purposes, your spark was just handed to you at a school gala, so you didn't choose it.

That's not my fault.

It's not "intensive purposes."

Did you say "intensive purposes"?

It's "Intents and purposes."

That's not true.


Well, that you said it or...

Are you pretty controlling?

People say you're pretty controlling?

No, I'm not controlling.

I mean, I'm just honest, but... I mean, I maybe was a little controlling, but I'm not. I mean, I used to be.

I used to have, you know, the perfect house and the perfect husband and these little kids' aluminum Bento boxes, you know, like, for lunches.

And, I mean, I liked to compartmentalize, but I don't anymore, and I'm very... I'm out there.

I'm living... I mean, it's a mess.

Everything's blowing up everywhere.

You know what it sounds like to me is a messy life is what we call clutter.

And it sounds like, to me, Sadie, that there's just so much clutter.

Sarah, but that's okay.

But I just want to say something.

I don't really get the thing back to the whole, like, winning the thing.

You... You donated them.

Now, that sounds hostile to me, so I feel like you are putting up a... a wall made of bricks and cement and all kinds of things so you can't get through to me and I can't get through to you.

And by the end of our sessions together, we're going to knock down that wall, and we're going to see each other, and you're going to feel better.

Oh, my goddess, oh, my goddess, oh, my goddess.

Look, look, look, look.

And you've never seen this?

No, no. I just sent all my old photographs to this kookaburra artist, and she sent me back these.

Oh, my God.


They regendered the whole photo.

Oh, my God, is this Baby Davina?

Look at that.

Look at that face.

Oh, so cute.

Look at her.

She's pretty.

They changed my old striped shirt into a pinafore.

Look at me.

Look at my hair.

Look at this.

Let me see your teeth.

They're not the same anymore.

What's wrong with you?

What are these?

Other pictures, too.

[gasp] Is that you?

That's me.

I'm happier now than I was back then.

I'm going to do this.

Oh, my God.

Can I take one of these?


Hello. Hi.


Uh, I'm sorry if this is weird, but I think you should be wearing this when his parents get here.

What is that?

It's just so that, you know, we present the right optics in this situazione.



Yeah. Um, you know, because look, hey, this thing is not worthy of you, but it is, uh, a family heirloom, so I'm ye old Jew on my Dad's side...

That's the wrong finger.

Okay, and... [chuckles] sorry.

I'm sorry. Is this your proposal to me?

No. No, no.

No, no. Hell, no.


Um, this is, um, not... it's just a thing.

It's a thing that goes on the finger while the people are here.

I'm not putting it on my finger.



Okay. Listen.

You should know, uh, that I already talked to the ring guy.

We're mid-design on the real dealio, and I just... Look, this is just a temporary thing because these are conservative people.

Why would you even care what they possibly think of us?

We are good people. You know what I'm s...

Like, now we're going to walk in like... feeling like we're liars?

They're f*cking... We are good people.

We're not... We haven't done anything wrong.

He's... He is lucky that he gets to stay here with us.

Okay, I think you mean that we're lucky to have him.

You ask me to put that on...

Colton: Hey, they're here!

Please, please, please, please, please.

Oh, my God. Just...

Back, back, back, back.




Josh: Oh, my God.


How are you? Whoa!

There he is. There's my baby.

Oh, so thin. You're skin and bones.

My diet's a little different.

Kind of a sweet tea.

Ah. Hello, there, young man.

It's good to see you.

Good to see you, too.

Hey, these guys, can I take them to the pool?

Of course. Now don't run, and behave now.

Go, go, go.

Watch your step.



I'm Josh Pfefferman.

This is my fiancée Raquel.

Blessing to meet you.

I have imagined this moment for so long.

You know, Colton has obsessed his whole life about finding who his mom...


Careful of the step.

Of course.

There's levels here, Gene.

You're, uh, you're all grown up, I see.


In my mind, I still see that picture of you as a young boy.

Oh, isn't that the truth?

Oh, you guys have seen pictures of me?

Oh, yes. Yes, we have.

Syd: Full moon ritual tonight.

Okay, the hosts: Leslie Mackinaw herself and her so-called land partner Zelda, who is also the White Witch of Echo Park.

Ali: Uh-huh.

Are you listening?

Oh, yeah.


I am very deep in this Facebook page.

It is amazing.

I'm listening. Oh, yeah.

Oh, geez.

Okay. I love you. Put it away.

You're violating the code, which is that it is in the dark only.

Not... Not for... Not meant for flossing?

Please. Honestly.

Why have you been hiding this from me?

Because it's a nighttime only thing.

That's never seen the light of day.

It's very uncomfortable.

I'm never taking it off.

I'm comfortable...

I'm wearing it to the full moon ritual.

Look. "Please bring your own ritual tools."

Okay, that's...

"Knives, wands, chalices."

That's not a ritual tool.

Please, will you please stop touching me?


Well, I would love to go. We're going.



But what if I say something or do something stupid and then she doesn't let me into her program?

Do you think she remembers you?

I mean, it's likely.

Okay. So we go.

We, like, sneak around, I think be all sketchy in the background, kind of anonymous, behind the "womyn": wom-y-en.

If we go, I think we have to say hi.

Just, like, twiddle casually.

Oh, hey.

Oh, hey.

Going to do everything with this now, so...

Yeah, me, too.

I'm going to do the New York Times crossword puzzle with a dick on. Ooh.

I'm going to make tea with a dick on...

English breakfast.

I'm going to throw pebbles in a pond with a dick on.

Skipping rocks with a dick on?

Yeah, I'd like to have some feelings and watch the rain with a dick on.

[laughter, chatter]

Oh, they're having fun.

I hear you got coyote out here.


You allowed to hunt?

Uh, I'm pretty sure it's hard to get a firearm in L.A.

Oh, that's not true.

I actually have no idea.

See, that's Gene.

He's a one-track hunting mind everywhere we go.

Oh, cool. Are you a hunter?


Yes, I am.

That's nice.

How about yourself?

Raquel: Lemonade?

Hi. Hello.

Josh: Hi.

Oh, hi.

Does she know that...

Whose, uh, mobile home is that out there?

Josh: Hey. Hi.


Uh, hi. This is Colton's family.

Maura: Hi.

I'm Pastor Gene.

You must be Colton's meemaw.

Yes, exactly.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Pleasure to meet you, sir.

Hello, I'm Blossie. I'm Colton's mama.

Hi. Pleasure to meet you.

Uh, welcome. You taken care of?

Gene: Yes. Everything's wonderful.

Make yourself at home.

We're having snacks.

Did you know where Tammy kept our family keepsakes?

I'm looking for the photo albums.

I don't know. She moved everything, so good luck.

Uh, how long are you going to be here?

As long as it takes.


So, uh, everybody good?


Just fine.


You going to eat?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Cool.

All right.


Hi, pretty lady. How are you?

Fine. Thank you.

Super moped.

Oh, thanks.

Thank you so much. I'm sorry to meet here.

It was, like, an emergency and...

I gathered as much.

I let the certificate expire, and I just really appreciate it.

Are we at a business meeting?

I'm sorry.

Do you start all drug deals in parking lots with a handshake?

Heh heh heh. Here you go.

Now, this is two joints, okay?


You've got to come in and let me write you another prescription.

This is very illegal. I'm just doing this because you're Josh's hot sister.

Is this the, um... I was hoping maybe...

I forgot to ask if I could have the...

You are acting like a straight-up junkie right now.

The indica? That was the one that I...

Yes, it is.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah. Of course.

Oh, my God, that smells so good.


I really appreciate this.

That's going to do you right.

Just, like, go home, put on some music... some, like, Sade, something like that.

How much do I owe you?

Don't worry about it. I got it.



It's for Josh. Josh hooks me up constantly, so I'm happy to hook his sister up.

I really appreciate it.

Don't worry about it.

Thank you so much.

You can owe me one.


Hey. Sorry. Uh, you want to go out sometime?

You want to get a drink or something?

No. Thank you, though.

Is that 'cause you're gay?


Josh said something about you being gay now.

Is that why you don't want to get the drink?

We could just get it as friends.

You could tell me about being gay.

I mean, how do you even know, really, if you're gay?

I don't know.

When you are in bed at night, are you thinking about getting your face in that puss, or are you thinking about that sweet-sweet D?

I know for me, I'm thinking about that puss.

Give me a call if you need any help figuring it out.

Okay. Thanks again.


Remember, Sade.


Or some, like, roots reggae.

[laughing] Got it.

You know, actually, I'd have to say that our congregation is mid-sized.


It ebbs and flows as all things do, but...

Raquel: Hmm.

Josh: Huh. we do get a lot of support from our weekly broadcast.

Do you have a program?

TV show.

Yes, indeed I do, and sometimes I... I even get recognized.

Yes, it's true.

People approach me at the Sizzler, what have you.


Uh, Raquel's a rabbi.

Yes, but I do not have a TV show.

You know, we love the Jewish people.

Have the utmost respect for them.


Jesus was a Jew.

He was.

We're Jewish.

Oh. All of you are Jewish?



Colton's Jewish.

Well, some Reform people would say he's Jewish.


No, he isn't, no.

You're not, sweetie.

Colton: Uh...

No, you're not.

Uh, I didn't even...

I haven't even showed you my room yet.

Your room? Yes. What a good idea.


Yeah, uh, let's do the tour.

I'd love to see my baby's room.

Go ahead. I'll just check on the kids.

Are we going up?

Okay. Cool.

Are we going upstairs here?

Yeah, let's, uh...

Actually, no.

I'm going to be in this room when the baby comes.

You want to see this one first?

The baby? What baby?

Uh, we're...

Josh and Raquel are having a baby.

Very early on.

That's so much responsibility.

Are you going to have time for college applications?

I mean, because I'm telling you the SATs alone nearly put me under.


Well, Rita's going to help.

Rita will be a part of this?

It's going to be a whole village.

You talked to Rita about this?

You don't have a problem with Rita, do you?

Uh, no, no.

I just... She's a complicated person.

We don't have a problem, though.

Yeah, she'll be involved.

Well, we all have complications in our life.

Right now I would like to see this room downstairs.

Okay. Well, that's the basement.

We could do that first, but Colton's room's up here.

We could do this.


You're going to have a baby.

Oh. Yeah, yeah.

We're having a baby.

I hope you don't make the same mistake as last time.

Um, wh-what are you talking about?

I'm talking about Colton. I'm talking about Rita.

Now a new baby. You left that baby.

You abandoned him.

I didn't... I didn't abandon Colton.

Well, sure...


I didn't know about Colton until a few months ago.

Josh, don't lie to me. I can't believe that.

I'm telling you I literally had no idea.

I mean, she... she ran away and had the baby, like, I... She didn't tell anybody.

I find this very hard to believe.

What's your deal, man?

Why are you, like, coming after me?

I'm telling you I literally had no idea.

Nobody knew.


Excuse me.

We knew.

And I want to be very clear with you.

No one abandoned anyone.

What we did do is make a sizable contribution to your church to help that poor girl and pay her medical bills.

[door closes]

They f*cking knew?


Do you have any idea how different my life would be?

Everything would be different.

If what, honey?

If they hadn't lied.

No, honey, everything in your life would have been different if Rita hadn't molested you.


I'm so sick of everybody saying that sh1t.

Because that is...


[knock on door]

I loved her. Okay?

Colton: Hey, guys...

Give us five minutes!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Do not yell at him.

Hey, hey. Get in, get in, get in.

Sorry, Colton. There's... Uhh.

Get in. Get in here.

I'm sorry. Uh...

I'm really sorry, but they're packing up the RV, and they said they can make space for me if you want.

This is... This is f*cking insane right now.

Raquel: It is...

Do you...

Do you want to go with them?

Do you want me to go?

I just want to do what's right.

I want to do what's best for you.

What... You're a grown man.

What do you want?

I... I think you guys got a really good thing going on with the baby, and, Raquel, I'm... I'm really sorry.

Raquel, uh...

I don't know, man. I don't... I don't know.

I... I... I'm just...

I'm going to give you some space, man.


I'm really sorry.



What do I do?

What am I supposed to do?

I... This... Uh...

This feels really bad.

I'm... I'm really stressed out.

I just know that that... those feelings... can't be good for a baby.


♪ ♪ [drums]

To those who came before, wherever they may be.

Hear, hear.

Hear, hear.

That's her.

Which one?

She's the one holding court, the one who you think she is.

Who is that girl?

Is that her girlfriend or her daughter?

I don't know.

She's, like, 16.


Hey. Did you go out with Sailor?

Uh, yeah. Why?

I'm her ex.

Right. Yeah, of course.

No, I... Yeah. I recognize you.

God, everybody used to f*ck everybody else, or else they're thinking about it, or it's going to happen pretty soon.

What, now?

That's so true.

Something like that.

I met you at UCLA.

You're Mort Pfefferman's kid.

Maura. But yeah.

Are you going to come study with me, the big bad dyke?

Uh, I... I hope so, yes.

I'm... I'm Ali.

This is my girlfriend Syd.


This is Bella.

Uh, what are you teaching right now, Leslie?

Uh, well, I don't really teach.

I like to talk about things I care about to people who are ready.

Well, I'm ready.

Shelly: Hon?



Oh, good. I was worried.


What's the matter?

What's the matter?

Um, Josh knows everything.

He knows about...

He knows about Rita.

He knows about the money.

Oh, my God.


What did you say?


It just came out.

Are you okay?

[sigh] I feel horrible.

You have nothing to feel horrible about.


Please, we were protecting our boy, our Joshie.

And... And look at him now.

He's with a rabbi, for Christ's sake.

Come on, I'll make you a cup of coffee.

We'll get a little schnapps. Maybe a little schnapps.

Come on.

Hey, hon.


I'm going to go.


You can't go. You just got here.

What do you mean? We have to talk.

You can't go.

This doesn't work, and you know that.

We're broken.

How dare you do this to me?

Twice in my lifetime, I have to put up with you deciding that I'm not good enough.

It's not about that.

It's not about you're not good enough.

You have nowhere to go.

I'll be fine. I'm good.

I'm going to pack.

♪ ♪ [drum beat]

The hunter's moon is the last moon in the light of the year before we cross over.

Then we honor the things that we have hunted, the things that we have killed but have given us life.

That is so violent, but it's ours.

Force and power for each of us.

Mm. Safe trip.

You smell so good.

Oh, thank you. It's shampoo.

Now you have good luck with that new little one.

It's going to be so much light into your life.


So much light.

♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪

Bye, Raquel.

♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ And He ♪

Both: ♪ And He shall lift you up ♪
♪ Higher and higher ♪

[harmony] ♪ And He shall lift you up ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪

One last check. I just, uh, want to make sure this... is the way you want?

♪ And He shall lift you up ♪
♪ Higher and higher ♪

If you want me to stay, just... say so.

♪ ...lift you up ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ And He shall lift you up ♪
♪ Higher and higher ♪
♪ And He shall lift you up ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪

[engine starts]

♪ And He ♪
♪ And He shall lift you up ♪
♪ Higher and higher ♪

[harmony] ♪ And He shall lift you up ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪
♪ And He shall lift you up ♪

[horn honking]

♪ Higher and higher ♪

[harmony] ♪ And He shall lift you up ♪

Hello! Can someone open the front gate, please?

♪ Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord ♪


Could someone please help me and open the front gate, please?

Please help me!


♪ Higher and higher ♪

[harmony] ♪ And He shall lift you up ♪

Can someone open the f*cking front gate?

[honk honk]

So sorry, Mrs. P!


Open it!