01x07 - The Mayakovsky Circumstance

Previously on "The Magicians"...

This school exists for a single and timeless purpose: to reveal your innate abilities and hone them to the highest degree.

[flapping]

Holy sh1t. I'm doing this.

[rippling noise]

Quentin Coldwater.

There you are.

All we can do is... make them Magicians.

That's not enough.

Marina didn't betray my mom.

She cleaned up her mess.

Cut to now Marina has to demand that I steal sh1t ten times a week.

Wait, you know who has a ton of new stuff?

Marina.

[laughing]

Run!

[screaming]

[thrashing]

911, what's your emergency?

You are a traveler.

It's a terrible, life-destroying burden.

[gasping]

I designed it myself.

Works by binding your body to Earth.

You must bare yourself in the presence of another magical adept and expose your utmost truth.

I'm falling in love with you.

I only flirted with you that first day because you looked useful, and you were.

We stole a lot of sh1t. So there it is.

It's all a lie.

[gagging]

Hey!

Alice, I-- ugh!

[geese honking]

[foreboding music]

♪ ♪

[geese honking]

[sighs]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

M.E. thinks it was some kind of very rare brain hemorrhage.

Your friend have a history of that kind of thing?

She wasn't my friend.

Then why are you crying?

I don't know.

Anyway, you're free to go.

Somebody waiting out here to pick you up.

Says she's your sister.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

[wind howling]

That happened, right?

We flew... here to Antarctica?

[wind howling]

I don't want to lose it-- how it felt.

I--it-- the sky, it, uh--

It's like you could feel it inside the air.

Part of it-- all of it, like--

Everything fit... all by itself.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Penny, can we--

Birds.

I never sh1t so much in my life.

But at least I got to eat bugs, so...that.

Now snow. God, I hate snow.

Hey, you were told to report here, right?

By that TA or whatever?

Uh, yeah.

I saw him herd another six or seven kids into the library.

So what is this then?

We're here to study with Mayakovsky.

Who I hear is crazy.

You heard wrong.

[wind howling]

[eerie music]

Sit.

I do not ask and I do not order twice.

♪ ♪

I hate you.

♪ ♪

I hate all of you.

And you know why?

[paper flapping]

It's the Hammer Charm of Legrand.

We know this.

I hate all of you because you don't know anything.

You learn magic like parrot learns Shakespeare: tricks for birdseeds.

You are all clever pets.

You.

Sultry-But-Damaged.

What is the Hammer Charm of Legrand?

It's, um-- it's the--

One day your looks will be gone like that and unless there's a brain behind those batting eyelashes you will be selling oranges at an off-ramp.

It's a spell that makes nails go into boards perfectly straight.

[clatters]

You think you know how to do this, I assure you, you do not.

♪ ♪

Ein saat schlug tief--

[snaps fingers]

♪ ♪

Your voices are your enemies.

A great Magician-- and as you gaze into your mirrors in the coming years, you may recall that I was the last great Magician you ever saw, a great Magician is magic in his bones, blood, heart, and dick.

Or lady parts. Whatever.

♪ ♪

Begin.

[dramatic music]

[footsteps]

Does this say "Ibiza"?

Yes, but this... screams "Ibiza."

[laughing]

Hey, so Ibiza...

Is a place--

That we're going to.

I'm hearing Encanto Octulo this year is gonna be, like, off the chain, but you have to be invited by people who've been...

[sighs]

And you guys have both been.

Twice.

Right.

Margo, you look so beautiful.

[whispering] Uh, I--I can't even--

I got this.

Tell me your name again.

Todd.

Todd.

Here's the thing.

Encanto Oculto is a solid week of sun, drugs, and magical art.

Time stops, reality bends, and you f*ck five times a day.

On a bad day.

[chuckles] It sounds awesome.

It is, Todd.

It is awesome, but honestly, you'd end up in a corner alone.

Bitter. Bumming everyone out.

Like last year at the bacchanal.

Poor-- Wait, what was his name?

Um--

Hmm.

Todd.

Todd.

How weird is that?

Todd, you don't want to end up like the other Todd.

What happened to him?

He just wasn't meant to be there.

He moped and whined and brought everything down.

Okay, we were a little wrecked, and for fun, someone-- someone not us...

No, not us.

Turned Todd into a pig.

And we ate him.

[laughs]

Wait, are you guys messing with me right now?

[eerie music]

Okay.

Well, I'm just gonna...

I'm gonna...

[both laughing]

Oh, my God.

Okay, focus.

Last thing: the regalo.

The re-what-now?

The gift to the elders footing the bill for the debauchery.

Right. What did we get them last year?

An actual, working bag of dicks.

Right. It was lame.

You got anything?

You?

[sighs] I wrote something down.

These TA's were whispering, so I figured it had to be good.

They were talking about--yes.

"How to make magical gin."

Mmm, gin and tonic.

Strong, classic.

No one kicks that out of a party.

Me likey.

Good, but this you hatey.

I only got part of the spell.

We have to dig out the rest in the library.

[groans]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

♪ ♪
♪ ♪

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Why don't you two just f*ck?

♪ ♪

No?

Then try this: work!

I'm fine, okay I'm just-- [sighs]

I got hooked up with some sketchy people, but I'm fine. Okay?

I'll get to this tomorrow.

Blood's not going to come out of that sweater.

You should just throw it out.

Okay, thanks...

For getting me home.

I'll call you.

I'm staying.

What?

To make sure you're okay.

You really don't have to do that, I'm--

The blankets still here?

Yup.

[sighs]

What is this?

It's Arabic.

I flunked Arabic.

I got an A.

Well, partly because I paid for the exam answers in nipple clamps.

Bag Of Dicks is sounding awful good.

Ooh, copy that.

Whoa.

She means "Hi."

Are you guys trying to translate Arabic because I aced it here?

I mean, it was a couple years ago, but--

Yeah, mm-hmm.

Cry for help.

Answered.

Mike.

Eliot.

Margo.

[piano music]

♪ ♪

[wind howling]

[wood cracks]

[panting]

♪ ♪

Yes, yes.

By all means, congratulate yourselves.

You are both such winners.

[clapping]

[boards clattering]

[whooshing]

[wood splintering]

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

[wind howling]

Possibly your first intelligent communiqué.

You should have been rendered mute long ago.

Now you're probably wondering, "What next?"

[groans]

Bujold's Nail Extraction, that's what.

♪ ♪

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

You need help.

"Help."

You can't keep going like this.

You have no idea what you're talking about.

[sighs] Jules.

Please.

This is just like Daddy.

Daddy was a drunk.

He was crazy. I'm not--

James told us he's worried.

James?

Well, let me bring you up to speed.

James doesn't remember me... at all.

He called last month.

Said the reason you dropped out was your recovery.

Well, so much for "anonymous," right?

He cares, Julia. So do I.

It's why I left eight messages.

I mean if I had known that you were--

[somber music]

Mom knows you got arrested.

She has to keep this out of the papers.

She just got elected to the board of the Met and is trying to close on a new co-op.

Of course she is.

She said you're gonna get help, or--

Or what?

You tell her that I'm not Daddy. I'm not crazy.

She's not sticking me someplace to rot where she stuck him.

She's not gonna let go of this.

Well, I'm sorry, what can she do?

You know, I'm an adult.

Who disappeared, confessed to being on drugs, got arrested.

You think she doesn't go to the opera with ten judges who would happily commit you?

She's Mom.

[whispering] f*cking bitch.

Right down to her lizard pumps.

But I'm not.

I love you and I can keep her away and get you help.

[sighs]

Just please let me.

I called a place.

They can take you tomorrow.

A "place"?

You remain because you're best.

***

[snaps fingers] You may now speak.

[wind howling]

You remain silent?

Perhaps you're teachable after all.

Good.

As that which you will now learn, few know and even fewer understand.

Mind control.

And these...

Are your first subjects.

Uh... isn't that kind of unethical?

I mean, even if they're bugs, they're alive.

They have free will.

We've been taught not to try to control living things.

How was your lunch today?

Excellent boeuf bourguignon, no?

And how much free will was exerted by the cow?

Mind control is in everything, everywhere.

We make only one choice: are you the controller or controlled?

[fluttering]

You do not like the moth I see.

Good.

That which you hate-- or fear, will motivate you to enslave it.

Ah.

My favorite.

[wind howling]

You're psychic?

You're also Traveler?

Yeah.

What idiot marked you there? Don't tell me.

A well-meaning educator.

It's saving my life.

It's chaining you to a rock.

You are free.

More free than almost anyone in this universe or any other. Ah.

Where you think you're sticking that?

They told you not to travel, eh?

Too unpredictable, too hard to control--

Yeah, because it is. I got zero control.

I don't--I don't even have a decent sense of direction.

Is like telling eagle to fear heights.

I teach you to soar.

[dramatic music]

Yes?

♪ ♪

[gasping]

So--so, wait.

So, um-- so, so you know Rick?

Oh, my God, Rick is-- is great.

This magic gin better make us see unicorns that fart rainbows.

Guys, we have a lot of work to do here.

Just bang.

Now!

[wind howling]

[whooshes]

Okay, that was weird.

Describe.

Yeah, I was in my hometown in--in Florida.

Weird. Dull. Again.

[whooshes]

[whooshes]

Yes?

Uh, desert.

Earth?

Yeah.

Maybe Afghanistan. There were guys with guns.

Um, I think I saw a drone.

Again.


[whooshes]

[whooshes]

f*cking volcano!

Jesus.

Which you survived. Gold star.

Well, you seem to be the only ones who can't complete the task.

In one case, surprising.

The other...

We try something new.

The rings are wired to zap.

Bug flies into ring.

[electricity crackles]

[both groan]

Ah, Jesus.

Your fate is now tied to the lowest form of sentient life.

I deem that... appropriate.

[sighs]

Let's just get one.

Okay.

Upper left.

Okay.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

[whispering] Okay.

♪ ♪

It's working.

Yeah.

Okay.

♪ ♪

[both chuckle]

Yes! Yes!

[laughing]

Whoa, I am so-- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

Sorry.

It's okay.

[electricity crackling]

Whoa--ow.

[electricity crackling]

Quentin!

I--I-- I don't, um--

I'm--I'm-- I'm sorry, really sorry--

Jesus.

Is that vodka?

You want me to flunk him so you can pass this test with flying colors alone?

No, sir.

I tried.

[upbeat music]

Again.

No.

[groans]

Again.

♪ ♪

[laughing]

Ha, yes! Yeah!

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

Where's the joy?

The fun?

Why are you both determined to be so f*cking bland?

Wait, are you flunking us?

Sadly, I cannot.

Rest. Eat.

Meet me in the entry at 5:00.

I almost, uh--

I almost died today and I--I realized I didn't want to die without knowing, so-- if you-- if you feel like telling me, I'm here.

I don't have to tell you anything.

I just have to drop my wards... let you in.

You can see everything.

Come on in.

[inhales, exhales deeply]

[rumbling]

[exhales]

Your mom...

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

Jesus, she...

♪ ♪

And she's the only person you love in the world.

Not anymore.

♪ ♪

[thudding]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[thumping]

Oh, my God.

Oh!

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

I'm thinking.

You're too pretty.

[laughing]

♪ ♪

Okay, listen, listen.

What?

What if this--Marina?

Okay, what if she got this-- what if she got some serious sh1t?

I mean, like, really dope, one-of-a-kind magic.

Maybe it'd buy you out. For good.

It'd have to be pretty amazing.

It is. I've seen it.

[dramatic music]

Where?

Mayakovsky's office.

♪ ♪

[laughs]

I'd just like to point out that for the record, you guys basically did nothing except each other.

Todd was more helpful than you.

Don't. I'm just using you for effect.

You're right, Margo. I'm sorry.

Listen, I really hope we get a chance to get to know each other.

We'll give it a whirl after Ibiza... maybe.

Enough, ladies.

Shall we magic some gin?

Please.

[clatters]

[rumbling]

[smoke puffing]

[air hissing]

[sighs] Well, that was underwhelming.

[rumbling]

Oh, yeah, smart guy?

Todd-- ice, olives, stat!

[electricity popping]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Oh, no.

Oh, sh1t.

Not gin-- G-I-N.

This summons a djinn- D-J-I-N-N.

A genie?

Cool.

Shut up, Todd.

[speaks Arabic]

Wait, this could be great.

I mean, if he grants wishes for real, and we bring him to Ibiza, I mean-- that's a f*ckin' regalo!

[laughs]

Okay, this genie totally gets me.

[speaking Arabic]

[suspenseful music]

[yelling]

Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

[electricity crackles]

The f*ck?

Remove your clothes.

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

Oh, come on.

You think this is the worst it can be for you?

[laughs]

Do it.

♪ ♪

[both panting]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Being out there without fur...

It's brutal.

♪ ♪

With fur--

It's nice.

♪ ♪

[wind howling]

Uh... this isn't gonna be weird, is it?

It doesn't have to be.

♪ ♪

How am I supposed to know? This was your idea.

The genie looked at you. He was talking to you.

I don't even know what he said.

It was Arabic.

He said, "Yes, Mistress, I understand," and then something I didn't get, and then, "I will do exactly that to him."

To him. To Mike.

What did you tell him to do?

You were right there.

I didn't say a word.

You didn't have to.

You uncorked him.

He could read your thoughts.

That is f*cking rude.

God damn it, Margo.

Okay, just... okay, nothing bad.

I just wanted Mike to go back to where he came from.

What does that even mean?

It would be the place where you first saw him...maybe?

Let's go.

Oh, okay.

♪ ♪

You wished my boyfriend away.

Boyfriend? He's a random cock.

You are unbelievable sometimes.

Other people aren't supposed to get between us.

He didn't get between us.

I want him with us-- maybe.

But--

What's so special about him?

Really?

What makes him more interesting than the last 10?

Uh, guys?

Mike?

Jesus.

Get up.

[sighs]

What the actual f-- ugh!

He'll only listen to you.

Stop.

[gasps]

Whoa.

Put him back, Margo.

You don't have to say anything.

Just...

Fine. sh1t.

[electricity buzzing]

Ugh.

Huh?

Oh, God. Shh.

[groans]

Okay, baby, come here.

I don't get this part.

My full wish: that Mike would go back to where he came from and suck on some other knob.

So literal.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

Swag.

Good enough to trade you out of Marina's hold?

Small enough for bird flight.

I'll go mix some paste for the spell.

A few minutes, we're flying again.

Go.

[sighs]

[laughs]

♪ ♪

[wind howling]

Your mental wards are quite strong, Sultry-But-Damaged.

I couldn't read anything until you dropped them for Penny.

Then I saw it all.

You have suffered much for your mother.

And I'm afraid it's not over.

Your mother is dead.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

A spell of some kind gone wrong.

I only learned yesterday through the school and only just now realized who she was...to you.

How it all fit together.

♪ ♪

You are now free of Marina.

♪ ♪

But also... they know everything at Brakebills.

Who you are, what you've done.

You cannot go back.

I was forced.

Brakebills is not a forgiving place.

You deserve better than their punishment, which would be... extreme.

You're planning to fly tonight with Penny.

You need to think about his future as well.

His gifts are a curse.

Without training and practice, they could kill him.

What am I supposed to do?

What we all do each moment.

Decide.

♪ ♪

[sighs]

[melancholy music]

♪ ♪

No.

[wind howling]

Eliot, come on.

We're gonna miss the opening orgy.

You're not even dressed.

[sighs]

[somber music]

I'm not going.

f*ck.

You're still mad?

No.

I mean yes, but that's not why.

I--Mike--Ibiza's not really his thing, so...

It's ours.

And will be again, along with the million other things that are just us.

I only have one Bambi.

You're gonna miss me so hard, you won't be able to get it up.

That's probably true.

[slap]

Have fun.

Todd?

Todd.

It's your lucky decade.

Pack a swimsuit.

Seriously?

Ground rules: you need to fit in, so don't talk.

Um...

See that she hydrates, wears sunblock, and waxes.

Mama's down south can get jungly.

[upbeat music]

And you're in charge of the genie.

♪ ♪

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

[fluttering]

Hey.

Come back to bed.

Be right there...

[wind howling]

Hey, where's Kady?

Who gives a sh1t?

Alice, Quentin.

I got you both to drop your fears and inhibitions.

For that you should be eternally grateful, but I give you more.

I give you your life's purpose.

Go and live to prove me wrong.

Love each other, be honest and kind, faithful and happy, and then, come back here in 50 years with your perfect family and gloat over my frozen corpse.

You're welcome.

Quentin... why?

Why the fox?

Why not mollusk or firefly? Why?

The fox knows and I knew... everything I needed to survive was me and it's not just to survive, but to be happy.

I was... happy.

The fox is in you now-- both of you.

Feed it.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

You really are a great teacher.

♪ ♪

I know.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]