01x07 - The Punch

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Billions". Aired: January 17, 2016 –; present.*
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"Billions" is about a battle between two powerful New York figures where the stakes run into ten figures.
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01x07 - The Punch

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on "Billions"...

Bobby: Donnie Caan.


We're gonna triple up his stack.

Get started with 200,000 shares of Rubinex.

Dean, seventh President. Hint? Two after Monroe.

Jackson. Andrew Jackson.

Gordie, where was he from?

Border areas near the Carolinas.

All I have to do is drop the hammer, and you will look like absolute sh*t.

I need you to find Martina Slovis.

Dropped out of Brooklyn Law. Only for me.

Raul Gomez. New York City Police Pension Fund.

I wanna thank you for meeting with me in person.

I knew that if I gave you my money, you would do whatever you had to and wouldn't care what it looked like.

Bobby: This company came under att*ck.

We're gonna put him in a cell.

We will mobilize the w*r machine!

f*ck, yeah!

[cheering]

I have never seen him like this.

You think I'm overreacting?

Tell me more about what he's doing.

He's looking for a win.

Orrin: The defendant agrees to an aggregate financial penalty of 1.9 billion dollars.

Didn't he say that he would never settle?

Bryan: That's what he's been saying.

How did it happen?

Wags: We can make that $1.9 back in, what, eight months?

Six.

You'll never trade securities again, not even for yourself.

[check rips, rustles]

I can't live in the middle.

You won't.

I've decided, for the good of our marriage, I've recused myself.

You can count on me to finish what you started.

I'm all in.

I'm still gonna need you to keep me informed.

Then you're not really recused.

I am. Officially.

[The Replacements' "The Ledge" playing]

♪ All eyes look up to me ♪
♪ High above the filthy streets ♪


boy: Hey, wait up. Dad's over there.

Again? You guys are bleeding me dry.

Axelrods, you learned good from your dad.

Always let someone else float you, no matter how rich you are.

Thank you, Mr. Layner.

Thanks, Dad.

Another, honey.

[indistinct conversations]

[bell ringing]

♪ For the first time in my life, I'm sure ♪
♪ I'm the boy ♪
♪ For the last time in my life ♪
♪ All the love... ♪


You guys could've bought that crap for a nickel.

♪ For the last time will not reach... ♪

Guess it doesn't matter to you guys. Let's go.

[children shout playfully]

Lilly: There?

♪ ♪ ♪

[glass thuds]

Hey, Bruce! Boys!

[cup thuds, liquid splashes]

girl: Mommy, my soda!

sh*t.

♪ ♪ ♪

Okay, big guys.

[engine starts]

[tires screech, engine revs]

♪ ♪ ♪
♪ I'm the boy they couldn't ignore ♪
♪ For the first time in my life, I'm sure ♪
♪ I'm the... ♪


[ music stops ]

[breathing heavily]

Gordie: Hi, Mom.

Hi.

Dean: Hi, Mom.

Hi.

[engine revs, tires screech]

Bruce: Later.

[engine revving]

[tires screech in distance]

Lara: So, how was it?

Dean: Great.

Gordie: Awesome.

[cellphone vibrates]

[touchscreen clicks]

Hey.

Are the kids home okay?

Yeah. Why?

I saw them with Bruce Layner, and it seemed like he was drinking.

He was drinking.

But I couldn't get to them in time.

[whooshing sound]


Thank you, Lilly. No, I definitely needed that info.

And I appreciate that you called.

[touchscreen clicks]

Hey, guys, before you get in, I need to ask you something.

Was Mr. Layner acting weird?

A little.

He kept saying things about money.

He tried to make us feel bad.

And what else?

Did he, like...

Was he drinking in the car?

Answer your mother.

He had a beer can in the car.

I could smell it from the backseat.

Why didn't you say something? Why did you let him drive you?

He's an adult.

Are you sure he was drinking alcohol while he was driving you?

Lilly said it was more than one.

Yeah, Dad. He was.

Bobby!

[Guadalcanal Diary's "Say Please" playing]

[engine revs, gravel sprays]

♪ You're a young cowpoke in the Lord's corral ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ And there ain't nothing to stop you now ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ But you rolled around like a squeaky wheel ♪

Bruce: Margy time!


[blender whirring]

[singsongy] Who wants a Margy?

♪ ♪ ♪

Hey, hey, Axe!

You drove my kids drunk?

Whoa, man. I had a beer or two.

Three tops. Hardly even buzzed.

I got your precious, f*cking babies home.

What? I will k*ll you, you m*therf*cker!

Uhh!

woman: Oh!

♪ But you gave me gasoline ♪

Get up!

♪ Say please ♪

That's gonna f*cking cost you.

Worth it.

♪ Say please ♪

woman: Someone call the police.

♪ ♪ ♪
♪ Say please ♪


[music fades]

Would you like a water or a coffee, Mr. Spyros?

I would love a cortado.

Uh...

[door closes]

We don't have a machine.

Well, maybe someone can run out.

[inhales]

It's just me on a Sunday.

No, no. On me.

[clears throat]

Um... will they know what that is?

Cortado.

It's like a macchiato, but with more foam.

Microfoam. Silkier.

Thanks, doll.

[clears throat]

[door opens]

Just so you know, I don't go for the price of an espresso... [door closes] or even a few espressi or for any price.

You blew up the settlement conference.

You recused yourself.

So we have to come to a new understanding about my role.

And it's gotta be a bigger one.

A lead role.

My stink is gonna be all over this now.

As you point out, uh, I, myself, am recused from the case.

On the outside.

So how could I possibly be bound by...

Oh, come on.

We both know your recusal is for show.

Don't make me dig out the old CB radio and call in a convoy of reporters and investigators to examine it.

Oh, maybe we interview your wife or...

Okay.

You win. Again.

Uh, we did make a deal.

And even though I was under duress at the time, I will stick to it.

So you'll come in one afternoon this week when we're open for business.

I will make sure that Connerty has his entire team assembled, and they will run you through all of it.

Work hand in hand with you and the SEC.

No. Not hand in hand.

I'm gonna run point on this, and I need to hear you say that you're comfortable with that.

I wanna be the f*cking commandant.

♪ tense music ♪

[scoffs]

I'll pass word to my people.

[sniffs]

Uh, what about your cortado?

You drink it.

[door opens]

[door closes]

Yeah, Dale?

I'm gonna need Martina Slovis's contact info now.

♪ tense music ♪

[vehicles pass in distance]

[indistinct conversations]

I'm here for the Stewart bachelor party.

Uh, right back there.

[indistinct conversations continue]

♪ ♪ ♪

[dishes clinking, machine hissing]

Do all guys in my position hate themselves for doing this?

Terri: No reason you should.

You're doing the right thing now.

Dale: Not that they should. It's just human nature.

Look, Axelrod, you know, sweeps his phones, hires security to defend himself.

So believe me, on some level, this is what he expects, what he knows he deserves.

[taps table]

Not from me.

Dale: So feel a little bad then, but don't change what you're doing, like me with double cheeseburgers.

No, but, Dale, you need to stop. He needs to keep going.

We need him to do a deal with you directly.

And when he does, we need you to confirm the source of the information, that it's insider.

Well, that's gonna be hard to get him to do.

That's why you're getting such a cherry f*cking deal for making it happen. Huh?

Terri: Okay, let's get him wired up.

[wind blowing]

[dog barking in distance]

Donnie: Sorry to bother, but I wanted to check in on the Kemlot trade.

And you canceled the Sunday night call, so...

It turned into a bit of a weekend.

Okay. Uh, I want to know if you think I should be ready to pull the trigger at the open tomorrow.

Wait.

But you said...

I'm not certain.

[crickets chirping in distance]

Okay, then. Thanks.

Uh, is everything all right?

Yeah. Yeah, like I said, it was a bit of a weekend.

Why don't you come in for a drink?

[laughs]

It... [laughs]

It's more than understandable.

Given the circumstance, it was inevitable.

The son of a bitch deserved it.

But I earned my living by staving off the inevitable.

Let the other dogs drool when the bell rings.

I wait for the actual food to turn up.

That way I get fed while the rest howl in the wind.

We don't get to choose how and when we react.

That's what the experiment proves.

You've actually read Pavlov's study, haven't you?

Yeah. I was a psych/philosophy major.

Minor in economic theory, which, at Yale, is like another philosophy class.

Broadness of thinking.

That's the sh*t that sets you apart, Donnie.

It's this sh*t that used to distract me while the other guys were racking up cartel-sized bonuses.

No more.

Look, no matter how civilized we get, at base, we are animals.

Oh, yeah. I know. I know.

I just wish I had... I... [sniffs]

You, Donnie, you'd have shown restraint.

For the sake of your kids.

Me? My kids are gonna grow up thinking that's the way you're supposed to act.

They didn't see it!

They'll hear about it.

They'll be embarrassed.

Or worse, proud.

Bullshit.

They should damn well be proud.

Their father stood tall for them.

It did feel pretty good. [chuckles]

If I could be that for my kids...

You are... and you will continue to be.

♪ pensive music ♪

[indistinct conversations, telephone ringing]

Bryan, muffled voice: All right, okay.

So let's go over what we've got so far.

The CI is close to Axelrod.

He has been leveraged and he's highly motivated to save his own ass.

Get Connerty in here this afternoon.

Tell him to bring the team working the Construction Bid Rigging RICO cases.

I need an update.

Orrin: If word of this gets out, and it will, it's a major key problem.

Your business faces an existential thr*at if it's handled the wrong way.

The professional damage, if you are convicted of even simple misdemeanor as*ault...

The prick drove our kids drunk.

He's the one who should be prosecuted.

He can't really press charges 'cause Bobby popped him.

He will. He has to.

It'll make his civil case that much stronger.

So we gotta control the narrative.

I'm already getting texts from gossip writers who've heard rumors.

It's only a matter of time before Layner's team p...

And no doubt, he has a team in place by now.

Before they pick where they wanna dump the story for maximum impact.

So we get our version out first.

You need your friend Lilly to speak up.

Say that she saw Layner drinking, tried to stop him from taking the kids in the car.

She won't.

Lara: She will.

I'll get to her today.

I asked Chief Mueller to join us so can break down how things will go at his former command...

Southampton PD.

Mr. Axelrod, I received some Intel just as I was arriving here today.

The police out East may have come into possession of a video of the incident taking on someone's phone, which purports to show you striking Mr. Layner.

That should cut our way.

I'm not so sure.

How bad is it?

Well, I haven't seen it yet, but I've been told it's damning enough that they're planning on arresting you as early as tomorrow.

But when Mr. Bach reached out to me, I reached out.

And fortunately, even though I left the department seven years ago, that I'm still remembered fondly back there.

That's good for all of us.

It would be a big help if you could get confirmation of Layner's drinking.

With that, the air goes out of the balloon on prosecuting you.

Without it, you'll likely be indicted and tried.

I'm arranging a back door arrival at the station house for the two of us and Mr. Bach.

Chase: Well, most people would k*ll to have your career.

Depending on what you want, I can get on the phone and bring you a dozen offers by 5 p.m.

Can we... [inhales deeply]

Let's slow this down. I need to be discreet.

Understood.

This is just a reconnaissance mission.

I'm not committing here.

Right. You're not sure what you want, which is a new feeling for someone like you.

That won't work on me. I know all the tricks.

I'm sure you do.

Plus, you're brilliant.

Billie always told me that you were the smartest of all of her friends.

She said nice things about you, too, Chase.

[laughs] I'm not sure I want the specifics behind that look.

Good. That's all you're getting.

[laughs]

All right, well, then let's talk about you.

What can I do for you to help you figure this out?

No hedge funds.

Nothing in finance.

I can't work for a competitor. That would feel wrong.

Well, that limits us.

What's more important to you, the comp or the work itself?

Do I have to choose? I have both now.

It's rare. Both is hard.

How hard?

If you want to leave the hedgie world, nearly impossible.

I don't know if I want to.

It's what's best for my family.

Well, corporate HR jobs with huge comp won't be hands-on with clients.

And the rewarding work, like the stuff you're doing now, digging deep with folks who need to change quickly, that really only happens in the nonprofit sector.

You'll be living on love instead of money.

So you've got nothing for me.

Nothing without a compromise.

I wanna sh**t straight with you from the beginning, which is not usually how I work.

Did you just say that out loud?

[chuckles]

For some reason, I don't wanna bullshit you into giving me a retainer.

I wonder why that is.

You all have 'em.

So-called friends at other funds who tell you that we're dinosaurs, oblivious to our own extinction.

Are you gonna tell us they're not our real friends, Mom?

[laughter]

I'm gonna tell you that they're assholes... and wrong.

Donnie: While it's true we have less outside money, the trade-off is freedom.

woman and man: Yes.

This is our time.

Those of you in this room will be telling the story years from now about how we got up off the canvas and knocked the rest of 'em out.

women: Yeah!

[applause]

Donnie: In fact, we won't even have to tell them, because they will all be in here begging for jobs.

all: Yeah!

Mafee: To that end, you know...

man: You know it.

...knocking folks out, a couple of us got you something, Axe.

I mean, you earned it.

We just picked it up.

[laughs]

[applause]

man: Whoo!

woman: All right.

Mafee: There it is.

[cheers and applause]

We heard you knocked that fucker on his ass.

[cheers and applause continue]

♪ pensive music ♪

[cheers and applause continue]

[woman laughs]

[applause stops]

♪ ♪ ♪

[trophy thuds]

♪ ♪ ♪

[telephone rings in distance]

Hey.

[indistinct conversations]

[purse thuds]

[lock turns]

Well, you're certainly winning friends and influencing people these days.

Oh, what do you want me to say?

I shouldn't have thrown that punch.

You've done a lot of rash things you shouldn't have done lately.

Oh. Oh, you're talking about that little sit-down with your husband?

I am.

[touchscreen clicking]

You know, there's a psychological profile for people who self-sabotage, and... you're starting to fit it.

[exhales]

The term, when it comes to that settlement meeting, is self-defense, not self-sabotage.

I might've been wrong at the barbecue, but sometimes I gotta hit back.

The way I heard it...

Don't worry about it.

You just did what you thought was right, and I appreciate that.

But just think about who had what to lose.

I know that I went into that room ready to make a deal.

♪ tense music ♪

[footsteps depart]

Lara: It just bugs me, you know?

That Bobby clocked the guy?

No, that the kids didn't pick up that Layner was drunk, that they didn't call me.

They had a phone?

Yeah. They always do.

They call me to tell me that their Instagram isn't loading.

They're just not street smart.

How are they gonna be street smart?

They've never been in the streets.

Yeah. Exactly.

If our situation ever changed, how would the boys deal with it?

[huffs]

woman: The last piece is, the contractor from the New Jersey firm kept records on three different devices.

They're all in our possession.

Trial is in six weeks.

Great work. Thank you, guys.

Take it easy this weekend, T., yeah?

Yeah, I'll try.

Take your kid to the batting cages.

Mm.

Uh, Bryan, hang in for a second.

Let's go over some of the details.

[sniffs]

Right.

[clears throat]

[doors close]

You have an informant in Axe Capital.

Boss, we should stick to the rules of recusal, the old Chinese Wall, shouldn't we?

Okay.

[clears throat]

So we've been profiling all the players and scanning the activity at Axe Cap, and we see this Donnie Caan.

Bryan: Usually a mid-level guy, but suddenly, he loads up on Rubinex, a biochem company.

Loads
way up. I mean, way above his usual range.

Chuck: Mm-hmm.

The company, miraculously, gets an FDA seal of approval on a product.

Even more miraculously...


[laughs]

Caan is already there, and he sells at a monster profit.

[cheering]

So I put the agents on, and then they start bloodhounding him.

He couldn't provide the research on the trade.


He had no sign-offs from compliance.

He didn't have d*ck.

And our tech guys were able to pull meta-data that established he'd been in contact with insiders.

[man speaks indistinctly]

We had him boxed up.

He broke like a Mexican condom.

[chuckles]

[laughs]

He agreed to cooperate right away.

Lilly: I wanna help you, Lara.


And Bobby.

Oh. Great.

And I would if I were sure, you know?

Sure? You're the one who told me.

I did.

And I feel bad that I started a whole thing, but...

Keith told me that we can't have any press right now, that it would f*ck his business badly to be near any of this.

His business?

He's my husband.

Not much else I can say.

I have to go.

Maid's leaving at 3:00 today.

Some bullshit about taking her kids to the doctor.

Mm.

Bye.

[heels clacking]

♪ tense music ♪

Bruce: I got your precious, f*cking babies home.

Bobby: What? I will k*ll you, your m*therf*cker.

Uhh!

woman: Oh!

[guests murmuring]

Get up!

Bruce: That's gonna f*cking cost you.

Worth it.

woman: Someone call the police.


The beginning... is there any more?

That's all.

Wags: Mm. This is not good.

[sighs deeply]

We need to get more of the original video, if it exists.

It'll tell a totally different story about what happened.

Who had this?

It's from Mike Dimonda.

Says it landed in his in-box this morning.

An exclusive.

Well, he's doing us a solid.

Not so solid.

He knows that charges are being filed.

He's requesting comment, wants to run something right away.

Who filmed that?

[sighs] Dimonda won't say.

♪ tense music ♪

Okay.

Bobby: There were 11 people in the backyard.

There were two on the other side of the pool.

They didn't have a good view.

The video was from my left side.

There were only... six people on my left.


One of them was Layner's wife.

She was holding a platter. She didn't have an iPhone.

Layner's kids were there...

♪ ♪ ♪

...and his son from his first marriage.


It wasn't him either.

He was still wet and had his bathing suit on.

♪ ♪ ♪

[Bobby snaps fingers]

That kid's girlfriend.


There was another girl standing next to her, about the same age... 17.

Neither of them had been in the pool.


Each of them had a phone out.

Holy sh*t! [laughs]

I f*cking love when you do that.

Your love is touching, but what I need right now is to find that original video.

Find it, pay what we need, get it.

♪ ♪ ♪

[door opens]

[door closes]

I have to go to the Hamptons.

♪ ♪ ♪

[inhales deeply, exhales slowly]

[door clicks]

[sighs]

[door creaks]

Ah. Tommy.

How you doing, Chief?

I tell you, I've been better. [chuckles]

Summers out here enough to make you long for martial law.

[laughter]

You remember what it's like.

Ah, sorry to hear it.

Ah, don't be.

It'd be better if, in addition to the college kids and regular dirtbags, I didn't have my billionaires punching out my multimillionaires.

It's bad for business.

Well, that's why we're here, to make your life easier.

We wanna quash this thing. No need for news stories.

No need for undue chatter.

Sure. Of course.

I lift the rug, and you guys sweep?

Or were you thinking vice versa, and I make with the broom?

Come on, Tommy, we both know this is probably gonna end up in a payment situation.

Why don't we work together and get there sooner?

Uh-huh. Not so easy.

I've seen the video.

When it goes public, there's gonna be a lot of pressure.

So we'll take a statement of Mr. Axelrod's version of events.

If Mr. Layner refuses to relent, if he insists on pressing charges, if the DA doesn't like what he hears and chooses to proceed, well, courtesy or not, Chief, it'll be out of my hands.

[front door closes]

Hey, sweetheart.

Hey, baby.

What's the latest?

[briefcase thuds]

Oh, you know.

Kevin had a friend over from school.

Told Eva she could hang, too, and then pretty much ignored her.

How'd that play out?

She cried, and then he was nicer.

Oh. So a normal weekday afternoon negotiation, huh?

Speaking of...

Mm-hmm?

Mmm.

How did the, uh, breakdown of the settlement play out?

'Cause the way you described it didn't sound...

Yeah. Well...

Well, I'll tell you, uh...

Things were all pre-negotiated, laid out.

But, you know, these conferences are... unpredictable. Tensions are high.

Certain realities set in. [inhales deeply]

And, uh, big game fish often has one final thrash in him as he gets close to the boat.

[chuckles]

[utensil stirring]

Anyway, as I said, then...

[mouth full] he tore up the check.

[bowl thuds]

[bottles clink]

We have the Gilberts tomorrow night.

[refrigerator door closes]

They could only get a table at 7:30, so... make sure you can get there in time.

No chance of a reschedule?

This is the reschedule...

[bottle thuds]

of a reschedule.

[sighs]

What?

I don't know. It's just I'm...

I'm just a little bit creeped out by how close those two are.

They're married. Shouldn't they be close?

[sighs heavily] Not that close.

[liquid pours]

Oh, thank you.

Mmm. That's great, Ryan.

My breakfast kind of sucks.

What did you just say?

I'm sick of cheese omelettes.

The cheese is kind of sticky.

No sweat, big guy. What can I make you?

Nothing. The omelettes are great, and both of you are finishing them.

But these are lame, and we have them, like, almost every day.

And dad never makes us finish our plates.

First, apologize to Chef Ryan.

Gordie and Dean: Sorry.

And now let's go.

Where?

Get in the car. Now.
[waves crashing, seabirds calling]

Gordie: Why is the water brown?

It just is. Now get in.

[seabirds continue calling]

It's cold!

I wanna leave.

Stop whining, or I'll throw you in.

[waves crashing]

What are we doing?

You're clamming.

When I was a kid, me and Aunt Lu and all your uncles, we had to come out here with Grandma and collect 50 clams for Sunday dinner or we didn't eat.

And that taught us something about work, about earning our own living.

What do we do?

You feel with your feet on the bottom for littlenecks.

Like this.

You shimmy.

So how many do you want us to get?

Well, you eat what you catch, so you get as many as you can before the tide goes out.

When's that?

About four hours from now.

[waves continue crashing]

Raul: You know I didn't drive all the way up here to Westport to give out "attaboys."

Had to bring the kick-ass. With love.

Rumblings got to me.

I hate m*therf*cking rumblings because truth is always underneath 'em.

You hit some guy and knocked him out.

Down. Not out.

A fine distinction.

Thanks, Wags.

I hung in after Dollar Bill got arrested, because if anyone knows you can't let one miscreant tattoo a whole place, it's an ex-cop.

But if people think you're feeling the pressure, acting out, hitting folks, for f*ck's sake, they will run for the exits.

Banks'll even look at you as a shaky investment.

Credit'll start drying up.

I won't let that happen.

The time to not let that happen was before you threw the punch.

Last thing I want to do is pull my money, but I will.

If you take a conviction, even for a misdemeanor, we are gone.

Settle your trouble.

Get a non-disclosure form signed.

I know. Thanks for coming in person.

[sliding door opens, closes]

Dimonda said he vetted the story and it's ready to run, with or without comment.

Get me a meeting with him before he posts it.

[telephones ring in distance]

Ari Spyros, live and in person.

Any special beverage requests?

No, not today, Chuck.

I'm just looking forward to seeing the team.

Oh, you'll see, all right.

I think you're gonna find this pretty interesting.

Right in there.

Martina Slovis.

♪ dramatic music ♪

I warned you, if you f*cked with me... holy hell.

♪ ♪ ♪

Did you ever wonder why we weren't pals anymore, Spyros?

I mean, we were in study groups together at law school.

Lawyers league softball team.

I thought it was just an inter-agency rivalry.

Mm. Think back.

It's before you were at SEC and I was here.

Summer of 2005, the Willigut Farley mixer at Moran's.

I saw her at the bar, Martina Slovis.

She was a summer associate in corporate work.

I pointed you out, said that I'd come in with you, and she went white.

Absolutely white.

And she just said the words, "Ari Spyros r*ped me."

♪ ♪ ♪

[scoffs]

And you... you believed her?

We've been friends for six years.

I wasn't totally convinced, until I found you at the table later.

And I said, "Guess who I just ran into at the bar? Martina Slovis."

You remember what you said?

♪ ♪ ♪

"I f*cked that little piece. What'd she say?"

That's when I knew.

[inhales sharply] You can't...

Okay, don't. That's enough.

Sick.

[liquor sloshes]

[sighs]

[cabinet door creaks open]

It would be he said, she said.

The statutes have run.

We both know what it was.

You destroyed a good part of that woman's life.

And she will work with me to destroy all of yours if you don't fall the f*ck back into line!

♪ ♪ ♪

From here on in, I tell you your position in this, if you have one at all.

♪ ♪ ♪

[Chuck] So?


Um...

Well, she said she was surprised to get the call considering she just went back and got her degree a few years ago.

Hasn't really practiced.

She's living near Philly with young kids, said she wasn't thinking about going back to work.

If you don't mind me saying so, there's lots of lawyers out there with much stronger litigation experience.

But I have notes on the interview.

No. Of course. It was just an idea.

[inhales sharply] Uh, pay for her ticket back and put her on the reference list at the Philly office.

Mm-hmm.

I look forward to reading your notes. Thank you.

Okay.

Nick Apollo Forte: ♪ Na Na Na Na num ♪

♪ Tasty smelling peppers with the linguin' on the side ♪
♪ I know it gets confusing, you just cannot decide ♪
♪ But if you cross your goombah ♪
♪ There's not a place to hide ♪
♪ So think about la Panza with that little man inside ♪

[drum beats]

Agita
♪ My goombah in the panzon
♪ When I eat, he gets his treat like a canzon
♪ He enjoys every meal, every bite that I steal ♪
Agita, my cumpa  in the panzon
Agita, my cumpa  in the panzon

[music stops]

Agita

Let's hear it for Nick, ladies and gentlemen!

[applause]

Yeah. And Sal...

He still... he still makes me pay.

[laughter]

I heard you ate everything on your plate at the last joint, but you've been shy about going back.

I need to be careful whose tab I'm seen dining on.

And I'm not that comfortable among the, uh, one percenters.

Well, a place like this, a lot of these guys, they don't show any income at all.

Yeah, but you didn't bring me here to eat and gossip about wiseguys.

You want to address the story and the video.

And you're leading the pack with it.

Very impressive reporting.

Yeah. I landed it.

And I'm running it.

I'm not gonna spike it, despite how good the veal chops are here.

No, of course not.

But that's not what we're talking about.

We're talking about a short hold.

A day.

So you still got a sh*t of being in the lead, and you flying to Aspen to meet with a certain network chairman about a show of your own.

Charlie Rose has got to move on at some point, right?

[scoffs] I can't accept a trip from you.

Won't be with me or my plane.

Someone will see me.

No.

You'll land on a private strip on private land.

Then I can't see myself running the piece tonight.

[sighs]

[The dB's "Love Is For Lovers" playing]

Park: Mmm. Yummy.


This is yummy.

[laughs]

For years, I couldn't eat tripe.

I thought I could still smell the sh*t in it.

Then I hypnotized him out of it.

Mm.

Mmm.

You going for hypnotism now, Nancy?

Oh.

Huh?

It only works on him.

Ah.

I stare into his eyes, he locks in on me... and we will the change.

Work it does.

Can't even smell my own sh*t anymore.

[laughter]

I think from a, uh, biological standpoint, there's a reason we smell our sh*t, hmm?

I think it's sweet, Chuck. I wish I could hypnotize you.

How do you think you got me here tonight?

[utensils clink]

♪ ♪ ♪

[laughter]

[utensils clinking]

So how's work?

Mm.

It's great.

You know, when we started this little business, we thought it was gonna be the two of us selling our boutique robes practically door-to-door.

And now we've got 40 employees, and half the luxury hotels in America have our bathrobes on the bathroom door.

Park: Mm-hmm.

It is an amazing success story.

[Nancy laughs]

And to think, you two are doing it together all day.

Mm.

Yeah.

I never understood that part.

Hmm?

How a husband and wife can be like, uh, Siamese twins.

Conjoined, Chuck.

Sure.

Uh, no, I just... I'm just saying that I...

I don't get how you do the 24-hours-a-day thing.

Chuck: All day, every day.

Don't you ever just want to, uh...

Wanna what?

Nancy: No.

Yeah?

17 years later, we can't imagine it any other way.

We weren't always like this.

For the first few years in our marriage, we each had our own lives.

Chuck: Mm-hmm.

Siloed.

But we made a conscious decision to live as one.

We started the business, commute together every day.

Yeah.

Shared passwords with each other.

[laughs]

You know, we recently crossed the final frontier.

We have the same password.

[whispers] Yeah.

That's, um... that's not very secure.

♪ ♪ ♪

I mean, we know each other's passwords, too. Don't we?

Yeah. Was yours still the same from two years ago...

Yeah. when I reset your hard drive?

Mm-hmm.

Ah.

You?

Uh, well, you know, we have to reset every nine months.

♪ ♪ ♪

I didn't not tell you. It just didn't occur.

Mm.

I would, of course, so I will.

I will.

[clears throat]

We're close, but not conjoined.

We divide responsibilities at work.

Hmm? How?

Well...

I handle the hugs. She takes care of the kisses.

[laughs]

♪ rock music ♪

[Wendy laughs]

Chuck: Jesus Christ,
did they really say that?

I... You know, maybe that's what a normal relationship looks like.

[laughs]

You went to med school and practiced analysis.

Have you ever seen anything like that?

Come on. Nobody can be that in love...

[hangers clatter]

...after 17 years.

There's no way you make googly eyes at each other all day, and then get home and still want to f*ck.

[slaps]

[grunts]

♪ dramatic music ♪

[exhales sharply]

♪ ♪ ♪

[inhales sharply]

[thud]

[Chuck huffs]

♪ ♪ ♪

[breathing heavily]

We have to toughen up the kids.

They'll get tough when they need to.

[pillow thuds]

Yeah? How?

Everything's served up for them on a platter.

The way we grew up, we had to learn how to take care of ourselves.

Yeah, sure. We learned to scratch and claw for ours.

Not all upside, though.

No?

No.

Remember when we first got together?

I was still an animal. I was too hard.

Not the sensitive flower you are today?

Exactly. I had to work to soften up.

[glass clinks]

You worked me over.

And being thorny still gets me in trouble.

Yeah, well, I'd be willing for them to go in that direction.

You always said that the desperation is what gave you an edge over the rich kids.

They are the rich kids.

Where are they gonna get their grit?

All right.

We'll put 'em on a fishing trawler for the summer, stick them in the Foreign Legion.

They'll be men when we pick 'em up.

This is serious.

I hear you.

Whatever you come up with, you know I'll support.

Yeah. Hmm?

[inhales deeply]

[exhales]

♪ anxious music ♪

[handcuffs clink]

[exhales deeply]

♪ ♪ ♪

Mm.

♪ ♪ ♪

[groans]

[cellphone vibrates]

[indistinct conversations, telephone rings]

May I?

Yeah.

You know...

[door closes]

I'm actually glad you have this Axe thing now.

I can devote myself to the hundred other cases I'm building.

I want you to know that.

I'm glad to hear you say that, boss.

Yeah.

I just wish I were sure about this informant you have.

[inhales deeply]

Uh-huh.

I mean, he sounds all right, the way you describe it, so that's good.

But then, you don't have anything concrete yet.

Early days.

Mm-hmm.

You know, one thing I used to do to informants when I had your job, every few weeks, I'd rough 'em up a little bit.

Really made sure they knew the spot I had 'em in.

Little motivational session.

Yes.

I have to meet with him soon, anyway, to give him the script to get Axe to really incriminate himself.

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

You know, Axe knows people everywhere, so make sure you use a secure location.

There's a place I've used.

Very secure.

No chance that Axe is hooked in there.

I don't want to overstep, make an actual suggestion.

I'm sure you don't.

[inhales deeply]

[clears throat, sighs]

[flags rustling]

Donnie: You wanted to see me?

Where have you been?

You haven't come in for weeks.

It looks like Axe has brought you close.

In the past, you've talked about feeling almost intimidated by him in the work setting, but you've got a lot of back and forth going now.

He's a great resource.

I decided I shouldn't shy away from that anymore.

♪ tense music ♪

You used to be one of the most open people here, but you've withdrawn from me.

Even now, I sense you withholding.

Maybe I'm just tired.

Maybe I'm... I'm just doing well and I don't wanna jinx it by... talking about it.

♪ ♪ ♪

[horns honk in distance]

[rock music playing over speakers]

I couldn't stop thinking about your problem.

Uh-huh.

Now I know you're the doc, but let me prescribe you something.

A boulevardier for her, please, and another one for me.

It's like a Negroni, but with rye instead of gin. Try it.

How the f*ck did you know I liked Negronis?

Billie told me.

Well, I asked her.

Is that something a headhunter needs to know about a client these days?

Well, you're more interesting than my other clients.

[scoffs] Cut the sh*t. I don't need to be flattered.

That's an occupational hazard, and in your case, it's not flattery.

So... I came across something today... a job that I think might be your Shangri-La.

And they don't use outside headhunters, and I'm not gonna charge you directly if you get the gig.

♪ ♪ ♪

Do you wanna talk about why you're undervaluing yourself?

No.

[both chuckle]

Tell me about the job.

It is a blue-chip consulting firm.

They do turnarounds from the inside out.

And the clients... we're talking innovators, thought leaders, Fortune 500 folks... crazy geniuses that need to be met on their own terms.

You want a challenge, this job's gonna require that you seriously up your game.

Huh.

Mm-hmm.

♪ ♪ ♪

You can play cool if you want, but this façade's not fooling me.

You're excited as hell.

[both chuckle]

I'm intrigued.

I do have some questions.

About the comp? Platinum. State-of-the-art package, comparable to what you're making now.

I previewed who you were without naming you, and I know it's yours if you're interested.

♪ ♪ ♪

It's overwhelming, right? Getting exactly what you want?

♪ ♪ ♪

That's how I roll.

I would insist on paying you a commission.

I want to do a nice thing. Let me.

I have to do something.

You can. Drink up.

♪ ♪ ♪

[glasses clink]

♪ ♪ ♪

This is today's downloads.

[flash drive clatters]

Few conversations.

Not what you're looking for... yet.

[inhales deeply]

That's what I want to talk about. You know...

[flash drive thuds]

There's a move. Guys try it so often, we call it the Bojangle.

When someone who's been caught, like yourself, agrees to cooperate, then thinks they can string us along, giving us nothing until... what?

Maybe you think we'll lose interest or somethin'?

Well, that's not gonna happen ever, so don't you try to f*cking Bojangle me.

"The price of any betrayal always comes due in flesh."

What's that? Shakespeare?

Stephen King. Gunslinger.

But no less true.

You're right in recognizing that I... am reluctant.

It makes me sick to sell out the man who g-gave me everything...

...so I can be with my family.

So if that's not good enough, you can go f*ck yourself!

So you tell me, you want me to keep doing what I'm doing?

Yeah. Keep it up. We'll be in touch.

♪ tense music ♪

[door opens]

[switch clicks]

[doors creak]

Jeez.

Are you f*cking kidding me?!

Credible source. Well-developed.

I cannot believe how reckless this is.

Tomorrow, Bryan.

I will hear your complaints tomorrow.

And I will give those complaints a good, long, loud hearing.

You can bray, and I will listen.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

But for now...

[chair thuds]

Excellent work.

[inhales and exhales sharply]

♪ ♪ ♪

[exhales deeply]

[sighs]

[door opens]

[sighs]

Wendy: Hey.

Chuck: Hey.

Did you, uh, pay the sitter?

Yeah. She left a while ago.

[sets down purse]

[shoes thud]

What'd you do tonight?

Meeting with the, uh, Federal Judiciary committee at the Bar Association.

You?

[jewelry clinking]

Uh, I had a drink with Billie and some of the girls from med school.

[watch clinks]

Guess we know who had more fun tonight.

Ha. Yeah.

[shoe thuds]

[door opens, closes]

What are those?

Sleeping bags.

Go get sweatshirts and toothbrushes.

Why?

'Cause you're going on a campout with the Westport Sound Rangers.

What?

Mm-hmm.

It's time to learn some outdoor skills.

Camping, fire building, map reading, ropes course.

Some life skills.

Dad.

It's your mother's decision, and I'm behind her.

[sighs deeply]

Get up.

[groans]

I canceled your speech at the conference.

Good. Next?

Raul Gomez says he needs to know if he can tell his board you're clear of charges.

Call back later.

[door opens]

[indistinct conversations]

You were right.

[door closes]

It was the girlfriend.

The video makes the whole thing clear.

He was drinking.

He basically admits to driving your kids drunk.

He insults them and you.

We've got the full version now. No one else does.

What'd it cost?

Well within my budget for this type of thing.

Well done.

Now we just need to get it into Mike Dimonda's hands.

Already being uploaded by my office.

Deb: Ooh!

All right.

man: All right, let's get those tents up!

Then we'll assign fire detail, cook up some franks and beans.

[ Guadalcanal Diary's "Watusi Rodeo" playing]

[backpack thuds]

♪ Come along with me... ♪

Hey!

♪ Got a zebra by the tail and a python in my hand ♪

It's a screen-free, electronics-free time out here, buddies.

Sorry.

Hand it over.

♪ ...was a Texas plain ♪
♪ But now I swing a lasso on an alien terrain ♪


You have one?

♪ ♪ ♪

All right, then. Hop to!

Tent's not gonna pitch itself.

♪ Watusi rodeo ♪

Bruce: I got your precious, f*cking babies home.

Bobby: What? I will k*ll you, you m*therf*cker.


[laughs]

[bell dings]

[laughter]

Orrin: 400,000 hits in less than two hours.

That's beyond viral. That's goddamned virulent.

Well, it's official. This no longer exists in the system.

The full video contained what the police consider to be an admission of DUI, so your reaction was justifiable.

Just stay off the radar.

[clears throat]

Thank you.

There you go.

If you need anything else, you got my number.

Best one yet... "Mothers Against Drunk Driving, we salute #BobbyAxelrod for doing what needed to be done.

#don'tdrinkanddrive."

[cellphone thuds]

Orrin: You're an instant g*dd*mn hero.

Your phone is blowing up.

Lawrence Boyd from Spartan-Ives...

"Bobby, share my chopper out to the Hamptons for Clean Water gala."

Ooh.

Ooh!

And Raul Gomez... "The police remain behind Axe Cap."

There we go!

[glasses clink]

Chuck: Mm.

Bobby: Get up!

Bruce: That's gonna f*cking cost you.

Worth it.

[bell dings]

man: Axelrod wins!


Of course.

[door thuds]

[door closes]

Well, I said that I would hear you out, and I will.

Uh, I'm not doing it this way.

Appoint someone else lead counsel.

I got plenty of other cases to deal with.

Now is this because you think my advice gives you less of a sh*t at winning?

No. I need to protect my integrity.

I need to run the case if I'm running it.

Ego.

[scoffs]

Bryan Connerty saying, I did it.

I took down Bobby Axelrod.

Not ego. And not alone.

We have more resources than any governmental prosecutorial division in the world.

I plan on using them as I see fit.

Sometimes even I lose perspective. [exhales]

This whole winning and losing thing can do that to you.

I say "I" instead of "we," instead of "the people."

♪ tense music ♪

And I forget that history won't give a sh*t if Chuck Rhoades or Bryan Connerty won or lost some dipshit case, And in a hundred years, that's what they'll all look like, no matter how big.

♪ ♪ ♪

But taken together as an aggregate, they matter.

Instead of thinking about how it's gonna feel hearing a guilty verdict only you brought in, picture the retirees, the hourly workers.

The innocent timecard-punching factory employees humping it out of bed every day for their families.

♪ ♪ ♪

Those people put their faith in the American promise... work hard, get paid what you deserve.

Invest your nest egg, grow it.

[scoffs] Retire with enough to live on.

[scoffs] That is the whole reason...

We're sold the idea that the playing field is level.

But we both know the playing field is tilted like a craps table in Tombstone, Arizona.

[exhales sharply]

And Bobby Axelrod is the one who is sewing the legs.

♪ ♪ ♪

Every dollar that he takes through fraud, insider information, market manipulation, is a dollar taken away from one of those folks who earned it.

And Axe will do everything to keep it all going.

And that's why you need me, because I am willing to stare into the abyss beyond conventional morality and do what needs to be done to even that f*cking table back up.

[exhales]

♪ ♪ ♪

Sit in it.

Come on.

Come on.

I want you to. Sit in it.

♪ ♪ ♪

[clears throat]

Someday you're gonna be sitting in that chair for real.

And you're gonna remember this moment and you're gonna understand it in a way that you couldn't possibly now.

But know this... this is your case, Bryan.

I'm not letting you walk away from it.

♪ ♪ ♪

So what you have to ask yourself, the only thing you have to ask yourself is, can you do a better job standing up for those folks with me in your corner... or without me?

♪ ♪ ♪

Now you stay there, right there.

Think about it.

♪ ♪ ♪

[door opens]

[door closes]

[sighs]

[taps key]

[cellphone vibrates]

[engine revving]

[insects chirping]

[gravel crunching]

I think you're gonna be happy.

[engine idling]

[vehicle departs]

[flash drive clinks]

[insects chirping]

[engine turns off]

[Pixies' "Debaser" playing]

♪ ♪ ♪


man: Hey!

Go!

Gordie: He's coming!

man: Hey, what the...

Get in, get in.

He's coming. He's coming.

Let's go!

[car door closes]

Buckle up.

Yes!

[engine revs]

What the hell?!

♪ Got me a movie, I want you to know ♪

[engine revs]

♪ Slicing up eyeballs ♪
♪ I want you to know ♪
♪ Girlie so groovy... ♪


[exhales] Smart move, Gordie, holding on to your phone.

♪ Don't know about you ♪

So you guys hungry? What did they feed you?

Franks and beans.

It was sh*t.

We're starving.

See?

Now you've learned to appreciate what you have.

And watch your mouth.

Okay.

So... tough night.

♪ I am un chien...

Wanna get some real food?

[singsongy] I know a diner, great milkshakes.

Dean and Gordie: Yes!

♪ Be a debaser ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ Debaser ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ Got me a movie, ha, ha, ha, ho ♪
♪ Slicing up eyeballs, ha, ha, ha, ho ♪
♪ Girlie so groovy, ha, ha, ha, ho ♪
♪ Don't know about you ♪
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