01x11 - Magical Thinking

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Billions"...

Cancer?

Yeah.

sh*t.

Pancreatic.

Walter and the kids gonna have enough?

Nobody's gonna starve, but I could've done better.

Forty million.

What if we could get you there?

It won't be simple. It'll require deception.

Bobby: And your final weeks and months, they won't be your own.

Bobby Axelrod used Donnie to feed us information that he would never live to testify to.

♪ tense music ♪

Donnie's gone.

How long you figure it's been since we've had a session?

Lara: I made some decisions.

You shuttered it.

Lara: Selling the farm, too.

Chuck Sr.: You know, if you had listened to me in the first place and hadn't blown up the deal with Axelrod, we would not be in this spot, would we?

The game has changed, and you haven't changed with it.

Your advice is no longer welcome.

It was hard on Donnie, not being able to tell you.

Did other people know?

Hey. What are you doing here?

Ari: He is a candidate for a drug trial in Pittsburgh that's been yielding some pretty interesting results.

Kind of rough for a guy who's been through a lot already.

Ari: It can be.

Bobby: Maybe we shouldn't bring it up.

[telephones ringing, indistinct conversations]

What the f*ck?

Mafee wants to see you.

Bobby: I just waved him in.

He wanted me to ask you permission.

Permission for what?

He comes in here all the f*cking time.

Door's always open. You know that. I love Mafee.

He wants to talk about BioLance.

Oh. Well, in that case, fire him.

Yeah. He said that you said he's not allowed to bring it up.

No, he can, if he wants to get fired.

Right, but if he doesn't bring it up, he thinks you're gonna lose 400 million.

And since he's executing the trade...

He thinks I'll fire him then.

Sticky. I can see how that's sticky.

Can he come in?

Of course. I love Mafee.

[handle clicks, indistinct conversations]

It's okay?

We'll see.

Axe, special announcement call from BioLance is in nine minutes.

I've been losing sleep over it, and I sleep like a bear.

Brown or polar?

Which hibernate?

They all... hibernate.

They're bears.

Then both, but not lately.

Bobby: Uh-huh.

I can pare our position before the call.

We can still make 10%.

If we hold and I'm right, what do we make then?

We double our money.

If we were a benchmark fund, ten would be great.

But we are no benchmark fund.

I'm just afraid we're gonna lose.

All my research is telling me that approval is a coin flip.

Right. Do Ben Kim and all the other analysts agree with you?

To a man.

First, I told you yesterday and the day before that I understood the risks.

I've done the channel checks. I've done the homework.

BioLance's inhibitor is gonna be lights out.

Six other companies have inhibitors in the works.

Only one's gonna win approval and market share.

That's why I think we should wait, get in later.

Oh. Second, you're fired.

I'm fired?

That's what he said.

We're already in BioLance. That's where the win is.

I-I just don't see what the difference maker is.

I'm the difference maker.

I tried.

You tried.

And now I'm fired.

Goodbye, Mafee.

woman on speakerphone: The next voice you hear will be the BioLance CEO, Brooks Wellever.

[telephone beeps]

Brooks: So you all know how important the development of our SGLT 2 inhibitor for treatment of Type 2 diabetes is to this company, how deep our investment has been.

And I wish I had better news.

We were just notified by the FDA that we were denied approval.

[employees sigh, groan]

Brooks: We estimate a time horizon of five more years to complete fixes.

But at our current burn rate of cash, we only have three years of operating ex...

[telephone beeps]

♪ tense, pulsating music ♪

[music volume increases]

♪♪♪

[employees murmuring]

What's the damage?

Stock is halted until the morning, but there are no bids in sight.

It's gonna be ugly.

Wags: sh*t.

430 million dollar loss.

Could turn into twice that.

♪♪♪

[telephone ringing in distance]

[indistinct conversations]

[door closes]

[footsteps thudding]

[object rattles and thuds]

What are you doing?

[chair clatters]

You fired me.

You know never to listen to me about sh*t like that between 9:30 and 4:00.

How could I fire you?

I love you, Mafee.

[pats shoulder]

[indistinct conversations continue]

[footsteps thudding]

♪ pensive music playing ♪

[objects rustle]

[indistinct conversations]

Wendy: Hey.

Maria: Wendy.

[exhales] Oh, I am so glad you're thinking about us.

Hey, Roma wants to give you the tour herself.

How are you?

Work is a happy place now.

Maria: Come on. I'll introduce you.

Wendy: Great space.

I have an eye for it. Even better one for talent.

I knew that as soon as you snagged Maria.

She's a perfect fit.

We value fit, culture, more than most.

That's why 60% or so of our PMs are women.

Makes it easier to practice socially responsible investing.

Is that the mission?

The mission is profit.

But me and a few of the senior partners, we came up at a time when Wall Street was all cock and balls ...and no brains.

[chuckles]

We try to practice with a little less ego around here in a more collaborative, inclusive environment.

But it's a delicate balance.

You don't want a bunch of guys running around with sawed-off shotguns, but you don't want scented candles and an aversion to risk either.

That's for f*cking sure.

[chuckles]

We need someone to curate that balance, someone who's been through the wars, who's seen the other side.

You want me to make your people assassins.

We want them to be able to access that mentality when needed, with great accuracy.

Yeah. Assassins. It's kind of my specialty.

I know.

No other performance coach in the industry would be a better fit.

And you're already an investor.

[indistinct conversations]

We need you, and you wanna be here.

[indistinct conversations continue]

I'm curious. Why do you think you know what I want?

I mean, it's a hard thing to know even about oneself.

I'm a stock picker and an instinct trader.

Am I wrong?

[cellphone vibrates]

Look.

We believe there's a better way.

Life doesn't have to be a zero-sum game.

Go. Think.

Let me know.

[indistinct conversations]

[birds chirping]

Adam: Brownstone off the Promenade.

[door closes]

Sometimes I forget which caste you belong to, Chuck.

Ah.

This is a hell of a reminder.

And where'd your dad practice internal medicine?

The rough side of Highland Park? Huh?

I have to admit you surprise me, even for a man in your position.

There's not many who could cast a spell and make a federal judge disappear.

There are no other men in my position. [Chuckles]

[Adam chuckles]

[chuckles]

For I also know the name being nominated in committee to replace Wilcox.

Ah.

And let me be the first to congratulate you.

Thank you.

It's as it should be. You happy? You should be happy.

I'd be laughing like Hank Kingsley if I were in your Florsheims.

"Hey, now!"

[ Laughs ]

Hey, these are Ferragamos. [chuckles]

I like to laugh, too.

But lately...

Yes, lately.

And I worry.

With you out of the AG's office, she'll be even less likely to look kindly on the work I need to do, especially when it diverges from...

Whatever whim she and the White House might have.

Mm.

I was wondering when the actual tat would come.

Or is this the tit?

When it comes to picking your replacement, I need someone who'll look out for me in DC.

So you wanna pick?

I know a few likely candidates.

I'll need you to foam the runway for that replacement on your way out.

Is this really still about Axelrod?

What, he's that much of a burr under your saddle?

It's about justice.

Of course.

If, as you say, my name's already been put forth, I'm not sure what leverage you still have.

I wanted to tell you this in person to see exactly how badly you want it.

It would be brutal to have it get this close only to stall in Judicial Committee.

The Senate is so polarized these days.

Judgeships get held hostage for... [inhales deeply] months, years.

Are you saying you can guarantee I sail through committee?

"Guarantee" is a word that amateurs use in politics.

But I can make it so that Senator Vandeveer takes you by the hand and drags you to the bench.

And what I have to do to get that done will not be pleasant.

It'll be quite odious, so I need your assurance.

I'll do it.

But about Axelrod and finding a way to leg back in...

[sighs]

Let... let me be General Bradley to your Patton and advise you to practice restraint.

Ah. Oh, it was good advice when Omar Bradley gave it.

Safe.

And one of them d*ed a well-respected and admired general, and the other one d*ed a legend.

You name my pick for replacement.

I'll lock in your appointment.

And then I'll worry about the rest from there.

I won't lie. Having a Michelin chef in house, it would be an excellent recruiting tool.

What do you think?

Oh. It's a great kitchen.

Love the La Cornue.

But I would really miss, you know, real people...

"gastros" who light up when they eat something really special.

You go private serving guys that might just have ...whatever for lunch...

man: Mm.

You could lead the effort to expand our horizons.

Don't let her off the hook, Lar.

I won't. We'll talk soon.

Yeah, thanks.

[footsteps depart]

You know, when people ask you what you think, you don't really have to tell them.

I could've said a lot more.

[indistinct conversations]

Wags: Give him some f*cking space!

[Bobby exhales sharply]

Give me a sec.

Hey.

[kiss]

Something wrong?

[smacks lips] Bad day. Something happened.

Something serious?

I can't make it to Lilly's tonight.

Really?

What happened?

[elevator bell dings, footsteps approach]

I blew a read. Badly.

And I know the reason wasn't in the numbers.

It was in here. I'm gonna fix it.

Wendy?

I don't like it.

This isn't three years ago, you know.

She's at odds with you, with herself, over this battle.

You can't trust her.

Well, she's the only one who can give me what I need right now.

[sighs]

I know.

♪ pensive music ♪

She's gonna ask you about Donnie.

♪♪♪

man: You new here?

Maybe.

Nice.

Now all we need is a pole. [chuckles]

Lu: I can't cook for a bunch of animals who will eat anything, sh*t on anything, f*ck anything.

Don't be ignorant. That's just a stereotype.

[engine revving]

[tires squeal]

Okay, you hate the place. Fine.

[vehicle departs rapidly]

I was just trying to help with your situation.

Well, I wouldn't have a situation if it weren't for this place.

Well, you probably wouldn't have your own kitchen for another ten years either.

Look, I'm sorry.

But what happened to my badass big sister who says what she wants and doesn't waste two shits on what the world thinks of her?

I'm right here in front of you.

When's the last time you even hung out in the old neighborhood?

What are we supposed to do, Go back to f*cking McCrory's and sh**t pool with the guys?

And the night takes shape.

[indistinct conversations, telephone rings in distance]

So?

Bryan: We break it down.

[boxes thud]

Put it in boxes.

Well, this is where we get off, Dale.

This tight little team can handle it.

FBI doesn't do clerical?

Not on this one. It's, uh, too sad.

Yeah, since it's over, I'm supposed to start on this synthetic marijuana thing up in Orangeburg.

Oh, it's not over.

When it starts going back into boxes, it's over.

[indistinct conversations]

Ben: The FDA adverse reporting database flagged 20 cases of acidosis associated with similar SLGT2s.

It was in the file.

Mafee: Yeah, we didn't f*ck up. He did.

[footsteps thudding]

[knock on door]

[door handle clicks, indistinct conversations]

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, thanks for coming back.

Hope you didn't get all the way home.

Where were you?

I'm here now.

[door handle clicks]

Hey, everybody, you can go home. Thanks.

[door closes]

I made a mistake today that I shouldn't have.

It could cost me a billion dollars after we've sifted through the wreckage.

That's quite a mistake.

I need an adjustment.

You're finally ready for a real session.

Yeah.

If I talk it through with you, sharpen my focus, I'll be able to start digging out tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Yeah, I already know the reason I made the mistake was mental error.

Now I just need to find out why I wanted to make it.

This might take a while.

[Chuck sighing]

[dog food rattling]

[clears throat]

[front door opens]

[door creaks]

[Chuck exhales sharply]

Hey.

[bowl clatters]

Carrie?

[door creaking]

Uh...

[door closes]

I was waiting for Wendy.

Yeah, she called, said you were both gonna be out.

Yes, I have things to do.

I thought she was in with the kids tonight.

[sighs] Must've gotten our signals crossed.

Her thing sounded kind of last-minute.

[whispers] Okay.

[exhales sharply]

Must've had this on silent.

Uh... the kids are already in their rooms.

Eva's asleep. Kevin might want another story.

Uh... would you mind cleaning up the dog food?

Thank you.

[doorknob clicks]

See you later.

[door handle clicks, switch clicks]

[bag thuds]

[inhales and exhales deeply]

Tell me about today.

If you're successful enough, people think you can do anything, and then you start to believe it, too.

You mean you do.

I'm not Superman. That's what I'm trying to get across.

But today?

I might've forgotten.

It's hard not to engage in a little magical thinking when everyone else is looking at you like you're some combination of Warren Buffet and God above.

I don't buy that.

Magical thinking is... if I clean the house, then school gets canceled tomorrow.

And this?

I'm not wishing or guessing, and I'm not usually wrong.

And when you are, you take your medicine and move on.

It's what makes you great.

But today, your own words, you missed something.

Somehow the idea that all the guys...

I asked Mafee, and the moment he said that everyone else agreed that it was the wrong move, I had to stick it out, had to prove that I was the difference maker.

To who?

Mafee? Danzig?

Of course not.

I agree. They all idolize you already.

It wasn't about proving anything to any of them.

Look, you want me to fix the part of you that makes money.

But it is attached to the rest, so...

Like I said, this is gonna take a little while.

Bryan: Why do I hate these guys so much?

[object thuds]

Well, they're criminals.

And they're a lot richer than you.

[sighs]

♪ pensive music ♪

Are we really doing what we're doing... [papers rustle] ...for the reasons we say?

Well, you mean, does making these arrests, dealing fines, actually do anything to keep markets fair?

[papers rustling]

[inhales deeply ] When you put it like that...

[sighs heavily]

This kid I went to school with, Jim Gagne... most brilliant guy I've ever met.

Gagne was a double major in chemical engineering and pre-med.

I felt like he was gonna cure cancer.

Well, cancer's still going last I checked.

He's no scientist.

He works the medical sector for Spartan-Ives, made 20 million last year.

Society's f*cked when that happens.

Incentives all out of whack.

So someone has to do something.

And we use laws and fines and jail.

We try.

♪♪♪

[ice rattles]

[sips]

[Bryan inhales deeply]

[envelope rustles]

Got this made 'cause I was so f*cking proud of Chuck for pushing back.

♪♪♪

[glass clinks]

It's Axe's settlement check, but I forgot to give it to him by the time it came back from the framer, with the, uh, Donnie of it all.

I'm gonna leave it on his desk.

[chuckles]

[envelope thuds]

♪♪♪

[bottle clinks]

[papers rustle]

I know where Chuck keeps his stash.

[footsteps depart]

Come on.

Kate: Sounds dangerous.

Let's talk about you for a sec.

That's not how this works.

We've never done anything the way it works, and we're not exactly starting tonight.

How are you handling everything?

I wanna know before we go on.

Grant me this indulgence.

[clicks teeth]

The Donnie thing threw me, to be honest.

There's an empty space in the world without him.

The fact that...

I missed it.

This man, this... patient of mine, dying.

And he wouldn't let me in, despite whatever was going on with him.

And you.

People withhold crucial information all the time.

We learn to manage our expectations about those close to us, don't we?

So they don't turn into mistrust or... paranoia.

When I was young, I figured if I was truly there for my patients, I could get them to be truly open with me.

I quickly learned that's not the case, but you still hope.

Really?

[fist thuds]

That's what you were thinking about when you were young?

f*ck. You chose the right line of work.

[chuckles]

I was just thinking about getting rich and getting even.

Have you?

Yeah. Mostly.

Does it make everything all better?

Why doesn't it?

Because the world isn't simple.

Like with Donnie.

You keep going back there.

I don't think we can ignore that you missed today, for the first time in forever, right after he d*ed.

Okay, go ahead, doctor. You connect those dots.

Well, you used the words.

[clink]

Getting even.

When I was a kid.

And today?

Bombing the trade, were you somehow evening the score for Donnie?

What does that even mean? Donnie was a friend.

Everyone here matters to me, and I go out of my way for all of 'em.

That's why I got him the best medical care.

The same as when Mick Danzig gets tackled on his lawn with a machine g*n in his f*cking hands, I'm the one who pays off the cops to make the problem go away.

That's what I do here.

I take care of my people, and they know that.

And so should you by now.

[inhales deeply]

So are you ready to tell me who you were trying to prove something to?

Yeah.

Should we say it in unison?

And were you trying to prove you were a difference maker for good or bad?

Were you trying to reward or punish yourself?

[whispers] Come on.

Where you going?

Wendy: We're not done!

Come on!

[sighs]

Lu: God, that was awful. [laughs]

You don't even go there anymore.

You're a Michelin chef.

You live in Bushwick with the hipsters.

The only reason we ever went there is 'cause they didn't check IDs.

[laughs] God! What were you thinking?

I just... I thought we could do something like we used to, before everything was all work and you were all...

Then let's do something. Better.

Where else did we used to go?

Nowhere I wanna go now.

Lu: After you got your car...

Oh, that f*cking Fiero.

Man, we'd just drive around, joyriding.

Then let's go joyriding.

Come on. Come on! Come on.

[laughter]

[vehicles passing]

I thought I might not see you here for a while.

[clicks teeth] Well, I may have been... overly harsh with you before.

"Overly harsh"?

I don't know. I'm...

I'm getting up there in years.

I don't really, uh, understand these things anymore.

I don't even know why you're here.

There is a favor I need.

Ah...

Now we get to it.

What can I help you with?

I need a Senator on the judiciary committee to push through a nomination.

Your Senator.

And I'm supposed to just... materialize Marcia Vandeveer?

A United States Senator?

And get her to do what you want?

I know that you and Marcia...

I must still know how the game works to be able to do something like that.

[siren wailing in distance]

I must've spent a lifetime building relationships, collecting chits.

Whatever law and order issue that she's running on, my office will make it a priority.

Accommodations will not be necessary, not necessary at all.

She owes me a favor.

She'll be happy to sit with you. I'll just give her a call.

Well... as long as it's not too much trouble.

Anything you'd like to say to me?

Thank you, Dad.

And?

I'm sorry. [Sighs]

[inhales deeply] There's the boy.

[sniffs]

[Van Halen's "And the Cradle Will Rock" playing]

[object clatters]

Bobby: No.

[object thuds]

[Wendy laughs]

♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Get up ♪

Bobby: Whoa!

♪ Ow! ♪

[object thuds loudly]

Oh! Unbelievable!

I'd have given 30 to one odds you'd miss with the phone.

Then you're definitely not seeing the market.

I can do a phone.

It's gotta be bigger than a phone now.

♪ Well, they say it's kinda frightnin' ♪
♪ How this younger generation swings ♪
♪ You know, it's more than just some new sensation ♪
♪ Well, the kid is into losin' sleep ♪
♪ And he don't come home for half the week ♪

[loud crash]

♪ You know it's more than just an aggravation ♪
♪ And the cradle ♪

[laughing]

Do you remember our first building?

Ooh! Globe would've gone through the floor.

Okay, double or nothing. I wanna do a computer.

Oh, my God. You're like Kobe f*ring up sh*ts when he's two for 18.

No doubt in your mind the next one's going in.

Kobe? Steph Curry. Jordan, maybe.

Don't give me Kobe.

sh**t's gotta sh**t.

Unwavering belief in our own capabilities.

It's essential to a point.

Keeps us functioning at a high level.

Until it isn't, right?

Maybe your self-image is creating... a blind spot.

We're not on a break, are we?

No.

Why couldn't I have seen it before?

Well, let's assume your blind spot usually works for you.

It's fairly essentially if you don't feel indestructible like Superman.

How are you gonna risk billions every morning?

But it's not working for you now.

So you need to figure out what part of your self-image is false.

And then you either need to live up to it or lose it.

Interesting word... "false." Like, uh... when someone knows that they have to tell a lover goodbye.

But they can't quite do it, so instead, they sleep with them one last time.

Then they have their own unspoken goodbye, not letting on that everything's changed until... after the night is over.

[exhales]

I'm not sure that's what we're discussing here.

No, maybe not.

But it came to mind, so I said it.

Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?

In a sense.

[footsteps thud]

Something I said?

Let's go outside.

[footsteps depart]

[lock clicking]

Mm.

[glasses clink]

[kiss]

♪ tense music ♪

[breathing heavily]

[objects thud]

♪♪♪

[jacket rustles]

[laughing]

[both laughing]

Sorry, that was...

So cliché. [Laughing]

Oh, the worst! [Laughs]

Oh. You think Chuck's ever had sex here?

Oh, time to leave right now.

Ohh. Oh, God. [Laughs]

[Bryan laughing]

Oh! [Laughs]

Oh.

Oh.

I still wanna do something dangerous.

[horn honks]

Hey, Nancy. Church Rhoades.

Looking for Wendy.

Wondering if you knew what she was up to.

Maybe her phone d*ed.

Uh, anyway, when you get this, let me know if you know. Thanks.

[horn honks]

[exhales deeply]

[laughter]

[ambient music playing over loudspeakers]

♪♪♪

Ira: We'll have, uh, another Bulleit.

All right, same thing.

Splash of soda and, uh, little, uh, little lemon zest.

Oh! Will you bring us two?

woman: For sure.

I was beginning to think you were a no-show.

I'm beginning to wish I no-showed.

I don't see the appeal.

♪♪♪

[cellphone touchscreen clicking]

See it now?

Oh, Christ. Ira.

Don't make indict you for child p*rn.

She's of age. She just sent that to me.

God bless these 23-year-olds.

They grew up with p*rn.

[scoffs]

And daddy issues.

Maybe granddaddy issues in your case.

Ow.

[chuckles]

What do you talk to a 23-year-old about?

Taylor Swift?

Did you meet her on Tinder?

Actually, I did. [laughing]

How do you do it? I mean, get 'em to... swipe left or right or whatever on a mug like yours.

You put the Porsche in the Tinder photo.

[scoffs]

You can't be subtle on Tinder.

Mm. Thank you.

Wow.

Mm-hmm.

How'd it go?

[clears throat]

Not as bad as you thought, I'm sure.

Mm.

[ice rattling]

Worse, I think.

I believe that he used "I told you so" in all its myriad constructions.

[sets down glass]

I understand how it must make you feel to have to ask for a favor like that.

But everyone has a roof. Accept it.

[smacks lips] A roof?

Those two years I was in Russia, it was right after the wall came down.

There was money and crazy women.

The Wild West of capitalism.

Anyway, in Russia, you had to pay someone to protect you, either the cops or the mob, and then they were your "roof."

Mm.

That's what they called it.

You're down right now. It's not a moment for pride.

It's a moment for, uh... consolidation.

Positioning, a little security. Senior's your roof.

Everyone needs a roof.

I may need one.

It doesn't mean I have to f*cking like it.

Yeah, but if you don't have a roof, you can't be surprised when it starts raining on you.

Well, it's like the man sang, "it may be the devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody," right?

[footsteps approach]

woman: Hey.

Hi.

[whispering indistinctly]

[whispers] Think about that.

All right.

woman: Mm-hmm.

Tyler, go to the bar. I'll... I'll find you later.

Tyler: Okay.

How are you able to keep it so light, brother?

In law school, you were just as weighted down as the rest of us.

Light. Heavy.

Who even thinks in those terms?

Mm-hmm.

Weekends and on Wednesdays, I'm with my kids and I'm one way.

And when I'm not, I'm here, or somewhere like it.

Otherwise, what? Watch harness racing on TV?

No, you should know that that's rigged.

They can shift the results just by dinging one wheel of the sulky.

I don't actually bet the f*cking trotters.

Where are you, fella?

[scoffs]

'Cause you're not here.

It's one thing if I check my phone.

Could be some girl telling me she just turned 21.

What the f*ck are you doing?

♪♪♪

Wendy.

I don't... [sighs]

[hip-hop music playing over loudspeakers]

I'm not sure where she is tonight.

Ah.

f*ck.

Yeah.

And, uh, it doesn't feel like a "we're just out of pocket for a minute."

There's some kind of continental drift going on.

Worse.

Tectonic collisions.

♪♪♪

You know, no offense, man, but... all of this is not for me.

So it scares the sh*t out of me that it could be where I'm heading.

♪♪♪

[exhales sharply] It's not really for anyone, tell you the truth.

No one chooses it.

Even if they think they do when they walk out the door. it's... not what they think it'll be, especially after the first few months.

♪♪♪

Everything I said to you about the young girls is true.

They're wild and free and... they'll lick your dirty places and smile.

But the one thing they are not is... my Elizabeth.

Or Wendy.

♪♪♪

I know.

I remember nights with Liz, and she'd be asleep, and I'd have all these things that I'd wanna tell her.

Then I wouldn't wake her up. I'd just sit with it.

And... by morning, they'd be gone. [Sighs]

Plowed under with the routine.

If I could get one of those nights back...

I'm not saying I'd give up all these nights, but, uh...

[footsteps approach]

Yeah, I probably have a few things like that I should say.

Then why the f*ck are you still sitting here with me?

[exhales sharply]

'Cause one thing's for sure, you got absolutely no game.

[chuckles]

I never cried over Donnie, you know.

You wanted to?

I think I should have, maybe.

Last time you did?

Oh, I don't know.

Sure you do.

Let's turn here.

I like to wander from time to time.

It's our little expeditions that keep me around.

Digging in the dirt, getting under the process.

But I was supposed to be home hours ago.

Last time you cried.

f*ck. Okay.

You know what really nails me?

These YouTube videos, soldiers coming home, surprising their kids at school.

Even better... baseball game.

So the guy subs for the catcher.

Kid goes to the mound, he gets ready to pitch.

He throws one. He hasn't noticed.

And the catcher goes to the mound, takes off his mask, kid sees him, and the dad just wraps him in a hug.

I have no idea why, but if I stumble across one of those, I am gone.

Does it feel good after?

Yeah, it does.

Jesus. Nobody knows that, not even Lara.

It's okay for that to be private.

Do you know what's going on?

You're not gonna tell me it's because my dad never came home?

Well, I think that might be in there, but I think we resolved a bunch of that.

No, I think about the mask itself.

I think about what it means that the dad pulls off the mask, and he's not only seen but loved for who he is underneath that hard metal exterior.

Well, that guy's a hero. He deserves the love.

And you?

What happens when you take it off?

Will you still be loved?

By the guys here, your kids, Lara?

What if you're not perfect?

What if you miss one every few years?

Yeah.

What then?

♪ pensive music ♪

Let's stay with Donnie a minute more.

♪♪♪

The Hold Steady: ♪ Subpoenaed in Texas ♪
♪ Sequestered in Memphis ♪

It's not the same without the Fiero.

Yeah. Can't feel the road in this.

And you can't hear the f*cking engine.

Are we going somewhere?

Nah.

We're just gonna joyride.

♪♪♪
♪ I think she drove a new Mustang ♪
♪ I guess it might be a rental ♪

No.

[helicopter blades whirring]

♪ I remember she had satellite radio ♪
♪ I guess she seemed a bit nervous ♪
♪ Do you think I'm that stupid? ♪

Are you ready?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

f*ck, yeah.

[helicopter blades whirring]

[beer sloshes]

You know, I think you're right about me, Lu.

I'm not your ballsy big sister who doesn't give two shits.

The old me would've told Bobby to go f*ck himself for blowing me off to talk to Wendy Rhoades all night.

So why didn't you?

Because I'm different than who I was.

Improved, supposedly.

You didn't need that kind of improving.

I do need something, though.

What?

What do you want?

[helicopter blades continue whirring]

I tell you, this beats hitting the mall and shoplifting earrings.

Mm.

[chuckles]

God, we'd always end up at that stupid mall.

Remember when Mom bought us scratch-offs, and we agreed if either of us won, we'd go on a shopping spree?

Yeah.

You kind of won.

We've now gone as far as we possible can without getting to it.

[crickets chirping]

Donnie.

Fine. Donnie.

But first, tell me what you've put together.

I know you used him as a shield.

I don't know how exactly.

And I know you left his family well off afterwards.

That's all true.

So you should feel great.

You saved your kingdom and rewarded richly the knight who fell on his sword so you could do it.

A king who does not mourn that knight and that goes on building his own castle.

Oh, so that's why you missed on the trade.

You loved him, so subconsciously, you're punishing yourself.

I stole from him.

♪ pensive music ♪

His time, Without his permission.

Doctor presented me with a chance to get Donnie some experimental treatment, not a cure.

♪♪♪

But it could've extended his life a... few months...

♪♪♪

.. and maybe long enough for him to have seen Christmas.

But also maybe long enough for him to testify against me.

And...

I stopped that from happening because it didn't suit my purposes.

And I'm punishing myself because I cannot believe I have the capacity to do that to someone I care about.

♪♪♪

That's your fear?

That even when you care about someone, you can use them for your own ends.

If that is true, I don't like what it says about me.

It may be true, but that's not what this is.

You're punishing yourself because you're understanding that you didn't care about Donnie.

Not really.

That's what scares you.

♪♪♪

Yes.

♪♪♪

When I heard about Donnie's death, I...

♪♪♪

I felt relief.

And all the rest... the sorrow, the sadness... it was... it was buried way down.

Like it didn't exist at all.

That's right.

♪♪♪

So the question you've been afraid to ask out loud, but have been whispering to yourself ever since, do you wanna ask it?

Do I have to?

I think you do.

I can't say it for you.

♪♪♪

Well, people who have the capacity to feel nothing...

♪♪♪

...they call them sociopaths.

♪♪♪

Is that what I am?

♪♪♪

What do you think?

♪♪♪

I don't know.

♪♪♪

This is how... you manifest guilt.

If you didn't have it, you wouldn't have lost the money, you wouldn't be punishing yourself.

But it is a... crucial time.

Your switch plate is removed, your wiring is exposed.

Your blue ones go where your red ones should, that's for sure.

A normal person wouldn't engage in the behavior.

A sociopath wouldn't give a sh*t.

You're somewhere in between.

You are practiced at turning off your feelings.

Do it enough, it's a pattern. Keep going, they die.

So it's either fix it...

♪♪♪

...or close yourself back up and see what happens.

♪♪♪

[helicopter blades whirring]

[gate clattering]

[switch clicks]

Thank you, Anil.

Really, thank you. I know this is weird.

[Lara chuckles]

Anytime.

Just keep it open till we're done.

Okay.

Holy sh*t, Lar!

Yeah, holy sh*t. [laughs]

Ryan Adams: ♪ The light is harsh ♪
♪ As it's breaking through the blinds ♪

[sparkler hisses]

[Kate gasps]

♪ Cross my face in black lines ♪
♪ I'm so disconnected at the foot of the bed ♪

[fireworks popping, whistling]

♪ Don't know what to say, ♪
♪ Don't know what I said ♪

Bright.

So cool.

♪ Maybe every promise anybody makes ♪

[laughing]

♪ Is destined for the rocks ♪
♪ The longer it takes ♪
♪ Daylight is so close, I can almost taste it ♪
♪ It's all I got, it's not right ♪
♪ Everything is broken... ♪

[sirens wailing in distance]

♪ In my mind ♪

Key part breaking the law?

What?

Never mind. Come on.

Ooh!

[siren wailing grows louder]

♪ Don't wanna lose control, ♪
♪ Baby, I just might ♪
♪♪♪

Wendy: What we did tonight was pretty heavy.

There might be aftershocks.

Yeah, I know.

You did to me what I do to companies.

Took me apart, put me together again.

You seem tired.

Or are you just disgusted at what you heard?

Take this away with you.

You are a difference maker, but you're not a god.

♪ pensive music ♪

Pancreatic takes everyone.

It's like the market. It does what it wants.

And no magical thinking was ever gonna change that.

♪♪♪

So no, I'm not disgusted with you.

For whatever reason, when it comes to you, that's... that's just not on the table.

♪♪♪

You know, some of your wires aren't where they should be, either.

[chuckles]

[inhales deeply]

I can't argue.

[inhales sharply]

Is that why you've been looking at other shops?

♪♪♪

That's what you've been drilling for all night.

Where were you thinking about?

Was it Insight? Point One Four?

♪♪♪

No, Zenobia.

[clicks teeth]

♪♪♪

Yeah, Zenobia.

You think you'll be different there?

Fixed?

♪♪♪

Working in a simpler, safer way will allow you to step back from the edge?

♪♪♪

That's for a different session.

[inhales sharply]

♪♪♪

Wait. Pull over here.

k*ll the lights.

[gears shift, engine turns off]

[door handle clicks]

[crickets chirping]

[indistinct conversation, laughter in distance]

♪ tense music ♪
♪♪♪

[music intensifies]

[door handle clicks]

Chuck: Take me back to the city.

[The Black Heart Procession's "su1c1de" playing]

[door buzzes]

[door closes]

♪♪♪

[door handle clicks]

[man grunts loudly]

♪♪♪

[door closes]

♪♪♪
♪ As my bones creak ♪
♪ And my veins scream ♪
♪ While my spirit breaks ♪
♪ I hear you calling me ♪
♪ As my heart aches ♪
♪ And my hands shake ♪

[knocks on door]

♪ While my mind fades ♪

Troy: Enter.

♪ From these dark days ♪

[door handle clicks]

♪ In the valley where I come from ♪
♪ They'll cut your wrists ♪

[door closes]

♪ And hang you by the neck ♪

Mr. Martinez.

♪ I like your su1c1de ♪

It's been a long time.

Yes, it has.

♪ I like your su1c1de ♪

[heels clacking]

I can only assume you've been a wretched...

[inhales sharply]

[jacket drops]

[whispers] ...speck of sh*t.

♪♪♪

[clothing rustles]

♪ As my heart aches ♪

[clack]

♪ And my hands shake ♪

[exhales sharply]

♪ While my mind fades ♪

[whispers] Red.

♪ From these dark days ♪

[grunts]

[thud]

Red!

I'm sorry.

[breathing heavily]

Did I not pick up the body language?

It's been a while.

No. f*ck!

[metal clacking]

No.

It's me. I can't.

[metal clicking]

I, uh... I didn't get permission.

You didn't get permission from Mrs. Martinez?

[exhales sharply]

Oh, my God. What are you doing here?

[heels clacking, metal clanks]

I don't know.

Go get permission.

Yeah, it's not so simple.

Does Wendy not role-play anymore?

The workshop went so well. She was a f*cking all-star.

It's like she's... [sighs] She's intractable.

And she's so... [inhales sharply] So distant.

Chuck...

You guys should go see someone.

You can both come here if you want.

[sighs]

[muffled voices, banging]

man: Who the f*ck are you?

[loud thud]

man: What the f*ck you doing, man?

Troy: What the f*ck?

[man grunts, groans]

bouncer: assh*le was taking pictures.

Give me that. Give it to me!

[camera clacks]

♪ tense music ♪

You've been following me all night?

♪♪♪

Oh, my God. I can't be here.

I gotta go.

[music volume increases]

[music intensifies]

[front door closes]

[footsteps approach]

[Kn*fe thuds]

Must've been some party.

We didn't go. We made our own.

[laughs]

[sighs]

How are you?

I feel young again. Wanna go to prom?

I know better than to go with the bad boy.

[singsongy] Do you?

[singsongy] Maybe.

I cry sometimes.

At sentimental things.

♪ pensive music ♪

Commercials.

And I don't tell you.

♪ sentimental music playing ♪

Okay.

♪♪♪

[inhales deeply, exhales slowly]

I'm glad that tonight helped, but don't ever f*cking do that to me again.

♪♪♪

I don't think I will.

♪♪♪

[kiss]

[typing on laptop]

[key clicks]

[glass clatters]

[taps key]

[typing]

[continues typing]

[laptop lid clicks]

[exhales deeply]

[door handle clicks]

[door creaks]

[door creaks]

[door rattles shut]

♪ pensive music ♪

[keys jangle]

[keys jangle]

[exhales]

[shower running]

♪♪♪

[exhales]

[taps key]

♪♪♪

[typing]

[music volume increases]

[resumes typing]

[keys clicking]

[typing]

♪♪♪

[e-mail whooshes]

[Bob Dylan's "Gotta Serve Somebody" playing]

[keys click]

[faucet squeaks, shower stops running]

[key clicks]

♪♪♪
♪ You may be an ambassador to England or France ♪
♪ You may like to gamble ♪
♪ You might like to dance ♪

[bathroom door opens]

♪ You may be ♪
♪ The heavyweight champion of the world ♪
♪ You might be a socialite with a long string of pearls ♪
♪ But you're gonna have to serve somebody ♪
♪ Yes, indeed ♪
♪ You're gonna have to serve somebody ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord ♪
♪ But you're gonna have to serve somebody ♪
♪ You may be a rock 'n' roll addict ♪
♪ Prancing' on the stage ♪
♪ You might have dr*gs at your command ♪
♪ Women in a cage ♪