01x04 - Party in the Hills

[bunniefuu]

Hey, guys. So, uh, what movie we thinking about watching tonight?

What are we gonna tackle?

We got, uh... Perfect Storm, we got, uh... Unlawful Entry, Sister Act 2...

Sister Act 2!

man: Yeah, let's do that.

Sister Act 2.

No, I'm not watching that sh*t.

What?

Oh, why?

You already watched it today?

[all laugh]

Yes, Mother and I watched it this morning.

[all exclaiming]

Now it makes sense.

Cori: Uh, I got something that's kinda Perfect Storm-ish.

Gus: Oh, yeah?

Uh...

[guitar playing]

I like that. That's really good.

Gus: That's good.

Per, per, perfect.

Okay, yeah. It's like, it's the...

[laughs] Perfect!

Ah...

♪ It's the perfect storm ♪

man: Yeah!

And then, it's like...

♪ It's the pe-pe-pe-pe-perfect storm ♪

[all cheer]

Perfect Storm it is.

[cheering]

It's good, yeah.

Ooh, Chris, that's my a*, man.

[knocking on door]

Oh, sh**t. Let me get that real quick.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Ooh, yeah.

Hey, man.

Allan.

Hey, how's it going?

Hey.

Nice to see you.

I hope we're not too loud or anything.

[scoffs] Not at all. That's why I'm here, man.

I heard the music. I go, "It's the siren song pulling me to your apartment."

Oh, yeah, we just... We get together and we play music and, uh, we actually...

We write title songs for movies...

Mmm-hmm.

...that don't have one.

That is the dorkiest thing I've ever heard... and I love it! Yeah! [chuckles]

Oh.

You care if I pop in for a second and, you know... do a little... [vocalizes]

Oh. Yeah. No, of course.

Yeah, come on in. Get in here. Get in here.

Yeah.

[chuckling] Get your butt in here.

[indistinct chatter]

[woman laughing]

Hey, everybody.

Hey, guys, this is, uh...

This is Allan.

He lives in the E-2200s with me.

Hey.

all: Hey!

What's up, man?

Uh, I got another part.

Uh...

Is it the "oh"?

[both chuckle]

both: Oh!

[chuckling]

Uh...

♪ Water's lookin' so darky dark ♪
♪ Ridin' on a boat with Marky Mark ♪

[all laugh]

Beth: Oh, cool. I like it.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, so are we thinking food or...

Yeah.

I would eat. Yeah.

Gus: Yeah?

Cori: I like food.

There you are. I was about to fire up the hibachi.

[scoffs] Oh, sorry, Mom.

What, do I gotta put a cowbell around your neck?

[Chris chuckles]

Frank: That beer looks good.

Hey, guys, uh, this is Frank, also.

Allan and Frank...

all: Hey.

...they're our buddies. Yeah, yeah.

[all greeting Frank]

Hey, I'm ready to go. Do you want me to drive?

No, I'll be the designated driver.

I don't need to get sloppy drunk at every party.

Oh, I do. No one in Australia stays sober at a party.

We just drink and sing.

♪ Here's to Bertie She's true blue ♪
♪ She's a piss pot Through and through ♪
♪ She's a bastard So they say ♪
♪ She's gonna go to heaven But she's gone the other way ♪
♪ She's going down, down Down, down, down ♪

Like, you really have to yell it, 'cause it's...

That's when you chug the...

[yelling] Down, down, down!

And then you're... you're drunk.

Cool.

So, do you think, uh, what I'm wearing is appropriate for a housewarming?

Yeah, you look hot.

This is not gonna be some kind of stuffy sit-down dinner.

Shaun is great.

At every single party in our 20s, she flashed her tits at some point.

I'm assuming she has great tits.

Legendary. But she has a kid now, so I don't know what kind of condition they're in.

I was never a big titty flasher.

Oh. I went through a brief phase of that at college.

Pretty much never had a top on.

Hmm.

Should I invite that guy, Gus?

Why, you like him?

No, but I feel like he'd be fun at a party.

Well, I'm excited to meet some new people.

I feel like I've been hanging on you too much.

Like, maybe I've been suffocating you?

No, not at all.

{an8}But we should get you some new friends so that doesn't happen.

I definitely, at least, need to meet a guy.

I haven't had sex in over a week.

Really?

[phone chimes]

Yeah.

♪ Based on a book By Sebastian Junger ♪
♪ The storm is voracious And it has a hunger ♪
♪ Hey, Clooney Stop your hollerin' and hootin' ♪
♪ And say goodbye to Amal ♪

all: ♪ Alamuddin ♪
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the pe-pe-pe-pe-perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪

You're a dead man, Clooney!

♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe Perfect ♪
♪ Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe Perfect ♪
♪ Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe Perfect storm ♪
♪ I said you gotta watch that thunder ♪

[cell phone vibrating]

♪ Oh, it's coming from down under ♪
♪ Thunder and lightning ♪
♪ Lightning is frightening ♪

Gus: sh*t. Guys, can we...

I'm sorry. Can we stop... Can we just stop the...

[thuds]

Sorry. I'm sorry, guys. Uh...

You know that girl who's, like, been, uh, talking to me and I don't understand why?

[man chuckles]

She just invited me to this, like, party thing.

Right now?

Yeah.

Whoa, are you gonna go?

I don't know. Should I? Should I go?

Yes. You like her, right?

Yeah, I mean, I... [stutters]

I like her. It's just, um...

Beth: All right.

It's gonna be great. This is gonna be...

Everybody's gonna be drinking, there'll be booze.

Everyone'll be loose. It's good.

I gotta say, I'm actually, uh...

I'm feelin' pretty good, you know?

She invited me to this party.

There's at least some chance that we could be making out tonight.

You want me to go the party with you? Be your wingman?

Aw, you gotta shave that beard before you're a wingman, dude.

Are you kidding me? This guy is the best f*cking wingman alive.

This whole Dumbledore thing gets him a ton of trim.

[laughs] Don't say "trim."

Strange.

No.

Squishy Hall.

Sliz.

Ew!

Clam shell.

Minge.

Baby bakery.

Just say "vag*na."

Vajudge.

Vagilli.

You know what? I think I'm gonna go by myself.

Right on.

That's cool.

[chuckles] Have fun, man.

All right.

Randy: Get the f*ck out of here.

Okay, I hear you, I hear you.

Go.

Traitor!

Gus: Thanks, guys.

[all talking at once]

Allan: See you, Gus.

[theme music playing]

[soft beep]

Shaun: Did you hose off the patio furniture?

Brian: Jesus f*cking Christ. I'll do it now.

Shaun: I asked you to do it this morning.

Why didn't you just do it then...

Hello?

...like I asked, instead of making me stressed out now?

Brian: Because I'm the one that went to Whole Foods.

Shaun: Okay, congratulations.

Daddy went to f*cking Whole Foods.

Wow. You want a f*cking prize?

Yes.

There's still bird sh*t all over the f*cking patio chairs.

You want our friends to sit in them all night?

Yes, they love bird sh*t.

f*ck. Oh, come on.

Hey. Hello...

Hi. Hello.

Shaun: Hi. Hi.

I'm Gus.

Who is this?

I'm... I'm a friend of Mickey's.

She invited me to the...

[inhales] party.

I think I'm just here a little too early, right now, so...

How many people did Mickey invite?

This isn't the kind of thing she can just invite a million people to.

You know what, I... I'm cool just to wait outside until the party gets going, and then I'll get back in here.

No, man, I'm sorry. I mean, this was just a bad time.

Come in.

Let me get you a drink.

I'll get him a drink.

You go hose off the patio furniture.

You know what? I can hose off the patio furniture.

Perfect. That's perfect.

Oh, thank you.

You're so sweet.

You are like a little angel.

Okay.

Brian: Come on, Russ.

Shaun: Thank you.

[grunts] Did you get it?

Yeah.

[scoffs] Do you ever get these?

Oh, yeah.

[groans] They just keep coming. I'm like The Fly.

Like a sweet Australian fly.

[rock music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

Really?

Yeah.

I'd love to hear a dubstep from Kurt.

[sighs]

Yes.

Uh, Shaun?

Hey.

Sorry to interrupt.

Um, I was actually wondering about Mickey.

Is she, like, usually a late person or...

Um, like, she's normally either late or she doesn't show up at all.

So she's probably not gonna come, 'cause she hasn't come to the last three things that I've had.

Okay. Well, I think I might just wait around here for a little while longer.

Got a... got a pretty good feeling she's on her way.

[groans]

So she should be here any moment.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

[pop music playing]

[machine whirring]

It's a Band-Aid.

That'll heal all your wounds, inside and out.

Len: Oh, thanks. It's beautiful.

[woman chuckles]

Hey, man.

Hey, I'm Len.

You wanna come and tattoo something on me?

Oh. No, I don't.

You really want me to?

It's my way of connecting with people.

My tattoos represent where I've been, who I've met.

Come on in. Give it a try.

Oh.

You know what? That's actually, uh...

It's pretty cool. I like that.

Len: All right, let's do it.

Okay.

[Shaun gasps] Mickey!

Mickey: Oh, my God.

[exclaims]

Look at you. You look so hot.

You're like a f*cking hot mama.

Thank you.

Oh. This is my roommate, Bertie.

Hi. Thanks so much for inviting me. Your house is gorgeous.

Um, I love your accent. Where are you from?

Oh, she's from Australia, and yes, she has hugged a koala.

It's the first thing I asked her.

Is there anywhere I may get a drink?

Yes, there's a bar set up in the kitchen...

Alcohol!

[both laugh]

I'm just joking.

But I do really need a drink. Nice to meet you.

Aw.

I really like her.

She's cute.

She's super cute.

This is like a full-on grown-up's house.

I know. It's super weird, right?

No, it's great. I'm so proud of you.

You've come such a long way from that one-bedroom in North Hollywood.

You remember those creepy guys next door who always tried to give us massages?

Oh, God. They were the worst.

Mmm. Did I blow one of them?

You definitely did.

Oh! Some guy you invited is here.

Oh, yeah, Gus.

Yeah. Um, he was the first one here and Brian made him clean off all of our patio furniture.

Aw.

Is he your boyfriend?

No. God, no.

I just thought he'd be, like, fun at the party.

Uh, yeah. Well, so far he's not.

[dance music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[whirring]

All right. All done.

Done?

All done, yeah.

What do you think, huh?

What's a sarcoma?

Oh, you don't know? Kind of ruins the joke.

Uh, sarcoma's like a form of cancer.

Cancer?

What? No.

Not like cancer-cancer.

It's, like, malignant tumors, usually, like bone or muscle, or fat...

That's f*cking worse than cancer.

What are you, a f*cking idiot?

No. You told me...

Are you f*cking stupid?

You put... you put f*cking cancer on my back?

You... Not cancer...

I should throw you through the f*cking window.

How about you get the f*ck away from me?

Len, you said do my personality...

Get away from me.

...and that's my personality.

Get...

I'm a goofball, okay?

You need to get the f*ck away from me.

Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Get the f*ck away from me.

Okay, you said...

Well, don't tell somebody to write anything if you don't mean it.

Cancer?

Great. Yeah, it's on Little Santa Monica...

woman: Cool.

...in Beverly Hills.

Mickey?

Hey.

Hmm. Gussy!

How's it going?

[chuckles] How are you?

Good. I'm good.

Oh, I'm so glad you showed.

Yeah, it's good. It should be a fun party. Huh?

It's a Shaun party. It's gonna be awesome.

Oh, definitely. We're gonna have a blast. Yeah.

Have you been here long?

No. No, not too long.

Really? She said you were the first one here.

[clicks tongue] She did?

Oh, I ought to wring her neck.

[both chuckle]

Uh, no. Yeah, I was just, uh...

I think I got the time wrong. I don't know.

I said 7:00.

Right. Well, I guess, uh, I thought you said 6:42.

So, in my mind, I was, like, totally, fashionably late.

Can I get you a drink?

[smacks lips] I would... Yeah, I'd love a drink.

You wanna go get one? Cool.

Yeah, sure.

Oh, my God. Is that Dustin?

That's my ex-boyfriend. f*ck.

I gotta go say hi to him. I'll be right back.

Okay. Do what you have to do.

And, uh...

[inhales deeply]

[muttering] sh*t. sh*t. f*ck.

Hey, Cori. How's everything going over there?

Good. It's just me and Chris.

Uh, just cleanin' up.

How is the party?

Uh, it's kind of weird.

Everybody here at this party looks like a grown-up version of that movie Kids.

Plus, Mickey showed up late and then she, like, blew me off to go talk to an ex.

And it's like, I just feel... [inhales sharply] really stupid right now.

[whispers] See if he has bread?

Like, why did I come?

Like, why did I sh**t my mouth off to everybody, like I was gonna make out with her?

That's so f*cking stupid.

No one thought you guys were actually gonna make out, anyway, right?

[groans] It's just like... I feel like...

I feel like she's sick of me already or something, you know?

It's like, this happens all the time.

It's like, I meet somebody, and then they like me initially, and then I just, like, f*ck it up and they get tired of me or something, you know?

It's like, you know, you're, like, my only friend, who, like, grew into liking me, seriously.

That's not true.

Okay, that's true.

But you were like... When I met you, you were like...

You were like... [imitates Gus] "Hi, I'm Gus.

What's your major?" [groans]

I didn't say that all the time.

Yeah, you did.

You always said that, and everyone called you Major Gus behind your back.

I thought you called me Major Gus, like, you know...

Like, in a David Bowie, Major Tom way, like, "Ground control to Major Gus" sort of thing.

No.

[knocking on door]

Uh. Sorry, occupied.

Are you in the bathroom?

No. Yeah. What?

[sighs] I think I'm just gonna go home.

It was, like, a huge mistake coming here.

Don't go home.

You went all the way there to talk to her, so why don't you f*cking talk to her?

Why don't you be a man?

Just be a man. You're a man, aren't you?

Okay. Yeah. All right.

Bye, Cori.

Bye.

[sighs]

[inhales deeply] You can do this, Gus.

You're the man.

You're... like a man.

You're close to being a man.

[breathes deeply]

[whispering] f*ck you, you piece of sh*t.

Hey.

Um... that smell was in here before I got in here.

Yeah, you're the man.

You heard me?

f*ck you.

Dustino.

Hey.

Hey, no, where are you going?

I haven't seen you in forever. Let's hang out.

Why would I wanna do that?

I don't see you for years and suddenly everything is just cool?

What's the problem? We said we were gonna be friends.

Is that how you remember it?

You were awful to me.

No, I wasn't.

You stole my laptop.

Had my family photos on it. I didn't have those backed up.

Are you crazy? I never stole your laptop.

My couch has cigarette burns all over it because of you.

You could've b*rned down my house.

I have dogs! Did that ever occur to you?

[whispering] Okay. Okay.

But who cares? It was years ago.

You destroy everything that you touch.

I've spent thousands of dollars on therapy because of you.

Okay. Well, yeah, you did sh*t to me, too.

It's called being in a relationship.

[chuckles] I didn't cheat on you. You cheated on me, though, right?

With Atwater Carl. Big surprise.

You f*cking crazy?

Carl was my best guy friend, and you couldn't handle that, so you're making up all this bullshit.

[stutters] Can you tell the truth, one time, for once? Please?

I am. I am. I swear on my life.

I swear on f*cking Shaun's baby's life that I did not cheat on you with Carl.

And you know what?

I was really looking forward to seeing you for one second until you started with all this bullshit.

Oh, my God. Just... Whatever. f*ck off.

[speaking indistinctly]

Hey.

Hey.

You're that guy that tattooed Len right after me, huh?

I did, I did. Did you see that?

What happened? Why'd he flip out?

He had a mole on his back and I tattooed "sarcoma" next to it.

[chuckles] That's amazing.

He didn't like that, yeah.

Oh, man. That dude needs to lighten the f*ck up, right?

I mean, he's got a piece of pizza tattooed on his chest.

I know, right? It's like, "Chill out, dude."

[both chuckle]

What about you? You got any tattoos?

I do. Just this little guy.

Oh. Right there.

Yeah, what is that? A moon, stars?

Something like that.

Yeah.

Get some horseshoes, clovers, you got all the Lucky Charms, right?

[mouths laughter]

Oh, yeah.

You've probably heard that, like, five billion times, yeah?

How about you? You have any?

Tattoos? Uh, no.

I'm not really, uh, the kind of guy who could pull off a tattoo, you know?

Like earrings, ball caps, tattoos.

You could pull it off.

None of that.

You could pull off some tats...

Like, just some sleeves.

Oh, some sleeves over here.

Or, like, just, like, "f*ck" across your throat.

Oh. Yeah, maybe.

[chuckles]

Maybe, I'll, uh...

I could get one of those, like, teardrop tattoos for every person I've k*lled.

That'd be good. [laughs]

And I've k*lled a lot.

So, I'd have, like, 12 teardrops on my cheek.

Or, like, a little swastika or something on your...

Maybe. What?

Oh! [gasps]

What?

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

Why? Do you think I'm Jewish?

Every... That's okay, everybody thinks I'm Jewish.

I'm not, so I don't care.

No way.

Yeah.

I mean, I do care.

I'm a non-Jewish person who cares about swastikas.

Why don't I go grab a drink and think up some cooler tattoo ideas?

Some non-swastika tattoos.

[chuckles]

Yeah, that'd be good.

And come find you.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll see you in a bit.

Okay.

Good. See you around.

Hey.

Hey.

Is this cool? Sorry.

You play?

Uh, not well. No.

Me, neither.

[smacks lips] Actually, I'm pretty good.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Where's my f*cking amp?

I mean, at Jeffrey and my record label alone...

I mean, we've had, like, what, four bosses in the past five years?

Yeah.

Four? That must be so confusing. How do you guys keep track of them?

Um... [smacks lips] This is bullshit.

Why are we talking about this?

No, it's not.

It think it's kind of fascinating from a sociological standpoint.

Jeffrey: Really?

Yeah, okay. What do you do?

I work in, uh, focus group research.

I moderate focus groups.

Jeffrey: That's awesome.

Oh, for, like, movies or...

Yeah, uh, sometimes for movies, mainly for food.

[chuckles] Okay, so you get, like, people to tell you, like, what chips are the crunchiest?

Yes, very perceptive, Jeffrey.

Give us your spiel. Let's see this.

Oh, okay, uh...

I'd bring everyone into the room with all the brands, but then I would turn the labels away from you so you're not prejudiced.

Jeffrey: Sure.

And then I'd be like, "So, okay, which tequila tastes best?"

First, try number one.

Drink.

Okay.

All right, we're doing this, I guess.

Now try number two.

Jeffrey: Mmm.

It's... It's one. It's so clear.

Yeah, I'm one as well.

Mmm-hmm.

Now let's try number three.

Cheers!

Cheers.

[Bertie exhales]

Um, it's one. I have to stay loyal.

No. No, it's three for me.

Three? I love it.

So then I'd ask you some follow-up questions about how three makes you feel.

So, like, does, uh, three make you feel like you might do something you might regret later on?

Like, something you wouldn't normally do in a party full of people with just someone, maybe, who you just met?

Jeffrey: Uh-huh.

Yeah, I think I might.

I think I might do something crazy tonight.

That's great.

Jeffrey: Yeah.

[band playing rock music]

man: Whoo!

♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet! ♪
♪ I can almost remember Their funny faces ♪
♪ That time you told me That you were going to be marrying soon ♪
♪ And Jet ♪
♪ I thought the only lonely place was On the moon ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪

Sounds good.

Thanks.

I didn't even notice you were watchin'.

Uh, I'm gonna grab a smoke. You wanna join?

Uh, you know, we're kind of grooving out here, so maybe in a couple verses?

Totally. Yeah, totally.

Cool.

What?

Cool!

Cool.

♪ And Jet ♪
♪ I thought the major Was a lady suffragette ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Ah, Mater ♪
♪ Want Jet to always love me ♪
♪ Ah, Mater ♪
♪ Want Jet to always love me ♪
♪ Ah, Mater ♪

Eric: Hey, Micks?

Jesus f*cking Christ. You're here?

This party is like The Christmas Carol. Every guy I've ever dated is here.

[chuckles] That's probably why it's so crowded.

I'm kidding.

What are you doing here? Did Shaun invite you?

No, she Instagrammed a picture of it, and I saw you in the background.

And, uh, I wanted to talk to you, so...

Save your breath, I'm not joining Bliss House.

I'm over that nonsense, all right? That's... that's done.

That was...

That was me trying to fill this God-sized hole that I had.

But then I realized it's not God.

It was... It's a Mickey-sized hole.

Oh, brother.

How long is this f*cking jam session gonna go on? [sighs]

Eric: You know, I'm sober.

Quit drinking. I stopped.

Good for you, okay? Bye.

All right, okay, wait.

What?

What about you?

You're not sober.

I'm in AA.

You're drinking wine straight out of the bottle right now.

You know what? I'm on my own path.

You worry about your journey, I'll worry about mine.

[sighs] Okay, uh... I just...

I want to make love to you sober.

What?

I love you, and I miss you.

[sighs] And I'm doing this for us. I'm doing this for you.

You're doing this for me?

You don't even f*cking know me.

You just wanna f*ck me and then go to your mom's house.

[groans] You know what? You're this...

Oh, you're this cute, pixie, little nice woman, but you know what?

You're a f*cking bitch.

Here's an idea. Why don't you go f*ck yourself?

Hmm?

Dustin: Hey, Mickey. Guess what?

Atwater Carl confirms.

We f*cked! What are you talk... We f*cked, like, three times.

God, all right.

You know we did, Mick.

By the way, you look super-hot.

f*ck you, Carl.

What's the matter?

f*ck you!

He's telling the truth.

Go away!

Go away!

What's going on here?

Are we, uh, destroying another soul?

Get the f*ck out of here.

Why are you talking to this whore?

Don't call her a whore.

I love her.

Hey, buddy, I don't know you, okay?

But I guarantee you she's cheated on you.

What's your f*ckin' problem?

What's my f*ckin' problem? She is my f*ckin' problem.

Well, you're my f*cking problem now, dude.

So would you recommend this tequila, or would you highly...

Highly recommend this tequila. Yeah.

And, like, if an orgy were to break out, would you like for that to be a large-sized orgy or like, just like, a nice, mid-sized orgy?

Jeffrey: Nice, mid-sized. Yeah.

You're really cute when you're drunk, you know?

Obviously, I've never seen you not drunk, but...

You're pretty cute, too.

man: I'm sorry. What's going on?

Are you pretending to be straight?

Because you weren't pretending to be straight last night.

Oh, my God.

[stutters] What's happening?

Oh, my God. f*ck you, Daniel.

You know, sexuality's a spectrum, okay?

And we're not a couple. So...

And you're here.

I'm outta here. f*ck you, man.

Where's he going?

[sighs] f*ck.

Sorry.

I don't mind that he has sex with boys.

Mmm, I don't mind, either.

f*ck you.

I'm trying to f*cking help you.

Dude!

[stuttering] Dude, stop it!

f*cking help me.

You guys are acting like idiots.

Just f*cking... Just admit it, Mickey.

Okay, fine!

I f*cked around on you. But guess what?

There are bigger deals than cheating on your boyfriend when you're 28 years old!

You know what troubles me?

Is that you swore on a baby's life that you were telling the truth.

I told you she's a f*cking whore!

I told you not to call her that!

Fine, punch each other. I don't give a f*ck.

[grunts]

Oh, sh*t!

[groans] It's like his thumb went right in my eye.

I didn't think that was gonna happen.

If anything, I thought you were gonna b*at the sh*t out of him.

And thank you for defending my honor.

I am the one that called you a whore!

You know what? f*ck you, and f*ck you, too.

I can't believe I f*cked either one of you.

[indistinct chatter]

♪ It's another weight I made ♪
♪ I lifted that weight ♪

God.

♪ To the sky ♪
♪ I ♪

Boo!

Brian: Not again.

You suck.

Boo!

Mickey, maybe we should head home now.

No. This... We need to be f*ckin' wild and free, right, guys?

Don't you remember?

The night... the night that f*ckin' Elliott Smith d*ed, Shaun and I did cr*ck and then we went and we banged on everybody's doors and told them about it.

That was a f*ckin' night.

Come on! What the f*ck? You're sitting on the floor.

Let's go in there in the pool. Let's go f*cking christen the pool.

Let's do it! f*ck!

Christen the pool!

Come on! Alexis, get in the pool.

I can't. I have my phone on me.

Get in the f*ckin' pool.

Hey, not a great idea.

It's cold out and the pool's not heated yet.

What? Who cares?

We once pissed in your mouth in Palm Springs because Shaun and I dared you.

Can you please stop bringing that up?

By this time of night, we'd all be hookin' up with each other.

The least we can do is get in the pool.

Like, come on. Let's make sh*t happen.

f*ck the police!

Mickey: Yes!

[crowd cheering]

Yes! Dude, it is on!

Shaun, get your tits out.

Please don't.

Whoo!

[woman squeals]

[woman screams]

man: Whoa!

[grunts]

We're not dead yet, f*ckers!

[all gasping]

sh*t.

[groaning]

I can't... breathe!

It's okay.

It's okay.

[grunts]

It's all right.

[groaning]

It's... like...

It's all right.

Mickey gasping: It's like somebody body-slammed my stomach.

[gasping] Oh, my God.

It's okay.

[sighing] Okay.

It's getting better.

Gus: Yeah, see? Everything's okay.

[grunts]

[chuckles] I just... I just wanted to have fun.

Aw. And you did have fun.

You just got, um, you know... super injured.

[sighs heavily]

[door opening]

Bertie: Are you all right?

[sighs] You really smashed into the water.

Yeah. Aw.

I'll take care of you.

Hi, Gus.

Hey, Bertie.

[smacks lips]

You guys are like my parents, but... nicer.

[chuckles]

Hey, you know what?

You are the nicest, sweetest, most caring people I know.

You guys should go on a date.

[gasps] You would make such a good couple.

Bertie: Mmm...

Gus: Uh...

[hip-hop music playing]