01x06 - The Legend of El Explosivo

[bunniefuu]

Kimmy, what is all this stuff?

The greatest shopping experience of my life.

It's called the 89 Cents store and guess what?

Everything's 89 cents?

It's awesome. I'm never going back to that snooty 99 Cents store.

[doorbell rings]

I got it! That's the dance team.

I bought some cookies for you guys.

Mom, you couldn't get the real thing?

Once they're on the platter, your friends will never know the difference.

You just can't eat them near an open flame.

Hey, guys!

Hi, Mom. Going to study. Bye, Mom.

Hold on. It's 90 degrees out and you have a jacket on.

And that's not even your jacket. What's going on?

You're always so suspicious!

Can't I just be wearing my friend's jacket 'cause it's National Jacket Swapping Day?

What are you up to?

[gasps] Jackson, you're all banged up.

What happened?

Oh, nothing.

Max, what happened?

He skateboarded off Bobby Popko's tool shed and wiped out.

Max!

Sorry.

Here's your "don't tell Mom" Jolly Ranchers back.

Okay, have a seat.

You know what, you guys?

Every time you're at that Bobby Popko's house, something bad happens.

Aren't his parents around?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course.

They're very responsible people.

Max?

They're never home.

Here's your Skittles.

Until I talk to his parents, you are not allowed at the Popkos'.

What? That's bogus!

Yeah, that's bogus! Can I have the Skittles back?

Boys, who's your favorite aunt? No need to answer. I know it's me.

Okay, I am deejaying at Lucha Kaboom and I got us all tickets.

Wow! That's amazing!

Max: Oh, my gosh!

I get to go to Lucha Kaboom?

What's Lucha Kaboom?

It's Mexican wrestling. It's got crazy outfits, crazy stunts and crazy chickens.

And guess who's headlining? King Jaguarito.

Oh, my gosh!

That is so cool!

Who's King Dorito?

Mom, he's not a corn chip.

He's king of the jaguars and he's my favorite wrestler!

Oh. Well, as a veterinarian, I am always in favor of raising awareness for endangered jungle cats.

Yeah, 'cause that's what wrestling is all about.

[pop music playing]

Great!

Good job!

Snack break! I have some classic authentic Oreos.

Oh. Hang on.

[blows]

That's a precaution I would take with any cookie.

Enjoy.

Don't do it! There ain't no cookie in those cookies.

Great news! Your uniforms came in! Check out the logo on the front!

[gasps] That looks awesome!

And the team sponsor on the back.

[girls groan]

I know. They made it smaller than I wanted.

Guys, we need a big finish. We've gotta find something no one's ever seen before.

This is your lucky day.

I'm gonna share with you my guaranteed big-finish showstopper.

Mom, that's really not necessary.

Yes, it is.

I present to you the Gibbler gallop.

Five, six, seven, eight and sparkle. Sparkle!

And gallop and gallop.

[whoops]

Now spank.

[neighs like a horse]

[shrieks]

I understand, it looks impossible to master.

However, two or three hours of practice, and you'll be doing this in your sleep.

That's where nightmares belong.

Come on, girls. Giddyup. Ready?

Five, six, seven, eight and sparkle. Yes, sparkle.

And giddyup! Come on! Yeah! That's it!

More energy, Ramona! Come on! Whoo!

D.J., you have got to see this.

This kid put his history report on a flash drive and his wiener dog swallowed it.

So it finally happened. A dog actually ate a kid's homework.

[laughs]

What are you doing?

I'm installing an app to keep track of Jackson.

You're stalking your kid?

No, don't be ridiculous.

I'm just watching what he does all the time without his knowledge.

So you're stalking your kid?

Look, Jackson's in this crazy Jackass phase.

He and his bad-news buddy Bobby Popko, like that name doesn't have trouble written all over it, they're always doing stupid stuff.

Here, look at Jackson on Popko's YouTube channel.

Bobby: Do it, dude.

[Jackson yells]

Yeah, man! Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

That's awesome.

No, dumb and dangerous!

Come on, D.J. You have three boys. You better get used to it.

I mean, this is what guys do. We're idiots.

You don't have kids. You don't know what it's like to be a mom.

And you don't know what it's like to be a boy, so there.

[phone beeping]

Oh!

Look! Jackson just showed up at Popko's house and he knows he's not allowed.

I'm going down there.

Now you're gonna embarrass the poor kid in front of his friends?

No, I'm gonna show up unannounced, drag him out by his ear and make him walk home while I drive behind him.

[laughs] You're looking good, Max.

We'd better run our safety tests.

Did it hurt?

Max: Not a bit.

Safety test is a go!

Lay down on this target, kid.

Do it, dude!

Prepare to be El Explosivo-ed!

[Jackson yells]

[kids shouting]

boy: Oh, my Gosh!

Jackson!

Hi, Mom!

That better not be your brother.

Hi, Mom.

Max, are you okay?

I'm fantastic!

You boys know you're not supposed to be here.

Jackson said you gave us permission.

And now you lied?

In my defense, how did you even know I was here?

Dude, your mom's a vet. She must have dog-chipped you.

I did not dog-chip him. I used mother's intuition.

Which is the name of the app I used to track you.

You can forget about going to Lucha Kaboom.

What?

And where are your parents?

My mom just stepped out. She'll be back the minute you leave.

I'm on to you, Popko.

Let's go, boys.

Mom!

Mom, a little help, please!

[pop music playing]

Great!

That was so good!

Thank you for sparing us from the Gibbler gallop.

Rihanna and I worked these moves out in a club in Lisbon, whereas the Gibbler gallop was developed in a barn.

Excuse me. Why are you sneaking a rehearsal in your bedroom?

Um, Stephanie was just helping us make the moves a little... cooler.

Cooler, huh? Hey... You want cool moves?

Put your parkas on 'cause here comes the Running Man.

And the Carlton.

Stop! Hammer time!

Kimmy... Kim...

Let's face it, okay? You're stuck in the '90s.

The '90s? As if!

My moves are all that and a bag of chips, so talk to the hand, loser!

Oh, snap! You go, girl! I think I just did!

Well, we have some great news here in the present.

I talked to the promoter and how would you girls like to do a little in-between match performance at Lucha Kaboom?

That would be great!

Awesome!

Hey!

I didn't see the Gibbler gallop in that routine, so I have to say, "Whoa!"

Mom, you are so good at... driving us around and getting us snacks that we've decided to make you president of that.

Congratulations!

And we're making Stephanie Vice President of Hot Dance Moves.

[gasps] Oh!

I humbly accept the position.

If that's how you all feel, I'll just step aside.

But for the record, I am not stuck in the '90s.

This is all '80s, baby.

Look at you, doing the Gibbler gallop!

Yeah! And sparkle, and sparkle!

And gallop, and gallop and smack, smack.

There you are!

Hi! Grandma and Grandpa Fuller are so excited to babysit you.

Here you go, Mom. Coffee with a hint of almond milk, just the way you like it.

Jackson, thank you for the coffee and for doing the dishes.

And for breakfast in bed.

But you're still not going.

Well, that's perfect! You know, I don't even wanna go.

It sounds boring. How's that for reverse psychology?

A little tip: when you're using reverse psychology, don't say you're using it.

How am I to know? I'm not a reverse psychologist!

Coach, we're all so excited to go to Lucha Kaboom.

We never could have done it without you.

You're welcome.

Aw... Yes, Stephanie, you're so wonderful.

[chuckles]

Are you still mad about the dance thing?

Don't be silly!

Max: Check this out!

Aunt Stephanie got me an official King Jaguarito costume!

You're the best!

"Look at me! I'm Aunt Stephanie! I can do everything! Everyone loves me. I have big boobs."

Okay, not that this isn't a wonderful topic, but...

Max, you look so jungly.

Well, Jackson and I added the skull and some fake blood to the king's bone.

Some of the blood's real. I cut myself opening the fake-blood packaging.

Oh. Boo-hoo.

Let's go.

I got the keys and the snacks because apparently that's all I'm good for.

Goodbye, everybody. I hope you don't have a good time.

Don't worry, when I get home I'll tell you about every unbelievable, unforgettable, super-cool moment!

That didn't cheer you up, did it?

Come on, Max. Sorry, Jackson.

[dance music playing]

Buenos días and welcome to Lucha Kaboom!

[crowd shrieking]

The only Mexican wrestling league that is too dangerous for Mexico itself.

Now, please welcome Los Pollos Locos!

[crowd cheering]

Holy chalupas! This is the greatest day of my life!

Okay, team, you guys go on in two minutes.

Where's Sara?

She just texted.

Sara ate some bad pollo and her butt went loco.

But our dance needs four people.

Stephanie, you know all the moves. Will you please do it?

Look, as your coach, I have to advise you to get the best dancer available and she's sitting right next to you.

Well, well, well.

Look who comes crawling back to Kimmy Gibbler.

I'm in!

I know what you're thinking. I swear I did not poison Sara.

Okay. Come on. Let's go.

It's time for the King Jaguarito costume contest.

The winner will be selected by King Jaguarito himself!

And here he comes!

[crowd cheering]

The greatest luchador in luchador history.

[D.J. whoops]

[crowd booing]

[crowd booing]

[crowd cheering]

announcer: We have a winner, King Jaguarito-ito!

Congratulations, Mini-Me.

Max: You're my hero. You're little like me, but you're a champion.

Don't judge me by my size.

Judge me by the size of the heart I rip from my opponent's chest.

Max: That's beautiful.

I would be honored to have you pound someone senseless with my club.

I'll take it! I love how you pimped out my club.

I gotta get a picture!

[camera clicking]

Okay, let's go to our seat.

Lady, wrong little person.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome our special guests, the Van Atta Middle School dance team!

[crowd cheering]

Sponsored by Gibbler Style Party Planning! $5 off your next quinceañera.

[pop music playing]

[crowd cheering]

[whoops]

[howls]

You guys wanna see more?

[crowd cheering]

But we don't have any more.

Oh, yes, we do. Right, Mom?

Give me a back b*at and put some stank on it!

[pop music playing]

Kimmy: Now spank!

Okay, let's review the Popko plan.

Put on the mask and sneak into the wrestling match.

And I leave my phone here because my mom tracks me.

As if I can't be trusted!

Here's the genius part.

I strapped the phone to the dog's collar, so your mom will think you're moving around.

Why don't you hold it and move around?

Do you wanna tell him he's not part of the plan?

Okay, the dog's in.

Now go!

And now to take on Los Pollos Locos, give it up for your heroes, Los Calaveras!

[crowd cheering]

These chickens are mucho sneaky!

Boo! No!

Wait, I'm confused. I thought we liked the crazy chickens.

No, not anymore. Now we love Los Calaveras.

But they're skeletons!

They're good skeletons, guitar-playing skeletons in shiny suits.

Why is this so hard for you?

All I know is Jackson would have loved this.

[crowd booing]

Oh! Did you see what that chicken did? Boo, chicken!

Deej, I think Jackson's learned his lesson.

Cut him some slack and get him down here.

You're right. I'm gonna call him.

[crowd whooping]

[phone ringing]

Do not answer that.

[crowd booing]

[yells]

These chickens are bad eggs!

I mean, that is very foul play!

Look. Help is on the way!

Your hero King Jaguarito is here to save the day.

Oh! The king El Explosivo hit 'em right in the chicken tenders.

But what is this?

[crowd groaning]

Oh, the king is in trouble.

He's taking a vicious chicken-lickin'.

He's being pounded and deboned.

That's Max's club. Max, what are you doing in there?

[crowd booing]

Oh. Who is this young Jaguarito wannabe?

He seems to have no wrestling skills whatsoever!

Oh, boy! They are about to perform the ultimate humiliation!

The unmasking!

Jackson?

Max?

Jackson's not picking up. Something's wrong.

Yeah, he's getting his butt kicked by some crazy chickens.

Hang on, Jackson! Momma's comin'!

Take your hands off my son, you damn dirty chickens!

announcer: An unknown wrestler has just entered the ring!

Who is this brave señorita with a death wish?

There is a foxy lady in the hen house.

[crowd cheering]

Nice! Go, Mom!

[announcer groans]

Get 'em, Mom!

announcer: Right in the Chicken McNuggets.

Dios mío, look at her go.

She's whipping up a chopped chicken salad out there.

[crowd whooping]

This has never been attempted!

They're going for a double El Explosivo!

[crowd cheering]

Oh! They did it!

Ladies and gentlemen, you've just witnessed Lucha Kaboom history.

[crowd whooping]

[crowd cheering]

It's a double pin for the win.

[crowd cheering]

Our winners are King Jaguarito and...

What do you call yourself, brave señorita?

Just a mom who loves her son.

Mamacita del Amor!

[crowd cheering]

Come on in. We need to talk. Then I need a hot bath.

Mom, you went nuts in there.

How do you know all of those moves?

I don't know.

Once I saw you were in trouble, my momma bear instincts just kicked in.

After that, it was a blur, just a bunch of feathers and then someone offered me a one-year contract to be Mamacita del Amor.

Ah! You should totally do it.

Mexican wrestling doesn't pay as much as you'd think.

Let's talk about you.

I know. I shouldn't have snuck out.

I'm very sorry.

Okay, good talk. Let's hug it out.

Uh...

Nice try. There are gonna be consequences.

I just don't understand.

You've been lying.

You've been getting hurt sneaking out, doing these crazy stunts.

What's been going on with you lately?

[sighs] I'm just trying to have fun.

Why do you have to be so tough on me all the time?

Maybe it's because you're so much like your dad.

What's wrong with that?

Dad was awesome and he did risky stuff every day.

Well, he was a fireman and that was part of his job.

But you're just being reckless.

And I just love you so much. I never want anything bad to happen to you.

I get it. I'll try to be a little more careful.

A lot more careful.

And I'll try to be a little less overprotective.

A lot less overprotective.

We'll start with a little. Bring in the hug.

[winces] Oh! Careful! I caught a chicken wing to the neck.

Oh, hey. And do me a favor.

Stay away from that Popko kid. There's something not right with him.

Mom, he's my best friend. He's my Kimmy Gibbler.

That drought thing is such a scam.

I just took a 90-minute shower.