01x10 - A Giant Leap

[bunniefuu]

Okay, Cosmo.

Shake.

Good boy!

See how easy it is?

Tommy, shake.

Good boy!

Max, what are you up to?

Training Tommy to do tricks.

Why does his breath smell like Pup-Peroni?

Because he wouldn't eat the Snausages.

[doorbell ringing]

[chattering]

I got that. I got it.

[commotion]

Look, I just started dating this guy.

Everybody, just please act normal.

But it's Hunter Pence. He's my favorite San Francisco Giant.

The man's won two World Series.

Just don't embarrass me, okay?

[all mutter in agreement]

Hi!

Hi!

[commotion]

Cheese!

Hunter, I apologize. This is my family not embarrassing me.

I don't know what all the fuss is about. I'm just a regular guy.

I put on my uniform two legs at a time.

Don't you mean one leg at a time?

No. I stand on my bed and jump right into them.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Underpants.

It's Hunter Pence.

Really?

That's disappointing.

Well, sit. Sit, sit. Oh, it's so nice to have you.

You and Stephanie make the cutest couple.

And Stephanie is the nicest person I've ever met.

How was that?

Except where you asked me how it was, it was great.

It's so awesome your lifetime batting average is .284.

Right, Steph?

Right.

I'm delighted to meet all of you guys.

And you kids, you're so lucky to have Stephanie as your aunt.

Did I get that right, Steph?

Okay, look, I wanted this to go well.

Hunter, I read online that you eat pizza with a fork.

Don't trust anything you read online, except for that!

I've got my special pizza fork right here at all times.

Check that out.

Isn't he the cutest?

I just get lost in those big old crazy eyes.

I only have crazy eyes for you.

Aw...

Well, this is so nice of you to invite us all to the game today.

Oh, here are your tickets.

You don't want to miss Stephanie singing during the Seventh Inning Stretch.

And thanks for hooking this up, but it's a little terrifying.

You said you want a singing career.

I was thinking more an open mic night at a deserted coffee house.

Hey, you're singing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" to people at a ball game.

It's the happiest moment in baseball.

Except for when you take your cup off after a doubleheader.

Don't I know it.

Mr. Hunter Pence, sir.

I have show-and-tell on Monday.

Could you please hit me a foul ball?

I'm in a bit of a slump right now, so I can't promise you anything.

But I will give it my best sh*t. How about that?

Yeah.

You know, I'm starting to think your slump is my fault.

You haven't got a hit since we've dated.

Oh, my gosh!

You're the mystery blonde.

You're the jinx. Oh, it's all over the Internet.

[clamoring]

You're the jinx?

Hey, guys.

It's not Stephanie's fault. I'm the one swinging the bat.

Speaking of swinging the bat, you're a tad late on the fastball.

And dropping your right elbow.

You're swinging at garbage.

I'll let our batting coach know.

You have a batting coach?

Better fire that guy.

Alright, I'll see you later.

Hunter: Alright, see you later.

Hunter Pence! Dude, you are the greatest.

Man, finally, a real fan.

Oh, my God. Oh, hey, man. I played some Little League.

From one All-Star to another, choke up on that bat.

I'll leave the tickets at Will Call next time.

I just came by to pick up my ticket.

Yeah. Here you go, Matt.

We will see you at the seats.

Oh, sweet. Okay, great. I will see all of you guys there.

Bye.

Bye, Matt!

Oh, I forgot, there's one more thing I need to talk to you about.

Wow! Well, I remembered that thing that I need to talk to you about.

[D.J. sighs]

Oh, we were... We were just talking about animal clinic business stuff.

Mom, you like him.

Would it bother you boys if I did?

No. Matt's cool.

I like him.

I'm not your kid, but I like him, too.

Tommy, what do you think?

[adopts child's voice] He's not a three-time All-Star, but he's okay.

Wow, I'm so glad that the kids are cool with Matt. Because he is kind of great.

Have you mentioned this to Steve? He might not think Matt's so great.

[sighs]

I know.

I've been avoiding this for too long.

I'm going to go tell Steve that I'm interested in someone else.

I mean, we haven't dated in 20 years. It'll be fine.

Can you guys tell him for me?

I'll tell him. Sorry, Steve. Mom likes another dude.

So since Lola's coming to the game with us, can you make me look good by laughing when I say something funny?

Sure, if that ever happens.

Come on. This is important to me.

Fine, I'll be your wing girl. Just try to be cool.

J-Money don't try. J-Money is.

[laughs]

What? You told me to laugh if you said something funny... J-Money.

Aw, this was so fun.

This is Cosmo's first walk with his doggy mom.

We should walk our dogs together every morning.

And every night. Hey, let's just move in together.

You know, for the dogs.

Do you have a minute to chat?

I gotta meet friends later, but sure.

Sit.

Good dogs. Good Steve.

You know, I know we've been spending a lot of time together lately.

And it's been great. But I...

Isn't it crazy how fate has brought us back together?

You hear about couples who were each other's first loves and later in life, they find their way back to each other.

Ah, you're such a romantic. That's one of the things I love about you.

What are some other things?

I could be late.

[laughs]

I love that you always make me laugh.

And I love that we're still friends.

I gotta be honest, since we've been hanging out again like this, all these old feelings are coming back.

What about you?

Well, of course I still care about you.

I feel exactly the same way.

Hey, Deej, I wonder if we still have the old chemistry.

Oh, I don't know.

Well, let's find out.

That was our first kiss since high school.

[both chuckle]

I feel like we're back underneath the bleachers again.

Oh, you were pretty fun.

I'm a lot more fun now.

I mean, that kiss... That was really nice. But we could do a whole lot better.

Steve, I can't.

Sure you can. Watch.

Whoa.

She is really letting him down easy.

Yeah, he seems to be taking the bad news pretty well.

Whoa.

Wow.

See, I told you we could do better.

Well, um, I should get going.

Yeah, I guess you should.

Okay. But, um, we will kiss about this later.

Have you seen my dog?

Comet?

Kimmy: Here she comes.

[Kimmy whistles innocently]

Kimmy, you realize there's no coffee in that pot?

Oh. Yeah, I'm cutting back on my caffeine.

You guys saw our little kiss goodbye, huh?

Well, we saw the G-rated peck and then the R-rated full-frontal Frenching.

Well, I was going to tell him about Matt. And then he kissed me.

And I liked it.

But I just kissed Matt two hours ago.

Oh, my gosh. Am I a floozy?

Anyone who uses the word "floozy" cannot be a floozy.

Isn't Matt moving back to Miami in, like, two weeks?

You're right. I mean, long-distance relationships never work.

I should tell Matt we should just be friends.

Well, if it goes as well as it did with Steve, he's a lucky man.

♪ When the giants come to town It's bye, bye, baby ♪
♪ Every time the chips are down It's bye, bye, baby ♪
♪ History's in the making... ♪

[crowd cheering]

D.J.: Hey!

Hey, Steph. Your boy Hunter really came through with some great seats today.

Steph: He's such a doll.

Pardon me. Excuse me.

[groans] Pardon me. Help me, Steph.

[grunts] Ooh, boy, here we go. Yes. Ooh, phew. Hi.

Yeah, oh, security frowns on personal advertising, but Gibbler Style Party Planning doesn't play by the rules.

[chuckles]

The JumboTron's going to love my Fathead.

Kimmy, I'm just curious.

How many ideas did you go through before deciding that this was the best one?

Hey, Mom. Can I get something to eat?

Oh, hey, no. You know what? I got this ticket for free. This is my treat.

Put it on my card.

Aw, thanks, Matt. Anybody want to get a bite with me?

Oh, get me a hot dog.

Mustard on the left, ketchup on the right, relish down the middle.

The mustard and ketchup can't touch.

And my drink should be half root beer and half diet soda, a splash of lemonade.

I call it a Lola-Cola.

Maybe you should just go with him.

Works for me.

[music playing over speakers]

[crowd cheering]

announcer: Now batting for the Giants, right fielder, number eight, Hunter Pence.

[shouts] Go, Pencey, go.

Aw, he cleaned out his ear. It's our secret signal.

Oh, how romantic. A finger full of wax.

I saw that ear thing. You're that mystery blonde, ain't you?

You're the jinx. Boo!

[yells] Boo, Aunt Stephanie!

Why are you booing me?

I'm a Giant's fan. Hello.

Aw, he struck out again.

You'll get him next time, baby.

[shouts] Dump her, Hunter! She's k*lling you, buddy!

So, you want a hat or something?

[gasps] Oh, my gosh!

It's an autographed two-time Cy Young award-winning Tim Lincecum in-game jersey.

He's my favorite pitcher of the modern era.

We'll take it.

Really? Awesome!

You didn't have to do that.

But I'm kind of glad I did.

That will be $247.

Whoa.

No wonder my parents never bought me one. Are you sure about this?

Oh, yes, yes, yes. No problem. Just put it on my card.

Sure thing.

Dr. Harmon?

Dr. Matt Harmon.

There's something I really want to show you.

It's my favorite place in the stadium. Is that okay?

Sure.

That's how you do it.

[crowd cheering]

Ramona, Jackson just texted me.

He and Lola are watching the game from the top deck.

Do they want me to come up?

Um, it didn't say that.

Well, I guess this is the thanks I get for helping Jackson. They ditched me.

Hey, you think you've got problems?

Monday's show-and-tell and I've got bupkis.

[yells] Somebody hit me a foul ball.

Max shouts: Hey, man, not over there. I'm by first base!

Hey, Deej, I have been meaning to talk to you about something.

About me moving back to Miami.

Oh, I've been wanting to talk to you about that, too.

Long-distance relationships are really hard.

Yes, well, the truth is that my family's here, right, and I love this city and I love working at the clinic because there's this cute doctor that works there.

And so I have decided to move to San Francisco permanently.

This San Francisco?

Oh, I thought you'd be a little more excited than that.

No, I am. It's wonderful.

I just thought you were going to Steve. I mean, leave.

But now you're going to Steve... stay.

announcer: Now batting for the Giants, number eight, Hunter Pence.

Hand me a foul ball. But not too hard.

Max, honey, the odds of Hunter hitting a foul ball directly to you are like a billion to one.

Max shouts: He just hit one our way!

D.J. gasps: Oh!

Oh, here it comes.

D.J.: It's coming right at us!

Yes, come to Daddy!

Hey, man, that was my ball.

Better get used to it now, kid, because life's a series of broken dreams and bitter disappointments.

Except today, because I got myself a foul ball.

Hootie-hoo to you.

Hey, buddy.

He's just a kid, man. Don't be a jerk, okay?

Yeah, whatever, pal.

[groans] Ooh, I just sat on my nachos.

Yeah, that's what you get for being a meanie.

Snap.

[crowd groans]

He struck out again.

Thanks to you, Jinxie.

I'm about to go entertain the crowd, okay? You enjoy sitting on your cheese.

Come on, Ramona. Grab a fathead.

Let's give these people what they came here for.

I think they came here to see a game.

They came here for a good time. That's what we'll give them.

I have nothing else to do. I've officially been friend-snatched.

Wow, you were right. This view is amazing.

Yeah. My dad used to bring me up here.

Lola: You can see the city. You can see the bay.

I see my mom's car getting a parking ticket. I told her that wasn't a space.

It's windy.

[chuckles]

Are you cold?

A little.

I'll keep you warm.

Can we take a selfie?

No.

I didn't think so.

This is the perfect spot for maximum Gibbler exposure.

[rock music playing over speakers]

Kimmy: Alright. Are you ready? Here we go. Five, six, seven, eight...

[chants] Party planning, Gibbler Style!

both: Always goes the extra mile!

Is she really your best friend?

Kimmy: Party planning, Gibbler Style!

Ramona: Always leaves you with a smile!

Here comes security.

Kimmy chants: Dakota Fanning, Tatum Channing, they all love my party planning!

Hey, hey, hey, careful with those fatheads.

[shouts] Go, go, Gibbler for all your party planning needs.

announcer: The Giants remind fans to please stay off the dugout.

Kimmy's getting hauled out of here. Do you want to go help her?

Oh, no. This happens to Kimmy all the time.

Oh, get your camera out. Stephanie's about to sing.

announcer: Now it's time for the Seventh Inning Stretch.

So get on your feet and show your San Francisco spirit by joining Stephanie Tanner in the singing of "Take Me Out To the Ballgame."

Take it away, Stephanie.

[music playing over speakers]

[shouts] She's a jinx. Boo!

We love you, Stephanie. Go Steph.

[chants] Jinx, jinx!

This goes out to Hunter Pence...

man: Jinx, jinx!

You may never get a hit again, but you're a hit in my heart.

[crowd booing]

♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪
♪ Take me out to the crowd ♪
♪ Buy me some peanuts and... ♪

[crowd booing]

[shouts] What is wrong with you people? What do you want from me?

Wait, you want me to break up with Hunter Pence?

[crowd cheering]

How rude!

But do you know what?

San Francisco is my city, so if that's what you people want, then for the love of the Giants, I will break up with Hunter Pence right now.

I'm sorry, Hunter. It's over.

Stephanie's broken up with a lot of guys, but this is the first time it'll be on SportsCenter.

[sobs] ♪ 'Cause it's one, two, three... ♪

Oh, Hunter, I just want to look in those crazy eyes one more time.

[shrieks] Hunter!

Hunter! Hunter! Hunter, no!

Hunter, wait!

Hunter!

Wait!

Well, maybe I'll get a hit now.

announcer: The Giants extend their apologies. Now, let's enjoy the Kiss Cam.

[crowd cheering]

["I Got You Babe" playing]

Hey, there's my girl!

She's such a good mom, you guys.

[crowd booing]

Whoa, guys, leave her alone. She's being polite. Good job, honey.

[crowd cheering]

[shouts] Kiss him, Mom.

Don't do it, D.J.

[crowd cheering]

[yells] What? No... D.J.!

Excuse me, sorry. I'm so sorry. Excuse me.

D.J., a word. Out of my way, Lou Seal.

This doesn't concern you, Lou. Whoa. This isn't your business, Lou Seal.

Isn't that your podiatrist, wrestling a seal?

Oh, my lanta!

What is Steve doing here?

D.J., I need a word with you, please.

security guard: Sir, let's go.

What's he so upset about?

I don't know.

We were just kissing this morning!

Did he say you two were kissing this morning?

I don't know, I can't hear. Let's go, Giants.

[shouts] Let's go, Giants.

announcer: Now batting for the Giants, number eight.

Look, here they come.

[Stephanie sighs]

Well, what a fun way to launch my singing career...

An emotional breakdown in front of 40,000 people.

Not only did I make it on the JumboTron, but guess what?

Channel Six caught it all, and I'll be on the eleven o'clock news tonight.

I lead a charmed life.

Do we have to leave?

I didn't catch my foul ball.

Yeah. It's the bottom of the ninth. Bases are loaded.

Giants are down by three.

Hunter Pence is up to bat.

[yells] Hit me a home run, Pencey!

Max, the odds of him hitting a home run directly to you are like a billion to one.

He hit a long drive to right field.

This is right field.

Jackson: It's going, going... gone!

It's not gone, it's right here.

[screams] Whoo-hoo!

Okay, let's go home.

Come on, everybody. Let's see if we're on SportsCenter.

Hey, Max, you're going to have a great story for show-and-tell on Monday.

Yeah, my home run ball is so much cooler than Taylor's sea monkeys.

And they aren't even monkeys. They're just shrimp.

Kids are so gullible.

Are you sure we're cool? I feel really bad about breaking the girl code.

Sisters before misters.

Well, if you feel really bad, then I feel better.

It was all my fault. I invited her out to my favorite seats.

I mean, I never expected her to say yes.

Are you sure I can't help you pay for this jersey?

Nah, it's okay. I worked out a deal with Dr. Matt.

I'm washing his car this weekend. And every weekend for the next two years.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm expecting a little fallout from my unexpected double-date.

I'm changing my email, shutting down Facebook and pricing a four-bedroom house in Idaho.

[doorbell ringing]

I'll get that. Might be one of the guys you kissed in the last eight hours.

Hey, it is.

D.J., we need to have a little chat.

[doorbell ringing]

I get to answer this one.

Hi, Matt.

[sighs] Hi.

D.J., the other guy you kissed is here.

D.J., you said we could talk about things later. Well... it's later.

Wow, this is the second time today you guys are in the same place at the same time.

Isn't that funny?

[D.J. chuckles nervously]

Okay, why don't we all just sit down on the couch and we can talk about our day.

Steph: Excuse me, sorry. Scoot over, Steve. Okay.

Sorry.

Oh, did you not need us here for this?

No.

Okay.

We'll be in the kitchen pretending not to listen.

The truth is, well, Matt and I just started dating.

And, Steve, I was going to tell you, but then you kissed me.

And then I was going to tell Matt that I kissed Steve.

But then, Matt, you kissed me. And, well, Steve, you saw.

So... So as you can see, I am completely innocent in all of this.

Okay, thanks for stopping by.

Wait, D.J., I have, like, real feelings for you.

Uh, and I have realer feelings for you.

The past six weeks have been great.

Oh, six weeks? We go back 25 years.

Checkmate. Your move.

Man, there is no move after checkmate.

That was my point exactly.

Guys, you are both great.

But it was just a week ago that I decided I was ready to go on my first date.

My first date in 15 years.

And now I have two amazing men that want to date me, and I like them both and I am so confused.

How can you be confused after the kiss that we had?

Oh, please. That crowd-induced JumboTron pity kiss? Come on.

No. I'm talking about our first kiss.

I'll see you Monday.

Okay, Monday it is.

D.J., wait.

Steve yells: Oh!

Oh, now that's a kiss.

D.J.! How could you do this to me?

I wasn't doing it to you.

Oh, that was nothing. Alright, you want to see some real romance? Watch this.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Oh, we were in love.

You were in high school.

Wow, Steve. Your hair was great.

Our kids would have that hair.

Not for long.

What are you two doing here?

Sorry, we'll go back in the kitchen.

D.J., what do you want to do?

Please don't put any pressure on me. I'm not ready to make any big decisions.

I'm not interested in being in some kind of competition.

I agree. I'm out.

Okay, if he's out, I'm totally back in.

Then I'm back in, too. Can we have dinner next week?

Um, yeah, sure.

Can we go out, too?

Yeah, I guess so.

Okay, great. Great, so I'll see you soon.

And I'll see you sooner.

Do you see my problem? You're both great kissers.

I was not impressed. Not impressed at all.

I wasn't even trying.

D.J. Fuller, dating two guys at once.

[sighs] How did this happen?

Simple. You're a floozy.