01x03 - Liar Liar Pants on Fire

All episode transcripts for season 1. This TV show has been cancelled.*
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A look at the lives of a group of teenagers living together as patients in a hospital's pediatric ward.
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01x03 - Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Post by bunniefuu »

Six, seven, eight...

Previously on "Red Band Society"...

She is going to need a heart transplant.

We found amphetamines, nicotine, cocaine, marijuana.

That is going to put her at the bottom of the waiting list.

I have osteosarcoma, right leg.

Hang on a second. Where are your parents?

My mom, she d*ed, last year.

We will need someone from your family to sign off on the treatment.

This is from my first surgery.

And I want you to wear it.

Thanks, Leo.

That's not the band I gave you last night.

I lost the one that you gave me.

It slipped off of my wrist.

♪ The electric lights ♪
♪ Blow my mind ♪

Charlie: One thing I've noticed about being in a hospital...

People lie a lot.


[Door creaks]

They lie to make you feel better.

They lie to make themselves feel better.

They lie for fun.

Lies are just one way of dealing.


Got the stuff?

Depends. What do you have for me?

That's another.

Is it the real deal?

You don't believe me, crackhead?

Give it a whiff.

♪ I don't want to go to school ♪
♪ I just want to break the rules ♪
♪ Boys and girls across the world ♪
♪ Putting on our dancing shoes ♪

[Chuckles]

She's totes into you.

Said she'd dump her boyfriend for your candy ass.

Seriously? She talked about my ass?

I paraphrased. Now where's my weed?

We had a deal...

Nurse Brittany's number for a joint.

Now hand it over.

What the hell?! That's my weed!

And that's not Brittany's number, you moron!

She doesn't even know that you exist!

[Clears throat]

And then, there are the lies that you tell yourself, like, "I'm not that sick" or "a little smoke won't k*ll me."

Kara's great at those.

That's not mine.

See what I mean?


Man, I thought you'd never get out of there, man.

Look, I just met this glaucoma dude upstairs who's looking to offload this bubba kush, but we got to act fast, man.

Cool, sounds good.

Um, I got to go check on Jordi first.

Oh, come on. You were with him all night, man.

Plus, I haven't heard any code-blue alarms so I'm pretty sure amigo's not dead.

But this deal will be if we don't book, man.

Come on.

Seriously, are you two starting a cancer boy band or something, man.

[Chuckles] I'll catch up with you later.

Yeah. Later.

Oh, good. You're awake.

What are you doing here?

Nerding out on sudoku.

I wanted to be here when you woke up so you wouldn't be alone.

But if you want me to go, I can leave.

No, no. Don't.

Why are you alone?

I mean, usually when people have surgery, they're, like, bombarded by every random family member they have.

Are you an orphan or something?

I guess I kind of am. I never met my dad.

My mom passed away a year ago.

I'm so sorry. How did she die?

Never mind. I shouldn't have asked.

No, it's okay. It's just...

I'm trying to move past it.

After she d*ed, I had to go live with my abuela, who I barely even know.

Oh, but you have a grandma. So, where's she?

She isn't exactly a believer in modern medicine.

[Mariachi music plays]

[Goat bleats]

[Chanting softly]

So, if no one believed you were sick, how did you get to the hospital?

I convinced my cousin to drive me.

He went to a Dodgers game, never came back.

Maybe the Dodgers lost.

- [Chuckles]

Spoken like a true Giants fan.


Okay, everything that you just told me sucks more than I can even process right now, but if you ever want to talk...

There's stumbling upon something you don't want to see, and then there's literally stumbling upon something you don't want to see.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

Hey. How's P.T.?

Long and boring.

[Chuckles]

I should go. I can't miss my weigh-in.

[Grunts]

Emma's pretty great, isn't she?

Yeah, she is.

[Grunts]

You know we, uh... used to be a thing?

No, no, I didn't.

We broke up a little while ago, but it's still kind of... still kind of unfinished.

Oh. Okay.

It's all good.

Cool. Thanks, man.

[Sighs]

For the record... it could not be less good.

I'm inn-o-cent! I want to call my lawyer.

Plus, also, you have to read me my rights.

Fine. You have the right to remain silent.

You can't prove anything. Wait!

Uh-huh.

Are you gonna call my parents?

Silent.

And, no, I'm not gonna call your parents.

I met your parents, and they're a bigger pain in my ass than you.

Oh, but I will have the orderlies strap you to that bed if I have to.

[Scoffs] Whatever gets you off.

Why are you still talking?

Because I have the shakes, and not in the fun kind of way.

My head is k*lling me, and for some reason, I'm...

I'm hot and I'm cold and then I'm hot again.

That's because you're in withdrawal.

Withdrawal?

Yes. You're a drug addict.

[Scoffs] No, I'm not.

I just like pills...

Pills to stay up, pills to fall asleep, and pills to help me study.

Your second drug test is today at 4:00.

And if your pee does not come back cleaner than a Mormon variety show, it'll be a ding against you getting a new heart, which is why you are not leaving this room until the little man comes around with a pee jar.

Well, Dr. Drew says that, in order to stay sober, I need a friend, someone to talk to.

Well, you got Charlie.

Um, veggie-boy isn't much of a conversationalist.

[Scoffs]

I prefer veggie young-adult.

You're not much of a listener.

This is so unfair!

Everyone else gets to do whatever they want.

Emma's not even sick, and she's treated like a fricking princess!

Mnh-mnh!

All I ask is this one tiny, little thing.

Fine! One friend.

Saving up for the big earthquake?

I'm making krispie treats.

Not for me, for Jordi. He's having a rough day.

I thought I'd do something nice for him.

Is he in kindergarten?

I'm kidding. It's really nice of you.

I'm in. How can I help?

You want to help?

Sure. He's a fellow red bander.

If he's having a rough day, I want to be there for him.

Well, in that case, I could, uh...

I could use some more butter.

Butter. Coming right up.

[Humming]

Why do our files look like a... pride parade?

These patient files are filled with so much sadness.

I wanted to cheer 'em up with some happy labels.

There's a balloon over the "I."

It's called "birthday" font.

Who doesn't love their birthday?

Birthday party, birthday presents, birthday pedicure.

Now I'm starting to wish I was never born.

Good morning. Do not give me that look.

I didn't sleep well last night.

Mm, is that right?

Dr. McAndrew, you're wearing your navy-blue tie.

Yes. So?

So, that means you must have had sex last night.

What?

Well, you wear your yellow tie for surgery and your cute madras bow tie only comes out when your relatives visit and the blue tie means you had sex.

[Laughs]

You told me a good nurse knows the attending physician inside and out.

[Sighs] Did you check on Courtney Love recently?

I'm letting that sleeping beast lie.

Last time I woke her up, she screamed at me for ruining her shopping dream with Brandi from "The Real Housewives."

[Chuckles] Oh, I do love that show.

Seriously, though, who doesn't?

[Alarm beeps]

Speak of the devil.


♪ I got a message for you ♪

Oh, my God! Hello?!

We're in the middle of something.

♪ What are you gonna do? ♪

Not exactly how I imagined my first three-way.

But I'm not gonna lie, I'll take it.


♪ I'm gonna mess around ♪

What the hell is wrong with you?

You could have scarred this poor child for life.

Overreacting much?

I needed something to keep my mind off of dr*gs.

Plus, it's just sex.

Or has it been so long that you've forgotten?

Okay. Okay, fun and games are over.

Booty call's gonna pack up his balls and go home, and you're gonna get dressed and meet me at the nurses' station in 10 minutes.

Congratulations. I'm your new sober companion.

What?

Mm-hmm.

Bye, baby.

♪ Do, do-do-do-do, do ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do ♪

Admittedly, it's not my best look.

It's just a little small.

My sister just sent me all these.

I think this one might even be hers.

♪ Not just for the night, but for the rest of my life ♪

I'm Leo.

Emma.

Nice to meet you.

♪ You are the one I could never be done with ♪

For what it's worth, you, uh... you have a nice head.

I don't think you need any hats at all.

[Chuckles]

♪ Of my life ♪

Looks way better on you.

[Chuckles]

Dash: Yo!

Not even gonna ask.

They're for Emma.

Oh, Thumbelina has an appetite?

We're baking something for Jordi.

Should have known.

All roads lead back to the J-Man.

I'm working a deeper game.

It's all part of my plan to get back with Emma.

Since when do you want to get back with Emma?

Since now.

Oh, Jordi gets to keep the leg, so you keep the girl?

That sort of thing?

You got problems, Dash, and your crap lungs are the least of them.

Look, man, I'm all for a Steve and D.J. reunion, but I'm just saying, you know, I feel like your new roommate may have other plans.

I already squared things with him, and he's not moving in on her.

Because he said so?

No, because I said so.

You're looking at the one thing in a hospital that never lies... a pet scan.

Think of it like an electoral map.

Right now red's filibustering the crap out of Jordi's leg.


Okay. So, what these scans are showing us is that your cancer is not an osteosarcoma.

It's something called a Ewing's sarcoma.

What's the difference?

They both start in the bone, but they're two completely different types of tumors.

And for that reason, we need to treat them differently.

[Sighs]

So, when do I start chemo?

Uh... well, I did go ahead and contact your grandmother in Mexico, and...

Does she finally believe I have cancer?

She's pretty committed to the whole "demons in your leg" thing.

And after a lot of screaming in Spanish, she, uh, wants to return you to her faith healer.

I can't go back there, Dr. McAndrew.

I'm in a tough spot.

I need someone from your family to sign off on this treatment.

Since your mom passed away, maybe if we try and contact your dad?

Great idea. I'd love to meet him.

Okay. Um...

All right, well, listen.

Social Services now has your case.

They can help you figure out what your next step is gonna be.

I already know what my next step is.

I want to become an emancipated minor so I can make my own medical decisions.

Jordi, you're too young to be doing that.

You can be emancipated at 14 in the State of California.

No matter what happens, you're still gonna be my doctor, right?

You can't get rid of me that easy.

All right.

Although, I'm leaving.

[Chuckles]

Hang in there, okay?

[Sighs]

Okay, you are all set.

Enough to keep your drink on all day.

Can you do me a favor?

I got to convince the doctors to give me a weekend pass.

Can you just tell them my battery's fully charged.

Why would I do that, Dash? You're dehydrated.

And you've skipped your last two breathing treatments.

Because I'm about to pull the trigger on some Sisyphus tickets in San Diego.

I got some ill-ass seats.

I'm just trying to surprise my boy, Leo. That all.

For starters, you can't go to a concert.

Music venues are petri dishes for infection.

Plus, this feels like an extreme purchase, and this is coming from a girl who once spent $200 on lip liners, so...

It's not even like that.

I just thought me and Leo could use some time outside of this dungeon.

Away from Jordi?

Oh...

Leo broke your little bro-heart, huh?

That's so sweet.

Broke my bro... What are you... What are you talking about?

It's okay. It's okay.

What are you talking about?

Bromances can hurt just as much as regular romances.

I used to have a womance with my friend Chabley, hung out every day at Froyoland, hmm, broke curfew together, star-69'd anybody who pranked us...

You 69'd?

Meant something much different.

Simpler times, Dash. Simpler times.

My point is, Chabley and I were inseparable.

And then, Dawn Trimmer happened.

Dawn and her stupid in-ground pool. Next thing I knew, I was replaced.

Traded up for a pool. That's cold.

But guess what.

Three weeks later, Chabley caught her boyfriend skinny-dipping with Dawn in that stupid in-ground pool.

And you know who she called to drown herself in froyo with?

Okay, so, you're saying I should just let this whole thing play itself out?

I'm saying you can't buy love.

And real friends will always need you.

Okay, first of all, I don't love Leo.

And I got a hundred different ways to prove that to you whenever you're down.

Okeydoke.

Good talk.

More like 68.

Do it with me, and I'll owe you one.

Next, we pour the butter over the marshmallows and stir slowly.

You'd think that would be impossible to screw up, but I've been known to burn toast.

This is the doctors' lounge...

No patients allowed.

They're breaking the rules.

That's the kind of reckless fun we get into here at Ocean Park Hospital.


Is it weird to cook but not eat?

Seems like it would be t*rture.

It's actually kind of comforting.

You know, it's a way to be around food, to fixate on food.

To control it.

I mean, not that I'm saying you're a control freak or anything...

Do not start.

You like comedies, but not romantic comedies.

You like action movies, but not when they try to be funny.

I'm specific, all right? There's a difference.

♪ 'Cause I am afraid of the light ♪
♪ Yeah, you know what I mean ♪
♪ And I can't sleep alone at night ♪

We should, um...

We should get these into a pan before they cool.

It's just a tie, Brittany.

Hmm? What? Nothing.

Okay, we need to follow up with Social Services.

I want to get Jordi started on chemo asap.

I'm all over it.

Ballpark figure...

I mean, uh, how long do you think Jordi will realistically be occupying my bed in the swamp?

We are not discussing a patient's medical condition with you, Dash.

I'm just saying, man, you know, I'm down to move in if Jordi somehow doesn't pull through.

Okay. We'll, uh... We'll note that in your file.

[Elevator bell dings]

Hey.

Hey.

[Both chuckling]

♪ D-d-down low ♪

[Chuckles]

You, uh...

You snuck out early this morning.

Well, I wanted to avoid that awkward moment.

Too late, sister.

Look, I had an amazing time, but it's a...

It's a little strange that you tracked me down at work.

I am visiting my son.

I'm sorry. Who's your son?

Jordi: Mom?

Jo-Jo.

Did not see that coming.

Niño, what have they done to you? You're so thin.

I'm sick, mom.

This is my doctor.

[Chuckles] He's your doctor?

Yeah. Yeah, you know him?

Of course I don't know him.

I know nothing. Nobody tells me anything.

Your abuela calls out of the blue and says something's wrong with your leg and would I check on you.

Why didn't anyone here call me?

'Cause you're dead.

Dr. McAndrew: Uh, we were...

We were under the impression that you had passed away.

¡Mentiroso!

You told them I was dead?

What I meant was... She's dead to me.

And just like that, Jordi's life became a telenovela and Dr. McAndrew's sex-capade became a cautionary tale.

Well, if I'm detoxing, shouldn't I be in bed?

We tried that, remember?

For the record, spending time with you is so depressing, it makes me want to do dr*gs not quit them.

Ohh. Well, I have just the thing to cheer you up.

[Indistinct shouting]

Um, little humans are highly overrated.

How about I wait out here?

Mm!

If you want to sit and pout, you'll fit right in.

Elsa?

And who are you... The delusional snowman?

You mean Olaf. You're funny. You want to play?

[Sighs]

[High-pitched voice] Hi.

My name is...

Whatever.

I have super-dry hair, and I work the streets so I can score some cr*ck!

I love this story!

Yo, man, I'm about to drop some serious knowledge, all right?

Prepare your jaw to slack.

Well, I can't talk now. I'm on a mission for Emma.

Look, yo, Julia Child can wait, man.

Who's that?

Only the sickest lady chef in history.

Whatever. I'm sort of a foodie, but...

Look, we have a situation, all right?

Your new friend Jordi, your, uh, spirit animal, your brother from another mother?

Yeah, what about him?

Turns out he's a two-faced, two-legged lying sack.

What the hell are you talking about, Dash?

Jordi's mom is alive.

It was my mother.

She poisoned him against me.

It's okay to leave stuff blank. Just fill out what you can.

But I'm his mother. He is the fruit of my loom.

I think you mean loin.

Fine.

What else could you possibly need to know?

Uh, an address we can verify to prove that he lived with you.

Lived with me? [Chuckles]

Honey, I used to call him my little barnacle.

He wouldn't leave my side.

I even had to take him to work with me.

Dr. McAndrew: So, you did grow up with her?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I grew up all right.

Spent my 5th birthday in a casino, my 6th in a cocktail lounge in Reno.

The woman is not capable of being a mother.

Eva: We were so close, and every night, no matter how tired I was, I'd make sure he had a hot meal.

Any hot meal I had, I made for myself, if she remembered to bring me anything.

She was on a real strict liquid diet.

Dr. McAndrew: You have every right to be upset, but whether you like it or not...

You're Jordi's mom. He needs your support.

So I suggest the both of you...

Put the past behind you.

And work it out.

And what if I don't want to work it out?

So, I'll put all of these into the system, and then you'll have to sign a bunch more forms.

This is a lot of paperwork.

How long is he gonna be here? A week?

Longer, I'm afraid.

What the hell?

How long does it take for a broken leg to heal?

Um...

He doesn't have a broken leg.

Fracture. Whatever.

How long till I can take him home?

I'm so sorry. Uh... We told Jordi's grandmother. I... I thought you knew. Jordi has cancer.

No.

I'm sorry.
What do you mean Jordi's mom isn't dead? How do you know? Because I saw her, live and in the flesh. Good flesh, if I might add. She's taut, tan.

Oh, man, she's going in the bank.

The thing I don't get is why?

Why would he lie about something like that?

Because he's a Ponzi-scheming decepticon.

I mean, who knows what else he's lying about?

You know, does he even have cancer?

Is that his real hair?

It's so sad.

Come again?

Well, the whole thing. It's tragic.

How awful must Jordi's home life be for him to feel the need to lie about something like this?

And can you imagine how mortified he must be now that everyone knows the truth?

Dude, she's right.

He must be feeling pretty bad right now.

[Groans]

One of us should go talk to him, make sure everything's okay.

I'll do it.

You...

Shut up.

[Imitates whip cracking]

[Guitar playing]

[Door opens]

Jordi? Is this a good time?

No.

Please. We need to talk.

I'm so nervous.

No, you're not.

You have nerves of steel.

You always know exactly what you want.

So, what's your angle this time, huh?

'Cause I know you have one.

_

_

You're my son...

And you're sick.

Sick? I have cancer, mom.

Cancer. You know what that means?

This isn't an earache or... or the sniffles, where you can just give me some té con limón and send me back to school.

I could die.

Yeah. I know how serious this is.

Abuela didn't, and that's who you dumped me with.

And now you want back in my life?

No. [Scoffs] I don't think so.

I'm sorry.

Look, I know you're angry, but maybe this happened for a reason.

Maybe this is God's way of allowing us to fix things between us.

You can't fix this.

The only person that can help me now is Dr. McAndrew, so if you really want what's best for me, sign the papers to emancipate me and then do what you do best... leave.

You're stubborn.

That's one trait you inherited from me.

You know what?

When you were little, the only way we could resolve our disagreements was with a little friendly competition.

[Chuckles]

Fine.

When I win, you sign the forms and leave.

And if I win, I get to stick around and be your mom.

Family game night just took on a whole new meaning.

And one more.

[Blows]

That's it.

All done.

So what's it going to be today, spiders or dragons?

Dragons.

Speaking of dragons, our friend Simmi seems to have tamed one.

Yeah, they bring the yellow pills just before dinner.

Kara: Do you ever get the blue pills?

Those come at bedtime, around 9:00.

Perfect.

I'll be by then, okay?

I don't know. I like blue.

For a blue. You got to braid my doll's hair, too.

Well, that wasn't the deal, muffin face.

Take it or leave it, stupid face.

She's gonna leave it!

Get up! Get up.

Ow! Ow! You're hurting me!

Low even for you, taking dr*gs from a sick child.

Well, apparently, I'm a drug addict who would do whatever it takes to get high.

I mean, have you ever seen "Breaking Bad," or can you not afford basic cable?

I don't even know why I try.

Yeah, I don't, either!

I mean, what do you care if I fail my stupid drug test?

I don't.

In fact, you want them? Here, here. Take them!

Do whatever the hell you want to do.

[Pills clatter]

Yeah...

I'm pretty sure she didn't mean that.

Yo, you're short $50, man.

You said you had $200 on Jordi to win.

Yeah, I was kind of hoping you could spot me for the rest.

Spot you?

What do I look like... Goldman Dash?

Come on, man. I'm good for it.

Stop wasting my time, Homey, all right?

We in a hospital.

You could drop dead tomorrow for all I know.

Where does that leave me?

I only had gall-bladder surgery, and it was laparoscopic.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm just hard chilling. What's going on, man?

Chilling with cold, hard cash.

Cash from bets you're taking on a certain mother vs. son competition?

Nothing wrong with a little hustle just to, you know, keep the blood flowing.

Except that gambling is illegal and immoral and against the rules.

How much to get in on the action?

For serious, or is this some Nurse Jackson-style shakedown?

Come on. Give me $50 on E. Palacios for the win.

My money's on mama.

That's what I'm talking about.

All right.

Don't let me down now. Baby needs a new pair of kicks.

Dr. McAndrew.

Adam.

Yeah, um, do you have a minute?

Yeah. Yeah.

So, uh, just to be clear, as far as Jordi's concerned, this thing between us...

Never happened.

I mean, honestly, if I'd known who you were...

I care about your son, and from what he just told me...

[Chuckles]

I'm sure he pictured me quite as the witch.

My son likes to embellish.

His favorite bedtime story was "Pinocchio."

So, why don't you tell me your side of the story?

You mean, how his dad hit the road the second he found out I was pregnant?

I was 19.

I was alone and broke and in a strange country.

I did what I had to do to survive.

And I may not have been the world's best mom, but I'm still his mother.

And if he's sick, I want to be here for him.

He trusts you.

Can you talk to him, maybe tell him to give me a chance?

What are you looking for?

A way to get rid of my mother.

[Chuckles] Okay.

Although, I don't think Leo keeps shivs in there.

Nope, just p*rn.

I just need... a deck of cards.

We've got a wager for my life.

[Sighs]

Maybe your mom being here is actually a good thing.

Right, she's here because she wants to help you.

And honestly, you're gonna do much better if she's around.

Trust me, I won't.

Jordi, you got a long road ahead of you.

You have chemo. You have more surgeries.

Research, as well as my personal experience, shows that patients have a much better chance of survival when they have someone close to them by their side.

I have you.

I'm not your family.

So, did you talk to Jordi?

His mom was in there. I didn't want to bug him.

Don't touch those!

They must be cool by now.

Oh, I thought they were for kindergartners.

They are, but, God, they look good.

You're so impatient.

Even during chemo, you used to try and speed it up by releasing the timer.

You'd give yourself twice the dose in half the time, and then you'd get sick and regret it.

You're right. I'm very impulsive.

Trust me... I know.

You're talking about us?

No. Forget it. It doesn't matter.

No, it does matter.

I was impulsive and I broke things off and I regretted it.

You regretted it?

I was an idiot.

I was scared.

After my surgery, I thought I was gonna die.

I didn't want to put you through that.

That's why you think we broke up?

I know that's why we broke up. I'm the one who did it.

[Chuckles]

What's so funny?

You're funny.

You weren't afraid you were gonna die, Leo.

You were afraid you were gonna live.

No, I'm pretty sure I was afraid of dying.

You dumped me because I don't fit the profile of your ideal girlfriend.

I'm not blonde and popular and worried about what party I'm going to this weekend.

In our real lives, you wouldn't even look at a girl like me, let alone date me, and you were afraid that if you lived, you'd be stuck with me.

That's not fair. It's not true.

Why can't you admit it?

I liked you so much more than you liked me.

I knew it, you knew it, everyone in this freaking place knew it, Leo.

That's why we broke up.

I don't know what happened.

She just lost it on me.

What did she say?

I don't even know. The whole thing made no sense.

Hey.

You might be right about him.

Say more.

You know, maybe he's the problem.

First he tries to get between us, which would never happen, obviously.

Obviously.

Then he's starts manipulating Emma, telling her some sob story about his dead mom.

That's what I've been saying, man!

You're right.

You're right.

What is going on?

Hey. You want to play a game? I'm a little rusty.

What's game is that... liar's poker?

What's your problem?

You. We trusted you. We became your friends.

Now we don't even know who you are.

Rule number one... never lie to a fellow red bander, man.

What, you think it doesn't matter?

It's all that matters.

So, I lied. Big deal. We all lie.

Emma lies to get skinny, Dash lies to get pot, you lie to get out of P.T.

At least I lied to save my life.

He kind of has a point, man.

What?

Just curious what the women's side looks like.

Another lie.

The guy's been doing it since high school.


You okay?

Do I look okay?

No.

Then don't ask stupid questions.

Oh, okay, here's a better one...

Why have you been torturing yourself all day?

It's not like your job depends on whether Miss Thing pees clean.

[Sighs]

I messed up.

I told Kara she could invite a friend, even though I knew it was stupid, but I did it so she would shut the hell up.

And then her heart monitor went off, and...

It was my fault.

So, I thought if we spent the day together, I might find one thing not to hate about her.

I just need one thing, some shred of humanity.

Because right now, I hate her so damn much I'm afraid one day I won't answer her call button just to spite her.

And then maybe she really will end up dead, and it'll be on me.

You wouldn't do that.

You don't know that.

Yeah, I do. I know you, Dena.

You gave up a life that most people only dream of to be here, to help people.

That's just who you are.

And I'm not saying Kara isn't rotten to the core.

[Chuckles]

Maybe she is.

But she did do one thing right. [Sighs]

She peed clean.

[Sighs]

Welcome to the Palacios poker night.

As if the stakes aren't high enough, they're also playing for jellybeans.


Let me know if you see the warden.

Do you have any 7s?

Go fish.

Eva: There you go.

Jordi's sister really knows how to handle a deck.

Leo: That's his mother.

Wow!

Note to self... Ask about her skin-care regimen.

You don't mind rolling up your sleeves a little more, do you?

Really? You don't trust me?

♪ Like a king without a castle ♪
♪ Like a queen without a throne ♪
♪ I'm an early-morning lover, and I must be moving on ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Now I believe in what you say ♪
♪ Is the undisputed truth ♪

You sure, Jo-Jo?

Just hit me, mom.

♪ But I have to have things my own way ♪
♪ To keep me in my youth ♪
♪ Like a ship without an anchor, like a sl*ve without a chain ♪
♪ Just the thought of those sweet ladies ♪
♪ Sends a shiver through my veins ♪

I raise you five.

♪ And I will go on shining, shining like brand-new ♪
♪ I never look behind me ♪

Careful.

♪ My troubles will be few ♪

You're biting your lip.

Don't bite your lip. That's your tell.

I'm never gonna get this.

Of course you will. Just try this.

♪ Goodbye, stranger, it's been nice ♪
♪ Hope you'll find your paradise ♪

I'm all-in.

♪ Tried to see your point of view ♪
♪ Hope your dreams will all come true ♪
♪ Goodbye, Mary, goodbye, Jane ♪
♪ Will we ever meet again? ♪
♪ Feel no sorrow, feel no shame ♪
♪ Come tomorrow, feel no pain ♪
♪ And sweet devotion ♪
♪ Goodbye, Mary, goodbye, Jane ♪
♪ It's not for me ♪
♪ Just give me motion ♪

I fold.

♪ Will we ever ♪
♪ And set me free ♪
♪ Meet again? ♪
♪ Feel no sorrow ♪
♪ And the land and the ocean ♪
♪ Feel no shame ♪
♪ Far away ♪

It's that lip.

♪ Come tomorrow ♪
♪ Every day ♪

I can always tell when you're bluffing.

♪ Goodbye, Mary ♪
♪ So goodbye, Mary ♪

Good game, mom.

Thank you.

♪ Will we ever ♪
♪ Meet again? ♪
♪ Meet again? ♪

[Whistling]

So?

Is my pee as clean as a Mormon variety show?

You passed your drug test.

You're not a total criminal.

Good for you.

Don't you think you owe me an apology?

Sweetie, it'll be a cold day in hell before I apologize to anyone for doing my job.

But you did surprise me, and I'm never surprised.

[Door closes]

Hey.

Hey.

Look, I'm sorry I upset you.

I'm sorry, too.

I overreacted.

No, it was my fault.

I made a lot of mistakes when we were together, but I want to make it up to you.

I think we can make things work.

So do I.

You do?

We can't stay mad at each other forever, right?

I'm ready to put the past behind us if you are.

Friends?

Friends.

That's what you meant, right?

Yeah.

Exactly what I was gonna say.

It's probably what we should have been all along, you know?

Now we can be in each other's lives forever.

Sure.

♪ We fell in love ♪
♪ Right by the ocean ♪

Hey, stranger.

Hey.

Um, I'll be right there.

So, I hear you're sticking around for a while.

It looks that way.

It's the best thing for Jordi.

Well, I'm very grateful he's in such good hands.

Idiot.

Hey, Jo-Jo.

Are you hungry?

I can run down to the cafeteria and get you one of those mini pizzas.

That's okay.

[Sighs] I know.

What about some root-beer floats?

Are you seriously trying to be a mom now?

Does it bother you?

I can't tell yet.

Hey, Jordi.

Jo-Jo...

You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend.

Mom.

Hey.

I didn't mean to interrupt. I was just dropping those off.

Oh, that's very sweet.

I'm Eva. I'm Jordi's mom.

Emma. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too. That looks yummy.

[Blows kiss] See you tomorrow.

She actually seems kind of nice.

Yeah, don't get used to it.

I'm still to figure out a way to get rid of her.

Maybe you shouldn't have let her win, then.

I saw you fold with a full house.

I don't know whether to be embarrassed or flattered that you noticed.

Don't be embarrassed.

Everyone wants their mom when they're sick.

♪ We fell in love ♪
♪ Right by the ocean ♪

That's the thing about lies... Even if you're telling them for the right reasons, the person who usually winds up getting hurt is you.

♪ Down on the sand ♪
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