01x21 - By the Numbers

[bunniefuu]

Ready to have your socks rocked off?

Those of you courteous enough to wear socks.

Just play.

(Grunting)

(All grunting)

Out.

Way off, Hawkeye.

(Groaning)

Out. And...

Out.

Again.

(Laughs)

Bar none, the best training session.

What is that, eight-zip?

(Growls)

Yeah. Is there a point to this?

I'm with Falcon.

This isn't the best team-building exercise you've ever come up with.

What he said.

Well, that's because this isn't about team-building.

It's about team-busting.

When the Cabal h*jacked my pre-play system, I had to put together an even better program to give us an edge.

New data, algorithms, new everything.

The Stark probability engine.

It predicts a sure path to victory in any combat situation.

There are no sure things in combat.

You're forgetting the human factor.

The human factor is in there. It's just... insignificant. Statistically speaking.

Insignificant?

(Cracking neck)

Do it again.

We've got a little surprise of our own.

Activate the laser battle balls.

With pleasure. (Grunts)

Sonic Shredder. (Grunts)

(Grunting)

Plant one at Cap's feet.

(Grunts)

(Groans)

I hate this game.

Iron Man: This is how we'll b*at the Cabal.

The probability engine is perfect.

No more surprises.

(Hyperion yelling)

(Crashing)

(Both groaning)

Um, I'm surprised.

Anyone else?

Scanning.

Locked.

Hyperion.

Okay. To be fair, the probability engine was off.

(Hulk yelling)

Hyperion took Hulk to the river.

Jarvis, lock down the tower, and scan all frequencies for the Cabal.

Looks like we get to trash the Cabal ahead of schedule.

Stark probability engine is active.

Passengers: Whoa!

Ah!

Iron Man: Thor, boat.

Aye.

Jarvis: Sir, there are no signs of the Cabal near the tower.

Iron Man: It's a distraction.

I'm running the probability.

Thor. Get down there and...

Iron Man: Hold on.

S.P.E. says there's an 85% chance Attuma's waiting in ambush.

S.P.E.?

"Stark probability engine."

Ah. He's all about the branding.

Skull believes the Asgardian will appear any second.

Falcon. Funnel. Now.

Red-wing mode. Full thrust at 22 degrees.

Prepare to... huh?

Nice try, Attuma.

(Laughing)

Fish out of water.

(All groaning)

Smoke and mirrors are not enough to def...

(Groans)

How about smoke, mirrors, and Mjolnir?

Skull, it's not going as planned.

(Hulk roars)

Aah! Oh!

Thor: Hyperion?

Aah!

"Bye-Perion."

Ha! 'Twas a good one, no?

Not good enough.

Aah!

Actually, it was pretty good for Thor.

Comedy's like his third language.

Whoa!

(Roars)

I'm not through with you.

(Grunting)

Aah!

Hyperion, disengage.

Never.

The numbers do not lie, Hyperion.

There is a 75% certainty of your failure.

Disengage.

More like 83%, but who's counting?

(Groans)

Still doubting the numbers?

Why don't you ask Hulk?

(Groaning)

We need to get him back to the tower.

This isn't over.

The numbers do not lie?

They do not.

But sometimes we do.

A masterful performance, especially with the Hulk.

The first domino falls.

(Modok laughs evilly)

Two minutes before Hyperion knocked in our front door, this happened...

A cosmic anomaly in Death Valley lasted just a few seconds.

No one was hurt, but...

Falcon: It turned the desert to glass.

The energy readings are off the charts.

Readings we've seen before.

Captain America: Tesseract?

The greatest power source in the known universe.

Though we've never seen it do this.

I think that the Cabal att*cked to distract us.

It was more than a distraction, Tony.

They targeted Hulk. Until he heals...

(Roars)

Hey. I'm workin' here.

I can take a pretty boy in a cape any day, winghead.

Ow!

Debatable.

We should not underestimate the Skull's cunning.

We're not underestimating anyone.

We're out-thinking them.

Whatever the Cabal's up to, with the S.P.E., we can handle it.

Tony, we know you're the smartest guy on the continent, but there's more to what we do than probability.

Jarvis: Sir,SHIELD satellites are detecting a spike in cosmic energy.

Triangulate its position now, before we lose it again.

There. Huh?

(Rumbling)

Fury is gonna be so jealous.

Not once it's a pile of scrap, he won't.

Do you think their sudden departure seems a little convenient?

Sneaky little Skull.

They intercepted the coordinates of the Tesseract and have a head start.

Move it or lose it, team.

I can fly faster than this.

I can get to the Tesseract ahead of them. Maybe figure out...

S.P.E. doesn't like your chances in that scenario.

Tony, I'm a scientist, too. Okay?

But even I think you're getting a little obsessed with your new toy. What's goin' on?

(Sighs) All right.

Look, when the Skull h*jacked my armor and unlocked our playbook, he got our secrets. I put you all in danger.

It was a mistake, Tony.

I don't do mistakes.

Even the best leaders make mistakes, Tony.

You can't live in fear.

Who said anything about fear?

Fear comes with the job.

It's how you deal with it that matters.

(Scoffs) If I told you the odds that you were gonna say that, would ya hit me?

No. But that will.

Adaptoid at 12 o'clock.

Captain America: Brace for impact.

Iron Man: S.P.E.'s got this.

I hope.

(Grunts)

Your magic number engine didn't see that comin'?

Actually, it did.

I didn't want Skull to know we were ready for it.

We weren't ready for it, Tony.

You've gotta let us do our jobs.

Speaking of... Falcon, now you can go.

Fly ahead. Try and secure the Tesseract.

Well, I guess that's convenient.

Hyperion's coming around.

Is the plan to let him punch us to the Moon?

Thought about it. But how about Thor handles him instead?

But the Aven-jet.

Trust me. Hulk? Group hug.

Oh, no.

This is risky, Skull. The stakes are too...

Red Skull: I know the stakes better than any of you.

Imagine it as a simple game of super-powered chess.

And we are your pawns?

Hardly, M.O.D.O.K. you are my knights.

(Beeping)

What?

(Grunting)

(Hulk roars)

Surprise! (Coughs)

Admit it. You didn't see that one coming.

Have you gone mad? You'll destroy us all!

You know as well as I do you can save us all with one order.

M.O.D.O.K., deploy the Adaptoid.

Hawkeye: Thanks. (Screams)

(Groans)

Sam, we still have one big bad guy unaccounted for.

Probability says he's comin' to you.

Roger, Tony. Coming up on the coordinates.

Wow, that's dark.

(Gasps)

Red Skull: Your game has improved considerably, Stark.

But I wonder.

Just what sacrifices you're willing to make?

(Grunts)

(Grunting)

(Both grunting)

Aah!

"Fry-Perion"? Nay, too much.

(Grunts)

(Screams)

Keep hitting him. Don't let him use his mind Mojo.

You think?

We're stretched too thin, Tony.

We're winning. Just stick with your partners.

Captain America: Look at the big picture.

Hulk's fighting with one arm and Falcon can't land.

They're setting us up.

Iron Man: Cap, please. Trust me.

(Grunts)

He should listen to you more often.

Attuma: Hello...

Captain.

Tony. They're doin' a teleport swap.

You said to stick with our partners, but they didn't stick with us.

(Groans)

Whoa! Aah!

No, they didn't.

Huh?

(Roars)

(Both grunting)

Kneel before me, animal.

(Hulk screams)

M.O.D.O.K. just blinked outta here.

Tell me your probability whosi-whatsis saw this coming.

Iron Man: Just stay on target.

That's a "no."

(Groans)

(Laughs evilly)

Hyperion. Coward. Face the thunder!

(Modok clears throat)

(Cackling)

How perfectly blonde of you.

Aah!

(Groans)

(Grunting)

Aah!

(Laughs)

This was your big play? Swapping partners?

Would it surprise you to hear I was counting on it?

I've been planning this fight since you formed this little league team.

(Groaning)

I almost don't care about b*ating you to the Tesseract.

What I care about is shutting you down.

The S.P.E. said there was a 99% chance you'd try to take me on personally.

Now it says there's a 100% chance I'm gonna do this...

No.

Checkmate.

My heart...

Will be fine. Your armor's shorted out, but it'll keep you alive long enough to get to a cell.

Don't feel too bad about losing.

You never really had a chance.

The numbers don't lie.

(Grunts) So you say.

So you always say.

Listen up, Avengers.

A few more seconds and we'll end this for good.

Not sure we have those seconds.

I'm getting my shield handed to me down here.

(Groans)

You said you didn't want to make more mistakes.

I think you're makin' one right now.

Skull is down, and the Tesseract is just over this rise.

Everything's played out exactly as...

Where's the... bright, shiny thing we've risked our lives to grab?

I'm at the exact coordinates we...

No.

Skull didn't just steal our coordinates, he replaced them with false ones.

I'm in the wrong place.

Avengers, break off your att*cks and converge on the Skull. Converge on the Skull.

Red Skull: They can't hear, Stark.

Even if they wanted to.

(Grunting)

(Groaning)

(Grunting)

(Groans)

(Laughs)

(Grunting)

Aah!

Aah!

(Gasps)

What? No way.

(Cackling)

Huh?

What do your numbers say now?

They say we can't win.

Jarvis: Armor integrity is down to less than 5%.

I'd just as soon never hear the word "percent" again.

Thank you.

A true genius manipulates the odds.

He does not let them manipulate him.

You were right. I couldn't win against you.

Not without the Tesseract.

So, I let you follow your precious numbers to their logical conclusion.

(Groans)

Two miles away. Amazing, isn't it?

A decimal point shifted one place, and your entire strategy becomes naught but empty figures.

That can't be happening.

It already happened.

Enough posturing, Skull.

Let's finish them and be about our work.

(Groans)

What's happening?

Modok: The Tesseract is unstable. If we are to keep it, we must contain it. Stabilize it.

You have no choice. Would you risk it all now for petty revenge?

If you leave them alive, they'll come after us.

They're beaten. Not broken.

And now you'll see the lesson that I have learned, which your fragile ego has not.

Better to create the odds than to play them.

Two missiles. Los Angeles, Las Vegas.

Which city will you save?

Or will you let both perish to follow us?

(Growls)

Iron Man: Cap, I... I messed up bad.

Save it. What can those missiles do?

Normally, they wouldn't even scratch the Hulk.

But augmented by cosmic energy...

I... I don't know what to do.

By my calculations, we can only save one.

And that's why you have a team.

For the one time when the guy with all the answers doesn't have the answer.

(Grunts)

Two teams. Power, speed, and skill evenly split.

You, Thor, Hawkeye, and the Widow on one.

I'll take Falcon and Hulk.

Those missiles are shielded.

They have the latest evasion software.

They were some of my best stuff.

We are your best stuff.

Well, then... Avengers, assemble!

I have a visual on the target.

Aah!

He wasn't kidding about the countermeasures.

We've handled worse on the dodge ball court.

You're kidding.

He's not kidding.

That didn't work in dodge ball.

Captain America: It's called rising to the challenge.

Don't worry about my m*ssile. Worry about yours.

Let's get ahead of it.

I am.

I thought your arm was hurt.

It is.

Shred it, Hulk.

You sure your shield will protect you?

Captain America: Always.

(Both cheer)

Captain America: A little help?

I'll catch up with Cap.

Iron Man: One down.

Yeah.

We're not gonna let 'em show us up, are we?

Jarvis: Even if your targeting systems were online, you would be unlikely to overcome the m*ssile's supercharged shielding, sir.

Sometimes I'm too good for my own good.

Aah!

You give me the right w*apon, I can hit it.

No one can hit it.

Just figure out your power problem.

Put this on.

Whoa.

Aim for me.

Seriously?

Cool. All I need is two sh*ts.

One to make it move...

And the second has to be big enough to take it down.

Thor, I need a jump.

With pleasure.

(Groaning)

Jarvis: Sir, cells are up to 305% capacity.

Anytime now, Hawkeye.

Black Widow: Not to rush you, but the m*ssile's about to hit its target.

Now.

And...

Blam!

Yeah!

And that, my friends, is what 100% probability looks like. (Laughs)

Can I keep this?

(Grunting)

Run it again.

Any sign of the Tesseract?

No. Skull's smart enough to have it shielded.

We won't know where it is until he comes knocking with it.

You know this is bad.

Tony, we can handle bad.

We're not numbers.

Yeah.

(Beeping)

We're Avengers.