01x06 - One Trick Pony

PreViously on "Heartland": Can I have another one?

You're going back to New York, right?

Amy, I'm not just going back to New York because of Carl. I'm going because that's where I live. That's where my job is.

I got fired.


Do you know how hard I worked to get there?

To get out of here?

He's really mad. Go get him. I dare you.

He's coming at you! He's mad!

Try to grab that one. Oh, he's coming at you, Lou.

Here he comes. Oh, all right. Coming at you, Lou.

No, no, don't!

Now you've done it.

Oh, my God! Get him away from me!

All right. Okay, hold him for me.

Hold him? No way!

I need both hands to make sure he gets the whole dose in.


Oh, my God! He pooped on me!

Just a second more.

Can you hurry up, please?

LOU: Aah!

He pooped on me again!

Okay, hold on.

Easy. lt's okay.

All right. All right.

All right. All done. You can let him go now. lt's okay, Lou.

Only three more to go.

Yeah, I would like to thank you for reminding me why I left here in the first place.

No problem.

Scott vetted him at the rescue center. He's perfectly sound.

Decent bloodlines. He's even got a name. Pirate.

So, what's the problem?

Well, he doesn't stop when you pull him up.

And he doesn't go forward when you kick him.

And he doesn't neck rein.

He must be good for something.

Well, I was hoping to ask our friendly neighborhood vet, but it seems like he's got himself tied up de-worming geese.

Gross! I've never seen Lou get down and dirty with a goose before.

Hey, who's the dude?

I don't know. Must be a tourist.

He looks like an oil man.

l'm betting real estate developer.

Maybe Lou knows him.

Here we go.

Oh, my God! Carl!

Figure she might.

And at the break of day You sank into your dream You dreamer You dreamer You dreamer I can't believe this. Why didn't you call?

Are you kidding me? And lose the element of surprise?

Look at you. I would not have missed this for the world.

You came all the way from New York just to make fun of me?

No, no. I got a new job. ln Chicago.


Yes, I gave the New York office my notice. lt is a huge, huge bump up for me, Lou. lt's everything that we used to talk about. lt seems like such a long time ago.

Well, not for me, it doesn't.

Why do you think I'm here?

I don't know. A sudden interest in the wild west?

Do you really have to ask?

No. I guess not.

Mmm. . .

Take a shower.

Hey, Scott. Aren't you staying for dinner?

Uh, I forgot, I have another appointment.

Tell Lou I'm sorry.

What about Pirate?

Oh, yeah.

[ Clears throat ]

l'll see if I can find out where he came from.

I can't believe I haven't picked up on this before.

Picked up on what?

All the signs are totally there.

Scott's in love with Lou, and he's secretly devastated about the arrival of the New York boyfriend.

. . .with stock options. They paid my moving expenses.

They gave me a great corner office with a killer view. lt's a total no-brainer.

This new job in Chicago, it wouldn't happen to be with Griffin & Sharpe, would it?

Yeah, yeah. How'd you know that?

Well, it's probably just a coincidence.

But I got a letter in the mail from them asking me to interview for a position.

Oh, cool. So, what'd you tell them?

Well, I didn't take it seriously.

Well, maybe you should have. lt's not like, uh, you've got a job in New York anymore.

Yeah. I guess I should've seen that coming, eh?

So did anyone say anything?


Come on, Carl. I know the drill. First you get fired.

Then you get trashed.

Which is why you should probably consider Chicago. lt's a happening firm. You'd fit right in there. I'm kinda working here right now.

Yeah, on the family farm? lt's, uh, it's quaint. But, frankly, I don't really see you as a farm girl.

There you are. Scott just left. I thought he was staying for supper.

Grandpa, you finally get to meet Carl.

Carl, this is my grandfather, Jack Bartlett.

Well, the New York boyfriend. Good to meet you.

Heard a lot about you, Jack.

Looks like you got a bit of the mother ship stuck to your ear there, Carl.

Which reminds me. I left my laptop in the rental.

Uh, you don't have to lock your car here, Carl.

How long is he staying?

Just a couple days.

I figure since Ben's away at a show, we could put him in here. ln your mother's room?


Well, that's, uh, the room that butts right up against, uh, your room.

Are you kidding? Give your big shot New York boyfriend my room? I'm not asking you. I'm telling you.

And where am I supposed to go? Sleep in a stall?

Pitch a tent out in the yard? Curl up in the manure pile?

No one said anything about kicking you out.

No way!

Well, that's about it. Thanks for your help.

Which bed is mine?

You're over there.


Just perfect.

All right.

Do you have WiFi here?

Nope. You'll have to downgrade to dial-up.

Where's your phone jack?

I think there's one in the house.

Hey, cowboy. We both know this sucks.

Personal issues aside, I get a ton of e-mail. I'm going to need internet connectivity here.

Trust me. You're sleeping over a barn full of horses, your internet connectivity is the least of your problems.

No, thanks.

You know, I saw a lot of oil wells, a lot of gas wells, on the drive up here.

They're all over the place. Frankly, I'm a little surprised.

Jack, as Lou knows, you're sitting on a goldmine here.

Well, this outfit's been in our family for six generations.

We don't look on it as an investment property.

No, I'm not talking about selling the farm. I'm talking about commodifying the mineral rights and just hook up with the oil companies. . .

Heartland is our home, Carl. lt's a, it's a horse ranch.

All right. Well, you just re-purpose a couple hundred acres off in some lost corner of the ranch.

You'd never even know. lt's a developer's dream. I've heard it all before.

Heartland Estates--

A million times.

Better yet, Heartland Executive Estates.

Might even buy in myself.

So, Carl, um, have you ever been around horses before?

Yeah, sure, when I was younger, my parents took me out to Dude Ranch every summer in Arizona.


So great, um, maybe you and Mallory could take Carl on a trail ride, Amy. I've got a lot of work to do, Lou.

But sure.

Have you been around horses lately, Carl?

No. But it's like riding a bicycle, right?

Once you learn, you never forget.

So your friend Carl sure has a lot of good ideas about how this place can make more money.

I know he comes off a bit corporate at first, but once he settles in you'll see what a fun guy he is.

Settles in? How long is he staying?

Just a couple days.

He's got a new job in Chicago that starts next week, so you can cool it with the attitude.

Are you planning on going with him?

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Not necessarily.

Four boxes of cake mix?

How many birthday cakes are you planning on making?

Just the one.

The others are for insurance, in case the first one's a flop.

When it comes to grandpa's birthday cake, failure is not an option.

You know, works starts pretty early around here.

Yeah? I'm on vacation.


Yeah, I'll be right there.

All right.

Look, I don't want to tell you what to do, but. . .

Never mind.

[ Noise ]

[ Dog barks ]

I see you just accidentally triggered our alarm system there.

Yeah, it's surprisingly efficient for such a low-tech security solution.

Well, most of the time it works real good.

But if it doesn't, there's always backup.

More ducks?

They're geese.

Just testing, Jack.

The thing is, Carl, the older you get, the lighter you sleep.

You know, a foot steps on the porch, a screen door slams, a bed spring squeaks.

You get my drift?

How's the vacation going so far?

Oh, my God! They're wearing matching outfits!

So what? lt's one of those signs.

You don't see it very often, but when you do, it's serious.

They're not matching. They're just both in black.

They're from New York.

So, Amy, in terms of prioritizing your schedule--

Hmm. . . Prioritizing?

I think what she means is, what are you going to do first?

I just need some feedback on the horses' progress so when I touch base with the clients. . .

Wait. Where are you going? I haven't finished yet. I'm just doing some prioritizing of my own.

Ty? I'm just doing whatever he tells me to do. lf you're looking for something to prioritize, we're running low on alfalfa cubes.

That's why we have a schedule, Amy. We make orders on Monday a.m.

You have a schedule?

Yeah, Lou's got it all figured out. That's why we're running low on feed. I'm going into Hudson anyway. But I was thinking of switching to pellets.

Mom never used pellets.

They're half the price of cubes.

Oh, it's useless to argue the bottom line with Lou.

Trust me, I've tried. lt's not about money.

Everybody knows that pellets aren't half as good as cubes.

You see what I have to deal with every day?

Maybe you should take that interview with Griffin & Sharpe.

Chicago's a great town.

Yeah. But I'm not going to Chicago, Carl. I'm going into Hudson with my grandpa.

And I was kind of hoping you'd come with us.

Oh, no, I drove through Hudson on my way in from the airport.

And I saw everything that there is to see in about 30 seconds that it took me to get from one end of the town to the other.

That's including the full stop that I made at the city's one stop sign.

I just. . . I hate the way Lou acts like the CEO of Heartland when Carl's around.

Just be happy you're not bunking with him.

At least you don't have to go riding with him.

He spent 15 minutes on a dude ranch when he was 12.

Whoa, dude. . . !

[ Horse snorts ]

What's wrong with this guy?

Maybe it's the whoa. Let me try something.

And whoa!

Of course. Verbal signals.

This horse is trained to respond to verbal signals.

Oh, so, you know how to make him stop. How do you make him go?

Hmmm. . .

Walk on.


Um. . .

Come on, let's go!

Move that big butt of yours! Come on!

Git along.

Whoa? Git along?

This horse speaks cowboy!

How about a nice new shirt? I've got too many damn shirts as it is.

There's got to be something here you want.

Well. . . I did notice that somebody bought a couple boxes of cake mix.

A nice piece of birthday cake after a meal with my family, wouldn't refuse that.

All right, Lou, your order of cubes is ready out back.

I thought I ordered pellets.

Oh, I figured it was a mistake.

I mean, your mom never cheaped out on feed.

But I can change it if you like.

Aw, just take the cubes, Lou.


What do you think? Cubes or pellets?

I always recommend the cubes.

I got some literature back at the clinic, if you're interested in voluntary feed intake and nutrition statistics.

Sounds fascinating, but I'm gonna have to take a rain check. I'll just take the cubes. lt's too bad you missed supper last night.

Lou outdid herself.

How about tomorrow? She's gonna make a cake.

And you could finally meet Carl.

Tomorrow? Oh, I'm up at Sheep River.

Uh, l, I gotta do all this vaccinating, and I don't think I'll be half done by dinner.

Too bad about Carl, though. How long is he staying?

That's what everyone seems to want to know.

Yeah, they call it Big Sky Country. I don't know.

Probably because there's not much else to see up here.

Yes, yes, I'm talking up the situation with Lou. lt's just that I gotta proceed with a bit of caution here. lf she ever found out that I set the entire thing up, she'd freak.


Yeah, just trust me on this one, Pete.

When she gets to Chicago, she's gonna be amazing.

You're gonna owe me big time on this.

Yes. Hello?




Whew! Talking on the phone.

For a minute there, I thought you were delusional.

Speaking of delusional.

Do you know that 99 percent of all people who claim they can ride a horse can't? I'm part of the one percent who can.

Still, everybody can use a refresher course.

Luckily, I'm a good teacher. And affordable. Ten dollars an hour. I'll tell you what, you want to make some cash?

Why don't you run and get my battery charger? lt's in my computer case.

Wow! A whole dollar! Whatever you say. . .

. . .dude.

How long's that guy Carl staying?

Don't worry. He'll be outta here before you know it.

What makes you so sure?

Well, he's got a job in Chicago--

So does Lou!


I heard him talking about how they owe him for setting this whole thing up. lt's pathetic what people will do for money.

Mallory, wait. Where are you going? I'm going to get Carl's phone charger. He's paying me a dollar.

A whole dollar. lt's worse than we thought!

Where did you get that?

Carl's computer case.

You were snooping?

You can thank me later.

You put that back right now.

Fine. I just thought maybe you'd be interested.


Can I see it?

What are you doing in here?


What kind of stuff? I'm running an errand for Carl. I'm getting his battery charger. He's paying me.

How much?

A dollar.

Hmm, it's out of my price range.

Too bad.

I was gonna ask you to help me turn out the horses.

Doesn't Amy usually do that?

Yeah. But I figured you could handle it.

Wait, Ty! I'll do it! lt won't even cost you a cent!

Lou, when you left the firm to go run the family business, I didn't realize that baking cakes was an integral part of the job description.

I know it might seem old-fashioned, but it's a tradition in our family.

Grandpa doesn't like a fuss.

But he does like a piece of cake on his birthday.

Does he like it rare, medium or well-done?

Oh, my God!


Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Ahh. . .

Luckily, I have insurance.


Can I have a word with you? Mano a mano.

What's on your mind, Carl?

This place Heartland is one hell of a ranch.

And I can see it means the world to you.

But I know Lou. She's. . . She just doesn't belong here anymore.

She's got an MBA, Jack. lt doesn't take an MBA to run a horse ranch.

Well, they don't run themselves, Carl. Cut to the chase.

Appreciate your candor, and your family values, and the manner in which you cling to tradition. . . which is why I thought it best that I should ask you first for your granddaughter's hand in marriage.

Well, like you say, Lou's a modern woman, and she'll make up her own mind whether she wants to marry you or not.


No matter what I think about it. I'd love to stay and help, but I've got to work with Pirate.

How's it going with him?

Good. I'm beginning to figure him out.

Uh, great.

So, hey, remember how you said you'd take Carl on a trail ride? lt'd be good if you could do it before he left.

Well, you know, trail rides can be pretty romantic.

Why don't you take him?

Who's gonna make this cake? I'll make it.

Okay, shut up. I don't want him to see I'm afraid of horses.

What difference does it make?

There aren't a lot of horses in Chicago.

What are you talking about, Amy? I'm not going anywhere.

You do like him, though?

Obviously, I like him. He's a lot of fun.

Fun? Really?

We had a lot of fun working together in New York. You know? lt's something I miss.

Are you in love with him? lt's not that simple, Amy. You think it is, but it's not.

Why? I mean, either you are or you aren't.

Things were different in New York. lt was like, we were both. . . lt was like we had the same. . .

Could you please just take him on a trail ride, Amy?

He's only here for a couple more days.

Would it be that hard for you to be nice to him?


I saw your truck parked out front there.

Wednesday. Vegetarian chili. I wouldn't miss it.


Ah, no, honey, I can't stay long.

Well, Lou's been doing some delegating.

I got stuck with the shopping.

I guess she's busy.

Her boyfriend from New York.

How long is he staying?

Long enough.

So maybe you can pass this on to Amy, save me the trip?

Red Rodeo Cowboy Girls?

I did some research on that rescued horse.

Picked up a saddle too. lt's back at the truck.

Well, I think this might be something that you might want to give to her yourself.

Another time, Jack.

Do you remember a couple of years back, we were bringing calves to be doctored up at Travis Cooley's place there?

Travis Junior was chasing that runaway, he built his loop, tossed it perfect, the calf zigged, his horse zagged, and his rope slips off.

Junior, he dove right off his horse, grabbed that calf's tail and got dragged all over hell's half acre.

But at the end of the day. . .

Dislocated shoulder. Broken nose. Various cuts and abrasions.

You're missing the point there, Scott.

I got the point. He never gave up.

Did I mention it's my birthday?

And how I'll be mighty disappointed if you're not sitting at the table, eating that cake that Lou has tried so hard to bake.

You know, the commands are right out of an old western.

Git along, giddy-up, whoa.

So how does he gallop?

I haven't got there yet. Maybe I need to watch a few cowboy movies.

I think I'm watching one right now. Check out the Dude.

This will be fun. Howdy there, partner!

Howdy. So, which one of these here critters is mine?

Not so fast, Carl. I've never seen you ride before, so we're just gonna go on a walking trail.

Single file, you stay behind me. And you need to wear a helmet.

None of you guys are wearing helmets, so. . .

Here's your helmet. This is your horse.

This is my horse. Oh, come on, guys.

I was kinda hoping to have something with a little more spark, you know?

Like maybe that one.

Pirate? No. Definitely not for beginners.

All right. I'll wear your helmet, but I am not gonna ride this nag.

Come on, it looks like you could set a bomb off next to his head, he wouldn't even blink.

This isn't a dude ranch, Carl.

I can't risk letting you get up on a horse you can't handle.

I can handle.


Come here. I want to show you something.

Look. Either you ride this horse, or you don't ride at all.

All right.

Hey, Grandpa, can it wait? I gotta take Carl on a trail ride.

You just take a look at this.

Wow, it's beautiful.

Scott found that at a yard sale. lt's in really good shape, but it's a trick riding saddle, Grandpa.

What am I gonna do with that?

That's the thing.

Take a look at this.

lt's Pirate!


Well, that makes perfect sense! He was a trick riding horse!

Hey, what are you doing?

Don't worry. That horse isn't going anywhere.


Ahhh! Oh! Whoa! Whoa!

Yee-haw! Who knew?

Come on, let's go!

Ahhh! Ahhh!

See? I told you I knew how to ride! Woo, hoo!

Whatever you do, don't say--

Whoa! Whoa!

Are you okay?

Uh, yeah, never better. Why do you ask?

Ah, it's, uh. . .

Come on, buddy.

What are you doing?

Fall off a horse, gotta get right back on, right?


Well, he rears on command too. I've got some arnica back at the barn. lt's good for superficial wounds.

Thanks. l, uh, appreciate the offer.

I was kinda hoping to show your sister my cuts and bruises.

[ Laughs ]

I guess that's a sign of true love, when you're willing to kill yourself in order to score some points.

True love? What are you, the family romantic?

No. I'm just trying to figure out why you and Lou hooked up.

Are you kidding me? We make a great team.

Yeah, I can sort of see it.

I mean, Lou's pretty pushy when it comes to the business end of things.

You say pushy. I say she's driven. She's energetic. She's focused.

I mean, come on, Amy.

Filling out feed orders and making schedules that nobody pays attention to.

Baking cakes? A trained monkey could do all that.

Meanwhile, Lou's career is on hold indefinitely.


So is that why you're here? To take Lou away from all this?

Seriously, Amy. Don't you want your sister to be happy?

Yeah. That's exactly what I want.

Scott! You've gotta help me with this.

I don't know how my mom did it.

Your mom had a trick, Lou.

Everybody loved her icing.

And here's why.

My Mother used icing from a can? That is genius! lf only the rest of life was this simple.

You know, Lou, Jack invited me here for his birthday dinner, but really I came here to talk to you.

Uh-oh. Last time you wanted to talk to me, I ended up getting drunk and singing karaoke.

And crying.

And crying.

So how long is it gonna take for you to get to the point this time?

What are you talking about?

Oh, come on.

You beat around the bush for weeks before you finally told me you were taking off to vet school.

And what about you?

You didn't even tell me you were planning to move to New York.

That was different.

I knew you would try to talk me out of it, so I couldn't tell you.

Well, that's sort of where I'm at now.

Oh, my God, Carl! Are you all right?

Yeah, I need, um, medical attention, honey. Lots of medical attention.

What happened?

Let's just say that, um, I'm thinking of giving up investment banking and joining the rodeo.

You got thrown?


Aah. . .

I should've left well enough alone after the first time, but I got back up.

And all I said was the magic word, and voila, he behaves like a circus horse.

You rode Pirate? ln a manner of speaking, yes.

He's a trick horse. He used to ride with the Red Rodeo Cowboy Girls.

A trick horse?

Git along.


LOU: Amy!

You know, I know you don't like Carl, but you didn't have to try to kill him!

I warned him not to ride Pirate. I tried to stop him.

Well, maybe you didn't try very hard.

He wouldn't take no for an answer. lf you think I deliberately tried to put a rider in danger--

Well, what else am I supposed to think?

You know what, maybe you should take that job in Chicago.

There is no job in Chicago.

Oh, yeah? Why don't you ask Carl? He's the one who arranged it for you!

You don't even know what you're talking about, Amy!


You leaving so soon? I thought you were staying for dinner.

Never mind.

Happy birthday, Jack.

Appreciate it.

Kinda wish I was going with you.

That was delicious. lf you'll excuse me.

Grandpa, wait. There's dessert.

Really? I'll get it.

Excuse me, people. I'd just like to take this opportunity to say a little something about a very special person. ln the days since you have, uh, welcomed me into your home, thank you for that, I have come to appreciate just what goes into running a ranch like this, and how it's all about family.

I thought I said no fuss.

Needless to say, you all, and this was the farthest thing from my mind when I first met Lou at the Strickland & Cook lunch room, and I knew right away that I had to get to know this totally hot and funny and intelligent and. . .

. . .spunky and forthright and beautiful young woman.

And did I mention hot?

Please, Carl, sit down and shut up.

Samantha Louise, will you marry me?

Uh, Carl. . .?


Oh, my God!

Mallory! You put it back like I told you, didn't you?

I meant to put it back. I tried to put it back. . . but I couldn't put it back, and then I forgot to put it back!

Where is it now?

I don't know!

Think. Where was the last place you had it? ln my riding pants pocket!

And where are the pants?

At home. ln the laundry!

I never took it out of the box.

Well, it's gotta be here somewhere, Carl.

Always the optimist.

Well, it didn't just walk out of here.

No. At least not under its own steam.

Hey, that's my stuff.

Yeah. So you say.

Oh, I get where this is going.

I didn't take your lousy ring.

No one is accusing you of anything, Ty.

Yeah, right. I'm really, really sorry.

Well, the important thing is, you brought it back. lt went through the washer, but I think it's still okay.

No harm done. lt's a really nice ring.

I mean, my dad gave my mom a semi-precious stone. lt was actually a mood ring, but they still got married.

Even though it stayed black for the entire engagement.

You can go now, Mallory.

Well, uh, so much for the surprise factor, but since practice makes perfect. . .

Lou Fleming, will you marry me?

Oh, my God, Carl, it is so beautiful.

Just like you.


I don't know what to say.

Yes. . .?

I know. You are overwhelmed, but trust me, Lou, this is going to be amazing.

We can be in Chicago by tomorrow night and--

Tomorrow? That's so fast.

Yeah, but you gotta have enough time to prepare for your interview on Thursday, right?


How did you know they want to interview me on Thursday?

You must've told me.

I never told you about that, Carl.

Yeah, sure you did. You just forgot.

With everything that's been going on, it's natural.

You arranged this whole thing, didn't you?

So what?

I want you to come with me.

The people in Chicago, they want you to come. lt's a family firm, Lou. They expect me to have a family.

Because I told them I was getting married.

Boy, I'd sure hate to read my performance review after that one.

"Ability to propose marriage, zero out of a possible ten."

But I swear to you, Lou. . . lt's not about a job.

I love you.

I love you. That's what this is about.

And I want you to marry me, because I love you.

Come on, Lou, say something.

I can't get this damn thing off my finger.

Ummm. . .

You know, you can always change your mind, Lou.

Keep your options open. I'll keep that in mind.

[ Phone rings ]


Take the call, Carl.

Howdy, partner.

Yes, I'm still in Big Sky Country, heading back to civilization as we speak.

There he goes.

The Dude.

Well, look on the bright side, Lou. He didn't overstay his welcome.

At least now everyone can stop asking me how long he's staying.

No regrets, then?

Thought I saw Carl on the road back there, heading out.


You know, I guess I feel kind of bad about how things turned out.

Yeah. Me too.

Yeah, right.

Git along.

That's a nice job you did with the icing, Lou. lt's my mom's recipe.