02x09 - Karmic Retribution

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Faking It...

Cluck-n-Go's a horrible corporation...

Less talk and more eating.

Don't eat that h*m* sandwich.

[Camera shutter clicks]

There's a lot about me you don't know.

I'm not your average girl.

You're not a phase to me.

I slept with somebody.

It's not like it was with Amy.

Get out!

[Phone vibrates]

Morning, Shrimp Girl.

You mean good morning, right?

It is a very good morning, but it can't compete with last night.

That was really...

Educational.

[Both chuckle]

[Alternative music]

♪ So give ♪

I got to go.

I'm catering a women's golf invitational.

Want to come?

Oh, my God.

What happened?

It's Karma.

What's today's drama?

Um...

She... she reminded me I have a huge test today, and I think I'm gonna fail.

[Chuckles] You'll be fine.

You're a really fast learner.

That goes right here.

Please be sure that it's straight.

Thank you. That goes up.

Where are my balloons?

What the hell is going on?

Oh, just one of Penelope's day-long team building exercises.

Last year we formed a conga line against conformity.

I'm the one who mocks this place, not you. What gives?

I just fired my trainer over our different fitness philosophies, but I'm confident he'll come to his senses.

In fact, I'm expecting a text any minute begging to get back together.

Like, seriously.

Any minute.

Must suck to be in love limbo.

I, on the other hand, told Theo that I was intersex last night, and he was completely accepting.

He said all the right things.

Good, because I'm not up for another kidnapping right now.

Have either of you seen Karma?

Mm-mm.

[Sighs]

I need to find her. She knows about me and Liam.

Shane and Lauren: She knows? You know?

Can we please stay focused here?

Sorry.

What can we do to help?

There's nothing you can do. There's no fixing this.

Our friendship is over.

Well, at least we're in public.

Plenty of witnesses. She'll probably let you live.

Oh, if I were in Karma's shoes, that would not stop me from going all Solange-in-an-elevator on your ass.

What?

Sorry.

Forgot we were being supportive.

[Microphone feedback]

[Upbeat music from speakers]

Are you ready to role-play?

You're getting out of class for the day, so fake it.

[Scattered cheers]

Okay, yeah. That was better.

Now, this year, we are going to be forming our very own future civilization, a society I'm calling...

Hesteria!

Hesteria will be divided into four distinct classes.

So soon you'll each draw lots to determine your clantribe.

You will dip your hands into the bowl of designation to determine your fate, your destiny...

Oh, God. There she is.

Okay.

I have personally designed each clantribe to maximize dramatic tension.

Karma...

Is it true?

I'm so sorry.

I'm the one who's sorry.

I'm sorry you had to go through this alone.

[Alternative music]

Okay, you're representing Hesteria.

So smile. Smile!

Here you go.

So you don't hate me? Not even a little bit?

Amy, this isn't your fault.

The only person to blame here is Liam [Bleep] Booker.

He took advantage of you the one time you were most vulnerable.

'Cause I know you wouldn't betray me like that, right?

Yep. That's... that's what happened.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?

Um, well, I wanted to, but, well, the thing is...

Liam forced you not to.

I knew it! He's such a master manipulating monster.

I can't believe it took me so long to see it.

All right, Hesterians, time to discover which clantribe you will be assigned to.

I'm a Raindweller?

Yes.

Raindwellers are the servile class.

They tend to the needs of the elite, aristocratic clantribe, the Cloudspinners.

That's me.

You are a lucky girl.

Cloudspinners hold all the power.

Their very word is law.

Hmm.

You even get to select a faithful Raindweller to serve you.

[Chuckles]

Um, maybe we should switch.

No, you can't switch.

That defeats the entire purpose of the social experiment.

Amy, it's fine.

Well, I thought as a Saladspinner...

You're a Cloudspinner.

Um, I thought my word was law, so I hereby decree that switching is allowed.

White is more my color.

[Chuckles]

I know she won't take me back, but I just need Karma to understand that it meant nothing.

I was heartbroken, and I made the biggest mistake of my life.

You think you have it bad? What about Amy?

Karma's gonna k*ll her.

k*ll her with kindness apparently.

That's weird.

If she's forgiven Amy, maybe that means she'll forgive me too.

Next.

I'm a Mudmover?

Same.

Mudmovers are the lowest social order.

Scum of the Earth, basically.

That sounds about right.

In what messed-up future would I be a Mudmover?

And where the [Bleep] is...

Theo.

[Indistinct chatter]

Uh, hey, you.

How weird is all this?

Brandi and I are both Firedancers.

Hey-ho, we're the po-po, yo!

Uh-huh.

Or, Theo, you could trade places with Leila.

Oh, Theo, don't go.

Who else is going to go splitsies with me on that pot brownie I just got?

This game's going to be so much better when we're tripping our balls off.

[Bleep] off, Brandi.

Theo's not a pothead, burnout loser like you.

He's switching with Leila.

Actually, I think I should go with Brandi.

Play by the rules.

What? But...

Just think of it this way.

You're a Mudmover. I'm a Firedancer.

We're star-crossed lovers. Kind of hot, right?

[Laughter]

Wait, Karma.

Glad to see you've had the time to cool down.

I mean, now we can talk.

I've got nothing to say to you.

Stay away from me, from both of us.

Karma, you can't just shut me out.

Um, actually, she's a Cloudspinner, so, technically, she can.

And as a cloudspinny-person, I don't want his kind anywhere near me.

Firedancers, remove this Mudmover.

Really?

You think I'm afraid of those?

You should be.

If they sh**t you, then you're dead, and you are banished to the subbasement, where you'll be watching old abstinence education films.

The state of Texas requires me to show them.

Trust me, they're t*rture.

Let's go, scum.

Eyes forward, buddy.

Hurry up, punk.

[Typing on phone]

Oh, writing quite the novel there, I see.

You okay, Liam?

Karma can't ignore me forever.

If I keep up my texting barrage, she'll have to respond eventually.

You know, maybe she's not getting your texts.

None of my texts seem to be coming through either.

I'm thinking there's a sun flare.

Attention, Mudmovers!

Because some among you can't seem to control your textual impulses, the Cloudspinners decree you should all relinquish your phones.

What?

Sorry, guys.

You can't be serious.

Don't make me use this, bro.

[Sighs]

Amy, what the [Bleep]?

Why is Karma forgiving you and blaming me?

What did you tell her?

I'm not the one who's been saying things I shouldn't.

You swore you'd never tell.

I'm sorry I broke that promise, but this isn't fair.

We both wanted to hurt Karma that night, and you know it.

You're letting me take the fall.

I thought you had more integrity than that.

Enjoy.

[Indistinct chatter]

Bye.

Oh!

Sorry, no Mudmovers allowed beyond this point.

Since you didn't seem to hear me the first time, I'll say it again.

[Bleep] off, Brandi, and also, stay away from Theo.

He's not going to be eating your special brownie.

Hmm, it's looking like he prefers brownie to Blondie.

[Scoffs]

Okay. Look alive, people.

We need to break into the Cloudspinners' lair.

Liam, you need your phone, so you can talk to Karma.

Shane, you need your phone, so you can stare at it pathetically until Duke texts.

And I need to keep Theo away from that slut-faced stoner.

So why are we just sitting around?

Lauren's right. We need a plan.

One that won't get us fake-k*lled and banished to the subbasement.

If only we could do the old Trojan horse trick, but they'd see that coming a mile away.

Like the Trojan horse from The Iliad?

We're reading it in third period English.

You're both in my class.

I was going to skim it.

I've been preoccupied.

Okay.

If everyone else is as oblivious as you two, this might actually work.

Thank you.

I think they shouldn't be allowed to look us in the eye, and we should tax them half their lunch money.

[Sighs] All of these ideas suck.

I want him to really suffer.

Him?

[Chuckles] Did I say "him"?

I meant those filthy Mudmovers.

Maybe you guys should lighten up on the Mudmovers.

If we'd drawn a different lot, we could easily be in their place.

In fact, Karma...

There's something you need to know.

What is it?

I just, um...

I heard that there's diet root beer over there on the snack table, your favorite.

Let me go grab you one.

Best friend ever.

And can you pour it over ice, please?

Aren't you worried that Karma may be taking this a bit far?

No, I mean, it's just a stupid game, right?

That's what they said about the Stanford prison experiment.

What's that? It sounds like a bad jam band.

No, it really happened.

They divided students into prisoners and guards, and the guards ended up getting so drunk with power that they did horrible things.

Could I get that diet soda today, please?

[Groaning]

What is she doing here?

She's a filthy Mudmover.

We lowly Mudmovers offer our Cloudspinner overlords this tribute as a token of our fealty and obedience.

We accept this tribute.

Guys, hey! Hey, guys!

That's clearly a Trojan horse.

Give us our phones, and nobody gets nerfed.

Off with her head!

Big words, Lisbeth.

But tomorrow this game will be over, and then where will you be?

The tiny blonde Mudmover is under my protection.

I told you to stay away.

Karma, please, just listen to me.

Why, so you can tell me more lies?

We were heartbroken and angry and really, really drunk.

We both wanted to hurt you in the worst way possible.

Amy, back me up.

Karma...

You leave her out of this!

There's no excuse I can give you.

I know that.

But you made me feel things that I've never felt before.

Oh, so now it's my fault for giving Liam Booker feelings?

No, it's our fault. We did this, Amy.

Amy, tell her!

Stop saying "we"!

I get that you'll never forgive me.

But I just need you to know that I loved...

No, I love you.

♪ Can nothing keep me here? ♪

Karma.

♪ Still no one can compare ♪

Go to hell.

♪ How long can something ♪

Fine.

I'll go to hell, if that's what you want.

♪ Watch me disappear ♪

This isn't over!

Can you believe he tried to take you down with him?

All right, Mudmovers, move out!

[All chanting "Liam"]

Mudmovers, come on.

Keep it moving, scum.

Unbelievable!

Shane turned Liam into a martyr like he's a [Bleep] mockingjay or something.

Really? I'm getting more of an Obama-hopey-changey vibe.

I'm not going to let him get away with this.

We're going to expose Liam Booker for what he really is.

Which is what, a werewolf?

I never told you this, but Liam's family owns Skwerkel.

He's a liar and a hypocrite, protesting a company he'll inherit one day.

You've already publicly ex*cuted him.

Wouldn't doing more be the definition of overkill?

I thought that I could avoid Liam, but clearly, that's not possible.

So I'm just going to destroy his reputation till he's so despised, he has to transfer schools.

Karma, this is real-life stuff.

If feels like you're crossing a line.

He crossed the line first, didn't he?

[Sighs]

Now please go tell Penelope that I'm calling an assembly in the cafeteria.

And hurry.

[Sighs]

Put that on there.

Thank you.

Cock that back. Now sh**t.

This Mudmover is under my protection.

They get it, Lisbeth!

Theo, can I talk to you?

Sure, what's up?

I want the truth. Just tell me now.

Did you eat Brandi's brownie figuratively or literally?

I told you I'm not into dr*gs, and I'm not into Brandi either... I like you, Lauren.

Then why did you want to avoid me all day?

Is it because...

Okay, now I get what this is about.

You shared something huge with me, and now you think I'm changing my mind.

What? No. I...

Okay, yes. Are you?

No. I meant what I said last night.

I don't care that you were born a little different.

I think you are the strongest, sexiest, most amazing girl I've ever met.

[Sighs]

No matter what happens, nothing will ever change that.

Then why does it always feel like you're pulling away?

I feel like I'm going crazy.

There's something you need to know.

I wanted to tell you earlier, but I couldn't.

Attention, citizens of Hesteria.

By the order of the Cloudspinners, all clantribes are to assemble in the cafeteria immediately.

[Bleep] Karma!

Meet me in the courtyard after school. I'll explain everything.

Okay.

[Sighs]

[All chanting "Liam"]

Remember Liam! Never forget.

He d*ed for our phones!

We are all Liam!

I am Liam.

[All chanting "I am Liam"]

[Bullhorn feedback]

Attention, Mudmovers, you all think that your precious martyr Liam is so perfect?

Well, I have news for you.

Karma, don't do this.

He's not who you think he is.

Remember when we were all protesting Skwerkel, and Liam was our fearless leader?

Well, it turns out...

I'm sorry.

Amy, did you just k*ll me?

It was for your own good.

Now you have to stop talking and go to the basement.

[Sighs]

Die, traitorous assassin.

Oh! Okay, okay, I get it.

I'll go too.

They made us wear these brown sacks, and they took our phones.

Who knows what important texts we're missing?

They can't Nerf us all!

¡Viva la revolución!

k*ll them all!

[All yelling]

Liam! Liam! Liam!

Do you remember when you told me that I might...

I might have such strong feelings about a boy that it might be hard for me to decide what's right to do?

It was something like that tonight with Jeff.

You know, I like him an awful lot, and we... we have such fun dances.

But tonight, the feeling between us kept getting stronger and stronger.

Okay, it's been, like, 15 minutes.

Karma, say something.

Fine, I will.

How could you?

I couldn't let you do something you would regret forever, just like when you rein me in if I go too far.

Telling everyone Liam's family secret...

Wait.

Which is...

Karma, you were really going to do that?

You said the truth was so important to you, but you're filled with secrets.

Someone had to expose you for the fraud that you are.

Don't like it?

Go cry to your rich mommy about it.

Karma, come on. Lay off.

Liam's family stuff is a lot more complicated than that.

Wait, how the hell would you know?

Was this more than a one-time thing?

No, it was one time.

I only went to Liam's house to keep him from telling you about us.

So Liam wanted to tell me, but you stopped him?

Karma, it's not like that.

Amy was just trying to save you the pain.

No.

It is like that.

I was selfish. I couldn't face what I did.

It was horrible. It was the worst thing I've ever done.

The worst thing I could ever do.

But you can't blame Liam and not me.

Either you forgive us both, or... you hate us both.

Fine.

Then I hate you both.

Experiment's over, guys.

Karma?

Uh...

Oh, okay.

[School bell rings]

Hey, you get that text you were waiting for?

Ah, no, just a Skwerkel-alert saying Duke signed with Cluck-n-Go and grew a beard.

And not in the sexy way, in the "Taylor Swift dating Taylor Lautner" way.

Well, I think you're better off without him.

I wish I believed that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go fall into a black hole of cyber-stalking and pinkberry. Care to join?

No, thanks. I'm waiting for Theo.

Passing up fro-yo for Theo?

He really must be the one.

♪
♪ What do I have to do ♪
♪ to make you forgive me? ♪
♪ I wouldn't even tell the world ♪
♪ if you could hear I'm sorry ♪
♪ What do I say to make it ♪
♪ What do I have to do? ♪
♪ What will release me? ♪
♪ What do I have to do? ♪
♪ What do I have? ♪
♪ What do I have to do? ♪
♪ What do I have? ♪
♪ What do I have? What do I have? ♪
♪ What do I have to do? ♪