02x11 - Stripped

[bunniefuu]

female narrator: Previously on "Faking It"...

You did the one thing you knew I could never forgive.

This is where you decide whether or not I'll be in your life anymore.

Wait.

Was any of it real?

No.

You're done with the art nonsense.

You'll start an internship at Skwerkel instead.

You know Liam did this, right?

Apparently someone sent a link of Duke's double account to TMZ.

I am in love with Shane Harvey.

Lauren: Thank you all for your support.

I can't wait to be your president.

Does this mean you forgive me?

No.

I love you.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry. It just slipped out.

How many times do I have to tell you, we're just good buddies who occasionally have sex.

And if that's too confusing for you, then maybe we should stop.

Yeah. Yeah, I get it.

My mouth just forgot.

[cell phone beeps]

[bleep].

We're going to be late.

To be continued.

Just give me a sec.

Lauren? Are you okay?

It's been two weeks since you broke up with that boy.

Who? What boy?

Oh, that Theo guy? I barely knew him.

If that's true, then why are you so angry?

I'm not angry. I'm stressed.

As class president, I'm now a role model, which means I can't be late.

So tell Amy she can take the bus.

Amy! You've got five seconds till I come up there and drag you out of bed!

I'm here. Jeez.

If you want to ride with Lauren, she just left.

Oh, it's okay. Karma and Liam are picking me up.

Darling, I know I haven't been the best model for healthy relationships, but even I can tell that's a terrible idea.

Karma and I spent the past two weeks talking everything out, and she's totally forgiven me for sleeping with Liam.

I hope you're right.

But if she comes at you with a sharp object, run.

♪ Walking down the sidewalk ♪
♪ Is that the way that you want to be seen? ♪

[cell phone vibrates]

Oh, is that Reagan?

Let me guess. Did she propose?

Very funny.

No, she texted a pic from our camping trip.

That's not at all how I pictured it.

Not that I pictured anything.

[laughs]

It was really nice of you to drive us to school today.

What can I say?

I'm a good buddy.

And plus, this way I can keep an eye on you two.

[laughs]

I am kidding, guys. Jeez.

I told you, I'm over it.

Let it go.

Karma, are you sure you're over it?

What? Why do you ask?

I just sense this edge in your voice, and you're still not wearing your friendship necklace.

Oh, are we still doing that?

[chuckles] I mean, don't you think they're a little childish?

We are 16. We've already been arrested.

And we're not virgins anymore, thanks to this guy.

Trust me. So over it.

[school bell rings]

Look at me, a professional MMA fighter holding hands in public with a super-hot boyfriend.

See? Stars... they're just like us.

It's almost like whoever outed you did you a favor.

Almost, except that bitter, little dickwad didn't realize that when Cluck-N-Go dropped me, Swiftly would come to my rescue.

If I ever find out who he is...

Okay, Dukey, save it for the ring.

I'm sorry. You're right.

You always know how to talk me down.

You okay? I'm being all shrimpy, and you seem distracted.

You're hiding something. I think I know what it is.

You do?

Yeah. Lauren got elected class president over you.

She's played the inter-sex card, okay?

The school will turn on her when they see her radical... agenda.

All right, you're next. Step forward, please.

Student IDs, please.

Uh, I threw mine away last year.

Horrible pic. I tried this new eyebrow-raise thing, and it did not work.

Penny, we got another one.

It's okay. This young man is a student.

What about this yahoo?

Uh, he's not a student.

This is my professional MMA fighter boyfriend.

Now I've seen everything.

Penelope, what the [bleep] was that?

I know. I'm sorry.

Trust me, I didn't hire him.

Then who did?

The new principal.

This is a perfect opportunity to prop up your softening poll numbers.

What are you talking about? People love me.

People love the idea of you. The reality? Not so much.

Everyone had hopes that you would be a more inspirational leader.

Perhaps if you talked more about being inter-sex.

Zip.

Okay, then talk about how Theo betr...

Zip. We discussed this.

Public figure, private person.

Okay.

Then your only other option is to stand up to this new principal.

Rally the school behind you.

I'm sorry, Wendy.

We'll have to pause this conversation.

Someone is sitting at our table.

Pipe down, Evita.

There are no reserved tables in the cafeteria.

There are now. I enacted the measure last week.

So, if you don't mind...

You know what, Lauren? I'm so glad you have something to cling to since Theo's tragic betrayal.

But don't forget who really calls the sh*ts around here... me.

[both laugh]

Lauren: Oh, Shane.

Bitter really suits you.

Hey.

Can we talk about Karma?

Can we talk about Karma?

You go.

You go. Ladies first.

I will cut you.

Then I'll go first.

Karma says that she's forgiven us, but I don't think she has.

I know. She called these necklaces childish.

Well, she has a point.

Didn't you win them playing Skee-Ball?

No. It was the claw machine.

[Penelope on PA] Attention, all students, please make your way to the quad for a mandatory assembly.

Ladies first.

Ugh!

Gandhi once said the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service.

And I look forward to serving you as Hester's new...

[gulps] Vice principal.

As of today, we have a new leader...

Principal Turner.

boy: What's the deal?

Thank you, Vice Principal Beaver.

It's Bevier.

Kids, I'll be honest with you.

I am not an inspirational leader.

I'm not here to tell you to dream big or reach for the stars or any of that bullcrap.

The recent drug bust exposed a school with dangerously loose academic standards and a complete disregard for how things are done in the real world.

I am here to fix that.

Trust that it's for your own good.

[crowd booing]

Lauren Cooper, sophomore class president.

You must let me give you a tour.

And, no, I won't take no for an answer.

We got to stop this guy.

Let's meet after school and come up with a plan.

Uh, I can't today. I've got to go to the dentist.

This is important.

I heard he turned the art studio into a storage room.

And I'm really upset about it.

But he books up weeks in advance.

[sighs] Penelope.

That guy's going to destroy everything this school stands for.

You don't think that I know that?

But I barely kept my job, and I have three cats to feed.

I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do.

But if a certain student leader were to rally the school in protest.

Okay, I'm blushing. Stop.

I'll do it.

You're gonna talk to Lauren.

Thank you. I got to keep my hands clean.

You want to talk about what's wrong?

[sighs] Well, let's see.

Now I'm not just the girl who lied about being a lesbian, [sighs] I'm also the daughter of the drug dealers who destroyed the school.

So fun.

You're having feelings.

How about I'll come over after school and we'll eat them together?

Isn't today your mom's meatless meat loaf Monday?

[chuckles] Oh, uh, that got canceled.

Mom's got a really bad hangnail.

It's infected.

Trust me, you don't want her hands in your food.

Bye.

man: Skwerkel Headquarters. Please hold.

Hey, Liam!

Hey, Janet.

How's your husband's bunion?

Doctor says it isn't infected.

Oh, good. I was worried.

We meet again, young Jedi.

[both imitating lightsabers whooshing]

I'll never join you on the Dark Side.

We'll see.

[both grunting]

[grunts]

Nice move, Booker.

Okay, back to work.

You mean back to Skwerk.

[both laugh]

Hey, Yoda.

Do you know where the interns sit?

Yeah. I do, because that is where I sit.

It's this way.

My name's Liam.

Zita.

So, what brings you to Skwerkel, Zita?

Uh, last week I popped the wrong pills and wrecked my dad's precious Tesla.

So it was either an internship here or boarding school in Florida.

And not Miami. Tampa.

So here I am. Yay.

Well, we're in the same boat, 'cause I, too, am here against my will.

Right.

[scoffs]

The school converted the football field into an organic vegetable garden.

You got to be kidding.

That's just the beginning.

They replaced AP calculus with yarn arts.

Everyone had to knit a sweater for the final.

I couldn't make this shi... stuff up.

Miss Cooper, you seem as horrified by this place as I am.

How were you possibly elected president of your class?

Because I've learned how to manipulate these idiots.

And, boy, do you need my help.

Oh, do I?

You've got to get the students on your side before there's a protest.

Trust me, we're barely in class as it is.

Hey, boo-boo.

Miss me?

Uh, Amy, what are you doing here?

Oh, well, it took me four years to read Fifty Shades, and I figured you'd want it back, stat.

What is happening here?

Where are all your things? You love things.

Uh, you know, spring cleaning.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Oh. Sorry. I, um... I can come back.

Why are you here now? Who's this?

Uh... Felix here is my new...

GBF.

He's helping me take my wardrobe from drab to fab.

Isn't that right, Felix?

Yes, I am.

And not only am I gay, I am also a walking stereotype.

[Karma laughs]

Oh, you're so dramatic, Felix.

Uh, we have a lot of work to do.

So I will call you tomorrow, yeah?

But...

Yeah. All right. Bye.

I can't believe you told her I was gay.

Do you think she bought it?

Students of Hester High, there are certain personal freedoms you will no longer be able to enjoy.

Are you tired of being treated like a criminal?

I'm Lauren Cooper, and I feel the same way.

I mean, what's the point of having lockers if there are no doors on them, am I right?

We're not allowed to park on campus anymore.

And worst of all, we have to carry these.

It's inhumane.

Why should all of us be punished for the crimes of a few?

That's why I worked with Principal Turner to create Hester's new Verified Program.

Now I can drive to school and use a normal backpack.

I have all of the freedoms I enjoyed before.

And getting verified is simple.

Just sign the new code of conduct, get fingerprinted, and agree to random drug tests, because if we have nothing to hide, what's the big deal?

"What's the big deal"? Is she serious?

Hey, nobody's going to fall for that.

Congratulations. You're verified.

What is happening?

Hey, Shane, have you met Karma's new mysterious gay friend?

Are you kidding me? Is he full of witty retorts?

How's his fashion sense? Is he cute? Cuter than me?

I don't know. I only met him once.

His name is Felix.

Felix.

Oh, the new guy in my yarn arts class?

Oh, thank God he's not gay.

You're sure?

Trust me. My gaydar is 100% accurate.

Well, with guys.

If that's true, then why would he fake being gay?

Yeah. Who would do such a terrible thing?

He's Karma-ing Karma.

He's pretending to be gay so he can gain her trust and seduce her.

Uh-huh. Will you excuse me one second?

Lauren: Hi, Brenda.

Thumbprint.

Brenda, what the [bleep]? You're getting verified?

I'm sorry, Shane. I just really need the parking.

You should join her. It's easy.

Just click here to accept the terms and conditions.

If you don't mind, I'd prefer to read them first.

What?

Have any of guys read this?

This is longer than my grandma's Christmas letter.

They want us to play by their rules.

But Hester High has always been about breaking the rules.

We question tradition. We trust each other.

We stand up for the little guy. Can I get an amen, Brenda?

Amen.

You guys, there's no need for another silly protest. They never work anyway.

Maybe that's because they've never been as epic as this one.

Fellow students, if Principal Turner wants to strip us of our rights, then maybe we should strip to protect them.

Naked protest! Naked protest!

all: Naked protest! Naked protest! Naked protest!

And then, as if the day wasn't bad enough, we had to use the service elevator.

[both laughing]

Oh, son.

I dropped by to tell you I heard you're doing great work, and you're late.

What are the odds?

I was held up at school.

Mm. Well, luckily, Zita's been a delightful distraction.

[sighs]

You didn't tell me your dad was the CEO.

He's kind of hot.

What? It's true.

You could tell he'd be into it.

Oh!

Sheesh. Such a prude.

Trust me, not a prude.

And stay far away from that man.

He eats children's souls for breakfast.

Wow.

You really don't like him.

Booker, Skwerking hard?

Hardly Skwerking.

These people actually enjoy working here.

I can't piss all over that.

Hmm.

Well, if you really hate it so much, then why are you here?

That is a long story.

Sounds juicy. Take your time.

Embellish the good parts.

Oh, come on. You can trust me.

Who am I going to tell? All my friends are in rehab.

Okay. Um, where do I begin?

All right, Hester, when I say "We have nothing to hide," everyone take off your clothes.

N-U-D-E!

all: You can't take my rights from me!

N-U-D-E!

You can't take my rights from me!

N-U-D-E!

You can't take my rights from me!

N-U-D-E!

You can't take my rights from me!

We need to talk.

N-U-D-E!

all: You can't take my rights from me!

Lauren, it's not too late. Go tell them you made a mistake.

But I didn't, Wendy.

I support everything Principal Turner is doing.

You're not the same candidate I voted for.

Lauren.

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

You blocked my calls.

I need to tell you that I lied to you.

Yeah, I know. How stupid do you think I am?

No. When you asked if any of it was real, I only said no because my boss was listening.

I don't know what game you're playing, but it's not going to work.

all: N-U-D-E!

You can't take my rights from me!

All right, students!

You have ten seconds to disperse.

After that, everyone here will receive Saturday detention for a month.

girl: Is he for real?

I know you all hate these new rules.

A real politician would get up here and tell you they hate them too, but I won't pander, especially when that's not how I feel.

Hester isn't the same place it used to be.

Nobody knows that better than me.

We were humiliated. We were used.

[students murmuring]

We were betrayed.

[murmuring continues]

These rules are here to protect us, because we can't let our guard down like that again.

[feedback whines]

Protect us from what, Lauren?

We have nothing to hide.

[all gasp]

What the [bleep]?

And even though all she wants to be is friends with benefits right now, I know that if I wait it out, she'll forgive me.

Mm, I hate to be blunt, but...

Actually, I love to be blunt, because I speak the truth, and you need to hear it. Give up.

No, no, no. You don't know her.

I don't need to. You screwed her best friend.

Game over. It's a lost cause.

Not us, okay? We have something special.

Oh, Liam, how can be so rich and so naïve?

[cell phone beeps]

5:00. We're free.

[sighs]

Whoa. Hey, hey.

I just had to get you alone.

I... can't stop thinking about you.

I get mistaken for other people a lot.

I have a pretty common face.

[laughs]

Come on.

Tell me you didn't feel the connection between us last night.

It was electric.

It was?

I mean, it was... so electric.

But I thought you were a lesbian.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

I've never labeled myself.

I'm more attracted to the person.

And you are a person to whom I am definitely attracted.

And I think the feeling is mutual.

If only you weren't gay.

Uh, yeah.

Um, about that.

What the [bleep] is going on?

Is it your goal to seduce every guy in my life?

Just when I thought I could trust you again.

You can. I was just exposing Felix for the fraud that he is.

He's straight. He was only pretending to be gay so he could seduce you.

Whoa! What? Wait a second.

I am straight, yeah.

But I would never do something like that.

What kind of person would?

Well, I can't believe you lied to me.

Okay. No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I can't go along with this anymore.

If you're not going to tell her, then I will.

[sighs]

Tell me what?

Why I was in her bedroom last night.

Because... it's not my bedroom anymore.

It's his.

There we go.

I'm going to leave you two alone.

I don't understand.

Since the drug bust, we're broke... so broke that we had to rent out our house to Felix's family.

So we're basically homeless, only we own a home.

We just can't afford to live in it.

[sighs]

I'm sorry. Why didn't you tell me?

I'm living in the juice truck in my backyard. It's humiliating.

There's nothing humiliating about it. It's not your fault.

Now, those bangs you got in fourth grade, that was humiliating.

You can get through this, but you have to let me help.

But we just got through some really heavy stuff.

Exactly.

And we're so much stronger because of it.

You're my best friend.

We don't need these childish necklaces to prove it.

I don't think they're childish.

I lost mine when we were moving everything into storage.

Well... we can share mine.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

[chuckles]

Ooh, it'll be like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

No, it's not.

Hey, Karma?

Hey, hey, I know it's late, but I just wanted to tell you that I told a friend our story today, and they called me naïve because I still have hope for us.

I love you, and I'm not giving up.

And if you can't find your hope right now, then that's okay, because I have enough for us both.

Look, buddy, I don't know what you heard, but I'm not gay.

What are you doing in Karma's room?

You should talk to her about that tomorrow.

Felix.

Who was that?

Wrong number, Dad.

Don't worry about it.