01x06 - Constant Cravings

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Wynonna Earp...

You wait until everyone you love is in agony.

All I want are the scumbags who came for Ward Earp.

But I have a picture of all seven standing by your dad's dead body.

I know you've been looking for a Stone Witch?

I have her name.

(loud bang)

I have encountered this before at the B.B.D.

Kandahar?

We're all guilty of something, right, Earp?

We can't.

(thump)

(groaning)

C'mon, baby. Use... the force...

Crap. (grunting)

See, you're dead. Again.

And unlike revenants, you can't come back to life.

(grunting)

Except as a ghost, I'll haunt your ass sideways.

Come on. Nope.

Stay focused, Earp. I want you here... now.

That's what all the boys say.

Oh, yeah?

(yelling)

No... No.

No.

Dead.

Wake up!

Break his shoulder.

Or we could just go for a beer. Come on.

(groaning)

Come on. Find my weakness.

Ice cream? The Clippers? Thongs?

The revenants are going to win, you're going to fail, and then we're all going to die.

(grunting)

(cheering)

Say my name, bitch!

No, I mean... Make your peace. It's my new jam.

(humming)

Good job.

You think I don't listen, but I do.

Yeah, you've limbered up.

Yoga.

No, it's something else.

What?

What makes you say that?

Yoga fosters serenity and I see zero evidence of that.

No inner rest for the wicked.

'Cause I still have a hideous to-do list.

Show that to Waverly.

See if she can identify the last two revenants.

Way ahead of you.

Except for the showing her part, which I am going to do.

At dinner. Come with? It's on you.

I got to clean up.

You got to loosen up. Later!

(grunt)

♪ This time around ♪
♪ We'll never stop ♪
♪ Tell me baby ♪
♪ Are you on my side ♪

(chuckling)

(music quiets)

Hello?

(snorting)

(chuckling)

(roaring)

(squelching)

♪ 'Cause I gave you all I've got to give ♪
♪ And no, that ain't no way to live ♪
♪ I told that devil ♪
♪ To take you back ♪
♪ I told that devil to take you back ♪

You said Clootie would be there.

No, I said it was her last-known name and address.

And that much is a goddamned gift.

Well, your "gift," as you call it, was useless.

Tits on a bull.

Then she's in the wind.

And I'm thinking you're the reason she ran.

Know any idea why that would be?

The one that comes to mind, I mean, perhaps, is that I want the witch dead.

(throat clearing)

I sympathize with your predicament.

I'm also two spits away from finding the one thing that I want most in this world.

But damned if I can't turn it up now.

Why would that be, Doc?

I really don't give a sh*t.

(chuckling)

See, my interest in you has waned and I have located other parties whose pursuits are more... comparable to mine.

Really.

(low voice) I will leave your tongue flapping out your windpipe.

You'll be pulling lead out of your ass for months.

(click)

I'm bored.

Leave if you want.

Go get dead.

Only one death scared me.

And it didn't take.

Bobo.

Where the hell is everyone, Torque?

This is all that showed up to work today, boss.

Maybe what you pussies need is a little motivation.

(whirring)

Please, boss! (yelling)

(cell dinging)

Oh!

Woop!

Ugh! Ever hear of manscaping?

Hey, that was meant for private eyes.

Don't tell me you're back chomping at the Champ. Come on.

He is just so beneath you.

Uh, yeah, he is.

Gross, dude. There is more to life than crazy hot, toe-curling, out-of-body, back-into-body, angels-singing-Hallelujah sex.

Wait, wait. Hold up. Whose truck are you borrowing?!

Please. I can get from here to there on my own horsepower, thank you.

Wait, who is it? Is it Dolls?

Please.

What's up, Waverly?

I never see you.

Yeah, I know.

Between late shifts at Shorty's and well, you know, my sister's back in town, so.

Hey, Hetty!

(bell dinging)

Order up! Hetty, you hustle that butt before food gets cold!

Coming, Mama! She keeps wondering who does such "terrible things."

Probably someone with a big bug up their ass.

Wait... Coffee? More coffee?

Not getting any better, hon.

But I know that some day people will see through the noise and understand what a beautiful soul you are.

Let's get serious.

Ugh, God, I hate that picture.

I love it. Reminds me why I'm needed.

Two left.

Faceless is a pain-in-my-ass mystery.

But this one...

You know anything about Neck Tattoo here?

Uh...

Yeah, looks like an old cattle brand.

For that sort of stuff, Uncle Curtis used to go and see...

No. No, no, no.

Who?

No, nobody goes out there unless they really have to.

Who is this person nobody goes to see unless they have to?

The Blacksmith.

(intense music)

Tell me more about this Blacksmith.

In 10 words or less? 'Cause that's all Waverly had.

Artist, loner, mucho info about the Triangle.

OK, so are they going to help us with a revenant, some revenants, or what?

Look.

I'm the one with the vendetta. Why are you gunning so hard?

(click)

Ooh! What?

Don't move. Landmine.

Oh, good. There's more.

And it comes with accessories.

Always been branded a bad girl, just didn't expect it to happen for real.

You know, the only thing I hate more than trespassers is an Earp. I mean, I can feel your negative energy from here.

But landmines and a magical hot poker scream good vibes?

Who's your barely disguised friend?

FBI, CIA, UPS?

Don't ask. It takes him like, five minutes to explain and we don't have time. I'm kind of in the sh*t, and you're the only one who can help.

Why should I?

Because if you don't help us, you're going to be helping things far worse than an Earp.

Good answer.

Thanks.

(sighs)

Alright. Come on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hello!

How do you deactivate...?

Great Gaia, it's not live.

What do you think I am?

One, two, three.

(scream)

(sighs)

(machinery humming)

Hard-core.

That's what it means?

That's what they were. These are livestock brands from the late 1800s till now. Registered and unregistered.

So you made all of these?

No. I've collected them here as a reminder.

Those who are marked... who are chosen... often did not choose it themselves.

I feel you, sister.

The Tate family were cattle rustlers.

They stole livestock and rebranded it as their own.

Any Tates still in the area?

Not that I know of.

You're in pain. I felt it straightaway.

Just a cold going around.

There's a battle.

Deep inside.

Your soul is being torn. You must protect it.

Let me make you a salve.

Hey. You got one that'll cure "crotchety curmudgeon-itis"?

'Cause he's got a raging case.

We got everything we need.

Come on, Earp.

Sorry. He's not used to acting normal... human.

Thanks for your help.

(footsteps)

(birds chirping)

Waverly: God, there's just so much.

Champ: Yeah. Curtis spent the last few years of his life hand-picking it, from the Badlands to the Rockies.

And you know that because...?

'Cause every time he went out, I did two things, drive and dig.

Curtis had a nose for buried stuff.

He was kind of like you, into the... into the past of where things come from and stuff before today, uh...

You mean like "history"?

Yep.

How can somebody so pretty be so smart, huh?

Because they're not mutually exclusive.

'Member the last time we got mutually exclusive?

Now that was historic, eh?

Huh? Right?

Babe.

Not in front of my legacy.

What's this?

Oh, my God. Uncle Curtis.

It's his handwriting.

What is it?

It's a poem.

(fart sound)

"There once was a girl from Nantucket..." Huh?

(chuckling)

(door opening)

Hands off my sister, nine seconds!

It was eight seconds, loser.

Waves. In your research, you come across any "cattle rustlers"? Tate family?

Yeah, sure. I guess somewhere along the way they went legit because they eventually morphed into Tatenhill.

As in Tatenhill Farms?

Totally organic operation, grass-fed...

Neck Tat?

Think so.

(loud gasp)

Waverly: What the hell?

1200 stage one Screaming Eagle!

Yeah, I hauled it for Waverly.

No, Curtis's will stipulated that the bike goes to Wynonna.

What?

(scream-laughing)

I knew we were soulmates.

Ohhh!

(Wynonna purring)

What am I going to name this sexy beast?

Doc!

Never seen a cowgirl look more at home in the saddle.

Bend your ear a moment, Wynonna? In private?

(door opening)

You're here! Why are you here?

I just... 'Cause of course, you can be.

It's just, I wasn't expecting...

That would be weird. Why would I?

When it comes to understanding the delicate nature of women, I'm not the fastest draw in the west.

And I always find it difficult to make the request of a lady.

But you know, we...

We? There's no "we."

'Cause if there was, that would just be way...

Exactly.

Yeah, exactly.

Wait, what are you asking me?

Wynonna...

I need you to arrange a meeting for me with Deputy Marshal Dolls.

Yes, but with all due respect, sir, I heard you the first time.

Sir, the supply is low. I had to dilute some of the...

(heavy breathing)

Look, I need more.

I understand.

(phone clattering)

Wynonna: Yo, Dolls!

Yes. I'll be right out.

(sighing)

(knocking)

You know, there are some things...

He wants to talk to you.

About what exactly?

I don't know. He's right here.

Could you kindly convey to Deputy Marshal Dolls that the nature of my visit is earnest?

Nope. Not getting in the middle of this.

Besides, there is one sprinkle donut out there with my name all over it.

(door slamming)

I know you and me, we're as different as whiskey and tea. But I find myself in the compromising position of needing your help.

Well, tea's getting cold, Holliday. What's up?

I'm looking for a woman. Used to go by the name of Constance Clootie. Now she uses the alias C.C. Stone.

Bobo's lawyer?

And the witch responsible for my tenure at the bottom of that godforsaken well.

Witch... the Stone Witch?

I don't know her by that name.

Why should I help you?

Well, because I know how badly you want information on one Bobo Del Rey?

I need evidence of his more unearthly activities.

You get me that and we have a deal. You understand?

But then again, he wasn't the risk-taker that I am.

You have the day to deliver.

(quiet groaning)

Is it official? Are you two going steady?

Yeah, we've come to an agreement.

So how do you feel about cows?

(intense music)

(distant mooing)

(loud thump)

(Dolls coughing)

OK, so we need this one alive. HQ says we're not delivering.

They need hard evidence of revenant activity... quid pro quo for the resources they provide.

What resources? You won't even buy me dinner.

Could you please take this seriously just one goddamned time?

OK. A, the last guy who talked to me like that got a nail g*n to the nads.

And B, creepy dude.

Farmhouse porch. 2 o'clock.

Oh, yeah, Dolls. That's him.

Hey! Stop! I've got beef with you, Tate.

And it's not just delivering meat puns.

Leave us alone.

Don't sh**t him, Earp.

I can see your great-great-granddaddy in your eyes.

Last thing I saw before...

I can cuff him, Earp. Put Peacemaker down, OK?

He att*cked my home, Dolls.

Dragged my sister to her death.

Took a souvenir photo with my father's body.

And I hope he b*rned in Hell!

(warped yelling)

What the hell, Earp? Now they're going to delay...

Goddammit!

Dolls, there'll be another one. There's always another one.

What the hell is your deal?

(extended groan)

It's human.

In theory anyway.

(distant, warped screaming)

Us. "Leave us alone."

That's what Tate said.

So who the hell is "us"?

Why do revenants always have to be such a freakin' hassle?

This guy had a mummified arm on his property. And this.

This is way more than a "hassle."

Good point. The at-home butcher shop raises it to the level of aggravation.

But the creep factor on this aggro goes to 11.

Not so much "family" as "victims."

Maybe he tries to keep their memories alive.

Oh, that's nice.

You know, for a serial k*ller.

(crashing)

(footsteps)

(clanking)

(footsteps)

Ooh, are we going to role-play?

Please don't sh**t, Sheriff.

My husband's in the barn, so take what you will.

And now you say...

Well, how fortuitous for me to find you here.

Or does the good luck fall on you?

Baby, either talk sense with those lips or use 'em for something else.

Now, this is what Bobo's been digging up half of Purgatory for? These two fellas?

It's taken him years. Word is their bits are spread out for miles.

Why?

I'll tell you if you gimme a ride.

See, Bobo's putting 'em back together for some slut in fancy clothes. To make some kind of trade.

Bethany, love, you don't set up the stakes and then give your hand away.

Seriously? You ain't so hot, you know.

Don't. You'll be even less hot when you're dead.

Bobo will k*ll you if he finds out you were here.

And I'll k*ll you if you tell him I was.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

Wynonna: 50.

One person in 1967.

11 people between '93 and 2000.

Tate just starts hacking them to death again this year. Why?

(sighs)

(whispering): Come on. Come on.

(muttering)

One person in 1967.

My grandfather Edwin Earp, the one-year wonder?

That was the year he was the heir. Then nothing until '93, when my dad became the heir!

And then nothing until... but that's before.

The bone marrow in this arm has been cleaned out.

Spontaneous mummification isn't unknown in nature. But this...

Ain't natural.

Those are human bite marks.

A cannibal revenant?

Resources were scarce in the old west. People starved.

Eat or be eaten.

Most would try not to ever think of it again, but some... some just got a taste for it.

Like cilantro.

Yeah, I was thinking more of the Donner party, but sure.

Ugh. I can't believe this guy was eating people.

"He" wasn't.

Based on the size of the jaw, we're looking for a woman.

A cannibalistic, serial-k*lling female revenant?

Some girls have all the fun.

(footsteps)

(truck engine)

(whimper)

Hey, you. Headed into town?

These boots ain't made for walking.

(growling)

(thumping)

(intense music)

Your uncle's last wish was to go to the bar?

What, did he want you to pour some out for his homies?

"Every day I sit.

My beautiful mug in front.

There is but one tune."

Here. Look, he sat here. Every day.

Yeah, what about a "beautiful mug"?

Old dude drank whiskey. From a glass.

(quietly) Yeah...

Mug...

Mug...

My beautiful mug.

(distant mooing)

Dolls: Alright, he was running that way.

It's an open field.

So we would've seen him running for miles. Odd.

This is where you sh*t him.

Exactly when I asked you not to.

Hey.

Boundaries.

You've got fever sweats, but you're not even close to being warm.

I'm fine.

You sure about that?

Mm-hmm. Look.

(cracking)

(grunting)

(whispering) Yes, OK.

(groaning)

(coughing)

(moaning)

(whispering) OK...

Whoa, whoa.

Ladies first, there, sickie.

OK.

Whoa, mummy.

Or should I say, "mama."

Dolls. Mama Olive. The woman who owns the diner?

There's a picture on the wall of her sitting in this exact chair.

What do you think she was doing down here? Hiding?

I don't think she had a choice.

(growling)

Somebody's mad we broke in.

Just don't get eaten.

Bite me.

Don't!

Tune... Tune... Did he have a favourite drinking song or something?

sh*t, with his voice?

Like a bunch of drunk ferrets gangbanging.

(ferret sounds)

(Waverly sighing)

When I was little, he used to sing to me at bedtime.

I used to dance around like... like an idiot.

Gus would be yelling at us to like, "Shut the hell up."

♪ All around the cobbler's bench ♪
♪ The monkey chased the weasel ♪
♪ The monkey thought it was all in fun... ♪

(intense music)

♪ All in fun... ♪

(playing notes)

♪ Pop goes the weasel ♪

(bang)

(gasping)

If you aren't the smartest thing on two amazing legs...

Oh, my...

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I hope it's a million dollars. We could open a little bar down in, um, Buenos Aires.

Huh? I've always wanted that for us.

Ew! Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It's a real dead guy.

"Waverly, darling, you are now the Keeper of the Bones.

Guard this and tell no one but the Blacksmith.

You're the only one I can trust.

Love, Uncle Curtis."

I can't believe Wynonna got the Harley.

He always said I was meant for bigger things.

Paid for every one of my crazy online courses.

Dead languages, offbeat history.

God, it used to drive Gus nuts.

But he believed in me.

I can't think of a better gift, the Keeper of the Bones.

You know, you'll always be the keeper of my boner.

Huh?

Come on, let's shut that brain off a little while.

No! I don't want my brain shut off.

OK? I don't want to be a barmaid in Buenos Aires.

And it turns out that a boner and a pickup aren't the whole enchilada.

No.

We're done.

Yeah. We're done, Champ.

And I've got work to do.

(suspenseful music)

Dolls, hurry up! You OK?

I'm fine! I'm right behind you.

(roaring)

(yelling)

(groaning)

(grunting)

No, you don't! I saw you get sucked into oblivion.

That happened, right?

Did you get thinner?

Don't tell me you're a bulimic cannibal.

(groaning) No!

Break the shoulder.

Hetty? Who the hell did I sh**t?

Herman. He's my brother. But I didn't have anything to do with it. I swear.

Eating 20 people?

What does Mama Olive think? What did you do with her?

(low voice) It's Mama. She got him.

I'm sorry.

Got who?

She's hungry. Starving.

Mama Olive is the cannibal?!

Yeah.

Dolls!

Dolls? Dolls!

You did see the "No Trespassing" sign, didn't you?

Uh, I was wondering, um...

I need to talk with you.

And you think an $8 bottle of pinot's going to make me listen?

Hell, no. No, the wine's mostly for me.

My favourite uncle in the world just left me this.

Curtis McCready. I shoulda known.

Hurry up.

Wynonna: Move your ass. You better not be lying.

She'd take him to her cellar. I swear.

I never liked you, you know.

I have a g*n at your back, you idiot!

I'll make you a deal. Take Mama.

She is a cold, hard harpy.

Thought I had a bad childhood.

Dolls! Dolls!

(banging)

Hermie made sure that no one would ever be heard.

(groaning)

(heavy breathing)

(g*nshots)

(growling)

Where's the key?

I ask the Earth to give up this ash.

I ask the air to silence its name.

I ask the water to cleanse this girl.

I ask the fire... to loosen its hold.

Free from the tethers, purified by the elements, Waverly Earp, you are now open to receive this fragment of man into your life.

Do you accept?

I do.

(whispering) Wait. Did I just marry a skull?

You are connected. You are as one.

The Keeper of the Bones, and the Stone Witch's Son.

(low voice whispering)

(gasping)

OK, what have I done?

When I bonded Curtis to the skull, I didn't know whose it was. It never told me.

What?

She's going to be coming for me.

I need protection.

I need to find some salt.

What?

Who's coming? Am I in danger?

Of course you are. This is what it means to be blessed.

You poor sweet girl, what was Curtis thinking?

Wynonna!

(low voice) She can't hear you.

Say your prayers, sweetheart.

I got a hollow place in my belly that needs to be fed.

(growling)

Hurry up.

I'm trying.

If you know where they are and you're not telling me...

I swear I don't.

Look.

I need you to understand. See, we didn't have a daddy.

Mama had some money, but she put it all into an old hotel and restaurant. Back then, if food didn't have maggots in it, they practically gave it a Michelin Star.

OK, no more food talk.

Ms. Olive, you don't have to live like this.

We could take you somewhere where people could understand what you are.

You think I'm some fragile old lady?

Back then, you lived and d*ed by what the seasons gave you.

(roaring)

Winter fell. A year of blizzards worse than anybody had ever seen. Livestock d*ed, deer vanished, the root cellar got emptied months before spring.

So what, did you eat the hotel guests?

You did!

Damn right I did and I'd do it again.

Loved it.

You loved the taste?

Nothing else compared.

Then one day, a certain marshal came into town, investigating some missing people.

Great-great-granddaddy Wyatt Earp.

Herman was all, "We gotta protect Mama." Such a suck up.

He was a good boy. Yeah. He fought for his Mama.

Ah! And Hetty?

She was useless.

Born that way.

Me? I just got caught in the crossfire and became this.

I didn't choose it and it's not fair.

Believe me, I get that.

I just want to live like a girl. Buy lip-gloss, wear flirty skirts...

Did you find the keys?!

Girls don't have them chances that boys have.

I learned that the hard way.

I didn't want Hetty to go through that.

Mama dressed me like a boy and then like a man.

She looked like Herman. Very much like twins.

Couldn't tell us apart.

Ow!

Right down to the g*dd*mn tattoo.

Laser removal. Greatest invention of the 20th century.

Ha!

Got 'em.

(sighing)

Ah! Oh, the hunger!

Herman! He was such a good boy.

He always brought his Mama dinner.

He won't be bringing you anything anymore.

He can't help you.

But I can, OK?

You are going to be delicious.

(roaring)

Your friend is already dead.

She's eaten and she's stronger now. If you open this door, I don't know what she'll do.

Shut up and help me.

There's something...

There's something wrong with you. You're spoiled!

Yeah. I'm an acquired taste.

Dolls? Please don't be eaten!

I'm OK.

Can you get the ladder up?

I'm not that OK.

You can't get both me and Mama.

Yeah, I like to think big. Toss me the cuffs!

(muttering)

OK.

(heavy breathing)

You know, everyone's right about you. You are a bitch.

Yeah. A bitch with some hella sexy moves.

(yelling)

Cool.

She was the one who wanted to k*ll your daddy.

And now I'm going to k*ll you.

(click)

(bang)

(roaring)

You OK?

(crashing)

Holy sh*t, she took the door.

(dragging sounds)

(grunting)

You almost had me, Hetty.

One hell of a sob story.

(panting)

It's all true.

Except you left out the part about wanting my daddy dead.

Each time an heir came of age, Mama would get ravenous and then murderous.

k*lling Ward was the only way to stop her.

So you are the sixth.

This curse won't end until you end.

Funny. I feel the exact same way about you.

(click)

Make your peace.

(low moaning)

(crackling)

(sighing and loud breathing)

Hey.

Hey.

Good job.

I know.

OK, let's go get my g*n.

Can't we just enjoy the moment for once?

Earp!

(sighing) Coming.

♪ ♪

Hey, thanks for bringing my "lunch."

Was it any trouble?

Of course it was.

Do you know what they'll do to me if they find out I smuggled that from the lab?

They track that sh*t like it's plutonium.

Look, I just needed enough to tide me over, alright?

Whatever you did to get yourself cut off?

Undo it.

The people upstairs want results.

Don't call me again.

(zipping)

(shaky breathing)

Doc. Now's not a good time.

Just so you know, my mission was for naught.

Yeah, you said you'd get something on Bobo.

I couldn't get close enough.

You OK, there, partner?

(Dolls sighs)

Our deal's off.

I think it is time for you to leave, OK?

I see what is happening to you.

The sweating. The skittery disposition.

The stink of desperation for the drug.

Whatever it may be.

Get out of my way.

I want C.C. Stone.

And I...

I want you gone.

Leave Wynonna alone. You're gonna get her k*lled.

Least I wouldn't be in withdrawal when I did.

I know what you really are.

Competition?

The enemy.

Just so's we're clear, then.

♪ In the deep ♪
♪ Forgotten hymns ♪

(banging)

Well, that's awfully optimistic.

Sure, it's winter now, but a girl's got to be ready.

You never know when a clear stretch of road and the right moment will come along.

I see.

You get what you wanted from Dolls?

Oh, I got something better.

I'm surprised he was so accommodating.

He's been acting really...

Yeah. Well, never trust a man with a badge. I carried one for years, so you know...

I do trust him.

And what about you, Ms. Earp?

Are you getting what you wanted?

(sighing)

Let's just say, when I do, it doesn't make me any happier.

Happiness is a myth.

No.

No. I had it before. It's real.

And it's worth fighting for.

Well, I can remember a glorious time, not so long ago, when I was very happy.

Well, the trouble with glorious times?

They don't tend to stick.

But friends do.

Friends. Sure.

♪ ♪

Feel like some company?

I think I'm better traveling solo.

For now.

♪ Down, down, down ♪

(whispering) Come on, come on, come on.

(sighing)

(heavy breathing)

(moaning)

(grunting)

OK.

One, two, three.

(hissing)

(gasping)

(moaning)

(sighing)

♪ ♪