( Theme music playing )
Can't get over this heat.
Swear to God, they put your office on top of hell.
I know you have to get going.
I do. Senator Doyle's kind of a stickler.
Yeah. Yeah, he seems like a massive stickler.
Well, like I was saying, the senator has a lot of time for filibuster reform.
Bottom line here, Eric, we need him to sponsor this bill.
( Sneezes )
( Phone vibrates )
God, this gastric bug, it's got my head all jammed up and my ass is like the thunderdome.
Yeah! Boom, come to mama!
Sorry, not you. This. Excuse me.
Oh, my God, this heat is just unbearable.
I feel like a gecko.
Sorry to interrupt, but fuck-a-deedoo-dah, fuck-a-Dee-ay!
Martin at the White House.
"Clean jobs task force likely to be green lit!" Exclamation point.
Yeah! Oh, my God!
That is so great for me.
And the country.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I meant.
Oh, Amy. Good job, Amy.
That's why I get paid the medium bucks.
This is legacy stuff.
Yeah, it is.
Polluting corporations held accountable by me.
Dependence on foreign oil ended by me.
Could you stop that?
I'm gonna get Sue to call Mart at the White House.
I still need to say goodbye to senator Doyle's chief of staff.
Oh, is he still here?
You know what I'm gonna do? Brush past.
Give him a smile to take back to his boss.
Which way are you going?
Elevator bank, first door.
Oh, Sue, did the President call?
Oh, yeah, things are great.
We'll see the senator and yourself.
Um, this is an interesting piece of paper.
Oh, madam Vice President, you remember Eric.
Oh, of course. Eric.
Madam Vice President.
How are you?
I've got a little bit of the bug, but other than that, I'm good.
I'm sorry to hear that. Well, drink plenty of liquid.
Well, that's sort of a stupid thing to say, isn't it?
'Cause you can't drink a solid, can you?
Well, soup is solids suspended in liquid, so it qualifies as a liquid.
See that? Gary was a major at U.V.A. in science.
So occasionally that's of use.
So we'll see you guys this afternoon.
Great. Nice to see you.
So nice to see you.
Take care. Soup?
Press release for Selina approval.
Hey, Mike, your perspiration...
I'm just saying.
Can't help it. Sign of a healthy body.
There are products available, Mike.
I tried them all.
Sweat right through 'em. I got very large pores.
Hey, guys, quick sidebar meeting, okay?
Senator Lowden's guy canceled.
He has the gastric flu, too.
His Facebook status is "may God have mercy on my boxers."
Yeah, I saw that. I liked it.
Hey, Dan, can you get some more oxygen in here, please?
This thing is completely useless, by the way.
Can move more air by farting.
( Laughs ) I'm sure you can, ma'am.
Those don't open. Those are anti-suicide windows.
They only put those in after you started working here, right, Gary?
So, here's the deal.
Clean jobs in the bag. So that's good.
But we've got filibuster reform talks this afternoon that we've got to deal with.
So let's nail this, okay, everybody?
Let's seize the agenda.
You're making it sound like a coup.
I'm not gonna say I'm not enjoying the President being in South Africa.
God, wearing some kind of shawl at a lion sanctuary.
Did you see that photo? It's unbelievable.
Anyway, I'm just talking about redefining...
Dan, what was that phrase that you used in our meeting?
What was that?
"Two point me."
"Two point me." That's exactly right. I love that.
Ma'am, your two-hour with Glen Yates just canceled.
He's got the bug.
All right, well, that means I've got two hours free.
Let's capitalize on this, you guys.
C'mon, let's go somewhere. Let's meet the public.
You want to normalize it?
I want to meet some regular normals. Where we gonna find them?
Photo op with the normals and the normalistas.
There's a book fair...
Oh, my God.
...in Adams Morgan.
Too dull, no.
You're not gonna get a good photo holding a book.
You need something active.
It's like kids read or something.
Kids are unpredictable. They wet their pants.
Keep it simple. Keep it simple.
Yeah, not good.
Ma'am, frozen yoghurt, all right, is huge in this town right now.
It's hot out. Let's go to a store.
There's one that I know that I go to all the time on U Street.
It's owned by three generations of African-Americans.
I mean there's a narrative built right in.
Excellent. Perfect. Done deal.
We can totally normalize with those guys.
That's what we're gonna do. Make it happen, guys.
All right, we're going to a yoghurt shop.
When was this "two point me" meeting with Selina?
Oh, are you still tracking my every move?
I thought we agreed to move on.
Move on from what? We dated for like a week.
It was like getting of a mild food poisoning.
Look, Amy, I am genuinely sorry that my arrival here has caused you to become so self-conscious and gain a little weight.
f*ck point you.
Are we early?
I want to get there early.
I want the people who are on time to think that they're late.
Oh, mind games. Love it.
I didn't appreciate the reference to my potential suicide earlier. I'm not a joke.
No, you're the guy with the big bag of lip balm, Gary.
You're f*cking kissinger.
Every single thing you say to me is emasculating.
Do you realize that?
I think that senator Doyle still might go cold on sponsoring this bill.
Well, 've got to warm him up, 'cause we need his support on "junk the jams" or whatever they're calling it now. Unclog the backlog."
"Unclog the backlog"?
I do a serious job.
I'm next to the veep more than any other human being.
You are distantly orbiting her.
I'm her moon.
So would you take a bullet for the veep, Gary?
Oh, my God.
No, no, no.
Because, you know, you're gonna be right in the line of fire.
It's not my job. I would help her if she was down.
Right, with the lip balm if she got shot in the lips.
That could crack 'em pretty bad.
Great, we missed the elevators.
Doyle is essential. He's like the Russian doll of the Senate.
Comes with little senators inside of him.
Hey, Gary, can I have a kleenex?
Where are my people?
Oh, here they go.
Don't shoot. Don't shoot. Please don't shoot.
Shoot him. You can shoot him.
Where the hell did you go?
Dan, you're gonna have to go in the limo.
Oh, sure, yeah.
Ma'am, I think we should start ramping up the whole launch of "two point you" right now.
You know, just kind of a little hint out there about what clean jobs is gonna be.
Yeah, I think the same thing.
I can get right on this.
Leon West has given me his private cell.
Oh, good. All right, let's set up 10 minutes of face time with him after the Doyle meeting.
Copy that, I'm on it.
( Sirens blaring )
You know what? I'm nervous about Doyle.
He can be a real hogfucker.
He's a stickler.
Wait a minute. Hand sanitizer, ma'am.
You know what I heard? Senator Doyle wears pantyhouse.
( Amy laughs )
No. But now that you have that image, he's not that scary.
Oh, listen, tell Dan to start working on the yoghurt store, okay?
Wait a minute, Gary.
Gary, this is way too much.
What do you want me to do? What?
Okay, let's not do that again, all right?
( Eric coughing )
Andrew, how are you?
Madam Vice President, a pleasure.
Oh, come on. Selina, please.
Well, let's play this one by the book.
Eric, of course.
We just saw him this morning.
Yeah, you spoke about soup.
( Coughs )
So... should we get to it?
Let's get to it.
I'm gonna lighten this up a little bit.
Please. Please do.
Well, we have lots to talk about.
Yup, let's do some talking.
You need me to sponsor this bill.
Yes, I do.
I do need you to do that. And I want to know what you need from me.
What do you need? You need some non-earmark earmarks?
You need support during your reelection campaign?
I just won't be photographed eating a hot dog or any other phallic food.
Oops. ( Laughs ) That was mistake.
Really don't need any of that, ma'am.
What I need is very simple.
Actually, what I would like...
( Selina screams )
What the hell, Eric?
What was that? What just happened?
He was gonna seze on you and I blocked it.
I am so sorry, madam Vice President.
That is nice work, Eric. I mean, you want to take another shot?
I don'think we're drenched at this end of the table.
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
That scared me to death.
He can be a gold-plated f*cking sh1t gibbing.
He works for you.
I mean, he almost sneezed in your face.
I think it's treason. Let me get you a cup of coffee.
I would love a cup of coffee.
Oh, my goodness.
Listen, I've got this covered now.
Okay? Why don't you go round up a few more senators?
Okay, you sure?
Mm-hmm, filibuster smackdown.
That's what I call it.
All right, dig it.
Oh, wow, I'm shaking from that. Are you guys?
No, we perfectly understand senator Murray's reservations.
Yeah, of course, she must be guided by her conscience.
No hard feelings whatsoever.
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but can I just say? You kinda look like an asshole.
Hello. Did you tell them, Amy? Oh, come on. Come on.
I took a bullet for the veep.
How'd you take a bullet, Gary?
It was a sneeze bullet. Right in the face.
Saved Selina from the bug. Pure instinct.
It was like a dirty bomb and I... bam...
Dived on it. Mmm!
Hey, hey, it's the flunkies.
And people say you're bad at your jobs.
You here to spy, Jonah?
I'm not here to spy.
I work at the White House, so I can just walk in and say, "I'm from the White House. What the f*ck are you doing?"
What? You work at the White House?
Oh, my God. Can I blow you?
Uh, yes, you can.
I will meet you out in the hallway in a few seconds.
Sure, I'll get a stepladder.
Anyway, I work for the White House. What the f*ck are you doing?
Trying to figure out what flavor frozen yoghurt the veep should get.
It implies freshness, trust, traditional values.
This is one of my areas.
Yeah, food choices. Seriously, put it up.
Oh, swirl. Racial harmony and crossing the aisle.
( Phone ngs )
So is cookies and cream.
White House. This is Jonah.
Okay. Watch your head.
Oh, f*ck you. No, not you, sir.
Very excited about this filibuster reform bill.
That is great to hear.
If you can get a Senate reform bill through the place it's designed to reform, that would be amazing.
I mean, that would be like persuading a guy to fist himself.
( Chuckles ) Jesus Christ.
( Laughs ) Tell me, Mr. Flatterbox, what do you need from me, really?
Well, I need you to keep oil guys off the clean jobs task force.
Don't do this to me, Andrew.
I'm going to do it to you, yup.
This is a nuanced area.
You are not in the pocket of oil?
No, I'm not in the pocket of oil. No.
So we can make this work.
I'm eager to be constructive.
It seems to me that somehow we can make this happen, then I'd...
Deal. You keep oil guys off clean jobs, I will sponsor the filibuster bill.
Well, we can work...
Oh, uh-huh. Sure.
Gary, senator Doyle's guy looks like he's dying.
If I were you, I would go straight to the pharmacy and take one of everything.
I'm gonna have a blowout if I walk to the pharmacy.
That's what I'm worried about.
If you're gonna sh1t your pants, I don't want you here.
I think I did the right thing, but I just need you to confirm that I did the right thing.
I said something to someone.
What exactly did you say, ma'am, and to who?
Senator Doyle said that he would sponsor the bill...
If we keep oil off of clean jobs.
And there was an implication, perhaps...
( Stammers )
You didn't say yes?
I didn't say "yes".
I said "yeah".
Okay, well, we told oil we'd put one of their guys on clean jobs.
That's why we got away with the cutlery tweet.
I know, I know.
She's aware of that.
Okay, I was charmed by Doyle.
He's got that little twinkle in his eye.
He was talking about fisting people.
He just niced me. I got niced.
And where were you, Amy, by the way?
No, you said you had it covered.
No, I didn't have it covered. And it's your job to know that if I say I have it covered, I don't have it covered and you cover me.
I need you all to make me have not said that.
I need you to have... make me unsaid it.
Let's just slow down for a second.
Make two columns, one with filibuster, one with clean jobs, because now they are versus.
Doyle gives us filibuster, so put him there.
Okay, but oil gives us clean jobs.
Clean jobs is your legacy.
Hold on a second.
What if we put an ex-oil guy on the task force?
You see what I'm saying?
Someone who's cozy with oil, but not active oil.
Well, that's a creatively semantic way of saying we're lying.
Oh, hey, Jonah. Jonah. Jonah.
That we... yeah, that we might like.
What I'm saying is that we go with what I just said, the, um, the...
Jamaican rum flavor.
That's a really strong flavor choice.
I mean, it's unexpected, it's funky, it's kind of sexual.
Yeah, I don't want to make too quick of a decision.
Let's consider other flavors.
Oh, c'mon. Vanilla is a girl's flavor.
No, I have no choice here, Amy.
Because I was backed into a corner.
So other flavors aren't an option for me, okay?
Perhaps if you had done your job better, then, oh, I could choose vanilla or chocolate or f*cking blueberry with f*cking sprinkles on it.
But that's not an option for me, okay?
That flavor's not an option for me.
You know, I think Jamaican rum is a great choice.
And your passion about it is gonna sell it.
I'm confused. Are we still talking about yoghurt here?
We're gonna go with Dan's idea.
Jamaican rum is where we are headed.
All right? Jamaican rum, mon.
( Laughs ) That's good.
Maybe we don't need the accent.
Leon West is down at front security for you.
Leon West? Leon West is here for you?
The journalist? The beltway butcher?
Don't you worry for one second, all right?
I'm gonna take him to the yoghurt store.
I'm not worried.
Because you are gonna get rid of him. You're gonna kill him and you're gonna do life for murder and I never have to see your face again.
You know, if I wash my hands anymore, the bones are gonna come through.
Hey, where is Dan?
He's at the yoghurt store.
Gary, are you all right? Are you getting the bug?
No, I'm... oh!
Okay, you're not gonna like this.
White House press guys have just been in touch.
Postus wants to announce clean jobs task force next week when he is back from Africa.
We now go over live to the Vice President for her pissed-off reaction.
Come on. He wants to announce it next week.
Okay, it's my policy.
He's sliding in.
Who knows? Yeah, that feels like a slide.
This happens every time, does it not?
It's like Charlie Brown and the football.
We're gonna have to rewind this, okay?
Because I've got Dan backgrounding it right now.
What? You asked Dan to do that?
Yeah, I did.
I asked him because of the whole "veep point two" thing.
"Two point me." ( Groans )
The "two point me" thing.
Now you have to call him and tell him to stay quiet.
And you've got to go down to that yoghurt store.
You didn't just roll your eyes, did you?
'Cause it sure looked like it to me.
I can't stand that passive-aggressive stuff.
This whole day is turning apocalyptic now.
( Gary groaning )
Just right in here.
Okay, Dan, a very obscure rendezvous.
So you either have a very hot story for me, or you're going to shoot me.
I have got a story for you.
Things are about to get very veep-tastic.
Mr. Egan. Good to see you.
How are you, sir?
We are very excited about the Vice President's visit today.
Oh, as are we.
My son has named a yoghurt after her.
Strawberry-Selina. It's very tasty.
Who's this one?
Leon West, ma'am. "Washington Post."
Oh, we don't get the "Post."
This is an old, established family store.
And we spell yoghurt with an H right there in the middle.
I see that. I'll make a note of it.
Oh, hey, Dan. You haven't been picking up your phone.
Yeah, I've been a little bit busy, Mike.
Mike, this is Anthony, the owner of the store.
And his lovely mother Maria.
You have on a very sweaty shirt.
( All laugh )
By golly, I do.
She speaks her mind. She's 84.
No. I had you pegged for 39, ma'am.
Mike is so good with facts.
We are both very big supporters of this administration.
We appreciate that. Thank you.
Although it's not always easy.
A lot of taxes you guys impose.
A ton of taxes.
Hold on a second.
Those taxes are eating us alive.
This isn't officially...
If you'd excuse us for one moment.
Dan, can I talk to you for a second?
Just one second.
Potus Interruptus, that's what I call it. And I'm gonna tell him.
Madam Vice President, you can't go back in there for future meetings.
What? No. Let me tell you something.
You tell that shit- for-brains President...
Madam Vice President, if you would listen to me for just one moment.
No, I won't listen to you for one second.
I'm not interested in...
Please, be quiet!
The President is experiencing severe chest pains.
We just got word from South Africa.
You need to get to the west wing immediately.
I'm so sorry.
Ma'am, if you could just make your way in this direction, please.
Where are we going?
We're gonna take you to the White House situation room.
Amy, are you here?
I am right by your side.
Where is Gary? Gary, are you here?
I'm right here.
I'm right here. What the hell? I'm with her.
Should we run?
Leon West? Here?
That's the f*cking beltway butcher.
Have you told him about clean jobs yet?
I was just about to, sh1t stack.
Oh, thank you.
We got Leon West here and nothing to give him.
I've got plenty to give him.
No, you don't.
Potus wants us to announce clean jobs task force next week when he's in town.
So you, my friend, have your cock out at a funeral.
Oh, come on.
( Panting ) Oh, God.
Do you ever write about yoghurt in your newspaper?
No, I don't. I'm not a food writer.
What do you write?
I write about politics.
I'm interested in lobbying, advocacy groups.
Do you know how yoghurt is made?
No, but I'm sure it's fascinating.
Don't patronize me.
All right, you got it.
Madam Vice President.
These would need to be dealt with pretty urgently should the situation become more serious.
We have a Captain Reynolds of the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln.
Aircraft carrier. ( Sneezes )
He's expecting a conference call in about 15 minutes with the President, secretary of state and general marsh.
Could you step in notionally?
No problem at all. Thank you.
Madam Vice President, may I get you a cup of coffee?
Oh, yes, thank you, Jonah.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Have you noticed how he's...
Yeah, he thinks I'm about to be his boss.
Yeah, he's gonna be the first to go, by the way.
Dead man walking.
Can I get a heads-up? 'Cause I'm standing over here like a f*cking meerkat.
Yes. The truth is I had a huge story to give you.
It's just been back-burnered.
No, no, listen. Mike is on his way out, all right?
Either he or his arteries are gonna quit any second.
I'm the new face of the veep's office, okay?
I can bring you major scoops.
You can bring me major scoops?
Hey, come on, I major in major.
Stop doing that.
Should I just put this right here?
Yeah, just put it down, okay?
If we could just have some quiet, please. Thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen... ( Clears throat )
We come here today in togetherness and in hope... certainly hope... for the swift recovery of this great, great president who has been a... faultless G.P.S. in guiding our nation.
We stand here today with courage in our hearts...
( Cough )
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Let us pray.
( Groans )
Holy mother of God and sweet Jesus Christ.
Where is she?
We'll have some information soon for you, okay, Anthony?
And you know what? You guys can just act naturally like you'd normally act.
Great. Brilliant normalizing.
Yes, sir. Where is she, Dan, huh?
I don't know.
My balls are comprehensively busted here.
I'm down to my reserve pair.
Look, Mike, I've got Sue.
She's gonna call me any second. Just give me a f*cking break.
( Phone chimes )
Oh, bingo, Amy. I guess I'll fill you in.
Amy, what the duck?
That screaming, falling sound is my f*cking patience going out the window.
Okay, Dan, listen up. This is very important.
The veep has gone to the White House.
The President is having a heart attack.
Dan, look at me with your stupid eyes.
Stop talking to that man, Dan. Stop talking to that man and focus.
Sue, can you please just repeat that part on more time for me?
Selina is currently the most powerful woman in the world.
And obviously you cannot tell anyone this or she will have you destroyed.
You have to give me something right now.
Oh, f*ck it, it's gonna break anyway. Yeah, as a matter of fact, Selina Meyers...
Is gonna come here in a second and order Jamaican rum with sprinkles.
Okay, your working life just got 80% more f*cked! Okay?
From now on, you bleached, plucked asshole, I am your f*cking siamese stalker.
Mike, always a pleasure to see you be a stupid asshole.
I'm hearing some language that I don't like.
What are you saying?
No, wait a minute. What are you saying?
What is he talking about?
No, you guys live in your own little world with your heads stuck up your Capitol Hill asses.
And you, you gay, Irish fireman... you, you're okay.
But you, you I do not like.
( Whispering )
If Gary is sick, I'm gonna need a temporary body man.
Sure. Oh, and I told Sue to drop the yoghurt store.
I don't have room in my head for yoghurt.
Madam Vice President, we've been asked to tell you that you may stand down. The President is fine.
Well, that's terrific news.
Crossed wires. Potus just suffered heartburn after a traditional barbecue at the state function.
Are you absolutely sure that...
No, the President is... back in charge of the G.P.S.
Oh, and I'm sorry. I just spoke to Mike.
He said that you were needed down at a yoghurt store.
( Exhales )
It was something about damage control.
It's been an honor to serve such an accomplished understudy, ma'am.
Are you gonna take those with you?
Oh, I'm sorry. Should I give that to you?
Here's a pen.
I'll put it back. Do you want me to put it here?
That's fine. Great.
( Sirens blaring )
Ma'am, we spent a nice afternoon bonding with these owners. They're lovely people.
A lot of the online guys are still here.
Online? Are you serious?
Yeah. It's much more relevant.
I've been telling Dan this for years.
Wow, I do not feel good. I feel bad.
Really? Like, where does it hurt?
I don't know. It's hard to define exactly.
Where did Gary's thing start?
His started in, like, in his stomach.
It did start in his stomach?
He lost color right away, though.
And you still look...
You look great.
You look beautiful.
Thank you. Okay.
Yeah, but aren't dairy products bad for your stomach?
You've got to eat the yoghurt now.
I mean, there will be cameras on you.
This is life dairy defcon 1.
Madam Vice President, this is Anthony Holland, the owner of the store.
How do you do?
Madam Vice President welcome to Super Scooper.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
I thought we'd do the photo over here, if that's okay.
Sure. Do you have any Jamaican rum flavor? ( Gags )
I'm sorry, I don't.
And I've also thrown out all of the Strawberry-Selina.
It had a bad taste.
Oh, that's a shame to hear that.
All I have left is vanilla.
I hope you like that.
That'll be fine.
Members of the media.
This is the media here. Come on in, guys.
You guys will be right here.
Oh, that's fantastic.
Yeah, well, it would have been better about two hours ago.
Amy, you're gonna need to...
( Chair squeaking )
I know, it's just stuck.
We're gonna do the picture?
All right, guys, get this shot. It's real America.
Bite and smile.
It's good, huh?
You know, let's get one re.
( Cameras clicking )
I think you... probably just one...
Are you okay?
( Gags )
Can I get you something?
I think we got it, guys. Take a step back.
( Groans ) I have to use the bathroom right away.
Can we use your bathroom?
No, I'm sorry, my mother is in there.
She's 84. She takes a while.
Okay, then we're gonna go, but thanks.
Madam Vice President, are youna do anything about taxes?
Yeah, moving... I'm moving them down.
Oh, I don't know where this is headed.
Okay, let's go this way, then.
Nice, we'll just move to the car and get it...
Oh! Ooh-ooh! Oooh-ooh!
Do you need to squeeze my hand or something?
I can't uncross my legs.
Oh, God. Okay. I get it.
Uh, guys, we need a wall around the Vice President.
No photos. No clean photos.
( Selina groans )
Here we go.
Here we go. Let's move. Car's open. Door open.
Let's get her in. Come on.
Oh, no. Is it locked?
Here we go. We're good.
Get her in.
Dump her in there.
Be careful. Careful.
No one's judging.
Don't come in.
Don't come in here.
Ma'am, I'm gonna...
I-I got to go with you ma'am, I'm sorry.
Just dive into it.
I have to.
Okay, get your ass in. Come on.
All ght, all right.
( Selina groans )
You know what? I could use a walk. I'll meet you guys there.
I can't put on my seat belt.
It's fine. Just stay there.
Where does Gary put those wipes?
Oh, my God.