Transcripts - Forever Dreaming
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02x09 - Running
https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=630&t=26813
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Author:  bunniefuu [ 06/17/13 12:41 ]
Post subject:  02x09 - Running


( Theme music playing )

Sue: No, Rachel, I'm sorry.

But the VP's schedule has skyrocketed since the interview.

Actually, I'm not sorry.

I'm not sure why I just said that.

Boy, I'll tell you something.

That TV interview was a big gamble, but it really paid off.

Look at this.

What is it?

They're calling you the "no-BS VP."

Damn right they are.

I mean, I lied and everything, but it sounded true, at least.

Uh-huh.

Dan: Mood is good.

Just need six more years like today and they will vote us POTUS.

Hey, ma'am, remember tomorrow you've got that Get Moving Fun Run.

You probably should prepare, don't you think?

It's a 10K.

Yeah.

I can run that thing in a suit of armor.

Okay.

Ma'am, I shouldn't go with you to this donors' brunch.

We don't want to set off any alarm bells.

Oh, yeah. You know what? Me neither.

Okay, I'll go kiss some hateful billionaire ass on my own.

Give them all donor boners.

Everyone wants a piece of you, ma'am.

Yeah.

( Phone ringing )

Via me.

I need to go talk to Ben right now.

Andale!

Let's go.

Anchorman: We haven't heard anything from the president so far.

We've got rumors of a whistleblower high up in the State Department.

What? What are you doing?

I don't want people to see that.

Okay.

They should put those in a dispenser outside Ben's office, right?

Yeah.

Anchorman: White House staff are lawyering up in case of subpoenas...

Ben.

Ben?

We've got the president's own party talking of a potential challenger...

Hey, why doesn't POTUS just make an apology?

I mean, I did and I was only, like, suicidal for a week.

Huh?

Because he's a mess, all right?

He's got a cave full of bats in his skull.

I took the heat for the spy.

Don't I get any credit for that at all?

Yeah.

So now we've got the House Judiciary Committee subpoenaing us senseless.

And on top of that, we got a rumor going around that says that there's a challenger inside the party.

What? Who?

I don't know.

One of Gaddafi's sons. They're polling better.

So thank you very much for your help, but would you quit being so goddamned proactive?

What are you going to do for an encore?

Blow the opening day pitch out of your ass?

Ah, that's lovely.

Is this what this is going to be like for the next two years?

Oh, my, yes.

We are at DEFCON f*ck.

( Sirens blaring )

Gary: Hey, ma'am, I got flash cards on the donors.

No, thanks. I got it.

Peter Spiddock sleeps with his gun, Sandra O'Neill fricking hates fracking, Sidney Purcell... talking to him, it's like being stuck in a sewer pipe filled with dead rats.

He's got money to burn.

Not that donating to your campaign is burning money.

I know what this is all about.

This is a political prick tease today.

Yeah, and we're about to meet a bunch of pricks.

Yeah. Challenger schmallenger.

I mean, if this brunch goes well, my campaign launchpad is going to be made of solid f*cking gold.

( Laughs )

And then in six years, it's gonna be Ms. President.

( Men laugh )

Yeah!

We're gonna need a bigger bag!

Ovaries in the Oval Office!

The West Womb!

What?

What?

You know, like a womb.

Like a woman has a womb that the baby comes...

Oh, pathetic. "Politico" is announcing that Danny Chung has just uploaded his "What I'm Listening To" playlist on Spotify.

Hmm. We need to do a playlist.

No, we don't.

Selina: Oh, we absolutely do.

Get Dan.

No, I can help with the songs.

You know, my niece loves Katy Perry.

Just like I said, get Dan.

( Music playing )

There he is.

DJ Dan.

Thanks for the playlist.

Oh, my pleasure.

Seems like it's playing pretty well, too, with the oldies and the Young Chungers.

The Young Chungers.

It's like you think in hashtags.

Oh, you like that?

All right, maybe we can call the over 65ers the Granny Chungs.

Something. No, I'll keep working on that one.

( Cell phone ringing )

Oh, sh1t.

You need to take that. Keep her happy.

Tall order.

You smell that? Money.

( Men laugh )

Hey, Dan?

Ma'am.

Have you heard anything about this Danny Chung playlist?

I just caught that, actually.

Some smart stuff on there, too.

Nas for the young folks, some Dean Martin for the retirees.

He just got one of his butt droids to do it, which is why I want you to do it for me, okay?

Your mix is my command.

Come on, Sue, help me out with this, okay? You're good at this stuff.

You're young, you're hip, you're hop.

What about Jimmy Cliff? "The Harder They Come"?

No.

Look, I have no idea who that is, so, no.

Elvis Costello, "Peace, Love and Understanding"?

What?

No, no, and no.

Are you getting these all from your iPod?

No. I think it's in a cloud.

Oh.

You know, do you think that Danny Chung's the one who's getting ready to bust a move in two years?

Well, the way POTUS is going, he'll probably stumble into a war sooner or later.

Chung will reenlist and hopefully get himself killed.

I don't understand why I don't get the same respect as he does, you know?

sh1t!

Oh, what about that? "Respect."

Sue?

You know, the Aretha Franklin song?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That would be great.

Hey, Mike. Mike.

Ooh!

Gary: Oh, my God.

Duchess is down. Duchess is down. Yellow, yellow.

I repeat, Duchess is down. Go, Rick.

Man: Go, go, go, go!

( Gasps ) Oh, God, your face!

Man: We're gonna need a medic.

Is it bad?

No.

Yes!

You're fine, ma'am. You're fine.

Madam Vice President, if you'd just stand still, please.

Calm down, Martin. It's not a terrorist.

I'm fine.

Just lock up the hallway, guys. It's all fine.

Lock it up. Lock it up.

Mike: Ma'am.

Yes?

Here's what you do.

Okay.

Don't move.

We're gonna have to cut your clothes off you.

Huh?

I walked through a glass door before.

This is what you do, okay?

You're kidding.

No, I was fine because I was drunk.

You're gonna be okay.

Oh.

sh1t, the donors.

Just go tell them I'm gonna be a couple minutes late.

Go tell them that, okay?

Okay, okay.

All right. What are you... no! Mike!

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Oh, sh1t!

Oh, my God!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Don't... don't... go another way, Mike.

Okay. Okay.

Ma'am, ma'am, are you hurting?

Are you in pain?

Uh, I don't know.

Do you have a mirror?

No.

Yes, you do.

I've got some St. John's Wort for pain relief if you want it.

I don't want to take medication.

It's herbal. It's from the earth.

You can take six, it won't affect you.

( Both whimper )

Look at that.

( Shard pricks )

Ah! Ow!

( Music playing )

( Chatter )

Hiya. Uh, hey.

Uh, the vice president apologizes, but she's slightly delayed.

She's stuck on a call with the Australian ambassador.

The Australian ambassador?

That's good. I've never heard that one before.

Sidney Purcell, always a pleasure, sir.

No, it's not, actually, but you get marks for trying.

But the vice president is in great spirits.

She's buoyantly waiting to meet you all and I will go check, see if I can interrupt that call.

Like I said, it's a call.

Strength is being flexible and steadfast.

The living willow, not the dead oak.

I learned in Iraq that the road to respect between me and my men ran two ways.

In order to get respect, you have to give respect.

When I look out, I see many faces, but I see only one nation with one aspiration, and that aspiration is to one day hope to dream together.

I met a young woman...

No.

Named Juanita in St. Paul the other day.

Oh, crap.

Danny: And I asked...

You know what she said to me?

Oh.

Dan.

This is awkward.

Like catching your sister's eye at an orgy.

Well, my sister would never be at an orgy.

Too uptight.

She would want health records from everyone and just kill the momentum and...

Okay.

I'm disappointed in you.

This is behavior I would expect from myself.

But from you? Uh-uh.

Let's cut the crap. We're both here for Chung.

So we both jump together. You know, Butch and Sundance.

Don't they both die?

No, not when they jump. They die at the end.

( Cell phone ringing )

Oh.

Hey, Sue.

Dan, the vice president just walked through a glass door.

She walked through a glass door?

What is that, code?

No, unfortunately, it is not, Dan.

It is a literal description of what just happened.

And she's not too badly hurt. Thanks for asking.

She walked through a glass door?

Yeah, that woman has become a living metaphor of her own career.

( Grunting )

Just make sure you rest today, okay?

I feel like one of those old used footballs that they fixed up for the kids at an orphanage.

( Door opens )

Good to see you've calmed down.

Ma'am, plenty of rest and no 10K run tomorrow.

Okay?

Well, I don't know about that.

Hey.

Hi.

Uh, we told everyone you were delayed.

But we're gonna have to cancel this thing, okay?

No. Mike, what are you talking about?

I can't cancel my destiny.

Ma'am, look at you. You're wearing a robe.

Unless you want to go down there and sing them a chorus of "Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee," you can't go downstairs.

Okay, I'll go ahead and go.

Thank you very much for your help.

Mum's the word?

Oh, yes.

Good.

What would I even say?

We'll just tell them what happened and reschedule.

Oh! Ooh.

Jesus.

Oh, God.

I'm cancelling. I'm cancelling.

( Panting )

Okay, where is she?

I don't know.

I guess we just follow the trail of her blood and Gary's tears.

Oh, hey.

How bad is she?

She's fine. It's just superficial cuts.

Did you give her any painkillers or...?

I didn't want to do that because she's already on St. John's Wort.

I think I got that off a Catholic schoolgirl once.

So why can't she take anything else?

Well, it can react badly with the body if she's already on immunosuppressants, beta-blockers, or antidepressants.

Oh, okay, fine. She's not on any of those.

I've really got to go. Catch you guys later.

Yep, thank you.

Well, she is on antidepressants.

Yep.

After you.

See? You made that look so easy.

Hey, I'm sorry this isn't the presidential suite, ma'am.

Oh, it doesn't matter, Gary.

Who has the presidential suite?

I heard Russell Crowe.

Russell Crowe, "Gladiator."

Yeah.

"I'll be back."

( Laughs ) Mmm...

You know who would love this robe?

Who?

Ben.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you imagine him in this with his big mug?

Yep, yep.

Walking around?

He'd love that.

( Both laughing )

Come on, sit here.

Okay, that's nice.

Yeah.

Thank you, ma'am.

I don't really know anything about you, you know?

You're kind of a mystery man.

Ooh.

Where'd you grow up?

Birmingham, Alabama.

( Southern accent ) You did not.

( Southern accent ) I did too! I did!

Are you close to your parents?

Close to my mom.

My dad always wanted a man for a son, so...

Oh, yeah.

But it's a different generation.

It is a different generation. It's true.

They're about to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.

4-0.

( Gasps ) Oh!

They're gonna have a huge blowout.

What do you mean? Like a party?

Massive party.

Massive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's really...

Can I come?

What?

Could... Can I come?

Are you serious?

Is that completely inappropriate for me to invite myself?

Oh, my God, no.

No. They... I would love that.

Are you kidding?

Really?

( Knock at door )

Yes.

That would solve all of my validation issues with my dad.

Ma'am. Uh, how are you?

Selina: Look, Amy, watch this.

Look how tiny I can make myself.

Watch this.

( Laughing )

But the donor meeting has been cancelled, yes?

Selina: I'm not doing that thing.

Seriously, screw all those people.

God, I hope Iran drops a nuke on DC.

Gary: Ooh.

Wouldn't that solve a lot of issues?

Except Kent wouldn't go anywhere.

He'd still be around.

He's like an undead cockroach with his...

( Laughing )

It's true.

He's got that blank look.

I bet he doesn't even have a come face.

Can you imagine f*cking that guy?

Whoa.

Amy, you have such pretty blonde hair.

Doesn't she?

So pretty.

( Music playing )

( Chatter )

Hi, everyone. Good morning again.

Unfortunately, the vice president is still stuck on a phone call with Australia so she's going to have to postpone this morning's meet and greet breakfast, okay?

( Guests groan )

We're very sorry.

Mike, you know, in the southern hemisphere, the bullshit actually flows the other way.

Did you know that?

The Australia thing is real.

Yeah.

What the f*ck?

Okay, listen to me.

There's been an incident with the vice president.

Can you keep this under wraps?

Yeah. What?

She's walked through a glass door.

She walked through a glass door?

Shh!

What, she just stumbled into a solid piece of glass?

Yes.

( Laughing )

That's... that's amazing.

I guess it's funny because we've all done it at one point.

I haven't.

I pushed someone through a plate glass door once.

That was f*cking hilarious.

Stop laughing.

Is she okay?

Mm. Just cuts.

You are liaison to the VP, right?

That's your "liaison d'être"?

I was born to liaise, sir.

Then why can't you tell me about what the VP was doing when she walked into a glass f*cking door?

Okay, well, the VP's office can be very insubordinate.

I mean, they insubord me all the time.

You know that they call me Jonad?

I mean, that is tantamount to calling the president Jonad.

No, it's not.

He's the president, you're Jonad.

Now get in there and liaise the truth out of Sue or I'll make sure that name sticks so hard, it ends up on your gravestone.

Yes, sir.

Hello there, Susan.

Name's not Susan, it's Sue... Jonad.

Okay, and my name isn't Jonad!

It's Jonah. Do not disrespect me on this, Sue.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no one here is disrespecting you...

Jonad.

Now go earn your name change.


Sue.

Sir.

What was the vice president doing at that hotel this morning?

Meet and greet with the American Teachers Association.

Ben: If I call the ATA, they would confirm that she was meeting and greeting them?

Uh, couldn't say.

If you can't tell me what she was doing, maybe you can tell me what she wasn't doing.

The vice president was not at a brunch with campaign donors.

I would hope that she was not.

Otherwise, I'm not sure if I wouldn't be within my rights not to launch a drone strike right now.

I got lost in the double negative, sir.

What?

I'm f*ckin' furious.

Jonad!

Yes, sir.

Get over to that hotel.

Cut your face off and give it to the VP if you have to.

Just get her to talk to the press.

Say she is not the challenger.

I won't let you down, sir.

Hey.

Yeah.

I'm really excited for that party.

I am, too. We'll dance.

We'll get our dance on.

( Both vocalizing )

Dance on.

( Panting )

Why are you guys so tense? She's completely chilled.

She's out of her f*cking mind.

She's coming to my parents' 40th wedding anniversary.

Yeah, exactly, Gary.

She's out of her f*cking mind.

Hey, ma'am. I cancelled the donor breakfast, but I did have to come clean about you walking through the glass door.

Great job, ass hat. Now everyone's gonna know.

Everyone's gonna find out she walked through a glass door, Dan, because she looks like she walked through a f*cking glass door.

Yeah, check this out.

( Mike laughs )

What's his problem?

I don't know.

Get over here, gingerbread.

You know what? That St. John's Wort that you gave her is reacting to her antidepressants.

What are you talking about?

It's herbal. It's from the earth.

So are mushrooms, dipshit.

Okay, that's illegal drugs.

Feel this. Feel this.

The guns?

Jesus.

Argh argh!

Okay. Hey!

I'll hurt ya.

Wow, you're in a good mood.

I am.

How are you doing?

So-so, you know?

Not great, but trying to keep things on an even keel.

Hey, what about that boat of yours?

I can't sell it. Nobody wants to buy her.

How much do you want for her?

Honestly, I would take half just to get rid of the damn thing.

I'll give you all of it.

You really want to buy my boat?

Yeah.

Shake on it, Magic Mikey.

You're gonna buy my boat?

I am.

Congratulations!

Congratulations to you.

You just got a boat.

And I just got a vote.

Amy: Mike!

Mike, you're needed in here.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

There's f*cking press vans outside, Mike.

You better hope Russell Crowe is threatening to jump.

All right, we're gonna have to get her downstairs for an appearance.

Otherwise, they're gonna start speculating.

Uh duh duh.

Look, she is f*ckin' high right now.

( Urinating )

( Selina laughing )

Yeah, yeah.

You didn't happen to notice that the veep is tripping balls?

Gary gave her something that is reacting with her antidepressants and turning her into Julie Andrews.

( Muttering ) No, that's not doing it.

Dan: We just need to keep her here till this thing passes.

What if we pump her stomach?

I've had my stomach pumped before.

I think I can figure it out.

( Knocking at door )

Jonah: Knock, knock, J Rock o'clock!

Christ.

Yeah, somebody ordered boom service?

As a senior White House official,

I am commandeering this situation, Mike.

All right, what do you guys got for me?

Okay, she just walked through a glass door, which is somewhat ironic building up to an invisible primary, and she is temporarily insane on a cocktail of happy pills.

Over to you, Captain.

You just broke his brain, Amy.

Jesus, look at his stupid gaping mouth.

Let's put stuff in it.

Okay, decision. Listen up.

The veep will make a statement.

She will make this statement on camera and she will make this statement as soon as humanly f*cking possible.

Ca-fuckin'-piche?

What in the hell is your problem, Andrew?

What?

What are you looking at me like that for?

Your...

Huh?

You called me Andrew.

No, I did not.

I know who you are.

I can even say your name the other way...

Hanoj.

( Yawns )

All right, academically, Amy, what's your first move here?

Mike, go talk to the press.

Yeah, Mike, go talk to the press.

I'll tag team with you.

Gary, go get her some clothes.

Yeah, Gary, go get her some f*cking clothes, huh?

Come on, it's time to dress up and fess up.

( Clapping )

Go, go, go.

Gotta say, I think I handled that pretty well.

( Snoring )

There's something so sexy about being in a hotel in the middle of the day, right?

Yep, four people to one toilet.

You can hear everything that hits the water.

( Cell phone chiming )

Where the f*ck are you? Picking cotton to weave?

Amy, I can't find anything to cover her up.

She doesn't have any turtlenecks.

I've narrowed it down to four looks.

Just get back here.

Give me a number between one and four, please.

Four.

I think I prefer three.

f*cking three, then.

Actually, four's good.

Anchorwoman: So, who could challenge this president?

At the moment, the names we're hearing...

Okay, it has been three hours.

I need her on television now.

Do I need to draw you a line graph, Jonah?

More time equals less cuckoo.

We need to take a cold dump on the speculation.

Is she the mystery challenger who's going to throw her hat into the ring to challenge POTUS in two years?

We need to send the message that the ring is a hat-free zone.

No berets, no Stetsons, no beanies...

Why are you just listing hats?

Jonah's right. Ahem.

I've gotta put my face out there, my fucked-up face.

I feel so good. I had such a deep sleep.

Looks like I'll just be sitting over here being right.

Yeah, in 700 days of working with us, you've been right once.

Sit like a gentleman, please?

Oh, my God.

You like the view, Mike?

Okay, everyone. The vice president.

Reporter: Madam Vice President.

Please, give her some space.

Hi. Hi, guys.

I'm sorry for keeping you waiting. I'm fine.

I didn't want you to think I'm hiding anything.

( Chuckles ) 'Cause that's not my style.

What happened is that I, um...

I walked through a glass door.

And the only thing that's really hurt is my pride.

Were there any mitigating circumstances?

Was there carpeting or...?

Was there carpeting there, Mike?

Yes.

There was. Yes, it has been confirmed that there was carpeting there.

You will be doing the Get Moving Run tomorrow, correct?

I fully intend to run.

Oh, no, that's a f*cking wire brush to my hemorrhoids.

Reporter: Thank you, ma'am.

So she's either crazy or she's starting a presidential campaign.

Yeah, I'd say the two are synonymous.

"I intend to run"?

Jonah: No, no, no.

She was talking about running the race, sir, the 10K.

Fix it or I'll liaise your balls to your desk.

Yes, sir. And thank you for your continued... he's gone.

Amy, Amy, Amy. Okay, Amy.

She needs to run tomorrow to magic away any presidential speculation, okay?

She can't do the Fun Run.

She can barely do a convincing walk at the moment.

Okay, can and will.

Can't and won't.

Now go up and screw a pillow.

The room's paid for.

Oh.

Mike: And this just in from Taiwan.

So good.

What?

Come here.

What?

( Woman speaking Chinese )

( Laughing )

Dan: Oh.

What the f*ck?

Why are you laughing?

I love cartoons. ( Laughing )

( Snorting )

Selina: Jesus.

That's you, Gary.

Shut up.

That doesn't even look like the Leviathan.

What else you got? Is there anything else out there?

Your delay in facing the press has raised speculation on your long-term health.

What?

They're asking if you're up to the job, ma'am.

Am I up to the job?

Ooh, jeez.

Ooh.

The leg thing?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Seriously, I am totally overqualified for this job.

Stop it!

You know...

Selina: Stop what?

Nothing.

These flowers came for you from the Secretary of Defense Maddox.

Oh, let's see.

"Good luck with your Fun Run.

Try not to swear when the starter pistol goes off."

Come on.

He's just a varicose dick vein.

I can't stand that guy. All right, let's go, guys.

I went to a Mexican karaoke restaurant and I did "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen.

Oh, no, you didn't.

I did, and I changed the "hallelujah" to "jalapeño."

Oh ho ho! I can imagine that was very funny, sir.

Oh, Christ. It's the Committee.

They're gonna vote on the POTUS investigation.

Yeah, I think that's gonna be fine, sir.

Yeah, of course you do, Jonah.

You don't get the complexity.

You're the world's biggest single-cell organism.

Hey, Amy, you know Schmidt at the State Department?

He's the whistleblower. Yeah.

POTUS is gonna be up sh1t Creek and I am not hanging around to be his f*cking paddle.

I'm not.

It's not coming to that, ma'am.

We don't know. All I'm saying is that there are going to be difficult choices to make, you know?

Like "Sophie's Choice" choices, except more important because it's gonna be about me.

Well, hey there!

( Cheering )

All right. Great!

All right, ma'am.

Okay.

She is definitely wearing too much makeup.

She looks like Marcel Marceau.

Yeah. He couldn't tell the difference between real glass and air either.

Come on, that's f*ckin' funny.

Man over P.A.: On your marks...

Wait.

Yeah.

I'm scared.

...get set, go!

Yeah. Okay.

Oh, sh1t.

Let's do it!

Yeah, I see you!

I see you.

Let's get moving!

Mike: Oh, Christ. Did we warn her one of the Get Moving ambassadors was a one-legged veteran?

Dan: He's behind her. She's never gonna see him.

Mike: But wait, does it look good... her beating a one-legged guy like that?

No, it doesn't look good.

The alternative is a little worse, don't you think?

The key is we make it look like she could beat the guy, but then she lets him win.

Dan: Yeah, a win-win by losing. That's good.

Yeah?

Hello?

Gary, you need to get her to slow down.

Oh, thank God.

It looks bad if she's beating the disabled guy.

Okay.

Hey, ma'am, ma'am.

You gotta slow down.

Why?

It looks bad.

Oh, God, what? My face.

No, your face looks fine.

You're beating a disabled guy.

Oh, come on. Don't be so hard on yourself, Gary.

Oh, God. I can't stop her. She's unstoppable.

( Phone ringing )

Ben: Dep Sec Schmidt is testifying.

House Judiciary Committee is discussing an impeachment vote.

Burn everything incriminating, including this building.

Burn all the White House pets and then yourselves.

Burn yourselves first.

Jonah, you go down to the race site, make sure the vice president says she stands by POTUS.

Mr. Ryan, ensure that the vice president does not respond to any questions about the impeachment vote.

Those are contradictory orders.

You make sure that she stands up and she sh1ts back.

Refuses to engage at all.

Okay, so I should...

Pick a f*cking side.

Use your judgment.

Sir, that's not my strongest suit.

Dan: Aw, Christ.

Schmidt at the State Department just pushed the button.

The Judiciary Committee says he's agreed to testify.

Amy: Okay, give me Gary again.

Please, get me Gary again.

You know what? Pull over here.

Mike: Could this go to an impeachment vote?

( Tires screech ) All right, look, you guys go ahead.

We're gonna make sure Gary keeps up with her. Okay, okay.

Gary! Gary, come here!

Gary! Gary!

Mike: As soon as she crosses the finish line, the press is gonna be all over her.

All right, so what do we say?

Hang on, hang on.

No, no, f*ck it. We gotta go.

No, come on, man.

Come on!

f*ck!

Gary!

Amy: Gary.

What? What?

The Judiciary Committee is talking impeachment vote.

We need to give her a response.

I'm way behind.

If I keep talking, I'm gonna vomit.

Jonah?

Yeah. What's up, you f*ckin' Lorax?

Hey, Dan, if you're trying to get a statement to the veep, it's this... full commitment to the president, total backing.

No, no, no, no. She will support him, but she will not back him.

He's too toxic.

No, full backing, full support.

Oh, God, this zipper is like a cheese grater on my dick.

Ha ha! Lorax. ( Huffing )

So which one of us do you think Andre the Giant Jagoff is gonna obey?

Jonah?

Yeah.

100 bucks says you.

Really?

He's an idiot.

I'm surprised he gets to work without being hit by a car or punched in the mouth.

Hi!

Excuse me.

Ma'am, Amy says, "I give my support to the president in this very challenging time."

Emphasize it's important to respect the process of the hearing.

She needs a get-out.

Cut to the chase, Amy. I'm being overtaken by a banana.

I can't breathe. Oh, I can't breathe.

Ma'am, I need you to speed up or slow down.

We can't have you in a photo finish with a banana.

Yeah.

It's a caption contest waiting to happen.

Yeah, I'm not gonna get beaten by a banana.

( Crowd cheering )

Reporter: Madam Vice President! Madam Vice President!

Reporter 2: Well done.

Thank you.

Reporter 2: Nice job.

Thank you.

Not bad, considering, huh?

Yeah.

Feels good to get moving, guys.

Oh, my God, it gets the blood pumping.

You know, the key really, folks, to a healthy lifestyle is exercising well.

Hoo!

Thank you.

Any comment on the impeachment rumors?

I, of course, have given my full account of what I knew and now I'm sure the president will do the same.

( Reporters clamoring )

That's it, that's it.

( Groans )

Come on, put your hands above your head.

Put your... get them up.

( Wheezes )

Dan: Come on, buddy. Let's go.

Mike, come on.

Well done, ma'am.

( Sighs ) I am done.

Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am, you're all done.

I mean I am done. I am done with all of it.

The vice presidency... I mean forget it.

Seriously, Amy.

You can see what's coming, can't you?

He's gonna implicate me in all of this.

All of it.

And then it's gonna be two years of standing next to this man that I loathe.

Is this just the St. John's Wort talking?

Look at me. I'm covered in scabs.

( Sniffs ) I smell like a hobo's craphole.

Forget it. Forget it.

I'm not gonna run with him in two years.

I'm not gonna be his vice president.

I'm finished.

I'll come back in six years and I'll save the party from itself.

Hey, do you know what my time was, by the way?

Uh, what's good?

Like an eight-minute mile.

That.

Yeah?

Yeah, let's get moving...

( Sirens blaring )

Oh.

Oh, my God. ( Coughing )

That was really rough.

( Sighs )

Selina: Hey, Mike,

I have some sort of hazy memory of me promising to buy your... your boat.

Yeah, you did. Well remembered.

That's not gonna happen.

You can't hold me to that, right?

Yeah, no. Sure. Of course.

Man, that is low.

That's like trying to have s*x with somebody who's passed out.

Hey, ma'am, ahem... about my parents' party...

What? I thought your parents were dead.

No.

No?

No. Um...

It's their 40th wedding anniversary and you wanted to come and we were gonna go dancing.

You know, it's gonna be a big blowout.

Okay, I'm the Vice President of the United States.

Yeah.

You know.

I can't be running off to shindigs put on by the parents of people on my staff.

You know what I mean? That's completely...

Yeah, sure.

...absurd, you know?

I mean, you've never... never even mentioned your parents before.

I've just always assumed that they were dead.

I mean, why wouldn't I make that assumption?

Why wouldn't you, right? Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Let's get back for a second here...

Your parents are not dead?

No.

It's so funny that you thought that they were too.

I thought you were adopted.



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