04x01 - Masada

Her guy can get us in?

- Uh-huh.

- Good.

Feels like the end almost.

I guess we all gotta die sometime, eh?


S'a lot of beers.

I like beer, Cass.

Patrick and Murphy they're out fishing at sea, and the engine on the boat dies?

So Murphy just says, "Look, we're just gonna have to sit here and wait for help.

" So, for two full days, they're lost at sea.

And they see this little bottle, and it's just bobbin' around in the waves.

So, Patrick, he scoops it up, and he opens it.

And out pops a genie.

And he grants them one wish.

Patrick says, "Alright.

Turn the whole sea into Guinness.

" Just like that, the whole sea goes black with Guinness.

And Murphy says to Patrick, "What in the hell'd you do that for?

Now we're gonna have to piss in the boat.

" Piss in the boat.


I like that.

And listen.

We haven't done that in a while.


I love you.

Till the end of the world?

Till the end of the world.

I was having a laugh.

Wh Wh-Why would I would be joking about a groin pull?

It's nothing funny about it.

So I turn to him Shut your hole, birdman.


Yeah, you're a sly one, aren't you?

Well, if it isn't Nurse Ratched, come to bring us our lithium.

Movie references!

Nice one, friend.

Nice one.

Shut your mouth and put the wings away or we saw them off.

Come on.

So, where's my favorite traitor Agent Hoover?

I owe him a bit of a beatdown, actually.

Herr Starr set him on fire.


No need for that, then.

Shackle him.

Well, I really love what Lord Frankenstein's done with the place.

Really letting the dark and dank run wild, isn't he?

This is Masada, The Grail's command center for over 2,000 years and home to the Child Messiah.


Attention all Grail personnel.

I tell you what get me a latte, I'll tell me friends to take it easy on you when they get here.

No, thanks.

Padre got his powers back.

Sooner or later, he and Tulip, they're both gonna get me.

You think so?

I know so.


Otherwise, why the hell would we need you?

Let's go.

We're gonna be late for class.

Attention all Grail personnel.

What was that?

The Lee-Enfield rifle, named after its designer James Paris Lee.

You hear that?

That click-clunk?

That's the sound of a 303 slidin' into place, ready to fly.

You wanna torture someone?

First things first you gotta earn their respect.

And let me tell you somethin' There's few things more respectable than the Enfield.

Protect Him we must, our holy Babe Leader of a world brand-new - Arise, He shall come - Shh, shh.

- When the time is right - Listen up.

- Together, we will start anew - Come on, be quiet.


The sky will be bathed in a glorious light The world, His vision will come true Cleansed are the sinners, not a heretic in sight Together we will start anew!

He's glorious, protect Him He's glorious, we'll protect Him Together we Hi.

Sorry to interrupt your little sing-along.

Your dick of a boss kidnapped our friend, and we want him back.

Who wants to help us break into Masada and get him out?


And I thought they'd be into it.

It's very surprising.

You sure about this?

Bunch of fascist assholes?

Singing their fascist songs.

Hell yeah, I'm sure.

Do it.

She's the boss.

You work for her.

She's the boss.

We work for her.

Alright, bitches.

Let's go.

He's moved on.

No matter.

He can't hide.




Last but not least liver.

God damn it!

I gotta drink with that!

Now, at this point, your typical vic is bleeding out and fading fast.

There's only so many body parts a person can lose.

Know what I'm saying?

But our subject here is special.

Whatever he loses he grows back.

That being said, bullets is easy.

Bullets is basic.

You want to produce a deeper kinda hurt, you gotta go old-school.

When it comes to the application of pain, you gotta go Bensonhurst.



Ah, Fredo.

Come here a sec.

Let me have a word wit'cha.

Come here.

Listen to me.

I've been gettin' tortured since before yer Ma had a bloody mustache.

You know what I mean?

There's nothing you could do to me that hasn't been done a hundred times already, honestly.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.


Frankie's working on the vampire, sir.

Any sign of Custer?


He's here.

Let him in.

Happy you could join us, Custer.

You'll see I've taken precautions.

I see you've got an old lady.

A deaf and dumb old lady, in case you get any ideas.

Only ideas I have is to get Cassidy outta here.

Where is he?

He is resting peacefully.

You're mad at me, not him.

'Cause of the old I'm sorry.

We haven't exactly brought the best out in each other.

Well, I wanna put that behind us.

So I got you a little somethin'.

Hand over Cassidy, and you can wear hats again.

Take off your headphones.

Let me use The Word, make it right.

Nice try, Custer.

But I had a different idea when I took your friend and lured you here.

Don't you want to know What is your very different idea, Klaus?

You're here, Jesse Custer, to have a giant v*g1n* carved into your head.

I see.

That's how you want to play it.

Take me to Cassidy.

The door's the key.

You're absolutely right, boss.

It's the only way in and out.

We need that door open and kept open.

Great plan, boss.

Yeah, we got a good feeling here.




Took you long enough, w*nk*r.


What happened?

Son of a bitch.

He's been circumcisin' me.

Over and over like.

Are you laughin' at me?


Who did this to you?

Who's askin', asshole?

I am.

Let's fight.

Room service.


I had this, ya know.

- What?

- I had it.

I was probing for weaknesses and biding my time like, ya know?

You were biding for a lot of it.

Now, you see now, there!

You're laughin' at me!

No, I'm not.

Come on.

Tulip's waitin'.


You gonna do your vampire thing?

Do I Do I want to do my vampire thing?

You know, like rip his head off or suck his blood.

I'm good.


Caught her reconnoitering.

Nice work.

Go on up to Operations and fill out an incident report.

No, I won't.

You got something better to do?


"Secure the exit and waste anyone that gets in our way.

" What the hell has gotten into you?

I don't like it either, Tam, but filing reports is part of the job.

So, it'll only take a few minutes.

I don't give a sh1t how long it takes, Sarge.

- I'm not doing it.

- Soldier!

You work for me, and you will damn well do what I say.

No, I work for her now.

Oh, sh1t.

We're under attack!

Keep that door open!

On it, boss!

How we doing, Tammie?


Aw, sh You got a problem with the way I save yer ass, then stop gettin' in trouble.

The reason I'm ever in trouble in the first place is because of you and your godly bullshit.

I forgot before we met, you were a Boy Scout walkin' old ladies across the street.

Well, I wasn't getting my pen1s shaved off on a regular basis.

Let's put it that way.

Let's go.

This way.

Honestly, my bollocks.


You don't have any Percocets, do you?

I forgot the Percocet.

Yeah, of course, you know?

Why would anyone bring a bloody torture victim painkillers?

You know what I mean?



Great plan so far.

You know, what I've really missed, Cassidy, is the constant complaining.

Do ya know what yer problem is?


Don't move!

There is an exit, right?

Tulip's on it.

Are you okay, boss?


A-A-Are you okay?


Stings a little.

Remember the mission, boss.

If Jerry and Cass are gonna get out, we need this door open and kept open.

It's Jesse.

Well, then, they're screwed.

No, y-you just gotta throw the switch open.

There's a switch that opens the door?

There's a door switch?

Well Where the hell is it?


Don't worry, boss.

We got this.


Whatcha doing?

I already pressed that.

Well, I pressed it again.

Come on.

Slowest goddamn elevator Yeah, well, I've seen much slower.

'Course you have, Cass.

You've seen it all, haven't you?


Much, much slower.

A thank-you would be nice.


How about, "Thank you for letting me get caught up in your pissing contest with a deranged cryptofascist cult leader"?


My foreskins can never repay you, Jesse.

You see?

Wasn't so hard.


Lobby floor.


Is that the exit?

Where's Tulip?

I'm sorry, but I'm gonna need that door open.

Don't be sorry, bitch.


I can't believe you're still pissed about that.

You cut me into pieces and tried to mail me!

Not even first class, neither.

- Don't think I didn't notice that.

- I was tryin' to help.

You were trying to be the hero, just like you are doing now.

It's your bloody kick, alright?

You like making people do the things you think's best.

I'm sorry I thought it best that you not burn alive, Cass.

I-I tell you now Maybe next time I won't make that mistake.

I-I-It's not just me, neither, you know?

It's Tulip, too.

Leave her out of it.

D'yeh think, like D'yeh think I chose this?

Like I'm actually enjoying being in love with her?

We're not gonna talk about her ever again.

You understand?

Not one more word.



Teach you to sucker-punch me.



Blow me.

I'm serious.

I'll do it.

I'll die a martyr, slain at the hand of disbelieving moron.

Okay, then.

Buy us some more time.

Come on.

Oh, sh1t.

You need a jacket for the sun?


Well, come on.

You're free.

Free to what?

Cass What the hell are you doing, Cass?

I told you.

I got this.


Hold your fire!

Not yet.

Makes no sense.

"I got this"?

That's what he said.


Don't make no sense, Jesse.

What exactly about Cassidy does make sense?

What's that supposed to mean?

Did something happen?

Did you two fight.

Not really.

What happened?

Jesse Custer, what did you do?


I got him right there to the door, but I tried.

I swear.

Well, does he know I'm here?

Did he Did he ask about me?

So we go again.

Drag his dumb ass out of there if we have to.

It's gonna be tough.

They'll really be expecting us this time.

Hey, I still got that Grail suit, remember?

From Japan?

How about we Did you sleep with him?



Did you sleep with him?

Excuse me.

Did I I won't be mad.

I promise.

Just tell me.

Did you sleep with him?




Tomorrow, we go again.


Time to get to work.


Time to find God, son.

But you'd better hurry up.

Big things are coming for you.




No more dreamin'.

This is your wake-up call.

I'll accept any punishment you see fit to administer.

Get out.

Ahh, one of my greatest creations.

You better be right about this.

I'm right about everything.

I had him.

I had him dead to rights.

But you didn't want him dead to rights, Herr Starr.

You wanted to make him suffer.


So let's make him suffer.