02x03 - Damsels

[bunniefuu]

Eugene, where are you?

I need you.

Please, come now.

Lock the door.

Tracy, what's wrong?

What happened?

He cheated on me.

Jenny lewin saw him getting head under the bleachers from Karen freakin' Murphy.

She's a five at best.

Jenny lewin hates me.

She's gonna tell everyone that Tucker cheated on me with a five.

I'll be humiliated.

So...

I'm gonna k*ll myself.

It's my dad's, and it's loaded.

Whoa, wait.

Why don't you put that down before somebody gets hurt?

I'm k*lling myself, Eugene.

I already wrote my su1c1de note.

"To whom it may concern...

Dear everybody, my death has nothing to do with that assh*le Tucker." "I hereby leave buckeroo to Suzy k., my only friend" who cared enough to bring him carrots.

The rest of my stuff should be kept exactly where it is, like a shrine so people can remember me.

Under no circumstances are my brothers "ever allowed in my room." "for Tucker, I'll leave a list" of all the guys I've had really great sex with so he can be jealous for all eternity...

"Greg, Houston, Cody h., Cody d." Cody d.?

Well it was just a**l so I'll still get into heaven.

The part about you is at the end.

"I officially put my most trusted friend..." Eugene root...

"In charge of everything in this letter." My funeral playlist is on page 14.

Make sure they bury me in that dress.

Look, iil'm sorry, Tracy, but il'm not gonna help you with this.

No way.

You have to.

You're the only person I can count on to do what I say.

Look.

I know this hurts, but dying is not the answer.

Living is.

Look, Tracy, god would not want you to give up on yourself just 'cause...

Just 'cause Jenny lewin's got a big mouth.

He's probably got a miracle waiting for you right around the corner.

The thing is...

You got to stick around if you want to see it.

It...

it's like what Mary poppins says in "the sound of music", that when god closes a door, he always opens up a window.

You're right.

I used to love Mary poppins.

We won't need this anymore.

Thanks, Eugene.

What the heck?

I'm...

I'm sorry.

I just...

I just thought that...

You thought that because me and Tucker that...

You and me?

Maybe.

Ew.

God.

God.

No!

Darn it.

Tracy?!

Thank gosh.

I'm so sorry.

Please don't die.

I'm just gonna get all this back in here, and you'll be good as new, all right?

It really looks a lot worse than it is.

Just gonna scoop this stuff back in there where it belongs.

Please don't die, Tracy.

Please don't die.

Hello?

Tracy?

Tracy?

Hey, Mrs.

loach.

We'll be out in just a second.

Okay, Eugene.

Why is this door locked?

We'll be out in just a minute.

Tracy, you know the rules.

Unlock this door.

What's going on in there, Eugene?

Tracy's taking a nap, Mrs.

loach.

We'll be out in...

Just...

just a minute.

Tracy, honey, are you okay?

What's he doing to you?

Eugene, open this door right now or you're gonna be in big trouble.

I mean it.

Eugene root, open this door or I'm calling your father.

Please don't do that, Mrs. loach.

Tracy?

Tracy?

Eugene, you leave my daughter alone.

Eugene, you answer me right now!

You monster!

You get your hands off my daughter, Eugene!

I'm calling your father right now!

Eugene!

Eugene!

Eugene, where are you?

I need you.

Please, come now.

Lock the door.

He cheated on me.

I'm gonna k*ll myself.

I'm sorry, Tracy, but I'm not gonna help you with this.

Dying is not the answer.

Living is.

Ew.

No!

It really looks a lot worse than it is.

Hello?

Tracy?

Eugene, where are you?

Lock the door.

It's my dad's, and it's loaded.

Dying is not the answer.

Living is.

Please don't die.

God.

You and me?

Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

All units down in block 3767211.

Don't move.

I just think New Orleans is a dumb idea.

Got a better one?

No, Nola's great.

Ladies flash their boobs at practically nothing up there.

If you like that sort of thing.

I don't.

Are we gonna have to listen to this one song over and over the whole drive?

I'm just trying to figure it out.

Tammy said "a walk to the peak" was god's favorite.

It is kinda catchy.

Yeah, like cats screwing at the airport under an icecream truck.

I thought you hated New Orleans.

I like the city fine.

It's the swamps I don't like.

Why's that?

It's a family thing.

You want me to drive?

My car?

No.

Why?

You're driving like a little boy.

No, I'm not.

You're goin' 50.

That's the legal speed limit, Jesse.

I just think New Orleans is a dumb plan.

So I heard.

All's we know is that god has a crappy taste in music.

I like jazz.

I like tacos.

Doesn't mean I go to Mexico.

You have gone to Mexico.

I didn't go to Mexico for the tacos, Jesse.

I went to k*ll a guy.

That's my point.

Do you know what, though?

I could really go for a Mexican taco right now.

But you don't have to go to Mexico for one, Cassidy.

Lots of places have Mexican tacos.

Just like there's lots of jazz in Mexico.

Mexijazz.

Exactly.

I think we probably should go to Mexico.

Because maybe god likes mexijazz?

Well, maybe.

Well, I got a good feeling about New Orleans.

You have any idea how many jazz clubs there are in New Orleans, Jesse?

187.

I looked it up.

So where do we start, padre?

How 'bout right here?

'Scuse me.

Hey.

I'm lookin' for god.

All three of you?

Yeah.

Cover me.

These folks are looking for god.

All three of them?

Yeah.

Follow me.

These folks are looking for god.

All three of us.

So, $1,800 to watch.

$4,000 if you want to play.

And doggie style is $12,000.

Wow.

That's different.

What'll be?

Right.

What the hell are you doing?

Payin' the man.

We don't want this.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

We're looking for god.

God, god.

The god.

Not this.

Get out of here, preacher man.

You had your chance.

Let's go.

Y'all, too.

Get out of here, ya freaks.

You don't know what you're missing out on.

That suit was so formfitting.

Be bloody hard to get out off, I'd imagine?

Unless he never takes it off.

She might very well enjoy grooming him, you know?

You think they're a couple.

How do they make the, Well, I think that's what the bloody treats are for, if you know what I mean.

I don't feel so good.

Well, neither do I.

Stomach's still doing bloody flips after seeing that.

Not that.

Ii gotta go lie down.

We're only just getting started.

Yeah, and I don't feel good.

Give me a sec.

What's going on, tulip?

I told you a bunch of times, okay?

I got a stomachache.

It's like piercing, sharp, grabby kinda of feeling.

Sharp, grabby kind of feeling?

Is that all you got to say?

Yeah.

All right.

Feel better.

Don't be mad at me.

Why would I be mad at you?

I don't know.

No reason.

Maybe about the not getting married.

Marriage is stupid, like we said.

I know.

God's missing, tulip.

I gotta find him.

Hey.

Till the end of the world, right?

Right.

Well, looks like it's just me and you, cass.

Where she goin'?

I dunno.

Motel.

Let's try that one.

No, no, no.

I'm sorry, padre.

I'm gonna have to go with her.

What?

Well, she can't check into a motel.

We're staying with denis.

Who?

The guy who we're staying with, denis, if he finds out we're staying at a motel, he'll never forgive me, all right?

I'll text you the address.

You're gonna love 'im.

Lookin' for god.

What's that?

Lookin' for god!

Yo, order a drink or take a hike, buddy.

Ratwater, neat.

Hey, you know that joke about the preacher who walks into a bar?

That's him.

Preacher lookin' for god.

That's a joke.

Aah!

You seem anxious.

I ain't anxious.

All right.

Well, nervous then.

But it's okay.

It makes sense.

I'm nervous and I'm not the one who just k*lled a man with a pager wand.

Where are you talking about that?

I told you not to talk about that.

I know.

I just have a couple of questions.

No.

All right.

Well, one question then.

Like, who the...

No question.

None, got it.

Sh...

so, we're on the run.

Statement, not a question.

What?

Tulip?

Tulip O'Hare, I thought that was your cute little backside.

Hi, Mrs. barbaret.

Where've you been, honey?

You know, just...

Out of town.

Well, you stop all your running around and come over for some 'a my doberge.

I'll make the lemon like you like.

Thank you, Mrs. barbaret.

That sounds real good.

You've been a stranger too long.

She seems really nice.

sh*t.

Maybe not.

How do you know this guy again?

Who?

Denis?

We go way back.

He's hysterical.

Denis!

My god, man.

You look great!

Come here.

It's good to see you.

Tulip, denis.

Denis, tulip.

C'est pas denis.

C'est denee.

Un- Do you speak French?

No.

Yeah, neither of us got any of that, denis.

But we would like to sleep in your house for a very long time.

All right, come on quick.

Are you sure he's okay with this?

He left the door open, didn't he?

I know where you can find god, preacher.

Mandog in the basement.

Hey.

No, I saw that already.

It's not what I'm looking for.

Don't talk to her.

Eddie, you're so embarrassing.

Hey.

I just wanted to say thank you for lettin' us stay.

I got you these.

I remember you liked the ones with the peanuts, so, yeah.

Listen, no need to go to any trouble.

We're gettin' ourselves settled in back there all right, so...

And I got another friend coming over, too.

He's a preacher.

Preacher.

Man of god, denis.

We're on a really big mission.

It's big.

It's important stuff.

Really, it is.

"Three stooges." It's a classic, isn't it?

In any language that's good.

All right.

I'll leave you to it.

All right.

So, towels are in the closet.

Bathroom down the hall.

I just spoke to denis.

He's thrilled we're here, you know?

I can't be here, Cassidy.

You're afraid of someone.

Statement.

It's not a question.

Why did it have to be New Orleans?

I knew someone would see me here.

Mrs. barbaret is probably telling Viktor right now.

Viktor?

Who's Viktor?

Doesn't matter.

What matter is I screwed him, and now I'm here in his backyard.

Stupid New Orleans.

All right.

We...

we could always just leave.

You know, I'm a big proponent of running away from your problems.

Yeah?

Well, Jesse's not.

As long as he thinks god's here, he's not going anywhere.

I'm sure he might if he knew about your troubles.

If he knew about my troubles, he'd make it a whole lot worse.

Believe me.

Why would he do that?

He's your exfiancé, and he loves you.

I can't tell him.

Well, then, let me help you out.

You can't help me, Cassidy.

Really?

You serious?

Helped you move the body of your m*rder victim, didn't I?

And I've helped you lie to my best mate more than once now.

I know, but...

I helped you set up these free digs as well.

I think I can be pretty damn helpful, actually.

I'm not saying you're not no, you're treating me like an idiot Irish sidekick, and I think you need to tell me what the hell is going on here, love.

'Scuse me.

Lookin' for god.

What the hell are you talking about?

You seen god?

Get lost, weirdo.

You seen god?

Is this a joke?

Hey, I'm looking for god.

In a bar?

Good one, preacher.

I'll have whatever he's smoking.

- You seen god?

- You lookin' for Santa claus and the easter bunny, too?

You tell me where god is.

You're the preacher man.

'Scuse me.

Lookin' for god.

You seen god?

Lookin' for god.

Bar's closed, buddy.

Time to go.

You seen god?

In New Orleans?

Never mind.

Hey.

You might want to talk to the singer at le chamonix.

Thank you.

Make it a double tonight, Stan.

Put that on my tab.

I'm Lewis.

Lara.

Thanks for the drink.

Thank you, honey.

I don't make a habit of talking to ladies in bars.

I got to tell you, you're about the hottest thing I've seen since fire.

Well, thank you, Lewis.

So you like America?

Who doesn't?

Which part about it do you love most?

The freedom, of course.

I love that part, too.

Well, sounds like you and me have a lot in common.

How about you let me take you to dinner?

Or we could just...

Cut the bullshit and go back to my dressing room.

Two Americanloving patriots, just free to do whatever we want.

Yes, ma'am.

You just have to answer me one question first.

I'm not married.

That's not my question, Lewis.

What's the capital of Florida?

Um, I think it's, um, Tallahassee?

So close.

Sorry, Lewis.

I believe Tallahassee is the capital of Florida.

Well, he wasn't sure.

Lemme guess...

you're a man who knows his capitals.

Nope.

Never really been interested in geography.

That's right.

Preachers aren't allowed to be interested in geography.

That's catholics.

I can be interested in whatever I want.

So what are you interested in?

God.

I didn't have you pegged as a cliché.

Bartender at sugar foot said you might know where he is.

Which bartender's that?

Tall black guy.

Said I should talk to you.

Clean yourself up.

Meet me outside.

Freak!

How dare you!

Help!

No!

Help!

Stop.

Aah!

Aah!

You all right?

Who are you?

Jesse custer.

I'm not with them.

Come with me.

Did she go down okay?

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you.

Where are you gonna go?

Someplace I can keep Gracie safe.

One sec.

Yeah.

- Hey, sweetie.

- How you doing?

Mama's home shh.

Go back to sleep.

Those men back there...

How'd you get them to stop?

I told 'em to.

You told them to?

It's the collar.

Gives me aan authority.

Who are they?

What do they want?

They are a supersecret cryptoreligious fascist organization with designs on total world domination.

Yeah, that's the same look I had when I heard it.

Who told you that?

Some guy who used to come into the club, drink, hit on me, whatever.

No, he said they were after him.

Why?

What they want from him?

He comes in one night, tells me...

God's missing and that these people in white suits are after him, warning him to be quiet.

Who is this guy?

Where can I find him?

He's dead.

Body washed up in the swamps.

Until tonight, I tried to tell myself it was a coincidence, but...

I mean, they find dead guys in the swamps all the time, right?

I just...

Couldn't shake the feeling I was being followed by men in white.

Well, they must have known you talked to him.

I thought I was losing my mind.

Hey.

If you hadn't come along, I...

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

It's okay.

It's just lucky I was there.

Real lucky.

Seriously, how'd you get them to stop?

Like I said, I told them to.

No, these aren't the kind of people who stop because someone tells them to.

How did you make them stop, preacher?

I have a power.

I can make people do anything I say.

So, hold on.

You...

you can just say something and they do it?

Show me.

I don't think that would be a good idea.

Like, for example...

say I wanted to kiss you.

Could you make me stop?

Even if I really...

Really wanted to?

Stop.

Hey, sweet baby.

Mama'll be right back.

Shh.

I'm going to the airport.

You sure this is all right?

We'll be okay with my sister.

Strange, I never thought much about god before all this.

Not many people have.

Why would he leave heaven?

What's he thinking?

I don't know.

Well, I hope you find him.

I will.

You know, preacher, I believe you just might.

Got you that time.

Bye.

You take care.

Hey.

Hey.

Whatcha doing?

Workin'.

Still looking?

Yeah, I'm still looking.

Seems like we might not be the only ones to know god's missing.

Some kind of coverup.

Some sort of group.

I'm just trying to figure out why.

Well, that's cool.

What's up?

Well, we're at this guy denis' place.

Cassidy keeps talking about how great he is, but I think he pretty much hates Cassidy's guts, so...

But he got cereal and poptarts.

Is that why you called me?

I'm just filling you in.

Come on, tulip.

What's going on?

Did you call me just to breathe down the phone?

No, I just wanted to say...

stuff.

Well, you ain't saying any stuff.

Well, you ain't saying any stuff, neither.

I gotta go.

Fine.

Go find your god then, preacher.

Tulip.

Tulip.

Where you going?

Just to get smokes.

Would you want some company?

I'll be okay.

Hello?!

Hello?

Who's there?

Heavy set, boys.

One more.

Come on.

One more.

What you want to hear then?

It's a tough choice, brother.

"A walk to the peak"?

Yeah.

Deep cut, daddyo.

One, two.

Aone, two...

Will someone please get me a damn dog next time?

Was the intel right?

Whatever custer's got, it's for real.

So, what do you want to do about it?

Kick him up to Samson unit.

You sure?

Do it.

Track's 18 karat, brother.

Been listening to it a lot, trying to understand what it's about.

Can't you feel it?

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, now you're diggin' it, daddyo.

It's the end of the world.

Hey.

Got change for $100?

All I got's a five.

Fine.

Everyone out!

Now!

Viktor, we got her.