01x07 - Welcome to the Fu-Bar

Previously on Z Nation.

A bullet to the heart will reveal the truth.

[screaming] No!


[whispering] I love you.

[whispering] I love you too.


Mack: Warren, we have to go.

[crying] No! We have to go now.

[crying] We can't let him turn.

[crying] We have to give him mercy!



Citizen Z: Good morning, people. Welcome to the third day of the sixth month of the year 03 A.Z. If you're listening to this, it means you're still alive. So congratulations. Or condolences. You know, whatever.

If you're noticing more despair in my voice than usual today, it's because we lost someone special. I know, we lose people all the time. Getting your face chewed off by a Z is more common than making it to your next birthday. But this guy... This one's worth mentioning.

Charles Garnett, First Sergeant, Army National Guard Reservist, was an honest to God, real life, actual good guy. He fought for other people, not just for his own survival. And he did something that's pretty much impossible these days. He gave people hope. Remember hope? Remember thinking that we might actually come out on the other side of this thing? Yeah. That. Sergeant Garnett died trying to give us a reason to hope. And for that... Sergeant Charles Garnett. On behalf of a grateful nation, or whatever the hell we are now, we salute you.


Mack: Radiator?

Doc: Yeah.

Mack: Fixable?

Don't know.

Gee, if we only had a mechanic.

You got to let her deal, man.

She's got that post-traumatic stress.

She's got post-traumatic stress?

The whole world's got post-traumatic stress.

Actually there isn't anything post about it.

We all got plain ol' present tense, all traumatic, all stress all the time.

What makes her so special?

Hey. Wake up. Hey.

No, you can't just check out.

We got a job to do.

And I am running out of time.

And California is still 2,000 miles of bad road away.

And we are<i> not</i> gonna make it without you.

Cuz it's not like they're gonna follow me or the old man or the wonder twins out there.


All right, Addy and I will scout up ahead.

See if we can get some help.

We will?


Yeah, I dunno, guys. I think we should stick together.

No, Doc. Don't worry.

We're just gonna scout ahead and circle back around and find you.

I mean it's not like you're getting far in the truck.

Come on, Addy.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but what if Warren doesn't snap out of it?

She's not giving up.

All right, well we can't just sit here and wait for help to come.

I mean we got to do something.


[bike revving]

(10K) I found the leak in the radiator hose.

Taped it up a little bit, but we're not going anywhere unless we get some water in there.

I get thirsty.

We all get thirsty.

I'll drive.

Knock yourself out, kid.

Whoa! Whoa!

Easy there, kid! Easy!

Who taught you how to drive?

Ahhh... no one.

Hands on the ten and the two.

And easy on the gas.

Nothin' out here.

No people, no gas, not even Zs.

Nah, we got to go back.

There is no help out here.

There's no help back there either.

We have to go back, Mack.

We have a mission.

We made a promise.

No, we didn't.

We never did.

Addy, the only promise we ever made was to each other.

To stay alive.

Look, yeah, okay.

Maybe we didn't say the words and we didn't sign an oath. But we all stand for each other.

We don't leave each other behind.

Garnett came back for me when those cannibals kidnapped me.

And now you want to leave Warren?

She needs us.

They all need us.

I just think maybe we have a better chance on our own.

Like in the beginning.


So how long?


How long before you think that you have a better chance on your own?

Addy. Whoa.


I came back for you.


The cannibals.

I came back for you. I'll always come back for you.

You know me.

I'm not so sure anymore.

About anything.

All right.

We'll go back.


Go right.

Why right?

Why not?

No Zs.

That's a good sign.

Getting interesting.

Liquor! Now you're talking.

Murphy, we're gonna have to let you navigate more often.

[Doc and Murphy laugh]

Congratulations, son. You're now the designated driver.

What's that mean?

It means step on it!

[Doc and Murphy laugh]


[whispering] I've never seen so many in one place.

[whispering] So much for going back.

<i> [electric guitar theme music plays]

♪ Have mercy... ♪

[three gunshots]

♪ Oh, have mercy. ♪</i>


Y'all armed?

Cassandra: Obviously.

Good. We don't have time to babysit anyone.

Guns and liquor.

What could go wrong?

Did anyone say liquor?

Enjoy the show fellas.

Welcome to S&S Limited, the finest gun show in the west.

Entry fee is seven.

Seven what?



Grams of whatever DIY super fun time substance you got.

Well I think I got some crystal back in the truck.

It's the good stuff too. Yeah.

Back off with the toilet bowl cleanser meth.

We only take that genuine vein splittin' take you right out of this beautiful apocalypse and into a hell-hole meth.

Well slap my ass and call me Sally if it ain't Sketchy McClain.

How'd you get way out here?

We traded our way up in the world.


You see zombies, they move in mysterious ways.

We were on our last legs when we came upon this truckload of sweet weaponry under attack.

We had to give the former owners mercy.

And in return, they gave us this wonderful vehicle with enough gas to get us here to Kansas.


Hey, Skeezy!

Look what the living dead dragged in!


I heard you were toast back at Camp Blue Sky! [laughs]

Don't just stand there. Get your ass in here.

We need another sucker.

Doc: Bite me, Skeezy.

Hey, I got to show you the new and improved Z-Whacker.

[both laughing]

Hey, speaking of Z-Whacker what happened to the girl you were with? Did she...

No, man. We're still traveling together.

They went ahead looking for help.

Kinda thought they'd end up here.

No, haven't seen them.

And I'm pretty sure I'd notice.


Here we've got our latest innovations in zombie fighting technology.

Small arms. Hot potato.

Siege weapons.


You name it, we got it.

Just sit back, relax, and forget about the apocalypse.

Aren't you worried about the Zs?

Look around.

We're in the middle of nowhere Kansas.

We're surrounded by hundreds of square miles of nothing but fallow farmlands.

There's no Zs here. Nothing for them to eat.

They've all moved on to the big cities.

Don't you worry.

I'll protect you.

Yeah, but anyway, if one were to come amble by, to say we're prepared is an understatement, right? Uh, over there is the FU-Bar.

Home to the finest and probably actually the only corn whiskey and moonshine between here and the Miss...

Whoa. Somebody's thirsty.

Listen man, we need a new vehicle.

Ours is dying a slow death. You think you could help us out?

You know, for old time's sake?

No can do, my friend.

I'm an entrepreneur, not a philanthropist.

But there might be a way you can help yourself.

Our first annual live zombie shooting contest.

What's the prize?

Hey, Vernon. Show our friends here first prize.



That a real 50 caliber M82 Barret?


Plus we'll even throw in a few hundred rounds of shells.

Seems like a little overkill.

Yeah. But there's a lot of guys who like their toys.

A lot of guys who might be willing to trade a vehicle for a sweet piece of steel like that 50.

You know what I mean?

Where do I sign up?

You think you got what it takes, little man?

This kid could kill a Z at 50 yards away with a rubber band and a paper clip.

All right. Sign ups in the FU-Bar.

If you do win and you want to trade it for a bad mama jama vehicle, you wanna talk to a guy named Wannamaker.

Oh and if you want side action talk to Vernon.

But do<i> not</i> bet against that guy.

Darren Cooper.

Ex Ranger Sniper.

Fifty confirmed kills in Afghanistan.

Lethal as they come.


You got to do something about her.

I'm not waiting for anybody.

I know, Murphy. Keep your shorts on.

Have you seen a guy in here named Wannamaker?

What, are we making friends now?

Anybody know anybody in here named Wannamaker?

Who wants to know?

Oh, we're just lookin' to trade.

You know just a little business.

Yeah, my friend said he might have a vehicle.


Wannamaker's got cars.

Do you know where he is?

Uh, hey! Uh, hello!

He's not gonna wake up.

Once Wannamaker's down, he's down.

Check back in forty-eight hours.

Well what about you?

You look like a car man.

I don't drive cars.

I drive machines.

Any, uh, any machine you'd be willing to let go of?


What do you got to trade?

Don't worry, darlin'. You're not worth it.

Ain't nothing as sweet as the Formanmobile.

What about that 50 caliber first prize?


Even if you do win, and that's a big if, the Formanmobile is not for sale.



Quiet as they come.



Fully regenerative internal plumbing system complete with marine grade PEX fittings.

Built in, we got an NSV machine gun, flame thrower, cattle gun, grenade launcher, doom whistle, plus the usual wheel spikes, all that.

Look at me teasin' ya.

Ain't no way you're getting your hands on my baby.

Doc: Oh, okay.

Well he's drunk.

Let's go get you signed up, kid.

[slurring] I got to drain the lizard king.

Hey, Forman!

Forman, you okay?



What are you doing?

Get off me!



[sounds of struggle]

Zombie. Hell.

What are you?!


[growling] [yelling]




Doc: Let's hope they'll take a busted up truck for the entrance fee.

Next. Have your entry fees ready.

[breathing heavily] No key. Come on.

[muffled chatting]

Ladies and gentlemen.

It's that moment you've all been waiting for.

It's shootin' time.


I'm Ten Thousand.

Don't need to know your name to kick your ass.

Registered shooters!

Please hit your marks on the designated firing line!

All right, this first round takes place 100 yards out.

When I announce the target Z, you aim.

When I say fire, you shoot.

If you miss, you're out.

This is sudden death, people.

Cuz there ain't no other way these days.

Skeezy over here's gonna be judge.

And what the judge says is final. Yeah?

Last man standing gets the 50!


Tell them what second place gets them, Vernon!

Set of steak knives!

[all laughing]

You're a shoe-in, kid.

You lost someone?

Seems like that's all we ever do these days.

Makes you wonder if it's even worth being around people anymore.

Was it family?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

You're gonna need a few more of these.


You ready, shooters?!

Let's... kill... some... zombies!

[crowd cheering]

[excited chatter]

Round one!

There's the first target right there.

Hippie dude with the long hair.


[gunshots] [splorches]

[excited chatter continues]

All right, who shot grandma?

Voorhees, you're out!

[excited chatter continues]

Next target! Hipster with the sweatpants!



[crowd cheering]

You okay, Forman? [music stops] You don't look so good. You bleeding?

I'm more than bleeding, you idiot. I'm bit! Some zombie-looking mother bit me!

If it was a zombie, you'd have turned.

I don't know what he was. But he wasn't right! He's like some kind of animal or something. He took the keys to the Formanmobile. And he'll steal your stuff too. And who knows who else he's gonna bite.

You. You. You.

I'm finding that dude and I'm taking him out before he has a chance to bite anyone else. Who's with me?!

[crowd yells]

Let's get him! We'll get him!

Let's go!

Anything I need to know?

It's not a zombie.

It's like some kind of unnatural disaster.

[typing on keyboard] [computer beeps]

A freakin' zunami.


[like an alarm] Booongk.



[in announcer accent] This is not a test. Repeat. This is not a test.

This is the Citizen Z emergency broadcast system. There's a... a flood, a zombie flood, a zunami of biblical proportions.

If you're anywhere in the vicinity of Western Kansas, you need to...

Screw it. You need to get the hell out now!

If you're in Hamilton, Greeley, Wichita, Kearney County area, get the hell out now!

[mimicking an alarm] Booongk. Booongk. Booongk.

[gunshots in distance]

[cheering in distance]

That's him! That's the Z that bit me!


Why do I have a bad feeling about that?

Get the Z!

That's him!

Hey, guys. What's up?


He's not a zombie. He's talkin'.

I said he looked like a zombie.

I mean look at him.

But it doesn't matter. He stole my keys!

Uh, that's a lie.

Then what are you doing at my machine?

Search him.

It is a Z!

I told you.

I am gonna put him down.

Doc: No!






[yelling] Zombies!


[plethora of gunfire] Let's go! Get out of here!

[gunfire continues]

[western music plays] [gunfire continues]


[several gunshots]

[crowd cheering]

Nice shootin', everybody!

Hey, people checking out inventory over at the barter tables, watch stray bullets. Thanks.

[cheering continues]


[snarling continues]



[growling continues]

[both breathing heavily]

[breathing heavily] What?


You bit that guy?

No. No. It was just a fight.

Well what'd you fight him with?

Because he was bleeding. A lot.

I dunno. He was drunk. I didn't see.

I tried to help him, and then he accused me of stealing from him.

You tried to help him?

Come on, man. Level with me.

Screw it. We need a vehicle, and we need it more than he does.

Because I'm the savior of humanity.

Remember? Priority number one.

So we do what we got to do. And sometimes we steal stuff.

Did you bite him?

Doc, you know me.

I am not an animal.

What happened to your tooth?

[whispering] Look.

Stay here.

I'm gonna go get the others.

I'm very disappointed.

[ice cream truck music playing]

We got five contestants left.

Next target.

Cowboy hat.


[five gunshots]

Snyder, you're out.

Mulligan, you're out.

Good shootin', Mulligan.

Better luck next year. If there is a next year.

All right, we got three contestants left!

So let's up the ante and let's take it out to 400 yards!

We need to get out of here.

We can't, not yet.

He's still in it?

Oh yeah.

That's our boy.


[muffled cheering and yelling]

Your friends didn't even cover you up.


You didn't turn.

All right, we got three contestants left.

[guns cocking]

Let's up the ante!

Let's take her out 500 yards!

[ice cream truck music playing]

[crowd clapping]

Why are you called Ten Thousand?

It's how many Zs I plan to kill.

How many you got?

Not counting today...

Two thousand one hundred nineteen.

I'll still get more than you today.


Maybe not.

The dude with the coveralls!


[three gunshots]

[crowd cheers]

Sorry! You're gone!

[cheering continues]

Doc: You got this, kid. You got this!

You ready to give up?



If this is your attempt at trying to psych me out, you're failing miserably.

Stay focused.

That gun is mine.



Zombies inside the perimeter!

Okay, listen up everybody. We... we need a few people to go check and clean up some Zs and see what's going on at the perimeter.

Look people, no one's gonna win anything unless we stop these Zs from spoiling our fun!

All right?

Stay here.

You keep shooting.

[munching and growling]



Where the hell they all come from?

[plethora of gunfire]



So you're a zombie now.

That's just perfect.

[snarling continues]

I guess that makes you a liar like everyone else.

No, no, it's okay.

I don't blame you.

If it's anybody's fault, it's mine.

[snarling continues]

I shoulda known better, Charlie.

I shoulda.

[snarling continues]

But you were so...

I used to just watch you back when we started.


[snarling continues]

I know you don't like to talk about this.

But it doesn't make you bad that you like to kill them and it turns you on.

It doesn't.

It's what made me believe in you.

You were such a badass. Oh man.

Not like those blind idiots always dreaming of a life that will never come back.

No, you weren't blind.

You saw it, and you faced it.

So when you told me there was a way, a way to live again, I believed you.

You made me believe you.

[snarling continues]

How could you do that to me?

You gave me...


That I, that we, could have some kind of life. And I...

I loved you for that.

Then it got you killed.

You had hope, and it made you weak.

It made me weak.


[laughing] How could you do that, Charlie?

How could you give me all of that and then take it away?

How could you?



How could you?



How could you?



[electric guitar music plays]

[muffled sounds]

[whispering] Just guessing.

If you don't have a reason to live, you might as well die.

That's all you did.

Cuz you gave me a reason.

And it was a nice one.

A beautiful lie, really.

It won't ever be beautiful like that.

But I'll find a reason to live.

I will.

I give you mercy.


Okay! We're 500 yards out, and we can't go any further!

So best shot wins!

[guns cocking]

This is for all the cookies!

[crowd cheering]

First up!

The judge!



Ladies first.

Screw you. I'm no lady.




[crowd cheering]

Beat that. kay.


[crowd cheering]

Two bullets, one hole.

I'm callin' it a tie.

[crowd grumbling and complaining]

Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen.

We got ourselves a barn burner here.

This thing's going into sudden death overtime!


So come on over and see me and put down your bets before the next round!

All right, people. Place your bets.

Come on. Put them down.


Oh sh1t.

We got a couple of fresh runners.

You first. I'll clean up.








[ice cream truck music playing]


Our driver!

Our driver!

They're getting Side Meat!

[screaming] [growling and munching]

Give the man mercy!


Nice shootin'.

Hey, we've got ourselves a winner!

Nice job, kid.

Now let's get your prize and get the hell out of here.

Good shootin'.

[crowd cheering]

[growling and munching]

To the victor goes the spoils!


Kill in good health, kid. Now get out of dodge.

Closing time!


Go, go, go, go, go, go.










I'm getting low on ammo.

Yeah, me too.


Where are these Zs coming from?

[gunshot] [splorch]

I dunno. But where the hell is my dad?

[snarling and growling]

We can't wait much longer.


There he is.






I'm out.




Two thousand two hundred five.

Nice shooting, kid!

Come on, Brit! We got to go!


Take this.

You deserve it more than I do.

Really. I want you to have it.

Brit. We got to go.

Thank you.


[muffled screaming and gunfire]

Good luck, kid.

[muffled screaming and gunfire]


Where'd you come from?

[western music whistling]





You're looking better.

Who's next?

How much longer are we gonna wait for him?

Not much.

He'll be here.

[muffled gunfire continues]

(10K) Hey!




Hold him steady, kid!

I can't!





[muffled screaming and gunfire]

You know where you're going?

Followin' the sun.

It's what Charlie...

It's what he would do.

I hope we catch up with Mack and Addy.

Yeah, I hope so too.

Citizen Z: Well, people. If we weren't already in an apocalypse, this would be a damn obvious sign. What do you call something worse than an apocalypse? Because this is it. Whatever it is. Swarm, horde, zunami. There's no end in sight. If you're not already west of this thing, you better get moving. There's no getting through it. There's no outrunning it. You got to find some place safe and hide. Good luck, people. And Godspeed.


♪ [rumbling] ♪