01x01 - The Principal

(U.S. national anthem playing)

And so it goes, gentlemen.

For the final time...

Old Glory rises by these hands.

Suffice to say, it has been an honor.


Gamby: It's gonna be okay, sir.

I... I just know that Maria's gonna pull through.

I'm just so sorry to leave both of you in this situation... principal-less just as the school year is picking up steam.

But Maria needs me now.

Russell: Uh, Principal Welles?

I... I don't want to make light of the situation, but for my own knowledge, sir, and if you don't feel comfortable saying, please feel free to decline, but do you know who will be replacing you?

Oh, here come the buzzards. Why don't you just let the man grieve for his dying wife, huh?

Give him that.

Superintendent Haas has yet to make a decision.

Quite frankly, I could give a damn whoever it is.

Just remember one thing, it's all about the students.

It's not about you two.

That's very wise.

I get it. I mean, it might take a little while for it to sink in with this one here, but I hear you loud and clear.

It's a Gamby promise.

Go to hell, Gamby.

Make me go to hell, Lee.



You enough.

Oh, f*ck off.

No, I will not.

f*ck off!

You f*ck yourself off. If you like it so much, you...

You f*ck, f*ck you.

Just say the goddamn pledge!


sh1t fucker.

All: I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.


I'm going to turn around now, knuckleheads.

That was a good pledge, sir.

It was a very good pledge, sir.

(theme music playing)



(cheering continues)


Man on PA: Attention, attention, Mr. Gamby.

Please report to the main lobby.

Attention, attention, Mr. Gamby.

Please report to the main lobby.

Stop it!

Move! Move, move, move, move, move, move!


Students: Ooh!

Okay, that was not smart.

Get to my office. Get out of the f*ckin' hall.

Down there, get up!


What are y'all watching, a cage match?

Get back to class, you savages!

(drumming on desk continues)

Principal Welles' last day at school, and this is the day you all decide to throw down.

It's not very respectful, if you ask me.

Makes me sick just looking at all three of you.

Sick to my stomach.

You see that paddle over there?

That paddle used to belong to my father when he was a principal.

You wanna throw punches in the hallway?

I will pull that paddle down and it will swing.

We were just kidding around. Josh, shut it.

Matthew, what happened?

Ms. Snodgrass: Oh, I can help.

He was being bullied.

He didn't throw a single punch.

Ms. Snodgrass, I know that it's probably a very dramatic thing for a beautiful woman like yourself to witness such barbarianism, but please allow me to conduct the investigation, okay?

Matthew, go head.

Josh is right.

We were just playing around and got carried away.

All right, stonewall me, man.

I can't help you if you don't let me.

Neal! Ga... Ga... Mr. Gamby, excuse me, but obviously these two are pressuring Matthew into not saying anything.

And take it from me, he's a good student.

Yeah, I understand.

Uh, I deal with them on a regular basis, all right?

Now, I get it. You're a new teacher.

You're full of ideals. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

But you're a little out of your jurisdiction, okay?

We got a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to violence in this school.

Doesn't matter who started it.

Everyone gets punished.

Corey L., five days out of school suspension.

You pop me one more time, you son-of-a-bitch, and I will bounce you right the f*ck out of this school.

Get up and get out.

You know, I should slap you across your mouth.

You punch like a woman.

Potter, Josh Props, Five days in-school suspension.

Potter, I don't want to see you in here again.

Do you understand me?

Josh Props, I know I'll see you again, so until next time.

(blows kiss)

Get out of my face right now.

Make me sick.


Mr. Gamby?

Guess we took care of that, huh?

I can't believe you're gonna put something like that on Matthew's record.

Rules are rules.

Yeah, but if a rule is unfair, then maybe it shouldn't be enforced.

Well, you know, that might be the way some vice principals operate, but that's not the way I do.

But I have enjoyed this spirited debate.


That's it?

Unless you got anything else you wanna add, I'mma check my email.

See ya.


North Jackson High School.

♪ ♪

You know what, I think you want the hospital.

What's happening, Dayshawn?

What's the chatter amongst the other workers, huh?

Who you all pulling for in the principal race?

Oh, you know, they, uh, they pulling for you.

But, um...

"But, um", what?

I don't know if you well-liked enough, Mr. Gamby.

You know what I mean?

I mean, people got to like your ass.

Look... Look at Lee Russell over there.

He laughing it up with them teachers.

Now, how come the teachers never invite you to eat lunch?

They do invite me to eat lunch.

They invite me all the time. I just, you know, I choose not to eat lunch with them.

They're just a bunch of elitist assholes.

I mean, I'd much rather spend my time befriending, know, the... the lower class workers.

You know, the guys like you and your crew and Harold in maintenance.

I mean, those teachers, they can come and go.

When you guys call out sick, how do the floors get clean?

You know, how... how do these children eat food?

When we call in sick, the other guys just pick up the slack, man.

It ain't that difficult to move these trays around.

No, Dayshawn, look, what you do is very important here, okay?

And when I become principal, I'm gonna make sure you finally get the respect you're due.

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.

You're gonna get us a raise?

No, no, it's not gonna be a raise.

I... I'm just gonna make sure that, you know, people don't look down upon you like they do now.

I didn't know anybody was looking down on me, but...

No, well, not everyone. I mean, I'm not.

But you know how students look at you guys, just like, "I would never want to do that job."

But I'm gonna change that image for you guys.

Yeah, but if you could line up that raise...

Not gonna be a raise, Dayshawn.

Don't ask again.

Well, I'm just saying if you can get me that money, a brother could use it.


Pants up.

If you can get me some more of that money...

Jeremiah, pants up, grades up!

Like I was saying...


(piano playing)

This song is dedicated to Principal Welles.

You're a true hero.

♪ Oh ♪
♪ It must have been cold there in my shadow ♪

♪ ♪

♪ To never have ♪

(Mrs. Welles coughing)

♪ Sunlight on your face ♪


(slurps loudly)

♪ You were content to let ♪
♪ Me shine ♪
♪ That's your way ♪
♪ You always walked a step behind ♪

(students snickering)

♪ Did you ever know ♪ (both snickering)

♪ That you're my hero? ♪



No. No. No.

♪ You're everything ♪

(piano stops)

You two, I wanna know what's so damn funny in my office after the assembly. Do you hear me?

What is it? Is it her voice that's funny?

Or maybe it's Ms. Welles dying.

You think that's funny.

It's not funny.

It's a beautiful moment and you've ruined it.

You ruined it.

(microphone feedback)

Laugh one more time.

Laugh again.

Put your hand down now.

Get it away from your mouth now.

(piano plays)

♪ It might have appeared to go unnoticed ♪

♪ ♪


Woman on PA: Mr. Sepanik, please come to the front office.

Thank you.

(chuckles) What's so funny in here?

You guys makin' jokes?

No having fun at work.



♪ No! ♪
♪ No mercy! ♪

Now, that's... f*cking cocksucker.

Why, hello, Mr. Gamby.

Uh, you remember Donna from the school board.

Of course I do. Hello, Donna.

It's good to see you.

I was just leaving.

I'll see you tomorrow, Lee.

Call me later if you wanna have drinks.

You ambitious little weasel.

Sittin' in here kissing the school board's ass.

That's pretty f*cking pathetic, don't you think?

And I saw your little f*cking sign.

What sign?

Don't motherfucking play games with me.

Listen here, you. Come tomorrow, there's a brand new principal in town, and his name is Neal Gamby.

And those who want to be catty little bitches, well, they can kiss their f*cking jobs goodbye.

That is a Gamby promise.

You're so confident, aren't you, Gamby?

Too bad the school board's still undecided.

(scoffs) No, they're not.

They know exactly who is gonna be the principal.

Why is this job so important to you, Gamby?

Is it 'cause you got absolutely dick-all else going on in your life?

You wish you had my life.

A f*cking divorced loser is what you are.

Look at you, just rock hard at the thought of all that power.

I know you like to think about my dick, but don't.

It's private property.

Eat sh1t, Gamby!

No thank you, but have fun imagining it though.

(glass clatters)



Make one more f*cking sign and see what happens.

(door opens)

Go Janelle!

Gale: Whoo! Yes!

Ray: There you go.

Nice work, baby.

There you go. Right there.

Nice work.

Right there.

Right there.

I know. She's gotta keep the heels down though.

Hello, Gale, Ray.

You're late.

Janelle just had a really good run. You missed it.

Actually, I saw it when I was walking up. Worry about yourself.

Hey, Janelle!

Good job, baby! Good job!


Keep your heels down, babes.

Keep your heels however you want, Janelle.

Focus on yourself, not on negative people trying to get in your life, tell you how to do things.



So I got the principal job today.

(sarcastically) Cool.

(in same tone) Cool.

My success enrages you.

I actually don't care at all.

Oh, you don't care? Sure, you don't care.

Course you care.

No, you're right, Neal.

I'm always thinking about you.

You're right. I forgot it's all about you.

Well, actually, it's not about me because my mentor's wife was diagnosed with melanoma.

So, how silly do you sound now?

Oh, sorry to hear about that, Gamby.

That's awesome about the principal job.

You've been working really hard, man.

I knew good things were gonna happen to you.

Congrats, buddy.

Ray, nobody asked you to chime in.

And it's not even official yet, so don't go, like, running your mouth all over town like you always do, being a little gossip, a little hen.

I'm just impressed.

Must be tough wrangling all them kids.

I don't know how you do it, man.

Of course you don't understand how I do it.

I bet if I told you I just stole a man's wife and family, you'd understand how to do that, huh?

Why don't you go sit somewhere else, Neal?


(indistinct chatter)

(Janelle giggles)

Chilling with the older guy, definitely.

Yeah? What high school do you go to?

I'm only 13!



Hey, Dad.

Where does your shirt go?

I took it off. It was all sweaty.

Put it on.

But Dad, it's nasty.

Put it on.

Okay, okay.

Put it on.

Got it!

Get it on. Put it on.

Put it on. Get it on. Get it... get it on.

Dad, I got it!

Move! Get out of here!

Get it on. Push it on.


Get it on.

Don't! Gosh, Dad! I got it!

Look. I'm not trying to yell. I just, I know, you've been spending a lot of time with your mom, and that's the kind of example she sets.

But you... you can't go around being fast with the boys.

That's not how a lady acts.

All right, Dad.

Got some good news.

You're looking at the brand new principal of North Jackson High.

No way. So, that means when I get to high school, I can do whatever I want and never get in trouble?

Oh, well, that's what you'd think, but no.

Because people expect that, I'll have to go in the opposite direction, be merciless to you.

All right, Janelle, come on, honey. Let's go.

Fazoli's is gonna close.

Ray, I'm talking to my daughter, not your daughter 'cause she's never gonna be your daughter.

Okay, well, wrap it up, Neal.

Not married anymore, so you can't tell me what to do.

My dad, a principal.

It's pretty awesome.

It is pretty awesome.

Come here.

I love you.

I love you too, Daddy.


Gale: Come on, baby!

My little girl.

See ya, Neal.

f*ck off, Ray.

Whatever you want.

Janelle: Cool.

(car engine starts)

♪ ♪

(alarm chimes)


Neal Gamby, this is Sterling Credit, a debt collector.

Please return our call as quickly as possible.

Thank you.


Mr. Gamby, this is Superintendent Haas.

Just wanted to inform you a decision has been made, and we would love to sit down and talk with you first thing tomorrow morning.

Hope you're having a wonderful evening.

God bless now.


God, yes!



f*ck yeah!

(claps) Damn yes!




(brakes screech)

♪ ♪


Yes, this is Principal Neal Gamby.

Get your fat ass out of that chair.

Russell, do not try to ruin this moment for me.

First thing I'm gonna do when I become principal is fire you.

You're gonna lose everything.

Your house, your car, your couch, anything else you got on layaway.

You know, the first thing I'm gonna do when I become principal is not fire you, but keep you on staff as my slave.

I'm gonna take my dick and slap it across your face.

Shut your mouth, you sassy-ass m*therf*cker.

Excuse me, Superintendent Haas is here.

Thank you, Mrs. Libby.


Hello, Mr. Gamby.

Mr. Haas.

Good to see ya.

Mr. Russell.

Good to see you, Jeremy.

Sad news about Welles' wife.

So sad.

Gotta use your sun protection.

Yes, you do.


Hell, my wife makes me use a strong SPF even if I plan on being inside all day.

So smart. Your wife rules.


Yeah, she's good.

But we can't just dwell on the past.

You know, we gotta think about the future.

Talk about what's to come. That's right.

(sighs) I'm sure we all know that Mr. Welles left some large shoes to fill.

So big.

But I think we would up with the right person.


Someone with a lot of experience.

Gotta have experience. Most important part.

And someone who's very likable.

It's essential to be likable.


That's why...

Woman: Knock, knock.

(chuckles) Here she is!

Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dr. Belinda Brown, the new principal at North Jackson!

(chuckles) I am so sorry that I'm late.

There's a car parked in the principal's space.


Dr. Brown was principal of several very high achieving schools in Philadelphia.

Oh, look at you being so nice.

And who's this sitting in my chair, keeping it warm for me like a gentleman?

Excuse me.

♪ ♪

(dumpster clangs)


♪ ♪

(engine starts)

(brakes screech)

Dr. Brown: My, this campus is just lovely.

Isn't it though?


Now, North Jackson's not the newest school Mm-hmm. in the district, but it is to me hands down the most charming.

Even more charming now that you're here, Dr. Brown.



Why thank you, Mr. Russell.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

I see a bright future for you here, darling.


f*ck you, Russell.

Excuse me, Mr. Gamby?


Just saying this is the hallway up here.

You feeling all right, Mr. Gamby?

You look a little pale.

Oh, it must be me.

I tend to have this effect on men, leave them breathless.

Well, I know I can't breathe.

(both laugh)


(overlapping chatter)


Who here thinks that Belinda Brown needs to take her big ol' butt back to Philadelphia?

Whoa, what's the big issue with Dr. Brown?

Well, she's gonna run this school into the ground. That's the issue.

She got her Masters from Berkeley.

Yeah, I bet she went to Berkeley, and I'm pretty affirmative about how she got in.

Woman 1: Whoa!

Woman 2: That's kind of harsh.

Here's what I'm proposing.

I'm gonna file a formal complaint with the school board.

A complaint? What's it gonna say?

Gonna say they f*cked up. They chose the wrong person.

Maybe they need to reconsider things.

Maybe make me principal.

But what I'm gonna need for this to work is all of you guys to sign this complaint with me so they know we mean business.

(teachers snickering)

No, I'm not putting my name on that.

Not a chance.

Not a chance.

"Not a chance. Not a chance."

Y'all never backed me up before.

I don't know why I thought this time would be any different.

Why don't you shut the f*ck up?

Nobody here wants to listen to your misguided bullshit.

If it isn't the snake in the shadows.

Russell, buzz the f*ck off.

This has nothing to do with you.

Gamby, I think I speak for everyone here when I say you're a jerk-off and no one wants to sign your stupid letter.

Stupid letter?


You know, I'm getting pretty sick and tired of that know-it-all mouth of yours, Russell.

Oh, well then... (stomps) make your move, m*therf*cker.

Make your move, m*therf*cker, but you better have a gun, Mister.

I don't need a gun.

Oh, you don't need a gun?

But if I did need a gun, I could get a better gun than you.

Teacher: Guys! Come on!

Russell: Bruce!


All right, all right! Hey, hey! I said knock it off!

Settle down!

Bruce! Bruce!

All right, all right, all right!

Teacher: Everybody settle down!

Settle down!

No need to get violent.

No violence.

Gamby: Y'all heard it.

He talked about bringing a gun to school.

Oh, you look so stupid right now.

I don't need any of y'all!

I'll take care of this sh1t myself.

(door opens)

(alarm chimes)

Both: Surprise!

Ah, sh1t!


Goddamn it, Ray!

You broke my computer!

You don't like the surprise?

I don't even know what this is.

What are you doing here?

Janelle wanted to celebrate your big promotion, man.

Why are you a part of this?

Bug here needed a ride and Gale, she... she didn't want any part of it.

I should've known you were behind this.

I hate that you're about to see me like this, but I don't have the strength to fight you anymore, Ray.

(sniffles) Damn it.

Is this what you wanted?

I didn't get the job.

They gave it to somebody else.

Oh, Neal, I hate that for you, man.

Why didn't they choose you?

Well, baby, when you're the person enforcing the laws, you don't get to make a lot of friends.

Not a lot of people like me.

People like you.

No, I know it's hard to believe, but they don't.

I just expect a lot out of people, and for whatever reason, it pushes them away.

God knows it did your mom.

Hey, Gale's...

She got a shit-ton of respect for you, Neal.

I'm not trying to get back my ex-wife, Ray.

And please stop calling me Neal.

Well... can't you get them to change their mind?

I tried.

I tried to rally the teachers and get them to support me, but like I said, nobody likes me.

Who cares about the teachers?

The students like you.

Don't they?

The students.

Ray: See?

They like you, right?

No, they don't.

You're completely wrong.

But it doesn't matter.

Because they fear me.

And that's even better.

My bad.

It is your bad.

(indistinct conversation)

(brakes screech)

Matthew Potter!

What's shakin'?

Just waitin' on the bus.

I'm your bus today.

Get in.

So how's I.S.S. been treatin' you?

So far so good.

So far so good? (Chuckles)

You know what happens to smart kids like you in I.S.S.?

You get turned the f*ck out.

You know what "turned out" means?

No... no, sir.

It's when a straight dude rolls in to prison and gets his ass f*cked, then becomes a girl.

Well, that hasn't happened yet.

Yet? You've still got a few more days in there.

Plenty of time for that sh1t to go down.

Big boys will come in, push a little boy like you down, maybe stick a textbook in your mouth and go to f*cking town.

You want that to happen to you?


Yeah, I didn't think so.

What would you say, Matthew, if I could get you out of I.S.S. today?

Get the whole goddamn thing wiped from your record?

You're a good kid. You don't want something like that following you around when it comes time to apply for college.

I can set you free. Would you like that?

Well, yeah, but why?

I want you to organize a mass-student walkout.

Arrange all your goddamn classmates to get out of the school at the same exact time and protest at how much you hate the new principal.

Walkout? Like, leave school?


All-school walkout today.

Every motherfucking student in school at 2:03 PM.

Are we clear?



That's what I want to hear.

(school bell chimes)


Oh! Uh...


Mr. Gamby, hey.

You, uh, feeding your fishes?

Sure am.

What kind are they? Gold?


I just wanted to, uh, drop by and give you a little bit of an update.

Matthew Potter's a good kid, and, uh, you were right, he doesn't deserve to have the book thrown at him.

So, I've immediately released him from I.S.S.


That's a big turnaround for you.

What happened to the "rules are rules" thing?

Well, I never really said it like that, but...

You did.


No, I didn't, but rules are rules.

I still believe that, but also fairness is fairness.

You understand what I'm saying here.

Look, I... I know things have been crazy, you know, with all the recent changes.

I'm sure that's why you were popping off to me.

But, uh, I just wanted to let you know that you shouldn't give up hope just yet.

There's still some adults left here at North Jackson High.

Oh, that's... that's... that's good to hear.


You're strong. I like that.

The tides are turning, Ms. Snodgrass.

Good guys, they're about to win.

Gamby: Look at Lee Russell.

That little sassy cuss.

f*ck you.


Don't matter. Let them have their fun.

Sounds like you up to something to me, Mr. Gamby.

Let's just say all will be revealed in due time.

The revolution will not be televised.

Oh, no. It's just gonna happen regular in front of everybody at approximately 2:03 PM today.

What you mean? Like a school shooting or something?

No, Dayshawn, not like a school shooting.

Don't be scaring these children.

I'm talking about a non-violent, hearts and mind campaign.

Okay. That sounds dope.

Oh, yeah, it's definitely gonna be dope.

Super dope.

You're not gonna kill everybody, right?

No, Dayshawn. I told you, I'm not gonna murder anybody.

Oh, we're so happy to have you here!

Oh, thank you! Ooh!

Not yet.

So I'm gonna need your help planning my first faculty meeting.

I want the opportunity to show myself, but also have some fun.

Russell: Oh. Um...


Light bulb! Ice cream social!

Let them know how sweet you are!

Oh, Russell, you don't quit, do you?

(both laugh)

♪ ♪




(ticking continues)


Dr. Brown: Mr. Gamby, what's your favorite ice cream?

Say who hey?


What is your favorite ice cream?

I... I hate ice cream.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Makes me do diarrhea in my pants.

Can you excuse me for one second please?

Did I hear ice cream?



Teacher: Logarithmic functions.

I know that sounds complicated, but I'm gonna break it down for you, and it's really not all that bad.

Okay, so if you have...

What the f*ck is going on? It's 2:08 PM.

Where is my walkout?

I... I know. I tried.

(in whiny voice) I tried, I tried.

Couldn't talk any of your friends into leaving school?

Kids f*cking hate school!

Nobody would do it!

I tried, I promise.

Get your sh1t. You're going back to I.S.S.

Our deal, it's done.

And I'm gonna find the biggest, nastiest buck I can to come in there and drill you right in your asshole!

Damn it!

Look. Speak of the devil.

Gamby: Are we done here?

Well, actually, I'd love to speak with you a moment.

Have a seat.

Uh, closed, right?

Yes, Lee. Thank you.


Mr. Gamby, it appears that someone has filed a complaint against me with the school board.

Hm. That's interesting.

Is there anything you'd like to get off your chest, Mr. Gamby?

I mean, nothing really comes to the mind.

Well, this complaint says, and I quote "She's not very smart, and if she's in charge, this school will suffer in a horrible way. Dr. Brown only cares about herself. She really thinks she's something."


Now, who would write such a thing?

I don't know. I'm not sure.

Does it say who wrote it?

Why, yes, it does.

Okay, fine. I'll admit it.

I wrote the complaint against you.

Mr. Gamby, I've been doing his for some time now.

Whenever a new principal shows up at a school, you can guarantee that people feel like they've been passed over, and often times, they resent the new principal.

I can live with people resenting me.

That's fine.

But from now on, you're going to be very cooperative and very pleasant when dealing with me because if you're not cooperative, Mr. Gamby, and if you're not pleasant, I will drag your face all up and down the parking lot of this m*therf*cker.

Now, do we understand each other, Mr. Gamby?

Yes, Dr. Brown.


Now, I would like for you to come in two hours earlier every morning.

I want you to jump in on the morning Driver's Ed program.

That means I gotta be here at 5:10 AM.

Is that a problem, Mr. Gamby?

No, it's not a problem.

Well, if that's all, you're dismissed.

Have a blessed day.

You have a... blessed day too.


Thank you.

Leave it open.

Say who?


The door?

Leave it.

Thank ya.

(hisses) m*therf*cker.

♪ ♪

Belinda's got you by the balls.

Driver's Ed. Tough break.

Yeah, well, at least I'm not bending over and taking it up the ass with a smile like you are. Over.

You have no f*cking clue.

While you've been throwing your little tantrums, filing your complaints, I've been learning her weaknesses.

And when the time's right, I'm gonna stab that bitch in her big, fat back.

I thought you loved Dr. Brown.


She doesn't deserve to sit behind that desk.

That should've been me.

And if not me, then maybe you.

You need to flip your sh1t around.

Me, then you.

Whatever, Gamby.

Just not her.

f*ck her.

f*ck her.

Now, she's my enemy, and she's your enemy, and my enemy's enemy...

Is my friend.

Shall we align... friend?

Let's take that bitch down.

♪ Hey, hey, take it away! ♪
♪ Get that ball and fight! ♪
♪ So be true to your school now ♪
♪ Just like you would to your girl ♪
♪ Or guy ♪
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ And let your colors fly ♪
♪ Be true to your school ♪
♪ I got a letterman's sweater ♪
♪ With a letter in front ♪
♪ I got for football and track ♪
♪ I'm proud to wear it now ♪
♪ When I cruise around ♪
♪ The other parts of the town ♪
♪ I got my decal in back ♪
♪ So be true to your school now ♪
♪ Just like you would to your girl or guy ♪
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ And let your colors fly ♪
♪ Be true to your school ♪
♪ Do it again! Do it again! ♪
♪ We like it! We like it! ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Be true to your school ♪
♪ Push 'em back! ♪
♪ Push 'em back! ♪
♪ Way back! ♪
♪ Rah, rah, rah, rah ♪
♪ Sis, boom, bah ♪
♪ Rah, rah, rah, rah ♪
♪ Sis, boom, bah ♪