01x06 - Rising

[bunniefuu]

TICK: Superheroes are people, too.

We put our supersuits
on one leg at a time.

We look both ways before
taking a mighty leap.

If you prick us, some of us even bleed.

GENERAL McGINNIS: Jesus
Jumped-Up Christ.

TICK: Like regular folk,
heroes need friends.

Some of us may have
sidekicks, or teammates,

or intelligent watercraft.

But when the chips hit the fan,

we all make decisions alone

in the solitudinary fortress
of our head-noodle.

It's these lonesome choices

that mark the difference between a hero

and an average cup of joe.

Afternoon, General.

Your Very Large Man is getting closer

to civilization every day.

- He has a name, General.
- Huh.

Clifford Richter.

Any chance you could get Cliff

to stop walking before things escalate?

The only escalation I see happening is

your people pulling up stakes and
moving back a hundred miles.

We established a perimeter
here for a reason.

If he moves past...

I get it. You've drawn
your line in the sand.

That man out there is a civilian,

and I'll do everything in
my power to protect him.

If you fire on him, you fire on me.

And that doesn't end well for one of us.

Excuse me.

Got an interview with
ESHPN in ten minutes

and a teleconference with
the brass at AEGIS in .

I could reschedule if you're
gonna bite their heads off, too.

I'll apologize to the general later.

I'm not feeling quite myself today.

[EXHALES]

Since when do you get headaches?

Since never. [GROANS]

[GROANS]

Oh, that tastes like cancer.

- Oh.
- [EXHALES]

Mmm. Pumpkin spice. How do you do that?

DANGERBOAT: Guys, looks
like your prisoner

is waking up.

OVERKILL: Good. Time to bring the pain.

Your friend here is made
entirely of mind snakes.

We need to go now.

Tick, are you kidding me? That's...

We're making progress for
the first time ever.

I mean, look at this place.

Well, I am state-of-the-art.

Overkill wants to make a m*rder salad

- out of your hero's journey.
- Oh, come on.

He doesn't want to
make a "m*rder salad."

RAMSES IV: Help! He's k*lling me!

[PANTING]: Please, please,
please, oh, please.

Please don't let him hurt me.

Okay, fine.

You want to play ball, Ramses?

I'll promise that no
one hurts you, okay?

Aah! That hurt.

Dirty pool.

Hey, hey, hey! What did
you just do to him?

RAMSES IV: Oh, my God.

I've got meningitis
now, I-I can feel it.

Relax. I just gave you a sh*t
of sodium Amber Thiessen.

You're gonna tell us where The
Terror is now, aren't you, egg?

I will tell you anything you
want, just-just don't get up...

Well, we've got the Hot
Dish Cook-Off coming up,

and that is a countywide competition,

so of course, Mother's a little nervous.

Jiminy Christmas.

He's pumped that little
shaver full of crazy juice.

Are you on any prescription dr*gs?

Lipitor? Prozac?

- Viagra?
- Uh...

There might be some counter-indications.

DANGERBOAT: Should I call ?

He's fine.

He should be fine.

Whoa! Secret face.

Don't talk about my face.

Okay. Ramses. Ramses? Hey.

Listen here, okay? Look at me.

Where is The Terror?

In your heart. It's in
the heart of every man.

Not terror, The Terror.

Oh, The Terror.

Yeah, sure.

He's holed up under the Sacred Mother

of Infinite Misery Church.

- Sacred Mother of Infinite Misery...
- DANGERBOAT: Got it.

Yep. He's dug in real good.

Oh, my God.

We got him.

You d*ed.

I saw it. I...

Superian hammered your
spider-t*nk into the ground.

Trickery.

You exploded.

Wasn't there.

I... They found your teeth.

Always been handy with the pliers.

I needed elbow room, Janet.

I needed Superian to believe...
I was dead.

You needed to make me believe it, too?

You were my right hand, Janet.

Everyone knew it.

You out there mourning my death...

[EXHALES] ...really sold
the message, you know?

Made it real.

It was real.

To me, it was real.

And those suckers just ate it right up!

Ha!

Anything to drink in this dump?

OVERKILL: Sacred Mother
of Infinite Misery Church

is sitting on a massive maze of
catacombs and sewer tunnels.

It's a perfect hiding place
for The Terror's stronghold.

I can't believe, after all these
years, that I finally found him.

He's in there, all right.

We need to do some on-site recon

before we set up an att*ck.

- What kind of att*ck?
- Wait, wait, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
We're not going in there.

We can do this.

You, me, big blue freak.

We have the sh*t to take The Terror out.

You have zero exit
strategy; It's su1c1de.

Revenge needs no exit strategy.

No... we need no exit strategy, okay?

Because what we're gonna do is
just blow the whistle on him.

Okay? That plan has a hundred
percent chance of success,

zero percent chance of death.

We're taking Ramses to AEGIS.

- AEGIS?
- Yeah.

Those stapler-fondling bureaucrats?

- Yeah.
- They'll drown you in red tape.

They'll file your file

under "where the f*ck
is that f*cking file?"

You're not even a super,
they won't listen to you.

Well, I have Ramses.

Huh?

And Ramses is proof that
The Terror is still alive.

They can't ignore me this time.

Kid, this is your moment.

You need to spill The Terror's blood.

What Arthur needs is justice.

No, what I need is to
go tell them, okay?

I am not done with him.

Listen here, GunSkull- ,
this is not your case.

This is my case, okay?

I'm the one who did all the research,

I'm the one who figured
it out, and I'm the one

who needs to take Ramses to AEGIS.

- So let him go.
- No.

Tick?

I think that's my cue

to get you to mind your
Ps and carrots, mister.

Get up.

Come on.

You'll be back.

Oh, I very much doubt that.

- Don't touch that.
- Already did.

[GASPS]

Almond milk? Huh.

All this time, you've been alive

and hiding and, what, laughing at me?

Hmm. This is repulsive.

You drink this?

- No.
- Look.

You think you're mad at me.

But you're just mad at yourself.

You should've known I
was too smart to die.

You should've read the
signs, had a little faith.

So, now you're kicking your butt

'cause all this time I've been
waiting for you to come find me.

- Right.
- Of course I was.

I've been watching you.

- I have.
- Really?

Hey, Janet, did you, uh,

leave out my almond...?

Oh, my God.

[WHIMPERS]

Is that Derek?

He's my ex-husband.

TERROR: I.T. Derek?

The Derek that set up the Wi-Fi

in my old lair Derek?

- You k*lled him.
- Did I?

No, that's just the platypus venom.

He'll seizure it off in
about an hour. -Hmm.

Look, he's foaming. That's a good sign.

You married Derek?

I was not in a good place.

It was, it was after you and... hmm.

I thought you were
following my every move.

I tried... at first.

Ah, you got so boring
so fast, I don't know.

DOT: Mom?

Upstairs, honey.

- What is all this?
- You know, I don't know.

I-I thought maybe one of the
guests had too many mimosas

and trashed the place,

but I didn't think it was
that kind of a party.

Dottie, are you all right?

You look not great.

You smell like firecrackers.

It's g*n smoke.

TICK: Look, no one's happier than me

that Overkill is out
of the picture, chum,

but... we can't just hand off
the quest to someone else.

Look, Tick, the government created AEGIS

to deal with problems exactly
like The Terror, okay?

But that's what we were created for.

Arthur, your moment is approaching.

Listen to the fibers of your being.

ARTHUR: Sorry, Tick, we're
gonna stick to my plan.

[DIALING]

You'll see when you get
inside the place, Tick.

State-of-the-art technology,

dozens of qualified agents
who actually know what...

What's going on?

Hello, and thank you for visiting AEGIS.

This office is no longer in operation.

You can reach us on the
Web at http://www.aegisgov.org

or at - - -AEGIS.

Thank you and have a super day.

Thank you.

They're closed?

Well, of course it is.

There are no superheroes in town.

You got no heroes,
eventually you got no AEGIS.

It's been too long, Lint.

years.

You can serve now.

- What have you been doing?
- This and that.

Remember how I used to say

I always wanted to learn
how to play the drums?

Did that.

Launched a line of bath
salts, two new Menudos.

Oh! And I've been k*lling the bees.

d*ck move.

Right?

But mostly,

I've taken the time to sit back

and really focus on the old magnum opus.

You know. The one thing in the
world I've always wanted.

- The big one!
- No.

But you said it was impossible.
You said so yourself.

But what if I told you I finally
figured out a way to do it?

The super-villain Holy Grail.

The best worst thing ever.

- Hmm.
- How?

Well, you know how I am.

It comes to me in bits and pieces,

like a tune.

I got the b*at. I got the bass line.

I've just been waiting for the melody.

Is this that music-of-the-spheres crap

- that you love to talk about?
- Bingo.

And you think that you can
just waltz back in here

and I'll play whatever little
part you want me to play?

Oh, I don't know, Lint.

You think you're ready?

You don't look ready.

Frankly, you look like sh*t.

[GASPS]

God, I've been waiting my entire life

for this exact moment
and now I have nothing.

Destiny wants you to capture The Terror

with your own two clever, little mitts.

Please, not with this again, okay?

- [HELMET BEEPING]
- Aah, God.

You all right?

I think I'm getting a call.

- Phone call on the headphone.
- Hello?

If you're not getting out of
this thing, I'm coming in.

- What?
- I'm in.

I'm helping.

What did you and Paloma
do to Mom's house?

Look, she was just trying to k*ll me.

It... Dot.

It doesn't matter, okay?

There is nothing you could
possibly do to help us.

You don't know that.

I have ways of finding things out.

- Connections.
- Connections?

Is this gonna be a long call?

- Could I sit?
- Sure.

Hi, Dot!

Dot, I am not letting you

get involved in this craziness.

Okay? Please.

You could get hurt and I
cannot let that happen to you.

Yeah, Arthur, I know how you feel.

Dot? Dot?

So, she's in on the case? Great!

No, Tick, this is a disaster.

Come on, man. This is the first minute

of the rest of your life.

Where's Ramses?

[GRUNTS]

Impolite!

TERROR: Look at you.

You used to be bigger than life.

A legend.

What happened?

You d*ed, okay?

Did your brain?

Hmm? 'Cause that's the only explanation

for how you got stuck in this rut.

I wanted you to believe
I was dead for a while.

And I needed Ramses to be the
front for crime in this town.

But I always figured you'd fry his ass

in that stupid throne of his

and then we'd talk.

- TICK: Arthur!
- [COUGHS]

You okay?

[COUGHING]: Yeah. I'm okay.

I nailed the bastard, boss.

- He won't go down.
- [SIGHS]

Give me that thing.

We'll hit him where it hurts.

In the civilians.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

Tick, the bus!

Let's go!

Move!

Fear not, citizens! The Tick is here!

And I got a bus to catch!

Everyone, come on out.

[GRUNTS]

Okay. Come on, everybody.

Off the bus. Let's hurry.

[GRUNTS]

[WOMAN SOBBING, MAN GRUNTING]

ARTHUR: Everybody.

[GRUNTS]

Aah!

[GASPING]

Curse your lack of structural integrity.

[GASPING]

Oh.

[PANTING]

- Okay, come on.
- Aah!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Aah...

MAN: Thank you.

[MAN GRUNTS]

Arthur, jump in!

- Help them!
- [GRUNTS]

You want me to get on the bus?

Sooner would be better, yes!

[GASPING]

Hey there.

Come on, man.

Get off the bus, okay?

- [BUS CREAKING]
- Come on.

You're okay.

You're okay, you're okay.
Here you go, buddy.

Okay.

- [GLASS SHATTERS]
- Are you saying

all I had to do to get
to you was k*ll Ramses?

I'm saying the Lint I
knew would have shoved

his Humpty Dumpty butt
right off that wall

in the first year.

Do you think I like running a crew

for that cat-worshipping f*ck?!

Holy hell, woman, you're evil incarnate.

Start acting like it!

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[CREAKING]

Okay.

Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am.

We have to get off the bus, okay?

There you go. Oh, boy.

Here we go. Here we go.

Okay. You'll be okay.

Okay, you're okay. You're okay.

You're okay. I'm okay.

There we go.

Tick, that's the last of them.

Citizens, look out below!

Letting go of bus in three,

- two...
- Wait! Wait, my baby!

He's in the bus!

♪ ♪

[BEEPS, BLIPS]

TICK: Arthur, hurry.

Hello?

Baby?

Whoa. Whoa!

Arthur! Time running out.

- I got him.
- Whoa.

Oh, oh.

- [EXCLAIMS]
- [BUS CRASHES]

Arthur.

My baby! Thank you.

[CRYING]: Thank you!

My baby!

ARTHUR [STRUGGLING]: Tick, I'm okay.

Okay, Tick, that's fine. I'm okay.

[DOG BARKS]

My beautiful baby boy.

What a beautiful child.

Pretty sure that's a dog, Tick.

Right.

MAN: They saved the dog!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[TICK CHUCKLES]

NEWS ANCHOR [ON TV]:
This was the scene today

of an expl*si*n that rocked
the Baxter Township Overpass.

Eyewitnesses filmed
this remarkable video

of a pair of superheroes
who came to the rescue

of a busload of hapless passengers.

Yes, that's right, folks,
The City is once again

home to superheroes.

According to bystanders, the
heroes call themselves.

The Tick and... Arthur?

♪ What's the difference between ♪

♪ Night and day besides the people ♪

♪ That come and the people who stay ♪

♪ The feeling of love ♪

- ♪ And the feeling of hate ♪
- [DOOR CLOSES]

♪ The big light in the sky ♪

♪ And the darkness of age ♪

- ♪ So you'll see the lights ♪
- [CAR HORN HONKING]

WOMAN: I love you guys!

♪ And you'll hear the parade ♪

♪ So go join their call ♪

- ♪ Indulge in their praise ♪
- Hey.

Ah.

♪ Do it 'cause you love it all ♪

♪ Do it 'cause you love this city ♪

♪ 'Cause you love it all ♪

♪ Do it 'cause you love this city ♪

♪ 'Cause you love it all ♪

♪ Do it 'cause you love this city... ♪

[SCREAMS]

♪ You really must love it all ♪

♪ Do it 'cause you love this city. ♪

NEWS ANCHOR: New superheroes
The Tick and Arthur avoided...

- Thank you, Tick.
- You're welcome.

ANCHOR: Arthur, the Tick's associate,

went back inside and
saved the woman's dog.

TICK: All right.

We're not sure of the
breed of the dog...

- Goat.
- Hello.

Tinfoil.

Tuwo shinkafa.

[TICK LAUGHS]

Thank you, Ouma.

You saved the dog.

Yeah, I-I saved the dog.

Oh, hey, Kevin.

Mm-hmm.

- [HELMET RINGING]
- Um...

Hey, Arthur. Tupac Latifah?

Okay, I'm-I'm getting a call right now,

so I just... can I...

I need to take this. Thank you.

Wait, sorry. Hello?

- Tactics, you unbelievable assh*le.
- Overkill?

I saw you fluttering around on my TV.

Are you trying to get yourself
hung on a mob meat hook?

You called to yell at me.

Yes.

Also, the Urmanian video on your suit.

Dangerboat screwed up the translation.

- I fixed it.
- I fixed it!

What did we get wrong?

The suit is part of a weapons system,

but it wasn't designed to
fight a foreign element.

It was designed to fight
an alien element.

It's a w*apon against aliens?

You know any?

'Cause I can only think of one.

Superian. He's from outer space.

The Terror is trying to k*ll Superian.

We have to do something...

- Arthur?
- [CAR DOOR SLAMS, TIRES SCREECH]

Arthur?

Hey, assh*le, I'm talking to you.

Oh, he hung up on you?

N... He didn't hang up on me.

Arthur? Where are you, chum?

Arthur's glove. This is a sign.

And I'm pretty sure it's a bad one.

Arthur? Arthur!

Arthur...!

[ARTHUR BREATHING RAPIDLY]

[GASPS]

[CHAIR RATTLES]

Oh, God, oh, God.

Ramses?

Hey, you... you don't have
to do this, you know?

I'm the one who kept you from
getting tortured, remember?

So why don't we just,
uh, discuss this...

like adults?

TERROR: Alexa, play ominous music.

ALEXA: Shuffling a playlist
for ominous music.

[SCARY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, my God.

Cliff-hanger!

[ARTHUR SCREAMS]