01x16 - O-S-- OSCAR P-A-- PARTY

Ooh, I know where they are!

Oh, no, I know where they are!

Over there, there, there!

Did you look in the dryer?

[Stammers] How is this all one load?

Not the time... Keep looking.

[Clatter]

Why would they be in here?

[Grunting]

[Door opens, closes]

He's here.

[Sighs]

He's here.

What did she lose?

I didn't ask. I just like throwing stuff.

My keys.

Let's do this.

♪ ♪

Ha! The purse?

Maya.

♪ ♪

Shh! Look! She's getting something.

[Light switch clicks]

I already checked in here, darling...

The floor, the cabinets.

He did it again.

You beautiful b*st*rd.

[British accent] Cheers, love.

[Laughter]

All right, ding, ding, ding.

Let's call this meeting of our special-needs mum support group to "disorder."

[Laughter]

Right?

'Cause all the kids have disorders.

So, tonight, we have another mum joining us... Becca.

She just moved here.

She's coming, actually, at really good time, because Sunday is my annual Oscar potluck.

Carly, who will you be wearing?

Sweatpants.

Same as Hillary.

Who will wear it better?

[Doorbell rings]

[Gasps] She's here.

All right, ladies.

I want you to remember how you felt and looked the first time you came here.

So no gasping, and sympathetic faces.

Who are you?

Um, I'm... I'm here for the support group.

No.

Yep.

No, uh, are you... Are you sure?

No stains. Where are her stains?

Okay, then. Hi. I'm Becca.

Yes, hi. Hello.

Hi.

Becca. Hi.

[Door closes]

Well, this is for our hostess.

Oh, God, you didn't have to buy me anything.

I didn't. I made it.

Even the box is beautiful.

Made that, too. It was...

You made a box?

Mm-hmm.

You do know this is a special-needs moms' group, right?

[Laughing] Oh, yes, of course.

But we all know our life doesn't have to become one b mess just because we have a kid with a disability, right?

[Laughter]

Oh, my God, she's serious.

How's the pre-party clean-up going?

Amazing!

We just looked under this tarp.

Guess what that girl-repelling eyesore is covering?

Nothing!

Serves no purpose.

Wind must have blown it up here, and it stayed.

It's the most useless thing in this house that isn't me.

Great.

[Grunts]

This better?

[Door opens]

Aww.

JJ's doing his traditional pre-party furniture rearrangement.

Well, how about I use the laser pointer, and you push the heavy furniture around?

[Horn honks]

Jimmy, your dad friends are here.

Ugh!

I don't want to play with the dads.

What's wrong with them?

They're boring.

The wives are these lions who fight for their kids, and the dads just sit there silently waiting to be told what to do.

They make me feel tough and lively by comparison, and that is ridiculous.

[Knock on door]

Oh, hello!

[Groans]

Welcome. Happy Oscar Sunday.

Jimmy, you remember Kevin and Carl.

Come on.

Hello, boys.

Yeah, it's okay. Go on in. Have fun.

Oi, are you wearing makeup?

Wait, you... you've had your eyebrow done.

There's two of them now.

Is this because of Becca?

Are you changing for her?

You didn't sit next to her.

You don't know how good she smells.

No, we are a group of moms who accept each other for who we are.

Don't change for that woman.

In fact... right, this all going back how it was.

Picture.

Now, Kenneth, put it all back how it was.

But do you remember how it was?

I do not.

Well, then it was like this.

Ooh, Ray.

Mom, look at how beautiful this house looks without this blight on it.

Ray, you were the one who found my keys.

You know what I'm gonna say.

I'll put the tarp back up.

Yeah, man, big day... The Oscars.

Nobody's a bigger movie buff than me.

"You're not the biggest movie buff at this table."

Let's find out.

"What was Pierce Brosnan's first James Bond movie?"

"GoldenEye!" In your face.

[Chuckles]

"GoldenEye."

Okay, perhaps this isn't the most inclusive trivia experience.

Hmm.

How to level this playing field?

"Michael Myers' mask was based on the face of what famous actor?"

Are you two starting to look alike?

Uh, guys, what's up?

My wife said to set up for dinner.

But we have plenty of tables and chairs?

Just doing what I was told.

My wife said to help him.

I needed to look busy.

Their eyes are empty.

They'd follow any order they're given, like lemmings marching to their death.

Any order, you say?

Dads, I've spoken with your wives.

They are thrilled with the work you've done here today.

But they still have a few more tasks.

Alfonso, your wife wanted you to sort and stack these boxes... for the party.

Got it, boss.

Wow.

Carl, your wife wanted to know if you could fix the garage door to keep it from squeaking.

I'm on it.

Kevin, you can start sweeping the floor.

Sure thing.

Sanjey, this car hasn't worked in 10 years.

Can you fix it for special-needs reasons?

Of course.

I got to expand this list.

Maya: Okay, everyone.

I don't want to start a stampede like last time.

Pigs in blankets!

Move, move.

Becca: Ding-dong.

Oh, hello, Becca.

Hello.

Uh, this is Savannah, my youngest.

And that's Dale. He's my oldest.

Ha! He's my husband.

[Chuckles] I was kidding.

Strong one... He'll do just fine.

Well, Becca, you're just in time for one of my famous pigs in a blanket.

I'd love that, but I'm on a cleanse.

[Quietly to Savannah] All right, want to go sit here?

Um, but you're not.

Are you standing up straight for her?

[Laughs] This is how I stand.

You usually look like you're trying to lick your bellybutton.

Go on, back to it.

And eat that. Slump and eat.

We have guests, love. Be wait in your room.

I hear you were happy about the tarp for a second.

Aw, buddy.

As much as we celebrate Hollywood fantasy today, my life is no movie.

♪ ♪

Hi. I... I'm Ray.

Ooh, like a ray of sunshine.

Yes.

That's exactly what I'm like.

I'm Zelda.

Her name's Ann.

Society calls me Ann.

Ugh, society.

I know.

I can't stand this button-down world.

I just need to laugh and sing and be free.

Then it's a good tng you met me.

Are you a quirky free spirit, too?

No, I go by the books and follow the rules.

Yes, I'm a quirky free spirit.

Come... we'll have ever so much fun.

I ever can't wait.

Right, the show's about to start.

[Chatter over television]

I'd like to say a few words... My opening monologue, but without the song and dance 'cause of time constraints.

It's too bad, Mom. You would've crushed it.

Their loss.

Thank you all for coming to our humble gathering.

The dip may be store-bought and the napkins mismatched.

We may not have cleaned our bathroom.

Yeah, could you just go and check the mail, please?

But it's Sunday.

Yeah, but thank you.

Okay.

Okay, where were we?

The party is perfect.

Now, let's watch some Brits win prizes for playing Americans.

[Laughter]

[Rustling]

[Electricity crackles]

[All murmuring]

[Groans]

[Banging on television, remote clicking]

It can't be.

And that concludes the Oscar portion of our Oscar party.

Isn't our fort magical?

I'm so happy that I finally found someone as wild and free as me.

Yeah, I'm manic pixie dream girl, like in the movies.

That's my personality.

Okay.

Why do you dress so weird?

For me, people who dress normal are weird.

You know, laundry day.

But trust me...

Shh!

Why talk when we can spin?

[Laughing]

Oh, God, Ray. Close the door!

Maya: Oh, come on.

What's this?

Aw, it's frozen again.

Oh, uh, Maya's watchinthe Oscars and passing it along to us.

Oh, hold on, it's back.

And now the guy presenter is... is saying how film has the power to transport us to faraway places.

It's not working.

And someone's won. Yay.

See, this is working.

I've got Sanjey on hold with the cable company.

He's says they're gonna be a while.

You want to just shut this thing down?

No.

These women's self-esteem is on the line.

They need this party to prove that the way they live their lives...

The way that we live our lives...

Is nothing to apologize for.

Sanjey, tell them to come.

The party's become a metaphor.

Dude. [Chuckles]

Mad props for knowing that one.

But more importantly, who is letting you watch "Eyes Wide Shut"?

You know what? I am digging our inclusive trivia game here.

Aidan: Can we play?

Huh. Let's see.

Uh... visual impairment, hearing impairment, Down syndrome, autism, and a walker.

Hmm.

How to make this game fair for these beautiful kids instead of sneaking off and watching "Eyes Wide Shut"?

Okay, it's a commercial break.

Time to see what Lady Potluck has in store for us.

I brought cups.

I brought cups.

Cups.

Oh.

I just did a big, huge shop, and I bet a few of us could swing by my place, fix up some grub, get back here before Best Sound Mixing.

That is, if it's okay with our host.

You want to ride bikes and hold hands?

Trust me, it's gonna make us feel alive.

You know what makes me feel alive?

Wearing a helmet.

As a quirky joke.

Safety first.

[Gasps]

Can we drive this instead?

Sure. If you can get that old thing working, then we can drive it.

[Engine starts]

Holy crap. What is happening?

I feel so alive!

I'm gonna wear this anyways.

Okay, now, remember, we're still in the middle of a move, so please forgive the mess.

Oh, don't worry. No judgment here.

Oh, come on, lady.

[Door closes]

Make yourself at home.

How does she live like this?

Why can't we?

It's making my posture worse.

God, even the floors are beautiful.

No, don't do that.

She's not better than you.

Every mom has a problem. We'll find hers.


Hey, guys?

It's like we've died and gone to Pinterest.

Stop trying to like it.

Well, everyone has a laser and a letter board.

Aidan, your letter board is extra large so you can read it.

We'll present all questions orally and visually so hearing won't be an issue.

Since Oliver is a hyper genius at Pixar movies, there will be no Pixar questions.

Come on!

You're just like Carl Fredricksen from "Up."

I'll take that as a compliment.

[Drill whirs]

Finished dusting your old LPs.

Ah, your wife thanks you.

Took the liberty of putting your Dukes of Stratosphear album with XTC, since it's a side project.

You like XTC?

Yes, I do.

Ugh, damn it.

What's wrong?

You have interests. Taste.

You're like a... person.

[Hammering, indistinct conversation]

Oh, man.

[Sighs] Guys.

Guys. I have a confession to make.

Your wives didn't ask you to make me a cabinet out of scrap wood.

I did.

But they asked us to clean your dryer vents, right?

Also me. Same with writing the thank-you notes.

What is with you guys?

You just do anything you're asked?

My wife works so hard. I just want to help.

I want to make my kid's life easier.

Sure, get that. But what do you want?

[Insects chirping]

I don't understand the question.

In the film "Pulp Fiction," what was in Marsellus Wallace's briefcase?

Go.

JJ!

"Trick question. Nothing."

That is correct. JJ for the win.

Aidan: But the co-writer Roger Avary said that in the original script, the briefcase had diamonds.

"The question was about the film."

A film based on a script.

I heard the briefcase represents Marsellus Wallace's soul.

Who told you that? Woody or Buzz?

Excuse me?

The answer is diamonds!

S-O... "Sore loser much?"

You want to go?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no.

Okay, guys, listen. This is a game, not a brawl.

"Maybe we want a brawl."

I know I do.

Wait, no, no, no, listen.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, guys, guys, listen. You guys aren't gonna fight.

Though, I suppose it's not my place to tell you what's right or wrong.

I'm just the playing-field leveler.

Hmm.

What accommodations can I devise to allow these gorgeous youths an equal-opportunity death match?

It's just stressful, you know?

Knowing that if I ever lose her hearing aid, there's only one backup.

Yeah, I-I think we've all got stories like this...

Stress and helplessness...

Which is why it's important to make time for ourselves.

Now, fellas, what do you want to do?

I want to do a jigsaw puzzle by myself.

I want to make pancakes with the mixings I decide.

I want to be tired, put something I don't care about on TV, and... and let the loud noises startle me awake.

Like, uh...

Aah!

Aahh!

I want to dance.

Sounds like a dad party.

Voilà. 10-minute tiramisu.

Sorry, Becca, I hate to expose you as a fraud, but you made it in nine minutes.

[Laughter]

I just love edgy comedy.

Oh, um, before everybody leaves, make sure to take a homemade preserve.

They're from this...

Yeah, yeah, okay. Let's head back.

Everyone's waiting for us.

I'm gonna take a walk.

This hibiscus lemonade went straight through me.

Oh, sure, um, I'll take you to the water closet.

The crapper. Yeah, right?

Thanks, chief.

Shall we?

I want to stay here.

Me too.

I'm not leaving.

Me neither.

Carly: I'm not even leaving this pantry.

What do I have to go back to?!

God, don't let her to make you feel bad about yourselves.

We should.

I am wearing my son's bathing suit as underwear.

And that is not okay. Why did you tell us it was okay?

Go without us, Maya.

No, I don't like how she makes you feel.

And I really don't like how she makes me feel.

Now, our lives are filled with chaos, and I've made my peace with that.

But if she's able to do everything that we do and have this, then we must be doing something wrong, and I can't accept that.

I am the better mother.

I have to be.

Mom, look. Becca gave me a French braid.

I thought you said I didn't have the right hair for it.

Right. You! Get the hell out of our lives.

Wha?

Um...

You are welcome to show yourselves out.

[Clears throat] Excuse me.

Thanks for coming.

Thanks for coming.

Thanks for coming. Thank you.

What? I'm supposed to feel bad now?

[Sighs] God.

Fine.

Oh.

Sorry.

That was harsh. I know you were trying to help.

I just thought you were judging me and that you think you're better than me.

I was... because I do.

What?

Yeah.

Wait, is this "Special-Needs Mom Punk'd"?

Mnh-mnh.

Is it?

No, because I already had that idea, and I have it written down.

I know you. I know a million yous.

One more special-needs mom who thinks I have a problem because I-I like a little bit of order.

"There's Becca. She's not like us.

She doesn't use horse manure as shampoo."

[Lids popping]

What are you doing?

I'm unsealing your grains.

Stop it.

Leave my cereals out of this.

I will not. I hate your bloody cereal.

I hate your house. I hate your tarp.

I hate your mess.

Oh, do you?

Oh, look, have some mess.

No!

Here you are... On your head.

Wait, it's all bloody vacuum-sealed.

Yes, they are... for freshness, as well as aesthetic purposes.

You're aesthetic purposes.

Wha... wha... Why?

You are barbaric!

This is the most unsatisfying food fight I've ever had!

Please, some scissors!

Do you see what happens when you make me apologize?

So, this is my school.

Did you know that "school" and "prison" have the same number of letters?

Whoa.

There's no way that's a coincidence.

Ooh, let's go in here and make some art.

Cool. Maybe we can use our bodies as canvas or something.

[Doorknob rattles]

Oh, poo.

It's locked.

You didn't say no to body canvas.

Is that still on the table?

Is that you?

What?

[Scoffs] No.

It's... it's some conformist that... that looks like me.

Sometimes I'm tormented by the thought that you're just a big phony.

I am not a phony.

I am and always will be a manic pixie dream boy.

I want to believe you, Ray of sunshine.

Aaah!

[Glass shatters]

What was that?!

Me proving I'm a fun free spirit?

Art is fun. Spinning on a hilltop is fun.

Felonies are not fun!

Spinning isn't that fun.

[Door opens, closes]

Oh, no.

Dylan: Adults, you've had your turn. I'm going to fix this.

So I call this meeting of the special-needs moms' support group to order.

Nope.

Worth a shot.

So it seems like you two make each other feel bad.

Why?

Mom, no can do your job better than you.

And, you, lady, if your kids are 1/10 as chewy as your cookies, they're gonna be all right.

We do judge ourselves against each other... harshly.

We want to believe that we're the best moms for out kids.

It's terrifying when it seems like someone else is better.

You know, I think we need to give each other and ourselves a break.

It's like, we have the same problems, right?

We just come at them from different angles.

And I kind of like some of your angles.

[Sighs]

For you.

Oh. [Lid pops]

I love it.

And I like your tarp.

We're sisters. We're not enemies.

Yeah, there don't need to be enemies.

That's right.

Unh-unh.

No. Uh... except moms without special-needs kids.

Oh, they can kiss my ass.

[All agreeing]

Stuff them.

They just don't get it at all.

[All screaming]

♪ ♪

[Scattered laughter, indistinct shouting]

Can you imagine a weirder party?

♪ Louie, Louie ♪

♪ Aye-yi-yi-yi ♪

[All cheering]

♪ Me gotta go ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪

[Group chanting "Go!"]

♪ Louie, Louie ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Me gotta go ♪

Dance, you beautiful husbands, da-a-ance!

All the way, JJ. Come on.

Hold the body.

Uh, hello, moms.

[Screaming stops]

Kenneth, did you give our disabled children weapons so they could fight each other and you could film it?

No, I'm the good guy!

This is an inclusivity thing.

I empowered them to battle.

Some of them I blindfolded, and some I... I duct-taped.

Hmm.

How do I get myself to stop talking?

[Indistinct conversations]

Okay. We're leaving.

Put the chairs in the trunk.

You got it, hon.

[Quietly] I'm gonna put these in the back seat.

Woman: Oh, thank you. Oh.

Ray, I have to say goodbye.

You're way too wild and free for me.

I swear, I'm lame.

Ask anyone.

Nice try, Ray of sunshine.

I know the real you.

But here, take this.

[Voice breaking] First, I'd like to thank my family.