01x03 - Best Buds

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Lethal w*apon". Aired: September 2016 to February 2019.*
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"Lethal w*apon" is based on the action film series of the same name, in which a slightly unhinged cop is partnered with a veteran detective trying to maintain a low stress level in his life.
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01x03 - Best Buds

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ ♪
♪ Rocket ♪
♪ Ignite my rocket ♪
♪ Don't ever stop, she's a ten ♪
♪ She's a ten, she's a ten... ♪

Welcome to Budding Blossom.

What can I get for you today?

You know, I'm not exactly sure.

Well, I just got this new Sativa strain in.

It's called "Jack the Ripper."

It's citrusy, high energy.

Great for work if you need a little afternoon kick.

I'm more looking to zone out to the Kardashians after my kid goes to bed, but I don't want the munchies.

(chuckling): Totes. You want "Weed Thins."

Hunger-suppressing Indica hybrid.

I'll take an eighth.

♪ I'll tell you why ♪
♪ She got money ♪
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
♪ Dirty sexy money ♪
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
♪ My high-street honey ♪
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
♪ She's knows what she's got ♪
♪ Because she's so hot ♪
♪ That's why I... ♪

(muffled): Move!

Get out!

(tires screeching)

(coughing)

Woman: The female praying mantis begins to k*ll the male by devouring his jaw.

The male is simply the nearest food source around.

When we return, the female will lay honeycomb casings to protect her hundreds of eggs.

Man: You're the perfect couple.

You've had a connection since the day you met, but you've been slowing down recently.

(phone buzzing)

Well, now there's an easier way to revitalize your relationship and keep that connection going.

Introducing...

(advertiser's voice fading)

♪ ♪

(g*nsh*t)

♪ Lord, I wake up in the morning ♪

Murtaugh: And RJ knows that he's babysitting tomorrow night?

What?

Date night? Fruit and Barrow?

Oh, sh**t, baby.

I think I have a work thing now.

It's okay.

We've been putting this date off for what, four months now?

Once more ain't gonna k*ll us.

Four months without a date? Mm-mm.

No. We need a kid-free, work-free night.

So, I'll move some things around.

Not necessary. Look, Fruit and Barrow ain't goin' nowhere, and neither am I.

You're a good man, Roger Murtaugh.

♪ Sun shining down ♪

(phone chirping)

♪ On my face ♪

Mmm. Mmm. Mm-mm.

No.

♪ Lord, I wake up in the morning ♪

Yeah?

All right. I'll meet you there.

Duty calls.

Worse. Riggs.

(laughs)

Mmm-mmm-mmm-hmm.

Dude. Yo!

What the hell?

I told you I was on my way.

You said "I'll meet you there."

Yes, "there."

At the office.

Well, "there" means the crime scene.

Maybe in Texas. Not in L.A.

Bailey, tell him what "there" means here.

There where?

Here.

What?

If I say, "Bailey, meet me there," where do you go?

There.

And that's where?

Here.

Riggs: Okay, that's great.

I'm glad you guys cleared that up for me.

So, what do we got, Bailey?

Our suspects fled in the truck after removing the LoJack.

There's no witnesses, except for the driver, a retired cop by the name of Ned Brower.

Ned Brower?

That's my old training officer. Is he okay?

Bailey: Well, he took a pretty bad blow to the head.

The EMTs are cleaning him up now.

(chuckling): H-Hey, Roger!

How you doing, buddy?

I'm good.

Take it easy, there.

Oh, there?

Don't confuse the man, Rog.

My new partner.

Mr. Delightful.

Martin Riggs.

Glad you're all right.

Thank you.

Any chance you're available for some remedial partner training?

Oh, hell, I need the retraining. Look at me.

I feel like a damn fool.

I hate to break it to you, but you've never been much to look at, Ned.

(chuckling)

Riggs: Hey, Ned.

Whose money were you driving?

The cash all came from the local pot shops.

I was driving it to the company I work for.

Murtaugh: Joint Asset Securities?

That's it. Yeah, they're some kind of, um, financial services for the dispensaries.

Mm-kay, well, that's something to go on.

Mm-hmm.

Thanks, Ned.

All right.

You take it easy, buddy.

(chuckling): You, too.

See you around, buddy.

Later.

Ned's company is downtown. I'll send y'all the address.

Okay, we're on our way.

I'll meet you... There?

Yeah. There.

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm kidding.

Like, where-where are we really going?

Murtaugh: So, Ms. Carlson, how long have you been selling pot for a living?

My clients make their living selling marijuana, detective.

I manage their money.

In Texas, we still call that laundering.

And in Texas, it would be.

But in California, pot is legal. Dispensaries earn $3 billion a year, all of it cash, but... they're legally prohibited from using banks.

And what do you get out of it?

20%.

(whistles)

20%? Is that legal?

Reflects my risk.

The Fed won't insure their money, so I do, which is why I'm on the hook for the $17 million that was on that truck.

Are the deposits always that big?

Not even close.

It was tax day.

Dispensaries have to pay state tax just like everyone else.

But, without access to banks, they pay in cash.

Who else knew it was tax day pickup?

Just my clients.

So, we're gonna need a list of those clients.

Confidentiality is extremely important to my business, gentlemen.

I'll need you both to be discreet.

Oh, we're very discreet. I mean, me so, more than him.

But, you know, him too.

Good choice.

Yeah.

♪ I got a lot on my mind, I got a lot on my plate ♪
♪ I got a couple of trouble, I got some money to waste ♪
♪ I put the drinks on the tab, you put yo ass in the car ♪
♪ It's like a weekend at Bernie's... ♪

You ever feeling like you made the wrong career choice?

Yeah.

The day I met you.

All right, so the house is co-owned by a Lon Stober and a Donald Duncan.

They're partners in a dispensary called Budding Blossom.

♪ Now, ooh, I got paper and I ain't gon' chase ya ♪

Riggs: You ever smoke weed?

I mean, before you became a cop?

Nah, I played ball.

I ain't have time to mess with that stuff. You?

Nah, of course not. Straight as they come.

♪ Call a Uber, Uber ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a scuba ♪

It stinks like patchouli oil in here.

Hey, who are we looking for again?

♪ Who's all with me now? Who's all with me now? ♪
♪ Whoop ♪
♪ Whoop ♪

Excuse me.

Sorry to bother you ladies, but could you tell where I would find a...

Lon Stober or Donald Duncan?

Lonnie and Donnie.

Donnie and Lonnie...

Wonder if they have a brother named Ronnie?

That's a really good question.

Murtaugh: Hey.

Don't disappear on me when we're working together.

Try to remember that we're partners.

You two are partners?

That is great.

How long have you been together?

No, it's not...

How long has it been, Rog?

You know, I feel just like yesterday, I saw him from across a crowded room... it was a Sadie Hawkins Dance, and neither one of us had a date.

Excuse me.

Can I help you two?

Ah, let me guess: Lonnie and Donnie.

That's right. Who are you?

Detectives Riggs and Murtaugh, LAPD.

We need to ask you a couple questions.

Where you guys been? That was our tax money on that truck!

Yeah, we know.

And we'll get to it. But first, I need to ask...

Do either of you have a brother named Ronnie?

Does everyone here have a valid medical marijuana license?

Yes.

Probably.

Right.

I'm gonna go, uh, check IDs.

♪ ♪

What?

Sorry.

So, how much money do you keep with Joint Asset Securities?

All of it.

Angela knows everything about finance, and taxes, and all that.

She doesn't even smoke.

(Donnie inhaling)

Hey. Could you not do that around me?

I have to get drug tested.

(coughing)

Good day, gentlemen.

We're all good in there.

Did you just...

Huh? N-No. No.

You want to go get something to eat?

I'm famished.

Cahill: Riggs? Hello?

I'm sorry.

Uh, what was the question?

You-you asked me a question.

A-About the protocols in place for an officer who tests positive for dr*gs he ingested while in the line of duty.

Um, sorry. Yeah.

So, Murtaugh and I, we had to go investigate this pot party today and, uh, there was just a ton of secondhand smoke, so... you know.

Just want to make sure nobody gets in trouble.

(clicks tongue) You know.

Well, in that case, there's a form I could give you that would clear you from any testing for the next 90 days.

Perfect.

Can I get one of those?

Do you get high, Riggs?

I mean, when you're not working?

What? No. I mean, you know, I drink a little.

You know, very occasionally.

Uh, social functions, holiday parties and the like.

Self-medicating with dr*gs and alcohol, that's something I talk about with a lot of people in this room.

'Cause what's said in this room, stays in this room.

(sighs)

Well, I tell you what. (clears throat)

Why don't you talk to Murtaugh if you think I'm lying?

I didn't say you were.

(pen scribbling)

(clears throat)

(sighs)

So I woke up this morning, uh, with the TV on, and, uh, you know, there's one of those annoying commercials where the couples are frolicking around, you know, overly happy.

(sighs)

And it was difficult to watch.

What did you do?

sh*t the TV.

Ned: How are Trish and the kids?

Oh, you know, Trish is Trish.

Kicking ass, taking names.

And, you know, we have the baby now, which is crazy, you know, starting over again.

I can't believe you're doing that.

I mean, I can't believe you didn't just take the pension and hang it up.

I'll hang it up when the bad guys do.

How's Sarah?

Sarah d*ed of ovarian cancer six months ago.

What? Oh, God, no.

Sarah wanted to keep it very private.

d*ed like she lived.

Ned, I wish I could have been there for you.

Well, I was married to the job the first 20 years with Sarah, and... the next 20 were supposed to be ours, for us.

Best laid plans, right?

Look at this. Little family reunion.

This warrants a little bit of scotch at least, right?

You know, for this reunion, a Babs would be more appropriate.

A Babs!

Even better. What's her number?

Wait a minute, he doesn't know... he doesn't know what a Babs is?

No.

Are you teaching him nothing?

It is not that I'm not teaching him, he's just not learning.

A Babs... Bad Ass Breakfast Sandwich.

Roger used to bring me one every Friday from the only deli that does it right.

In Hawthorne.

Good little trainee.

(laughs) This guy...

So you guys solve the case yet?

Not yet.

Is there anything else about these guys?

Uh, yeah, the one thing, there was this smell... this earthy kind of incense.

Patchouli oil.

What did Carlson say about tax day pick-up?

Only her clients knew? Lonnie...

And Donnie.

You know, for being new partners, you guys are pretty good together.

Ehh...

Ehh...

Murtaugh (loudly): Lonnie?

Donnie?

LAPD. Hello?

Hello?

Well, we found our pot heads.

Honey, when did you get home?

15 minutes ago. You were in the shower.

I pulled an all-nighter.

Two murders. Decapitations. Savage.

Decapitations?

Mm-hmm.

Good Lord.

I just came home to get a decent cup of coffee before I head back to the office.

Well, you're gonna need some sleep when you get home.

(groans)

It's a good thing we pushed the date night.

No.

It's not a good thing.

Do we still have reservations?

At Fruit and Barrow? I cancelled.

But I can make a call, if you're sure.

I ran into Ned Brower yesterday.

Sarah d*ed. Six months ago.

Cancer.

No.

He said he wanted to spend time with her once he retired.

I don't want to be Ned.

Date night... tonight.

I'll move some things around.

Okay, if it's not that important.

It's work. (scoffs)

This... this is important.

Hey, look who's here.

Trish: Oh, gosh. (chuckles)

Invite him in.

I love you. I love you, too.

Hey, Riggs!

What are you doing here?

What?

I'm here.

Why?

Here is there.

No, no, no.

There is the office.

Here is my house. (groans)

We meet there, and then we drive together.

So now what do we do?

I'm gonna go take a shower.

Try not to steal nothin'.

(sighs)

♪ Feels so good to be walking... ♪

Just make yourself at home, Riggs.

Oh, thanks. I already did.

So how long were you waiting back there?

I was gonna come in, you know, but I didn't want to barge in on you and Trish.

You seemed happy.

Hmm.

Luckiest traffic stop ever.

I was a rookie on patrol.

Pulled over a speeder.

Trish?

Yeah.

What'd you do, waive the ticket and get her number?

Hell no. I wrote the ticket.

She showed up at traffic court.

She contested it. Kicked my ass.

And then I got her number.

That was one good traffic stop.

Murtaugh: Yeah.

Not to be too personal, but things are still kinda, you know, frisky with us. (chuckles)

No, please, elaborate.

I mean, you know, I'm just saying I don't want to take it for granted, because these things can just disappear.

At any moment?

Yeah.

Sorry about that, I, you know, I was...

Look, it's okay.

You should be able to talk about these kind of things.

Hey, you know, I was thinking, we should talk to g*ng Unit about decapitation...

Whoa.

Decapitation can be very disturbing.

No, that breakfast of yours is disturbing.

This is just not right, man.

You don't want in on this?

No.

You know, I saw some decaps in Texas.

All cartel-related.

And they always outsourced their wet work to local gangs.

You may be onto something.

You know, I-I can't do this.

I can't... I can't talk to you while you're eating like that.

You can't or you won't?

Both, Riggs. Both.

Man: Negative.

Cartels aren't in L.A.

If you're looking for head choppers, try the Jamaicans.

Kingston Boys, over on Manchester.

I'll send you Intel.

Murtaugh: Thanks for the tip.

Hey, young man, what's your name?

Cruz.

Nasty scar you got there on your neck.

Something you can tell us?

Just what Sarge said.

(Riggs laughs)

"Just what Sarge said."

This kid, I don't know if he's more scared of his Sarge or his shadow.

I ain't afraid of anything.

Good, because here's the deal, Cruz.

We have two headless bodies, not in Mexico, in L.A.

Okay, look, the cartels are active in L.A.

But I hear they're outsourcing to local gangs.

You hear? (chuckles)

All right, man. Good luck growing a pair.

I used to roll with the Locos.

They'd take cartel jobs.

The Locos? That who b*rned the g*ng tat off your neck after you quit?

No. I b*rned it off.

Look, check the heads.

The cartels use machetes.

It might get you somewhere.

Hey, Cruz.

You want to roll with us?

Play homicide detective for a little while?

You could sit on his lap.

He'll let you play with the siren.

Riggs: He loves the siren. I hate it.

Definitely a machete, but, here's a plot twist.

The decapitation was post-mortem.

Cause of death was electrocution, courtesy of... wait for it... a cattle prod.

They tortured him for information.

Yeah, from the severity of the burns, I'd say this prod runs at 15,000 volts.

(Murtaugh whistles)

That's 20 times stronger than a defibrillator.

You got a pacemaker?

Yeah.

You might want to stay away from these things.

Ya think?

Cruz: I know a sick banger who tortures people with a cattle prod.

Name's Paco.

Runs a g*ng out of Venice called Los Alvos.

Sounds lovely. Can't wait to meet him.

Thanks, Scorsese.

You got it.

(music plays on radio)

Murtaugh: I'm not sure if any of them are Paco.

Riggs: We can just go ask. Seem like a friendly sort.

Riggs, let's use this as a learning opportunity.

Okay, I covered for you with Avery with the...

(inhales twice quickly)

But my generosity goes but so far.

Let's be the smart ones.

You know what, Rog?

I couldn't agree more.

Paco!

Not smart, Riggs. Not smart!

(rap music playing)

Whassup?

You know me?

Riggs: I mean, I know of you.

You're Paco, right?

Sagittarius, like playing shock the monkey and chopping off people's heads.

Murtaugh and Riggs.

There's just two of you?

No, we got backup coming.

Yep, just the two of us. Me and my partner.

Drove here together and everything.

(chuckles) Guys... here's...

♪ Dudes keep talking 'bout their ice and all the shine to it ♪
♪ That's a white gold cross with a real fine cubic ♪

I got him!

♪ Ma wanna fall in love ♪
♪ Like I'm Cupid ♪
♪ Telling me she don't give... like I'm stupid ♪

There's no nails in that, homie.

(laughs)

♪ Get it, think about it, the game is bad, playa ♪
♪ Ain't it bad, playa? Don't worry ♪
♪ Joey'll change it back, playa ♪
♪ Might've heard me spittin' wit' Cain and Fab, playa ♪
♪ I got the set boards to bring it back, playa... ♪
(electricity crackling)

Easy, son, don't do nothin' stupid with that thing.

Yaaah!

(Riggs laughing maniacally)

Told you I had your back, Rog.

(pained chuckle)

(door closes, locks)

You know the best part about being cattle prodded?

I mean, aside from gaining a new appreciation for the struggles of cattle everywhere?

It leaves a distinctive burn.

Unique, like a fingerprint.

Now, that's a perfect match to the burns on my two decapitated corpses.

Cruz: You just hit the jackpot.

A double life sentence in San Quentin.

Estás muerto hoy.

Riggs: Paco, come on, now.

Is that any way to talk to an industry colleague?

Look, there's no shame in being a starter g*ng.

I was in one in middle school.

It was awesome... we had little bells on our bikes and everything.

Cruz: Better ink, I bet.

"RIP Chuy"?

Didn't know you were a Star Wars nerd.

Don't look like the Force is with you anymore now, bro.

(speaking Spanish)

(speaking Spanish)

(speaking Spanish)

(speaking Spanish)

Mucho gracias, amigo.

♪ ♪

(door opens)

Murtaugh: Look, the cartels used to make billions off of marijuana.

Since the pot shops opened, they've been losing a fortune.

They got to wet their beaks somehow. My guess is, some of that money was theirs.

So they send in a sociopath with a penchant for machetes and cattle prods. So much for legalization lowering the crime rate. Is Paco talking?

All right. (claps hands) Paco's talking.

Did you guys plan that?

Riggs? Plan? (laughs) That's funny.

All right. In the middle of his charmingly psychopathic rant about how he was going to order a hit on Cruz and yours truly, he mentioned there's still $17 million on the street.

Looks like that truck is still out there. Saddle up, big guy. We got work to do.

Avery: First, Riggs, go see the city attorney. He left you six messages.

Why does he want to talk to Riggs?

Avery: Wild guess, the astronomical rise in lawsuits filed against our fair city since Riggs joined the force. Hey, look. If you're gonna get reamed out, least I can do is come with you.

I mean, you took a cattle prod for me today.

Enjoy your wife. I got this. If I can handle Paco, I can handle Ronnie Delgado.

That's Mr. City Attorney to you.

You got it!

He took a cattle prod for you?

Yeah.

I wouldn't have done that for you.

No.

♪ ♪

You know, you didn't have to call my boss.

It got you here.

You can't keep avoiding me.

And not because I'm your boss's boss.

Because we're family, Martin.

I know.

Thank you.

Anna misses you.

She wants you to come for Sunday dinner.

I appreciate that. Um...

This Sunday's just not a great day for me, unfortunately, though. You know.

From what I see, it doesn't look like any of your days are great ones.

Anna's making Miranda's favorite.

Mole.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Look, I got to run.

I, uh, got paperwork and stuff to catch up on.

Martin.

She wouldn't want you to be alone.

(chuckles)

Wasn't my first choice, either, Ronnie.

Thank Anna for the invite, would you?

(sighs)

♪ Baby ♪
♪ You're the one I love ♪

Hey.

(kisses)

Well, thank you, honey.

You haven't changed.

Oh, I'm sorry, I wanted to go home and freshen up, but it was crazy at the office today.

No, I meant, you're just as beautiful as the day we first met.

Did I really look that good when you stopped me?

Why do you think I pulled you over in the first place?

(laughs)

That's inadmissible, by the way.

I don't know...

Oh! A Rollo.

Mm.

We are celebrating.

Uh-huh. No kids, no work.

Tonight is about us.

Thank you.

(chuckles) Honey...

(laughing): Stop! Thank you.

(clears throat) It's about us. Okay.

It's about us. Okay. So, now... You don't get a chance to say the things that I want to say, so I-I jotted some stuff down.

(laughing): Oh!

It's a rough draft, and I'm... still working Okay! on some transitions. but... (sniffles). Okay. Here it is.

Trish.

Mm.

Going through life with you has been the greatest journey... Yours.

(phone buzzing)

Yes. What?

(puts phone down)

Sorry. It's a strong opening.

Continue.

Okay.

Um... We're on a journey, floating on a raft, through a river of love.

Ooh! (chuckles)

(phone buzzing)

Oh, sh**t. That's Ned.

Well, answer it.

Nah, don't worry about it. Don't worry.

Okay.

All right. Where was I?

Where was I?

Uh, uh... a raft... of love.

No, no, no, no.

We're on a river. And, our children are the life preservers.

Is that right? No... (laughs)

Damn it, I can't read my own writing.

No, it's-it's lovely, honey.

Keep going.

No. You know what? Forget about the notes.

Okay.

I love you more each day.

And you are...

(phone buzzes)

Oh, that's Ned.

He just texted me "9-9-9."

He wouldn't use that code unless there was something wrong.

Go. No...

Go... Go ahead, honey. We have other nights. Okay.

Yeah. We'll do this tomorrow.

And... I'll get a chance to work on these notes.

(chuckles)

My thoughts.

Okay.

Okay. I'll tell, uh, a waiter we're leaving?

Oh, no, no. You're leaving.

I have a bottle of wine... and a babysitter.

I respect that.

Okay.

(chuckles)

Bye.

Mm. Love you.

I love you, too.

♪ ♪

(tires screeching)

Ned: Who is it?

Roger.

Thanks for coming.

You sent up the bat signal.

So I'm here. What's up?

We need to talk.

Ned... Talk?

I just skipped out on dinner with Trish.

Maybe we can get together tomorrow, have a beer, talk.

Tomorrow's too late. Come here.

♪ ♪

(Murtaugh sighs)

Let's talk.

(drops coins into machine)

Nice dinner.

Yeah. Yours looks better.

Mm. Doesn't it?

What?

Just a mighty big sandwich for such a tiny lady.

I have the metabolism of a hummingbird.

Want half?

No thanks.

Okay.

Keep that offer between us.

People will think I'm going soft and I have a reputation to protect.

♪ ♪

On second thought.

Hey...

Thanks!

Paco, my brother! What's up, ese?

Look, I'm sorry about the wait.

The traffic to the west side was a bitch.

But I got the sandwich I promised you.

What the hell are you talking about?

A Godmother's with the works. Extra pepperoncinis.

Did I screw it up? Was it no pepperoncinis?

This cop bringing you room service?

Man, I don't know this guy. I don't know nothing about a sandwich. Come on, man!

Paco!

Now, I am a man of my word. We had a deal.

You cooperate with the investigation, I bring your beloved Godmother, I...

Easy. Get these guys out of here.

Sit down.

Hey. You put a snitch jacket on me.

You're gonna get me shanked.

I guess you better start talking, or I'm gonna personally deliver you a basket of muffins every day at chow.

Hmm.

(sighs) What do you want to know?

Where's the money?

I have no clue.

All right. It's gonna be bran muffins, to keep you regular.

Look... I zapped those pot store fools for an hour.

They swore they didn't have the money.

You believed them?

Well, they copped to stealing the dough, said someone else stole it off them.

Names?

They didn't know.

Said no one else was in on the heist, no one even knew the money was stolen except the... the driver they jacked.

Thanks.

Keep the sandwich.

♪ ♪

Sarah got sick.

And the doctors... they all said there was no hope.

Course, the insurance wouldn't cover it, so I mortgaged the house, I cashed in my pension.

And I am wiped out.

That's why you were driving the armored truck for $14 an hour, huh?

Until those morons nearly k*lled me with a garbage truck.

So, you knew it was them all along?

No, not at first.

I was pretty shook up.

But in the hospital, I was trying to think of anything, and I...

I've been making pickups from those idiots for years, and I recognized their shoes.

So, you just went to the house, found the truck, and just drove it away?

It was so easy.

Then I heard about what happened to those guys, and I...

I'm scared, Roger. I screwed up.

Yeah, Ned. You did.

So, I, um...

I figured, you might as well take me in.

Better you than the cartel.

(clatter outside)

(crickets chirping)

LAPD! Come out with your hands up.

Hi, Rog.

What the hell are you doing here?

I could ask you the same question.

Ned's new ride?

Okay, I should've called you before I came here.

Look, it's okay.

He's your old T.O.

I'm with you on this, okay?

Murtaugh: Maybe I can pull some strings, get the feds to take your case.

You get a chance to hang out with Bernie Madoff instead of the gangbangers down in county lockup.

Well, all right. Yeah, I appreciate that.

Let's go. Take me in.

A... minute of your time, Roger.

Just... one second, Ned.

(exhales)

(whispering): We can't do this.

He won't last five minutes in lockup.

Do I need to remind you of our dear friend Paco?

He stole $17 million, Riggs.

I can't turn a blind eye to that.

I agree. We need to take him in.

So... Same page.

Tomorrow.

Tonight, we just take the money in.

(sighs)

It's our only sh*t.

Rog. If we go by the book on this, he'll be dead in 24 hours.

Ned: I know what you guys are thinking, and I can't let you do it.

You're not gonna throw your careers away for me.

Riggs: Well, to be honest, Ned, I don't have much of a career anyway.

Murtaugh: Look... I wouldn't have made it a day on the streets without you.

I owe you.

You don't owe me.

It's the job.

Do your job.

We're gonna take that money in.

We're coming back for you tomorrow.

Hey.

This man's solid gold.

You take care of him, you understand?

You can count on it.

Kiss of death.

You know, normally I would say, uh, head to Mexico.

North might be better for your situation.

Good luck.

I should have never let you talk me into this.

Rog, come on, it was the only way.

I mean, I love the man, but he stole 150 bricks of cold hard cash.

149.

No, it was 150.

Trust me.

Let's say 149.

Damn it, Riggs, giving Ned money wasn't part of the plan!

Uh, in fairness, I didn't have a plan.

Yes, we did.

We were gonna turn in the money and give Ned a few hours' head start.

No, that was your plan, okay?

My plan is driving this to some beach somewhere and settling down like Butch and Sundance. Butch and Sundance?

(cell phone ringing)

Do you know that...?

Ned, you'd better be halfway to Vancouver by now.

Rog, I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?

I'm sorry, but I'm gonna need that money back.

There's supposed to be an even exchange, Ned for the money.

Two of them, two of us.

But surprise, surprise.

Gangbangers suck at math.

I'm counting six.

Riggs: And a few more behind us.

Well, by my calculations, we're severely outnumbered and outgunned.

So, how do you want to play this, Riggs?

You asking me if I got a plan?

Against my better judgment, I am.

Good, 'cause I got one.

Murtaugh: Okay, good, what is it?

Riggs: It's better if I just show you.

Buckle up.

What? Why am I putting my seat belt on?

Wh-Why are you putting on your seat belt?

(tires squeal)

I do not approve of this plan. Let's call for backup.

Go ahead and call for backup, Rog.

I'm not sure they're gonna get here in time.

(a*t*matic g*nf*re)

Riggs!

Is this still your plan?!

At least they're following the money and not Ned.

(tires squeal)

(g*nf*re continues)

(people cheering)

(laughs)

Hey! I'm trying to sh**t here!

Riggs: Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but did you not see that the seat belt light is illuminated?

Dispatcher: All units in the downtown area...

Riggs and Murtaugh in yet?

Not yet, cap.

Maybe traffic.

Let me know when they deign to make an appearance.

Dispatcher: Attention, all units, sh*ts fired.

Armored truck crashed into multiple vehicles, then overturned.

Heavily armed suspects approaching.

Requesting immediate backup.

What are you waiting for? Let's go!

Well, this worked out well, huh?

If we'd have stuck with my original idea, we'd be on a beach somewhere, sipping drinks like Butch and Sundance.

Butch and freaking Sundance?

You know they both d*ed at the end of that movie!

Really?

Yeah!

Riggs: I never saw the film.

Murtaugh: No!

Okay, now you're angry.

How can you tell?

Uh-oh.

Hi, Los Alvos!

Riggs: How are you?

Murtaugh: Oh, great.

Piss them off while they surround us.

Oh, they're gonna k*ll us, anyway, Rog.

You know what?

Murtaugh: You're a terrible person in a foxhole.

Riggs: Maybe.

(grunts) But...

pretty good at sh**ting my way out. You ready?

On three.

Hey, Rog.

Uh-huh?

Don't make it easy for them.

Hell no.

Riggs: One...

Two...

Three!

(b*ll*ts ricocheting)

I'm out.

Yeah, me too.

So, what's your plan again?

(sirens wailing) MURTAUGH: That... that... that was my plan!

(laughs)

(laughs)

Officer: Get down, get down.

Get down now! Hands on the ground!

Hands on the ground!

Officer: On the ground!

All right, so, look, you know, this time we went with my plan.

Next time we'll go with your plan.

All right?

Partnership.

Partnership.

(whoops)

♪ ♪

Riggs: This is the fun part. We have an opportunity to give a thankful citizen her money back.

Avery: Angela's head was just found in a garbage dump in Tijuana.

Well, we can be in TJ by midnight and interface with the Mexican authorities to get... We're off the case.

It's the DEA's jurisdiction now.

You guys recovered the money, closed two homicides, but if you want to keep going, there's still one open case.

Both: What's that?

Fugitive recovery. Ned Brower.

Any ideas where he might be?

Mm-mm, I ain't seen him.

I don't know.

It's like he disappeared.

Yeah.

It was like a genie.

Gone.

The two of you agreeing with each other... now that's scary.

Do you know how to knock?

I owed you a sandwich.

Well, half a sandwich.

There you go.

Headed home?

Nah. A lot of paperwork.

Riggs, you can hide in the office.

You can hide in the bottle.

You can sh**t your TV, get high, whatever.

You don't have to talk to me.

But do you talk to anyone?

Well...

Your father-in-law?

I do due diligence on all my clients.

He must miss her, too.

Talking to him's not what I need right now.

It may not be what you need... but it may be what he needs.

♪ Lost in the insignificance of mine ♪
♪ I had no words to say ♪
♪ Now I am better ♪
♪ I implore you to say ♪
♪ It isn't right ♪
♪ But somewhere deep in history ♪
♪ Your father pulled the teeth... ♪

Relax, Martin.

They're gonna love you.

Well, if I was your daddy, there ain't a man on Earth to be good enough for my baby girl.

You are most definitely not my father.

Thank God.

♪ I do believe we're only passing through... ♪

You really didn't have to bring a gift.

Hey, it's how I was raised.

You show a man respect, then you earn his trust.

Texas charm.

Better get used to it.

♪ I do believe we're only passing through ♪
♪ Wired again, now look who's laughing ♪
♪ Me again, and all fired up on you ♪
♪ And now she's caught... ♪

I'm sorry, baby.

Not tonight.

♪ What to say and what she really means... ♪

(starts engine)

(sirens wail)

Come on.

I wasn't speeding that much.

Give me a break.

(groans)

License and registration, ma'am.

(laughs)

Roger Murtaugh.

If you don't get that flashlight out of my eyes...

What? You want another ass-whooping in traffic court?

Not court, but first dinner.

Fruit and Barrow?

I got something better in plan.

Mm, all right.

No.

(laughs)

This is the best date night ever.

Yeah.

It's just begun.

I've prepared some words.

Honey.

Not tonight.

No?

No.
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