01x18 - Flashlight

Episode transcripts for the TV show "MacGyver". Aired: September 2016 to present.*
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"MacGyver" centers around Angus "Mac" MacGyver, who creates a secret U.S. government organization where he uses his extraordinary talents for problem solving and his extensive knowledge of science to save lives. A reboot of the 1985–1992 ABC series of the same name.
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01x18 - Flashlight

Post by bunniefuu »

I saw you in my dream We were walking hand in hand On a white sandy beach - Of Hawaii

- (helicopter whirring, siren blaring)

- Okay, they got to be here somewhere.

- Yeah.

There.

All right, I'm going.

You-you stay.

You stay.

MacGYVER: What are you talking about?

I'm not staying.

JACK: It's six against one.

You do the math.

Besides, you're a pacifist.

I'm going.

- Hey, where are they?

- Getting away.

Aah!

- Stay!

What did I tell you?

- You I'm not staying.

- Sound familiar?

- Oh, yeah.

JACK: I'm gonna trip you, man.

(man shouts in Chinese)

Cover!

(loud whooshing)

- JACK: Vegas?

- - MacGYVER: No.

- Disneyland?

What?

- Karaoke?

- Absolutely not.

- Laser tag?

- No.

Bowling?

Wine tasting?

- Medieval Times, something?

- Jack.

We just stopped a brutal dictator from deploying a chemical w*apon.

- Can't this wait till we get back?

- No.

We can't wait.

I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told my sister last year.

Either you're celebrating your birthday with Jack, or you're agreeing to any and all plans for your birthday being done by Jack.

You said the same thing to me - last year, - Your choice.

- and I said the same thing.

- This year is gonna be different.

- And then, I had to explain - I can feel it.

Einstein's definition of insanity to you.

Okay, A: if you just pick one, Jack might shut up.

And, B: why not?

Birthdays are awesome.

Cake, presents.

What's not to love?

JACK: Yeah, what's the matter with you?

BOZER: Don't waste your time, Riley.

Been trying to get Mac to celebrate a birthday since the fifth grade.

No cakes, no piñatas, not even one tail pinned on one donkey.

JACK: Oh, come on, Mac.

- Every donkey needs a tail.

- Okay, everyone.

Listen up.

You know I love a good party, but birthdays make no sense.

We are aging every second of every minute of every day.

And for some reason, we decide to pick one arbitrary day to celebrate being one year older all because some pope made a calendar in the 16th century?

If we were on Mars, I would be 14 years old, and my next birthday wouldn't be for another 231 days.

JACK: Mars?

You're using Mars as an argument against birthdays?

Stop playing footsie with me.

- What?!

- All I'm saying is - birthdays are irrelevant.

- No, birthdays are not irrelevant.

Dude.

They're precious.

Every day on this earth is, especially in this line of work.

They're like signs in those factories that say it's been X amount of days since the last fatal accident.

So, we're celebrating.

I don't care what planet it's on.

What about monster trucks?

You like monster trucks, huh?

- (phone ringing)

- Everybody loves watching trucks get smashed together, people screaming, huh?

- Guys.

Hey, guys, it's Matty.

- I do.

Hey, Matty.

MATTY: Sorry to interrupt the in-flight movie, folks, but there's been a change of plans.

You're being rerouted.

BOZER: I haven't slept in a bed in five days.

You haven't showered in five days.

MATTY: Well, I'm sorry about that, but it's gonna have to wait.

A 7. 2 earthquake just struck 500 miles from your current location.

Okay, any casualties?

MATTY: Not yet, but FEMA teams on the ground are asking for all available help.

- Absolutely.

- MacGYVER: Yeah, we'll do what we can.

Where are we going?

REPORTER: Magnitude of 7. 2 struck at 8:41 a. m. , just two miles off the coast of Hilo.

First responders are rushing to the scene, reporting citywide structural damage.

Mandatory evacuations are underway as search and rescue teams comb the streets for survivors.

(indistinct chatter)

Coming through!

- This is bad.

- RILEY: Zero bars.

Cell network's down.

MacGYVER: Power grid, too.

And with the roads in the state that they're in, these people are gonna need a lot of help.

They're gonna need you, Mac.

Time to go to work.

Good, that looks good.

Sam Hopkins, FEMA regional director.

Are you all volunteers?

Yeah, from the Phoenix Foundation.

Phoenix Foundation.

Oh, right.

Uh, your boss called to say you were coming.

Though I'm not quite sure what a think t*nk can do.

How about I start by getting an ad hoc network up and running, get your cell phones working again?

And I'm about two-thirds of the way through advanced first aid training, so, I'll see if I can help over there.

Uh, your boss was a little vague about your skill sets.

What is it exactly you guys do again?

A little of this and a little of that.

JACK: Just point to the problem.

We'll make it go away.

(hiss, clack)

Oh, well, that's a problem for starters.

Anyone got eyes on Carter?

Can you find Carter and have him fix that generator again?

You're, uh, generator this way?

Yeah, but Hey.

Hey!

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Yeah, looks like your electrician already replaced the carb and switched out the filter, so HOPKINS: Guys, I appreciate the help, but you really shouldn't be messing with that - if you're not a certified - JACK: Oh, don't worry, Mr.

Hopkins.

He's certified in everything.

So generator has a magnet in its inverter.

Sometimes that magnet, if it loses strength, it needs to be remagnetized, or the generator cannot Generate?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

(whirring, beeping)

Clear!

(engine starting)

A little bit of this, a little bit of that, huh?

(indistinct, urgent chatter)

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm running I. T.

here.

Bit generous claiming you're running anything.

Your network's in shambles.

You think you can do better?

Just watch.

So you are good with this thing?

I know where the on-off switch is.

I recoded your node bootstrap scripts so they auto-install.

Now I'm switching from a reactive routing to a hybrid system.

I'm Riley, by the way.

Kalei.

Nice to meet you, Kalei.

Have a seat.

I could use some help.

All right, so I recoded this (continues indistinctly)

WOMAN: Excuse me.

I need this.

Right.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

CHIN: Requesting immediate assistance near the Kaumana Hotel.

We have survivors trapped in a building that could come down any minute.

JACK: We'll take that call.

Where's the hotel?

HOPKINS: Okay.

The hotel is here, half a mile away, but with the roads out, there's no way for vehicles to get them the heavy equipment they need.

Well, then we'll just walk in on foot and make what we need when we get there.

Is he serious?

When it comes to saving lives?

Yeah, absolutely.

(helicopter whirring)

Hey, what about hedgehog races?

- What?

- You know, for your birthday.

Jack, now is not the time.

Yeah, it is the time.

They book up really fast.

MacGYVER: Cracks in the foundation.

They weren't kidding.

This place could go down at any second.

Hang on.

I think this might be them.

Okay, please tell me you're the ones - with the demolition equipment.

- Oh, yeah, that's us.

No, it's-it's not.

Sorry.

But I think we can help anyways.

I'm MacGyver.

This is Jack Dalton.

- We work with the Phoenix Foundation.

- Hi.

Hey.

I'm Officer Kono Kalakaua, Five-O Task Force.

Five-O?

That's Steve McGarrett's outfit, right?

Yeah.

Wait.

So, Jack Dalton?

Oh, you heard of me?

Well, you're the one that called with the information about Dr.

Madison Grey?

That's me.

How'd that go, by the way?

She's dead.

- No so good for her then, huh?

- No, not so much.

So, where are we going?

Follow me.

(tools whirring)

Chin?

- Are these guys with Rescue?

- They're volunteers.

Jack here knows McGarrett.

(sighs)

Cool.

This is the wall you radioed about, yeah?

Yeah.

There's at least one person trapped inside.

JACK: And you're sure they're still in there?

Kulikuli!

(thudding and banging from inside)

CHIN: Yeah, I don't know how long they have, and this sledgehammer isn't doing any good.

It's probably a good thing.

Banging on this may bring down the whole game of Jenga.

How fast can we get 50 pounds of sand up here?

What?

Yeah.

Hey, look, I know he's a weird dude, but trust me, he's got it all figured out.

You got it all figured out, don't you, buddy?

Uh, yeah, as long as the water mains aren't broken, I think I can cut through this wall.

I just need some sand and some water.

What exactly are you making?

It's a water jet cutter.

Out of that stuff?

You sure it's gonna work?

Well, if I can get the water to sh**t out at 1,500 psi, then, yeah probably.

Probably?

Don't be alarmed.

"Probably" is as sure as he ever gets.

Charming, right?

Here you go.

I think we were doing better with the sledgehammer.

Hey, don't Lives are at stake, man.

Go turn on the hose.

Man.

(buzzing)

Here, come on, guys.

We need to move this.

- CHIN: Ready?

- One, two, three.

(grunting)

KONO: There she is.

Hey.

Come on out.

Come on out, we got you.

- (woman whimpers)

- KONO: We got we got you.

Careful.

Thank you.

(rumbling)

We need to get out of here now.

- Wait.

you can't leave.

Not yet.

- Why?

My co-workers they're still down in the lab.

I was only up here making a phone call.

KONO: Okay.

More survivors?

How many?

Uh, 15.

Four floors down.

- Please, you have to save them.

- Steve, come on.

MAN: It was an aftershock!

Move 'em back now!

You know, going through a wall is one thing, but four floors straight down underneath that?

Well, if we're gonna do this, it's now or never, man.

Anybody's got prayer, anything like that CHIN: Haa ka mikioi I ke kai o Lehua.

- Didn't expect that one, did you?

- No.

Actually, that's an old Hawaiian proverb.

What's it mean?

Literally, it's a warning not to undertake what you have not the ability to accomplish.

So, so we're screwed?

- I'm just saying.

- Yeah.

Well, good news is, if things go sideways, you don't got to worry about celebrating that birthday, pal.

- Hey.

- Hey.

You, uh, you know Kono's married, right?

How do you know?

No, before you answer that, what makes you you think I'm thinking about her right now anyway?

Because she's hot and I know the way you think.

- Oh, do you?

- And to answer your first question, she had a wedding ring on her finger.

What's that supposed to mean, huh?

Just 'cause she has a wedding ring on isn't a guarantee she's got a man at home.

She could be separated.

The ring could be stuck on her finger, for all we know.

- Keep dreaming.

- You keep leaving your game at home I like having the dessert table all to myself.

Hey, guys, check it out.

The computer room at the city planning office may be caved in, but the room storing the paper files is still standing.

Uh, yeah, this one right here sub-basement four.

This is where the scientist we rescued said that there were 15 survivors still trapped.

Six hallways, 18 rooms that's over 5,000 square feet.

And they could be anywhere on that level.

If they're still alive.

Well, they're dead for sure if we don't try to find 'em.

Well, I'm not saying we shouldn't try, I'm just saying my manpower's stretched thin as it is.

And search and rescue is a slow, careful process.

Yeah, it is, when you don't know where you're looking.

That's my point: we don't know where we're looking.

Well, not yet.

But, uh, a police radar g*n would help.

Radar g*n?

To find people trapped in a building?

Hey, do yourself a favor, Mr.

Hopkins, just get on the horn, get the radar g*n, okay?

Gonna be the best decision you made all day, trust me.

Anyone got a 20 on a police car?

This clearly isn't the first time you've hacked the firmware on a router.

First time?

No.

Stopped counting when I was 12.

(chuckles)

Glad you're one of the good guys.

With those kind of skills, you could be a very dangerous woman.

Oh, you have no idea.

(Riley laughing)

RILEY: What?

(laughs)

What?

NURSE: Okay, good to go.

Back off, Bruno Mars.

You're not her type.

I hope.

(dog whimpering)

(dog continues whimpering, barking)

(dog whining)

(grunts)

Hey (growls softly)

O it's okay, little dude.

You are a dude, right?

Yup, you're definitely a dude.

Okay, it's okay.

Looks like you've been through some stuff, huh?

- (whimpering)

- Oh, man.

I think your leg is broken.

Uh, don't move.

I got this.

Uh, uh, there's a little dog over here - that's leg is okay.

- Not now.

Clearly not your problem.

Okay.

Don't move.

I got this.

What would Mac do?

(dog continues whimpering)

Stay!

Let's see Uh, hey, give me a hand over here?

- Sure, what's up?

- Come here, right over here.

This dog.

Yeah, just just grab him.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Okay?

Yeah.

- There you go.

Thanks, man.

- Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Think I'm gonna cry.

(whimpers)

I'm definitely gonna cry.

KONO: We have 15 people running out of oxygen under four stories of rubble, and you're gonna do what give 'em a speeding ticket?

Oh, that's funny.

Got a good sense of humor.

NASA recently invented a device that uses low-power microwaves to locate survivors trapped underground.

Now, we don't have one of those, obviously, but with a little rewiring and some custom code from our friends back at base camp we can make build a radar detector that can sense a human heartbeat through 20 feet of concrete.

So, hey, man, what's the deal with your coworker?

You mean my cousin?

Oh, she's your cousin.

Okay.

- Yeah.

- Is she-she married or Yeah, yeah, man, she's, uh, - married, and very happily.

- Oh, okay.

Wow, that's that's amazing.

Now we'll see if it works.

So I get what he does for your think t*nk but, uh, what is it that you do, exactly?

Me?

Oh, I, you know, I'm the big picture kind of behind the scenes guy.

You know.

CHIN: Think t*nk.

Right.

(whirring)

(beeping)

(beeping increases)

Hey, guys, I think I got a survivor.

Hey.

We got a hand.

KONO: Hey, we're gonna get you out of there, okay?

- Just hang on.

- Hey, guys, I think I got another one.

- Go.

We'll dig him out.

- All right.

- Hey, you good?

- MAN: Yeah What's the hair dryer say?

Nothing yet.

- Jack, you see that?

- Yeah, a tactical ladder.

Seems a little strange, doesn't it?

Whoa.

Hey, man, the, uh, first responders are outside.

It's not safe in here.

(grunting)

- What was that?

- (groans)

I don't know, man, but I don't think he's a first responder.

Tac gear, he's got a throat mic.

Hey, Jack, look.

Ooh, that's Chinese special forces right there.

Definitely not part of the relief effort.

What's he doing here?

(indistinct chatter over comm)

Male voices.

Speaking Chinese.

You want me to tell you what they're saying?

My Mandarin's rusty, yours is non-existent.

No, that's debatable now.

- I-I been there.

- Shh!

Shh!

(men talking indistinctly)

Got at least five or six voices.

They're inside the building.

I think they're here to steal something.

What what kind of building is this?

According to my sources, that building you're at is a front.

The DoD calls it Facility H9.

The basement levels house an off-the-books DARPA lab conducting top secret research for the U. S. Government.

So the people trapped inside are all DARPA scientists?

Correct.

Some of America's best and brightest are currently trapped 40 feet underground.

Yeah, except the mercs weren't going down to the labs, - they were going up.

- Okay, so in order to prevent DARPA's top secret projects from getting into the wrong hands, the scientists house them in a vault on the fourth floor.

Normally, it's ultra-secure, but But after a major earthquake with the power out and the city sent into chaos These guys seize the opportunity to steal a pretty dangerous new toy.

- Any idea what they're after?

- No.

DARPA records barely admit that this lab exists, let alone describe the projects that they're working on.

Okay, well, up is a very dangerous direction to be headed right now.

So if these mercs are willing to take on that big a risk, it's gonna be a big reward.

Which means whatever they were after, bad things are gonna happen if they leave this island with it.

Well, then don't let them.

I'm gonna go make some more calls.

If I get information, I will get back to you.

- (phone beeps)

- So, what's the plan?

Split up.

You do know that's what people say in horror movies right before something terrible happens, right?

MacGYVER: Yeah, but she's right.

I mean, we've got two big problems, and both require our immediate attention, so JACK: Okay, well, kicking mercenary ass is where I would be most useful and you're the last chance those scientists are gonna have, so I think this is where you and I go different directions also.

I'll go with Tex.

- Yee-haw.

- Okay, then I'll go with science guy.

- MacGyver, just MacGyver.

- Okay.

I wouldn't mind it, except I think "Science Guy" is already trademarked.

And, actually, I think that we're gonna be able to cover more ground if we both split up and, uh, just stay in radio contact.

- Okay.

- CHIN: It's a good idea.

- We'll do the same.

- Yeah.

And, hey, we're not done talking about this birthday, man.

If you don't die, we're gonna have a lot to celebrate.

- Can't hear you.

- Yeah, you could hear me.

If you're in pain or need medical attention, please move to this side of the tent and a doctor will see you as soon as possible.

And if anybody knows who this dog belongs to, - I'd appreciate the info.

- (dog whimpers)

Don't worry, buddy, we're gonna get you home.

I promise.

Lot of strays on the island, brah.

Little guy might not have an owner.

Here, he looks hungry.

Shrimp always hits the spot.

Even if you're walking on four legs.

Thanks.

I'm Bozer.

Kamekona.

And this shrimp is insanely delicious.

Do you have a restaurant around here?

No, I got a couple of food trucks on Oahu.

I just came to help.

Figured everyone needed a good meal after all of this.

RILEY: Yes!

The ad hoc network is officially up and running.

- What?!

- Yeah.

Couldn't have done it without you.

(laughing): All right, yeah.

Girl troubles?

The girl isn't the trouble.

She's amazing.

It's that annoying dude hanging around her, being all tall and handsome and muscley.

I don't know, brah, she doesn't seem to think - he's so annoying.

- BOZER: Oh, she does.

When she laughs at his jokes, she's just being polite.

Your situation reminds me of an old Hawaiian proverb: Ka hee o kai uli, ka pae ka alaala.

That's beautiful.

What's it mean?

The squid from the deep blue sea has a peculiar bunch.

Thanks?

(chuckles)

But you're so not helping.

You sure about that, brah?

I did put a smile on your face.

(laughs)

Yeah, you did.

What about a beach-themed birthday party, you know what I mean?

Volleyball, barbecue, big-ass bonfire?

Who doesn't love a big fire, right?

You know what?

I'm the wrong guy to ask.

I had to leave my last birthday party early.

Oh, yeah?

Why's that?

Well, actually, my niece was kidnapped.

Really?

That would make me leave my birthday party early, too.

- She okay?

- Uh, you know what?

She's good.

Actually, she's perfect.

So, I bet her next birthday bash you're gonna do it up right, huh?

Oh, yeah.

We're pulling out all the stops.

We're talking balloons, Moana impersonator, the works.

That's what I'm talking about, celebrate life, you know?

Gather some rose petals, you know what I mean?

Pretty sure you mean rosebuds, but I get what you mean.

So how come your friend doesn't like birthdays?

I-I don't know, something about Mars.

See, the kid's problem is, he thinks too much.

That's why I'm here.

To make him think less?

Sorta.

And to keep him from getting himself sh*t.

And to make sure he doesn't miss the forest for the trees.

You know?

It seems to me like he's lucky to have you.

I keep telling him that.

(metal creaks, glass shatters)

So, your husband make it through the quake okay?

Oh, yeah.

He's fine.

We live in Honolulu and Oahu was mostly unaffected.

That's good.

How long you been married?

Going on two years.

Congrats.

How'd you meet?

I I arrested his father.

I guess you never know where you're gonna find the right person.

(chuckles)

Yeah, we're a regular rom-com.

What about you?

Is there a Mrs.

Makes-Stuff-Out-Of-Other-Stuff?

(chuckles)

No.

I thought I'd met the right girl, but then she betrayed her country and tried to k*ll me.

- Okay.

- Then that turned out to be a cover.

It's it's complicated.

Ugh.

I know the feeling.

(indistinct chatter)

BOZER: Good boy.

Now just look at me.

No, no, no.

Stay right there.

Don't look at that guy.

No, no, no.

Okay, we're gonna try this again.

We're gonna try this again, it's all good.

Just look at me.

No, no, at me.

Look at, you got to look at me.

At, uh, no.

Not over there, not at that guy.

Okay, if you c You could always dangle a treat in front the camera.

That'll get his attention.

- All right.

- Yeah.

All right.

All right.

- (chuckles)

Hey, hey.

- RILEY: Yeah.

See?

Definitely Insta-worthy.

Cute dog.

Who's he belong to?

Nobody knows.

Which is why I'm taking his picture.

Thought I'd put it up on the missing persons site.

So, uh how's it going over there with Mr. I. T. ?

Good.

It's nice talking to somebody who knows the difference between MINT and UBUNTU, you know?

Fresh breath is important.

Those are operating systems.

I knew that.

You know, if you can't find the owner, you could always give the dog to Mac as a birthday present.

Sad to say that even this fluffy little face couldn't get Mac to break his birthday boycott.

What's his deal?

Mac loves a good party.

Why is he so anti-birthday?

(scoffs)

Okay.

Mac doesn't like to talk about it, all right?

But he wasn't always anti-birthday.

He used to love his birthday.

Then he turned ten.

His mom had passed away, and his dad was away on a business trip, so his grandfather was throwing the party.

And Mac was actually having fun.

He was convinced that his dad was gonna come home and surprise him with some amazing gift.

But after the cake was eaten and the presents were opened Mac's grandfather had to sit him down and tell him that his dad wasn't on a business trip.

He left and he wasn't coming back.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Kinda hard to celebrate after that.

(beeping increases)

Multiple distinct hits on the other side.

- I-I think I found them.

- Okay.

I'm on my way.

Yeah, well, take your time.

I'm looking at a wall of concrete and steel beams.

I don't suppose you know how to make a jackhammer.

I mean, I do but for that I'd need a lawnmower engine, and a t*nk of compressed gas.

Uh, I was, uh, I was just kinda kidding.

expl*sives are just as risky.

Guess I'm just gonna have to find a way to raise these giant beams.

Uh how?

Don't know.

Still haven't figured that one out, yet.

(drill whirring)

(clattering)

Hey, I got mercs.

They're in the vault.

How are they gonna get in?

The power's out.

Yeah?

Well, trust me.

That's not stopping them.

(generator engine starts up)

- (grunting)

- (alarm beeping)

(whirring, door opens)

Oh, man.

They have a hostage.

That ain't good.

I'm on my way.

(men speaking Chinese)

JACK: Hey, fellas.

How's it going?

Everything cool?

Yeah, don't touch that, little man.

It's a bad health choice.

Now, I really, really, really want to do this the easy way.

I'm a pretty cool guy.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, no, no.

Now listen.

We're all gonna have to drop our g*ns.

We're gonna have to let the hostage go.

And we're gonna have to come to an agreement that you're all under arrest.

(squeaking)


(breathing heavily): Okay.

I'm going in.

(rapid g*nf*re)

Whoa.

Aftershock!

Hey!

I'm through, but the wall just collapsed.

(excited, nervous chatter)

Help!

(screams)

Help me!

Help me!

(indistinct chatter)

Hi.

I'm, uh I'm here to save you?

- Please, help me.

Help me.

- The rope!

- Grab it!

- (groans)

I can't, I can't.

- Yes, you can!

- I can't.

I can't!

Okay, hang on.

- Where are you going?

- Don't worry, big daddy.

I'm coming to get you.

Kono.

I-I-I'm here.

I'm good.

How are you?

The scientists?

Yeah.

We are, uh, we're good.

All things considered.

Uh I don't think I can get through.

The aftershock shifted things.

There's no telling when another might hit, so find your way to the surface.

We'll, uh, we'll find our way up.

All right, a hui hou, MacGyver.

God, it's gorgeous out here.

Won't be so gorgeous if you fall 40 feet and slam into the pavement.

(crying): Help me.

Please.

You're okay, you're okay.

I'm right here.

(crying)

I can't do it, I can't do it.

(groans)

I got you.

I got you, I got you.

Okay, how is everybody doing?

Fine I guess.

But we'd be a lot better if we knew how we were getting out of here, so your way in Was a bit of a one-way ticket.

Don't worry.

I'm good at finding my way out of tight spots.

You don't think we've already tried everything?

I mean, you're looking at 15 PhDs.

I know.

You work for DARPA.

What are you gonna think of that we didn't already try?

I don't know.

I haven't thought of it yet.

- Lab's this way, yeah?

- Yeah.

JACK: So can you, uh, can you tell if anything's missing?

All of my work's still here.

But I just head one department.

I don't know what else was being kept here.

Okay, so either they left here empty-handed, or they knew exactly what they wanted and grabbed that.

MacGYVER: Plenty of chemicals, but we can't risk blasting our way out.

Any chance your air ducts are 12 inches wide.

Not even a child could fit through them.

We tried already.

- There's an elevator.

- EMILY: An elevator shaft.

Power's out.

There's no way to call the car.

Ah.

Good news.

The car is below us.

Don't see how that's good news.

Well, 'cause if it was above us, then my plan wouldn't work.

You have a plan?

I have half of one, which is pretty good for me.

This is an ascender rig.

We'll lash these wires to the elevator lift cables, and we'll go up one at a time.

It'll be just like rock climbing.

(quietly): Except greasier, darker, and our lives depend on it.

So who's first?

I've done a few climbs at Kilauea Iki.

I can tie us off at the top.

That's perfect.

When you get to the lobby floor, pry the doors open just like I did, - then yell down.

- (phone rings)

I guess Riley got the cell network up.

Hi, Mac.

Glad to see you didn't get crushed by the building.

And I'm glad to see you haven't fallen off of it.

Oh, I tried.

So did you find the other scientists?

Yeah, we're heading up the elevator up now kind of.

Did you turn a desk lamp into a hover board or something?

You know what?

D-Don't answer that.

Just hand me the highest-ranking scientist you got there for a tic, will ya?

Emily Gutierrez, Project Manager.

- How can I help?

- Hi, Emily.

We're gonna play a little game, okay?

It's called "Tell Jack What's Missing.

" You got it?

Uh everything looks like where it's supposed to b - Oh, God.

- What?

Project 23.

- It's gone.

- (sighs)

It's a "smart b*llet," next generation in amm*nit*on.

The scientist who designed these b*ll*ts said that they are laser-guided, they can change course mid-flight, and that they have over 99% accuracy.

I read a DoD brief on these they're supposed to turn even a first-time sh**t into an expert marksman.

And now these mercenaries have the prototype.

Actually, they have a box of 20 prototypes, and they only need one to back-engineer the technology and create an endless supply.

So if we don't get these prototypes back, we're facing an army of sn*pers that never miss?

Man, I don't like anything about this.

I don't like quakes, I don't like mercs, and I damn sure don't like no magic b*ll*ts.

Yeah, well, we got to stop them - from getting this a*mo off the island.

- It's not gonna be easy, Mac the city's in chaos, and most of the roads are shut down, man, and these mercs have a big head start.

MATTY: Then I guess you guys better get your asses in gear.

Okay.

Yes, ma'am.

MacGYVER: Okay, Riley, you got the bird's-eye view.

What do you see?

Uh, not including you guys, I got nine vehicles in motion near Hilo.

Five are FEMA, three are police, one's an unmarked panel van headed east.

Ding-ding, we got ourselves a winner.

That's got to be the mercs right there.

Looks like they're heading for the beach.

And they got a speedboat waiting for them.

Guys, you better hurry you have vog rolling in.

Vog?

Is that a "video blog"?

No.

It's like smog from a volcano.

- Oh, that's cool.

- No, it's not 'cause if the mercs make it off the Island, it'll be nearly impossible to track them using even satellites.

That-that's not cool.

How far ahead are they, Riley?

A lot.

But the road they're on is washed out, which is slowing them down.

I found a shortcut that could help you guys catch up.

- Take your next left.

- Yeah, I see it.

And go faster.

Much faster.

(man shouts in Chinese)

(speaking Chinese)

Cover!

Cover!

(distorted whooshing)

KONO: Get down!

MacGYVER: Hey.

You all right?

KONO: My vest stopped it.

Hey, thanks.

I owe you one.

They still got 19 b*ll*ts left.

You might have a chance to pay her back.

Yeah, with that kind of accuracy, odds are the next one's gonna be a headshot.

So you better think of something, Mac.

Right now.

- Let's go, baby.

- Chin, the laser sight on your g*n, - could I borrow it?

- Just the sight, not the g*n?

I've never been a big fan of g*ns, but I love lasers.

- All right.

- JACK: Hurry up, Mac.

I'm running out of lead, here.

Lasers are stronger than we want them to be, so in order to limit their output, manufacturers add a potentiometer.

If I can burn that out There goes my warranty.

(sighs)

Well, yes, but we get - You get a stronger laser.

- Exactly.

And if those DARPA b*ll*ts follow the biggest beam JACK: And to trick it into hitting something that ain't us.

I love it outsmarting robo-b*ll*ts.

Let's do it, baby.

Come on, go.

For the plan to work, I need the sn*per to take a sh*t at us.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to bait that sn*per into sh**ting at me.

What?

Well, hey, come on, I'll do it.

- Bait's my middle name.

Let's go.

- No.

It's gonna be me.

- You can aim better than I can.

- Yeah, but, Mac I don't even know if this plan's gonna work.

Sorry.

Go!

(distorted whooshing)

(grunting)

(MacGyver grunting)

(Jack whoops)

Aloha, you bastards!

(chuckles)

Well, that-that does mean good-bye, right?

(man groaning)

JACK: I wasn't asking you.

Shut up.

KONO: So, it's official.

All rescue teams reported in.

Hilo's been cleared.

- Lots of injuries with zero fatalities.

- Nice.

So you guys can head home knowing you helped save a lot of people's lives.

So, where is this, uh, Phoenix Foundation anyway?

- Los Angeles.

- No, no, no.

I need an exact address.

I want to know where to send the bill for this laser sight.

You know, I actually could fix this with a couple resistors and some chewing gum.

- Oh, here we go.

(chuckles)

- Uh-huh.

CHEN: Why did I ask?

But you do have us looking at things a new way, MacGyver.

Hey, must be going around, 'cause you guys got me doing the same.

JACK: Me, too.

And, hey, do me a favor next time you see McGarrett, tell him he's a wimpy little water baby.

Gladly.

You really want us to tell him that?

Seriously.

Deltas and SEALs have this longstanding rivalry.

You know what?

I'll tell him myself.

Besides, you guys already know what a big crybaby he is, right?

(both laughing)

You do know.

Hey.

- You're a good man.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Nice meeting you.

- Thank you.

- Really.

- Yeah.

- We should hug.

- Jack.

- CHEN: Aloha.

- Pleasure.

- Nice to meet you.

- Take care.

Oh, hey I want that back.

You got it.

(chuckles)

(groans)

(both sigh)

Ooh.

You know, the world's a little bit brighter place with those two in it.

(sighs)

Sure is.

And, you know I've been thinking.

Uh-oh.

After talking to Kono and letting a sn*per sh**t a laser-guided super b*llet at my face, that maybe you're right.

- I'm sorry, may-maybe I'm what?

- You're right.

Ah, there it is my favorite two words.

Ah.

I know I'm gonna regret this, but I think you should throw me a birthday party.

(laughing): Oh, yes.

There it is.

- Nothing too drastic, though.

- No, no, no.

It'll-it'll be classy, dignified and intimate.

Isn't that what you were gonna name your autobiography?

It still is, it's also the way I'll describe your birthday party.

Happy birthday, buddy.

Thanks.

You know, I'd say I love you, but I don't do that stuff.

Yeah, I know you don't, Jack.

("Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa playing)

RILEY: Nice party mix, Jack.

BOZER: Next time, I deejay.

Great party, Mac.

- Glad you let Jack talk you into it.

- Thanks.

And don't (chuckles)

don't give him too much credit.

The earthquake had a lot to do with it.

Mm.

Happy birthday, man.

(metallic clattering)

(clatters)

What is it?

A bunch of metal doodads I found at a yard sale.

(chuckles)

Yeah, looked like something you'd want for - something.

- No, I probably will use 'em.

You still bummed about having to leave the dog behind?

Nah.

I'm thrilled we found his owner.

You know, I wasn't planning on keeping him, naming him Chewbacca, buying him a bunch of toys and sweaters, letting him sleep next to me in bed, building a life with my adorable little Wookie pal.

I mean, that that would just be silly.

I'm sorry you lost your dog, Bozer.

Yeah, but at least the owner promised to let me video chat with him regularly.

(phone chimes)

BOZER: All right.

Hold up.

The dude already has your number?

You gave him all ten digits at the same time?

I mean, we scratch-built an ad hoc phone network and had to test it by making calls.

Besides, he's a nice guy.

If I'm being honest - it's not the dog I'm upset about.

- (chuckles softly)

I know, pal.

I know.

Hey, there she is.

Come here for a second.

Matty, I got you a little something.

What is it?

Yeah, it's a, uh, souvenir from Hawaii.

You want?

- Um - Of course you do.

Ta-da.

MATTY: Coconut bra?

Seriously?

Do I need to remind you where the HR offices are?

KAMEKONA: All right.

Who's ready for some of my world-famous shrimp?

How 'bout you, boss lady?

You're a little far from home, aren't you?

Well, actually, Mr.

Dalton, he promised me an exclusive contract at your workplace if I catered for Mac's birthday.

Oh, he did?

You cheap bastard.

- She loves me.

- It's getting cold.

Here you go, try a piece, you won't regret it.

Here you go, get in there.

Sorry.

Sor Yeah, get in there.

MATTY: Okay, that's the most delicious thing I've ever tasted.

(bottle clinks)

Everybody, a little announcement.

Thanks for comin'.

Uh, we know how weird Mac is about birthdays.

Then again, he's a little weird about everything.

So, instead of celebrating him with the same old song - Riley, Bozer, hit it.

- (playing "Whatta Man")

Yeah Happy birthday!

- Happy birthday!

- (chuckles)

Ah, yeah.

(all cheering)

Happy birthday, man.

- Happy birthday, buddy.

- Thanks, man.

What a man, what a man, what a man What a mighty good man.
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