02x05 - Hella Shook

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Insecure". Aired October 2016 - current.*
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"Insecure" follows the awkward experiences and racy tribulations of a modern-day African-American woman. Partially based on Issa Rae's web series "Awkward Black Girl".
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02x05 - Hella Shook

Post by bunniefuu »

[music playing.]

- [horn honking.]

- [woman vocalizing.]

All my life, I had to grind and hustle - I had to work like Kobe - [car beeping.]

Just to shine like Russell Aw, sh*t.

They say, "Glad you made it happen overnight" They say, "Damn, you changed" I'm like, "Show you right" n*gga, I be in the crib, tryin' to find the BPM Rehearsing for the next show in my kitchen Fresh off a tour, but can't tell you where I been - Daniel: Yeah?

- Special delivery, sir.

Mmm, leave it on the stoop.

You have to sign for it.

It's a package for your package.

Handle with care.

Or not.

[giggles.]

I got a g*n.

It's Issa!

[chuckles.]

[both chuckle.]

Come here.

You was really gonna sh**t me?

This is just my every day, this is just my every day So just follow up with Sharon.

She's our senior associate who covers that area.

Wait, which one is Sharon again?

We just walked past her office.

She had on a tan suit.

Look like T-Boz.

The one that was reading "Think Like a Man"?

- [laughs.]

- There's really a lot of us here.

Look, I don't know how you do it.

I mean, the LA office remind me of why I went to Howard.

It reminds me of why that Solange album stays on repeat in my car.

So, um, did you tell them that you know the white boy make more than you?

You know I can't say anything.

Hey, look.

- You ever think about leaving?

- Leaving?

You know MJ&S is not the only good firm.

You need to just get out of LA and move to a city with a real football team.

Okay, calm down.

The Bears suck, so.

Okay, you just got the Rams.

[both laugh.]

Plus, I've already been there for four years.

I'm not about to just let that time go to waste.

Look, Molly, all I'm saying is you have options.

You bring a lot to the table if it's at MJ&S or somewhere else.

I really do appreciate you saying that.

Well, appreciate it by bringing me some Roscoe's next time you come.

So I can be the black girl on a plane with fried chicken?

Nope.

Come on, now.

You ain't gonna feed a brother?

I done gave you some advice.

I'm slim thick.

You gotta feed me.

- [laughing.]

- I got a pastor's body.

Don't laugh.

Massa, why you let 'Nessa shave you this morning?

Oh, Ninny she only trimmed the tree.

I'll let you tend the bush.

Ooh, 'Nessa about to get got, messing with Ninny's man.

This show is so stupid.

- Oh, you leaving?

- Yeah, I was just about to head out.

[sighs.]

- Mmm.

- Oh.

You got plans tomorrow night?

I don't know.

Do you?

Maybe.

Tsk, you ain't got no plans.

[both laugh.]

[clears throat.]

- Where you going?

- About to go to Brolly Hut.

So, you're just gonna get pastrami tacos without me?

n*gg*s ain't sh*t.

[chuckles.]

We're not.

[laughs.]

[panting.]

Yo, so, nobody's heard from Gary?

Last thing I heard, he was yelling, "Slow down, you fuckers!"

- You calling him?

- No.

I gotta check and see if I have jury duty in the morning.

Man, jury duty's the f*cking worst.

You got called, huh?

Aw, you're gonna miss Colin and me pitching your app tomorrow.

Oh, sitting in a courtroom all day or listening to Colin talk for 10 minutes straight Not sure what's worse.

- [panting.]

- Aparna: Oh, looky here.

- f*ck this f*cking marathon.

- [all laughing.]

- Brooke: Gar-bear!

- Aparna: Oh, Gary!

Cheese.

- Gary: Cheese.

- [camera clicks.]

Girl, I found us a b*mb-ass hotel in Morocco to stay at.

Palais Faraj.

That's French for "palace," bitch.

Okay, well, I will be staying at the Motel "See," and that's French for "I'm broke as f*ck," bitch.

Tsk, can you hand me the birds of paradise, please?

I wanna add them to these roses.

- This is a big-ass bouquet.

- I know.

My dad has been so f*cking extra with this vow renewal.

Talking about some "I want it to look like an ocean of flowers.

" He lucky I don't drown these shits.

I love your parents.

They're so cute.

- You sure you don't wanna come?

- No, girl.

I told you, I got this f*ck-ass work retreat.

[phone buzzes.]

- Who's that?

- Huh?

Oh, just Daniel.

Oh, y'all cool now?

Wait, what'd you call him?

The zit you had to pop?

Wait, or was it a rash you had to put ointment on?

You know what?

We're fine, okay?

Daniel and I have history and we always bounce back.

Oh, so y'all can just be cool without catching feelings?

- Yeah, we're friends who f*ck.

- M'kay.

Daniel knows what it is.

Plus I told you, I'm not about this feeling sh*t right now.

Listen, if you like it, I love it.

- Get yours.

- Oh, I sure the f*ck will.

Because I am all about what?

Putting n*gg*s in my "hotation.

" Oh, oh, we got We got a hotation?

- Listen, I got Daniel.

- Okay.

- I got neighbor bae.

- What?

And I'm about to add a new one tonight.

- He Latino?

- Sí, bitch!

[trilling, laughs.]

That was really r*cist.

Narrator on TV: What's the first thing you think of when you hear the words "jury duty"?

- Is it finding an excuse not to serve?

- [phone buzzes.]

It's time to take a fresh look at jury service, and see why there's no justice without you.

It all starts with the selection process where jurors are chosen.

Today I wanna talk to you about the world's hottest pepper The Carolina Reaper.

[laughing, crunches.]

Mmm f*ck!

- What is wrong with her?

- Kelli: Oh, God!

Would the following jurors please report to courtroom 65?

Javier Alvarado, Francis Butler, Rodrigo Fuentes, Edwin Gordon, Karen James, Joseph Lin, Rachel Simmons, Lawrence Walker, and Thomas Williams.

Just a reminder, I am still looking to name a Director of Student Outreach for We Got Y'all.

And don't forget tomorrow's retreat will begin promptly at 9:00 a.

m.

So, we're coming to work on a Saturday for free?

And also, we will be partnering with Inner-City Arts to give opportunities to students who have an interest in the arts.

So, everyone, think about which of your kids would be a good fit.

God, arts education is so important for kids like these.

- Especially in this climate.

- Betsy DeVos.

Joanne: And with the state of things in this country, people seem to not be hearing each other.

I bet you she's gonna say "now more than ever.

" unity are vital to our mission now more than ever.

[bubbling.]

Hey, can we talk?

Honestly, I don't know what to say.

Well, clearly you're upset about something, so you know you can just talk to me.

I still feel weird about just going along with Gaines.

[scoffs.]

Still?

I was just trying to make the best out of the situation.

It seemed like you were trying to help yourself more than Do you know how many r*cist-ass Gaines types there are out there?

And, truthfully, black people can't really be r*cist like that, so.

Yes, they can.

Racism is about having the power to manipulate a situation against someone.

Oh, so you're just gonna be literal?

- Yes.

- It must be nice to have the privilege to choose to be upset over this.

So, you're saying I can never call out when someone of color's doing something wrong?

- Kinda.

- That's not fair.

- Well, that's the world we live in.

- Maybe it is.

I just expected more from you.

[bubbling continues.]

I would leave, but I literally just filled up the water.

Yo, yo.

What you doing here so early?

Came up last night to hang with the parents.

Oh, okay.

I see.

So, we just out here wearing tight T-shirts now?

Okay, well, I mean, if people out here noticing, then, yeah.

Man, your pops still didn't fix that gate, huh?

[both laugh.]

Used to wake up the whole block when you missed curfew.

Man, my dad ain't fixing that gate.

- It's the only alarm we got.

- [both laugh.]

Well, I wanted to catch you before tomorrow, make sure we all cool and Yeah, we good.

I know I dropped a lot on you at Kiss-n-Grind, so.

It kind of was, but we were both pretty drunk.

I wasn't that drunk.

You never thought about us like that?

I mean, yeah, when you had your colored contacts in.

I was like, "Okay.

" But then you took them out and I was like, "Nah.

" Don't do that.

Yeah, I've thought about it.

I've been thinking about you, but you're married.

So, open or not, that's just not how I see my life.

Okay, yeah.

No, I get it.

Look, well, just know we will always be good.

- No matter what.

- Good.

Tomorrow should be fun.

So, get ready, 'cause I am going to wear my tight suit.

Oh, okay.

Is it gonna be tighter than this shirt?

- Bam!

- Okay Your Honor, I have just a few more questions for Juror 9.

Judge: Okay, proceed.

Juror 9, have you ever testified in any court proceeding?

- No.

- Do you harbor any bias towards the Los Angeles Police Department?

Actually Not buying it.

Attorney: Your Honor, the defense would like to dismiss Juror 3.

Judge: Juror 3, you're dismissed.

Juror 3.

While you're still young!

Y'all are really going all out for this, huh?

Oh, please, I got these champagne glasses from the little Mexican dollar store.

They're probably full of lead.

Besides, I'm saving for somebody's wedding.

[tsks, groans.]

You know, Costco is selling atriums now.

Cee-Cee, Molly is too special to settle for the first little ashy boy who wants to put a ring on it.

Thank you, Daddy.

- Ooh.

- Okay.

Now, don't start nothing you can't finish.

- Oh, yuck, please stop.

- [parents laughing.]

- Hey.

- Oh, come on, now.

Red cups?

What you think this is, Freaknik?

[laughs.]

What's up, Mo?

- What's up, Big Head?

- Hey, Curtis.

Hey, Ugly.

Hey, I thought you said those were yours.

- Yeah, they are.

- You ain't never gave us one.

- Ah - Mmm.

You gonna drink it in front of my face?

- I can't stand you.

- Wait, it took two of you to pick that up?

- You know Jerome don't drive.

- Man, I don't need to.

Michelle drive.

I don't even understand how your scrub-ass self gets b*tches.

Like this.

[snaps fingers.]

- Stupid, man - Mm-mm.

I'm done.

Baby, I want some of your love Your love, your love, your love Baby, can I have some of your Your love, your love?

Come through, Tinder.

Come through.

Hi.

Nico?

- Issa?

- Hi.

Uh So, uh, what are we drinking?

Well, this place is known for their martinis.

I heard that they infuse a lot of their gins.

f*ck gin.

I want the horchata.

Easy on the chata, heavy on the whore.

- You pick.

- Don't worry, you're in good hands.

Are you good with your hands?

Or are you better with your d*ck?

Yeah, to be honest, I'm not really much of a martini guy.

I was only trying to impress.

Well, I bought it, so I'm clearly easy.

To to impress.

Well, now that we're throwing the cards on the table, I should tell you that I caught that Spider-Man reference in your profile.

- Marvel, huh?

- All day.

See, the thing is I'm a DC guy.

- What?!

- Oh, come on.

Superman beats Spider-Man.

I mean, Superman's dog beats Spider-Man.

You know what?

I should go.

Actually, you should.

Okay, here, hold on.

Excuse me, drink, please?

[phone buzzes.]

Nicely poured.

- For you.

- Thank you.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- [music playing.]

- I love it.

[both laugh.]

You guys doing okay, or?

Uh, did you want anything else?

No, I'm good, thank you.

I think we're good.

Thank you.

Oh.

If you're gonna go for it, you've gotta commit to it.

- What?

I did.

- Uh-huh.

Next time, don't stop until I say, "I got it.

" Noted.

- Well, thank you.

- You're very welcome.

Wow, it's almost midnight.

- Time just flew by.

- Yeah.

But I'm not tired.

So, if you want, we could keep hanging out.

I wish.

I have to get up super early.

I have a flight in the morning, so.

Oh, okay.

But, hey, this is an excuse for us to do this again.

- Okay.

- [chuckles.]

only then can we truly achieve empathy.

Let's practice how we listen to students experiencing personal challenges.

Those skills would be especially important for whomever I name as our new Director of Student Outreach.

Issa, Frieda, Kitty, Ken, please come up.

- Why don't you go first?

- Okay.

"A student who was formerly engaged" is now talking back and missing assignments.

"What are some possible underlying causes?" Um, mm.

Okay, so, my first thought might be has something in their home life changed?

Okay, I'd wanna know if any of their parents are affiliated with any organizations.

I mean, we're all thinking dr*gs, right?

Are they old enough to get pregnant?

Because they're probably pregnant.

Maybe instead of assuming, we should just ask them what the hell is going on.

Sorry.

No, it's the retreat.

Honestly, sometimes it's more than one thing.

And these are kids.

Even adults can have a hard time being honest with themselves about things.

I agree with Frieda.

We're mining a deep vein, here.

Let's keep digging.

Everyone, pair up, pick a card from the bowl.

- Kitty: You wanna partner?

- Ken: Yeah.

Kitty: Okay, all right.

Uh, you wanna be my partner?

Oh, we're really doing this?

Yeah, we're doing it.

Sit up.

Up.

- Patricia: You can do it.

- Frieda: Thank you.

Hey, Sarah, do you wanna partner up?

[chatter.]

- Sure.

- Frieda: Okay, you learn that a student is scared of going for his dreams.

Well, that's stupid.

Dreams aren't meant to be achieved.

That's why they're called dreams.

Otherwise, they'd be called reality, so.

They might as well learn that sooner rather than later.

- That's kind of dark, Patricia.

- It's true.

- These are beautiful, Mom.

- Thank you.

I got the champagne from the fridge.

See something, do something, right?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

- Your parents are kind of great.

- [chuckles.]

Yeah, they are.

- Man: Molly!

- Ah, Mr.

and Mrs.

Peña.

- Ven.

Mwah!

- Oh, mwah!

- So good.

- Thank you.

I was just asking my parents if they ever thought about renewing their wedding vows.

Mrs.

Peña: On that note, we're gonna go find your parents.

- Come on, Papi.

- Sí, sí.

- Sí, Mami.

- Hola.

Oh, uh, Dro, this is Lionel.

Lionel, Dro.

- Pleasure.

- How you doing, Dro?

- Good, good.

- Dro and I grew up together.

Yeah, my parents' house is right across the street there.

- Okay.

- You two work together?

- Uh, no.

- No.

We met out.

Yeah, Lionel's a mortgage broker.

Marketing consultant.

- You are a - Both: Marketing consultant.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

So, where's Candice?

- Bachelorette party in Cabo.

- Jerome: Dro!

Little bruv.

- Hi!

- What's up?

That dude is tall.

Is he?

- [music playing.]

- Nah, man, I didn't know.

So, Tiffany hasn't said anything about Issa and Daniel?

After what happened with the whole Tasha thing, Tiff and I had to stop discussing y'all because we'd always end up taking sides.

It'd get real, bro.

I just can't believe Issa is still out here seeing this dude.

Yeah, man, I feel you.

Yo, and now I'm like was she playing me the whole time we were together?

Women are slick about hiding their dirt.

- Iss, slick?

- Yeah.


You've seen her dance, right?

Or just, like, live?

That's exactly why you wouldn't expect it.

'Cause they don't seem like the type.

I mean, how you know that Tiffany isn't out there just - Come on.

- I'm just saying.

All right, I thought Issa and I were in it together, but she was out there doing whatever.

Honestly, this ain't all on Issa.

What?

I mean, you spent two years unemployed, not doing sh*t, letting your woman take care of you.

Kind of left the door open.

So, what?

That gives her the right to f*ck some other dude?

No, but I can see why she'd be attracted to a guy who's out there, making things happen.

Hey, can we get two more?

I appreciate it.

[chatter.]

- Curtis: So, is that you?

- Molly: Yeah.

We went out a couple weeks ago and I decided to give him another sh*t.

Oh, so it's a pity date.

- He went to Penn.

- He went to Penn?

- He has a good job.

- Most n*gg*s should.

He's ready to settle down.

You know what?

I figure if I'm ever gonna have what Mom and Dad have, I might as well just Okay, look.

Just because you meet some good guy don't mean it's gonna end up like Mom and Dad.

Ain't no rule books to this sh*t.

You're just saying that because you married a stripper.

No, I love Kim.

She trapped me, but I love her.

I'm just being real.

If you ain't feeling this n*gga, then why you with him?

Jerome: Yo, Curtis, Curtis.

I'm gonna k*ll your f*cking brother.

- Curtis.

- What, n*gga?

Damn!

- Jerome: You gonna try to get a drink?

- Curtis: No, n*gga, I'm not.

- Jerome: Try the berry one?

- Curtis: No!

[sighs.]

[phone buzzing.]

- Hey.

- Hey.

Remember when we were kids and that white girl Amanda Johnson - Samantha Bronson.

- Her.

Remember how she swore up and down that there was a sex scene at the end of "Aladdin" and I knew there wasn't because I had fast-forwarded to the end of the tape and knew she was wrong?

Why are we talking about "Aladdin" and little white girls?

Because I was right then and I'm right now.

My self-righteous-ass coworker is acting like I'm leaving out all the Latino kids on purpose.

Why you leaving out all Latino kids?

- Didn't nobody say "all.

" - You literally just said "all.

" I know what I said, and I didn't say "all.

" You can never admit when you're wrong.

Never say never, n*gga!

How about that?

Stupid-ass.

[phone buzzes.]

- [sighs.]

- [phone buzzes.]

Oh, yeah?

How bored?

Send me a video, baby.

Oh, just screening for cancer.

Gross.

- [music playing.]

- Molly, come here.

- I'll see you there.

Yep.

- Yeah.

- Hey, Aunt Janice.

- That's your Great-Aunt Janice.

Don't act like we're the same age.

- Hey, Aunt Kiki, Cousin Mary.

- Hey, baby.

So, brought you a man this time.

- Dark and lovely.

- Oh.

Girl, if I was 20 years younger Not today.

Today is about David and Carol.

35 years.

- Amazing.

- Mm-hmm!

I didn't think they were gonna make it to 5, let alone 35.

What he put my sister through?

Let's go.

Kiki, come on.

- Kiki: What was that wench's name again?

- Janice: Kiki.

What?

Now we in the same spot Right there, wetter than a raindrop - [horn honks.]

- Why you gotta beep?

[phone buzzes.]

Oh!

What the?

sh*t!

f*ck!

- Back, back, back, back - [sighs.]

Yo neck and yo back, back, back, back, unh [laughter, chatter.]

- So, is it true?

- [sighs.]

Molly.

- Dad cheated on Mom?

- They worked through it.

They worked through it?

What the f*ck does that even?

So, Mom knew, and she's cool with it?

- Molly, calm down.

- f*ck that!

f*ck this ceremony.

- f*ck all this fake-ass sh*t.

- Mom: Molly!

- Lower your voice, please.

- Molly, what How could you cheat on Mom?

Oh, Molly, listen.

It was a long time ago.

Why would you stay?

Molly, he made a mistake.

- Listen, honey - No, no.

I can't.

- Honey - No.

[sighs.]

Hey, you all right?

I got it, I got it.

- Cool, 'cause Aunt Kiki - Oh, f*ck!

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

- Hey, are you okay?

- No!

Come here, come here.

Oh, damn, that's real bad.

sh*t!

[sighs.]

[music playing.]

- [phone buzzing.]

- [music turns off.]

- Iss.

- Hey.

So, I'm not gonna make it tonight.

I got into a stupid car accident.

- sh*t, you okay?

- My car is f*cked.

- But you're not hurt, though, right?

- No, I'll be all right.

I just didn't want you to think I ghosted.

All right, I'ma come pick you up.

No, you don't have to do all that.

I can just ride in the tow truck.

I think the driver has a Yaki ponytail, so maybe I'm not his type.

- Come on, where you at?

- 60th and West.

All right, I'm on my way.

Okay.

[vocalizing.]

Yeah Stop tripping, girl, you know me I'm your homie, don't cut it off We done said it all and we done it all I want it all for myself Sorry if I'm coming off insecure Ooh, oh, yeah, yeah Why you gotta be so insecure?

Yeah I never would have thought in a million years that my dad could [sucks teeth.]

Sorry.

He wasn't supposed to do something like that.

I'm sure he feels terrible, though.

Good.

He should feel terrible.

Why are you even defending him?

I'm not.

I'm on your side.

I'm just trying to Man, I just feel so f*cking stupid.

Here I am, trying to find a n*gga like my dad, thinking that my parents' marriage is "the thing.

" All the while, their whole sh*t is f*cked up, too.

That doesn't make you stupid.

- Tsk.

- It doesn't.

You're just trying to find someone who loves you and makes you happy.

You should.

- Yo.

- Thank you so much.

- What happened?

- I was driving and then - Just - Come here.

It's all good.

You know I got you.

We're cool, right?

Yeah.

Why?

I'm just really glad we reconnected, but I know I'm out there and you're out there, and we're both seeing other people, right?

Yeah.

Cool, 'cause, like, last time, I wasn't as up front about everything and I do not want to do that again this time.

No, I get it.

Thank you.

'Cause, you know, I just wanna be on the same page from the beginning.

- Okay.

Cool.

- Cool.

Okay.

- You got?

Okay.

- Yeah.

Sorry about before.

- I didn't mean to yell at you.

- No, I I know.

How you gonna get home?

I'll call Lyft or whatever.

All right.

I'll live inside of you To find what you're looking for

- Swallow me

- [panting.]

[Molly moans.]

Tell me about it Swallow me Tell me about it

[vocalizing.]

- It all - Swallow me Tell me about it Swallow me Tell me about it Our love is supposed to be Oh, tell me about it

- Open up so slowly

- Oh [vocalizing.]

Swallow me Our love is supposed to be
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