01x13 - Family Singing Contest

No, it's called the East Sea.

It's the Sea of Japan.

Japan pay atlas to say that.

So Japan paid every atlas in the entire world?

Korea used to be spell C-O-R-E-A.

Then Japan tell England, Korea is spell with a 'K' so that Korea come after Japan in the English dictionary.

That's your most messed up conspiracy theory yet.

Not conspiracy theory, conspiracy truth.

Hey, you guys got those, uh, little batteries for watches?

Yeah.

I just want one.

They come in two.

(SIGHS) That's how they get you. It's a conspiracy.

Conspiracy?

They sell you two watch batteries, but you only got one watch.

Twelve wieners, eight buns.

I know.

This is what I talking!

Printer's cheap but the ink will kill you.

Phone is free but the plan will get you.

All those drinks in your fridge?

Owned by one company.

And that company owns all the other companies.

But it doesn't matter because companies are an illusion.

So we're all looking over here, when we should be looking over here.

Which is where the reptilian aliens are coming from when they return to harvest the new world order.

Five dollar.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Mrs. Kim.

Mrs. Park.

I didn't know you were working here.

Ah, just helping with the church bookkeeping.

Oh, I understand. Times are tough.

The church can't afford competent professionals.

Mrs. Park, are you here for marriage counselling?

Uh, no, that's on Thursday.

I mean... Thursday is when I do marriage counselling.

And I may or may not see either of you, then.

But I will see you on Thursday.

Here's our sheet music.

The Sound of Music.

Oh, I'm sure you'll be the hit of the festival.

(LAUGHS) You probably say that to all the families.

I do.

Mrs. Park: Keep up the good work, Mrs. Kim.

Umma: So, uh, you know my family sing too.

Oh, well why didn't you say something?

I say now.

We win the Church Family Singing Contest 2003.

My most favourite memory.

Whole family all together in front of church hold hands.

That sounds beautiful.

Yeah.

Even we beat Mrs. Park family.

And you know what they singing?

Sound of the Music.

Always a Sound of the Music.

Well, should I pencil in the Kim family for the festival?

Yes. Oh, wait. I don't know. Maybe.

Uh, let's just say yes, but maybe no.

Well, maybe you should just get back to me.

Yeah! Okay.

I'm sure you'll be the hit of the festival.

Hi, Mr. Kim.

Hi, Fatima.

Did you hide the mac and cheese?

Oh. Sold out.

Oh.

Fatiha was hoping to have it for lunch.

Fatiha, my minivan is a broke.

Janet bring a rent van, and then I go out and get more mac and cheese for you.

Maybe we'll get some at No-Frills.

Or maybe she like, uh, Alpha-getti?

Couldn't find that either.

Huh?

Okay, I give to you, uh... Ah!

Some SPAM ham and, uh... (GASPS) chickpeas!

You like chickpeas?

We'll come back another time.

Yeah, okay. See you.

(SIGHS)

(CAR HONKING)

Hmm what's a happen?

(HONKING)

Sorry it took so long but... I got you an upgrade.

It's too big! Too flashy!

Think how much pop you can fit in there.

And check it! TVs in every headrest.

Is there cocaine in the glove compartment?

How do you think we're paying for it?

(SCOFFS) I can't drive this.

I'm gonna look like pimp.

Great! Then I'll take it to school and you can use my metro pass.

(GROANS) Why you do like this to me?

We got a deal.

It didn't cost anything extra.

And you deserve it.

Okay, okay. You right.

I deserve.

You want to enter us in the church singing contest?

Not the contest. Festival.

This is about Mrs. Park, isn't it?

No.

It's for praising the Jesus.

I'm gonna pass. I'm not gonna get caught up in church drama again.

Jung: Ask Janet.

Oh, she is too busy with school and working. So busy.

Umma, Janet's a better singer than you think.

I don't think so.

(GASPS) Umma and son duet. Very cute!

Uh-huh.

(SPEAKING KOREAN)

What's going on?

Jung and I sing in church festival.

That's not happening.

Jung "Badass" Kim, singing in church?

That's adorable.

Mrs. Kim, nice to see you. What's going on?

Jung "Superfly" Kim's singing in a church contest.

Like he's eight.

And we're all going.

Are we?

No, this is all...

You like music?

You like the Jesus?

Uh... Yes?

Good. Everybody going.

I guess I could go.

I'm not even going.

Shannon: Well then I won't go.

Nice to see you again Mrs. Kim.

Okay, bye.

Umma, no.

Is that clear enough for you?

Someone's business must be doing well.

Oh, it's just a...

Yeah it's okay.

I went to test drive one of these.

Gorgeous. But in the end I could only afford this one.

Yeah, it's a nice one too.

I just didn't need all the horsepower. But great truck and definite chick magnet.

Yeah (CHUCKLES).

YOLO.

You only live once.

Yeah. Cool yo-yo.

(HONKS)

Have a good one, man.

Yeah. I do.

(HONKS)

(CAR ALARM WAILING)

Oh, oh, oh!

(UMMA SINGING)

Hey Umma.

Oh.

Can I talk to you for a second?

You know I've been thinking...

I'm out so much. Some days I feel like I don't even see you guys at all.

And when I am here, I'm always leaving stuff around.

And...

It's okay, it's okay.

Is that from the family singing contest?

Yeah. So long time ago.

We could do it again.

Oh, no time.

It's this Friday, 8:00.

Why don't we just do Nae Joo Yo?

We could totally do it. You and me.

A duet.

Yeah, maybe.

(GASPS) You know even better duet?

You and me and Jung.

Well I could ask him.

That's great idea. You ask Jung.

Okay.

And if he say yes...

Don't feel like you still have to sing too.

School is so important.

No, I want to do this.

That's nice.

But, uh, don't worry about hurting my feeling Janet. You can say no.

Feel free to say no.

Say no, Janet.

This'll be good.

I'm going to talk to Jung.

I'm going to talk to Pastor Nina.

I'm gonna make this happen.

Yeah, okay.

(SINGING IN KOREAN)

Oh, Jesus. Please help Janet.

Hey!

Appa?

Janet.

(BEEPS)

(CLICKS)

Those new?

No. Have long time.

There's a price on the lens.

(SIGHS)

Okay, okay. Back to store.

Did you hear about the singing festival?

Yeah.

What singing festival?

At church.

We're all singing. Me, Umma, and...

No way Jose.

Why? You have a great voice, Appa.

Yeah. Don't want to make rest of you look bad.

All right. But I just thought it might be nice...

Yeah. Take a picture of me with a truck.

Okay, but Appa...

Ah, just take a picture.

Janet: Are you just going to stand there?

Yeah.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Yup, that's the one.

I already told her no.

If you want to sing with her...

She really, really wants you to be there.

I know. She made it really, really clear.

But, it's not happening.

Okay.

Here's the deal.

I need Umma to be in a good mood, 'cause...

I'm moving out.

I'm getting an apartment with Gerald and Semira.

That's great!

What does that have to do with me singing?

I just think telling Umma after a big family thing will make it easier.

You know that's stupid, right?

I do.

But I really think telling Umma after we do a big family thing...

I'll do it.

Seriously?

This is my serious face.

Oh!

Wait. Appa's not doing this, is he?

No way Jose.

How's he liking the ride?

(SCOFFS) That's hilarious.

Hey, family meeting!

Sorry I'm late. What I miss?

We're singing at the church family festival.

It's back on?

Apparently.

I'll spread the word.

Kimchee, don't.

Oops. Group text.


How much are tickets?

There's no tickets. It's a church thing.

Don't tell Terence that. I'm gonna sell him a ticket.

You owe me.

What are those, Mr. Kim? Twenty-one inch rims?

Yeah. Maybe longer.

Well, whatever they are, she rides like a dream.

Ah, life is good, Mr. Mehta.

When I first get here, I have nothing.

Same.

But sometimes I long for the halcyon days of our youth.

Ah, we not so old.

We still look good.

Yes. You, uh, working out?

I've been working in (CHUCKLES).

Ah.

You know what would make you look even better...

No.

Mr. Mehta: They make first class hair pieces these days.

Appa: Hmm. Ah, it look so real.

This is not a rug.

Mehta men die with a forest on top and bottom.

Hello.

Ooh.

Hello, young lady.

You're looking exceptionally beautiful today.

I just wanted to let you know you can't actually smoke on the patio.

Oh.

And you need to make a purchase to be on the patio.

Oh.

And there's no parking here until six.

And they usually tow.

Both: Oh.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay we move. We move.

Uh?

Bring those with you.

Thank you.

(GASPS)

So nice.

Have both my children sing with me in a church.

Well Janet was very persuasive.

We just want to make you happy.

Enough chit-chat. Here is the music.

When Koreans hear this song, they start to cry. Easy win.

But it's not about winning, is it?

No, no.

It's just for fun and for praising the Jesus.

Remember, Jung, very loud and very clear.

Janet, very soft and very soft.

Okay.

(PLAYING NOTE)

(SINGING IN KOREAN)

(SHRIEKS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

It's very dry in the church.

Here.

We could lower the key.

I can't go any lower.

And we have to hear Jung.

Very important.

Okay, we go again.

(PLAYING NOTE)

(SINGING IN KOREAN)

(SHRIEKS)

Why you fooling around? You throw me off.

No, no it's going to be good.

The Park family is practice every day for two week.

We have only today.

This time, take serious.

Really happy you talked me into this.

It'll work.

Just sing louder and praise the Jesus.

Umma: Janet, less talking.

Go again!

(PLAYING NOTE)

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

Oh. Hi, Mr. Kim.

Hi, Ms. Shannon.

You look good.

Did you lose some weight?

No, just eat healthy, huh.

You is what you eating (CHUCKLES).

Uh. So, anyway I really like SUV.

Love that truck.

Yeah. It's very nice.

So I was think, uh, maybe lease or long term rent.

Hey, Ajushee!

Ah, Kimchee. How's going? (CHUCKLES).

What's on your face?

Ah, it's hair!

Very, uh, fertile face.

(CHUCKLES) Yes.

Is that makeup?

No! What you talking?

Appa?

Jung.

I just, uh, return truck. Okay, see you.

Is someone - returning the Tahoe?

'Cause there's a huge scratch on the back.

I don't scratch.

I'm sure you didn't.

Just give me the paperwork, Terence. I'll handle it.

Nothing to handle because I don't scratch truck.

It's a pretty big scratch.

Dude, shut up!

No.

No, if I scratch truck, I pay.

But I don't scratch truck.

No one's saying you did.

Well, I did.

But I'm starting to feel like maybe I shouldn't have.

How much?

We'll take care of the damage, Mr. Kim.

If you don't give me such a nice truck, it not cost so much when I don't scratch.

Actually, the upgrade was Janet's idea, and I thought it was a nice thing.

Nobody ask for nice thing from you!

At least you guys are talking again.

Oh, you know that guy?

(SINGING IN KOREAN)

Aesheem Janet!

Hey, Appa.

There's something we should probably talk about.

What's on your face?

This is you fault!

Your face is my fault?

Why you give to me such a fancy truck?

I thought you liked it.

It is too much!

Radio too loud. Seat is too hot.

One raindrop, wipers start going crazy.

Dad, those are all adjustable.

You adjustable!

What's happening?

Hi, Janet.

Go upstair.

You work long shift, go relax all the way upstair in your room.

Happily.

Love you so much!

Janet: Uh-huh.

(SIGHS)

Appa, why you do like that to Janet?

She do like that to me first.

What? She cost me lots of money.

She moving out.

Ah, we fight all the time. She not moving out.

She sign a lease.

With Gerald and Semira for apartment.

She tell you this?

I find.

She don't know I know.

She not ready.

I not ready.

I ready.

She want to go? Go now.

This a good deal for us.

We rent room. Homestay.

I'll go tell her plan.

Appa! (GROANS) We think before we do.

I don't want her to leave.

She leaving!

You saw lease!

She not even tell us.

She not tell us because we do like this.

We do like this because she don't tell us!

So we yell. She yell. Then what happen?

I don't know.

Maybe we let her tell us when she ready.

Yeah. Maybe.

Yeah. Mmm.

What is that?

Don't. Nah.

I...

Oh...

You out of mascara.

Thank you so much, Parson family, with their rendition of nearly every song from Aladdin.

Our next act is the Park family.

(APPLAUSE)

Liesl, there's a young man at the door for you.

For me, Papa?

I better go see who it is.

♪ I am sixteen going on seventeen ♪
♪ I know that I'm naive ♪
♪ Fellows I meet may tell me ♪
♪ I'm sweet and willingly I believe... ♪

I have new arrangement.

Umma, I can't sing any softer.

Unless you just want me to not sing at all.

No, I want you to sing my part.

You and Jung. You is ready.

Umma, you have to sing.

I can't sing high note anymore.

If I sing we don't win.

If you don't sing, I don't sing.

What if you both sang the same part?

Umma, you help Janet stay in tune and Janet, you go for the high notes.

Yeah, I'm not so sure about that.

Whatever. It won't be perfect, but who cares?

Let's just do it for the Jesus.

Don't joke.

Who's joking?

Jesus wants us to kick Mrs. Park's ass.

Okay, let's do it for the Jesus.

♪...on you.

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you, family Von Park!

And now that the hills are alive, please welcome the Kim family.

(APPLAUSE)

(SINGING IN KOREAN)

(SINGING CONTINUES)

(SINGING CONTINUES)

(APPLAUSE)

Pastor Nina: Thank you! Thank you Kim family.

Pastor Nina: Uh, please welcome our next act, the Song Sisters and their brother-in-law, Eddie Chan.

But, nobody else bought a ticket.

Look, what does it say on the ticket?

Both: No refunds.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

Hey, you came.

Wouldn't miss it.

The Handy family representing.

You guys were great.

Thanks. Uh...

Oh, Jung this is Alejandro.

Alejandro, Jung.

Alejandro.

Alejandro.

Alejandro.

Alejandro.

Alejandro.

Oh, whatever, it's nice to meet you.

Oh, whatever, likewise.

Okay. Well, we should go.

Uh, I'll see you Monday?

Yeah. I'll see you Monday.

(LAUGHING)

Okay. See you.

Shannon: So it's Alejandro?

Yes, that's wrong.

How was the festival?

Very good.

Janet sing very beautiful.

Thank you, Umma.

There was actually more harmony than I thought there would be.

I loved it.

So, you still want hot chocolate?

Yeah. Do we have whipped cream?

I check.

Appa, hot chocolate?

Do we have marshmallow?

We have store.

(SIGHS)

So, there's something we should probably talk...

I know.

You know?

Yeah.

I'll just be a streetcar ride away.

I'll be here all the time.

I know.

I'll still be working at the store.

You'll barely know I'm gone.

(SIGHS) I will know.

Appa?

(SIGHS) Let's go get some hot chocolate.

Yeah.

Be good roommate.

Pay utility bill.

Wash dish after you finish eating.

Yeah. I will.

Yeah. And, uh, don't be late for work or I cut you pay and you have to move back home.

Then I definitely won't be late.