03x08 - Stan Against Evie

[bunniefuu]

So, you're writing a book?

I didn't know they still wrote books.

Willard's Mill. Yes.

The witch burnings and the supposed curse.

Yes, "supposed."

And you were the...?

Sheriff. Sheriff.

Sheriff of Willard's Mill for a long, long time.

Could you state your name?

Uh, my name is...

Evelyn Barret.

Can you tell me about the Sheriff who preceded you, Stan Miller?

Stan...

Stan was... a very good man.

Don't get me wrong... he could drive you crazy, but I trusted him with my life.

And then, Stan changed...

Into something different.

What do you mean, someone different?

I didn't say someone...

I said something.

_

No! No, please!

Lord Haurus, please!

Please!

Aah! Let me join you!

Please!

No, Lord Haurus!

Please!

And this is what I found... this morning.

Huh.

Hachi machi.

I think it's really him.

Oh, my God.

It's over?

Is this... Is this all over?

And you didn't see anything? How is that possible?

Because I don't live at the cemetery.

I know everybody thinks I'm this weirdo, but I'm just a guy with a job.

Sorry. Sorry.

Actually, where were you last night, just for the record?

I was on the roof of the abandoned shopping mall.

Sheriff, have you ever seen a UFO?

I mean, a real one?

They only land if you're nude.

Oh, my for God's sake. You know what? Could you...

Could I just... Can I... Please?

Mm-hmm.

Don't learn.

Stan!

Stan!

Stan!

I am glad you are sitting down.

Is everything okay?

Couldn't be better.

Great. Okay. Are you ready?

Constable. Eccles.

Is. Dead.

Dynamite.

Oh, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I-I-It's definitely him.

He was b*rned at the stake at the old cemetery.

Everything. And all the graves are empty.

I guess we're in the clear, then.

Wow. To... To... To be honest, I guess I was expecting kind of a bigger reaction.

I mean, I've seen you get more excited over women's golf.

Okay. Uh...

Well, I-I guess I just thought you'd want to know that we are... free of the death curse and that our lives just got a whole lot easier.

But, uh...

I guess I'll... I'll...

I'll just see you around.

I'm not doing it.

Stan?

What are you doing?

I don't know.

Aaaand there you go.

I made it home without a lick of help.

And I knew you would.

That's why I followed you, to prove it.

So... good job!

Your willpower is fading.

You can feel it.

We'll only get closer and closer... and then it will be done.

Is that right?

You think I'm gonna k*ll Evie Barret?

You knew k*lling Eccles came with a price.

Dad! Guess what...

Kevin has that whole section of the old cemetery open now, and I am going to convince him to put in a miniature-golf course.

You're not even listening to me. I don't even care.

I've said my piece, and now I'm leaving.

Whoo!

Why don't you k*ll me?

If I make someone a king and they bring me the head of a peasant, should I be satisfied?

The peasant means nothing.

But if the king brings me the head of his brother, then his soul is destroyed, and I am appeased.

Why's it got to be a king and a peasant?

Why... Why can't it be a plumber and his pal Steve?

Why does everything got to be so g*dd*mn fruity?

Huh?

Who's Steve?

You're watching women's golf on the Women's Golf Channel, your home for women's golf.

We'll be back with more women's golf after this important word about women's golf.

That reminds me of a funny story about women's golf, not that there's anything funny about women's golf.

Evie! Yeah?

So much for Willard's Mill staying quiet.

What happened?

There's an ethnic g*ng fight at the laundromat.

Leon, you can't say that.

It's a bunch of Dutch ladies handing out butter cookies.

You tell me what to call it.

You know what?

Why don't you knock off early and go fold those whites?

I don't see whites... just laundry.

If you're looking for a way out, you can stop looking.

You tricked me.

You lied to me.

You think I ever... ever would have agreed to this if I knew it meant I had to k*ll Evie Barret?

Have you ever heard of a deal with the devil that worked out great?

I said, and I quote, "Hell is for the alone and unconnected," and then you agreed to become a part of it.

So everyone I love, everyone I'm connected to...

Gets destroyed by you.

Haurus did that... like that.

And now you're a part of him.

And that doesn't work if your soul is brimming with love and happiness.

Of course not.

Of course not.

'Cause that's everything he isn't.

And that'd k*ll him.

That would k*ll him.

Just think about it, Kevin.

You go and you visit your loved ones, and then... boom!

You can play mini-golf.

Hey! No!

Hey, kids.

You dig up this woman every week!

This is the last time, I promise.

I'm sorry, dear.

All right.

Hey, Kev-o, you, uh... you're my best friend, right?

Yeah?

Can I ask you a personal question?

Yeah.

What's your last name?

Cougar-Mellencamp.

No relation.

Good enough.

Hey, Kev-o... look after her.

Or you look after him.

I don't know which one is worse.

So, I'll tell you what you should look into is an assisted-care facility... let them do the heavy lifting.

Sweetheart.

Kev-o.

That's my mom.

What? - Please, Stan!

It's an emergency! I'm at my house!

What? - You have to help me!

Evie?

Don't move.

Get down there by the fireplace!

Come on. Stan!

Evie, you don't want to do this. Keep walking.

Believe me, you d... Keep walking!

Sit down.

Cuff yourself to the grate. Oh, come on.

Cuff yourself to the grate.

It's anchored to the floor.

Don't try anything.

Okay, I... I did have a fire in there earlier.

I wasn't pla... It's... I'm sorry.

So just try not to brush up against it.

Look, I don't like this any more than you do, but I need answers.

I... I thought we were in the clear, Stan.

I mean, Eccles was dead.

Then, earlier today, that thing... that "Judy" thing... tried to k*ll me, and I think you can tell me why.

Why do you think that?

Because I ran the fingerprints it left on my windshield...

And they were yours.

Judy's real name is "Haurus."

Haurus... helped me to k*ll Eccles, and now Haurus...

Haurus wants me to k*ll you.

Oh, Stan. I can't believe...

I don't know how much longer I can hold Haurus off.

Ow! Son of a...

Sorry! I said don't brush up against it.

Would you please get me some ice?

Yes. All right.

Would you please just get me some ice! I... All right! I am...

You know, Stan, you should've just told me.

I mean, we can figure this out.

No!

Son of a bitch.

Hello?!

Yes.

Evie, you know what they say... good can't defeat evil and that, if you want to defeat evil, you got to go out and find a bigger evil... and let a little in.

Not sure I believe that, but, okay.

Only way we defeated h*tler was by making a pact with Stalin.

Just I'm clear, am I h*tler or Stalin in this?

Look, the only reason you're here to begin with...

Is 'cause I b*at the hell out of a witch at a funeral and got fired.

None of this was meant for you.

It was all meant for me.

And I'm so sorry.

But he's comin'... and I can't fight him no more.

He's comin'...

And I'm gonna let him in.

What are you talking about... let it in? You can fight this!

No, I can't do it.

It's got to be you.

You got to take the sh*t for me.

Now, you can do this.

Take that.

You're only gonna have one sh*t... so don't miss.

And I will be right here with you.

Wait. What happens if I miss?

Well, don't miss. What if I do?

Oh, for the love of sh*t, Evie, could you not make a thing just this one g*dd*mn time?

Don't miss.

Okay.

Stan?

What's happening?

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t.

You said you were gonna be here with me!

I'm here... I'm here...

I'm here... I'm here... I'm here...

Take the sh*t... the sh*t... the sh*t... the sh*t... the sh*t... the sh*t... the sh*t... the sh*t...

Aah!

Now.

No.

No!

No! No!

Aaah.

So you...?

Uh-huh.

Sheriff Miller?

I think I'd like to say goodnight now.

That was it?

It was all over?

All over?

Young man... that was just the beginning.