03x03 - And the Reunion of Evil

(voice echoes)

Hallå!

Hallå.

Hallå is grotta.

(chuckles)

What are you doing?

I'm just practicing my Swedish.

Hallå is grotta. It means, "Hello, ice cave!"

First of all, the translation is hej isgrotta.

And why are you so cheerful?

It's just a nice, normal, everyday artifact retrieval.

Yeah, an artifact that Flynn was supposed to retrieve, but he skipped out again. Now we gotta cover his backlog.

Come on, you and I were built for this.

We're a well-oiled machine.

Come on.

This date and location's been in the Library's appointment book for nearly 600 years.

It's a crystal that grows in one of these ice formations.

It's supposed to be steeped in magic.

It's the one with... prime frost.

Huh.

Well, it all looks pretty frosty to me.

I recalibrated the goggles to read the residual energy of anything outside the spectrum of light visible to the human eye.

So that should help us figure out which formation we need to take back with us.

Hmm. Nope.

Nope.

Nope. What did you say this thing was called again?

The Angrboda crystal?

I don't know. I think so.

I mean, I copied it exactly from the appointment book.

But you know how atrocious that handwriting...

Um...

Cassie, I don't think you need the goggles.

But we will need some help.

Ezekiel?

Ezekiel.

Hey! That was important.

Don't worry. You'll get your game back when we're done.

And what precisely are we doing?

Ezekiel, I've seen the kind of Librarian you can become... responsible, a leader, someone people can turn to for help.

But you haven't reached that potential yet, and we're gonna change that.

Oh, I'm not into kinky stuff.

It's not for you, it's for me.

You're into kinky stuff?

I've set up a series of traps and obstacles in the Library and you're going to guide me through using just your voice.

That's ridiculous.

I have every faith in you.

Okay, Ezekiel, you're in charge.

Guide me.

Ezekiel? Ezekiel?

You're not here anymore are you?

Ah!

Well, basic physics isn't working.

Time to try an upgrade.

These symbols etched in here...

They're runes.

Yeah, Nordic and ancient.

Of course.

The ice and crystal grows. I mean, slowly, but it grows.

But if they're growing in Runic designs, that means there's consciousness at play.

And if there's consciousness at play, that means I can confuse it.

Like you're confusing me?

We don't need the whole ice formation.

We just need the crystal inside of it.

So if I use a spell...

No spells.

We've been over this.

You've been over this.

I've been patently ignoring you.

Magic has consequences.

(ice cracks)

I see you got your phone back.

And your keys. Just for practice.

I have to keep my skills sharp.

I'm serious about this, Jones.

If you were serious about this, you wouldn't have me lead you through traps that you set up.

There's no danger in that.

You would have me set up the traps, but, obviously, you don't trust me that much.

Colonel, I wouldn't bother. Mr. Jones has chosen a path of non-involvement, even when there are lives at stake.

He's, well, like Switzerland, minus the odd affinity for cuckoo clocks.

I told you I'd help with whatever once I'm done with this.

What do you mean "lives at stake"?

What is all that?

Well, I'm hoping to build a new incubator, since the old one is overheating.

Ironic, for an incubator.

No more games, Jones.

There's real danger, and you are gonna get us out of it.

Oh, Colonel, really, I must protest.

Nessie entrusted me with her egg.

And now we are entrusting Ezekiel.

Nessie? So you're telling me that this is the egg of the Loch Ness Monster?

Yes, it is. Nessie had to go deal with some overzealous developers on her loch and she asked me to watch it.

Jenkins, the incubator is malfunctioning and I'm betting nothing works as well as good old fashioned body heat.

Now, you can't put it down, you can't walk away from it.

Keep it warm until the incubator is fixed.

Colonel, you really do believe that this is the best idea?

I have every faith in Ezekiel.

Said no one ever.

I don't know. Maybe it was an echo.

You got a weak left. Your right's good though.

Stone!

De antiquis invoco deos.

Quia opus factum est.

Ut quietam!

(crackling)

Stone: Whoever that was ran off, but there is a blizzard out there.

What are you doing?

Opening the ice formation.

Damn it, Cassandra, I told you...

Too late now.

See?

I told you.

In and out, lickety spl...

What just happened?

I think the crystal went in my chest somehow.

Let's get you back down the mountain, get you back to the Library.

In a blizzard?

We have no choice.

Where'd that come from?

I don't know, but that's where we're going.

Better call Jenkins and get the door moved here, get you home.

I got no signal.

Hopefully this place has a house phone that works.

Yeah.

(rumbling)

Do you have a reservation?

Oh! You speak English.

(chuckles) Good.

Listen, we got caught up in the storm.

I was wondering if I could borrow your phone.

No phone.

If you don't have a reservation, you need to leave.

Pretty bad storm out there.

We're hosting a private reunion.

If you're not here for the reunion, you'll have to leave now.

Of course we're here for the reunion.

I didn't know if we have the right hotel or not.

That's me, Finklestein.

(bell dings)

Good ol' Finklestein.

Man: That's not Finklestein!

No way.

No way Finklestein shows up at the reunion looking like a rock star.

Come on. Come here, my friend.

What? What? You don't recognize me?

It's Olafsson, you crazy guy!

(laughing)

(gasps)

Oh, this is not good.

Ah, what, been about 100...

150 years since we last saw each other?

Well, now I have the body of a tax accountant from Tampa.

Well you look great. You really do.

I need to talk to you.

Okay.

Oh, this, of course, is Norman.

Awesome.

Oh, no.

Awesome.

And I believe you remember Meredith.

Mm.

If it isn't Finklestein.

(giggles)

Interesting look you chose.

I can get past the symmetry and muscles though.

So is this your girlfriend?

Both: No. No.

I'm his sister.

That's my sister.

Yeah, I've been bugging him for years to let me come, and finally he gave in.

Look, Finklestine...

Stein.

Yeah? I need to talk to you about my goggles.

Hey, I was worried you brought in an outsider.

Hey, remember the last time? Remember the last time we had an interloper? You remember this?

Meredith practically ripped his head off.

I just didn't want anyone to interrupt our special day.

Okay. It was so nice meeting all of you.

A lot of stuff to catch up on, guys.

You can't hide now.

We've been waiting for you.

Now the festivities can begin.

It's gonna be awesome.

Your sister has orientation, but don't worry, she'll be safe with me.

You sure they're late?

Yes.

If the ice formation had been there, they would be back by now.

If not, Miss Cillian certainly would have managed to send a message.

Something must have gone wrong.

You know, if it were me...

One can only dream.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

Yes, Ezekiel? What would you do?

Nothing.

Well, your sense of responsibility continues to astound.

By the way, where is your present charge, the egg?

Back in your lab.

Yeah, I hooked up a new incubator myself.

You wouldn't do anything?

Did I say that?

You've got GPS, radar, and tracking equipment all right here.

What are you gonna do on the mountain that can't be done from this room besides endanger yourself?

Wow, that's almost responsible for other...

He had it over a Bunsen burner.

You said keep it warm, so I rigged up a new incubator.

Is that not right?

No, that's fine, if you'd like to have a Loch Ness omelet.

Ezekiel, your job was not the incubator.

Your job is the egg.

All right, I'm sorry.

It won't happen again.

Huh.

Let him have it.

Colonel!

If Miss Cillian had not put protective spells on this, the egg would be cooked right now.

Jenkins, give him another chance.

Nessie only lays an egg once every hundred years.

So if this one gets hurt, I'll be angry.

But more importantly, Nessie will be angry.

And trust me, you won't like Nessie angry.

Jenkins, fire up the door.

It's all connected, Colonel.

Great, then let's get our Librarians back.

Norman, get us some steins.

What's all the festivities?

Oh, you know, the usual.

A little drinking, a little gaming.

Pathological need to one-up each other with whatever we've been doing over the last however long it's been.

Hey, everybody! It's Finklestein!

Crowd: Finklestein!

You, drink.

Awesome that you're here, man.

Thank you.

Ta-da! The only orientation you need.

Bartender, two bloody Marys.

There's real Mary in them.

Nothing for me, thanks.

I'm just tired from all the traveling.

I should probably...

Oh, no, once the ceremony begins, you won't be tired at all.

The ceremony?

Finklestein didn't tell you anything, did he?

God. That man can be so... secretive.

What are they playing?

Has it really been so long you can't recognize a game of Halatafl when you see it?

That's the fox and the sheep.

I know that game.

I just... I didn't recognize the Old Norse name for it.

Oh, I know. Don't get me started.

I told the organizing committee, I said, "We should be using the old languages."

By Odin's beard, next time, we're gonna be speaking and wearing Chinese.

I'm learning Mandarin.

It's aw...

Awesome. Yeah, we know.

That would be zhen bàng in Mandarin.

You don't miss a step, do you?

Finklestein!

Crowd: Finklestein!

Your brother's a great guy.

But if he says he's gonna call, he should call.

I spent the 15th century waiting.

At least he can't magic his way out of seeing me here.

Um, did you say "magic?"

You know, because of the truce.

The ceremony is too important, so for the reunion, we leave our magic at the door.

Gentleman's agreement.

We roasted some gentlemen when we formed the pact, made it official.

You know what? I think my brother would like to hear this from you personally.

So why don't I go get him and I'll just...

No, no.

Is it me? Am I too leech-like, but, like, in a bad way?

That's pretty brave, taking Norman as your partner.

Hey! Hey!

Don't listen to the smack talk from the peanut gallery.

(cheering)

Oh!

Yeah!

Hey!

Hey! Holy... you never used to be this good.

That good hair and that handsome face... it's a little off-putting.

You need, like, a droopy eye.

You need a big gut.

I'm serious. If you plan on using this flesh bag on Meredith, she'll... well, actually after a couple of bloody Marys, she'd probably be into it.

Totally into it.

More beer!

More beer!

Skål!

Skål!

No, it's not you.

It's him.

Yeah.

He's just so busy.

You know, he can get really focused and stubborn... totally not into new ideas at all.

That's such a stupid guy thing.

I'm totally open to new ideas.

I know, right?

Right?

Recently, I've been getting involved with insurance.

Do you know that only a small percentage of the population has adequate coverage for natural disasters?

Norman? Really?

Oh, yeah. Bankrupting them has been totally awesome.

Olafsson: Now, me, I specialize now.

Oh, yeah. Extended drought here, targeted expansion of smallpox there.

I like a good plague.

You find a sick guy and you walk him around and you have him cough on everybody.

Cholera. Cholera is delightful.

What?

You guys are not gonna distract me that easy.

Ha ha! Yeah.

Finklestein!

(Olafsson laughs)

What natural disaster is your favorite?

Global warming.

(crowd gasps)

Wow. That's brutal.

Yeah.

More beer for everybody!

You were so nice.

Oh, God, I need a mirror.

My flesh bag is a leaky mess.

Mirror? Yes.

Yeah.

No, not for you, um, because you look great.

I'm gonna go to the ladies' room. You stay here.

Don't let the man get you down.

I'll be right back. Okay, okay.

(rumbling)

Okay. Fingers crossed...

Jenkins put the same transmission frequency into these as he does into everything else.

You could help, you know.

Can't. I have to hold this egg.

No, Jenkins! Fire bad.

There's no end in sight.

You sure there isn't a closer door?

Colonel, there isn't another door within 50 miles of this ice cave.

If you would please step back.

This might get a little toasty.

Don't worry, you're gonna stay nice and warm.

Ow!

Hey.

I wanted to apologize for getting teary out there.

You... you were just... you're so easy to talk to.

Oh, okay. No problem.

First your brother, then you.

God, there's something about the Finklesteins.

I'm probably jet-lagged.

After the ceremony, I will feel so much better.

The ceremony. So what exactly is that?

That's where we consume the crystal.

You know, the whole reason we're here.

Right, the crystal.

They've already gone out with the snowcat to get it.

God, we used to kill each other over this thing.

But the truce made it more civilized.

We all get to share.

I mean, some of us still miss the hunts.

Even now the Angrboda crystal calls.

(sighs) Can't you feel it?

Yep.

Sure can.

When Thomas Aquinas said, "There's nothing on this earth to be more prized than true friendship," he didn't know about indoor heating!

(all laughing)

Come on!

Drinks are on me!

Cool. I'll killing it.

What are you doing?

What am I doing?

I'm making the best of a bad situation until the storm blows over.

A bad situation?

Oh, that's cool. That sounds fun.

Tell me, you happen to notice anything, oh, I don't know, odd about any of your friends?

Well, I mean, they're a little weird, but you have to understand where I come from...

Crowd: Finklestein!

Okay. Okay.

That actually makes a lot of sense.

Ya think?

We gotta get outta here.

Okay.

Okay, well, I've got good news and bad news on that front.

I managed to connect the goggles to a bathroom mirror.

I think I got through to the Library, but the connection fried.

I don't know, European outlets...

All right, what's the good news?

The bad news is that that entire convention of demons out there is trying to get the crystal which is currently embedded in my chest and makes me light up like a glow stick.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right.

So when Meredith said the word "Angrboda crystal," my chest lit up, and, yeah, so that's happening.

She also said they consume it.

Do you think that means that they're gonna...

Well, considering I just saw a guy drink a gallon of beer in one sip, I think it's in the realm of possibility.

What are we gonna do?

We can't get out of here because of the storm, and if we stay here, it sounds like they're gonna eat me.

It faded. It faded.

Maybe for good. Maybe.

I am not willing to take that chance.

What if I use, I don't know, a suppression spell or something?

No, no, no. No magic.

I'm telling you, she was inside, like, in a bathroom or something.

And that's it? That's all you saw?

No, I'm withholding pertinent information for fun.

Of course that's all I saw.

Then you could not have been paying proper attention.

I'm not paying proper attention?

Do you know what I've been doing on my phone all day?

I've been tracking weather patterns, and this storm came out of nowhere.

No weather patterns could create this.

Which means this storm is magical.

Okay, what do we really know about this job?

It was written in the appointment book by whom?

You've been tracking weather patterns?

Yeah.

I wanted to make sure I wasn't missing out on any good snowboarding, so...

It was written by the Librarian Gustav Von Erickson 600 years ago.

Famous Swedish historian, brilliant on his writing of Norse mythology, also famous for his appalling handwriting.

Little known fact, he's the reason Gutenberg invented the printing press.

Did he write anything about this storm?

No, he did not. Just the location of the ice cave, this set date, and "Prime frost, crystal in the ice."

Wait.

If you hadn't used a spell to open the thing in the first place, we wouldn't be in this mess.

If I had used an algorithm, you wouldn't be this upset.

That's right, in math we use symbology and formulas to get to derivatives and absolutes.

It's the exact same thing as magic.

How is that even...

It is different! It is dangerous.

You know what people thought was dangerous?

Fire, technology, chemistry.

Yeah, they thought they were all magic until they learned how to use them properly.

You don't know how to use magic.

You don't, all right?

Not well enough to keep people from getting hurt.

Oh, no one's been hurt.

You have!

I am not fragile.

I am trying to make the best of a bad situation, just like you are!

I don't think you're fragile.

I think you're too smart to be this reckless.

If we can't contact the Library, then we're braving this storm.

But, first, put this on.

Terrible idea.

Watch.

Terrible?

What are you doing?

Watch this. Angrboda.

Not everything has to be solved with magic.

Oh, well, at least I won't be frostbitten.

What did you just say?

I said, at least I won't be cold.

No. Frosty.

I think I know who these guys are.

It's the Jötnar. They're frost giants.

When Von Erickson wrote "prime frost," it wasn't a "P".

It was an Elder Futhark rune, "Thurs," long associated with the frost giants... a race of Norse gods, troublemakers, their most famous ancestor being Loki.

They must have been after the crystal, too.

No. They must be after the crystal, too.

So what are they? Gods?

They were creatures who were worshipped as gods.

But as their age of worship ended, they segued into the general human misery business, drawing pleasure and profit from seeing people suffer.

Frost giants can be grotesque, have huge appetites, and some have weather control capabilities.

And they're using it to hide themselves.

If Cassandra and Stone are with them, they're in far more danger than just this storm.

Stone: All we gotta do is cross this room, grab our gear, and get out those two doors.

How are we gonna do that with everyone out there?

Obviously, you've never been in a bar when the Sooners are playing Oklahoma State.

Follow me.

How you doing? We got some catching up to do, me and you.

All right. Knock that down, brother, huh?

I'll see you cats at the sauna.

Lookin' good, babe. Nice flesh bag.

All right, nice flesh...

Couldn't wait to see it, could you?

Me neither.

Clans of the Jötnar, I welcome you.

We have come together in this time and place, to partake of the life restoring benefits found within this ice.

Every 600 years, the Angrboda crystal regrows, and every 600 years, we used to fight and kill each other over it.

But ever since the peace accords, we have been able to share and share alike.

And the power and the influence of the Jötnar only grows!

And now... now we renew ourselves once again.

Who are you?

Me?

I'm Finklestein.

But if you're Finklestein, then who is that?

An interloper!

Someone who's here to keep the crystal for himself.

Norman: A false Finklestein?

I am not a false Finklestein.

He is the false Finklestein.

Yeah!

Grab them.

Man: Grab them!

First of all... hey, Olafsson! Olafsson!

Olafsson!

Okay. Hey! Hey! Hey!

I've known Finklestein for 10,000 years.

I know him better than anybody else here.

So if you're him, you need to convince me.

First question, how come I didn't know you had a sister?

Olafsson, come on. You knew I had a sister.

No I didn't.

Yes, you did.

You remember, I was born out of my father's left armpit, and my sister came from his right.

And then our little eight-headed brother came out of his feet.

But this is written history!

Just because I don't talk about my sister, doesn't mean she doesn't exist.

You talk about your family in Niflheim, the land of legendary mist and ice? No.

When's the last time you went ice skating on the river Élivágar?

Hmm? We've been friends so long I don't have to ask these stupid questions.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, what were we doing last time we saw each other?

God, who can remember that?

It was 150 years ago, which would have been the cholera outbreak in London!

You wouldn't have missed that.

You love plagues! Who doesn't?

(crowd cheers)

We may have had to speak English to those Victorians, but when you and I were alone, we spoke the old language.

The good stuff.

(crowd murmuring)

Okay. All right. Final question.

How long have we been friends?

We've been friends forever.

Since we were kids... little frost giants just causing trouble.

Olafsson and Finklestein. Finklestein and Olafsson.

Uh, we were never friends!

You were always jealous of me.

The Viking warriors always paid more fealty to me because they liked me better, and that made you crazy.

Well, you bribed them!

You said they'd cross oceans if they prayed to you.

They did!

Oh!

And you remember that girl?

That girl from China?

Oh! Oh!

She liked me better. They all liked me better.

You know what? You are a no good, low down, slimy eel!

That's the real Finklestein.

Grab them!

So somewhere in this snowstorm is a building the frost giants conjured magically.

Jenkins.

Hmm?

Does this computer have some sort of heat signature setting or something?

That's what it's on.

It's on heat signature settings.

Because of the storm, there is no heat to register.

Not those kind of heat signatures.

Like, magical signatures.

No satellite can track magic.

Maybe not.

Colonel, do you think DOSA has a satellite?

They've been following magic for a while now.

They must know what kind of trail it leaves.

We've got tracking equipment. Why can't they?

Yes, and there's will be military grade.

Yeah, but...

Wait. Wait.

Ezekiel, we're following your lead on this.

No, no. Cassie! Cassie!

Okay, okay, Okay, okay! Yes, we lied.

But there's some very good reasons for that.

Very good reasons, which are... we're the Librarians.

You're Librarians? That is not awesome.

Last time, a Librarian tried to wreck our ceremony, too.

I told you. They just want the crystal for themselves.

Okay, maybe we do want the crystal for ourselves.

We're not the only one.

No, we're not the only ones.

Yes, we went to the cave, yes, and we were looking for the crystal.

Someone else was there, too.

Someone that did not want to share the power with you guys.

Ring a bell, Finklestein?

Why were you late? Our kind knows their way around a storm.

I got stuck in traffic.

He was late because, well, I was beating him up.

I was not getting beaten up by you.

If... if I was going after the crystal on my own, then why would I have shown up here now?

Maybe he already has it on him?

Okay. Okay. Oh. Ha!

No! Stop it! That tickles.

You see? It was him.

He was at the caves and he was going after the Angrboda crystal, and you all should all be ashamed of yourselves with your jealously and your infighting.

And my chest is glowing, isn't it?

Uh, little to the left.

More left. Less left.

Less left.

Yes, yes, yes.

We're past less left and now more right.

I'm not disrupting satellite signals using brute force, okay?

I'm hacking into DOSA and mirroring its satellite data and its controls.

This is delicate.

If anyone can do it, you can.

Oh, I know, but thanks.

This here is the magical storm.

The snowstorm is magical, so it's completely lit up.

But they have no idea how to narrow it down.

Can we narrow it down?

When magic is created, it carries a signature of its creator akin to a fingerprint.

If we could isolate Cassandra's signature within all of this data, we could locate her, and then I could send the door there.

So how do we do that?

Well, we need to have something that we know that Cassandra performed magic on within the last 24 hour...

Meredith, please help me.

Is this really necessary?

It kind of is.

I'm sorry. I would have loved to hang out.

But on the bright side, we haven't had a human sacrifice in forever.

It's gonna be a real treat.

Clans of the Jötnar, I welcome you.

We have come together in this place and time...

Are you seriously gonna do the whole speech?

Olafsson: Ceremony is important.

Always trying to find a shortcut.

Finklestein: But we're not opening up the ice.

We're opening up the girl.

We don't need any of your fancy words.

Hey, Olafsson?

Want some fancy words? How about Dylan Thomas?

"Do not go gentle into that good night."

Don't need your help, Librarian.

All right, well, how about McKay?

"Though far outnumbered, let us show us brave, and for their thousand blows, deal one deathblow."

Don't worry, you'll get your deathblow.

How about Cillian?

"Magic can be used as a tool... and I have a little faith."

De antiquis invoco deos.

Quia opus factum est.

Ut quietam.

Do something!

Stop her!

I told you, you got a weak left.

Oh, oh.

Put... stretch it.

Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit.

You're doing great.

Come on, guys. Any time.

Ha! There.

Colonel! Not with the connection.

It's unstable. You can't go through.

But can they?

Upstairs, upstairs.

Come on!

Go!

You think that'll hold them?

I don't know.

If you've got one of your ideas about how to get us miraculously rescued, right now would be the time.

Baird: Cassandra? Stone?

Baird!

Baird: Come on, the connection's unstable!

You need to move.

You go.

No, we got together.

Go!

The vibrations.

The hotel is a manifestation of the storm.

It's constantly moving. That's why they can't get a lock.

How do we get through?

Baird: Guys! Guys!

We gotta catch it.

Before they catch us!

Baird: Over here!

This is not working.

They can't hold the door because they're looking for a stationary point in a moving space.

They need to track a succession of moving points to get a pattern of motion.

Baird!

Tell Jenkins to get a lock on the elevator!

Baird: Elevator? What?

Elevator. Elevator!

Norman, go around the other way.

Yeah!

Come on.

Come on, come on.

That crystal is ours!

You gotta have a little faith, right?

Close the door! Close the door!

So, how was your day?

Finklestein, how did that Librarian know you had a weak left?

Well, I...

You were gonna steal the crystal and not share.

It's his fault.

My fault?

I wouldn't have gone after the crystal if you hadn't been so stingy with my share the last time.

Truce over!

Salve for your rope burns.

Thanks.

Considering what we were up against, I'm getting off easy.

You got through it like Librarians.

And you got through it, too.

I hesitate to give you more praise, but if I'm...

Shh!

And the moment's over.

So does having this crystal inside me make me immortal now?

Ah, well, no.

According to Von Erickson's notes, unless you're a Norse god or related to one...

Well, then the crystal should pass through your system in due time.

Wait, when you say "pass"...

Do you like prune juice?

Sounds like I'm gonna have a rough couple days.

You're still mad I used magic?

You know, we stepped through a broom closet and ended up in Sweden.

We tell people that we're Librarians, and they let us in.

Magic helps us do what we do.

Magic's what saved the day.

It can't be all that bad.

I know that, and I'm amazed at what you've learned, what you can do.

But it worries me, Because it's the not bad parts that make people think that the bad parts really aren't that bad.

That's dangerous.

Yeah, magic got us out of trouble today.

But it's also what put us in it, too.

Point taken.

(cracking)

Jenkins! It's happening!

Uh, it's crack...

Okay. Yes.

Jenkins: Oh, well, Mr. Jones,

I do believe it has just imprinted on you.

You are now its de facto mother.

And quite honestly, I do believe it could do worse.

Wow. Looks like I'm not the only one putting faith in Ezekiel Jones.