03x05 - And the Tears of a Clown

(screaming)

(girls screaming)

(music playing)

(chattering)

Barker: Step up, step up, Whack-a-Mole. Two tickets gets you three hits.

Here's your prize. Congratulations.

Okay, Kirby, the key is to aim slightly above the target so that the water arcs down.

How do you know that?

I love carnivals.

They're just, uh, magic.

I never want tonight to end.

Yeah, me neither.

I mean, think about it. No one's unhappy here.

We wouldn't have to worry about that math midterm.

No one sitting with me on the bus.

Woman: And here we go!

(bell rings)

Eye on the game, eye on the game.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

(bell dings)

Yes!

I won!

All right, thank you.

Congrats, kid.

Charlotte, I wanted ask you...

Charlotte?

Ha ha.

(giggles)

Charlotte!

Thank you.

Behind your ear. Is that your ticket?

Oh, my goodness.

You found it.

Can I get two of these?

(giggles)

(chatter continues)

All right.

Got it on your end?

Good.

What are you people still doing here?

Didn't the feds already tell you to hightail it?

You can't set up a carnival on my land.

You're not being very friendly.

Well, I ain't your friend.

Oh, you will be.

We're all friends here.

Welcome... to the greatest carnival on Earth.

(whooshing)

The greatest carnival on Earth.

Faster.

Faster.

Oh, you can do better than that. Faster.

Faster still.

Faster! Do it faster!

(theme music playing)

(children screaming, cheering)

My apologies.

(indistinct chatter)

Oh, Miss Cillian, I...

Beg your pardon. I thought you were someone else.

Forgive me.

Sure. That's okay.

(phone chiming)

Jenkins, stay away. Stay away from the carnival.

Whatever you do, don't come after us, Jenkins.

(low growling)

(gasps)

(chattering continues)

(growls)

(horn honks)

Hi, one please.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Do you have a senior discount?

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Hey, you know what? I'm cool.

(doorknob rattles)

Ah, thank you for the Christmas present, Mr. Jones.

Oh, hi. Oh!

(growling)

Hello, hi. I'm sorry, I was just looking for... you guys work here?

'Cause I got turned around at the Ferris wheel and I... oh, there he is, you see? Come here, you precocious little scamp.

(chuckles) Looking all over for you.

You have scared your uncle, silly.

Uncle Silly. That's his nickname. My cousin... nephew.

Bye.

Thanks, those clowns are freaky.

You know what? You shouldn't be here.

Nah, it's fine. If I'm back by 7:00, my folks won't even notice.

What? No, no, no. I mean, it's not a good place.

I know, tell me about it.

They don't even have a Double Shock Drop Tower.

Oh... no. It is dangerous.

Hold on a second. You've been here before.

Every night since it showed up.

My dad thinks it's creepy because it just, like, appeared out of nowhere.

You know, no trucks or anything, but I like it.

Have you seen this person?

Uh, no. But I have seen him.

Where?

Uh, right there.

Oh.

Thank you. There you go.

So, what are you gonna do?

What? Um, thank you for your help, young man.

You really have to leave now.

And yet, still, here you are.

The lady on your phone, is she your daughter?

No, my friend.

Ah, yeah, my grandpa has a younger friend, too.

My mom doesn't like her, though.

(sighs)

Okay, you really have to leave. Or, you know what?

I'm gonna tell the carnies you snuck in without paying.

(scoffs) They won't care.

Look.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Hello? Hi.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Everyone here is like that.

You can do anything. The only ones who will come after you are the clowns.

Well, then, why sneak in?

I'm a precocious scamp.

(carnival music playing)

Boy: He dropped one.

Is it your friend?

(sighs)

Do you know where these were taken?

Yeah, right there. Come on.

What...?

Let's go.

Hi... aw. (stammers) Get a room.

Come on, let's go.

Yeah.

I presume you were raised on electronics.

Uh, yes, I was.

There's a memory card in there.

How do I get the pictures off of it?

Um...

Should be done.

Yes.

Uh...

Those people look weird.

Yes, they do. I...

(growls)

Something very bad happened here.

What's in that tent?

Let's find out!

Hey! No.

It is time you actually heed my warning and go home.

But it's the carnival's last day.

There is nothing about this carnival that you can trust.

You see? What happened to the people in these pictures, that's what happened to my friends, and they are a lot better at sneaking around than either you or I.

Listen, I can take care of myself, okay?

(laughs) I see.

You know... you know those dreams you have, somebody's chasing you and you try to scream for help...

(screams hoarsely) ...but nothing comes out of your mouth?

This place... those dreams are real.

And here, when the clowns catch you, you never wake up.

So I implore you. Go.

(screaming)

Colonel Baird.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Both: Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

All: Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth. - (music playing)

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Oh, eenie, meanie, miney... oh.

Welcome to the greatest car...

(both cough)

Jenkins!

Oh, Colonel, I can't tell you how glad I am to see you.

What is that disgusting smell?

Oh, this? Discarded condiments, a little cow manure.

Sort of a poor man's smelling salts.

(groans) You had to ask.

Both: What you lookin' at?

(laughs)

Jenkins, please tell me I'm dreaming and haven't really grown a second head.

Sorry, Colonel, you have.

You've been transmogrified.

Well, you all have.

Hello, Ezekiel.

Okay. I see you, Jacob Stone. I see your muscles, your abdominals and your biceps...

...greatest carnival on Earth.

...and your gluteus Maximus.

Jenkins, get this second head off my shoulders.

Oh, like you weren't looking.

They're my colleagues!

Well, luckily, I'm not you.

Or am I? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh, much better.

(muffled) This sucks.

All right, here. I'll retrieve Miss Cillian. You awake the others.

(muffled) What should I do?

(horn honks)

And speed would be of the essence.

Excuse us. Pardon us. Coming through.

Coming through.

Are you okay, Cassandra?

(squeaking)

Squeak once for yes, twice for no.

I'm never eatin' sushi again.

Would you stop playing that thing?

He can't stop.

No more than you can stop looking like Popeye.

But you can change us back, right?

One would hope, otherwise we're going to have to move Miss Cillian's experiment to the indoor pool.

Great.

(muffled) Pool party.

I don't understand how this happened to us.

I don't remember anything.

Not surprising. This entire carnival is a perverted manipulation.

Real, not real, whoever did this is either very powerful or very new at magic, or worse, both.

You let them escape?

They were gonna be the highlight of my show tonight.

Come on, guys. I depend on you.

(slide whistle blows)

You should be sad.

You know how long we've worked on this?

Now, they can't be far.

You go out there and you find them and you bring them back or I will melt that smile off your face!

Go!

Go!

God, you're a bunch of clowns.

Jenkins, where's that door?

Right here, and then left at the Twinkie stand.

(squeaking)

What is it, Cassandra?

What?

(playing music)

I know those clowns.

Those clowns know us.

(muffled) Who is it?

Mr. Stone, how much do you think you can lift?

(grunts)

(whistle blows)

Could you have put the door any further, Jenkins?

The colonel told me not to come at all. Be glad I ignored her.

In here, in here.

(squeaking)

(whistle blows)

(squeaks)

(whistle blows)

(squeaks)

Oh, thank God.

That must be a weight off your shoulders.

Well, good. Away from the influence of the pervasive magic of the carnival, you're transmutations have reversed.

My feet are back! And my voice!

And I'm talking really loud!

No! No! No! No, no, no, no!

You let them go? Gah!

This is not good.

I'm gonna punish you.

I'm gonna make you part of the wax museum.

(honks)

Charlotte's here now? How do I look? How's my tie?

Don't touch me.

Oh, okay.

Go and make everything perfect.

Perfect!

(honking)

Go!

You're amazing and mysterious.

You're amazing and mysterious.

You're amazing and mysterious.

It's you.

It's the real you?

I don't believe it.

Excuse me?

Well... your golden ticket. You're the winner.

(laughs) That's wonderful.

Yeah, I got this in the mail.

It said to come here to pick up my cash prize?

Yes, yes. And you have free admission to everything at the carnival.

That... that sounds like fun, but I have to get to work.

No. No, no, no, no.

We have many attractions, and a magic show.

The best you've ever seen, with yours truly.

I'm sure it is, but my boss will be unhappy if I'm late.

Again.

Well, that's really the thing about carnivals, isn't it, Charlotte?

No one's unhappy here.

How do you know my name?

A magician never reveals his secrets.

But it's on your tag.

I'm sorry.

Um, maybe I could stay for a few minutes.

Yes, wonderful! You're gonna love it. You're gonna love it.

I'm gonna... rather... allow me to show you around.

Thank you, Mister...

You may call me the Amazing Mysterium.

Whoa.

Whoa.

That is amazing.

Yes.

And that's only the beginning.

Please.

Who knew being a fish was so dehydrating?

Or that snake charmers had such amazing abs.

Seriously, did you see my abs?

We have to go back.

Uh, you sure you kept the right head?

We have to find out what's happening at that carnival.

We don't even know what happened the first time.

How are we supposed to stop it from happening the second?

With a little help.

This is a mixture of sodium pentothal, fennel for sight, thyme for memory, and, well, some special ingredients of my own invention.

It will restore your memory. Also good for clogged drains.

Sounds dangerous.

You have magically-induced lacunar amnesia.

Memory loss affecting a specific event.

Now, whatever you saw at that carnival scared you enough that you tried to warn me not to come after you.

We need to know what that was.

Bottoms up.

Cheers.

(gags)

Oh! Oh!

(coughing)

Oh, it's like a hangover in reverse.

Is anyone else seeing colors that don't exist in real life?

All right, all right, we need to go from the beginning.

How did the case start?

Uh, I was laying digital breadcrumbs to keep DOSA off our tail.

And then the Clipping Book flipped open.

Baird: It sent us to a hospital room in Iowa to talk to a Jane Doe.

Stone: But she wasn't talking.

Says here she was admitted for exhaustion.

The nurse said they picked her up at a carnival.

She was their juggler.

She came in with open sores on her hands.

Busted hands, perfect manicure.

Definitely not the nails of someone who juggles for a living.

Oh, but she was wearing a ring.

With a unique seal.

Sign of the Twelve Tables, the heart of Roman law.

The ring is a "coveted award given by the California Bar Association."

Last year's winner, Charlotte Holloway, Esquire.

Yep, she's a bigwig partner for a law firm in San Francisco.

So this woman left a high-paying job in a law firm to join a carnival?

It happens.

I mean, Baird left her super cool job with the NATO Antiterrorism Task Force to become a Guardian for the Library.

Way better dental plan.

Nothing about this woman, Charlotte Holloway, seemed to add up.

So we went to check out the carnival and talk to the carnival's owner.

The Amazing Mysterium.

Ah, the juggler. She collapsed this morning.

Couldn't keep up with the stress of carnival life, I suppose.

She used to be a high-powered attorney.

Really? I didn't know that.

Come to think of it, how did you know that?

We're Librarians.

Ah.

Well, she was one of the greatest jugglers I've ever seen.

Hard to replace her on short notice, but we make do.

Well, we'd like to take a look around, if you don't mind.

Mind?

Enjoy the carnival, my friends.

Two heads are better than one.

(honks)

And while you guys were talking to Houdini, me and Jones found out where the clowns came from.

Seems we weren't the only ones asking questions. There was a police officer. The clowns grabbed him, took him into the House of Horrors.

(growls)

Come on, guys. Let's get out of here.

Come on, let's go now!

Hey!

That's the last thing I remember.

I remember running like crazy and then the Insane Clown Posse was on my tail, so I went and I hid inside a...

A photo booth?

(shutter clicking)

Ah!

Worst souvenir ever.

We were on the midway.


Jenkins, I was trying to call you to give you an update.

(laughing) This is so cool.

See, a normal plain mirror reflects a perfect image, but this one has convex and concave sections that make me look like the inhabitant of a lower gravity planet.

(laughs)

Huh, you've really never been to a carnival.

Nope.

But I love clowns. (laughs)

I hate clowns.

I couldn't fight back.

It felt like someone was inside my body and I was trying to resist it so I could warn you.

(laughing, screaming)

(whooshing)

(cackling)

Jenkins, whatever you do, stay away from the carnival.

Do not come after us.

(all laughing)

Next thing I remember is you finding me.

And... other me.

He can make people do whatever he wants.

He can turn 'em into whatever he wants.

And conjure a carnival out of thin air.

This is more power than I've seen in one person in a very long time.

We need to find out who this Amazing Mysterium is.

Colonel?

While I admit that my field experience is limited, rest assured...

That is not why I warned you to stay away from the carnival.

Jenkins, you told me there is a battle coming, the ultimate battle.

Judson is gone, Charlene is missing, Flynn is in and out, and DOSA is after the Library.

He managed to get all four of us.

What if he got you, too?

Yes, fine, I understand. Your logic is sound, but there's nothing that would stop me from coming after you.

Oh.

Remind me to never doubt you again.

Cassandra: I don't get it.

There's nothing on the Internet about an Amazing Mysterium.

Well, that's magic in itself.

Come on, guys. In the military, when we run out of a digital trail, we look for a physical one.

Shoeprints, types of clothing...

Ooh, like his cape.

What about it?

Well, you know how I see patterns in everything?

Brush strokes or cloth.

This was the finest fiber I have ever seen.

It was 12.5 microns.

Even the best cashmere is 13.5 microns, so it's...

Vicuña.

Matata.

It means "fabric of the gods."

Yeah, I once "borrowed" a European prince's sports coat made out it.

Okay, so how many companies have made a magician's cape out of it?

Only one.

Yamena Tailors in Peru.

They made one for a "Kirby Goulding."

Ah, here we go. Low-rent kid's magician.

Hang on. He must've turned into a great magician overnight.

I mean, up until six months ago, his reviews are terrible, and then all of a sudden, they rave about him like he's the second coming of Siegfried and Roy.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Six months ago.

That's when the traveling carnival started.

And Kirby went from zero to hero. I smell an artifact.

The question is, Jenkins, which one?

(stammers) An artifact that can turn a run-of-the-mill children's magician into someone who can transform matter, control minds?

They're here.

The Scepter of Korob, the Fontainebleau Diadem.

They're here, stored in the Library.

Wait, so we're looking for an ancient artifact that even Mr. Jenkins hasn't heard of?

Why does it have to be ancient?

Because it was made when magic was in the world.

Yeah, but magic is back, big time.

Brand-new artifacts are being created every day?

If it's a new artifact Kirby's been using to create a carnival and control everyone around him...

It could literally be anything.

All right.

This are the most potent smelling salts that I can make.

Use them to wake up all those under Kirby's spell.

Get them far away from the carnival.

Hopefully they haven't been under his influence for too long.

I've got the magic spectrometer up and running.

But I would still have to have some kind of clue about the objects we're looking for.

There's nothing in these books.

Tells you everything you want to know about a magical artifact except how it was made.

No, no, no, no. The how, that's easy.

At some point, an object with some emotional significance came into contact with a ley line.

The what, we have to find something that's important to him.

Mm, something the Amazing Mysterium holds dear.

That narrows it down.

(slaps table, snaps)

His wand, huh? Magician's best friend.

Way too obvious, mate.

Okay, the Amazing Mysterium will have his gang of clowns on the lookout for us.

But I figured out a way for us to go undetected.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yep.

No, no, no.

I'm not... I don't use magic.

It's not magic.

It's whimsy.

Every thief knows, if it's something valuable, it's either kept close or kept safe.

Kirby's trailer. It's patrolled by security clowns, but I bet you anything there's something in there to protect.

Take Ezekiel. Cassandra and I will get eyes on the Amazing Mysterium.

(train horn blows)

I'm telling you, it's the wand.

All right, cool your jets, Harry Potter.

What's with all the retro...

why would you keep your old school supplies?

High school yearbook?

Yeah, don't most people want to forget high school?

"Have a good summer," "have a good summer."

That's usually what you write when you forget someone's name.

He took pictures of us.

It's like a sick serial killer keeping mementos of his victims.

Not victims, friends.

And he's looking for one in particular.

(horn honks)

(slide whistle blows)

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

Everyone who works here is under the same spell.

Well, not for long.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

It isn't working.

They've been under too long.

The only way we can save them now is to find that artifact.

Welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

You loved carnivals as a kid.

I'm guessing, because you have a face that says that you would dream about being someone else.

Who did you want to be?

Not the awkward kid I was.

What about you?

I don't know.

Not a waitress who can't pay her electric bill.

You are much more than a waitress, Charlotte.

Man: Come on, line up. Water races.

This feels so familiar.

Squirt in the clown's mouth.

Try your luck?

Sure.

Now, the key is to aim slightly above...

So the water arcs down.

Why hasn't he put the spell on her yet?

Because he has feelings for her. Look, you can see it.

Oh, yeah. Totally.

He's displaying every microexpression tell in the book.

80% of how we communicate with one another is nonverbal.

When people are nervous, they run their hands through their hair.

They adjust their clothes.

When people are intrigued, they raise their eyebrows.

And cue the smile.

Oh! That is impressive.

Is that how you knew Flynn liked you when you first met him?

Nope.

He sent me a note that said, "Do you like me? Check yes or no."

That's classic.

We have to know who that woman is.

Flynn: She's Charlotte Holloway.

Another Charlotte Holloway?

Like the juggler in the hospital?

Yes, and yes.

In fact, we found these in Kirby's trailer.

Five special invitations to Kirby's carnival in five cities?

Yeah, all addressed to five different Charlotte Holloways.

Well, that's not a coincidence.

No, lawyer/juggler Charlotte was invite number five.

Seems ever since Kirby found his real magic power, he's been looking for this gal.

And when they turn out to be the wrong one, he punishes them by turning them into carnies.

How do we know that this is the Charlotte that he's looking for?

Because this is the Charlotte he's in love with.

And, go!

(bell dings)

Boy: Oh, got it, got it.

We have a winner.

No, no. No, no, no, no. He's not supposed to win. She's supposed to win.

No, it's fine. All just in good fun.

You're the special guest, Charlotte. Give... give her the prize.

Hey! Give her the prize.

Hey, what...?

(horn honks)

Excuse me for a minute.

I told you never to interrupt me when I'm with her.

What the heck is this?

You found this in my trailer?

No.

I'm sorry. Where were we?

This has been great, but I really need to get to work.

No, you can't go. You just got here.

And you have to see my show.

Maybe some other time.

No, there is no other time. You're here now.

Now I can finally give you what you've always wanted, an escape from the real world, a place where no one will ever bother us again.

Hey.

I have been looking for you for a very long time, Charlotte.

Now, you once said that you never wanted the carnival to end.

Well, tonight, after the Ascension, this carnival will live forever.

Ascension? Doesn't sound like a fun new ride.

Wait, wait. When Houdini's mother died, he became obsessed with the occult, mostly debunking it, but he wrote a letter to Arthur Conan Doyle speculating other dimensions, referring to travel there as the Ascension.

Like when the Library untethered from our reality.

So, if Kirby could send the entire carnival off to another dimension...

And anyone else that's trapped here...

Then we gotta find that new artifact tonight.

Before everything and everyone in this carnival disappears forever.

(riders screaming, laughing)

Please, I just want to go home. (crying)

This is your home now. I want to make sure you're having fun.

Are you having fun?

No.

No, no. Cards aren't fun.

I know what's fun.

Friends, join us!

Let's get silly!

Charlotte Holloway, welcome to the greatest carnival on Earth.

(forced laughter)

If he's going to Ascension this entire carnival, why's he wasting time doing a magic act?

He wants to impress her.

He keeps waving that wand around but he's not using magic on her.

He needs her affection to be real.

No, I bet it's the wand.

What?

I mean, what else would a magician be attached to?

Plus, he uses it all the time.

Unbelievable.

He's so delusional, he doesn't even realize his power is in the wand.

Wow, I wish I would've thought of that.

Oh! Oh, wait a minute! I did!

All right, guys, we need to get a read on the wand using the magic spectrometer.

Well that might be a problem.

We kind of lost it.

You lost it.

You lost the magic spectrometer?

Do you know how much those things cost?

All right, guys. I've got a plan.

(growling)

Ooh!

(growling)

Baird: Grab their masks and take their place onstage.

(Kirby laughing) Yes!

Oh, come on. This is all for you.

I know what'll cheer you up.

Pies!

Everybody loves pies! Pies, pies, pies!

Everybody gets pies. Here.

Oh, direct hit! Give 'em pies. Pies, more pies.

You're still not laughing.

All right, you want to see something really funny?

Punch him.

Oh!

Come on, you hit like a girl.

Punch him!

Oh, you're not gonna take that. Go on, hit him back.

(man grunts)

Now your turn.

Wow, that looked like it really hurt.

You must be angry. I mean, angry enough to want to kill him.

(growls)

Don't worry, my friends. I know exactly how that feels.

You see, Charlotte. My friends are dying to entertain you.

(gasps, growls)

Give him the baseball bats.

What now?

No, Jones.

We're not giving him the bats. They'll kill each other.

Please stop this!

(gasps)

(growling)

Give 'em the baseball bats.

(growling)

Please, please, you can't do this!

Why are you doing this?

I don't know, maybe because you're a kidnapper.

Or just a sadist who doesn't understand the power of true magic.

I don't understand magic?

Magic flows through me.

I'm the greatest magician in the world.

No, you're not.

A real magician would use technique and skill and finesse.

Flair and showmanship, of which you have none.

Yeah, Houdini, Dante, Blackstone, they were the real deal, not you.

You're a fraud.

True magicians are masters of illusion.

Disguise...

Escape artistry...

And sleight of hand!

Let's leave magic to the professionals, mate.

(chuckles) I don't need a magic wand in order to be the greatest magician in the world.

Um... guys, I can't move.

I guess that's not the artifact?

See, Stone, I told you it wasn't the wand!

Kirby: Take 'em away.

Let 'em find out what it means to not be my friend.

(clowns laughing)

You all ruined my show, and right during the grand finale!

Since I can't have you causing any more problems, congratulations.

You're all about to become a permanent part of my House of Horrors.

(Kirby laughing)

Wax friends don't cause trouble.

I really thought it was the wand.

If it's not the wand, what could it be?

I don't want you to be afraid of these people anymore.

All right? I'll make it so that none of them bother us ever again.

"Doubt truth be a lie, but always know, I love you."

Actually, it's "doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love."

"Hamlet," Act 2, Scene 2.

Don't correct me.

Don't be wrong.

(clown growls)

Once they're taken care of, I will perform my final trick, and then you and I and this entire carnival will live on.

Please, Mysterium, I don't know what I did to you, but I'm so sorry. I just want to go home.

The greatest gift a man ever bestowed upon a woman, and you still don't even know who I am.

I was invisible to you, and once you said, "I love the carnival."

And so I recreated it for you, exactly as it was before!

Before? There was another carnival?

In Kirby's trailer, there was a poster, a carnival in Green Town, Kansas.

So everything here is a recreation of a carnival from his childhood?

I did this all for you, just for you.

You don't care.

No...

I won a prize for you, and you walked away from me.

Well, you can't walk away this time.

You will understand. You will all understand when you are frozen in wax forever!

Come on, Charlotte, think.

I don't know what he's talking about.

Winning me a prize?

That prize could be what's powering his magical mojo.

Whatever it is, it obviously has incredible emotional significance for him.

Try and remember.

I went to the carnival every summer.

I don't know when I could've met him.

1996, to be exact, at a carnival just like this one. Everything about Kirby's exactly the same as the magician on the poster that he wants to be.

Everything but the flower on the lapel.

The flower?

Wait, did you say "Kirby"?

Kirby.

Kirby Goulding?

You know who I am?

Of course I know who you are, Kirby.

You were my friend.

You're lying.

You're just saying that to save yourself.

No, no, it's true.

We had math together, Mr. Crane's class.

And I remember we went to the carnival together.

We played the water pistol game.

Yes, we did.

And you won. A flower.

I remember everything about that night.

Do you remember walking away to go off with that magician and just leaving me?

I went to get us tickets for the magic show, but when I got back, you were gone.

I would never leave you.

You wouldn't?

You were such a sweet kid.

I thought you were cute.

And that amazing and beautiful flower, you won it for me.

I did.

I've wanted to give you this for 20 years.

We can be friends again.

Oh, Kirby.

We could never be friends again.

Why not?

'Cause you're a total psycho now!

How dare you. Do you know who I am?

A pathetic loser who's just lost his super-charged flower power?

Go get them. Get them!

They're not under your spell anymore.

Give me the flower.

Give me the flower!

Give it to me now!

Yoo hoo!

Give it to me.

Give it to me right now!

Don't you dare! No, no, no!

Excuse me. Sir?

Might be... might be my sister.

Zeke: It just appeared, all right?

I'm telling you. A whole carnival right here on my land.

That's why I called you FBI guys in the first place.

We're not with the FBI, sir.

We're with DOSA, the Department of Statistical Anomalies.

All right, well, whoever you are, I'm just glad I got my land back.

And you have no memory of who was behind all this?

Thank you.

He was a sweet kid.

Nerdy, but not sick.

What happened?

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Nothing more powerful than magic.

Except knowledge.

I can't believe you thought it was the wand.

This new artifact proved to be very dangerous.

Something like this could happen again.

Yes, if we do not get the ley lines under control this new wing for modern artifacts will fill up rather quickly.

And next time, we may not be so lucky.