John Gotti, life in prison...
...no chance of parole.
We've seen prosecutions in Florida and elsewhere of top Mob figures.
What are you doing?
Put that back.
[BOXING MATCH COMMENTARY]
What's the situation on the ground today, right now, in the Mob?
...vacuum at the top.
ANNOUNCER: What caused it?
Your sister's ass.
BRAUN: Policy over two decades...
...to behead the crime families.
ANNOUNCER: But wasn't it, at least in part...
...a disregard within the Mob itself...
...of the rules that served the old dons so well?
- If the shoe fits.
BRAUN: No doubt.
Sil. Cheer me up, babe.
Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.
Is that Pacino or is that Pacino?
ANNOUNCER: Vincent Rizzo.
ANNOUNCER: Former soldier in the Genovese family.
Government witness turned best-selling author.
Do you agree with U.S. Attorney Braun?
The party's over.
- He is a wiseguy. Elaborate.
RIZZO: It's not like it was.
- Mexicans are huge in that.
- Because they work as parking valets.
RIZZO: Do I mean that organized crime...
...will go the way of the dodo bird?
[BRAUN CONTINUES TALKING]
- What the f*ck are you talking about?
- What about them?
- Cell phones.
I'm not talking about cloning cell phones.
I'm talking about f*cking sheep!
I tell my kids, "Only God can make a life."
A guy here asks, "What if they had cloned Princess Di?"
But you know, the heydey?
You know, the Golden Age...
...or whatever, of the Mob?
And that's never coming back.
They have only themselves to blame.
They pay this chiacchierone by the word?
RIZZO: I think it ruined everything.
You're looking at a mandatory to life in prison.
Guys started to rat so they could avoid prosecution.
What's going on with that Princess Di?
Do you think the royal family had her whacked?
Last time I take a limo in Paris.
Like you were ever in Paris.
I went for a blowjob.
Your mother was working the bonbon concession at the Eiffel Tower.
You hear what I told him? "I went over for a blowjob.
Your mother was working at the Eiffel Tower."
I got a list of people I wouldn't want cloned.
The mayor of New York, that's the guy least likely to get cloned.
So the code of silence, the omertá, or whatever, just went by the boards.
You're always gonna have organized crime. Always.
As long as the human being has certain appetites...
...for gambling, pornography or whatever.
Someone's always gonna surface to serve these needs. Always.
Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.
- You got DVD players?
- Don't hurt me.
Only people who get hurt are the jerk-offs.
Now step down, nice and easy.
He's got the DVD players.
Quick and painless.
Not to hurt you.
You gotta tie me up.
- You gonna be a jerk-off?
- My boss'll think I'm in on it.
We look like we want a merit badge?
We travel with rope?
I've got some in the cab.
Please, I need this job.
Okay, get the rope.
I don't know who gave the route, but there's no way I'd go unscathed...
- ...without being fired.
- You want to be scathed?
So it looks like I didn't give up without a struggle.
- That's cool. Thank you.
Ow! That's good!
CHRIS: He's scathed.
Mr. Miller, my science teacher, he got his car stolen.
From where? His house?
Mm-mm. His parking spot at school.
A Saturn. He only had it a year.
MEADOW: The security people are a joke.
Did you hear what A.J. just said? Mr. Miller's car got stolen.
Refresh my memory. Who is he?
He's your son's science teacher.
You're up early.
He just bought that car a year ago.
So? Insurance will pay.
They don't give full value.
These poor teachers, they don't make a lot.
So he can work his summer vacation.
You could help find it.
I thought I told you I changed my name from LoJack to Soprano.
Laugh. I'd pee in my pants.
Pussy's got the body shop.
He couldn't ask?
MEADOW: I'm late.
- What are you getting in science?
- See what I can do.
- That's not what I meant.
He's gotta work for his grades.
[TONY CONTINUES SINGING]
I'm going back to bed.
- Bye, Dad.
- See you later.
Here, eat this.
CHRIS: Technology comes to the Bing!
SILVIO: Hey, where you been?
SILVIO: Come on.
CHRIS: Let's go.
TONY: Hey, is the load here?
If Serge calls, I'll be back.
These new phones, hold, conference, sometimes I get confused.
How complicated is it?
Answer the phone, take the message.
Voice mail only comes on if you let it ring.
Jesus Christ, Georgie.
I hear there's not as many titles as on laser.
There's more coming.
My internist said the picture's not that different.
But the sound...
Good. Nothing beats popping up some corn and listening to Men in Black.
- f*ck it!
- It's the damn wires, that's all!
I'll hook it up.
I used to be an installer.
Why can't you be nice to Brendan?
We discussed that.
I was gonna come looking.
It's the guy.
I'll take it over there.
Press "hold" when you transfer a call.
I'm sorry, Tony.
Now he's not gonna call back.
Brendan's a good earner, T.
This jack was his plan.
He's a good kid, but I don't like meth.
f*ck, I gotta call my mother.
- Hello, Ma?
Oh, look who calls.
- How you doing?
- I was wondering when you'd call.
You can stop wondering now.
This is it, I'm calling you.
I called yesterday.
You were supposed to call me back.
I phoned your house.
Some operator answered. I couldn't understand a word she was saying.
That's not an operator, that's an answering machine.
Oh, fancy, fancy.
Here, let me turn the heat off under these mushrooms.
You and Mom are like peas in a pod.
She can't master the phone, but she's . What's your excuse?
What is she doing now?
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God!
Where is she?
- Who is this?
- It's Anthony!
The mushrooms, they're on fire!
Get the fire extinguisher under the sink!
Oh, my God!
The wall's getting all black!
Ma, hang up and call .
The guy's on the second line.
- Aren't you coming over?
- You press "hold," goddamn it.
I can't, I'm minutes away.
You hang up and you call .
Leave the house.
Look at how I live!
Ma, hang up and call .
My mother's got a fire in the kitchen.
- Oh, my God.
- She's calling . Go there.
- I'm on my way.
- Thank you, baby. I know you're busy.
I can't talk now.
I gotta go to an outside line.
All right. I'll call you back.
Is your mom okay?
sh1t cannot go on like this.
Hey, T. Hey, T.
This teacher, his car, you got a plate number?
Call my wife.
- Have a nice day.
I wish you'd let me get somebody to help you.
- You shouldn't be alone.
- Help me what?
- With the housework.
- I have my ways.
A stranger could care less about doing it right.
Can I tell you something though, Ma?
You need company.
Don't start with that nursing-home business again.
This is not a nursing home.
It is a retirement community.
You want me to make you pastina?
Something in your stomach?
Ma, now, I've told Tony...
...and I've told you many times.
You can come live with us.
I know when I'm not wanted!
I invited you to share my home.
If you want me to beg, that's different.
Leave this place that my husband and I shared?
Well, change can be a positive.
He was a saint.
That son of mine, is he still having those fits?
They're not fits, Ma.
They're anxiety attacks.
You know, he's on medication.
What BMW's charging us for paint?
O trippa di zia.
- It's been that way for six months.
- When was I last here?
We maybe caught a break.
Watchung Avenue said some guys brought a Saturn trying to load it for parts.
Are you saying this car's for Tony and leave it all in one piece?
It's for the kid's teacher.
My guy said one of those goofballs had a uniform on from Buttfucks.
Whatever, the coffee shop. I guess the guy works there.
Watchung and what?
I'm f*cking Rockford here.
CASHIER: Decaf cappuccino Primo, non-fat Magnifico, double espresso regulare.
I'll take you here.
I think I'll have an espresso.
Paul, you want anything?
They got any just coffee?
Our café du jour is New Zealand Peaberry.
That's $ . . Pick up there.
One medium du jour, one single espresso.
Here, keep it.
Honey, let me ask you.
My wife was in the body shop around the corner the other day.
The guy in front of her leaves and she sees he dropped...
...his money clip.
But he was already gone.
We'd like to give it back.
She said he was wearing a uniform like that there.
Real black hair.
Tall? Little earring.
These stores are everywhere.
Yeah, tell me about it.
f*cking Italian people.
How'd we miss out on this?
- f*cking espresso, cappuccino.
We invent it and these cocksuckers are getting rich.
Isn't it amazing?
It's not just money.
It's a pride thing.
All our food, pizza, calzone, buffalo mozzarella...
These f*cks had nothing.
They ate puzzi before we gave them our cuisine.
But this, this is the worst.
This espresso sh1t.
Take it easy.
She finally agreed to have somebody come in days.
Carmela called an agency, and they sent over this Trinidadian woman.
But no matter what I do, I feel guilty.
The real reason is, I can't let her live with us.
That doesn't seem practical, given her personality.
Well, it's my wife.
She won't allow it.
Where are your sisters in this?
They cut it off with her long ago.
No way she's bunking with them.
So you're carrying all this guilt when your mother is clearly someone...
...who has difficulty maintaining any relationship.
But she's my mother.
You're supposed to take care of your mother. She's a little old lady.
Not to you.
She's very powerful.
You accord this "little old lady"...
...an almost mystical ability to wreak havoc.
Let me tell you. You definitely don't want to get her started.
There are some people who are not ideal candidates for parenthood.
Come on. She's an old sweetie-pie.
What were some of the good experiences you remember as a child?
The loving warm ones?
One time we were down at the shore.
About ' , ' , the whole family.
My father, he tripped and fell down the stairs, and we were all laughing.
The whole family was laughing.
My mother was laughing.
Any other loving experiences?
Hey, she's a good woman.
She put food on the table every night.
I'm the ungrateful f*ck.
I come here, complain about her...
...and I let my wife exclude her from my home.
- You Perrilyn?
TONY: How you doing?
PERRILYN: I'm fine.
Oh, Livia, your son is here!
And isn't he a handsome thing.
And look what he brought.
All right, listen.
Let's get one thing straight.
In the hours you're here taking care of my mother, no ganja. Okay?
Hey, Ma, fiori.
I'm not dead, unfortunately for some.
The tall ones are delphiniums.
You know, Frankie Valli when he visits Jersey?
This is the florist he uses.
Aren't they beautiful?
Want me to put them on the table?
You make sure the bottom of the vase isn't wet.
Mr. Tony, would you like some tea or something?
So how's it going today?
That ditsoon, who.
That beautiful plate Aunt Settimia took from that restaurant in Rome.
I don't know.
She seems like a nice person.
She doesn't fool me for a second.
You sure she stole it?
You didn't give it to one of the relatives?
You keep forcing your possessions on people, thinking you're gonna die.
I wish it was tomorrow.
And she's so forward too. Who does she think she is?
She's happy, Ma. She's singing.
Anthony, I don't want her around here.
I can manage somehow.
No, I'm not giving in to you this time.
Your uncle called here looking for you.
He sounded agitated.
JUNIOR: Jackie, tell them to leave Comley trucking alone.
Didn't know it was a Comley truck.
For f*cking years, Comley's put food on my table, protection money.
- Chris didn't know going in.
Want my DVD?
You can watch Grumpy Old Men.
- You gonna be a f*cking funny boy now?
You hope you and your uncle can settle, not be invited to a f*cking sit-down.
You got a crew of cowards you don't control.
Here we go.
Here we go.
You got a ruling?
The kids make restitution to Junior.
Done. It's done.
Christopher Moltisanti's a f*cking loose...
You get him out of a sick bed?
Hey, f*ck that sh1t.
Giacomino, how you feeling?
I may be acting boss while your old man's a guest of the government...
...but I wish somebody'd tell my bowels. They don't obey.
Ah, the f*cking chemo.
Maybe I should name a successor.
This day and age?
Who wants the f*cking job?
Your mom tells me you got a girl coming in to help.
All right, I gotta go.
I'll see you soon.
TONY: We okay?
The smoke he hires for his own mother.
Hey, Mikey, how's the boy?
- What boy?
- The one you sleep with.
I'm just kidding.
How's Jun treating you?
We're covering our nut. Your nephew retarded? Likes to play with trucks?
What if Jerry Lewis heard you talking like that?
No, that's muscular dystrophy, Tony.
Too bad they don't have a telethon for fuckface-itis. They find a cure?
I'm just kidding you.
Come on, you're a good sport.
You all right?
- You all right?
- I'll see you later.
SERVER: Double cappuccino suprema.
CASHIER: Double cappuccino suprema.
Thanks. Excuse me.
A guy fitting the description does work in this branch.
His name is Edguardo Arnaz.
Him and his gay lover both work here.
And I got the address.
- Paulie, are you listening to me?
Again with the rape of the culture.
Can we go find these Spice Girls and get this over with?
SERVER: Two small café du jours.
Did you say something to her?
I know how to talk to people.
Who knows what they'll take the wrong way.
So she's gone!
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Traffic and weather on this Tuesday morning.
HEATHER: There's a delay as you get out of the Lincoln Tunnel.
About a -minute delay if you're approaching near Deer Route .
The queue beginning just before the Bergen Viaduct.
TONY: You had orders. Why didn't you pay his restitution?
BRENDAN: Restitution, okay. But you know how much your uncle wants? $ .
You got the wrong truck, that's what happened.
I didn't notice you rushing to give back your f*cking DVD player.
I'm enjoying it very much.
I screened The Bank Dick last night. "Did you warble, my little wren?"
I'm not gonna pay it.
- Oh, yeah?
- I'm serious.
Serious is what happens if you don't pay, by me.
In my thoughts, I use the technique of positive visualization.
How come I always feel undermined?
By what I did on the Triborough Towers alone, I should've been made. Boom!
I'm f*cking serious, Tony.
The books are closed.
Did you talk to Jackie about me?
They're not accepting any new members, okay?
You know, you got a reputation for immaturity...
...and it's not helping, not paying the tributes the acting boss demands.
Acting boss, my ass.
Everybody knows you really run things since Jackie became the "chemo-sabi."
Open the f*cking door.
Open the f*cking door!
BRENDAN: Ow. Oh.
All right. f*ck it.
But grand is too much!
I'll tell you what.
You give me the K, I'll talk to Uncle Junior...
...and maybe I can get it to around .
One more thing.
You leave Comley Trucking and every other item that belongs to Jun...
...including his hemorrhoid doughnut, the f*ck alone. Got it?
"Did you warble, my little wren?"
What will his commission will be?
Two, three grand. Ten to Junior.
We're lucky we net bucks from the whole thing.
ARNAZ: Who is it?
What do you want?
You seen a schoolteacher's Saturn around here?
Anybody else here, Desi?
JEROME: Eddie, I'm ready.
Here comes Lucy.
JEROME: Those people at the airport shuttle are always late.
You boys drove off in the wrong car.
We ain't saying sh1t until there's an attorney.
Well, go ahead. Make a statement.
I got f*cking Johnny Cochran here!
PUSSY: You boys put a crimp in my week.
- Ah, mannaggia!
PUSSY: Get over there.
PAULIE: Hey, Puss, here's the f*cking set.
PUSSY: f*cking car's been chopped. Useless.
That's not it.
Then why is that car inside there?
Why is that m*therf*cker wearing the f*cking plate number I had all week?
- I don't know.
- Here's what's gonna happen.
The two of youse are climbing over that fence and shagging those plates.
But the razor wire.
Then one of you stays with us while the other goes and gets another Saturn.
- On the lookout for ducks?
- Know the old man pretty good.
Don't look so sad. Remember how pissed you were about the pool filter?
They were special, them coming here, huh? Don't you think?
I wasn't into it.
What time's Grandma getting here?
She had to drive Fanny to the doctor's.
Then she is picking up my parents and they're coming here.
They're each bringing some antipasto.
I complain about my mother, about how she just sits at home...
...and feels sorry for herself.
But she's always ready to drive those friends of hers that can't drive.
I'm proud of her. It gives me hope.
FANNY: It's getting chilly out here.
Make plenty of noise before you open the front door.
You never know who's in there.
There's my Star-Ledger. Thanks.
Oh, this street, another pain in the ass.
She broke her wrist on the steering column.
A minor concussion.
What about the other woman?
We were at the hospital till a.m...
...talking to her doctor and the staff gerontoligist.
They say she shouldn't live alone anymore.
She can't manage the telephone.
Yet you say she's healthy and alert.
Like a bull.
I'm just thinking.
I know there are other doctors there, but you know from your own life...
...that depression can cause accidents, poor performance or worse.
So, what are you saying?
Unconsciously she tried to whack her friend?
It's interesting that you would even take that from what I said.
Either way, she could need a change in her living situation...
...be around more people.
We were looking at Green Grove.
It's a beautiful facility.
It's more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes.
- But to her it's a nursing home.
- She needs to see the distinction.
That, in fact, she's embarking on a rewarding chapter.
I know seniors who are inspired and inspiring.
CHRIS: You're not forgetting us, buddy?
Hey, Kenny Portugal said to say hello.
Oh, yeah. Kenny.
The f*ck is with this cocksucker?
BOUNCER: Back up! Mr. Scorsese, good evening.
CHRIS: Whoa! Wow!
Kundun! I liked it.
So my boy at Comley...
...said there's a load of Italian suits.
Those unload fast. Mario'll take the whole load.
He says shipment moves Thursday at a.m.
Give me one good reason I should not jack this truck.
It's Junior's own fault. He gives us no choice except to do it again.
Taking that outrageous tribute.
He sh1ts on our heads, we're supposed to say thanks for the hat.
I'm getting nowhere playing by the rules. f*ck Tony.
"The books are closed." Blow me.
That's some true sh1t.
They're not confirming any new made guys. How come?
f*cking chaos. Nobody knows who's running things anymore.
Guys don't know who to make payments up the ladder to in some cases.
I'm talking about the year .
Where do we go from here?
Ma, this Virginia ham...
Go on, get yourself some more.
No, I'm full.
It's good, though.
You never let me feed you.
So getting back to what we were talking about.
- You want that lamp?
- Lie down.
That lamp, that's real ormolu. You know what that's worth when it's new?
We're fixed good lamp-wise, thank you.
Take it and take the Barcalounger.
Somebody's gotta take this stuff before I die.
Otherwise there's gonna be a lot of stuff here...
...that the junkman's gonna have to cart off to the dump.
Mom, you're not gonna die. Your stuff won't be hauled off to the dump.
Plan for the future. The most rewarding chapter of your life's coming up.
- You know my good jewelry?
- The stuff Dad gave you.
Some of those pieces came right out of Cartier's window.
Listen, Carm doesn't want it.
We want you to live long and wear your sparklers to grandkids' graduations.
I gave it all to your cousin Josephine.
The good jewelry?
She always admired it.
They don't have much.
You gave her Cartier rings, and you give me a vibrating chair?
Your wife never showed any interest in my jewels.
She never complimented me on any of it, as I remember.
Before you do more damage to yourself or your grandchildrens' inheritance...
...you'll stop living alone.
I'm not going to that nursing home.
Green Grove is a retirement community! It's like a hotel at Captain Teeb's!
A captain who owns luxury hotels or something.
I talked to Mrs. DiCaprio, and she's got a corner suite available.
It's available. It'll go fast.
Of course it's available.
You gotta stop with this black poison cloud all the time. I can't take it!
Oh, poor you!
I got problems at work, problems at home.
I got a friend diagnosed with cancer.
Most parents would be grateful if their children did this!
I'm not going to that place.
I will go to court and get power of attorney and place you there.
Then kill me now.
Go on, go into the ham...
...and take the carving knife and stab me here.
Here! Now please, it would hurt me less than what you just said.
I know seniors that are inspired!
Yo, money, we said we'd meet out front, and you're not even dressed!
I'm taking a pass.
What? It's Italian suits, Christopher.
There was a time when being with Tony's crew was all I ever dreamed of.
So what am I doing?
This is some f*cking note here.
Don't wake her up.
Come on, it's : .
Maybe one reason things are so f*cked in the organization these days...
...is guys running off not listening to middle management.
"f*ck Tony." That's a quote.
We have to stick together.
Why be in a crew?
Why be a gangster?
Suck my dick.
Yo! Hey! Yo!
We need some help over here!
Okay, let's be very cool, yo!
Get down out of the cab!
You heard the m*therf*cker.
I'm a friend of Billy's.
Your friend on the inside.
Yeah, cool. "Increase the peace," that's our motto.
- I'm gonna take my lunch, okay?
- Yeah, whatever. Come on.
GANGSTER: Hold up, man.
You can't drive a Fisher Price.
What's with the gun pointed sideways?
Get out! Come on, get down!
You drive, I'll direct you.
[GUN GOES OFF]
Control your sh1t, fool!
f*ck, I'm f*cked! f*ck!
f*ck! Junior-fucking-Soprano's gonna go ape-shit. f*ck!
You excited about coming to live with us, hon?
You will be. Trust me.
Look, Ma, here's your stuff.
- Wow, they made good time.
You got your own bed and your dresser.
You know, when my grandmother went to live... elsewhere...
...they weren't allowed personal effects.
All right, Ma, sign right here.
Mr. Soprano, do you have an Uncle Junior?
He tracked me down here?
Line two? Here you go.
I'll call him back.
He'll return the call. He did?
It's urgent. She said he sounded upset. He'll call back.
Livia, did you ever hear the old Italian saying? My aunt used to go:
"Col tempo la foglia di gelso diventa seta."
What's that mean, Bonnie?
Time and patience change the mulberry leaf to silk.
You gonna be all right?
Thanks for all your help.
I'll make us a nice lunch.
I've got some fantastic prosciutto in there.
Yeah. It's Christopher.
I've been calling for hours.
Call me on an outside line.
T, don't get mad.
There's been a little sh1t.
- I had nothing to do with it...
- Spit it out!
Brendan hit Comley again.
- And the driver, you know...
- No, I don't know.
He caught some friendly fire or something and he's gone.
What do we do, T? Brendan didn't fence the load.
He's thinking it was Mario who dimed us to Junior last time.
SILVIO: Hey, Ton.
Sorry you have to wreck your Saturday like this.
TONY: You boys. You boys, I'll tell you.
It's beautiful stuff, though.
- Ton, I'm so sorry.
- Shut up.
Just so you realize I had nothing to do with this.
- Ton, that's true. He stood home.
- Shut up.
Did you do anything to stop it?
Did you offer any guidance?
What do we mean when we say leadership, hm?
Part of it's the crank. But I'm going into detox, swear on my mother.
Brendan, shut the f*ck up. You want to get me clipped?
What are we gonna do?
You're gonna put these suits back in the truck and give them back.
Then call my uncle and tell him it's done.
What about the dead guy?
Prod him with a stick. Light a candle to St. Anthony.
But I think you're f*cked.
...what if this didn't go back?
Would it be a problem?
I don't see you assholes putting that rack, and that rack...
...and this rack here back in the truck.
Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.
MR. MILLER: Hey, Mr. Miller, your car is back.
My wife dropped me off and there it was, in my parking spot.
My Uncle Pussy helped my dad locate it.
He's in the car business.
I don't know what to say to your dad, I mean, thanks of course.
It's nice and clean too.
Whoa, different keys!
It's probably too much to hope my papers are still inside the trunk.
WOMAN: It's a different color.
MR. MILLER: Whoa. Ooh.
My dad's a hero.
MELFI: Did you actually lose consciousness like with the ducks?
Just a shortness of breath and the white spots in my field of vision.
Because I'm sad to put my mother away?
Sad is good. Unconscious isn't.
She'll be in very good hands.
You've done the best for her.
She won't speak to me.
That is sad.
But whose choice is that?
Somehow that doesn't make it any better.
Can you admit to yourself that yes, you're sad...
...but you're angry and full of rage?
It's hard to admit that...
...you may have feelings of hatred towards your mother, isn't it?
You're out of your tree.
Listen carefully. Of course you love her.
What I'm trying to say is, own the anger instead of displacing it.
Otherwise it defines your life. It needs to be acknowledged.
It's a good thing time is up.
I don't want to talk to you anymore.
"Hate your mother."
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
A what do you call it? A menu.
Press two if you know your party's extension.
Is that an operator or an answering machine?
Let's see. Hello? Hello?
Press zero. Hello?