04x01 - Lucy Cries Wolf

Complete collection of episode scripts for the TV series, "I Love Lucy". Aired October 1951 - May 1957.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


Lucy & Ricky Ricardo live in New York, while Ricky tries to succeed in show business -- Lucy who is always trying to help -- usually ends up in some kind of trouble that drives Ricky insane.
Post Reply

04x01 - Lucy Cries Wolf

Post by bunniefuu »

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

More coffee, Ricky?

Ricky?

Hello, back there.

Coffee?

Hmm?

Hey, what are you doing?!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, the least you can do is warn a
guy

before you scald him to death.

Well, I asked you if you wanted more
coffee

and I thought you said yes.

Si queria cafe caliente...
ponle en la copa.

Look, I'm sorry I b*rned you.

I was just trying to keep busy.

It's no fun sitting here watching you
read the paper.

Okay, okay.

I didn't think I was being so rude.

Well, that's better.

Here.

Wait a minute.

You take this one, huh?

My, that's interesting.

Did you read...?

Why is it that the news always look
grinner

at the other side of the breakfast
table?

I don't know.
It just looks grinner.

Well, if I'd been this woman, I'd
have left my husband.

Listen to this.

"Two armed thugs entered and robbed
the apartment

"of George T. Craig at East th
Street last night,

"tying Mrs. Craig to a chair

"and leaving with an estimated $ ,

worth of jewelry, silver and furs."

Well, that's too bad, but I don't see
why you're, uh...

Now, just wait.

"Craig, an accountant

"was working in his office at the
time of the robbery.

"Mrs. Craig had called earlier

"to report that she thought she heard
prowlers

"and urged her husband to come home.

"and found my wife bound and gagged

"and the apartment ransacked.

None of the goods was insured,
admitted Craig."

Isn't that awful?

Terrible.

It's unforgivable.

I should say so.

Imagine not being insured.

Oh, you missed the whole point.

What do you mean?

That man didn't love his wife very
much

or he would have come home

the minute he thought she was in
danger.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
right.

Sure.

What would you do?

What would I do about what?

Well, if I called you and told you
there were prowlers,

you'd come right home, wouldn't you?

What for? We're insured.

Well, it's nice to know how you
really feel.

I was just kidding.

I'll bet you weren't.

Of course I was.

Well, if I called you at the club

and told you there were prowlers,

would you come right home?

The minute you call.

What if you were busy?

It wouldn't matter.

What if you were doing a number?

Would you leave in the middle of it?

Right between the "baba" and the
"loo."

Oh, honey, you're wonderful.

Thank you.

Would you really come home the minute
I called?

If I had the slightest hint

that you were in any kind of danger,

I would come flying from the ends of
the earth.

Hmm...

(sighs)

Hello. I'd like to speak to Mr.
Ricardo, please.

This is Mrs. Ricardo.

Well, even if he is in rehearsal,

I have to talk to him right away.

Hello, Ricky?

Ricky, listen, a horrible,
strange-looking man

just came to the front door

and-and he said that he was trying to
sell something

and I didn't believe him,

so I slammed the door in his face

and-and then a few minutes later,

I-I heard something on the fire
escape

and-and I think I saw his face.

And, oh, he was just
horrible-looking.

He had big, bulgy eyes

and-and he had a long, black, droopy
mustache

and-and long, snaggly teeth.

And-and he was about seven feet tall.

You'd better hurry home, honey.
Hurry! Hurry!

Lucy! Lucy!

Where are you, Lucy?!

Here I am.

Where?!
Where?!

Are you all right?

Oh, are you all right?

Where is he?
Where is he?

Who?

Well, Ricky just phoned

from the club and said some
evil-looking man

was trying to break into the
apartment.

Yes, he said he had a long, black
beard

and he was eight feet tall!

Oh, you mean he told you to come over
here and protect me

until he could get here, huh?

Nope. He just wanted us to call him
back

if anything was wrong.

How do you like that?

Here I am in terrible danger

and all he does is sit by the phone.

Are you in terrible danger?

Of course not.

Oh, Lucy, what is all this?

Well, I read in the paper this
morning

where some woman called her husband

and told him that there were prowlers

and he didn't come home and their
house was robbed.

So?

So, that proves that

that man did not love his wife.

So, I just called Ricky to find out
if he really loved me.

Oh, no.

And, apparently, I got my answer.

I could have been m*rder*d

while he was waiting for you to call
him back.

You still might be.

Fred... Fred.

Oh, honestly, Lucy,

how could you pull a stunt like this?

Oh, my heart's still pounding.

Yeah, mine, too.

Now, listen, Lucy,

my blood pressure has better things
to do

than play "he loves me, he loves me
not."

Well, maybe someday

some-something will really happen to
me

and then you'll be sorry.

Do you want to bet?

Oh, Fred.

Come on, we'd better call up Ricky

and tell him it was just a false
alarm.

All right.
Never mind.

I'll call him.

Okay.

I have to speak to Mr. Ricardo,
please.

This is Mrs. Ricardo again.

Ricky! Ricky, where are you?!

That man is still here!

He-he-he hid in the closet; h-he's
got a g*n and...

and when the Mertzes came in,

he made me tell the Mertzes...

Aa-ahh, oh, no!

No! No! Don't do that!

Please, please! Help!

Help! Ricky!

Ri-Rick!

(gagging): Rick! Rick!

Okay, Lucy, you can stop now...

Oh, honestly, how far can you go?

Come on, Lucy.

Ricky knows you're just calling him
to test him.

Lucy?

You can come out now.

We know you're fooling.

Lucy?

Lucy?

Fred! Fred!

Oh...

Now what?

Fred, Fred, look at this room.

This time I think

something really has happened to her.

She's not here.

Did you look every place?

Well, I looked every place except the
bedroom.

Let's look in there.

She's got to be around here
someplace.

Okay.

ETHEL: She isn't here.

FRED: Well, you look in the bathroom

and I'll look in all the closets.

ETHEL: The closets.

No, she isn't in there.

She wouldn't go away and leave the
baby.

She never has; she's got to be around
here someplace.

I think I'd better call Ricky.

FRED: Oh, I wish you wouldn't bother
him.

EHTEL: Oh, he'd never forgive me if I
didn't call him, Fred.

FRED: Oh, I don't want to disturb him
now.

He's down there rehearsing.

ETHEL: ...if anything like this
happened to us,

you know, you know he'd want you to
call him.

FRED: She'll show up in a minute.
Just take it easy.

Well, I didn't look in here.

No, you didn't look in there.

No, she's not in there either.

Oh, Fred...

I think this time something really
has happened to her.

Oh, now, don't be so dramatic.

She's just trying to give us a good
scare.

FRED: Lucy!

I'm going to call Ricky.

Oh, I wish you wouldn't disturb him.

I won't. I won't.

Now, tell him we're not sure.

We-we think it's one of Lucy's dumb
stunts.

May I speak to Mr. Ricardo, please?

Now, be nice and calm.

Don't worry.

Hello, Ricky, we're up here and
Lucy's not anyplace!

FRED: Ethel!

It's nothing to get upset about!

Give me that phone!

Listen, Ricky, I think it's one of
Lucy's tricks,

but we can't find her anywhere,

so maybe you'd better come on home.

Yes, come on home.

FRED: Yeah, come on home.

Don't worry. We'll take care of
little Ricky

till you get here.

Okay. Okay.
But come on home!

Yeah. Is he coming?

Yes!

What happened?!
What happened?!

Ricky, Ricky, this is just the way we
found it.

FRED: We knew you'd want to see.

Are you sure she's not hiding
someplace?

Have you looked everywhere?

In the closets and everywhere,
there's no...

I even looked behind the shower
curtain.

Oh.
While we were waiting for you,

I went around to the other
apartments.

Nobody has seen a sign of her.

Oh, I don't know what to think.

I don't know what to think now.

I don't know whether something

has really happened to her

or maybe she's just yelling tiger?

FRED: What?

You know, yelling tiger.

You mean crying wolf?

Yeah.

Oh, if anything's happened to Lucy,

I'll never forgive myself.

I shouldn't have gone away and left
her.

FRED: How do you think I feel?

I'm the one that said I wouldn't care

if something did happen to her.

What happened to her is all my fault.

I should have come home

the minute that she called me.

Just think, right now she might be in
terrible danger.

She might be hurt.

She might even be...

(weeping): Oh, I miss her already.

I said some terrible things about
Lucy,

but I didn't mean any of 'em.

She was a good kid.

ETHEL: Yes, she was.

Fred's right.

She was a good girl.

Yes, she was.

RICKY: She was a wonderful girl.

ETHEL: Yes, she was.

Hey, what are we saying?

She is a good girl.

Nothing could have happened to her!

RICKY: She is a good girl.

I bet you she's all right.

My God, if something happens to Lucy,
what...

Gee, I love her so much,

I-I just wouldn't want to live,
that's all.

I'm going to call the police.

Yes, that's a good idea.
Yeah.

Wait a minute. Supposing she's
playing a trick?

Supposing it's a gag?

Well, I don't care.
We just can't take any more chances.

(phone ringing)

Who's this now?

Hello.

WOMAN: Hello. Uh, Mr. Ricardo?

Yes?

You don't know me,

but I'm your neighbor, Mrs. Devries.

I live in the apartment building
across the street.

RICKY: Yes.

Now, I'm sure there must be a very
good reason,

and I'm sure you know what you're
doing,

but is anything wrong?

Well, what do you mean?

Well, I know your wife is a little
peculiar...

Yeah, well, look, I'm awfully busy
right now.

Could-could you call me back a little
later?

Well, uh... I certainly can

as long as you know that your wife

is sitting on the ledge outside of
your window.

Ah, well, don't worry about...

What?!

Oh, it's a good, wide ledge.

I just wanted to make sure that
everything was all right.

Oh, yes, yes, everything is just
fine.

Thank you very much for calling.

Oh, you're welcome. Good-bye.

And thank you very much

for having those costumes ready for
Thursday.

That's very nice of you.

Good-bye.

That was that fellow that, uh, I was
worrying

about the costumes for Thursday for
the new show.

Well, he called me, and he said

he'd have it ready Thursday.

But, uh, what about Lucy?

Aren't you going to call the police?

Yeah, I'll call them in a minute.

RICKY: Isn't that nice about the
costumes?

FRED: Yeah.

On second thought,

I don't think I'll call the police.

It'd be bad publicity for me.

ETHEL: That's right, Ricky.

And after all, what can the police
do?

If she's gone, she's gone, that's
all.

I'll just have to get used to it.

Gee, I'm gonna miss her though.

FRED: If you miss her too much,

you can always get a parrot

and make it nag you and throw your
money away!

No. I think the thing to do

is to get her out of my mind.

Just get rid of everything

that reminds me of her.

Ethel, would you like her clothes?

ETHEL: Oh, yes. There are a couple of
dresses I'd like.

Of course I'll have to have them
altered.

She's much bigger in the hips than I
am.

Oh, Ricky, could I have

those beautiful stone martins of
hers?

RICKY: Sure.

How about her lynx stole?

Hmm, I don't think so.

FRED: Go ahead and take it.

We can always use it for a bath mat.

You know, it's too bad

about Lucy being gone and all that.

It's a bit of tough luck all right,


but the worst part of it is little
Ricky.

Little Rick will be without a mother.

ETHEL: Oh, yes.

FRED: How about that?

RICKY: Without his mother to guide
him.

ETHEL: Oh, the poor little thing.

There's only one thing for you to do,
Rick:

You'll have to remarry.

You really think so?

You have to think of your son.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Of course I'll have to wait

a respectable length of time.

ETHEL: Oh, of course.

How long would you wait?

RICKY: About ten days.

(pounding on window)

Lucy!

Look, a dove!

Oh, it's Lucy!

Lucy!

ETHEL: Lucy!

Honey, you've come back!

Yeah, a lot you care.

I'm not even cold yet,

and you're already getting married
again!

And you go around

telling everybody I got big hips!

And as for you, you big walrus,

get your wet feet off my lynx stole!

(laughing uncontrollably)

Well, what's so funny?

(still laughing)

We knew you were outside that window
all the time.

FRED: Sure.
You did not!

Yes, we did, honey.

Mrs. Devries from across the street
called up

and told us you were out there.

(laughing)

And listen, you,

I just had about enough of these
phony stories.

Phony?! What do you mean?

Why do you think I crawled out

on that ledge in the first place?
I... I...

I was trying to escape from that
horrible man.

You should have seen him.

He was horrible.

Lucy?

Well, he was,

and he-he forced his way in here

and he chased me around and around
and around.

Well, he did!

Come on, honey, you're holding up the
game.

What's she doing?

Maybe she met another prowler.

I heard that.

Come on, honey.

If we're going to play bridge, let's
play bridge, huh?

I'm not sure I want to play with
people who make fun of me.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry, but I can't
help it.

Every time you get out of our sight,

you run into a bunch of cutthroats.

Where are they hiding this time,
under the bed?

Now, listen to me, Fred Mertz!

All right, all right, all right! Hold
it, everybody.

Now, we all know that Lucy has a very
vivid imagination

and we all know that we can't believe
one word she says.

Now, listen, whether you believe me
or not,

that man was here this afternoon.

Oh, come now, honey.

Well, he could have been.

After all, those people who were
robbed live in this neighborhood

and those thugs might still be around
here.

You know how crooks are.

No. How are they?

Oh, you know what I mean.

Once they rob one house in a
neighborhood,

they very often rob another one a
couple blocks away.

She's right, Ricky.

All the crooks I know are just like
that.

Once they find a neighborhood they
like, they stick to it.

They're a loyal bunch.

Especially the eight-foot-tall,
fiendish ones.

LUCY: Oh, you're all so smart.

Now, where are you going?

Out. I'm sure you don't care where I
go

or what happens to me, and neither do
I.

Oh, Lucy, you're going to ruin the...

Oh... now, where do you suppose she's
going?

Oh, she'll go out in the hall

and sit for a while and mope

and then she'll come back.

Honestly, sometimes she acts just
like a baby.

Yeah.

Have you ever thought of putting her
in a basket

and leaving her on somebody's
doorstep?

(chuckling)

Come on, let's play three-handed till
she comes back.

All right.
You bid, Rick.

Okay...

Ricky, she's been gone for a long
time.

Don't you think you ought to go look
for her?

That's just what she wants us to do.

She wants us to go out there and beg
her to come back.

Are you sure she's sitting out there?

I'll go take a look.

Now, shh! Keep quiet.

She's just sitting out there like a
spoiled child.

(shouting): Come on, let's play
another hand!

FRED: All right.

ETHEL: Okay.

(screaming): Help!

There she goes again.

Ricky!

Hey, you know, that was pretty good,

the way she did that.

Ricky!

Oh, that's not so tough.

Ricky! Help! Help!

LUCY: Ahh! Help!

Ricky!

Help!

Help!

You know, how about that, uh, "fading
away" effect?

That's, uh...

That's a pretty good effect.

You know, I knew a ventriloquist once

who could do that with his voice.

Is that right?
Yeah.

That's pretty clever.
Uh-huh.

She's got a lot more talent than I
give her credit for.

(thumping)

Lucy?

Lucy?

(Lucy muttering)

Now what?

Come on in, honey.

The door is open.

(thumping)

Oh, well.

Very good!

Very good!

Bravo!

Very clever.

On behalf of the academy,

it's my great pleasure to present to
you

this beautiful statuette

for the best performance of the year.

ETHEL: Bravo!

Bravo!

You know, what I can't understand is:

How did she tie herself up like this?

(muffled muttering)

Well, let's take the gag off and hear
her story.

FRED: Hey, hey, Rick.

You sure you know what you're doing?

FRED: If I had Ethel gagged like
this...

Fred! Fred.

Well, let's hear it anyway.

Must be a good one this time.

(grunting)

There we go.

What's the matter with you?
You crazy or something?

Why didn't you come out there and
help me?

Those two men could have k*lled me.

Oh, there was two men this time.

There were!

Oh.

Ricky, honest, it's true.

There really were.

Sure. Sure.

Ricky, listen to me.

Two men came down from the attic

and they grabbed me

and they-they dragged me down to the
basement.

Yes, dear. Yes, dear.

But Ricky, they do, and they're loose

somewhere in this neighborhood.

We're gonna something.

Oh, we're gonna something.

Well, what?

We got to finish our bridge game.

Ricky, please, you got to believe me!

Ricky, listen, I was sitting on the
steps

and these two men came down from the
attic and they...

Ethel, Ethel, listen to me, please.

They grabbed me, Ethel, and they tied
me up,

can't you see?

Fred!

Fred, somebody, listen to me!

Fred! Fred, they tied me up!

Fred, can't you see?
I didn't do this myself.

Listen! Somebody, listen to me!

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.
Post Reply