03x01 - Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes

[bunniefuu]

ADULT SHELDON: Some people are just natural-born worriers.

My mother, for example, could whip herself into a frenzy even if I were sitting on my bed doing nothing.

Shelly?

Shelly?

Everything okay?

Hunky-dory.

Why?

Well, you're kind of dressed like you kidnapped yourself.

Oh, I'm trying to block out sensory input.

I hit a roadblock determining whether virtual particles have a fixed mass or violate momentum conservation.

But then I remembered that Nikola Tesla believed that isolation is where ideas are born.

Who's Nikola Tesla?

One of the most prolific scientists of the 20th century.

Okay.

And, um just out of curiosity, how isolated was he?

Oh, highly.

He found human contact revolting.

[EXASPERATED SIGH]

Well, that's kind of a lonely way to live, don't you think?

Well, he wasn't entirely alone.

At the end of his life, he became good friends with a brown pigeon.

Great.

See ya.

[SIGHS]

Nobody else is stronger than I am Yesterday I moved a mountain I bet I could be your hero I am a mighty little man Have you heard from Dr.

Sturgis at all?

No.

Can you believe the hospital's still holding him for observation?

Can't you?

Well I think I just felt a neutrino.

That one went right through my pants.

You have goosegrass.

And you can't have a nice lawn if you have goosegrass.

[LAUGHING]

I mean, I'm worried about him.

I don't know how serious this is.

The whole year you were together did you see any, um warning signs?

No.

Not really.

I just thought he was another [CHUCKLES]: you know, cute, quirky egghead like Sheldon.

Speaking of which, when are you gonna tell Sheldon the truth about John?

Mm.

When the time is right.

So he still thinks he's being treated for mono?

I had to come up with something contagious so he wouldn't want to visit.

Smart.

Thank you.

You're good at lying.

You should do it more often.

I like your earrings.

COMMENTATOR: Oh, my, he's gonna be trapped!

All right, see, when you get tackled in your own end zone, the other team gets two points and the ball.

That's called a safety.

I thought one of the players was a safety.

Well, that's true, too.

I'm confused.

Now you know how I feel when you talk about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

What's confusing?

Everything you need to know is in the title.

GEORGE JR. : Dad.

How would you like to be rich?

Go away.

Aren't you even a little curious?

Does it involve me giving you money?

Yeah, but then I give you more money back.

How much more?

Way more.

You got to get in on this.

[SIGHS]

Thanks.

I'm not interested.

You're gonna regret it.

Show me.

Texas snow globes.

Ooh - [SCOFFS SOFTLY]

- The card store on Magnolia is going out of business.

They're selling these for one dollar each.

I sell 'em for five, and the money rolls in.

Does it worry you that the store selling these things is going out of business?

You have no vision.

Can I get back to the game?

Fine.

I don't need your money.

I have my own.

Then why are we having this conversation?

'Cause I'd rather lose your money than mine.

See?

Vision.

ADULT SHELDON: I've always felt the world of subatomic particles would make an excellent video game.

Uh, fortunately, thanks to my brain, I've been playing it for years.

You cheeky little muon, you know you don't belong there.

Don't look at me.

He's your kid.

[GRUNTS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Now I know that I find it Hard to play fair But somehow I wonder If you Someone likes snow globes.

I hope so.

I don't want 'em.

Okay.

What do we got here?

Farmhouse Kitchen.

[RECEIPT PRINTS]

Garfield Hangs Out.

[RECEIPT PRINTS]

The Complete Guide to Your Child's Mental Oh, look, that cute little book light I'll get that, too.

- [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

- Okay.

You still want the crazy kid book, right?

Yeah.

[RECEIPT PRINTS]

Okay, 52 Texas snow globes comes to $55.

25.

Can't you do any better?

What do you mean?

You're going out of business and I'm buying 'em all.

Give me a break.

Okay, $50.

$30.

- $40.

- $35.

- Deal.

- No, wait.

$32.

$33.

$35.

- George.

- [SNORTS]

Huh?

[GRUNTS]

Hey, that's clever.

I'm reading this book about mental problems, and I'm worried it sounds like Sheldon.

Well, stop reading the book.

Shelly and Dr.

Sturgis have a lot in common, and look what happened.

What, you mean like how he went to ADULT SHELDON: As a society, we've made strides in how we discuss psychological issues.

30 years ago in East Texas, let's just say we hadn't.

cuckoo, cuckoo.

[BLUBBERS]

- Hey.

- [LAUGHS]

That could be your son one day.

[SCOFFS]

Honey, just 'cause they're both super smart doesn't mean that they're the same person.

I mean, Sturgis was in love with your mom, so clearly he was nuts from the get-go.

You're not helping.

I'm not wrong, either.

Love you.

[GRUNTS]

Why aren't you also driving Missy to school?

I thought it might be nice for us to chat.

About Missy?

She is a bit much, isn't she?

Here's a question for you.

Do you ever see or hear things that other people can't?

Oh, all the time.

Right now, the car antenna is vibrating at the same frequency as the pistons in the motor.

It's quite irritating, but you know me I don't complain.

I meant more like things that aren't actually there.

Ah, isn't that the fundamental question of modern metaphysics?

What is actually there?

This is fun.

Missy should ride with Dad more often.

Let me try this a different way.

Um, do you ever feel paranoid, like people are out to get you?

I'm a ten-year-old in high school people are out to get me.

That's fair.

I just think if I was having these feelings, that might be scary, right?

I suppose so.

And this is something that's been concerning you?

Maybe.

Lately.

A little.

But the important thing is that we can always talk about this kind of thing with each other.

Do you have any books on mental health?

Sure.

Why?

I believe my mother is unraveling.

We have a few books on mental illness you might find helpful.

This one's a good place to start.

Have you read it?

Read it, lived it, made the mistake of talking about it on a date.

Sure.

Walk away.

They all do.

MR.

BUSTIFER: Who is it?

Georgie Cooper.

Who?

I'm your neighbor.

The one with the chickens?

No.

The ones with that weird, smart kid?

Yeah, that's my brother.

I don't like that kid.

Neither do I, sir.

What do you want?

I was wondering if you'd like to buy one of th You didn't even see what I was selling.

What?

Texas snow globes.

Dang it.

See?

It's pretty.

Why would I want that?

Well, um b-b-because it's Texas, and everybody in Texas loves Texas?

Dang it.

And if you act now, you can have this beautiful, limited edition keepsake in your home for the low, low price of only five dollars.

I hope you know I'm missing People's Court right now.

But with Christmas coming, this would make an excellent stocking stuffer.

Well, you're my grandson, and I love you so it hurts me to do this.

Dang it.

Hmm.

Oh.

Oh, dear.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, dear.

Sorry I gave you the boot before.

Does that mean you'll buy one now?

No.

You didn't sell a single snow globe?

Now, don't give your brother a hard time.

He took some initiative, and I admire that.

Thank you.

I mean, the snow globes were silly, but I bet your next idea will be great.

They're not silly.

I'm glad you feel that way, 'cause you got 50 of them.

I'm gonna sell them all just to prove you wrong.

Well, now I know it's a peeing contest between you and your daddy, I'll take two.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, all right.

Mom, you're not crazy about Dad.

- Want to buy a snow globe?

- Enough.

And I don't like us making fun of each other.

We're family and this should be a place that is safe, where we can talk about anything.

I agree.

Now, let's just say grace.

[SIGHS]

Thank you, God, for this food we are about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it.

And please keep us all in good health, body and mind.

Why are you looking at me?

- I'm not.

Amen.

- OTHERS: Amen.

[QUIETLY] : Hello?

Oh, baby.

What are you doing up?

I couldn't sleep.

Why are you up?

Same.

Do you have insomnia from anxiety?

Is that what you have?

Yes.

What are you anxious about?

Honestly, your mental health.

Me?

Why?

Well, you seem preoccupied lately, and you were asking me all those questions in the car.

I was just letting you know that if you were having any problems you could come to me with them.

You think I have mental problems?

Well, not problems.

I'm just worried about your future, and when I see you moving subatomic particles around in the air, that makes Subatomic particles are real!

You talk to an invisible man in the sky who grants wishes.

If anyone's mental, it's you.

Okay, now you are over the line.

- You apologize.

- No!

What the hell's going on?

Nothing.

It's fine.

Mom thinks that I'm crazy.

I thought we weren't supposed to say stuff like that.

Mother?

- Yes?

- Is it okay if I use a Kn*fe to butter my toast, or are you worried I'll do something crazy with it?

- You can butter your own toast.

- Oh, good.

You see the toast, too.

I was afraid I was imagining it.

- Sheldon - GEORGE SR. : All right, that's enough.

What's going on?

Nothing's going on.

Everything's fine.

I'll tell you later.

My mother believes I'm mentally unstable.

And since there's a genetic component and I'm her child, I suppose it's possible.

MARY: I know you're angry right now, but you will not be disrespectful.

You know, fits of rage are a classic sign of psychosis.

Oh, you haven't seen fits of rage yet!

I said that's enough!

Both of y'all are acting like lunatics.

You up to speed?

I think I got it.

[RINGS DOORBELL]

I already accepted Jesus in my heart.

No.

I'm selling these Texas snow globes.

I have enough crap in my house.

Crap?

You love Texas, right?

[SIGHS] : Well, sure.

And who doesn't like snow?

Sleds and snowball fights.

I remember it snowed hard here once when I was a kid.

That must have been amazing.

It was.

They cancelled school.

Me and my brother built a snow fort in the backyard.

- That's cool.

- Mm.

My brother and I love doing stuff together.

We're really close.

I hadn't thought about that day in a long time.

Well, what if that memory was just one shake away?

How much?

Five dollars.

Fine.

I'll take it.

How about you get one for your brother?

I don't know.

He married some Yankee gal and moved to Connecticut.

But he's still your brother.

Aw, what the hell.

She's gonna leave him at some point.

[CHUCKLING]

SHELDON: I don't see the point of this.

I just don't think it could hurt for us to talk to someone.

But I could be home right now wearing a blindfold, mittens and nose plug - doing something important.

- You know what?

Maybe you should mention the blindfold and mittens to the doctor.

Or maybe I'll mention how you think that God speaks to you, because I find that concerning.

He does speak to me, and right now he's saying I should wash your mouth out with soap.

Violent fantasies.

Interesting.

Salesman, where you gonna go sell All of your goods today?

Mrs.

Ebner, do you remember where you were the last time it snowed in Medford?

[LAUGHS]

: We didn't have a carrot for the snowman's nose, so can you believe we used a hot dog?

That must have been a sight.

I was with my grandchildren.

They had never seen snow before.

I taught 'em to make snow angels.

Little angels making little angels.

- You can't put a price on memories.

- Mm.

But I am running a special: two for eight.

Mm.

Hey, little princess.

This is called "snow.

" She likes it.

You always wear a smile You love it fast mand you live wild Salesman so naturally I was concerned about his well-being and was keeping an eye on him just to be safe.

It's called being neurotic.

It's called being a good mother.

This is healthy.

Communication is the cornerstone I am behaving no differently than I ever have.

Why are you suddenly so worried about me?

That is a valid question.

Has anything changed recently?

Well Maybe it's hormonal.

When does menopause typically begin?

It is not my hormones.

Well, it certainly isn't mine.

I'm showing no signs of puberty.

W You know, sometimes mothers look for issues with their children - so they can feel more needed.

- Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

That is not what's happening.

Well, then what is happening?

[EXHALES]

Baby, there's something I need to tell you.

Dr.

Sturgis is not in the kind of hospital you think he is.

What kind of hospital is he in?

The psychiatric kind.

Why?

What's going on?

He was having some issues, but he's getting the help he needs, and I'm sure he's gonna be fine.

And you think since he and I are both gifted, I'm going to end up like him?

Well, it [SIGHS]

it crossed my mind.

Sheldon, you're my baby.

It is my job to worry about you.

I can't help it.

I'm sorry I cause you so much concern.

I'm not.

Oh.

See how valuable a little communication can be?

You do not take credit for this.

MISSY: And the turtle eating the pizza is Leonardo.

How can you tell?

He's wearing blue.

And he's the hot one.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Dad, remember my silly idea?

Yeah.

Guess what?

It's snowing.

Snow Snow Snow, snow Snow Snow, snow Snow, snow, snow, snow Snow, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching.