01x08 - Cape Canaveral, Schrrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair

[bunniefuu]

I thought you didn't like taking the Lord's name in vain?

Shut up.

It's been a while?

Don't blame me.

You're the one who had a heart att*ck.

The doctor did say I needed to get more exercise.

I think he meant walks around the block.

No, he winked at me, and did this little rotation with his hips, like...

Hey, we got any plans this weekend?

I thought maybe we could get started on the vegetable garden, and then, of course, church on Sunday.

Yeah, that does sound fun, but what if, instead, I was to go up to Bethy Creek with Georgie and do some fishing?

How long you been waiting to spring that on me?

Well, not till I was done rotating my hips.

You're awful.

So what do you say?

What about Sheldon?

What about him?

George.

You can't always leave him out.

I'm not leaving him out.

You know how he is about fishing.

Get it away, get it away!

Calm down, it's an ittybitty thing.

No, I'm an ittybitty thing!

Who says you have to take him fishing?

Find something else to do with him.

Something he'd like.

What are we gonna do?

Spend the weekend sitting around, thinking?

George.

You have to make an effort.

Young boys who don't spend time with their daddies grow up to be oddballs.

Honey, I hate to tell you, but that ball is already pretty odd.

Please.

Okay, fine.

I'll talk to him.

We'll think of something.

Good.

Thank you.

What?

I was just remembering when I took him camping.

Moth!

Moth!

Sheldon, it's just a butterfly.

How is that any better?

Butterfly, butterfly!

Hey, pal.

Playing with your rockets?

I'm trying to calculate ballistic coefficients.

Well, that's fun, too.

Listen, I don't have to work this weekend, I was wondering if you wanted to do something together.

Like what?

Whatever you want.

Well, the filter on my air purifier needs to be changed.

How about a trip to Sears?

Yeah, I was thinking along the lines of something a little more active.

Like last year, we went fishing...

Mom!

Dad's trying to make me go fishing!

No, no, it's okay.

We're not going fishing.

All right, good.

But seriously, was fishing really that bad?

Mom!

Dad's trying to convince me that fishing wasn't that bad!

Shh.

Come on!

Forget I said anything about fishing.

Just think about it, and we'll do whatever you want.

Thank you.

There is the launching of the space shuttle this weekend.

Space shuttle?

Don't they do those out of Florida?

Yes.

Cape Canaveral.

Sheldon, that'sthat's like a 12, 15 hour drive.

I understand.

Never mind.

You know what?

Let's do it.

It'll be fun.

The three Cooper boys on a little adventure.

Sound good?

Sounds good.

My plan was coming together.

I just needed to get on the shuttle so I could finally escape this ridiculous planet.

Spoiler alert, I'm still here.

So, Sheldon, me and Georgie are gonna take a little road trip this weekend, see the shuttle launch.

Looks like I don't get a vote in this.

Good, you're catching on.

I wonder if we'll get to meet an astronaut.

I remember when I was a teenager, I had the biggest crush on John Glenn.

I would've given it up for him no problem.

- Mom.

- Given what up?

Her allowance.

Just eat.

So how long are you gonna be gone?

We'll leave first thing Saturday morning, stay the night in a motel, and see the launch bright and early on Sunday.

I can't believe we're going to see an actual working spacecraft.

Look how happy he is.

Good job.

How come I don't get to go?

'Cause you, me and Meemaw are gonna have our own fun.

Could we sh**t g*ns at the g*n range?

You're too young to go to the g*n range.

Meemaw took me.

We pinky swore.

What are you doing?

Yeah.

Don't listen to me.

I don't know what I'm saying.

I know you like to just keep driving, and get where you're going, but you can't ignore - his bathroom schedule.

- I know.

He goes number one first thing in the morning, then again in the afternoon, once more in the late afternoon, say 4:00, 4:30, depending on his juice intake, and then, a quick piddle before bedtime.

- "Piddle." Got it.

- Now, number two's a little trickier.

Mary?

Relax.

I can take care of my son.

I know.

Good.

I'm just saying, if he's upset or nervous, he can get all clogged up.

I won't let that happen.

Thank you.

Okay, let's talk about food.

No need to.

He likes his meat cooked to at least 165 degrees, except for chicken, which is 180.

The different foods can't touch each other on the plate.

Ketchup and mustard must come out of a packet.

No bottles.

What about his issues with spaghetti?

That's a trick question.

He likes spaghetti.

All right, I guess you got this.

Georgie.

Up and at 'em.

Missy, where's your brother?

Who cares?

- Sheldon, you in there?

- Dad!

Sorry, Georgie.

What's going on?

I can't find Sheldon.

What do you mean, you can't find him?

I mean I don't know where he is.

Well, he's got to be somewhere.

Maybe he got that time machine to work.

Where the hell...

George.

I think he's ready to go.

Wait, Georgie.

- Where's your bag?

- Don't need one.

Got my toothbrush right here.

What about clothes?

A change of underwear?

Got it.

Georgie, you're gonna be gone for two days.

I'll turn them inside out.

- Shotgun!

- No, no.

Let your brother sit up front for a change.

I actually prefer sitting in the back.

It's safer.

Come on, sit up front with your daddy.

He doesn't get to spend enough time with you.

I called shotgun.

George.

We'll flip a coin.

All right?

Georgie, call it.

Heads.

Tails.

Dang it.

Sheldon, you won.

You get to ride up front.

Can't we do two out of three?

You won.

Get in the car.

What's the point in calling shotgun?

You're a good dad.

If I don't k*ll one of them before Sunday, I'm a good dad.

Have fun.

Love you guys.

Bye!

Drive safe!

This was a good idea, this was a good idea, this was a good idea.

This was a good idea.

Isn't this exciting?

It's just us girls, no boys in the house.

The place already smells better.

So what are we gonna do?

How would you like to go to the beauty salon and get all done up?

Can I have orange hair like Cyndi Lauper?

I don't think so.

Meemaw has friends with blue hair.

She's right.

I haven't gone there yet, but after a certain age, it's mandatory.

Your hair's not changing color.

- Aw.

- Sorry, kiddo.

Your mom is no fun.

Excuse me, I'm fun.

So I can color my hair?

Not a chance.

But I'm very much fun.

Whatever you need to believe.

Mein Fuhrer.

Dad?

Yeah?

Would you like to have a conversation?

Yeah.

Sure.

Absolutely.

All right, what would you like to talk about?

Um, well, let's see.

Have you given much thought to what you want to be when you grow up?

I have.

Great.

And what would that be?

Most likely a scientist.

Unless I stay in Texas, then I'm thinking cattle baron.

Cattle baron?

Assuming I don't have to touch the cows.

Goes without saying.

Did you always want to be a football coach?

Well, I always wanted to play.

At least till I got hurt.

Were you a good player?

Not really.

I was just bigger than the other kids.

So you compensated for mediocrity by being large.

I guess.

That works for cattle as well.

Well, thanks for pointing that out.

You're welcome.

You might want to open a window.

Boy.

My head is so hot.

She is such a hoot.

- You okay?

- Fine.

Okay, don't tell me.

So hot...

I don't like you making me out to be the bad guy just 'cause I won't let my daughter do whatever she wants.

I gave you a lot of freedom, you turned out okay.

You didn't give me freedom.

You were never around.

Is that so?

I guarantee I made supper for Charlene and Edward more times than you ever did.

I basically raised 'em.

You think I was out dancing?

I was out working two jobs so your daddy could lose all our money on that damn chain of Fotomats!

It wasn't Daddy's fault that those little things blew over every time there was a storm.

Seriously, I'm melting.

Dead armadillo.

That's three for me.

This is a terrible driving game.

Is it roadkill if it's still twitchin'?

Both alive and dead, just like Schrodinger's cat.

I didn't know he had a cat.

You've heard of Schrodinger?

Sure.

It's the kid from Charlie Brown who plays the piano.

Lucy's got a crush on him.

Schrodinger's cat is a thought experiment.

A cat in a box is exposed to poison, and is both alive and dead until it is observed.

So the cat's name is Schrodinger?

No.

Well, what's its name?

Its name doesn't matter.

It does if the cat was dead.

Otherwise, what are you gonna put on his tombstone?

Not likely the cat's getting a tombstone.

It would in a pet cemetery.

Fine, the cat's name is Mittens.

Because he has little white feet?

Sure.

So, in this thought experiment, do you think Mittens is dead or alive?

There's no way of saying until you open the box.

Come on.

Optimistically, I would choose to believe he's alive.

Yes!

Thank goodness.

Dead crow.

There ain't no doubt about that one.

The toilet was sanitized for my protection.

I love this place.

Dad, can we go to Reptile World?

- No.

- They a got snake so big it can eat a whole chicken.

Well, in that case, no.

- Aw.

- Let's get some sleep.

We got to get up early if we're gonna get to Cape Canaveral in time for liftoff.

I'm so excited, I don't know if I can.

Well, buddy, you're gonna have to try, all right?

You two share that bed, I'll take this one.

- No.

- Nuh.

Come on, fellas, I'm the biggest.

It makes sense that I get a bed to myself.

- No.

- Nuh.

We'll flip for it.

Georgie, call it.

Heads.

Not your day.

Dang it.

- That looked like heads.

- Go brush your teeth.

This really works?

Your hair will look just as pretty tomorrow.

Now, come on, let's tuck you in.

I'm glad I don't have orange hair.

Me, too, baby.

I want to be more like Madonna.

Are you trying to k*ll me?

'Cause if you are, good job.

Why is she only like a virgin?

Good night!

You ready to finish our conversation?

There's nothing to finish.

I raised myself like a jungle child.

End of story.

Stop being so dramatic.

You think I didn't feel bad not being around more than I wanted to be?

Did you?

A little bit.

I'm teasing, come on.

Of course I did.

Why else would I have begged you and George to move back to Medford?

So you could be with your grandchildren.

And you.

- Really?

- Yeah.

You're the only one of my children still talking to me.

No surprise there.

Besides, you raised yourself better than I ever could.

You actually believe that?

No, but it would help my cause if you did.

Your hair looks pretty.

Enough.

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

Dad.

What?

Georgie keeps kicking me.

Kick him back.

I'd rather not touch him.

You want to sleep with me?

Yes, thank you.

Yeah.

Got enough room?

Yes.

You throw off a lot of heat.

Sorry.

That's all right.

It's kind of nice.

Do they launch those shuttles in the rain?

I think a light rain's okay.

No.

It'll pass.

Just get some sleep.

It didn't pass.

Sheldon, I'm real sorry.

Can I tell you a secret?

I never understood how lightning works.

Didn't they teach you that in high school?

They probably did, but I got hit in the head a lot playing football.

Would you explain it to me?

Well, when positive and negative charges grow large enough, a giant spark occurs in the cloud.

Thatthat's pretty cool.

What causes the thunder?

It's a shock wave from particles heated to 10,000 degrees.

Interesting.

You want to know what's really interesting?

Aristotle thought that the sound of thunder was due to a collision between two clouds.

He believed the clouds were expelling air, in the way a log on a fire crackles...

I didn't realize until years later that my father was only asking questions about lightning and thunder to cheer me up.

In fact, he would often pretend to be dumb just to make me feel better.

Looks like rain.

My brother, on the other hand, didn't have to pretend.

Okay, on the count of three, we run to the car.

- Ready?

One, two...

- Wait.

I want shotgun going back.

Fine, you get shotgun.

Okay, here we go.

- One, two...

- I still think we should wait till the rain slows down.

No, we got to get home.

I got work tomorrow, you guys got school.

You do realize I'll get wet?

It's just water, Sheldon.

All right.

Just making sure you realize.

All right, here we go.

Ready?

One, two, three.

Buddy, I thought we had a plan.

You had a plan.

I never did get to see a launch in person, but that was the best trip I ever had.

I wish I had told my father while he was alive.