05x08 - The Grand Chancellor and a Den of Sin

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

A secret casino room?

The cops shut me down.

Let's get this going again.

(slot machines whirring)

How we doing?

There's a problem with the cashbox.

Oh, what's that?

Can't get it to close.

That is my kind of problem.

ADULT SHELDON: Let's talk
about the glory of meetings.

What's not to love?
Agendas, detailed minutes,

and if you're lucky, they begin and end

with the soothing sound
of discipline and rules.

Ah.

You can imagine my frustration

when I found out East Texas Tech

had faculty meetings that
I was not allowed to attend.

- Excuse me.
- Not that I didn't try.

Goodbye, Sheldon.

SHELDON: Darn it.

(quiet chatter)

Sheldon, out.

Aw.

(quiet chatter)

Sorry, I thought you were
an irritating young man

that won't leave me alone.

SHELDON: That's rude.

Out.

So, how was it?

Did any subcommittees get formed?

No, Sheldon, it was
just a budget meeting.

Ooh, budgets, do tell.

Most of it was about reducing
the gen-ed science requirement

from eight credits to four.

But that's less science
classes. Who would want that?

Apparently the administration,
the students and their parents.

- Did anyone try to stop it?
- No.

- Did it spark a heated debate?
- Not really, no.

Were you at least annoyed?

- Do I sound annoyed?
- Yes.

Well, there you go.

Hmm.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

I can't believe the
faculty is okay with this.

It just means students
who aren't science majors

need to take one class instead of two.

But that's % less.

Sheldon, this doesn't affect you.

Less science affects all of society.

And in case you haven't noticed,

I'm good at making things all about me.

Yes, I have picked up on that.

Sorry, there's nothing
I can do about it.

I understand. You're
just a cog in the machine.

In fact, why am I talking to you?

Feel free to stop.

I thought you'd be at work.

I work nights this week.

Oh, I didn't realize the
Laundromat was open late.

I did that.

People work during the day, it
seemed like an untapped market.

Smart. You know,

if you want to advertise your new hours,

you could take out an ad
in the church bulletin.

That ain't a bad idea.

Maybe I'm where you get it from.

Oh! It could say something like,

"Jesus washes away your sins,

and we'll wash away your stains."

(chuckles): Wow! You
are really good at this.

(laughs)

SHELDON: And do you

really want to be the president

of a university that is responsible

for the dumbing down

of scientific discourse on this campus?

I totally agree with you.

You do?

Oh, it's an outrage.

I came here to make this school

the Harvard of East Texas.

Not the...

Wh-What's your least favorite school?

MIT.

Not the MIT of East Texas.

Nice dig at MIT.

(chuckles): Well, they deserve it.

So, you're gonna keep the
science requirements the same?

If it were up to me, yes.

But you're the president.

Everyone has a boss, Sheldon.

Now, unfortunately, I
have to answer to the...

grand chancellor.

Oh. I've never heard of him.

Oh, well, he definitely exists.

Perhaps I should speak with him.

I appreciate that,
but this is my fight...

Win or lose... and I'll probably lose,

but I am gonna go down
swinging, I promise you that.

Can I help?

Absolutely.

I need you to put together

a report backing up our position.

Charts, graphs... the whole shebang.

Hmm.

Charts and graphs of what?

(stammers)

Am I helping you or are you helping me?

Uh, of course.

I'll figure it out.

I know you will.

Okay, now, get out of here.

You have a lot of work to do.

Yes, ma'am.

- (sighs)
- (door opens)

(door closes)

Kid makes me thirsty.

(coughing)

Maybe we take a little break
and let this one dry out.

You don't have to ask me twice.

(coughing)

Do you ever think about quitting?

This job? Yeah.

Since when did we start

advertising gambling rooms?

What? It's a Laundromat.

Yeah, and the massage parlor off
the freeway is for stiff necks.

(scoffs) Well, that is
a legitimate business.

My mother owns it, my son works there.

If you say so.

I do say so.

Fine.

It's true.

I'd say, "Want to bet,"

but I lost bucks last night

at your mom's "legitimate business."

Are you running a gambling room
in the back of the Laundromat?

What? No.

Peg says she was there last night.

Oh, "gambling room."

Yeah.

What are you thinking?

You know gambling is illegal.

Why do you care how
people spend their money?

Gambling destroys lives.

That's what you say about booze.

I think it's an excellent pairing.

Wait, does Georgie
know about all of this?

Um...

Oh, my Lord.

It's okay, I'm looking after for him.

What if the police show up?

Don't you worry about them.

We got an understanding.

What does that mean?

I'd explain it to you,

but you wouldn't understand.

You are unbelievable.

It is bad enough for
you to do all this stuff,

but then to drag Georgie
down into your den of sin.

Oh, please, it's not a den of sin.

Although that is a great name.

Den of Sin.

That would get some butts in seats.

(exclaims)

The chancellor said no? Did
he even look at my report?

He did, he was impressed,
but it didn't change his mind.

After all our hard work.

I know. Bummer.

But hey, we gave it our best sh*t,

so time to move on, right?

Absolutely not.

Are you sure? 'Cause it
feels like time to me.

We have to keep fighting.

If Antonie van Leeuwenhoek had given up,

where would we be?

Where would we be?

In a world without microscopes.

Because that guy invented them?

Boy, did he. At least the
first modern microscope.

He's known as the
father of microbiology.

I have a good book on
him I could loan you.

Anyway, we can't give up.

Hey, you are preaching to the choir,

but... (scoffs) I mean, what can we do?

I could write to some
science luminaries,

try get them on our side.

Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan.

Not Antonie van Leeuwenhoek. He's dead.

All right, but just on the off chance

that they're too busy to reply,

I think that you should
get out there on campus,

talk to students, change their minds.

One-on-one? That could take months.

Great.

ALEX TREBEK: Animated films.

Frog anatomy.

The Bible.

Why are you watching Jeopardy?

Sheldon's not the only one
who likes to learn stuff.

You don't know where the remote is.

It's right here.

It's just out of batteries.

Want me to get some?

- Hurry, I hate this show.
- (door opens, closes)

Is Georgie here?

No, I think he's still at work.

Do you know that that Laundromat
is just a front for gambling?

- MISSY: Cool.
- Missy Cooper,

that was not for your
ears. Go to your room.

So, what's this all about?

My mother is running a gambling room

out of the back of the Laundromat,

and she has Georgie helping her.

They never invited me.

George.

We have to get him out of there.

Mary, we told him not
to drop out of school,

he dropped out of school.

Told him he couldn't
have girls in the garage,

he has girls in the garage.

- He does?
- MISSY: So many.

(scoffs) Missy!

I'm in my room.

Well, close the door.

(door creaks slowly)

All the way.

(door closes)

The point is, he didn't listen to us then,

he's not gonna listen now.

So, we do nothing?

We let him make his own mistakes.

That just sounds like another
way of saying we do nothing.

I'm gonna go down there.

And that's a mistake
I'm gonna let you make.

(sighs)

(TV continues indistinctly)

Missy! Batteries!

ADULT SHELDON: President
Hagemeyer was counting on me

to turn the tide of public opinion

and ignite the outrage
of my fellow students.

Excuse me, would you
like to sign my petition?

It's about the university reducing

our science requirements.

(chuckles): Less science? Sweet.

No, it's to stop the reduction

and keep our science curriculum strong.

Are you hurrying off
to tell your friends?

"Ben Dover."

Thanks, Ben.

- No.
- Nuh-uh.

Nope.

Excuse me, would you like to
sign my petition about keeping

- our science requirements strong?
- Of course.

If you'll sign mine

to increase funding

for the school jazz band.

Let's pretend we never met.

ADULT SHELDON: I needed a new plan.

One where I could reach the masses.

The front page of the campus newspaper

was my best course of action.

I deployed every w*apon
in my literary arsenal.

Humor.

So funny.

Gravitas.

So moving.

Fearmongering.

So scary.

And last but not least,

heartfelt emotion.

Eh, not where I shine. I'll end on fear.

(music playing faintly on radio)

(quiet chatter)

Excuse me, if I had an exposé

that's going to rip the lid
off this university's leadership

and shine a light on its rotten core,

who would I turn that in to?

You can give it to me.

I'd feel more comfortable giving it

to someone who's less likely
to roll it up and smoke it.

Well, I'm the editor,
so it's me or nothing.

Very well.

I'm handing you the scoop of a lifetime.

Okay.

As your people say,
I think you'll dig it.

Georgie.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I know about the room in the back.

Do you know whether or not I know?

Yes.

Okay, that's gonna save us a lot of time.

It is not okay.

You are quitting right now.

Why would I do that?

Because I am your
mother, and it is wrong.

Well, I'm working for your
mother, and she says it's okay.

And I answer to a higher power,

and He says it's also
wrong, so I win, let's go.

Mom, please don't make
a big deal out of this.

Oh, so there is an illegal gambling room

in the back, and it's no big deal?

There's a gambling room back there?

And there is a church two blocks down,

so maybe try that.

Just go around to the alley.
The password is "dryer sheet."

This is not a joke.

I'm worried about your soul.

I'm not gambling. No one's getting hurt.

Georgie, I know you think
that, but this does hurt people.

It's not my business what
people do with their money.

And it ain't your business,
either, so butt out.

ADULT SHELDON: The next day,

I got to campus early to
get a copy of my article,

hot off the presses.

Normally, I don't like
getting newspaper ink

on my hands, but this was worth it.

Plus, I had Wet-Naps.

Where's my exposé?

I didn't run it.

What? Why?

You're blaming this whole
thing on a grand chancellor.

There's no such person.

Of course there is. He's
President Hagemeyer's boss.

She doesn't have a boss.
She's the president.

Yes, she does, and we've
been trying to fight him,

but he won't budge.

The grand chancellor?

Well, when you say it like
that it sounds made-up.

How would you say it?

The grand chancellor.

I've been had.

Mm-hmm. Oh.

Not now, I'm on the phone.

Oh, are you talking to
the grand chancellor?

Who I know doesn't exist,
just like your integrity.

Uh, I'll-I'll call you back.

Don't believe her!

You can't just barge into my office.

And you can't just lie to my face.

I can and I did.

Well, I'm going to start

calling you President Hage-liar,

and I think it'll to catch on

because it's both true and clever.

Look, I know you're upset,
but you left me no choice.

I knew you'd be a pain in
the ass about these cuts.

Language, and also, these cuts

are detrimental on so many levels.

Not to the university.

Look... (sighs)

My job means sometimes
making very hard decisions.

Now, I'm sorry that I lied to you,

and-and if it helps, I didn't enjoy it.

Yes, you did.

(chuckles): Yes, I did.

I mean, grand chancellor? (snorts)

I really pulled that one out of my...

Ah-ah.

...bottom.

Well, I can lie about things, too.

Did I knock your papers on the floor?

No, I didn't.

Did I move your stapler?

No, I didn't.

Ooh, did I break your pencil?

(grunts)

Yes, I did.

Hey, Mary. Quick question.

Why can I see you through my newsletter?

Oh, sorry, I had to
remove one of the ads.

Was there anything
important on the other side?

Just Peg's recipe for her grape salad.

With the mayonnaise
and the pretzels. Barf.

Everything okay?

I feel like I'm a failure as a mother.

What?

Why?

Georgie dropped out of school,

and now he's working in a gambling room.

I tried so hard to keep
him on the right path,

and now I feel like I'm
just pushing him away.

Hey, teenagers rebel.

When I was a kid

in El Paso, we used to cross the border

to drink beer and dance the night away.

I thought your father was a pastor.

He was. It didn't stop me.

It's hard to imagine.

I'm sure my father felt the same way

when he found his little
jefe doing the hustle

en la discoteca.

(both chuckle)

Just picture this, but
with a big ol' ' s perm.

I looked like a Chia Pet.

♪ Do the hustle. ♪

(music playing faintly on radio)

I still can't believe she lied to me.

Look, here's something
you should know about life:

People lie.

Everybody?

Pretty much.

Well, I don't like it.

Mm. It's not always a bad thing.

When is lying good?

Like when you're trying to
spare someone's feelings.

Oh, I'd rather everybody just be honest.

Hmm.

Fine.

The last thing I wanted to
do today was pick you up.

You said you were happy to do it.

See? Lies.

Not the worst.

I think I need to stop
blindly trusting everything.

Hmm. Probably not a bad idea.

Thanks.

I wish I could believe you.

ADULT SHELDON: Once I was
on the lookout for liars,

I saw them everywhere.

...absolutely necessary.

You're not a captain.
You're just an actor.

Which is another word for liar.

And nothing...

is more important than my ship.

He's so darn good at it, though.

(cereal crackling)

I hear no snap,

I hear no pop, only crackle.

A bowl of lies.

(indistinct chatter)

Why are you watching wrestling?

They b*at the crap out of each other.

It's great.

I bet it's all fake.

Does that look fake to you?

Okay, it's nice to
know something's real.

Ooh, he's bleeding.

Please watch over Missy and Sheldon

and especially Georgie.

And please don't let
my failings as a mother

get in the way of Your
plans for their lives.

Amen.

(gasps)

Hey, baby. What's wrong?

Is it that obvious?

Well, you are outside, where birds live.

True. I'll make it quick.

I'm experiencing what the
Germans call weltschmerz.

Uh-huh.

And what do Americans call it?

The pain of the world.

Sounds more fun in German.

Most things do.

Hmm. Sit.

Tell me why you have... What is it?

Weltschmerz.

Weltschmerz.

It's recently come to my attention

that everybody lies
and you can't believe

a thing that comes
out of anyone's mouth.

I don't think everybody
lies. You don't lie.

No, but perhaps to get by in the world

it's a skill I should cultivate.

I hope you don't.

I love your honesty.

I want to believe you.

(scoffs) You should,

because I'm your mother and
I would never lie to you.

I would never lie to you, either.

So, I guess not everybody lies.

I heard what you said in your prayer,

and I don't think you're
failing as a mother.

Thank you.

I think you're a pretty
great son yourself.

I know I'm difficult.

There is not a single thing
about you I would change.

ADULT SHELDON: My mom promised
she would never lie to me.

And she never did.

(whispers): I'm sorry.

(slot machines whirring)

Hey.

Mom send you?

No.

She also doesn't know I'm here,

so let's keep that between us.

All right.

Where's your meemaw?

Not here. She leaves me in charge

- when she's gone.
- Is that right?

I also handle stuff in the Laundromat.

Well, good for you.

So... you're okay with me working here?

Well, since I never been here

and we never had this conversation...

...sure.

Cool. Want to give it a spin?

These things really pay out?

All the time.

Not that one. We call
it the homewrecker.

Which one, then?

That one's your buddy.

Yeah?

Look at me! I-I won two dollars!

(phone rings)

President Hagemeyer.

(speaking device): Miss Hagemeyer,

Stephen Hawking here.

Oh, hello. I...

I... Is this really Stephen Hawking?

Does it not sound like me?

Sorry, I have a cold.

Oh, uh...

That was a joke. Ha, ha, ha.

(chuckles) Uh...

how can I help you, sir?

I received a letter
from one of your students

about the decision to
reduce science requirements.

Very disappointing.

Well, I would never
want to disappoint you,

but that-that wasn't my decision.

Whose decision was it?

The grand chancellor.

That is a lie.

Yeah, yeah, that's a lie.

Has anyone ever called
you President Hage-liar?