05x22 - A Clogged Pore, a Little Spanish, and the Future

Episode Transcripts for the TV show "Young Sheldon." Aired September 2017 - current.*
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It's 1989, Sheldon Cooper is nine years old, living in East Texas and going to high school after skipping 4 grade levels. Spin-off prequel to The Big Bang Theory
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05x22 - A Clogged Pore, a Little Spanish, and the Future

Post by bunniefuu »

- Previously on Young Sheldon...
- George?

- Roy.
- You work here now?

Yeah, just nights and weekends

since you and the boosters
are gunning for my neck.

- What's going on?
- I'm pregnant.

People are talking about Georgie.

Maybe take some time off.

Focus on things at home.

Are you f*ring her?

Is that really necessary?

I believe it is.

ADULT SHELDON: I've heard people say

fathers are the real superheroes.

My dad couldn't fly

or bend steel,

and you would not want
to see him in Spandex.


But like Superman,

he had his Fortress of Solitude.

♪ ♪

Can I get another?

Hey, George.

Great.

Come on, now, don't be like that.

Let me buy you a beer.

I don't need your beer and
don't act like we're friends.

Just being nice.

Right. You try to get me fired,

and then buy me a beer,
and everything's good.

George, the whole damn town
knows your team's a disaster.

Is that so?

Should I take a poll?

You should go back to your table.

I don't want to kick a
man when he's down.

Oh, I ain't down.

I hate to tell you. But, yeah, you are.

Yeah, you better walk away.

ADULT SHELDON: This is why the only
bar I frequent is the Genius Bar


at the Apple Store.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

I am a mighty little man.

♪ ♪

What is that?

A bug bite?

A.V.: Hello, allow me
to introduce myself.


I am Acne Vulgarus.

More commonly known as the pimple.

Frankly, neither name paints
a very pretty picture,

but such is the life of a pustule.

And this is my longtime colleague, Pus.

Now, we're usually associated with,
uh, ugliness and discomfort,

but I would argue we're
actually a symbol of growth.

In this case, Sheldon Cooper's ascent...

or descent... into adulthood.

Kind of a signpost that says,

"You are now entering puberty."

- Yeah, like that.
- _

Doesn't look like a bug bite.

It's probably a pimple.

It's not, I don't get those.

As you might expect, we pimples are
not very fond of popping things,

but I was about to burst
this young man's bubble.

- Oh, yeah, that's a zit.
- No, it's not.

- My hygiene is impeccable.
- Zit.

Everybody gets 'em
sooner or later, baby.

I'm not everybody.

No one is ever happy to see me.

My therapist says that's
their problem, not mine.

But, honestly, it hurts.

Pus?

This is supposed to be a safe space.

So I ran into Roy last night.

Okay.

Sounds like I'm done here.

- He said that?
- Basically.

[sighs] It's probably that
coach from Carthage.

Actually... it's not.

What's going on?

I got offered the job.

- Wayne.
- I-I didn't answer yet.

I wanted to talk it over with you first.

What's to talk about?
You want it, right?

Well, yeah, but... but
not behind your back.

I'll make it easy for you.

That did not make it easier.

Morning, George.

I know what's going on.

I'm sorry.

I did everything I could.

- You know I'm on your side.
- Yeah, right.

We still want you to
finish out the year.

I'm not doing that. I quit.

Come on, George.

Is there a chance I keep my job?

No.

Then at least let me
leave on my own terms.

All right.

I'll take a beer.

Celebrating a win?

No, I've been losing all morning.

Couple more of them,
you won't give a crap.

Let's hope.

What the hell are you doing?

Making extra money.

Are you crazy?

You're gonna get us all arrested.

You're paying off the cops, ain't you?

For gambling.

You start selling liquor
without a license,

you're asking for trouble.

I'm having a baby. I need cash.

Well, think of something else.

Well, can I have a raise?

Are you selling that or drinking it?

Give me that.

Hey.

How is this empty already?

It was my lunch.

This is... just a pimple.

Well, how can you be
sure it isn't chickenpox?

Or smallpox? Or monkeypox,

which I know sounds
made-up, but is very real.

Have you been near any monkeys?

- No.
- Try benzoyl peroxide.

It's over the counter.

Oh, no, not... benzoyl peroxide.

[high-pitched]: I'm melting!

I'm melting!

Give me a break.

But a pimple is a sign of puberty,

and I'm showing no other indicators.

No armpit or chest hair,
and I have so little interest

in the opposite sex, I barely
noticed you're a woman.

Thank you.

What are you doing home?

I quit my job.

What? Why?

The school offered it to Wayne.

I wasn't gonna sit around
waiting to get fired.

Oh.

- You doing okay?
- No, Mary, not really.

We're standing here
without jobs in a house

we're not done paying for.

Well, you're still working
at Ballard's, right?

That ain't gonna cover the mortgage.

We've been through tough spots before.

We'll figure it out and...

I know you don't want to hear it,
but I've been praying on this...

You're right. I don't want to hear it.

[knocking]

SHELDON: Dr. Linkletter,
may I speak with you?

If I say no, will you leave?

No.

Then why even ask?

It's called manners.

What do you want?

I was hoping we could discuss puberty.

Then allow me to dash your hopes. No.

But I think I may be entering it,

and I would like to talk about it,
man-to-blossoming-young-man.

Wouldn't you rather talk to your father

or a schoolmate or
literally anyone else?

But you went through it once.

Sure, it was a long, long time ago,

but I'm assuming the
basics haven't changed.

Hold that thought.

Okay, so, what's the problem?

I wanted to talk with Dr.
Linkletter about puberty.

And I wanted to avoid litigation.

Hey, if we can't sell beer,
what about cigarettes?

We could make money

and keep people from
leaving to go buy more.

That's not a bad idea.

I could go down to Walmart,
buy some cartons.

- We could mark 'em up like crazy.
- Mm-hmm.

Reminds me of when I was young

and we used to go down across the border

and get 'em cheap in Mexico.

How cheap?

Well, between the taxes and the peso,

practically nothing. [chuckles]

Let's do that.

I'm not driving to Mexico.

I don't need you. I'll go.

Where do I go?

- I'm not telling you.
- Why?

'Cause you're dumb in this country.

God knows what you are anywhere else.

Fine. I'll just head south
and see where it takes me.

I'm impressed you knew it was south.

But what if it's scratchy and
it's all I can think about?

It's just armpit hair.

Well, I don't even have it yet

and it's already consuming my thoughts.

All right, Sheldon, you are a smart kid.

Now, you had to know that this
was gonna happen eventually.

I'm a smart kid now, but
what will I be in a year?

A smart young man.

And then a smart adult.

With money problems and marital strife

and every other problem
you can think of.

I'll probably have a beer belly.

Or root beer belly.

All right, now, Sheldon... [chuckles]

being a grown-up isn't all bad, right?

- Eh.
- I mean, yeah, sure, your...

you know, your body
starts to fall apart.

But there is a window at about, mm,

where everything's just... mwah.

Oh, when I was ,

I was a strapping blonde oak of a man.

I'd walk down the street, you
could hear the knees buckle.

If I could go back,

I would wear nothing but a bikini, - .

My mind was a steel trap.

I could rattle off pi to places.

Today... not sure where I parked.

I once went to France for a month

with a man I met in the airport bar.

[sighs]

Missed my grandmother's funeral, but...

ooh, la-la.

It all went by so fast.

Too fast.

I'm new to puberty.
Is this sexual tension?

[door opens]

Here.

What's this?

Classifieds. Let's do this.

Really?

Yeah, we could sit here and sulk

or we can find jobs.

Now, pick up that pen
and start circling.

All right.

Let's see what we have here.

Here's one.

Oh.

College degree required.

Hmm. Eh...

- I can't type.
- I can.

words a minute?

Let's keep looking.

In fact, I bet I find a
job faster than you can.

We'll see about that.

How are we not qualified for anything?

Well, there were a couple.

I'm not gonna be night security guard

at the junkyard, George.

- You can.
- You know I get sleepy.

So I'll pick you up in the morning?

Well, not too early.
I have to walk Mitzy.

Your dog?

The wife. She got a new hip,

and the doc says she
needs to keep it moving.

Well, I still need your address.

Hibiscus Court.

What's going on here?

Wade's coming with me to Mexico.

- Why?
- It's a long drive.

And he knows a little Spanish.

Sí.

Okay.

_

¿Sí?

You're gonna get yourself k*lled.

I got no choice.

I got a kid coming.

If you're hell-bent on going to
Mexico, I'm going with you.

- Shotgun.
- You are not coming, Wade.

¿Comprende?

Sí.

[TV playing indistinctly]

Hey, good news.

I was picking up some
groceries at Davidson's.

They're hiring.

Yeah, well, good for you.

I got an application for you, too.

I'm not working at a supermarket, Mary.

Why not?

'Cause I was head coach of
the high school football team.

I'm not bagging people's groceries.

It's an honest job, George.

It's embarrassing.

It's embarrassing to
provide for your family?

It's embarrassing that I busted
my ass all these years,

and this is where I am.

I'm right there with you.
I lost my job, too.

Yeah, it's exactly the same.

You know what you are?


I'm not gonna say it, but you know.

[clears throat]

What the hell?

Help. Something weird's going on.

Not now, George.

I have to finish making
the kids' lunches,

get them to school, and then
go looking for a new job.

But I'm turning into my father.

I don't have time for whatever
crisis you're going through.

And why are you still
wearing that uniform?

You don't even work there anymore.

Well, maybe nothing else was clean.

You're a grown man... you
can wash your own clothes.

Would you two quit fighting?

You ain't the only one with problems.

For God's sakes, why
are you always here?

Don't be mean to her.

You're mean to me.

I'm just dropping off your mail, fatass.

And it's nothing but bills.

Just got back from the baby doctor.

Mandy's having triplets. Dang it.

How we gonna handle all this?

I guess Sheldon's gonna
have to drop out of school

and get a job.

I hear the coal mine's hiring.

Ain't that too messy for him?

The boy's got to grow up sometime.

Ain't that the truth.

He's got that nasty pimple,

so he's well on his way.

Whoa.

Heavy stuff.

But like a... caterpillar

transforming into a butterfly,

things need to get a little
weird along the way.

[laughs] How can people not like us?

That was awesome.

And Pus is available

for children's parties.

MISSY: I hate you.

This better be an emergency.

My pimple has me concerned
about the future.

Not an emergency. Good night.

But we're twins and we
have a special bond,

so you can't ignore me
in my time of need.

Watch me.

And I'm scared.

Damn it.

What's the problem?

My childhood is ending.

So?

Look at everyone around
us... they're all miserable.

Mom and Dad are unemployed.

They're constantly fighting.

Georgie's having a child.

First of all, no one's having
a kid with you, ever.

Don't be so sure. With this intellect,

my genetic material will
be a hot commodity.

- [groans]
- That's how I feel.

How does the future not concern you?

I guess there's stuff
I'm looking forward to.

Like what?

- Going on dates?
- Boring.

- Driving.
- Scary.

Getting married.

Hopefully to Vanilla Ice.

You want to marry a snow cone?

Sheldon, there has to be
stuff you're excited to do.

Of course. Getting my PhD,

winning the Nobel Prize,

getting to meet Professor Proton,

working with Stephen Hawking.

Okay, so, when you start to get upset,

focus on that stuff.

But...

what if I grow up and none
of those things ever happen?

All you can do is try and find out.

Those are the fundamentals
of the scientific method.

No doy.

[TV playing indistinctly]

The actual retail price of
the cedar chest is $ ...

- I got today's classifieds.
- Great.

- Want to look through them?
- Not really.

Is this what you're gonna do all day?

I got a shift at Ballard's later.

Can you get off my back?

Fine.

I'm gonna go find a job.

You just sit there and
feel sorry for yourself.

Done.

You are going to play Plinko...

Ooh, Plinko.

Once we hit ,

it's a straight sh*t to the border.

It's all crazy.

What is?

A year ago I had nothing to worry about.

I had no idea how good I had it.

[laughs] Well, what if a year
from now it's a disaster,

and this looks good?

That's not helping.

Oh, relax, someday you'll be my age,

your kids'll be grown
up, all be good again.

But that's, like, years from now.

Yeah, I waited a long time for it.

So quit your bitching.

Ooh, I love this song.

♪ Bound by wild desires ♪

♪ I fell into a ring of fire ♪

My life's falling apart
and you're singing?

♪ I fell into a burning ring of fire ♪

♪ I went down, down, down ♪

♪ And the flames went higher ♪

♪ And it burns, burns, burns ♪

♪ That ring of fire ♪
Where?

♪ The ring of fire ♪

[vocalizing]

Oh, hey, Mary.

Hey.

If you're looking for your mother,
her league's not today.

Actually, I'm here for you.

Why's that?

I saw in the classifieds
that you're looking for help.

I would like to apply.

[scoffs]

You don't want to work here.

I mean, there's a bar.

God hates that.

Jesus turned water into wine.

I think he'd be cool with it.

Well, you know, it's... it's
actually a pretty boring job.

It's mostly payroll and bookkeeping.

- That is exactly what I did at the church.
- Mm-hmm.

In fact, you might say
it's right up my alley.

I don't know, Mary.

We're neighbors.

Is this a good idea?

Honestly...

everything is falling apart.

I just need one good thing to happen.

Maybe we should go to
the emergency room.

- It's just a pimple. Pop it.
- No.

I'll do it. I like when
it hits the mirror.

Now hold still.

It seems we've reached the
end of our time with Sheldon.

But it's never truly goodbye.

We'll be back in moments of stress.

Like a big test.

Or my personal favorite,

school picture day...

How was your day?

Awful.

Oh. Well... I have good news.

I could use it.

I got a job at the bowling alley.

[gulps]

Working with Brenda?

Every day.

[phone ringing]

That is... really... really good news.

Mm-hmm.

- Hello.
- Hey, George, it's Connie.

What's up?

Georgie and I ran into a
little problem at the border.

What border?

The Mexican one.

- We got arrested.
- What?

Who is it?

ADULT SHELDON: My sister encouraged me

to embrace adolescence

as a journey of scientific discovery.

I stood before a whole new
teenage world of music,


slang words and even clothing styles.

Pretty groovy, huh?

Wow, I might look too cool.
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