01x03 - The Ticket Master

Episode transcripts for the TV show "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". Aired: October 2010 to October 2019.*
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01x03 - The Ticket Master

Post by bunniefuu »

Spike: No. Nope...No.

Applejack: Thank ya kindly, Twilight, for helpin' me out.

Applejack: I bet Big Macintosh I could get all these Golden Delicious in the barn by lunchtime.

(Spike checking apples)
Applejack: If I win, he's gonna walk down Stirrup Street in one o'Granny's girdles!

(chuckles)

Twilight: No problem at all, Applejack.

I'm glad the goal is lunchtime. All this hard work is making me hungry.

(thunk)
Spike: I know, right?

Twilight: Puh-lease, Spike.

You've been lounging on my back all morning while WE worked.

Spike: Exactly. You two are taking so long, I missed snacktime.

(Twilight's stomach grumbles noisily)

Twilight: (laughs nervously) I guess we'd better get some food...

Spike: Nope. Worm. AHA!

Oh, Spike! That looks delicious!

(Spike chomps, chews noisily)
Twilight: (irritated) Spike!

Spike: (gulps) What? (gags, burps)

It's a letter from Princess Celestia.

(clears throat) "Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness Princess Celestia of Equestria is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital of Canterlot, on the st day of...eh, yadda yadda yadda, cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle and one guest."

Both: (gasp) The Grand Galloping Gala!

(theme song begins) My Little Pony, My Little Pony, ah, ah, ah, ah,

(My Little Pony) Twilight: I used to wonder what friendship could be

(My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me

Rainbow Dash: Big adventure

Pinkie Pie: Tons of fun

Rarity: A beautiful heart

Applejack: Faithful and strong

Fluttershy: Sharing kindness

Twilight: It's an easy feat

All: And magic makes it all complete, yeah

(My Little Pony) Do you know you're all my very best friends

Applejack and Twilight: The Grand Galloping Gala!

(both cheering)

(Spike gags, burps)

Spike: Look, two tickets!

Wow, great! I've never been to the Gala. Have you, Spike?

No, and I plan to keep it that way.

I don't want any of that girly, frilly "froo-froo" nonsense.

Aw, come on, Spike. A dance would be nice.

Applejack: Nice?! It's a heap good more than just NICE.

I'd love to go. Land sakes, if I had an apple stand set up, ponies would be chewin' our tasty vittles 'til the cows came home.

Do you have any idea how much business I could drum up for Sweet Apple Acres?! and Big Macintosh could replace that saggy old plow, (poof) and Granny Smith could replace that saggy old hip!

Wow. I'd give my left hind leg to go to that Gala.

Twilight: Oh. Well, in that case, would you like to-

(Rainbow Dash yelps, thuds)

Are we talking about the Grand Galloping Gala?!

Rainbow Dash...you told me you were too busy to help me harvest apples.

What were you busy doin'? Spyin'?

No, I was busy...napping.

And I just happened to hear that you have an extra ticket?

Twilight: Yeah, but-

Rainbow Dash: YES! This is SO awesome!

The Wonderbolts perform at the Grand Galloping Gala every year!

I can see it now...

Everyone would be watching the sky,

(jets streaming past)
their eyes riveted on the Wonderbolts.

But then in would fly...RAINBOW DASH!

(audience gasps)

Rainbow Dash: I would draw their attention with my Super Speed Strut...

(audience cheers)

Rainbow Dash: Then I would mesmerize 'em with my Fantastic Filly Flash...

(whoosh)

And for my grand finale, The Buccaneer Blaze.

(expl*si*n)

(audience cheering)
Rainbow Dash: The ponies would go WILD!

The Wonderbolts would insist that my signature moves get incorporated into their routine, and then welcome me as their newest member.

(jets streaming across sky)

Don't you see, Twilight?

This could be my one chance to show 'em my stuff.

Rainbow Dash: You gotta take ME- (grunt)

Applejack: Hold on just one pony-pickin' minute here!

Applejack: (spits) I asked for that ticket first!

So? That doesn't mean you OWN it.

Oh yeah?

Well, I challenge you to a hoof-wrasslin'.

Winner gets the ticket.

(both straining)

Girls!

These are MY tickets.

I'LL decide who gets it, thank you very much.

Whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket, don't you think?

Applejack: Drummin' up business for the farm?

Rainbow Dash: A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts?

Applejack: Money to fix Granny's hip?!

Rainbow Dash: LIVING the DREAM?!

Twilight: Oh my, those are all pretty good reasons, aren't they?

(stomach growls noisily)

(chuckles nervously) Listen to that...I am starving.

(nervously) I don't know about you, but I can't make decisions on an empty stomach, so I'll think about it over lunch and get back to you two, okay?

Both: (dejectedly) Okay.

(both straining)

Spike: So, who you gonna give the ticket to, Twilight?

I don't know, Spike, but I REALLY can't think straight when I'm hungry.

So where should we eat- (door slams open)

Pinkie Pie: (shrieks) BATS! BATS ON MY FACE!

HELP! Wait...these are...tickets to the GRAND GALLOPING GALA?!

(extremely rapid speech) It's the most amazing incredible tremendous super-fun wonderful terrifically humongous party in all of Equestria!

I've always, always, ALWAYS wanted to go!

(singing) Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me

Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me

Hip hip, hooray, it's the best place for me, for Pinkie

(speaking) With decorations and streamers and fairy lights and pinwheels and pinatas and pincushions.

With goodies like sugarcubes and sugarcanes and sundaes and sunbeams and sarsaparilla!

And I get to play my favorite-est of favorite fantabulous games like Pin the Tail on the Pony!

(singing) Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me

Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me

'Cause it's the most galarific superly-terrific gala ever in the whole galaxy! WHEE! (song ends)

Oh, thank you, Twilight! It's the most wonderfulest gift ever!

(Pinkie's eyes squeak)
Twilight: Um, actually...

Rarity: (gasps) Are these what I think they are?!

Twilight: Uh...

Pinkie Pie: Yes, yes, YES!

Twilight's taking me to the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot!

The Gala?

I design ensembles for the Gala EVERY year, but I've never had the opportunity to attend.

Oh, the SOCIETY, the CULTURE, the GLAMOR, it's where I truly belong. (giggles)

It's where I'm destined to meet... (dreamily) HIM.

Pinkie Pie: (excited) HIM! (quizzically) Who?

Him...

I would stroll through the Gala, and everyone would wonder, "Who IS that mysterious mare?"

They would never guess that I was just a simple pony from little old Ponyville.

Why, I would cause such a sensation that I would be invited for an audience with Princess Celestia HERSELF, and the princess would be so taken with my style and elegance that she would introduce me... (squealing) to HIM,

(dreamily) her nephew, the most handsome eligible unicorn stallion in Canterlot.

Our eyes would meet, our hearts would melt, our courtship would be MAGNIFICENT, he would ask for my hoof in marriage, and of course I would say... (shrieking) YES!

We would have a royal wedding befitting a princess, which is, (giggles) of course, what I'd become upon marrying (squeals) HIM, the stallion of my dreams.

(wedding bells ring)

TWILIGHT! I simply cannot believe that you would invite Pinkie Pie so she could... (disgusted) party, (high-pitched whining) and prevent me from meeting my true love!

How could you?! HMPH!

Spike: Hey!

(Fluttershy gasps)

Angel, these are perfect.

Twilight: Uh, listen guys, I haven't decided who to give the extra ticket to.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie: You haven't?!

Fluttershy: (meekly) Um, excuse me, Twilight, I would just like to ask, um, if it would be all right, if you haven't given it to someone else...

(incredulous) YOU?! YOU want to go to the Gala?

Oh, no. (Angel thumps feet) I, I mean, yes.

Or, actually, kinda.

You see, it's not so much the Grand Galloping Gala as it is the wondrous private gated garden surrounding the dance.

The flowers are said to be the most beautiful and fragrant in all of Equestria.

For the night of the gala, and that night alone, would they all be in bloom...

And that's just the flora! Don't get me started on the fauna!

There's loons, and toucans, and bitterns, oh my!

Hummingbirds that can really hum, and buzzards that can really buzz, and blue jays, and red jays, and green jays, pink jays and pink flamingos.

Twilight: Gee, Fluttershy, it sounds...beautiful?

Rainbow Dash: WAIT JUST A MINUTE!

Twilight: Rainbow Dash, were you following me?

(flustered) No. I mean, yes. I mean, maybe.

Look, it doesn't matter.

I couldn't risk a goody-four-shoes like you giving that ticket away to just anybody.

Applejack: Wait just another minute!

Applejack, were you following me too?

No, I was following THIS one [Rainbow Dash] to make sure she didn't try any funny business.

(grumbling) Still tryin' to take my ticket.

YOUR ticket?!

Pinkie Pie: But Twilight's taking me!

(ponies arguing over each other)

(ponies arguing over each other)

Twilight: QUIEEEEEEEEEEET!

Pinkie Pie: And then I said, "Oatmeal?! Are you crazy?!" ... (sheepishly) Oh.

Girls, there's no use in arguing.

Rarity: (pleading) But Twilight-

Twilight: (shushes) This is my decision, and I'm gonna make it on my own, and I'm gonna make it on my own, and I certainly can't think straight with all this noise,

(stomach grumbles) not to mention hunger.

Now go on! Shoo!
(ponies grumble)

And don't worry! I'll figure this out! (crestfallen, to self) Somehow.

Twilight: Ah, Spike, what am I gonna do?

All five of my best friends have really good reasons to go to the Gala.

Applejack, or Rainbow Dash?

Pinkie Pie, or Fluttershy, Rarity...

Oh, who should go with me?

(stomach grumbles)

Waiter: Have you made your decision?

Twilight: I can't decide!

Twilight, he just wants to take your order.

...Oh. I would love a daffodil and daisy sandwich.

Do you have any rubies? ...No?

Okay. I'll have the hay fries. Extra-crispy.

What do you think, Spike?

I think we have to try another restaurant.

I mean, I like grass just fine, but would it hurt anybody to offer some gemstones?

I MEAN about the Gala and the ticket and who I should take.

Oh. (annoyed) You're still on THAT?

Spike, LISTEN!

HOW do I choose?

And when I DO choose, would the other four be mad at me?

I mean, I could give up my ticket and give away two, but that would still leave three disappointed ponies!

Twilight: What if I-
Waiter: Ah, your food.

Oh, thank you. This looks so good.

I'm sure everything will be much clearer once I eat.

(stampede rumble)

Waiter: Erm, madame? Are you going to eat your food in ze rain?

It's not raining... (thunderclap, rainfall)

What's going on?

Rainbow Dash: Hi there best friend forever I've ever ever had!

Enjoying the sunny weather?

(accusatory) Rainbow Dash, what are you doing?

(innocently) What do you mean?

I just saw the smartest, most generous pony about to get rained on, so I thought I'd kick a hole in the clouds to keep her dry so she could dine in peace, that's all.

Twilight: Rainbow, you're not trying to get extra consideration for the EXTRA ticket by doing me extra special favors, ARE you?

Me? No no no, of COURSE not!

(sarcastic) Uh-huh.

Seriously. I'd do it for anypony.

(ponies dashing about)

(gulps) Heheh...eh...

Rainbow, I am NOT comfortable accepting unwanted favors.

Twilight: So I'd appreciate it if you'd close up that raincloud right now.

Ugh. FINE.

That's better.

(rainfall, Twilight grumbles)

(Spike snickers)

Rarity: Twilight! (matter-of-factly) It's raining.

(sarcastic) No! Really?

Rarity: Come with me before you catch a cold!

(Twilight shakes off water)

Twilight: (giggles nervously) Oops...sorry...

(saccharine) Oh no! It's QUITE all right!

After all, we ARE the BEST of friends! ...are we not?

And you KNOW what the best of friends do!

Twilight: Uh...
Rarity: (singsong) MAKEOVER!

Twilight: Rarity! Ow, this really isn't fixing it...I mean, thank you, but (straining to breathe) it's...too...tight...

Rarity: There. Oh, you're simply DARLING.

Uh...yeah! It is kinda pretty, isn't it?

(Spike gagging)
Rarity: And YOU!

Oh Spike, I have a dandy little outfit for the dashing gent.

Spike: Daah! Ow, hey, wow, watch it! WHOA!

(Spike shudders)
Twilight: Oh, Spike.

Rarity: Now you just need a hat.

Ugh! I told you, I don't want any part of this girly Gala junk!

See you back at the library.

Rarity: (laughing nervously) Oh, who needs HIM anyway?

(mirror dragging on ground)
This is all about YOU, and how FABULOUS you'll look at the Grand Galloping Gala!

Wait. "The Grand-"

Rarity: (gasps dramatically) And oh, my goodness!

What a coincidence!

I happen to have an ensemble of my own that matches yours to a tee!

We would be the belles of the ball, you and I.

Everyone would be CLAMORING for our attention.

All eyes would be on us, and then everyone would finally know, the most beautiful, most talented, most sophisticated pony in all of Equestria is RARITY THE UNICORN!

Ah... (nervous tittering) And Twilight Sparkle, of course... (nervous giggle)

I see what's going on.

You're just buttering me up so I give you the extra ticket.

Well, it's not gonna work.

You're going to have to wait for my decision like everyone else.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've been trying all day just to get some lunch!

Applejack: Did somepony say lunch?

Twilight: You've GOT to be kidding me!

Applejack: I got apple pie, apple fritters, apple tarts, apple dumplin's, apple crisps, apple crumbles aaaand...Apple Brown Betty.

Uh, the dessert, not my aunt.

Whaddya say there, best friend?

(Twilight's stomach grumbles loudly)


Applejack: Is that a yes?

No. No! I don't know who I'm giving the ticket to, and all these favors aren't making it any easier to decide.

In fact, I'm less sure now than I was this morning!

(Twilight screams)

So, that's a maybe?

Twilight: (groans) I never thought being showered with favors would be so aggravating...

(Fluttershy humming My Little Pony theme)

(Twilight gasps)

Fluttershy! Not you too!

Oh! Well, hello, Twilight. I hope you don't mind. We're all doing a little spring cleaning for you.

(dryly) It's summer.

O-oh, well, better late than never, right? It was Angel's idea.

(salad tongs tapping bowl)

You're not doing this for the ticket, are you?

Oh, no! I'm doing this because you're my very best friend.

Right, Angel?

Oh. Yes, we are just doing this for the ticket.

(stomach grumbles)

No, no, NO!

Well, this is all very nice of you and Angel, but I'm not accepting any extra favors until I've made my final decision, so I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Ponies (outside): SURPRISE!

(horns blow, song starts)

Pinkie Pie: (singing) Twilight is my bestest friend! Whoopee, whoopee!

Twilight: (unamused) Pinkie...

Pinkie: (singing) She's the cutest, smartest, all-around best po-nyyy, po-nyyy!

Twilight: Pinkie.

Pinkie: (singing) I bet if I throw a super-duper fun par-tyyy, par-tyyy

Twilight: (annoyed) Pinkie!

Pinkie: (singing) She'll give her extra ticket to the Gala to me! (song ends)
Twilight: (screaming) PINKIIIIIIIE!

(crash)

(sweetly) Yes, Twilight? (eyes flutter)

At least the other ponies TRIED to be subtle about the ticket!

Purple pony: Wait, what ticket? What gala?

Pinkie Pie: Oh, you didn't know?! Twilight has an extra ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala!

All: THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA?!

(commotion)
Pony: Have I ever told you how much I love your mane?

Pony: I'll wash your dishes.

Pink pony: Would you like any help with your gardening?

Teal pony: I have a cartload of extra carrots.

(ponies talking over each other)

Spike: What're we gonna do?

We're...gonna...RUUUUUN!

(light remix of Benny Hill's Yakety Sax plays)

(ponies offering favors)

(poof, ponies gasp)

(ponies talk over each other in confusion)

(rising pitch hum, poof)

Spike: (dazed) Warn me next time you're gonna do that!

I didn't even know it was gonna happen! Now quick, lock the doors!

(doors and windows slamming shut)

(sigh of relief)

(frustrated scream)

(harried) I can't decide! I just can't decide!

It's important to all of you and I just can't stand to disappoint any of you, and giving me gifts and doing me favors won't make any difference because you're all my friends and I wanna make you all happy and I can't, I just CAN'T!

Applejack: Twilight, sugar, I-I didn't mean to put so much pressure on you.

And if it helps, I don't want the ticket anymore.

You can give it to somepony else. I won't feel bad, I promise.

Fluttershy: Me too. I feel just awful that I made you feel so awful...

Pinkie Pie: And me too. It's no fun upsetting your friends.

Rarity: Twilight, it was unfair of me to try to force you as I did.

Rainbow Dash: YES! That means the ticket is MINE!

(giggles, gloats) I got the ticket, I got the ticket...

You know, I haven't perfected my signature moves for the Wonderbolts, anyway.

I don't need that ticket either.

Applejack: We all got so gung-ho about goin' to the Gala that we couldn't see how un-gung-ho we were makin' you.

All: We're sorry, Twilight.

Spike, take down a note.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

I've learned that one of the joys of friendship is sharing your blessings, but when there's not enough blessings to go around, having more than your friends can make you feel pretty awful.

So, though I appreciate the invitation, I will be returning both tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala."

All: WHAT?!

If my friends can't all go, I don't wanna go either.

Applejack: Twilight...You don't have t'do that.

Nope, I've made up my mind. Spike, you can send the letter now.

(inhales, breathes fire)

Fluttershy: Now you won't get to go to the Gala either.

It's okay, girls.

I couldn't possibly enjoy myself without my best friends there with me,

(ponies doting)
so I'd rather not go at all.

(Spike gags heavily)
Applejack: Well, wallop my withers, Spike.

(Spike gagging)
Isn't that just like a boy? Can't handle the least bit of sentiment.

(Spike burps)
Applejack: Whoa, Nelly!

Twilight: A letter from the princess? That was fast.

"My faithful student Twilight, Why didn't you say so in the first place?

Six tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!"

(ponies gasp)

Twilight: Now we can all go!

(ponies cheer)

(Twilight's stomach grumbles)

(Twilight laughs nervously)
Rarity: Allow us to treat you to dinner.

Rainbow Dash: What a great way to apologize.

Pinkie Pie: And to CELEBRATE! Come on everyone, the cupcakes are on me!

How come I don't get a ticket to the Gala?

(Spike gags, burps)

"And one for you, Spike."

(childish giggling)

Spike: I-I mean, (feigns revulsion) GROSS! I have to go, too?!

(Spike and Applejack giggle)

(ending theme begins) My Little Pony

My Little Pony

(instrumental)

My Little Pony, friends
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