KONSTANTIN: Eve... she is alive.
It's not possible.
Poor Kenny.
I can't let people know I'm looking into things.
EVE: I have Kenny's phone.
- We just guessed it was you.
- What?!
VILLANELLE: They are making me a Keeper.
They want you to work with somebody first.
- [HONKS BICYCLE HORN]
- BOTH: Bonjour !
DASHA: Management is not easy.
It's watching someone do job worse than you.
I deserve more. More than you.
JAMIE: What was Kenny working on before he d*ed?
EVE: There's a thumb drive.
The police have it.
I need to know what happened, who k*lled him.
[SINGLE PIANO NOTE PLAYS REPEATEDLY]
[PIANO NOTE GROWS LOUDER]
[TUNING FORK CHIMES]
[PLAYS NOTE]
[PLAYS NOTE]
[PLAYS NOTE]
[DISCORDANT, UNSETTLING PIANO MUSIC]
[THUD]
[LOUD DISCORD ECHOES]
[BABY CRIES ON MONITOR]
WOMAN: [SINGS ON MONITOR]
♪ A la nanita nana ♪
♪ Nanita ella, nanita ella ♪
- [BABY CONTINUES CRYING ON MONITOR]
- ♪ Mi niña tiene sueño ♪
♪ Bendito sea, bendito sea... ♪
[SWITCHES MONITOR OFF]
- [BABY CONTINUES CRYING]
- ♪ A la nanita nana ♪
♪ Nanita ella, nanita ella ♪
♪ Mi niña tiene sueño ♪
♪ Bendito sea... ♪
Ay, Dios mío. Dios mío, no.
No, no, no, no.
No.
¡No, no, no, no, no!
El bebé, no, por favor.
Por favor, el bebé, no, no...
[GASPS]
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
¡No! ¡El bebé, no!
¡El bebé, no, por favor!
¡Se lo ruego! Se lo pido, por fa...
No... [MUTTERS]
[WEEPS]
¡No, no, no, no, no!
¡El bebé, no, por favor!
¡Te lo pido! ¡No, no!
- [SOBS] No!
- You really like that baby, huh?
It's not even yours.
[GASPS]
['CALOR' BY CONCHITA VELASCO PLAYS]
♪ Qué calor en la ciudad ♪
- [BABY CRIES]
- ♪ Qué calor, qué calor ♪
♪ Es imposible de aguantar ♪
♪ Qué calor, qué calor ♪
♪ La ropa llega a molestar ♪
♪ Qué calor, qué calor ♪
♪ Qué lindo debe estar el mar ♪
♪ Qué calor, qué calor ♪
♪ Ay! ♪
CAROLYN: And what about the coroner's report?
There's no signs of a struggle.
No evidence of asphyxiation or internal injury.
Basically, he was absolutely fine until he...
- ... hit the ground.
- May I?
So...
... the head of the MPS is still saying it's su1c1de, despite the lack of note or motivation.
That is reassuring.
It'd be really unsettling if he actually got something right.
EVE: Geraldine said I could come straight in...
Oh.
Wow!
Oh, get over it, Eve.
I have all my best thoughts in the bath.
If Mo can manage, you can.
I haven't looked up in minutes.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Did you get Kenny's thumb drive back from the police?
- At quite a cost, yes.
- I'd rather not know.
- Oh, I'll... I'll meet you downstairs.
- JAMIE: Oh!
Who's that?
Our Bitter Pill representative.
I invited him.
Before I knew this meeting was in a bathroom.
- [EVE CLOSES DOOR]
- [RATTLES ICE]
Mo, would you just pass me a towel, please?
So, we have the burner phone and the thumb drive.
What else do we have to go on?
Excellent. Good meeting.
- Meetings have biscuits.
- You can have a biscuit when you tell me what the point of you is.
Planning on analysing those yourself, then, are you?
I think the world's foremost intelligence agency might handle it.
What, that public school, what-ho-ing, old boy's network?
I don't think a beer fridge and a beanbag breakout area gives you any great insight into global politics.
- That's...
- Enough, okay? Enough!
Carolyn, you and Mo take the phone, we'll take the...
... thumb thingy.
'Cause you know what we do from now on?
- We share.
- GERALDINE: Wow.
That is literally the most parenting this household has ever seen.
- [BABY GRIZZLES]
- DASHA: So, you thought this was good idea?
I'm practising my characters, like you told me.
Young mother and baby... and Grandma.
What got into you? You have been unfocused and manic for days.
I'm just having some fun.
[BABY CRIES]
Stop that. I don't like it.
[GRIZZLES]
You would think, after your last managerial disaster, you would learn to keep your head down.
It is not my fault he was an idiot.
I keep telling them to look harder for good recruits.
- But what can you do?
- [THUD]
Eh...
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
You think that's funny?!
[GASPS AND LAUGHS]
I'll show you what's funny.
You come with me, because I've had enough.
[BABY CRIES]
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
Now, that is funny.
[LAUGHS]
You want to amuse yourself, go crazy.
But I will not have you put both of our futures at risk.
- I'm the one doing all the work.
- You think handling you isn't work?
Why you think no-one else is prepared to do it?
- [BABY CRIES]
- Bad pension scheme?
You should get your act together.
You know? Jobs will get tougher.
And they will not let you get away with being sloppy.
Sloppy? Hmm...
[BABY CRIES]
No.
"No"? What do you mean, "No"?
It's too soon.
I have to prepare.
- I'm not ready. How about that?
- [SIREN WAILS]
Not ready for London?
All you need is anorak and face like cheese.
[DISTRESSED SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
You're right.
You're right. I know what I'm doing.
I can handle this.
[DISTRESSED SHOUTING IN SPANISH CONTINUES]
[BABY CRIES]
This is bank stuff.
Financial data.
Oh, he said something about accounts.
Damn it. What was it?
[PACKET RUSTLES]
Do you want one?
What? Oh... No, I... No.
Once I pop, I just can't stop.
You can. It's just about self-control.
But I don't have any self-control.
All these are different accounts, in different locations.
One of them must have meant something to Kenny.
That one is different.
Mm.
R-U-R'.
Code, maybe?
It is. Where's, um... ?
Where's that Rubik's Cube?
The only way I can solve this is by taking off all the stickers.
No, we don't need to solve it.
It's cube notation.
He's told us what to do.
Okay, um, turn it right face, degrees clockwise.
Is that supposed to mean something to me?
No.
Okay. Uh, U.
Upwards, degrees.
- R'.
- Right face, anti-clockwise.
U .
And F'.
That's it.
"Shh... nap."
"Shnap".
Panda.
Kenny named the account 'Panda'.
Kenny and I were looking into an international organi...
Okay, but before I go on, you have to understand that once I tell you about them, your lives are in danger.
- Then don't tell us...
- They're called The Twelve.
And they've infiltrated governments and organizations all over the world.
We don't know what their endgame is, but we do know they've been responsible for a significant number of international murders.
Okay, now, Fat Panda was a Chinese intelligence officer k*lled in Berlin.
He was tracking a double agent for The Twelve who was being paid from a bank account in...
... the Cayman Islands.
Right.
The double agent was an MI officer named Frank Haleton.
What happened to Frank?
He lost his knob...
... and his life.
In that order?
Well, The Twelve wanted a hit on him, but the... [CHUCKLES]
... but the assassin was...
- ... she had a flair for...
- She?
The account went dormant after Frank's death, but Kenny found it was active again.
Three bank transfers in the last two months, totalling just over six million euros.
And the remaining balance moved to an account in Geneva.
So, who owns the Geneva account?
We don't know.
We need someone who can get into some very classified banking info.
Yes, we do.
- No, we do not go to them.
- Yes, we do.
The thing is we can't trace the account.
Well, yeah. You don't set up an account in Geneva for transparency.
But you could trace it, right?
I thought you were looking into the phone.
That was the deal, wasn't it?
Or did Charlie Big Potatoes change his mind because he didn't get a Hobnob.
- Come on. We're in this together.
- Are we?
Because no-one else is having to work at MI whilst moonlighting for Carolyn, and now you want me to trace...
Did you take this job thinking it would be easier?
If you did, quit now, 'cause it's only getting tougher.
I'll see what I can do.
Great.
Oh, and, uh...
That's who we think has been on their hit-list so far.
You know, I've been going through the MI case files you and Kenny worked on.
You really should have some kind of protection. You know that, right?
Do you have any idea what happens to people who are protected by MI ?
What?
[LAUGHING] It's not good.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
- Charles Kruger.
- It's me.
- Who's me?
- Just let me in.
[DOOR LOCK BUZZES]
Na zdorovie.
Ah!
Look at us, Kostya. We're old.
The kids are all grown up.
I'm going to see my son's graduation next month.
This modern dance is... is so visceral!
Have you ever locked and popped, Kostya?
[CHUCKLES] No! You'd, uh, displace a hip these days.
Hey? [CHUCKLES] Wouldn't you?
You wanted to see me.
Yeah.
Um...
Somebody's been siphoning money from the Geneva account.
I managed to retrieve what's left, but a pretty sizeable chunk's been taken.
How much has gone?
Uh, six million, in total.
Whew!
- Do you know who?
- No.
Not yet. But I will find the person responsible.
I'll make some calls, see what I can find.
Uh, the money, Konstantin.
I... I prefer the money.
If you could...
... tide me over.
You know, just buys me some time till I find the scoundrel.
- Okay.
- [EXHALES] Thank you.
Thank you.
How's Irina these days?
Still a little sh*t?
She's like a little sh*t taking a sh*t on a big sh*t.
Three sh*t combined into one enormous sh*t.
That's wonderful! [LAUGHS]
Kids!
Kids...
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
[BRAKES SQUEAK, ENGINE IDLES]
VILLANELLE: I want to smell powerful.
I want to make people gag with it.
Can you do that for me?
Well...
... we have some lovely floral fragrances for ladies over here.
The iris, in particular,
- is a very powerful...
- Maybe I should describe to you what I'm thinking.
Let me get a pen.
Hmm.
I want to smell like a Roman centurion...
... who's coming across an old foe...
... who, in battle, once...
... hurt him greatly.
Oh, but since then, the Roman centurion has become...
... Emperor...
... and is now powerful beyond measure.
Maybe something more woody.
Mm.
GERALDINE: I think it's wonderful you're letting people in.
We all need intimacy in our lives.
Even people who keep secrets for a living.
Nonsense, there are monks in China who go years without seeing another human being.
They probably have different kind of...
Emily Brontë. Hardly left the house.
Mum...
... I'm proud of you for trying something new.
Dating is scary, but...
... pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones is how we grow.
You know what's scary, Geraldine, is how much I regret telling you it's a date.
I'm so happy you're doing something for you.
Kenny would be too.
- [EARRING CLATTERS]
- He always wanted you to meet some...
Here, let me...
No, it's better without it.
And don't talk about Stalin.
He's strictly third date.
['ENFARTE MUSICAL' BY ANILZA LEONI PLAYS]
[RAUCOUS CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
Another drink while you wait, madam?
No, thank you, Tom.
I think there comes a time
when one must admit... defeat.
['ENFARTE MUSICAL' CONTINUES]
Henrik?
Carolyn!
[GASPS]
Wha...
Mwah.
Mwah.
Sorry.
[LAUGHS]
How incredible!
I adore a coincidence!
It makes me feel I'm in the right place.
It must be, what years?
Yeah.
Yeah, , it must be.
's the year I got divorced.
- Oh, yes.
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
For the first time.
[BOTH LAUGH]
- Well...
- Yeah.
If it makes you feel any better, I've just had the novel experience of being stood up.
No... What?!
Surely... You?!
Don't worry. I'll have him k*lled.
[LAUGHS]
Listen, you, um...
Do you want to get something to eat?
[LAUGHTER]
What about your charming friends?
Hmm? They disgust me. Come on.
Come on. What do you fancy? Seafood?
- Oh... [LAUGHS]
- Steak? No?
There is one thing...
['ENFARTE MUSICAL' CONCLUDES]
I must say, the years have been good to you, Henrik.
Yeah.
Terrible lifestyle... suits me, hmm?
[BOTH LAUGH]
So, Geneva's still treating you well?
What, the bank?!
I-I... Don't get me started.
No, do go on.
There's nothing I enjoy more than some salacious financial gossip.
[SIREN WAILS]
- [CAROLYN GROANS]
- Is she okay?
The official line is migraine.
I'm having an aura, Eve.
It's probably stress-related.
You know a great cure for that?
Paracetamol.
Did you find out who owns the account?
Yes.
It's a -year-old sugar-beet farmer in East Anglia.
MO: Who d*ed nine years ago.
The real owner... is this guy.
Charles Kruger.
Born Sergei Korchmarev in East Berlin.
CAROLYN: And who was very gorgeous in his day.
Oh, another one of your Cold w*r boyfriends, Carolyn?
Don't be ridiculous, Eve.
- We barely had a night together.
- Yeah, we get it.
You had a great time in the ' s.
So, Korchmarev disappeared from Russia around , eventually showing up in London and presenting himself as amiable accountant Charles Kruger.
Do you think he could actually be the accountant for The Twelve?
I'm thinking he's definitely worth a visit to Kensington.
- I'll head right there.
- And do what?
Wait in the car with a bottle of pop and a bag of crisps?
Be hard enough to get him to talk to me.
He's definitely not gonna talk to somebody he doesn't know.
- Are you sure?
- Of course I'm sure.
I know how he operates, Eve.
No, I mean...
... this is different, remember?
I'm gonna have a shower.
Oh, God...
Oh...
First Henrik, then Sergei.
It's not fun, Eve,
using people you once loved.
It's all rather painful, really.
Do you believe a word of that?
No, I think she loves it.
[TOY LAUGHS EVILLY]
['TEDDY BEARS PICNIC' PLAYS]
- [CHILD CRIES]
- ♪ If you go down in the woods today ♪
- ♪ You're sure of a big surprise ♪
- [CHILD SQUEALS AND LAUGHS]
♪ If you go down in the woods today ♪
♪ You'd better go in disguise ♪
♪ For every bear that ever there was ♪
♪ Will gather there for
certain, because ♪
♪ Today's the day the teddy
bears have their picnic... ♪
- [TOY SQUEAKS]
- Would you like to make a talking bear?
[TOY LAUGHS EVILLY]
[CHILD SCREAMS AND CRIES]
This place is psychopathic.
[MUSIC AND LAUGHTER FADES]
[TOY SQUEAKS]
[MONITOR CHIMES]
I should have sh*t you in the head.
[MONITOR CHIMES]
[ON RECORDING] I should have sh*t you in the head.
[SCOFFS]
[MONITOR CHIMES]
I should have sh*t you in the head and watched you die.
[MONITOR CHIMES]
[ON RECORDING] I should have sh*t you in the head
and watched you die.
[MONITOR CHIMES]
I can't stop thinking about you.
[DOOR OPENS]
WOMAN: Eve?
Oh, Valerie, hi.
- Can I be of help?
- No. I'm just waiting for Niko.
He discharged himself.
What?!
Last week.
He was actually doing very well.
Uh, did he... leave me a note or...
... a forwarding address?
- I'm afraid I can't...
- Valerie...
I'm his wife.
He did say something about Poland.
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
[MUFFLED, INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- [CHATTER FADES]
- [UNSETTLING MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SIREN WAILS, TRAFFIC ROARS]
[SIGHS]
[PHONE KEYPAD CLICKS]
Hi, Eve.
[ROARS]
Eve!
[GRUNTS REPEATEDLY]
I'm not here for you.
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
[ROARS] No! No!
[GASPS]
Smell me, Eve.
What do I smell of to you?
['THIS STRANGE EFFECT' PLAYS]
♪ You've got this strange effect on me ♪
♪ And I like it ♪
♪ You've got... ♪
- [ROARS]
- ♪ This strange effect on me ♪
[WINCES]
♪ And I like it... ♪
- [BELL ON BUS DINGS]
- Oh... [PANTS]
♪ You make my world seem right ♪
♪ You make my darkness bright ♪
♪ Oh, yes ♪
♪ You've got this strange effect on me ♪
♪ And I like it ♪
[EXHALES]
♪ And I like it ♪
♪ And I like the way you kiss me ♪
♪ Don't know if I should ♪
♪ But this feeling is
love and I know it ♪
♪ That's why I feel good... ♪
[PHONE RINGS]
[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
I don't want to talk about it.
- [COUGHS AND WHEEZES]
- [PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
[COUGHS]
- Eve?
- I said...
... I don't want to talk about it.
MO: So, what now?
We eat toffee éclairs and watch that doorway.
Can't we just go in?
And ruin the fun of a stake-out?
You wouldn't do that to an old spy, Mo.
Plus... if we go in...
... we're trapped.
Out here, he's accountable.
What happened?
Okay, fine.
I don't give a toss.
As long as it's got nothing to do with what we're working on.
There is this... assassin...
... who works for The Twelve.
- Have you got to the chocolate yet?
- Mm.
I've just got it.
When I was younger...
Wait there.
Damn.
Follow him.
I don't think we're gonna lose him, somehow.
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
[MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVS]
[COUGHS] Ah...
EVE: Villanelle said she wasn't here for me.
So, let's just think who The Twelve would want to m*rder, aside from me.
Right. Okay.
- Possible assassin targets.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
- Carolyn. It's Carolyn.
They must know we found their accountant.
So, after you came to England, what did you do?
An éclair?
[SCOFFS]
Well, that won't get you that three-book deal, Sergei.
Tell me what you're going to wear at your son's graduation.
It's next month, isn't it?
Tell me how he does that thing with his shoulders.
[PHONE RINGS]
[EXHALES]
She's not picking up.
[SIGHS] Try mine.
[DIALS]
Should I share what I think happened when you swapped the Stasi for HMRC?
I think you accepted a job from The Twelve, like the money-grabbing bottom-feeder you are.
Am I warm?
- [BEEPING]
- They're on a stake-out!
Who doesn't answer their phone on a stake-out?!
[SIREN BLEEPS]
Uh-oh.
What's going on?
Nothin'.
Just everyone look innocent.
[MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVS]
- [SIGHS]
- [PHONE CHIMES]
[SILENCED g*nsh*t]
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINING]
[DOGS BARK NEARBY]
[BREATHES SHALLOWLY]
Ah...
Oh...
[SIGHS]
CAROLYN: Ohh...
Oh...
[GROANS AND PANTS]
Oh...
REPORTER: [ON TV] The husband of classical musician and influential political campaigner Isabel Fernandez, was, this afternoon, reunited with his baby who had been missing since Mrs. Fernandez was found dead at her home yesterday.
[WOMAN SPEAKS SPANISH ON TV]
He's so happy.
[SIGHS]
I'm fine.
There's no need for...
I'm fine.
[KEYS JANGLE]
Would you, um...
... pour me a whiskey, Geraldine?
Yes, of course.
[GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC]
♪ Walk on ♪
♪ Walk, walk ♪
♪ Walk on ♪
♪ Walk ♪
♪ Walk on ♪
[BUS BRAKES SQUEAL]
♪ Walk, walk ♪
♪ Walk on ♪
♪ Walk ♪
♪ Walk on ♪
♪ Walk ♪
♪ Walk on ♪
♪ Walk ♪
♪ Walk on. ♪
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
- Aaaagh!
- [ROARS]
[BOTH ROAR]
[LAUGHS]
Don't wait for me in the dark like that!
It's rude!
It's bad for my heart.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Don't you want to know why I'm in your bed?
Not really, no.
I am too tired for games and I have to find six million euros tomorrow.
You will never find six million in a day.
Not even if you sold both of your kidneys.
Technically, you don't even own them anymore.
The Twelve do.
They own every little bit of you.
Goodnight, Villanelle.
What kind of baby do you think I was?
[CHUCKLES] I think I was cute.
Hmm.
Do you think people smiled with joy when they saw my little face?
God, you're boring.
You're more boring than that accountant I just sh*t.
And accountants... are really boring.
[SHOUTS] Hey! Hey! Huh?!
Wakey-wakey, Konstantin!
I think you were ugly as hell, okay?
Right.
Well, now you're just looking for a reaction.
No, I'm not.
I've seen a photo of you.
Very strange head. Bulbous. Unnatural.
Who was I with?
I don't remember.
Hmm.
I want to find my family.
Why?
So you can feel like dirt the whole time about how you're letting them down?
[SCOFFS]
Smell me.
No.
Smell me, hmm? What do I smell of?
What am I wearing?
- I don't know.
- Ah.
Power.
I'm wearing power, and to keep power, you need knowledge.
- [SIGHS]
- You'll find them for me.
Okay?
I sleep on the couch.
[EVE SIGHS]
[KEYS CLATTER]
- [DOG BARKS NEARBY]
- [CREAKING]
Hello?
[ENGINE RUMBLES NEARBY]
[SIGHS]
[SIREN WAILS AND FADES]
[SIGHS]
Oh...
- [SIGHS]
- [MUFFLED SQUEAK]
[MUFFLED] Admit it, Eve.
You wish I was here.
Admit it, Eve.
You wish I was here.
Admit it, Eve.
[LOUDER] You wish I was here.
- Admit it, Eve.
- [TOY SQUEAKS]
- You wish I was here.
- Oh...
- Admit it, Eve.
- [TOY SQUEAKS]
You wish I was here.
Admit it, Eve.
You wish I was here.
- [CLICKS SWITCH]
- [RECORDING STOPS]
Oh, God...
Oh... [BREATHES HEAVILY]
[TOY SQUEAKS]
[CLICKS SWITCH]
Admit it, Eve.
You wish I was here.
Admit it, Eve.
You wish I was here.
Admit it, Eve.
You wish I was here.
Admit it, Eve.
You wish I was here.
03x03 - Meetings Have Biscuits
Moderator: kenny_stowton
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Two woman, Eve who is bored with her job that doesn't fufill her fantasies of being a spy and Villanelle, a talented k*ller are equally obsessed with each other, will go head to head in an epic game of cat and mouse.
Two woman, Eve who is bored with her job that doesn't fufill her fantasies of being a spy and Villanelle, a talented k*ller are equally obsessed with each other, will go head to head in an epic game of cat and mouse.