03x21 - Young At Heart

Previously on "The Secret Life of the American Teenager"

GEORGE: You're way, way too young to be moving in with a guy.

AMY: It's not just me moving in with a guy, it's my son, John, and me moving in with his father and my boyfriend.

BEN: You guys are my best friends.

HENRY: But you have a new best friend.

ALICE: Adrian.

BEN: That's not gonna change anything between the three of us.

HENRY: Yeah, it probably will.

CINDY: Have you and Ben talked seriously about finances? Is there a prenup?

ADRIAN: You think he wants a prenup?

MADISON: I wanna do it!

JACK: When I'm ready. I think you're gonna feel better about me if I stop putting the pressure on you.

GRACE: You think we're still gonna want our own place after nine years of college? After nine years

of having s*x?

GRANT: Yeah. As long as we don't make the whole relationship about s*x.

HAYLEY: I had a really nice ti.

ADRIAN: Yeah. As long So you liked it? the whole relationship

BEN: Uh, yes, I liked it.

ADRIAN: Feeling better about getting married and spending the rest of your life with me and your daughter?

BEN: Much, much, much better.

AMY: I'm being completely honest with you, so... I don't think I'm ready to move in just right yet.

RICKY: I love you, Amy.

AMY: I love you, too, Ricky.


Adrian tries a dress. Grace is with her.

ADRIAN: What do you think?

GRACE: You look pretty.

ADRIAN: Yeah, I kind of like this one.

GRACE: Yeah, it's-- it's nice.


GRACE: No, it's nice.

ADRIAN: Well, should I get it?

GRACE: I don't know. Is it in our price range?

ADRIAN: I don't really have a price range.

GRACE: Well, is it reasonable?

ADRIAN: No, it's completely unreasonable, but, well, I'm only gonna do this once. And...I want a wedding dress.

WOMAN: I have never seen that dress look better on anyone.

ADRIAN: Really?

WOMAN: Darling, that is superb.

ADRIAN: You think?

GRACE: Is there any way it could be altered to...fit? 'Cause the wedding is only three weeks away.

WOMAN: I'll get our seamstress. I'm sure she can make it fit.

ADRIAN: Yeah, but if it fits now, it probably won't fit in three weeks.

WOMAN: Maybe there's something in an Empire waist we can do something with. Let me go check our stock. There's no time for custom here. I'll be right back.

ADRIAN: Oh, I can't believe I'm getting married!

GRACE: It's really exciting.

ADRIAN: I wish we had time off from school so we can go on a honeymoon.

GRACE: Yeah, that would be nice.

ADRIAN: Of course, we kind of had a honeymoon last weekend when we were setting up the nursery.

GRACE: Meaning?

ADRIAN: Okay. I told Ben I wouldn't tell anyone, but we did it.

GRACE: Did what?

ADRIAN: You know what. Last weekend, in the nursery, when we were unpacking the baby bed and putting it together. And it was amazing.

GRACE: You had s*x?

ADRIAN: Yeah, we had s*x. Maybe the best s*x of my entire life.

GRACE: Wasn't it kind of, like, awkward?

ADRIAN: No. And you wanna know why? Because that Ben is crazy.

GRACE: Crazy?

ADRIAN: Yeah. You know, it's the quiet ones that'll surprise you. Look, I don't know what's going on with him. I don't know if he's been doing some research or he's just inspired, but he is a whole lot of fun.

GRACE: Oh, my.

ADRIAN: Yeah, oh, my. Girl, do you have any idea how happy I am? I mean, that was my one concern

that the two of us wouldn't get along in that way, but we do. I mean, he is crazy fun. Just crazy! And I get to spend my life with him. Like, I just…I don't know how I got so lucky. I mean... I just... I don't know what I did to deserve all this happiness. I feel like God has blessed me. You know, maybe we should be getting married in a church.

GRACE: Because the s*x is so good?

ADRIAN: Not just good, walk-on-water good. Do you know of any church where we could get married?

GRACE: Not really. I mean, we don't have a minister at our church. We've just been having guest ministers ever since Jack's dad left.

ADRIAN: Oh. Jack's dad. Great idea. Um, well, do you think he'd marry us at your church?

GRACE: I thought the judge who married your parents was gonna marry you.

ADRIAN: Yeah, but I don't want our marriage to just be a legal thing. You can always undo legal things. I want our marriage to be an eternal thing. I wanna have that kind of s*x for eternity.

GRACE: You know, there are other ways to show your love for each other other than having hot s*x. What about romance?

ADRIAN: Uh-oh. Things aren't going well with Grant already?

WOMAN: Okay, princess, let's get you into something that hot prince is gonna wanna rip off.

GRACE (whispering): You told her?

ADRIAN (whispering): Crazy.



Grace visits Amy.


AMY: Hi, Grace.

GRACE: So, do you mind if I come in?

AMY: Oh. No, no, no. Please. Um, I was just cleaning up 'cause my dad and Ashley ran out to get school supplies after dinner and left me with this. Um, and I just picked up John from the nursery. Oh, here. Have a seat. I'll get you a drink.

GRACE: Oh, no. I'm fine. I just had dinner with Adrian. We just went and grabbed a bite after we went shopping for wedding dresses.

AMY: Oh, that must've been fun.

GRACE: Yeah, it was really fun. Great. She doesn't want a big wedding, but she wants a really big

wedding dress.

AMY: Does she have any other choice?

GRACE: Funny.

AMY: I thought she and Ben weren't doing any of that stuff because they're getting a condo.

GRACE: Yeah, but her dad said he'd pay for the dress and the flowers and the caked all that.

AMY: That's nice.

GRACE: I know it seems as if she and Ben have everything, because Ben is Ben, but I just thought I'd drop by and...and ask if you think that we should throw her a shower.

AMY: I hadn't even thought about that.

GRACE: She and I threw you a baby shower, so I thought maybe you and I should throw her a baby shower.

AMY: Yeah. Uh...Um, yeah, I guess we should do that.

GRACE: Or I can just do it myself if you don't want to. I totally understand.

AMY: No, no, no. I was just thinking. I wasn't saying no. Um, I should do this. You're right. You and Adrian did this for me, so I should do this for her.

GRACE: It can just be a small shower. You know, just us girls, 'cause her mom's going out of town for a few weeks. So we could just have lunch together or something. Just, you know, a small gathering so she knows that we all support her and care about her.

AMY: I don't know how much money I have to put into this, but, uh, I'll see what I can afford to do.

GRACE: Of course. Yeah. I haven't even talked to my mom about it yet. And I don't have a job, so... We can just talk about it tomorrow.

AMY: Okay. See you at school tomorrow.

GRACE: Yeah. I'll see you at school. And, you know, it was really nice to see you at home. I haven't been here in ages.

AMY: No. Not since you came over to offer me a job at the church nursery.

GRACE: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

AMY: I really owe you, Grace. I don't know what I would do without that job. It's really been a lifesaver. And John loves it there. So you know what? I'm sorry I didn't respond a little more

enthusiastically here. I'm happy that you asked me to help you throw Adrian a shower. I'll do whatever I can.

GRACE: Thank you. I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. Good night.

AMY: Good night.

(Grace goes out)

AMY: Great. Like I need this.


Ricky calls Amy.

AMY: Hi.

RICKY: Yeah. Hi. I thought you were gonna call me when you got home.

AMY: I got home, and Dad had dinner ready. So I ate, and then I fed John, and then I gave him a bath. And now I am cleaning the kitchen, and I've got laundry to do and a test to study for. So I just forgot. I'm sorry.

RICKY: Yeah. Well, I hate to point this out, but if you'd moved in last weekend, I could be helping you

with John, and dinner and laundry and everything else.

AMY: I know. I just wasn't ready to move in last weekend.

RICKY: Are you gonna be ready to move in this weekend?

AMY: I don't know.

RICKY: Maybe you could just stay over this coming weekend.

AMY: Ricky, I don't know. Just Friday night. We'll see.

RICKY: Are you saying "we'll see" because I said "we'll see" to you?

AMY: No. It's just, I think that if we plan when I'm gonna stay over there, then I'm gonna get all anxious and nervous and not wanna stay over there.

RICKY: I make you that nervous?

AMY: Well, the thought of having s*x with you makes me that nervous. Nervous in a good way.

RICKY: Not a good way for me. You came over here a few weeks ago and practically ordered me to have s*x with you.

AMY: I was feeling pretty confident, wasn't I?

RICKY: Yeah. Well, I hope you're gonna feel that confident again sometime soon.

AMY: Yeah. Me, too. I gotta go. I'll call you before I go to bed, all right?

RICKY: Yeah. All right.

AMY: Talk to you later.

RICKY: Yeah. Later.


Adrian visits Amy.

ADRIAN: I just wanna say thank you for the shower. That is so sweet of you.

AMY: It's the least I can do. I mean, you gave me a shower, and that's when I went into labor, so I'll never forget it.

ADRIAN: Yeah, but that one was kind of lame. I'm sure the shower you give me will be much better. Much, much better.

AMY: I'll try.

ADRIAN: I'm sure you will. So, if you're home, I guess you're not living at Ricky's.

AMY: No. I decided to wait a little longer.

ADRIAN: You decided.

AMY: Yes. I decided.

ADRIAN: Oh. So I guess last weekend didn't go so well?

AMY: This has nothing to do with s*x. Or, actually, it does. I decided to wait.

ADRIAN: Oh. Wait longer. Ricky's gonna be waiting longer. Hasn't Ricky supposedly been waiting for months?

AMY: Not supposedly. He has. And he can wait a little longer.

ADRIAN: I don't know how far I'd push this waiting game. It's Ricky. You know what I mean?

AMY: I trust him.

ADRIAN: Yeah, I trusted him, too.

AMY: My relationship with Ricky is completely different than your relationship with Ricky.

ADRIAN: I know. And my relationship with Ben is completely different than your relationship with Ben. I don't wanna go into any details, but last weekend was crazy. I don't know how you let that one get away. I mean, wow. I have to go before I say any more. I just wanted to say thank you for the shower.

AMY: No. What you really wanted to do was let me know that everything went well with Ben. But I'm okay with that.

ADRIAN: Oh, things didn't just go well. Things went crazy. Good night. Thanks again. He's unbelievable. Best night of my life.

AMY: Even that far along?

ADRIAN: Oh, yeah. Even. And I'm sure that when you and Ricky finally get around to it, it will be a very...nice night in your life.

AMY: Bye. Good night.


Ricky calls Amy again.

AMY(at phone): Hello.

RICKY(at phone): Hey, why don't you just come over here now? We hadn't planned on doing anything tonight, so this way it'll just be spontaneous. You won't have time to get nervous.

AMY(at phone): And what should I do with our son? Should I wake him up and bring him over there with me, or should I leave him in the house and let Moose watch him? No one's here.

RICKY(at phone): Okay. I'll come over there.

AMY(at phone): And risk Dad and Ashley walking in on us? No. I don't think so. Besides, I'd have to clean up, and I still haven't done my homework.

RICKY(at phone): So that's your excuse now for not having s*x with me you haven't done your homework?

AMY(at phone): Hey, I don't need an excuse. I'm not making excuses. I'm just saying no, that's all.

RICKY(at phone): You really wanna say no to me? You know how I am.

AMY(at phone): Yes. And you know what, Ricky? I do know how you are, and I know that at this point in our relationship, you wouldn't do anything with anyone else but me. You might not know that yet, but I know that.

RICKY(at phone): You don't know anything. And it sounds as if you're throwing down some kind of a challenge here.

AMY(at phone): No, I'm not doing that. I'm just saying how much I love you, and I know you love me.

RICKY(at phone): Yeah? Well, if you love me... All right. That was kind of lame. But I don't think we should be doing this or not doing this.

AMY(at phone): Tonight's not the right night, Ricky. We'll know when it's the right night.

RICKY(at phone): Any night is the right night, because I do love you, Amy.

AMY(at phone): And I love you, too, but I don't want just s*x.

RICKY(at phone): Well, maybe we could start with just s*x and see where that goes.

AMY(at phone): No. I think we already did that.

RICKY(at phone): Fine. Good night.

AMY(at phone): Good night.


Ricky is upset, he goes out.


Leo talks with Ben about his succession.

BEN: So, all this would be mine if--

LEO: If something happened to me. But nothing does gonna happen to me for a long, long time.

BEN: Yeah, but when something does happen to you...Wow.

LEO: I'm sorry, but you seem a little too happy about something happening to me.

BEN: No, no, no. No, that's-- that's not it. I'm just happy.

LEO: Yeah. I've been watching all week. You seem happy. Very happy. Out-of-character happy. I know you're under a tremendous amount of pressure here, and I was just wondering, what's making you so happy? I mean, I hate to ask you this, but…

BEN: But, yes, we did. Adrian and I had s*x. If you must know. I mean...

LEO: No, I must not know. Or I didn't wanna know, anyway. Not about that.

BEN: You were asking why I was so happy. That's why I'm so happy.

LEO: Okay.

BEN: But why did you think I was so happy? I mean, what were you gonna ask me that you hated to ask me?

LEO: I thought maybe you were trying to handle all this pressure by doing drugs or drinking or something.

BEN: Oh, funny. No, no, no, no. After last weekend, you don't have to worry about my ever doing drugs or taking a drink for the rest of my life. Whoo. Believe me.

LEO: I believe you. And I don't wanna hear anything about that, all right? Let's talk about the prenup.

BEN: As far as I'm concerned, Adrian and our daughter are welcome to everything I have.

LEO: Did you read this carefully? You don't have anything. It's all mine. And if something were to happen to you, then whatever you would get would go to Adrian and the baby. Now, what the prenup says is that that would only happen after a number of years and the percentage that Adrian would get goes up with each year of marriage. Now, your daughter can't really get anything until she's 30 because that money's in a trust. And then she'll get a small amount each year. Ruben will go over all of this with Adrian.

BEN: All right.

LEO: Do not take this lightly. Make sure you understand this.

BEN: All I really understand is that I'm going to be a very happy man for the rest of my life.

LEO: Maybe.

BEN: No, definitely.

LEO: There's an old saying, okay? And it goes something like this: During your first year of marriage, you put a penny in a bucket every time you have s*x. Then, starting your second year of marriage, usually about the time when the baby comes along, you take a penny out every time you have s*x. And you won't drain that bucket if you're married for 50 years.

BEN: We'll see about that.

LEO: The woman is having your baby. Things are gonna change after the baby gets here.

BEN: Yeah, it would seem only for the better. Although I don't know how things could get any better. Whoo.

LEO: We are done here.

BEN: All right. Nice talking to you, Dad. I'm just gonna go look for a big, big bucket.


Ricky plays golf. Jack and Tom join him.

JACK: What are you doing here?

RICKY: What are you doing here?

JACK: I asked you first.

TOM: I don't know what you two are doing here, but I know what I'm doing here. Not having s*x. I've been taking the damn bus for a week. I never meet anyone. Anyone!

JACK: So, uh, I thought you and Amy were moving in together. What happened?

RICKY: I thought you and Madison were gonna stop doing what you're doing and do the real thing. What happened?

JACK: Her stepmother asked me to step back and stop putting pressure on Madison right now, so we stopped having s*x altogether.

RICKY: I didn't really wanna know. I just asked you because you asked me. How long have you two been seeing each other?

JACK: Do you really wanna know that?

RICKY: Yeah, I really wanna know that. And I really wanna know how you don't really have s*x after however long you've been together. Because I know it's a long time.

TOM: He plays football and basketball and volleyball, and he goes bowling.

JACK: I play sports because I like to play sports.

RICKY: Yeah, I play drums because I like drums. But I like s*x better. Right now, I'm not having s*x.

JACK: Join the club.

RICKY: That's not a club I care to join.

JACK: You know, uh, Grace asked me if I'd ask my dad if he'd marry Adrian and Ben. Apparently they had s*x last weekend, and the two of them thought they saw God or something.

TOM: Why not me, God? Why not me?

RICKY: Do I really need to know that Adrian and Ben are having s*x?

JACK: Apparently everyone knows. Just like everyone knows you and Amy probably aren't having s*x. Of course, not me, because I never know anything.


Grace is in the kitchen. Jack enters in the room.

JACK: Good morning. I'm just grabbing some milk. We're out of milk out there.

GRACE: All you have to do is write "milk" on the list, and Mom will get it for you. It's not that difficult.

JACK: Looks like someone's not in a good mood this morning.

GRACE: No, I am.

JACK: No, you're not. Have a fight with Grant, is that it?

GRACE: No, I did not have a fight with Grant, and I'm not in a bad mood. Why, did you hear something?

JACK: No. Was there something to hear?


JACK: All right. Well, I talked to my dad.


JACK: And I didn't ask him. I thought about it, but I didn't. I really don't have any reason to do you any favors.

GRACE: I believe you're sleeping in our guest house, aren't you?

JACK: Yeah, but that was a favor from your mother, not you.

GRACE: Are you saying you want a favor from me? I hope you don't mean some sort of sexual favor.

JACK: I didn't say I wanted a favor. I don't want a favor from you, sexual or otherwise.

GRACE: Well, you already got a sexual favor from me, if I recall.

JACK: That wasn't a favor. You waed to do that just as much as I did, and you thought it was great.

GRACE: Yeah.

JACK: It was so good you thought you'd killed your own father.

GRACE: I know. How stupid was that?

JACK: It wasn't stupid. I mean, we were good together. It was a good night for the two of us.

GRACE: My father died that night. That was not a good night for me.

JACK: Before you found out your father died, it was a good night for you.

GRACE: I guess.

JACK: You guess?

GRACE: I don't even really remember it that much.

JACK: It was your first time.

GRACE: Yeah, maybe I'm blocking it out or something. I wish we'd waited. I wish my first time had been with Grant. And I'm lucky that doesn't keep him from wanting to be my boyfriend.

JACK: Yeah, well, I doubt you're the first girl he's been with. And he's lucky that didn't stop you from wanting to be his girlfriend.

GRACE: Well, thank you.

JACK: Don't thank me. Somehow a remark just accidentally turned into a compliment. You annoy me. You and Grant.

GRACE: Why, because we're having s*x, and you're not?

JACK: I could if I wanted to. Maybe I've grown up a little this year. Maybe I don't have to have s*x. Maybe I'm okay with being in a relationship without having s*x.

GRACE: Or maybe you and Madison don't really love each other. Maybe that's why you're okay not having s*x. Just so you know, I already called your dad, and he said he'd do it. He'll marry Adrian and Ben.

JACK: Isn't it funny how you have my dad's number, and you know him well enough to call him, and yet you haven't even met Grant's father? And you're having s*x with Grant. And I did hear, and I know what the fight was about.


Adrian meets Amy in the hall.


AMY: Hi.

ADRIAN: So I'm going to pick up my wedding dress this afternoon. Do you wanna see it?

AMY: Oh, thanks, but I have to work this afternoon. But if you want, you can come over, and we could talk about your shower tonight.

ADRIAN: On a Friday night? No, not tonight. I have other things to do tonight, if you know what I mean. Ooh. I'll talk to you later.

Adrian leaves Amy and joins Ben.


BEN: Hey, there. Hey, so what time do you wanna go out tonight?

ADRIAN: How's 3:30?

BEN: No. I have to go to work. I don't get off until 5:00.

ADRIAN: Well, then, I'll see you at 5:15.

BEN: Well, I gotta go home and take a shower.

ADRIAN: Well, how about I meet you in the shower at the condo?

BEN: I like that idea. What kind of soap do you like?

ADRIAN: I'll bring the soap and the shampoo. You just bring you.

Henry and Alice join them.

BEN: Hi, guys.




HENRY: We wanted to see if you guys wanted to catch a movie or something tonight since we didn't get to go out with you last weekend and haven't talked to you all week.

BEN/ADRIAN: Not tonight.

ALICE: Tomorrow night?


ALICE: I'm trying to make an effort here since Ben said he wants us to be included in your new life together.

BEN: Well, it's gotten newer, and I've changed my mind. You two were right. You can't be included in everything.

ADRIAN: Oh, but I do want you to come to my shower, Alice. Grace and Amy are throwing me a shower.

ALICE: Sure. I'd love to come. And that's really nice of Grace and Amy.

ADRIAN: Yeah, well, I guess everyone is just happy for us and the baby.

BEN: Have a nice weekend.

(Ben and Adrian leave)

ALICE: "Nice weekend"? Weekend? We're not gonna see him all weekend? What happened? What happened between last weekend and this weekend?

HENRY: I bet I know what happened.

ALICE: I bet you don't. She's having a baby. They did not have s*x.

HENRY: I think they did.

ALICE: Well, they didn't! And now I have to go to a stupid shower for her!

HENRY: Yeah, well, she's our best friend's soon-to-be wife. You're probably gonna have to do a lot of stuff with her.

ALICE: No, I'm not.

HENRY: Embrace it.

Grant talks with Grace.

GRANT: I was wrong, and you were right. I should've introduced you to my parents by now.

GRACE: Yes, you should have, but thank you. This is so sweet.

GRANT: I got it from our garden, so it actually smells. And my dad suggested it. And it's my fault if you're closer to Jack's dad, and you have his phone number, and you talk to him and not my dad, because you don't even know my dad.


GRANT: And I love you.

GRACE: I love you, too. And you're gonna introduce me to your parents when?

GRANT: Tonight. But we'll have to make it early.

GRACE: Okay. How early?

GRANT: I don't know. 5:30?

GRACE: Okay.

Amy arrives, Ricky helps her.

AMY: Thank you.

RICKY: Hey. I got that. Here. Thanks. You know where this goes.

AMY: Thank you.

RICKY: I missed you last night.

AMY: Oh, I missed you, too.

(They kiss)

AMY: If you're doing this so that people will think that we're having s*x, I don't really care. I like kissing you. A lot.

RICKY: Why don't you bring John back over tonight and you stay over, too?

AMY: No. That's okay.

RICKY: I thought we wanted to see what it's like to be a family.

AMY: We do want that. I want that.

RICKY: I want that too, and... I wanna sleep with you, Amy.

AMY: I know.

RICKY: You know? And?

AMY: And when it's right.

RICKY: Okay. Well, suppose we have an agreement that until it's right, that I can do whatever I want?

AMY: You can do whatever you want. Look, Ricky, I promise that for the rest of our lives, you can do whatever you want. You just can't do whatever you want when you want with me. And that's just the way it's going to be, because the only way I'd be comfortable is if I feel like I have complete control over when we have s*x. I don't think I'm ever just gonna do it with you because you wanna do it. Not even if we're living together or…or even if we're married. I want our relationship to be more than s*x.

RICKY: I thought it was.


Grace prevents Kathleen Grant’s parents come.

KATHLEEN: It's only 5:30. Why are you going out at 5:30?

GRACE: Because that's what time Grant said his dad likes to go out.

KATHLEEN: At 5:30?

GRACE: Yeah. And Grant's parents really want to meet you, so they're gonna come over here first, and then Grant and I are gonna go out.

KATHLEEN: And leave them here with me?

GRACE: No, I don't think so.

KATHLEEN: Well, I hope not. Honey, I just got home, and I haven't cooked anything, we don't have any food in the house, and... Well, it's not even dinnertime, and I have been running around all day getting ideas for that shower you're gonna throw next week.

GRACE: Well, I told you I would do it.

KATHLEEN: Yeah, but you did it last time, and it was totally lame.

GRACE: Well, I really appreciate everything you're doing, especially since we're not inviting mothers. Thank you.

KATHLEEN: You're welcome.

GRACE: Maybe you should just get in there and whip up something for Grant's parents to eat. Maybe, like, appetizers or something.

KATHLEEN: I don't wanna get in there and whip something up. Why don't you whip something up?

GRACE: Because all I know how to make are cookies, and this feels too grown-up for cookies.

(doorbell rings)

GRACE: Maybe we could just offer them a cocktail or something?

KATHLEEN: A cocktail? Honey, I don't make cocktails. I have a bottle of wine, but it's been open for weeks.

Grace opens the door.

CARRIE: Hi. You must be Grace. I'm Carrie Costigan.


KATHLEEN: I would assume Grant's mom.

GRACE: Grant's last name isn't Costigan.

CARRIE: I kept my maiden name.


KATHLEEN: Well, hi. I'm Kathleen, Grace's mom. Come on in.

CARRIE: So nice to meet you finally. And you, Grace. Look at you. You're gorgeous. Grant said you were gorgeous. And he said the same thing about you. No, actually, he said Grace's mom was hot.

KATHLEEN: Oh. Oh, that's so nice of him. I really like Grant. Even before he said that.

GRACE: Um, are you by yourself?

CARRIE: Well...

GRANT: We're coming. We're coming. Hi, Grace, Kathleen. You met my mother Carrie?

CARRIE: We met. And this is Grant's father, my husband of 20 years. This is Vic Foeburg.

VIC: Vic Foeburg, the Voice of Sports. Nice to meet you, ladies. Wanna ask me to come in and sit down, or should I just end my days here at the door?

KATHLEEN: Oh! Oh, goodness. Yes. Come on in. Please come in.

CARRIE: Oh, one of those May-December romances.

VIC: May 1969, December 1930.

CARRIE: That's our favorite joke. See, I was born in '69, and the B-man was born in '30. You got yourself a boyfriend with some good genes, Grace.


Amy comes home.

GEORGE: Your plate's in the microwave. Why are you late again?

AMY: I told you I was gonna take John out to dinner, just the two of us.

ASHLEY: Oh, Ricky's busy tonight?

GEORGE: If he is, you just let him be busy. That was a good decision you made-- waiting to move in with him.

AMY: I don't know what Ricky's doing tonight. I just wanted to go out with John.

GEORGE: Too many dishes for you last night?

AMY: There was a lot of dishes, but I really enjoyed the dinner, Dad, so I was fine cleaning up. It's just that last night was a school night, and I cleaned, I had to entertain Grace and Adrian, I fed John and gave him a bath and got him to bed and still had homework to do. I don't know, I just feel as if every night, I'm rushing through what I need to do for John to get to what I need to do for me. So tonight we went out, and we took our time eating, and we played those little arcade games and drove the little cars, and, uh, we bopped the things on the head. It was fun.

ASHLEY: So having a baby is now fun?

AMY: It should be fun for him to be baby, just like it should be fun for me to be a teenager some of the time.

ASHLEY: And it should be fun for me to be a teenager some of the time, but Toby's car's in the shop, so Dad volunteered to drive us. You wouldn't wanna loan Toby your car, would you?

AMY: No. You're going out with Toby tonight?

ASHLEY: I am going out with Toby tonight.

GEORGE: She's going out with Toby tonight, and I'm going with them.

ASHLEY: No, you're not. You're just dropping us off.

AMY: I thought that we'd all just hang out. Last week, you were yelling at me for never being around, for not being here so we can get through this together tonight.

ASHLEY: Yeah, but now I really am over it.

(Ashley leaves)

AMY: Fine. You drop her off, and then we can hang out. You know, after I get John to bed. Where are you going?


AMY: Out where? You have a date?

GEORGE: No, but if I don't get out, I'll never get a date, so I'm getting out. While they're at the movie, I'm going to a sports bar.

AMY: You're going to drink?

GEORGE: No, I'm not gonna drink. I'm driving. I'm looking for women who drink and like sports.

AMY: Fine. Well, then, I will look forward to having the house to myself for once.

GEORGE: To do what?

AMY: I don't know. Maybe I'll start with a long, hot bath, and then I'll start working on that stupid shower. I'm trying to figure out what we can do for Adrian.

GEORGE: You're really gonna give Adrian a shower?

AMY: Yeah. I'm really doing that, and I'm going to need money to do that.

GEORGE: How much money?

AMY: I don't know. Whatever you wanna give me.

GEORGE: 200 bucks?

AMY: What?

GEORGE: Well, it can't cost more than 200 bucks, can it?

AMY: Dad, you are always yelling at Ashley and me to stick to our budgets, and you'd give me $200 to throw Adrian a shower? You didn't even give me 200 bucks when I was pregnant.

GEORGE: Would you quit competing with that girl? Come here, little man. Come here, handsome. Yeah! Oh, boy!


Ricky calls Ricky.

AMY (at phone): Hello.

RICKY (at phone): Okay. Last chance. You wanna come over tonight, or don't you?

AMY (at phone): No, I don't. Not tonight, but thanks for asking.

RICKY (at phone): Is this how it's gonna be when we're married "No, not tonight, but thanks for asking"?

AMY (at phone): I don't know. But I'm sure there will be some nights when I wanna do it and you don't.

RICKY (at phone): No, there won't. It doesn't work like that.

AMY (at phone): Fine. Well, it's nice to know that you'll always wanna have s*x with me.

RICKY (at phone): Even if you don't always wanna have s*x with me?

AMY (at phone): Yes.


Ben and Adrian are in the couch.

ADRIAN: I'm starving.

BEN: I ordered in.

ADRIAN: Oh, you're the best. I'm in heaven here.

BEN: Yeah. Me, too. But, you know, we're not supposed to be here until after we're married.

ADRIAN: I know, I know. But we're not gonna spend the night.

BEN: I can't wait to spend the night with you. I can't wait to start our lives together me and you and the baby.

ADRIAN: Well, I think we're off to a really hot start.

BEN: Yeah.


(They kiss)


Somebody knocks on the door, George opens.

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah! I'm coming, I'm coming! Hey, Toby. Good to see you. This your mother? No wonder you don't wanna leave home to go to school.

TOBY: Ashley said this would be hell. This is going to be hell.

GEORGE: Why do you two have to go out tonight?

TOBY: Well, because the movie's only showing at the Art House tonight, and it's not gonna be on TV, and Ashley really wants to see it.

GEORGE: Yeah, all right. Let Ashley know you're here, will you?

TOBY: Gladly.

(He leaves)

CARLY: I can drive them. I'm Carly, Toby's stepsister.

GEORGE: I see. I'm George, Ashley's stepbrother. How old are you? You in high school?

CARLY: No, I am not in high school. I'm not even in college. But I teach at the local community college.

GEORGE: Criminy. I'm gonna have to sign up for some courses.

CARLY: Are you interested in geography?

GEORGE: I might be.

CARLY: Really, I can drive Toby and Ashley. I was gonna go to the sports bar across the street and just wait for them.

GEORGE: No kidding? That's what I was gonna do.

CARLY: Then the two of us should drive them, and we can hang out together. Better than not drinking alone, right?

GEORGE: Right.

(Knocking, Ricky comes on in)

GEORGE: Oh, it's my other daughter's boyfriend. I thought you weren't coming over tonight. RICKY: I changed my mind. I'll just let Amy know I'm here.

GEORGE: No, I'll let Amy know you're here, and I'll let you know if she feels like seeing you tonight. Excuse me, Carly. I'll be right back.

(George leaves)

RICKY: What are you doing here?

CARLY: My stepbrother's Ashley's study buddy. What are you doing here?

RICKY: Ashley is Amy's sister.

CARLY: As in the mother of your son?

RICKY: Yeah. Are you going out with George? He's, like, an old man.

CARLY: I thought you didn't have anything about age differences. And don't forget, I'm ten years older than you are.

RICKY: He's way more than ten years older than you are.

CARLY: I am not having s*x with him. We just met. We're driving the kids to the movies. Do you wanna hook up later? What time you gonna be home?

(George goes back)

GEORGE: She said to give her ten minutes. She'd like to speak with you.

Amy and Ricky speak together.

RICKY: It's just...you led me to believe you wanted to have s*x with me, you wanted to live with me, so I have expectations.

AMY: Aw. You must be really disappointed. Although, I must say that I think you were a little nervous about my moving in.

RICKY: No, I wasn't. And once I got my mind around it, it all made sense. It still makes sense.

AMY: It does. It does make sense.

RICKY: So, since we agreed that it makes total sense…

AMY: Then when we do move in together, we'll both be ready, and it'll be great.

RICKY: Don't build my expectations even more with, "It'll be great." Maybe it won't be so great. Maybe you'll just be saying no all the time once you move in.

AMY: I won't be saying no all the time. I might say no sometimes.

RICKY: And by "sometimes," you mean how many times?

AMY: I don't know. Look, Ricky, I told you. I wanna be able to say no and for you to hear that.

RICKY: Yeah, you told me that over and over and over again.

AMY: And you don't seem to be hearing me.

RICKY: Oh, I hear you. I hear you all right. Good night.

AMY: Come on. Don't leave angry.

RICKY: I'm not angry, but I am leaving.

(Ricky leaves)

AMY: Moose. It's not like Ricky is an animal. I mean, he can control the need to have s*x if he wants. Am I right, Moose? Hmm? Am I? Exactly.

Adrian enters in the house.

ADRIAN: Hey, I just saw Ricky leave. What's going on?

AMY: Nothing's going on.

ADRIAN: Oh. That's what I figured.

AMY: Well, I guess,,since you're home, and it's 8:00 at night, and you're in your robe, nothing's going on between you and Ben either.

ADRIAN: Oh, it's already gone on, and I'm just home because I am exhausted. But since it is early, I thought I'd see how plans for the shower are going.

AMY: Grace said her mom was going to come up with some ideas, try to get some prices from some restaurants, you know, so maybe we can have it at a restaurant. You know, so it won't be as lame as the one you and Grace threw me.

ADRIAN: Great.

AMY: Yeah. So, we'll let you know something soon.

ADRIAN: All right. Well... Look, I can't just go home without talking to you woman-to-woman.

AMY: About the shower?

ADRIAN: No, Amy. About Ben, about Ricky. Look, sooner or later, you two are going to do it. You know you are. So go ahead. Get in there. Look, if it's not good the first time. I mean, the second time… then it will get better, eventually. So just get in there. You know, move in. Because if you wait, then, well, I think you're gonna have to be prepared to lose him. I wasn't prepared to lose Ricky. And believe me, it was painful. And I just… I just wanna spare you the pain.

AMY: Your serial logic is flawed. You lost him, and you were having s*x with him.

ADRIAN: Yeah. Well, as it turns out, I have something better now. So I know that Ben was... He was in God's plan for me.

AMY: God wanted you to have Ben?

ADRIAN: Well, apparently.


Kathleen speaks with Grant’s mother.

CARRIE: Mmm. It's very...

KATHLEEN: Old? Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean "old." I mean, uh, flat.

CARRIE: It's okay. You can say "old." Vic knows he's old. I know he's old. But, hey, it works for us. Most of the time. I'm sorry. That was a joke. I forgot you were Christian.

KATHLEEN: Oh, I can still have a sense of humor. It just took me a second to get the joke.

CARRIE: Vic's a great guy. We have a lot of fun. Mostly during the day.

KATHLEEN: Okay, I got that one.

CARRIE: He's a few years older. Decades even. But I don't care. He's a wonderful husband.

He's a great father.

KATHLEEN: I'm sure, because Grant's a really nice guy.

CARRIE: Oh, thank you. You just wish he wasn't sleeping with your daughter.

KATHLEEN: Are you okay with your son sleeping with my daughter?

CARRIE: Honestly? Yeah. I think they're great together.

KATHLEEN: Hmm. You think it'll last?

CARRIE: Who knows if it'll last? I mean, my parents never thought Vic and I would last, and they're both dead now.

KATHLEEN: Probably what killed them. Oh, no... Was it recently? That wasn't funny.

CARRIE: Years ago. And it was funny. I just wasn't expecting it. Oh, you have a great sense of humor.

KATHLEEN: Oh, thank you.

CARRIE: I'm really glad Grant finally introduced us.


CARRIE: I wish we could've met Jeff tonight.

KATHLEEN: He's doing some volunteer work in Africa, in Zimbabwe.

CARRIE: I heard. And I heard he's a bit younger.

KATHLEEN: Yes, he is. But it works for us most of the time. I don't know why I said that.

Grant and Grace listen to Vic.

VIC: The voice has to have a personality. It can't be perfect. It has to have character. It's not about the quality or even the pitch. It's just got to say something about who you are. And the audience has to like who you are. You have to put your heart into it. I always put my heart into it. Oh, mama! That one's over the fence! That was mine. And so was "stee-rike three!" You know how many guys have copied that?

GRANT: Dad. He's joking. He didn't originate "stee-rike three."

GRACE: I can't believe Grant's never told me all these things about you.

VIC: Well, if he did, then you could Google me, and then Grant might have to worry that you're only going out with him because he's my son.

GRANT: I would, Dad. I would totally worry about that.

VIC: Can I tell you, Grace? This guy here, he's a keeper. All I could do is talk about sports. This guy's an athlete. And he's smart. He was smart enough to say yes when his gay cousin said, "I got a girl for you." And by the way, thank you. Thank you for fixing up Griffin.

GRACE: It was kind of an accident.

VIC: In love, there are no accidents. A few swings and misses, and sometimes an error or two, but you gotta play the game with heart. That's what I did.

(Vic starts to sing)

VIC: Come on. Dance, you two.

Grant and Grace begin to dance. Carrie joins them and dances with her husband.


Carly knocks on the door but Ricky doesn’t want to open.


Ricky plays golf, Amy joins him. They play together.

End of the episode.