01x09 - Luck, Next Time


[title card: Lisbon, Portugal - Present Day]

[Latin guitar music plays. The camera pans up the ornate iron railing of a balcony on a house. In the window, we can see what looks to be a man posing as Jesus, hands outstretched and upturned, with a light glowing on the wall behind his head. Three older men with beards stand around him in period costume. They all stand absolutely still as if they're posed for a painting.]

[A woman, Isabella Pernao, enters. The camera's view of the scene is obscured as it moves to another window. When we see the scene again, Isabella isn't there.]


[The camera starts to pull away. Isabella is revealed to be naked, kneeling on a table in front of the man dressed as Jesus, rocking back and forth as if having s*x with him, with no pleasure evident in her features. The man dressed as Jesus doesn't move or react to her; Isabella stares straight ahead with an empty look upon her face.]

[The camera zooms out to reveal a video camera on a tripod, filming the entire scenario.]

[main title]


[Alice and Lisa are in bed. Lisa has his arm and leg over Alice. She tries to get up. He awakens.]

Lisa: Mm. Where you going?

Alice: I would like to go to the bathroom.

Lisa: So, are you coming back?

[Lisa kisses Alice's forehead.]

Alice: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

[Alice gets up. Lisa snuggles into her pillow.]

Lisa: Hurry back, lover.

[Alice walks down the hallway.]

Alice: (to herself) What a lez!


[Bette is at the counter making some juice. Tina walks in the back door.]

Tina: Babe, I thought you were supposed to be gone.

Bette: No, I've got 5 minutes.

Tina: Well, do you mind moving your car, because the guys are here with the tank and they can't get through.

Bette: (turns around) What tank?

[Tina walks outside. Bette walks into the livingroom to look out the window.]

Tina: (to guys with tank) It's okay, she's gonna move it.

[Bette looks outside. There are a couple of guys in the driveway with a huge, round, wooden tank. Tina looks up at Bette in the window.]

Tina: (to Bette) You gonna move it, or what?

Bette: (smiling) Is that one of those birthing tanks?

Tina: Yeah.

Bette: Well, since when did we agree to have the baby in water?

Tina: Since I decided to give birth that way. I didn't wanna bother you with it.

Bette: (smiling) It's six months away, I don't understand why you're buying this now.

Tina: Because, I got a good deal on it. It would have been more to rent it.

Bette: And what is Doctor Wilson saying about this?

Tina: She thinks it's great.

Bette: So, you've talked to her about it, but not to me?

Tina: Baby. Please, move your car.


[A palm tree-lined street. Muffled hip hop music is heard coming out of a sleek, black stretch limo belonging to rapper Slim Daddy. A man opens the door for Kit to get in.]

Kit: Yo, whassup!


[Hip hop music plays. Kit gets in the limo and sits next to Slim Daddy. A few other guys are sitting in the back of the expansive automobile. One of them holds a tray of fruit smoothies. ]

Kit: Hi, Slim Daddy.

Slim: Hey, how you doing today?

Kit: Pretty good, yeah. You know, I really wanna thank you for giving me a ride to the studio.

Slim: sh1t, why wouldn't I wanna ride with a beautiful woman like you?

[Kit blushes.]

Smoothie Guy: Uh, Miss Porter. Do you want a smoothie?

Kit: Uh... yeah. What's in them?

Smoothie Guy: Fruit.

Slim: Tell her what kind we got.

Smoothie Guy: We got strawberry, orange, some berry-type thing, and, uh... peanut butter.

[Kit scrunches her nose.]

Smoothie Guy: Y'know, just in case.

Kit: I will take, uh, the strawberry.

[Smoothie Guy hands the strawberry smoothie to Slim Daddy. Kit is about to take it, but he instead holds it for her to take a sip. She does. The other guys smile.]

Slim: You like that?

Kit: Yeah, it's good. But I think I'd like it better if I could, um, drink it myself.

[Smoothie Guy laughs. Slim Daddy hands her the drink.]

Slim: (to Smoothie Guy) You drinking the peanut butter one.

[Smoothie Guy shuts up. The other guys laugh at him.]


[Great big, expensive house in the hills, surrounded by palm trees.]


[Dana is in bed. She's petting her cat, Mr. Piddles. He purrs like a motor. She kisses his head.]

Dana: Mr. Piddles? There's something important I have to tell you.

[Mr. Piddles purrs. Dana scratches his ear.]

Dana: Do you remember Lara? You remember how... how she used to come over all the time and... stay over sometimes and... we'd move around a lot and... together? Mr. Piddles, Lara's gay.

[Mr. Piddles stops purring. Dana looks at him.]

Dana: So am I. You still love me?

[Mr. Piddles purrs.]

Dana: Oh, you're the best cat in the world, Mr. P.

[Dana is startled when she hears her front door open and close.]

Dana: (to Mr. Piddles) Shhh.

[Whoever it is sets their keys down on the table in the other room, then a door creaks. Dana leans back, looking a bit worried, and grabs the covers. Alice walks into her bedroom.]

Dana: What are you doing here?!

[Alice plops down on the edge of the bed.]

Alice: (sighs) I've come... to get you out of bed.

[Dana knits her brow at her.]

Alice: C'mon. Let's go. I've had enough of this. C'mon.

[Alice throws the covers back. Mr. Piddles meows and runs into the other room.]

Alice: Oh sh1t - sorry. Mr. Piddles. (to Dana) Okay. C'mon.

[Alice physically moves Dana's legs over the side of the bed. Dana grumbles.]

Alice: Some of us have it worse, you know, Dana. Some of us are dating lesbian men. Okay? C'mon.

[Alice walks into the other room. Dana raises her brows at her.]


[Bette is in the conference room, watching the Jesus video from the beginning of the episode. James sits at her side.]

Bette: (whispering) Look at her face.... She's searching for a feeling. It's like she's longing for faith. She'd do anything to get it. To feel it. (smiling) I love this work.

James: It is really cool.

[The man posing as Jesus in the film falls forward onto the woman, Isabella, as if in orgasm.]

[A flower delivery guy walks in carrying a big bouquet of flowers in a vase. He's distracted by the film.]

James: Can I help you?

Flower Guy: Uh. (looks at receipt) Uh, Bette Porter.

Bette: I'm Bette Porter.

Flower Guy: These are for you.

[James sets the flowers on the table.]

James: There's no card. Who are these from?

Flower Guy: Um... (looks at receipt) It, uh, doesn't say.

James: (to Bette) Tina?

Bette: No. Tina's into practical gift-giving.

[Flower Guy looks at the film.]

Flower Guy: Is that supposed to be art?

[James signs the Flower Guy's receipt.]

Bette: (smiling) It's not supposed to be. It is.

[Flower Guy doesn't look convinced.]

Flower Guy: I guess Hustler and Penthouse may put out some pretty good art, too.

[Flower Guy leaves. James looks at Bette, laughing.]

Bette: Can you make sure he leaves the building?

James: Yeah.

[Bette looks back at the film. Isabella sits alone now, weeping into her hands.]


[People are outside enjoying the sunshine.]


[Alice and Dana are sitting together. Alice pushes a drink towards Dana. Dana just wants to slump in her chair and mope.]

Alice: What is gonna cheer you up?

[Dana rolls her eyes and slowly leans up out of her slump. She takes a sip of the drink. Alice grabs her cellphone and dials someone.]

Alice: (phone) Hello? Uh, hello, yeah. I was wondering if your refrigerator is running. oh, it is?

[Alice hands the phone to Dana.]

Alice: Go. They said "yeah." C'mon.

[Dana puts the phone to her ear.]

Dana: (phone) Well, then, you better catch it!

[They both laugh.]

Dana: (phone) Mom?

[Alice stops smiling. Dana hangs up the phone and throws it at Alice. Alice sets it on the table.]

Alice: You have got to talk to this woman, and I mean it.

Dana: Why?

Alice: Because you don't know if she's coming around -

[The phone rings. Alice hands it to Dana.]

Alice: Okay. It's her. Let's go.

Dana: No!

[Alice answers it.]

Alice: (phone) Hello? Yes. Okay. Ye - I - I know, it wasn't funny. Yeah. She is.

[Alice hands the phone to Dana. Dana reluctantly takes it.]

Alice: She wants to talk.

Dana: (sighs) (phone) Hello? (listening) Yeah. Yeah, I know. But, mom, I'm not! I - (listening) O - Okay. O - fine, fine. Bye.

[Dana hangs up.]

Alice: Well?

Dana: It's like I came out to a piece of wood. I mean, she didn't even mention it.

Alice: That's good. She's accepting it through denial.

Dana: She's setting me up on a blind date with her friend Mildred's son!

Alice: At least it's not shock therapy.

Dana: What?!


[Busy commercial district streets in near the mountains.]


[Shane is leaving. John catches her in the door.]

John: Uh, what are you doing? (to customer) Hello.

Shane: I'm getting coffee.

John: No, you are not. Cherie Jaffe is your six o'clock and she's not gonna wait for you.


John: Be nice.

[Shane still stands in the doorway. A woman, Cherie's assistant, gets out of a white SUV and comes inside, to the front counter.]

Assistant: Hi.

Receptionist: Hi.

Assistant: Uh, I'm looking for a Shane McCutcheon.

[Receptionist nods over at Shane. Shane steps over.]

Shane: I'm Shane.

[The assistant unfolds a big folder on the counter.]

Assistant: Okay, um... these are Mrs. Jaffe's records, treatments her hair has undergone in the last 5 years, uh, a list of preferred products to be used on her hair, and ones that you must, under no circumstances, use.

[Shane nods.]

Assistant: If you've read and understand the information, you can just sign right here.

[The woman places an "X" on a form for Shane to sign. Shane signs it.]

Shane: It's no problem.

Assistant: Thank you.

Shane: Allright.

[Cherie Jaffe walks in. She's a little hurried and looks completely disinterested.]

Assistant: (whispering to Cherie) That's Shane.

Cherie: Sorry, what?

Assistant: That's Shane.

Cherie: Great.

Shane: Hi.

Cherie: (nodding) Hello.


[A bunch of dancers are practicing a routine set to Kit's song. Bette stands off to the side in the shadows, smiling. Kit looks a bit out of sorts and can't seem to keep up with the dancers. The choreographer counts off and the group dances, but Kit keeps lagging behind.]

Choreographer: And 5, 6, 7, 8. (dancing) And one, two, three, four, and five, six, seven, eight!

[Bette watches and smiles proudly.]

Choreographer: (dancing) One, two, three, four, right here.

[Kit tries to keep up with the others.]

Choreographer: (dancing) One, five, six, seven eight. (stops) Okay, let's try one more time. Let's get back to formation.

[Slim Daddy and his crew approach Bette. The dance routine starts again, and the choreographer starts to count off again as the group begins to move to the music. Kit tries to keep up, but isn't quite hitting their rhythm.]

Slim: You a fan, or are you just watching?

Bette: (smiling) Oh, hello. I'm - I'm waiting for my sister, Kit Porter.

Slim: Kit's sister?

Bette: Her half-sister.

Slim: Hm. Beautiful half, I'm supposing.

Bette: Mmm, more like the gay half.

Slim: Is that so?

Bette: Mm-hmm.

Slim: Mm. That's sexy. Very sexy.

[Bette laughs. The dancers start to file out of the rehearsal area, past Bette and Slim Daddy.]

Slim: Hey, man, what's the matter with ya'll people, we torturing ya'll or somethin'? 'Cause I got a gang of people that'll love to be in this position that ya'll in. Ya'll need to fix ya'll faces up in here.

[Kit walks up to them. Bette smiles. Slim Daddy puts his arm around Kit.]

Slim: There you go, my girl, you having fun, yet, baby?

Kit: Ah, oh. (chuckles) Yeah. If that's what you wanna call it.

[Bette hugs Kit.]

Kit: (in Bette's shoulder) Ahh, this m*therf*cker's trying to kill me! You know I can't dance unless I drink.

[Slim Daddy stands back and watches the two women embracing each other.]

Slim: Yeah, that's what I like to see. Just like that. (to Kit) You know, me and your sister, we had a little talk. She's a very interesting lady.

Kit: Did she tell you that she was into women?

Slim: Yeah. That's one of the things we have in common. Matter of fact, where your girlfriends at right now?

Bette: We don't usually travel in packs.

Slim: It'd be nice if you have them come by here tomorrow. You know. Bring some excitement to this here video.

Kit: (chuckling) Wait a minute, for me or you?

Slim: sh1t, I figure we could share.

[Smoothie Guy walks up to Slim.]

Smoothie Guy: Yo, Slim, the dancers he brought ain't nothin', man, let me tell you what I got.

[Slim walks off with Smoothie Guy. Bette smiles at Kit.]

Bette: (smiling) He certainly lives up to his reputation.

Kit: Which one?

Bette: He's such a flirt!

Kit: He's a playa! (laughs) And I'm telling you, he plays with everybody.

Bette: Believe me, I didn't think it was because I was special or anything.

Kit: Aw... you are special, you're my sister!

[They leave together.]


[Cherie Jaffe is sitting in the hairdressing chair. Shane stands behind her, tousling her hair to get an idea of how to style it. Cherie's assistant sits a few feet behind them, writing in her planner.]

Cherie: (to assistant) And also, will you call Gwynnie and get three tickets to Coldplay for Clea? But don't tell her, allright? Because I wanna see if she keeps this job. I'm not about to reward her if she quits.

Assistant: Okay.

Cherie: I think that's it. Why don't you go to Neiman's and pick up my Manolos, I think Lonnie's holding them for me.

Assistant: Neiman's?

Cherie: Yes, Neiman's?

Assistant: Okay.

Cherie: Bye.

[The assistant leaves. Shane turns Cherie's chair around and looks her right in the eye.]

Shane: Tell me what you want.

Cherie: I want so many things. But in terms of what you can do for me? I want a change. I want something new.

Shane: (nodding) Excellent.

[Shane turns the chair back around to face the mirror. She messes with Cherie's hair a bit more, checking the length and running her fingers through the sides.]

Shane: Yeah... I know what to do. (a beat) (fingers Cherie's shirt) Just, take this off. (a beat) And there's some smocks in the back.

[Cherie gets up.]


[It's dinner night and Jenny has arrived. Marina lets her into the house.]

Francesca: (voice over) D'ya like it?


[Jenny sits on the couch in the livingroom, holding a champagne glass. Soft music plays in the background. Marina mills around in the kitchen several feet away.]

Jenny: (smiling) Yes.

Francesca: It's Prosecco. (pouring) In northern Italy, they serve it on tap.

Jenny: Thanks.

Francesca: It's lovely, isn't it?

Jenny: (drinking) Mm-hmm.

[Francesca sets the bottle down and kneels next to the CD player.]

Francesca: I like to start with something bubbly. But I find champagne can be too full of expectation. I like to keep things simple.

[Francesca puts another CD in the CD player. Jenny glances over at Marina, in the kitchen. Marina smiles at her.]


[Cherie's in the chair. Her hair is pinned up. Shane is combing through and curling it.]

Cherie: So how did you meet Harry?

Shane: Through a friend.

Cherie: I have to say... when he told me I should come see you, I thought he was full of sh1t.

[They both smile.]

Cherie: As usual. But then Ellie Zimmer walked into the LACMA benefit two weeks ago, and I almost didn't recognize her. I mean, that woman has not looked good in 12 years. There she was, looking stunning.

[Shane chuckles.]

Cherie: You did an amazing job.

Shane: Thank you.

[Cherie sips on a glass of wine.]

Cherie: So, how did you get Harry to fall in love with you?

Shane: (laughing) Well, I didn't sleep with him.

[Cherie smiles and nods.]


[Francesca, Marina and Jenny sit at the dinner table, finishing up their meal.]

Jenny: "The Gift of the Magi" is one of the most perfect stories that's ever been written.

Francesca: Talk about economy of language. If it's a success, then it'll travel to New York, then L.A. And it should, because there was extraordinary people involved.

Marina: (chuckling) Are you referring to yourself?

Francesca: (chuckling) (to Marina) And a few others.

Marina: So says the prima ballerina.

Francesca: She was pretty terrific.

[Jenny looks very withdrawn and uncomfortable.]

Marina: (to Jenny) Francesca, uh, was a big fan of the prima ballerina.

Francesca: I had s*x with her, and now Marina's pretending to be jealous.

[Jenny, more withdrawn and uncomfortable by the second.]

Marina: It's just the way it happened. There's this woman who was getting a costume fitting, and Francesca proceeded to seduce her. (to Francesca) Which I think is a bit unethical.

Jenny: You do?

Francesca: Do you find that hard to believe?

Jenny: Yeah. Ethical isn't really the first word that comes to mind when I think of Marina.

[Marina looks stung.]

Francesca: You sound angry.

Jenny: (picking at food on plate) No.

Francesca: Well, she's beautiful. And that compensates for a multitude of sins. (to Marina) Doesn't it? C'mon! It's a compliment to be the topic of conversation. Isn't that right, Jenny?


[Dance music plays. Cherie's hair is done and she's on the phone with Harry, preparing to leave. Shane puts on some finishing touches.]

Cherie: (phone) (smiling) Harry? You asshole. I'm calling you to say thank you for begging me to go to Shane. (puts phone at Shane's ear) (to Shane) Say hello Harry.

Shane: (phone) Hello, Harry.

Cherie: (phone) (to Harry) Uh-huh! (laughs) No. Oh, she's amazing! She's a genius!

[Cherie kisses Shane on the cheek.]

Cherie: (phone) (walking away) Yeah. First of all, for giving me a great haircut, and second of all, for not sleeping with you! So call me when you get out of your K hole, okay?

[Cherie heads downstairs to pay her bill. Shane leans over the balcony, watching.]

John: Thank you, Mrs. Jaffe.

[Cherie hands something to John.]

Cherie: Give that to Shane?

John: Sure!

Cherie: I love my hair.

John: Gorgeous.

[John walks around the counter to open the shop door to let her out.]

John: After you. See you again.

[Cherie leaves.]

John: Shane?

Shane: What?

John: Mrs. Jaffe left this for you.

Shane: (smiling) Cool.

John: 200 bucks. Nice work. Don't forget to sweep up.

[Shane huffs.]


[Dinner's over. Francesca walks upstairs. Jenny and Marina are in the kitchen, cleaning up. Jenny stands by the dishwasher with some dishes.]

Marina: Don't do that. I want you to know how difficult it's been to get you out of my mind.

Jenny: Why are you saying that?

Marina: Because you're acting like you're the only one with feelings.

Jenny: Well, that's because you act so cold, it's really hard to know that you have any.

Marina: If you're so angry, why did you accept this invitation?

Jenny: Because I wanted to know why someone would work so hard to make someone fall in love with them and they really don't give a f*ck.

Marina: (hurt) Work so hard. Ah, great. That's a great assessment on who I am.

[Marina tries to storm off, but Jenny forcibly grabs her arm and brings her back around.]

Jenny: Well, you tell me who you are!

Marina: You keep asking me that! Obviously you're not paying attention! (a beat) You know what's so sad? (a beat) It's that you don't know how much you mean to me that's -

[Jenny grabs Marina and kisses her. Marina starts to reciprocate when Francesca comes back.]

Francesca: I thought it was a little quiet down here.

[Jenny breaks the kiss and backs away, embarrassed.]

Jenny: Sorry.

Marina: It's okay.

[Francesca, upset, approaches them.]

Francesca: Is it?

[Marina stares at Francesca. Francesca sighs at Jenny.]

Francesca: The thing about Marina is that when she focuses on you, you feel like you're the only one that exists.

[Marina looks down.]

Francesca: It's her gift. I don't blame you for falling in love with her. (to Marina) But maybe you use your gift a little too freely.

[Francesca walks past Marina to a bottle of wine sitting on the kitchen counter.]

Francesca: What's this?

Marina: That's the wine Jenny brought.

[Francesca puts the bottle down and turns to the other counter and gets another bottle.]

Francesca: Guess I'll open this then. (opening bottle) So, Jenny. Tell me about the story you've been writing. The one about the demons. Marina says it's really quite good.

[Marina glares at Francesca; Jenny glares at Marina.]

Francesca: Is it finished?

Jenny: So, this is what the two of you do.

[Francesca uncorks the bottle.]

Jenny: You go and you make these little conquests. And then you go home, and you compare notes.

[Francesca pours herself a glass.]

Jenny: You try to make each other jealous in order to find the other desirable.

Francesca: I wouldn't be so self-righteous. You're not exactly an innocent bystander.

[Marina stares at the floor. Jenny slowly picks up her bottle of wine and leaves. Francesca passes Marina on the way to see Jenny out.]

Francesca: Classy.

[Marina rolls her eyes and sighs.]


[Jenny stands in the livingroom. Francesca brings her her jacket and purse.]

Francesca: I'm sorry the evening turned out like this. But there's something you have to understand. When I go away, Marina can do whatever she wants. As can I. But when I come back, I want my home the way I've left it. I hope that isn't too much to ask.

[Francesca hands Jenny her purse and jacket.]

Jenny: Thank you.

[Jenny leaves. Francesca turns back to look at Marina. Marina is still brooding in the kitchen.]


[Jenny turns around the throws the wine bottle at a window. The bottle shatters against it. Jenny walks away. Marina runs to the window and looks out.]


[Tim sits in this livingroom, watching an old Kung Fu movie on TV. Jenny comes in the back door and heads toward the bathroom with stuff to shower.]

Jenny: Hi.

Tim: Hi.

[Jenny walks to the bathroom.]

Tim: Jen.

Jenny: (stops) Mm-hmm?

Tim: Feel like watching a really bad Kung Fu movie?

[After a moment, Jenny nods.]

Jenny: Yeah.

[Jenny walks around to the couch.]

Tim: It's pretty stupid. Kinda what I'm in the mood for, though.

Jenny: No, stupid is good.

[Jenny sits down, leaving space between herself and Tim.]

[They watch the movie. They look at each other, then look away. Tim tosses the pillow he was holding and raises his arm for Jenny to curl up next to him.]

Tim: C'mere. C'mon.

[Jenny scoots over next to him. He continues to watch the movie. She looks at him, tears in her eys.]

Jenny: (whispering) I love you so much.

[He looks at her. She's about to cry. She lays her head on his chest. Tim puts his face on her hand; she looks up, and they kiss. The kissing gets desperate. Tim picks Jenny up and heads to the bedroom.]


[Tim and Jenny have s*x on the dresser, then the bed. They suddenly stop kissing and stare at each other for several seconds, then resume.]


[Bette and Tina are lying in bed next to each other, staring at the ceiling. They both look a little distant.]

Tina: Are you mad that I made a decision?

[Bette looks at Tina.]

Bette: No. I... I ju - (sighs) I just feel a little left out.

[Bette looks away. Tina looks at Bette and sighs, then looks back up at the ceiling.]

Tina: I, uh... get this feeling from you that you're so proud to be with me.

[Bette rolls over toward Tina and smiles. She puts her hand on Tina's belly. Tina continues to stare up at the ceiling.]

Tina: And it makes me feel really safe... and... loved. It's great.

[Bette smiles warmly at her. Tina doesn't seem happy, though.]

Tina: But lately, I... haven't been feeling it.

[Bette pulls her hand away and rolls onto her back again.]

Tina: So, I've just been, uh... trying to concentrate on myself, and, uh... been trying not to get scared about it.

[After a moment, Bette looks at Tina, nonplussed.]


[Tim and Jenny lay in bed. Jenny is just waking up, but Tim looks to have been awake, thinking.]

Jenny: Hi. Morning.

Tim: Morning.

Jenny: I love being here with you.

[Tim smiles a little. Jenny rubs his hand.]

Jenny: Can I tell you something?

[Tim looks at her.]

Jenny: It's over. Between Marina and me. I went over to her and her girlfriend's house last night. I have never met anybody like that in my life before. It's all about their own egos, and they don't care who they hurt, and they just draw you into this web for some kind of... a sport.

[Tim stares into the distance, looking a little lost and hurt.]

Jenny: I'm not gonna see her ever again. I threw a bottle of wine at their house.

[Tim takes a deep breath, nods to himself, and gets up out of bed.]

Jenny: What are you doing?

Tim: I took a... giant f*cking step backwards.

[Jenny sits up.]

Tim: I don't wanna be back together with you, Jenny. I mean, I - I don't know who you are. I mean, you just... you start talking about Marina and her girlfriend and... how phony and manipulative they are and all I can't think is that's you! That's who you've become. It's like... you've done this thing, and... you can't wash it off.

[Jenny looks stumped.]

Tim: It's in you. (two beats) I... I don't want it in me.

[Jenny's eyes widen a little, hurt. Tim slowly walks off.]

Jenny: (whispering) f*ck you, Tim. I am not apologizing anymore.


[The entrance to the Paramount lot. A guy in a golf cart drives by.]


[The security guards are checking people through the gates. Bette and Tina, with Shane, Alice and Dana in the backseat, pull up. Alice's cell phone starts ringing.]

Shane: Are you gonna answer that?

Alice: No.

Dana: It's Lisa.

Tina: Here. Lemme see it.

Bette: Guys, I need I.D.s.

Dana: Right.

[Everyone starts getting their I.D. out. Tina answers the phone.]

Tina: (phone) Hello? No, she stepped away from the phone for just a minute.

[Bette pulls up to the security booth and stops.]

Tina: (phone) Heh. Okay, wow. Allright, uh, hold on a second. (hands phone to Alice) Okay, here. He says he can hear you breathing.

[A security officer approaches the car.]

Guard: I.D.s?

Alice: (phone) Yes.

Bette: (hands I.D.s) Here you go.

Tina: We're here to see Kit Porter.

[Slim Daddy's limo pulls up behind Bette's car. Muffled rap music can be heard.]

Guard: Okay.

Alice: (phone) I don't know. Let me ask the car. (to everyone) Do you guys feel, subconsciously, maybe we possibly forgot to invite Lisa 'cause he's a little bit different?

Dana: Yes.

Bette/Tina: Dana!

Shane: Give me the phone. (phone) Hey, Leese? Hi, Look. It - it completely slipped our minds. Look, you have to stop being such a lesbian. (listening) No it's not cute. And you are gonna chase the girls away, I promise.

Guard: (to Bette) Sorry. I'm not showing anything here.

Bette: She should have left our names at the gate.

[One of Slim Daddy's entourage, the Smoothie Guy from earlier, gets out of the limo and comes up to the guard shack.]

Smoothie Guy: Yo, is there a problem?

Guard: Sorry, I, uh, don't mean to hold Mr. Daddy, but, uh, I can't let these women on the lot.

Smoothie Guy: Sure you can. They with us. These are Slim Daddy's people.

Guard: All of them.

Smoothie Guy: Well, yeah. (points to Bette) This ones his, uh, business manager.

[Bette smiles and waves.]

Smoothie Guy: (points to Tina) That one over there, that's - that's his accountant.

[Tina smiles and waves.]

Smoothie Guy: (points to Alice) Little Blondie in the back, that's his P.R. lady.

Alice: (mouthing) P.R.

Guard: Hmp.

Smoothie Guy: (points to Dana) And, uh... this one here... this one... she's his white lady.

[Dana frowns.]

Smoothie Guy: (points to Shane) And, uh... this one over here... well... she's just a friend of them. Came along for the ride. (to Guard) So, what you say partner, you cool with that?

Guard: (sighs) Yeah, I'll set them up with some passes.

Smoothie Guy: Allright, then, thanks. (shakes Guard's hand) Appreciate it. Appreciate it.

Alice: Thanks.

Bette: Thank you.

Smoothie Guy: (to Bette) Yo, um. Slim Daddy would like you to discuss some of his business plans with you, if you got a minute.

[Bette looks at Tina. Both raise their brows a little.]

Bette: (to Smoothie Guy) Uh - well, well surely he would want his accountant to be there too?

Smoothie Guy: I don't know about all of that.

Bette: Well, as his business manager I would have to insist.

Smoothie Guy: Allright.


[Slim Daddy is sitting in his limo, listening to hip hop. The door opens, and Smoothie Guy pokes his head in.]

Smoothie Guy: Yo, Slim! I got a little something hooked up for ya.

[Bette and Tina get in. Tina sits next to Slim Daddy. Bette sits across from them.]

Bette: Hey.

Slim: Hey love.

Tina: Hey.

Slim: 'Sup.

[Tina sits next to Slim Daddy. She smiles, really excited. Slim waves for Smoothie Guy to get lost.]

Slim: (to Bette) So who is this?

Bette: This is my partner, Tina.

Tina: Hello.

Slim: What's up, Tina? How you doing?

Tina: I'm good.

Slim: So what ya'll got, a little business relationship or something?

Tina: (smiling) Uh... we're life partners.

Slim: What, ya'll married?

[Bette and Tina smile at each other, blushing a little. Bette grins at Tina and winks. Tina grins and winks back.]

Slim: I see. So you got yourself a little commitment, huh? And what about your sister, you think she'd be interested? Or is she with a chick, too?

Bette: Uh, no, Kit is not gay.

Slim: But I thought you said she was.

Bette: No, I said I was.

[Slim Daddy rolls his eyes and shakes his head.]

Slim: She gonna kill me when she finds out the direction I took with this video.


[Kit and several scantily-clad female dancers in black leather and lace gyrate in front of a green screen as hip hop music plays across a sound system. Kit lip syncs the words and cameras film her from every angle.]

[Bette, Tina, Alice, Dana and Shane watch from the sidelines. Shane sits in a chair. Everyone seems to be enjoying it, except for Bette, who sees her sister looking a little uncomfortable in the getup, with the dancers all over her.]

Bette: sh1t, I feel like I did this.

Tina: No, look, she's having fun.

Bette: She's being mounted.

[Kit continues to dance and lip sync. The dancers start grabbing at her legs, which throws her off balance.]

Director: Let's cut, cut it.

[The music grinds to a halt. The dancers stand up.]

Director: Everybody back to first positions please.

Man: (offscreen) Playback.

Director: Action.

[The music begins again. Kit and the dancers start to groove to the music.]

Alice: I want to do that dance. Wait.

[Alice starts to dance. She moves her hip around in circles, and extends her arm and moves her hand in circles, too. She isn't quite getting it, though.]

Shane: You do not wanna do that dance.

Alice: (dancing) Oh, look. This is hard, Shane. Do you see this?

Dana: That's because it requires a sense of rhythm, Alice, that you don't seem to posses.

Shane: At all.

[Slim Daddy steps in front of them, obscuring their view of Kit and her dancers.]

Slim: (to Alice/Dana) You two married, too?

Alice: Us? (laughs) No.

[Alice puts an arm around Dana's shoulder. Dana chuckles.]

Alice: We're just free-wheelin'.

[Slim Daddy moves over to Shane.]

Slim: (to Alice/Dana, re: Shane) Who's this?

Shane: I'm Shane.

[They stare each other down for a few seconds.]

Shane: (getting up) Uh - I'm sorry. Have a seat.

[Slim Daddy stares at Shane as he sits down.]

Dana: (to Alice, re: Slim and Shane) It's like some weird carnival mirror or something.

Alice: I know.

Director: Lets cut! Cut it.

[The music stops.]

Kit: I can't do this. (walking off stage) I can't - I can't do this.

[Slim Daddy gets up to go talk to her.]

Kit: (to Slim) You know, I love the song and I really want to be in video, but... I just can't be in it like this, you know? Hey, when I stopped drinking, I promised myself I would never make a fool of myself again.

Slim: Look, it's my bad. I put the ladies in the video 'cause I thought this was what you wanted. I thought this was your thing.

Kit: You did that for me? That was sweet. Look, It's not about the girls. It really isn't. It's just that... hey, I ain't 20, and I ain't nobody's hoochie, and I just said to myself, "Why am I putting myself through all this?" You know? If they don't like me and my song, thi - this (holding arms out) is not going to convince them.

[The director approaches Slim Daddy.]

Director: Uh, sorry to interrupt, excuse me, but um... I have to keep shooting. Are you in or not?

Slim: Excuse me, kid. If it wasn't for Kit Porter, wouldn't be none of us here. Wouldn't be no song. Wouldn't be no video for you to shoot. So what you meant to say was, you fixin' to sit yo ass over there and figure out how to get this right, right?

[Slim Daddy steps up. The director backs down. Bette comes over. She and Kit smile at each other. They put their arms around each other and walk off.]


[Shane enters the shop.]

Receptionist: Oh, there's someone here to see you.

[Cherie's assistant is sitting on a chair in the front. She stands.]

Assistant: Hi.

Shane: Hello.

Assistant: Um, Cherie's hosting a benefit this evening for the Woman's Cancer Project and she'd like you to do her hair.

Shane: What, tonight?

Assistant: Yeah, Tonight at 5:00. Can I let her know that you'll be there?

Shane: (a beat) Y - Yeah.

Assistant: Excellent choice. Here's the directions. (hands Shane directions) Thanks.

[Shane takes the sheet of directions. The assistant grabs her planner.]

Assistant: Please be on time, Mrs. Jaffe gets grumpy when she's made to wait.

[The assistant leaves. Shane, impressed, shows the papers to the receptionist, who giggles.]


[Bette walks to the building. Several employees are outside, scratching off various stickers that the religious petition/protest group stuck to the facade of the virtually all-windowed building. Some of the stickers read such things as "ART = FILTH", "WALK THROUGH THESE DOORS TO POLLUTE YOUR MIND. PORNOGRAPHY PEDDLERS", and "The CAC: A receptable for trash." Bette takes off her sunglasses and looks at the stickers, then goes in.]


[Bette enters the reception area of her office. James is there.]

James: Bette.

[James walks after her with a cup of coffee.]

James: Coffee.

[Bette takes the coffee.]

James: So, as far as I've figured out, the people responsible are (looks at a piece of paper) the Coalition for Concerned Citizens. They've kinda all but stood up and said they did it.

[Bette walks into her office and sets her stuff down on her desk.]

James: Um... they've been tracking the show since New York... but they're all ready to get serious here in L.A. because, as they see it, uh...

[James picks up one of the Coalition for Concerned Citizens brochures and quickly reads it.]

James: ... (points to brochure) (reading) "L.A. is the capital of filth and degradation."

Bette: (looking) They sent these?

James: Uh, yeah.

Bette: When did they arrive?

James: Uh, a couple of days ago, I thought it was junk mail.

[Bette looks away and puts her face in her hands.]

Bette: Okay. I just - I - I want you to get me as much information as you can. Just find out who runs the thing and who funds them. I need to find out what we're up against.

James: Right.

Bette: Okay?

James: Runs and funds. Yeah.

[James leaves.]


[A huge, beautiful old-style mansion with lots of trees. The doorbell rings.]


[The housekeeper opens the door. Shane stands on the other side, a small bag with her hair supplies in her hand.]

Housekeeper: Hello, Miss.

Shane: Hi, uh... (stepping inside) I, um... I parked there.

[Shane points to her run-down, old Toyota pickup truck sitting in the circular driveway a few feet away.]

Shane: Is that okay?

Housekeeper: Yes.

Shane: Okay.

[The housekeeper closes the door.]

Housekeeper: The Mrs., (pointing) she wait for you upstairs.

[Shane looks towards the upstairs, a little wowed by the beautiful house. Cherie Jaffe is upstairs. She comes up in a robe, carrying a glass of wine, and stands at the top of the stairs and smiles at Shane.]

Shane: Okay.

[Shane clomps up the stairs, her boots heavy on the polished wooden floors.]

Cherie: Hello.

Shane: Hi.

[Cherie heads back into the hallway. Shane follows.]


[Cherie opens the door to a large dressing room outside her bathroom. Shane follows, closing the door behind her. Cherie sits at a large mirror. Shane sets her bag down and stands behind Cherie.]

Shane: Okay. So should I, um... should I do what I did last time?

[Cherie looks at Shane in the mirror.]

Cherie: I was hoping for a little more.

Shane: Oh, well... what kinda more?

Cherie: Lots more.

[Cherie turns around and starts to unbutton Shane's shirt at the waist.]

Shane: Oh.

[Cherie kisses Shane's stomach.]

Shane: Oh, I see.

[Shane takes Cherie's face in her hands and kisses her. They kiss passionately. Cherie stands up and takes off her robe; she's wearing black lacey things underneath. They continue to kiss.]


[Alice and Lisa sit at a table together. Lisa pushes a tall glass of a pale green concoction towards Alice.]

Lisa: It's good for you. You're constantly complaining about feeling sluggish.

Alice: Not constantly.

Lisa: Pretty close. And lately I feel like you bring that fatigue into the bedroom. I mean, I make love to you and then when it's my turn, you're too tired, and I dont want to make you, but... I end up not having an orgasm and it's frustrating.

Alice: So you're pumping me full of spirulina so you can come?

Lisa: No, God. I'm just saying that you don't eat that well. And if you would just cut out the red meat it might help.

[Dana enters and heads to a table nearby, where Andrew, the guy her mother wanted her to date, is sitting.]

[Alice and Lisa watch. Alice gets up.]

Alice: Allright. I'll be back in a minute.


[Dana shakes hands with Andrew.]

Dana: Hi. I'm Dana. Fairbanks.

Andrew: Andrew. Sit Down.

Dana: Andrew. Thanks.


[Alice walks over to the table behind Dana and Andrew's table. She sits, halfway facing them, so she can hear.]

Andrew: (offscreen) So.

Dana: (offscreen) So! (giggles)


Andrew: I, uh... talked to your mom on the phone.

Dana: (chuckling) Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Andrew: She, uh... she said you're a tennis player.

Dana: (smiling) Oh, yeah! Yeah. It's fun! You know. It's, uh, it's fun. It's h - it's hard work, though.

Andrew: Well, It shows. You have a really beautiful body.

Dana: (uncomfortable smile) Yeah. Okay.

Andrew: You know, I don't understand why you need to be set up. When your mother showed me your picture I was, like -

Dana: Was it a Subaru ad by any chance?

Andrew: Oh, you did a Subaru ad?

Dana: Yeah. The slogan was "Get out and stay out."

Andrew: Oh, is that like an outdoorsy kind of...

Dana: Gay thing? Yeah. Look, um...

[Dana takes a deep breath.]

Dana: That's me okay? I'm... I'm a lesbian.

[Dana looks a little green around the gills. Andrew smiles.]

Dana: Don't look at me like that, okay, I don't want to have s*x with you and another woman, okay. I'd just - I would want to have s*x with the woman, allright. I'm that gay.

[Andrew nods.]

Dana: I'm sorry you had to... come all the way out here and... do this.

Andrew: It's okay.

Dana: (relieved) Great! (relieved sigh) That's great! Well, gosh, allright then! (getting up) Well, it was great meeting you!

[They shake hands.]

Andrew: It was good to meet you.

Dana: Take Care!

[Dana walks over to Alice. Alice stands up. They slap hands.]

Alice: Way to go.

Dana: Score.

[Dana heads for Lisa's table. Alice walks over to Andrew.]

Alice: (to Andrew) Hi. (chuckles) Alice. (holds hand out) Nice to meet you.

Andrew: (shaking hand) Andrew.

Alice: You handled that really well.


[Dana sits down.]

Dana: Hey!

Lisa: How did it go?

Dana: I feel great!


[Alice sits down.]

Andrew: Well, It all happened so fast I, uh, couldn't think of anything else.

Alice: So, Andrew. You're straight? Or...

Andrew: (a beat) Uh, yes?

Alice: Completely? No... shades of grey or anything?

Andrew: Uh, none.

Alice: Wow. Fascinating. (chuckles) So, you have no... sexual ambiguity, no... variation on your orientation or...


[Dana and Lisa watch Alice flirting with Andrew.]

Lisa: Is she... flirting with him?


Alice: You're not hiding a v*g1n* in there?

[Alice and Andrew chuckle.]

Alice: (chuckling) One testicle?


Dana: Yeah.

[Lisa watches Alice and Andrew.]

Dana: I just told my first straight guy that I was gay and not even to bother trying!

Lisa: Good for you. Congratulations.

[Lisa turns back to watch Alice and Andrew.]


[Shane and Cherie are on the floor, half-naked, sweaty, having s*x.]

Cherie: Mm! (kisses) You're f*cking (kisses) amazing. Mm! (kisses) I can't wait to tell Harry! (kisses) He's gonna be so jealous. Mm. (kisses)

[They continue to kiss. The sound of the front door opening and closing is heard.]

Steve: (muffled, offscreen) Cherie?

[Cherie breaks the kiss and freaks out.]

Cherie: Oh, my God! It's Steve!

Steve: (muffled, offscreen) Cherie!

Shane: Oh f*ck.

[Shane quickly starts grabbing various clothing items scattered all around. Cherie grabs a piece of clothing and shoves it at Shane.]

Cherie: Jesus, f*ck. Here take it! sh1t!

Shane: f*ck. You have everything?

[Cherie pulls up her underwear. Shane gathers up her boots and shirt.]

Cherie: Yeah.

Shane: You're good?

Cherie: I got it.

[Shane gets up and stumbles into the bathroom so fast she falls over. Cherie throws a stray boot in the bathroom just as Shane shuts the door. Cherie stands up just as Steve enters the room. She jumps, trying to put her robe on.]

Steve: Hello?

Cherie: Honey! You're always interrupting me when I'm not ready yet.

Steve: (walking in) Well, I thought you'd be dressed by now.

Cherie: I'm just getting my hair done.

Steve: Oh.

[Steve walks closer to her as she puts her robe on. He looks at her hair. It's still tousled from being on the floor with Shane.]

Steve: Looks good.

Cherie: It's the... (musses with hair) (smiling) just-fucked look.

Steve: Yeah? Well, it works for me.

[Cherie smiles and kisses Steve. Shane opens the bathroom door and comes out, dressed again.]

Shane: Hi.

Steve: Ah. You must be Shane.

[Steve approaches and extends a hand for a handshake. Shane quickly holds up her hands.]

Shane: My hands are wet.

Steve: (chuckling) That's okay.

[Shane grabs her bag.]