01x13 - Limb From Limb Up


[title card: Los Angeles, California, Three Days Ago]

[Bette pulls into a parking spot and parks her car. She gets her things and steps out of the car. When she closes the door, she sees Candace pull into the garage in her old El Camino. Bette watches as she parks. The first few strains of "Roads" by Portishead plays, setting the mood of the episode to come.]

[Candace gets her things together and is getting out of the car when Bette suddenly gets in on the passenger side. Bette stares straight ahead for several seconds, her expression that of someone stuck in an internal war with themselves.]

Bette: Take me somewhere.

[Candace looks at her with concern, but Bette stares straight ahead, not returning the gaze. Finally, Candace starts her car and they drive off.]

[main titles]


["Roads" by Portishead plays. Jenny and Robin are in bed, naked, lying close to one another. They talk quietly, in intimate whispers.]

Robin: So when do I see you again?

Jenny: What are you doing on Thursday night? (a beat) My neighbor, Bette... she's having a thingamajiggy.

[Robin giggles.]

Jenny: (smiling) What?

Robin: (groans) I have something on Thursday.

Jenny: Really?

Robin: Yeah.

Jenny: f*ck.

Robin: If she asked me today, I would say no.

Jenny: Mm-hmm.

Robin: I would.

Jenny: You would?

Robin: (smiling) Yes.

Jenny: I have a date tonight.

Robin: Oh, you do?

Jenny: I do.

Robin: (smiling) Huh.

Jenny: What?

Robin: (smiling) I'm a little jealous.

Jenny: You are? That's good.

Robin: (thoughtful) Yeah, it is.

[Jenny kisses Robin tenderly. They begin to make love.]

Robin: Oh, god...

[Robin kisses Jenny.]


[At the same time, Tim walks toward the garage with a newspaper in his hand. He's about to knock on the door, when he looks in the window and sees Robin and Jenny having s*x on the bed. Tim is shocked and stunned. He sets the newspaper down and steadies himself against the wall as he slowly walks away.]


["Roads" by Portishead still plays. Bette and Candace walk across the the grounds of a bed and breakfast inn, toward the entrance.]


[Bette and Candace walk to the front desk. Bette takes her credit card out of her wallet and is about to give it to the desk clerk when Candace puts a hand on her arm.]

Candace: Stop.

[Candace leans close to Bette's ear.]

Candace: You don't want this showing up on your credit card statement.

[Candace takes out her own credit card and hands it to the clerk. Bette puts her credit card back in her wallet.]

[Moments later...]

[Candace walks ahead of Bette, up the stairs to their room. Bette takes Candace's hand halfway up. When they reach the landing, Bette pulls Candace back to her and they begin passionately kissing. A heterosexual couple comes out of their room and sees them, and they whisper and walk by quickly. Bette and Candace don't seem to notice or care.]

[Moments later...]

[They make it to their room door. Candace pushes Bette against the door. Their kissing has grown frantic and desperate. Bette opens her blouse and puts Candace's hand inside, on her breast. They open the door and go inside, never breaking contact.]


[They close the door. Bette pushes Candace against the door and they continue to kiss. Bette unclasps Candace's overalls and begins to kiss down her body, but Candace pulls her back up and kisses her. Candace walks her over to the bed and throws throws her down; Bette smiles.] [Candace climbs on top of Bette and straddles her. They begin to kiss again. Bette runs her hands over Candace's body. Candace takes Bette's arms and pins them above her head. Bette struggles playfully, trying to get free and kiss Candace, but Candace won't let go. Bette finally stops.]

Candace: You can't always be in control.

[Bette laughs. Candace holds Bette's arms with one hand and kisses down Bette's body. With her free hand, she unzips Bette's pants and slips inside. Bette moans. They begin to have s*x.]


Tina: We need a plumber!

[Oscar sits on the floor next to Tina, holding a wrench. Tina's on her back under the sink, trying to repair it.]

Oscar: We're gonna need a carpenter, too, if we're gonna make this place presentable.

[Oscar throws a wrench on the floor. Tina sits up from under the sink.]

Tina: I know one. She's working for Bette at the C.A.C. Her name's Candace. And she is making a packet, too.

Oscar: Well, then maybe she'll give us a break.

Tina: Yeah?

Oscar: Yeah, call her.

Tina: Okay.

[Tina leans over and pulls her cell phone out of her back pocket. She dials.]

Tina: (phone) James. Hey. It's Tina. Is, uh, is Bette there? (listening) Oh, no, no, no, no, just, uh, have her call me when she gets in. Um... do you happen to have a number for Candace Jewell? Yeah? Good.

[Oscar smiles. Tina grins at him.]


[This is the old warehouse Cherie brought Shane to a couple of episodes ago. At the time, Cherie warned Shane not to tell Steve she'd brought her there. Now, the sign painted on the glass says "Shane" in black letters against gold. Shane is standing in front of the glass, admiring the sign. Behind her, Steve parks on the curb and gets out. He walks over to her.]

Shane: Hey!

Steve: Hi. (walks over) So what do you think?

Shane: (chuckling) I think it's awesome. I love it.

Steve: So why the f*ck did you do it?

[Steve takes off his glasses and glares at Shane. Shane looks caught.]

Shane: Steve -

Steve: You know, when you're in business with someone, you gotta learn to keep it in your pants when you're around their family. Now, I already knew my daughter was into girls; that's not news to me. Maybe she was experimenting. Maybe it's a phase. Bottom line is this -

Shane: Steve, I didn't -

Steve: Bottom line... is this. If I'm in business with a guy, and he goes for my daughter, I say, "Is he honest? Is he a good man? Will he treat her right?"

Shane: Steve, I didn't sleep with your daughter -

Steve: Don't bullshit me, Shane. 'Cause I'm already cuttin' you a whole shitload of slack, here. Now, one thing, I gotta warn you. Cherie's on the warpath. She'll calm down for sure, but right about now, she wants you drawn and quartered.

[Shane looks around, distressed.]

Steve: She doesn't like our kid being gay, you know? No matter how evolved we are, it's still not an easy -

[Shane suddenly walks off and heads to her truck, on the curb a few feet away.]

Steve: Look, Shane. Sh - Shane! What the f*ck!


[Shane's at the front gate in her truck, but the gate is closed. She jams her finger on the intercom button.]

Shane: Cherie, will you open the gate. Listen, I know you're in there and I'm not leaving 'til you come outside. (presses button) Open the gate!

[The gate starts to open. Someone in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt runs down the driveway. It's Clea. Shane frowns. Clea gets in the passenger side of the truck. Once they start talking, they start yelling, and once they start yelling, they yell over each other, and it becomes a shouting match.]

Clea: Hi. Look, I just wanted to let you know my parents are really mad right now, but -

Shane: Clea, get out of my car, man. (shakes head)

Clea: Look, I don't understand. The reality of you and me I think is just freaking them out -

Shane: Clea, Clea, Clea, Clea, Clea! -

Clea: What?

Shane: There is no reality of you and me!

Clea: Oh, my god, Shane.

Shane: There never was, I've told you that I love someone else!

Clea: Agh! You know what, I have never seen you with this person! Who is this person? -

Shane: Because it's complicated! You will never see her! -

Clea: I love you, okay! She doesn't! There's no way she's gonna drop everything and be with you, Shane!

[Exasperated, Shane starts the truck and drives up the driveway.]


[Shane walks quickly to the back door of the house, past the pool, toward the kitchen. Cherie is yelling at someone offscreen, inside.]

Cherie: (to unknown) I need organization, this is not organization! Do you understand what I'm saying, do you see what's wrong?!

Shane: Cherie. Cherie! (entering) Cherie!

Cherie: (to unknown) You'll both stay in there until you figure it out! (slams door) Kids.

[Cherie turns around and sees Shane standing in her kitchen.]

Cherie: Get out.

Shane: (shaking head) No.

Cherie: Get out. (walking toward Shane) Get out. I'm taking Clea to Paris and I want you out of here, I never want to see you!

[Shane walks toward Cherie, but Cherie responds by hitting her several times. Shane holds her arms up in self-defense.]

Shane: Listen to me!

Cherie: Again! Ever!

Shane: Listen to me!

[Shane grabs Cherie and yells at the top of her lungs.]

Shane: (yelling) Listen! Listen to me! I did not do anything!

[Cherie starts to cry.]

Shane: (yelling) Allright, she's lying, I swear to go I didn't do it!

[Cherie continues to cry. Shane calms down and her voice quivers with raw emotion as she begins to cry.]

Shane: I would never do that to you. (crying) Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?

[Clea, outside, walks toward the back door. Through the windows, she sees Shane and her mother. Inside, Cherie wraps Shane in a desperate hug as Shane falls apart.]

Shane: (hugging) (crying) I swear I would never.

[Cherie looks over Shane's shoulder and sees her daughter watching them. Cherie ends the hug.]

Clea: You f*cking bitch!

[Clea turns and walks off.]

Cherie: Oh, my god!

[Cherie runs after her.]

Cherie: Clea! Clea!

[Shane puts a hand to her forehead as she watches Cherie chase Clea.]


[Jenny is watering her plants. Tim comes out of his house and knocks on the door and lets himself in.]

Jenny: Hi.

Tim: Am I interrupting?

Jenny: No, come on in.

[Tim walks in and stands a few feet away. He picks up a card sitting on the desk and nervously flips it over in his hands.]

Jenny: How are you?

Tim: I'm good, how are you?

Jenny: I'm good. (smiling) I'm getting organized.

Tim: Yeah?

Jenny: Yep.

[Jenny looks at Tim. He looks like he's got something on his mind.]

Jenny: What?

Tim: (sighs) There's something that I want to talk to you about.

Jenny: Okay.

Tim: Jenny, technically, you and I are still married.

[Jenny nods.]

Tim: We need to get a divorce.

Jenny: (nodding) Of course we do.

Tim: Found the name of a good lawyer on campus. Thought maybe... we could go. See him, together.

Jenny: Okay. (nods)

[After a moment, Tim slowly walks out of the garage.]


[Dana is sitting on the couch, bawling her eyes out. Tonya opens the door and steps in.]

Tonya: Sweetie? Alice is here.

[Alice walks in the door, pushing past Tonya.]

Alice: Can I just...? Thanks. (walking over) Hi, Dane. Ohhh. Poor Mr. Piddles.

[Sobbing, Dana looks up at Alice as Alice sits down next to her. Alice pets Mr. Piddles, who's in her arms.]

Alice: Okay, okay. Ohh. I'm so, so sorry.

[Alice rubs Dana's back. Tonya steps forward.]

Tonya: She's been like this all day. I tried to get somebody to come and remove it, but... she's been sitting there for, like, 3 hours.

[Alice pushes the hair from Dana's eyes. Dana continues to cry.]

Alice: (quietly) Okay. I know. Allright, we've gotta make arrangements, right Dane? I mean... I'll do anything, right? I'll do anything. What do you need?

[The camera zooms out so that we now see that Mr. Piddles is in Dana's lap and Dana is petting him as she cries. Tonya quietly exits the room.]

Alice: (to Dana) Have you thought about what you want?

Dana: (crying) I don't want him cremated.

Alice: Okay. Yeah. We'll bury him, you want to bury him?

[Dana nods.]

Alice: You want me to arrange a burial plot?

Dana: (sniffling) Yeah.

Alice: He should have a casket. You know. Mahogany. Only the best for Mr. P.


[Bette is leaning over her desk, going over some drawings and plans for the artist displays with James and the receptionist.]

Bette: You know what, I think we should move the VIP reception to East One. The Anish Kapur is in there. It's always good to imbue your major donors with a sense of awe.

James: But, the Isabella Pernao's there, too. Don't you think -

Bette: I think it says right out of the gate, we stand behind the show, every facet of it, and we're not about to hide the more challenging pieces for anybody's comfort. (to receptionist) You know, I - I still need to discuss security. Can you make sure that Gavin doesn't leave before I've had a chance to talk with him?

Receptionist: Mm-hmm.

[The receptionist walks off.]

Bette: Thanks.

James: I'll let the caterers know about that.

Bette: Great.

[James leaves. Bette looks back at the plans and nervously fiddles with her wedding band. Kit and Ivan come around the corner. Ivan is carrying a large sack of carry-out food for lunch.]

Kit: Hey big James! (to Bette) Hola, sistah!

Bette: Hey.

[Bette and Kit hug.]

Kit: Mm! Remember you said how important it was to eat?

Bette: Mm-hmm.

Kit: Well, we picked up a little something at that woo-woo place on La Cienega that you love so much.

Bette: Ohh! (smiling) You guys went to Real Food Daily. That is so sweet.

Kit: Yeah! Well, Ivan picked it up while I was at my AA meeting.

Bette: Oh. (to Ivan) Thank you.


[Tina brings Candace into the room where she was working on the sink earlier.]

Tina: Thank you so much for coming.

[Candace leans against the wall and shoves her hands in her pockets. She's nervous.]

Tina: Um. I guess you know what I wanna talk about.

Candace: (shaking head) No. I - I'm not sure.

Tina: (looking around) Well, as you can see, we're trying to fix this place up. (sighs) And, uh, we need help. We don't have a lot of money. But, it's a really great project and, uh, the kids, they just - they love it here.

Candace: Uh - yeah! Anything for the kids.


Bette: Can I talk to you for a second?

[Bette guides Kit back to a more private part of her office. Kit has the now empty carry-out sack in her hand.]

Bette: Wanna tell me what you're doing?

Kit: I was taking out the trash.

Bette: No, with her. She's madly in love with you, you know.

Kit: (smiling) No he's not, we're friends, he helps me out with stuff.

Bette: That's because she is in love with you, and she wants to be your husband.

Kit: (smiling) No, it's not like that.

Bette: Kit - believe me. You may not be able to read the signals, but they're there. I saw the way she looks at you, she is fully courting you old school, and you're letting her.

Kit: (laughing) Oh, is that so!

Bette: Yeah. It is.

Kit: Well, thank you for the lessons of the ritual mating habits of the indigenous lesbians. Maybe next week we'll do butch and femme role-play -

Ivan: Um, ladies.

[Ivan is leaning in the door several feet away. Bette and Kit turn to see her.]

Ivan: (to Bette) I figure we should get going, and let you get on with your business. You must wanna get home to the little woman sometime tonight.

[Bette looks smugly at Kit. Kit walks over to Ivan. She slips her arm into Ivan's and walks away, smiling at Bette. Bette shakes her head and rolls her eyes.]


[Jenny stands in front of the aquarium, watching the various sea critters swim by: sharks, tuna, rays. High-pitched whale-talk is heard.]

Jenny: Gosh, Gene.

[Gene walks into the frame and stands next to Jenny.]

Jenny: This is so much better than dinner and a movie. Is this how you get all the girls?

Gene: Truth?

Jenny: Yes, please.

Gene: I don't really date that much. (shrugs)

Jenny: Why?

Gene: Um... uh, I was with the same woman for the last 5 years, and... and she never really came here, and... she hated the fish. So.

Jenny: Oh. (laughs)

Gene: You know. We weren't exactly the greatest match.

Jenny: What else?

Gene: Um... well, she liked to exercise early, early in the morning, and...

Jenny: No.

Gene: ... I hate exercise and I hate mornings, so, uh... (chuckles) Mm. I did my thesis on nocturnal behavior. I never really broke the habit of staying up late.

Jenny: What do you like to do in the middle of the night?

Gene: Usually I read.

[Gene steps a little closer.]

Jenny: Hm.

Gene: And, uh... she wasn't Jewish.

Jenny: Oh, Gene. Is that important to you? (chuckles)

Gene: No. No, it's not important. It's, uh...

[Gene puts his forehead to Jenny's.]

Gene: It's just an added bonus.

[Jenny looks up at him. He starts to lean in to kiss her.]

Gene: Hey.

[Gene and Jenny kiss.]

Gene: Was that okay?

[Gene wipes his mouth. Jenny wipes her mouth. She giggles.]

Jenny: (smiling) It's nice.

Gene: Oh, "nice"? Are you serious?

Jenny: (smiling) No, it was nice.

Gene: That's damning with faint praise.

[Jenny blushes.]

Gene: You wanna go meet the seals?

Jenny: (smiling) I meant it, it was nice.

Gene: Hm?

Jenny: Yes.

Gene: The seals might change your mind.

Jenny: About whether or not you're a good kisser.

Gene: No. About your story. They're way better communicators than manatees. They even have dialects. I think you'll love them.

Jenny: Okay.

Gene: C'mon.

Jenny: Okay.

Gene: Hm?


[Gene opens the door. Jenny walks in. He follows, closing the door behind him. He keeps the room lights off.]

[One entire wall of the office is a giant window into the aquarium. Whale-song is heard.]

Jenny: Wow.

Gene: This is where I spend my days.

Jenny: Gosh.

[Jenny walks up to the aquarium window and talks to the seals, who are swimming by.]

Jenny: Hello.

Gene: Yeah, the seals have this amazingly intricate system of communication that lets them settle quarrels without fighting.

[Jenny faces Gene as he walks over to her. A seal swims by the window, turning over in circles.]

Gene: It's pretty incredible.

Jenny: C'mere.

[The seal makes its characteristic barking noises before swimming away.]

Gene: We should be so lucky.

[Jenny takes Gene's hand and pulls him to her.]

Jenny: It's very civilized.

[Jenny unbuckles Gene's belt.]

Gene: Um, you - whoa, hey. You know you don't have to do this.

Jenny: I want to.

Gene: (laughing) Um. If I'd know you wan -

[Jenny kisses him.]

Gene: (kissing) Are - are you sure?

Jenny: (kissing) Mm-hmm.

[Gene presses Jenny against the glass and they start to have s*x. After a couple of minutes, Jenny starts to cry. Gene stops.]

Gene: Are you okay?

Jenny: I'm fine. I'm fine.

Gene: I'm sorry. Did - did I do something?

Jenny: No, no. I'm fine.

Gene: I don't think you're fine. You're crying.

Jenny: Um.

Gene: I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?

Jenny: No. Um.

Gene: Uh... you okay?

[Jenny looks up at him.]

Jenny: I... I... um...

[Jenny starts to really cry. Gene puts his arms around her and tries to comfort her.]

Gene: Shh, shh. Oh. Oh, Jenny.


[The Planet is closed for the funeral of Mr. Piddles. Marina has converted The Planet into a funeral parlor, complete with somber ethereal piano music and dimmed lighting. Alice and Tina, dressed black, stand over a tiny, open coffin in the corner of the room. Inside is Mr. Piddles.]

Tina: He looks a little strange.

[Mr. Piddles lays in the coffin.]

Alice: Yeah. I think he... hasn't really thawed out, yet. We were afraid he was gonna decompose, so Shane and I put him in the freezer.

Tina: How is Shane? She seems preoccupied.

[Alice and Tina glance over at Shane, who sits on a barstool in a separate section of the cafe. She's on her cell phone, talking to someone.]

Alice: Yeah, yeah. I don't know. She's not talkin'. But - I think it has something to do with her and her Hollywood Wife?

Shane: (overheard) (phone) Answer the phone. I'm not gonna stop calling until you do, allright? Answer your phone.

[Shane hangs up and rubs her forehead.]

[Back at the funeral parlor...]

[Kit and Ivan have arrived. Kit hugs Dana.]

Kit: Oh, I'm so sorry about Mr. P. I know how much he meant to you. I'm so glad I got to know him before he passed on.

Dana: Thanks for taking such good care of him, Kit.

Kit: Oh.

[Kit touches Dana's face and smiles. They hug again. Ivan looks at Tonya, who stands at Dana's side.]

Ivan: (to Tonya) I didn't know him. My condolences.

Kit: (to Dana) I'm sorry, hon.

[Ivan extends her hand to Tonya for a shake. Tonya stares at her, stone-faced.]

Ivan: Ivan.

[After a moment, Tonya gives in and shakes Ivan's hand. Once the handshake is over, Ivan rejoins Kit, and Tonya holds her hand away from herself as if it's been soiled.]

Kit: (to Dana) You heal.

[Kit and Ivan step up to the coffin and view the kitty. Bette arrives. She walks to Dana.]

Bette: Hi.

Dana: Hi.

[Bette hugs Dana.]

Bette: I am so sorry.

[While they hug, Tonya comes over and hugs Dana also, just until the hug with Bette ends. Bette hands Dana a large, flat package.]

Bette: This was gonna be your Christmas present. I want you to unwrap it.

[Dana unwraps the present. It's a large, modern art painting of a cat that looks just like Mr. Piddles.]

Bette: It's by one of my favorite artists, Ed Conlin.

[Dana nearly begins to cry again as she looks at the painting. She looks at Bette.]

Dana: (tearful) Thank you.

[Dana hugs Bette.]

Bette: You're welcome.

[Everyone else - Tina, Shane, Alice, Marina, Kit and Ivan - stands a few feet away at the refreshments table.]

Alice: What is with the twin thing? Are they merging already?

[Dana and Tonya are dressed exactly alike, in a dark suit and light blue blouse.]

Dana: (whispering) Here, would you take this for me?

[Dana hands the painting to Tonya.]

Tonya: Yeah.

Dana: (whispering) Thanks.

[Bette walks over to the table.]

Bette: (to Tina) (sighs) Hi baby.

[Bette gives Tina a smooch.]

Tina: How was your day?

[Bette kind of shrugs, then turns around.]

Alice: You guys.

Marina: Tonya!

[Tonya quickly walks over to the table. Marina hands her two glasses of wine. Tonya carries them back to Dana.]

Marina: I would like to propose a toast, um, to Mr. Piddles.

[Everybody raises their glass and turns to face Mr. Piddles' coffin.]

Bette: (smiling) To Mr. P, kitty, well-loved furry feline, we will miss you.

Everyone: Yeah.

Alice: To Mr. P!

[Everyone clinks glasses and drinks. Dana gulps her wine down and exhales.]

Dana: (to Tonya) I should say something, right?

[Tonya smiles at her. Dana steps up onto the dais in front of Mr. Piddles' coffin.]

Dana: (sighs) (a beat) (chuckling) Everybody. I just wanted to say... to say thank you... (getting teary) so much for coming, and um... (sighs) You guys are the best friends anybody could ever have. It's times like these when you realize what's important. And those are the people who are there for you. The ones who got you through, and... and the ones you can't live without.

[Everybody's listening to Dana's speech. Alice is sweetly smiling.]

Dana: And, um, I've also realized how important Tonya is to me.

[Dana holds her hand out. Tonya takes it and steps onto the stage next to Dana.]

Dana: (to Tonya) C'mere. (to everybody) And, uh... (smiling) She, more than anyone, has really helped me get through this really terrible time, and...

[Alice rolls her eyes as she takes a drink of her wine, then looks down at the floor.]

Dana: ... I just - I just wanted you all to be the first to know. (blushing) (to Tonya) Just show 'em. Show 'em.

[Tonya giggles as she holds out her left hand. On her ring finger is a huge ring. Dana holds Tonya's hand.]

Dana: (excited) Tonya and I are engaged! We're getting married!

[Dana grins huge. Tonya opens her mouth, showing mock surprise and excitement to the group. Shane looks like someone just ran over her favorite dog. Alice looks quietly stunned. Marina looks surprised.]

Alice: No way.

Shane: sh1t...

Tina: (mouthing the word) Wow.

[Bette and Tina both look at each other with a little bit of shock and worry.]

Dana: I'm just - you know it's... it's just a shame that Mr. P can't be here to share this with us. I'm sure he'd be filled with joy like me!

[Dana and Tonya touch foreheads. Everybody else kind of looks around, confused.]


[Tina quickly walks into the bedroom, holding a coffee cup. She looks mad. Bette is hot on her heels.]

Bette: It's a conflict of interest! It's not fair to the C.A.C., and it's not fair to Candace!

[Tina sets her coffee cup down on the nightstand and walks to the other side of the room to get something.]

Tina: I'm sorry. I didn't think it was gonna be such a big deal for you. I don't know why you're freaking out about it.

Bette: 'Cause you're exploiting her! She doesn't make that much money, and she might've just felt she had to do it 'cause of me!

[Tina sits on the edge of the bed, facing away from Bette, and takes off her shoes.]

Tina: She seemed happy to do it!

Bette: (a beat) She said yes.

[Tina turns to give Bette an incredulous look.]

Tina: Yes.

[Tina turns back around. Bette is annoyed. She sighs and walks out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.]

Bette: Selfish.

[Tina turns and throws a shoe at the door.]


[Shane is sleeping in her truck, outside the gates to the Jaffe house. A police cruiser pulls up. The cop gets out and walks to the truck. He knocks twice on the window. Shane startles awake. The cop signals to her to roll down her window. She does.]

Cop: I'm gonna have to ask you to move on out of here.

Shane: (yawns) Listen, I'm - I'm waiting for someone.

Cop: (chuckling) Oh. Well, you're gonna have to wait somewhere else.

Shane: (sighs) Listen, they're expecting me, allright. They're gonna be out in a minute -

Cop: No, they won't. And if you don't get yourself far enough away from their house, you're gonna be in violation of the restraining order they filed against you.

[Shane looks up at the cop. He smiles down at her.]

Cop: Understand what I'm saying?

Shane: (a beat) Yeah. (a beat) Yeah. Fine.

[Shane starts her truck. The cop heads back to his cruiser.]


[Bette is asleep on the couch in the livingroom, still in her work clothes from yesterday. The sound of plates and silverware banging against each other is heard from the kitchen. Bette startles awake.]

Bette: (groggy) sh1t...

[Tina is seen in the kitchen, putting dishes in the sink. She makes a lot of noise. Bette rolls over on the couch and sighs. Tina walks quickly toward the dining room, and picks up her bag and car keys. She heads for the front door. Bette sits up.]

Bette: Tina...

[Tina stops. She turns around. Bette looks hurt and very sorry. She also looks like she's been crying.]

Bette: I'm sorry. I... I overreacted.

[Tina looks down, then nods.]

Tina: Okay.

Bette: (tearful) And, I mean, I don't have to tell you how stressed out I am. I mean, and... I know that doesn't excuse my behavior. But I think - I - it would've been a nice... thing if you had told me... that - that you had - were talking to someone that I'm working with.

Tina: Can we talk about this later? I'm meeting Oscar and Esai.

Bette: Can you accept my apology?

Tina: (a beat) I accept your apology.

[Bette smiles a little.]

Tina: I'm sorry I didn't think... to warn you. We've been a little out of touch.

Bette: It'll be over soon, as soon as the show opens -

Tina: Sure. I'll call you later. Whenever I get a minute.

[Tina leaves. Bette closes her eyes and puts a hand to her forehead, shaking her head.]

Bette: (sighs) (whispering) Oh, my god. What have I done? What the f*ck am I doing? What am I doing?


[Outside, we hear Tina's car starting and pulling away. Inside, Jenny is asleep on her bed. She starts to stir awake. Gene is reclining against the window, at the foot of the bed, watching her sleep.]

Jenny: (smiling) Hi.

Gene: (smiling) Hey.

Jenny: (smiling) You're still here.

Gene: I wanted to make sure you're okay.

Jenny: I'm sorry about last night. You must've thought I was a crazy person.

Gene: No. You just seemed, um... really sad. At least I have some idea of... what's going on. You know... it's pretty intense.

Jenny: My life...

Gene: So, am I, like, the first guy you tried to be with since... you fell in love with that woman, and... your marriage fell apart, and... she dropped you like a hot potato?

Jenny: Yeah. You're the first guy since Tim.

Gene: (frowning) Maybe you don't wanna be with guys.

Jenny: (two beats) No... no, I... I still like guys. I do.

[Jenny sits up and looks at him.]

Jenny: I understand if you don't wanna see me again.

[Gene sits up and looks at her.]

Gene: Do you wanna see me again?

[Jenny leans over to him and kisses him on the cheek. She grins bashfully as she sits back down.]

Jenny: (whispering) I like you.

Gene: (smiling) I like you, too.

[Jenny blushes and giggles.]


[Ivan and Kit are sitting at a table together. Ivan pours Kit some coffee.]

Ivan: I hope, uh, this is what you wanted. I just took the liberty of ordering for you, so...

Kit: (chuckling) You know, you... always... know what, uh, I'm gonna get. Even before I know it. (chuckling) I'm gettin' spoiled!

[Ivan puts her hand on Kit's, across the table.]

Ivan: (chuckling) Nothing - nothing could spoil you. (shaking head) Nothing.

[Kit smiles, but something doesn't feel right.]

Kit: Ivan, uh... I adore you. I really do. And you are the finest person I've ever had the privilege of spending time with. (shaking head) But this - it just doesn't feel right.

Ivan: Uh.. what doesn't feel right about it?

Kit: I - I just don't... have anything to offer you in return.

Ivan: (smiling) Oh, no. You - you - you offer me so much. You can't imagine the - you -

Kit: No, Ivan, please. Please, please, please. Please. Just listen to me. You need to hear this. (sighs) I - I'm a straight woman. A two-months-from-50-year lifetime heterosexual woman. If you... if you were a man... you would be the perfect man

[Ivan smiles at her.]

Kit: And I know that there are people... who could be better for you and... just... give you what you're looking for.

Ivan: Do you know what you're looking for, Kit?

Kit: (shaking head) No. No, not in the big picture sense that you mean.

Ivan: Then how do you know I can't give it to you?


[Gene and Jenny are hugging goodbye.]

Gene: See ya later.

[Gene blows a kiss to her.]

Jenny: Bye.

[Jenny goes back inside the garage. A few moments later, Tim comes storming out of the house.]


[Tim barges into the garage, angry.]

Tim: Who the f*ck was that?

[Jenny is getting her stuff together to take a shower. She looks at Tim, then looks back at what she's doing.]

Jenny: I don't think that's any of your business.

Tim: What? Jenny, this is my house. I think it's my business if you're f*cking some other guy in my house!

Jenny: No. (shaking head) You and I are getting a divorce.

[Tim suddenly lashes out and knocks her shower stuff in the floor. He screams at the top of his lungs at her.]

Tim: Look at me! Because you fell in love with another woman!

Jenny: (a beat) And that relationship has ended. And now I'm dating other people. (frustrated) What difference does it make if I'm dating a man or a woman, Tim?

Tim: The difference is that we were engaged! You were supposedly in love with me! You swore that if you were ever gonna be with a man again, I was the man you were gonna be with! The only man!

Jenny: (frustrated) And I believed it when I said it to you, Tim!

Tim: (calm) But it wasn't true. Jenny, you've taken our whole relationship... turned it into this... enormous f*cking lie!

[Jenny looks down, sad.]

Tim: (calm) I don't want you in my life anymore. (a beat) It doesn't feel good.

[Jenny is devastated. She stares at the table.]

Jenny: (whispering) Um. Do you want me to move out?

[Tim tosses up a hand, finally calming himself.]

Tim: It's gotta be better than this, right?

Jenny: (nodding) Yeah.


[The museum is preparing for the grand opening of the "Provocations" exhibit later on that night. Lots of people - carpenters, museum employees, etc., mill around, getting everything ready. Bette is dressed in jeans, walking quickly through the exhibit areas, followed by James. She carries a bag of name tags to place next to the pieces of artwork.]

Bette: I know that the sequencing is completely wrong in this room. I mean, (pointing) obviously that is an Opie, that is not a Spinace. So I think what we have to...

[Candace brushes past Bette with a large piece of white plastic for something she's helping another carpenter with. Bette is suddenly completely distracted and loses her train of thought.]

Bette: (to James) ... do is to, um...

[Candace continues on about her work, helping another carpenter set the plastic down across a lit display stand.]

Bette: (to James) Actually, can you do that?

[Bette hands the bag of tags to James.]

James: Yeah.

Bette: I mean - I - I need... uh, 45 minutes in my office.

James: Sure, absolutely.

[Bette doesn't look happy. She heads toward her office. Candace sees her go. James wanders off with the tags.]


[Bette slides open the door to her office and slowly walks inside. She begins to slide the door closed, but decides to keep it open about a third of the way.]

[Bette steps a few feet into her office and stares at the floor. She looks nervous and guilty. A few moments later, Candace slowly walks to the door. She slides it open and walks in, and slowly walks over to Bette. They both stand there in silence for a moment, staring at each other as if what they're doing is a dirty task that's unavoidable. Bette's face shows the shame of her desire and the desolation in the false comfort.]

[After a moment, Bette slowly turns and walks to the door. She slides it closed, then locks it. She leans her forehead against the door; her body language seems to say that their union will be as undeniable as it will be inevitably empty.]

[Candace slowly walks up behind Bette and slides her arms around her waist. She puts her face in Bette's hair, and Bette begins to react. She takes one of Candace's hands and kisses it, then turns around. They kiss desperately.]

[Bette hurriedly reaches down and unzips her own jeans. She grabs Candace's hand and presses it inside. They begin to f*ck; "f*ck" is the only word for it. Candace presses Bette hard against the door over and over.]

[As the camera pans away, Bette looks up to the ceiling. She looks lost and deeply sad - the connection she wanted and needed is just not here, with Candace.]


[The L.A. skyline. The city lights twinkle in the dark, traffic and police sirens are heard in the distance.]


[Jenny sits at her laptop, writing. As she writes, we hear her voice - and her voice in another tone that's deeper and more calm. The two voices overlap each other, echoing. The separate voice here is recognized out of italics.]

Jenny: (voice over) Jennifer I... JDS Jennifer Schecter... Jennifer JD am not too sure of who I am because there are several of me. a/k/a Jen They float up from me like phantoms. Sarah Schuster And slink off to commit acts for which I may or may not be responsible.

[The scene cuts to show Jenny now sitting at her desk, writing with a pen in a notebook.]

Jenny: (voice over) Jennifer Diane Schecter is not at all sure whether any of this happened, or whether it was simply a tale as told to JDS, by JD, after a poem by J. I, JDS., Jennifer Schecter JDS have so many selves.

[Words flash upon the screen:]

a/k/a Sarah Schuster

Jenny: (voice over) Jennifer. Jen. JD. JDS. Sarah Schuster. I don't know where I begin.

[Gene knocks on the door.]

Jenny: (voice over) Or if I end. Or if I end.

[Jenny stops writing and looks up. Gene opens the door and steps inside. He's dressed in a suit, and has combed his hair back.]

Gene: Hey.

Jenny: Is it time to go?

Gene: "Provocations" starts at 7:30. But, you know. Take your time.

[Jenny chuckles.]


[Bette is taking a shower before she has to get ready to unveil "Provocations" at the museum. She leans against the shower wall and stares at her hands. She is consumed with guilt. She slowly slides down the shower wall and curls up in the corner, quietly crying.]

Tina: (offscreen) Babe? Have you seen my dress?

[Bette hangs her head.]

[Tina stands outside the shower area.]

Tina: Are you - baby?

[Tina steps into the shower area and peers through the glass of the shower doors. She sees Bette and grabs a towel and opens the shower door.]

Tina: Sweetheart, c'mon, let's get you out of here.

[Tina steps into the shower and shuts off the water. She kneels next to Bette.]

Tina: Baby, we have to have you there in 40 minutes.

[Bette still huddles in the corner, silent, not looking at Tina. Tina wraps the towel around her.]

Tina: Baby, what's going on?

[Tina helps Bette stand.]

Tina: You are so exhausted.

Bette: I... I am. I'm exhausted.

[Bette wavers on her feet a little, but Tina steadies her. She brushes the hair back from Bette's face as she comforts her.]

Tina: You just need to get through today and tonight... and then you can crash. You deserve to just fall apart.

Bette: (quietly) I might.

Tina: Well, if you do, I'll take care of you.

[Bette smiles a little. Tina hugs her.]

Tina: Okay?

]Bette squints her eyes shut as Tina hugs her, trying not to cry. Tina gently rocks her and pats her head.]

Tina: Gonna be okay? Hm?

[Bette stares at the shower wall. She takes a breath.]

Bette: Tee?

[The hug ends. Tina stands close to Bette, looking into her eyes. Bette looks terribly sad. Tina brushes the hair from Bette's face again.]

Bette: I... I really... (clears throat) I really want us to try again to have a baby. I want - I need us to start our family.

Tina: (rubbing Bette's arm) Maybe in a couple of months. Okay? I need a little time. And then we'll do it. We'll start our family. (smooths Bette's hair) I just need some time.

[Bette leans forward. They share a small kiss. Bette leans forward for more, but Tina pulls back. Bette begins to cry. Tina kisses her on the forehead.]

Tina: Let's get you dressed.

[Tina hugs Bette. Bette takes a deep breath and sighs.]


[At Apartment 202, Ivan knocks on the door. Kit answers.]

Ivan: Wow. You are beautiful.

[Kit leans in the door and smiles.]


[The "Provocations" opening party is in full-swing. Dozens of people mill around, chatting, inspecting the artwork, socializing with others. Dance music plays in the background. We see a couple of "Provocations" pieces that have been seen throughout the season - the Jesus film by Isabella Pernao, and a painting depicting naked men strung up and being flogged by men wearing leather.]

[Bette and Tina enter the C.A.C. Camera bulbs start flashing.]

Reporter #1: Bette! Bette Porter!

Reporter #2: Bette! Can you look this way!

[Bette stops to speak to a reporter.]

Reporter #3: Miss Porter, what is "Provocations" about? And follow-up question, Bette, uh, how much is the C.A.C. spending on security?

[Candace stands nearby, dressed up in a white suit, totally contrary to her usual overalls and toolbelt. She's talking to another woman, her friend Mikela.]

Bette: "Provocations" is the edge of our present culture, where we stand and face ourselves before we jump - into an unknown future.

Reporter #3: Thank you.

[We cut to different spots in the museum, showing different pieces of artwork. One is a man walking, naked; one is a closeup of a face in repose; one is indecipherable red figures against a blue backdrop.]


[Gene and Jenny are admiring a photograph on the wall. The photo is of a woman's back. A childlike scene of a house, a sun, a cloud and two women holding hands has been carved in her back.]

Gene: Um... (to Jenny) Do you have one of those?

Jenny: I, actually, I have many. Do you wanna see?

Gene: Um, no thanks.

Jenny: Are you sure?

[Gene puts her arm around Jenny. They start to walk away.]

Gene: Mm-hmm.

Jenny: Really?

Gene: Maybe later.

Jenny: Okay.

[They run into Tim and his date, Trish from the swim team. Tim looks pleasantly surprised to have run into them.]

Tim: Hey.

Jenny: Hey.

Tim: How are you?

Gene: Hey.

Jenny: Hey, Trish.

Trish: Hi. How are you.

Gene: (to Tim) (extending hand) Gene Feinberg.

Tim: (shaking hand) Hey. Tim. Haspel. It's good to meet you.

Gene: Yeah, you too.

Tim: Uh, has she... told you she's a dyke?

[Tim leads Trish away. Gene looks at Jenny.]

Gene: Well, you know, you told me that you were in love with that woman and that now you're sleeping with another woman, but... you didn't tell me you were a dyke.

Jenny: (smiling) I am so sorry.

[They laugh and walk off together.]


[Tonya and Dana walk in together, arm in arm. This time they aren't dressed exactly alike - Tonya in a skirt and Dana in striped suit- but somehow they seem to be joined at the hip. Dana sees Tina, Shane and Alice nearby.]

Dana: Hey, you guys!

Tonya: Hey!

Tina: Hey, you're here. Wow, you look, um...

Alice: Alike!

[Tonya looks offended, but covers with a laugh.]

Dana: (laughing) No we don't! She's in a skirt!

Tonya: (to Alice) (pointing to Dana) And, stripes!

[Everybody kind of looks at Tonya and Dana as Tonya and Dana continue laughing. They seem to be becoming the same person. Tonya suddenly waves to someone nearby.]

Tonya: (to Dana) You have to meet Melissa Rivers. (calling out) Melissa, honey, hi!

[Tonya walks off with Dana. Tina and Shane watch them go. Alice looks at Tina and Shane.]

Alice: Well, I mean...

Shane: She's not that bad.

Tina: She's not.

Shane: And until you have some concrete evidence, I'd say drop it.

Alice: (folding arms) Allright, I think she killed Mr. Piddles. That's what.

[Shane rolls her eyes.]

Tina: Oh, god, why would she do that?

Alice: Maybe she didn't like the competition!

Shane: It's because Mr. Piddles was gonna inherit Dana's fortune and Tonya murdered him so she could be the next in line, right? Right? Drop it.

[Shane walks off.]

Tina: C'mon.

[Tina puts her arm around Alice. They start to walk off.]

Alice: She's so f*cking cranky.


[Shane walks outside in front of the building to have a cigarette. Several people are out here, enjoying drinks and conversation. Shane sees Cherie talking with some people. She starts to approach her. Steve walks toward his wife with some drinks, and sees Shane. He steps in her path. Cherie looks over.]

Steve: (to Shane) If you ever come near my wife or my daughter, there's not one street in this town you won't be able to walk down without fearing for your life. You understand me?

[Steve walks over to Cherie and hands her a drink and walks off. Cherie and Shane look at each other sadly. Cherie walks off.]


[Tina sees Candace, who's standing in a corner talking to her friend Mikela. She approaches her.]

Tina: Candace. Hi, congratulations.

[Tina and Candace shake hands.]

Tina: The displays look so beautiful.

Candace: Thank you, thanks. Hey, Tina, this is my friend, Mikela.

Tina: Hi.

[Tina and Mikela shake hands.]

Mikela: Hello.

Tina: Nice to meet you.

Candace: (to Tina) You look beautiful.

[Tina smiles and blushes. Bette suddenly appears out of nowhere and stands next to Tina.]

Bette: (to Candace) Doesn't she? (to Mikela) Hi, I'm Bette Porter.

[Bette and Mikela shake hands.]

Mikela: Mikela Michaels.

Bette: Nice to meet you.

Mikela: And you.

[Bette looks around at the museum and smiles at Candace.]

Bette: (to Candace) Looks a lot different than it did earlier this morning, doesn't it?

Candace: It's a triumph for you.

Bette: Oh, not for me. For the artists.

Mikela: And the piece in the other room? "Jesus" -

Bette: "Jesus Is In Me."

Mikela: That one's absolutely amazing.

Bette: Yeah. (pointing) The artists, uh, is right over there, Isabella Pernao. (to Candace/Mikela) The chairman of my board is making strange hand signals. I'd better go. Tina?

Tina: (to Candace) Bye!

[Candace watches them go. Bette turns as she walks and gives Candace a dire look.]


[Steve and Cherie are now inside, talking to some other people. Steve is into the conversation, but Cherie is disinterested. She wanders off, looking around.]


[Gene and Jenny and Tonya and Dana stand off in a corner. Gene is entertaining them by explaining animal mating habits.]

Gene: Actually, there's a whole school of thought on animal desire, which extends way beyond just the instinct to reproduce. Um... for example, same-sex walruses have been seen... uh...

[Jenny takes Gene's hand.]

Gene: ... kissing one another, which, uh, can't really be explained in terms of biological imperative. So, I mean, it certainly implies -

Jenny: (smiling) Oh, my god.