03x12 - Left hand of the goddess

[bunniefuu]

The L Word - x - Left hand of the goddess


JENNY: Previously on The L Word.

This is Bette.
This is Angelica's other mother.

Thanks for letting us hang with Angelica today.

- You want me to take a picture?
- A family picture.

You're Angelica's intended parent.

California court would almost certainly grant the adoption.

That's not what I want.
I don't want - joint custody.

Don't tell me you're trying to get out of child support.

I want sole custody.

MAN: Her blood pressure started to fall, and, in spite of our best efforts, her heart failed, and we couldn't bring her back.

Are you gonna sell out?

Start sleeping with the enemy?

If you think men are the enemy, then you and I have a problem.

I'm her girlfriend.

We live in the same house, and we sleep in the same bed, Mother.

Get out, both of you.

Would you marry me?

Yes.

(DOORBELL RINGS )

- Hi.
- Hi.

Come on in.

Scratch me.

No, harder.

- I don't want to hurt you.
- It's okay.

I just want to feel something.

I want you to make me bleed.

Please, make me bleed.

(GROANS )

LARA: it's sort of like a Mexican wedding cake. it's got pineapple and walnuts in it.

ALICE: Lara, you're a culinary genius.

JENNY: Do you guys think that Shane's gonna go through with it?

BETTE: I have to admit, I'm a little bit surprised that she's gotten this far.

All I can say is she'd better go through with it, because I've booked rooms at the Fairmont Chateau Whistler.

Not to mention the... What else is there?

- The private ski instructor...
- A lay minister, the chapel...

- The fondue.
- The fondue...

- The massages.
- ...the bachelor party.

That's very generous of you.

It's nice to have rich friends, isn't it?

You know, it makes me...it makes me happy to do it, 'cause Shane doesn't have any family, and Carmen, you know, I don't know if any of them are coming.

- Are any of her family coming?
- I don't believe so.

Oh, my God.
You guys haven't heard about Shane?

- Do you know?
- BETTE: What?

That Shane's meeting her dad tomorrow.

- What?
- LARA: I thought Shane was an orphan.

- No.
- A couple of weeks ago, her dad's wife was in a beauty salon or whatever, and she was reading Angeleno magazine...

- I did that.
- HELENA: Right, that piece about Wax.

I haven't seen that.

And she gave it to her dad, and the dad called.

ALICE: Well, Shane's dad's wife saw the piece.

Anyway... Shane is going to Oregon City to visit Gabriel McCutcheon.

- Wow.
- LARA: Am I seeing you later?

BETTE: Heavy.
KIT: That's deep.

I think I'm going to go, you guys.

- Bye, Lara.
- Bye, Alice.

- Your cake was fantastic. Really good.
- Thank you.

- It was really good.
- Bye-bye, Alice.

Yes, this one?

- KIT: Bette, can I have your cake?
- Bye!

Hey, Alice?

Yeah?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I am. I just have a lot to do, with the wedding and everything.

Thanks for asking.

No, I don't want Carmen to know. I don't want to get her hopes up.

Just make sure the hotel is holding the rooms, all right?

You should see Carmen.
She looks incredible.

Fine. I've got to go. Bye.

Twist and turn and shake it all out.

(SINGING)

I don't know, what should I do?

Should I go, like, bridal femme?

Should I totally, like, try and butch it up in some way?

HELENA: What's Shane doing? Is she wearing a traditional tux?

No, it's Shane, so she's not going to do anything traditional.

You know what? it doesn't matter.

You should just do whatever feels good for you.

ALICE: Now try this one.

- What?
- I don't know. I don't know.

Am I really trying to marry the most unobtainable person on the face of this planet?

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

it's okay.

You were thinking about ditching on me, weren't you?

- No, I...
- Yes, you were. I saw it in your eyes.

Come on. it's okay.

GABRIEL: So, you're a hairdresser at a skateboard shop.

I might need an explanation.

Don't really have one. it's just what I do.

Okay.

Have you always wanted to do that?

- Did you go to school for it?
- No.

I just kind of picked it up along the way.

You're not giving me a lot to work with here.

You don't like answering questions, huh?

I don't either.

So, you go ahead.

Ask me something.

Why'd you want to meet me?

I didn't. My wife, Carla, made me.

At least you're honest.

When I saw you standing out there on the street, when I saw you deciding if you were going to ditch me,

I was thinking the exact same thing.

I bet you were.

Kind of like when I was little, right?

Kind of. Sort of.

This needs to be taken in like this.

CARMEN: That's a lot, though.
JENNY: I don't like it.

Jenny, what did you wear when you got married?

- You were married?
- JENNY: Yes.

Well, I wore a beautiful pair of black Converse, with a great pair of ripped tights with dirt on them.

- CARMEN: Oh, my God.
- And a jean skirt, and then I wore this beautiful old, ripped, stained, pink sweatshirt.

It was awesome.

Not exactly the wedding dress of your childhood dreams.

I didn't really have that childhood thing of, you know, getting married.

You know, that all little girls are supposed to have that kind of dream, right?

Not little gay girls.

Wow.

I think this has "Jenny" written all over it.

- BETTE: That's beautiful. Look at the beads.
- Oh, my God.

When Tina and I were talking about getting married, we were both going to wear fabulous dresses.

How come you guys didn't get married?

Tina thought it would be too conventional.

She didn't want to cleave to the heterosexual paradigm.

ALICE: Now it's cleaving all over her.

Oh, God. Come back to us, Tina. Come back on our side.

f*ck that. They can have her.

ALICE: I think you would look beautiful in your wedding dress.

Go on, Bette.

Try it on.

No, thanks.

CARMEN: I mean, I knew I was gay since I was , but I don't know, I always just kind of dreamed of something like this.

GABRIEL: I was an assistant foreman at the pulp mill until I hurt my back.

Now I drive a truck for a beverage distributor.

- How'd you hurt your back?
- Thank you.

We have these long backs, you know?

And we tend to hunch forward and slouch our shoulders.

You always did it as a kid.

I used to come watch you.

I'd see you on the playground at the church school.

And you always looked...

So pissed off.

You never talked to me.

I wouldn't have been much good to you back then.

All I cared about was getting high, getting laid.

I'd probably still be doing it if my friend Chuck hadn't OD'd.

I'm sorry.

As strung out as I was, it really shakes you hard when you lose someone that you're really close to.

Yeah.

I...

I just lost a really close friend recently, so...

Yeah.

So...

Why don't you come home with me for dinner?

Be a good time to meet Carla and Shay.

Who's Shay?

We almost called him Shane, because I love the name so much.

I named you that, you know.

She's been with Tina at Henry's for the last two nights.

I don't know why I should have to share my time.

Because it would look bad in court if Tina tells the judge that you refused to fly on the same plane with her.

Her boyfriend is coming up on the weekend.

Why can't she just wait and go up with him?

Look, Joyce, I can't be in close quarters with her. I just can't.

Just be genial and civil, okay?

Just do it for your kid.

But whatever you do, Bette, please, don't cause a scene.

Well, what if she brings up the custody plan?

Well, you don't tell her that we're going for sole custody.

We don't want her to know about that until we file our brief.

I know.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

I think I'm going to take that job.

Excellent. That will play very well in court.

Dean of a prestigious art school.

And it can't hurt when it comes to pulling in chicks.

Excuse me?

Lots of pretty, young art students.

You'll be like a kid in a candy store.

God, Joyce.

That's completely unethical.
I would never do anything like that.

I... Excuse me.

I am so sorry, Counselor.

I need to talk to you right away.

What's the matter?
What happened to you?

- I've got to talk to you.
- Excuse me.

Why are we going in the bathroom?

What's that?

What do you think?

It looks like a home pregnancy test.

Come on. Kit, you're in menopause.
You can't be pregnant.

Who says?

It's a home test.

I mean, they're totally unreliable.

You have to do more than one.
You can't do...

f*ck.

My quantum photon chip is going to blow everything else out of the water. it's great.

The Methodware's totally becoming a regular feature of my toolkit.

I want to develop a program that navigates documentation for lT process best practices.

I like the way you think, Max.

Original thinkers are our most valuable pieces of manpower.

I've always been really interested in technological innovation.

WOMAN: Come talk to me, Max. I already have the market texture.

Jenny, my wife glazes over, too, when I get going on this stuff.

I'm sorry. Do I appear a little spaced-out?

I think about all kinds of things when I'm out with these guys.

I think about my pedicure, my kids' homework, my charity auction.

JENNY: I'm thinking about this story that I'm working on about how when I was , I used to masturbate like times a day, and I'm not sure whether I should make it, like, fiction or, like, a New Yorker-style essay piece.

I don't know.

You know?

Dinner was phenomenal. Thank you.

CARLA: it was okay.

It was great.

- Score!
- Nice sh*t. You got past my goal.

Good job. There you go.

I knew you were his daughter, and it wasn't just because of the name.

It was the picture.

You have his genes.

CARLA: He has very strong genes.

I mean, look at all three of you.

Hey, Shay, Shane has a skateboard shop.

You skateboard?

I do. I do.
We even have a half pipe at the store.

SHAY: Cool!

It looks like you're doing real well there.

I mean, you have your own line of hair products and everything.

"Shane for Wax." I love that.

Thank you.
That was my partner Chase's idea.

CARLA: Is he the boy with the Mohawk?

Yeah, that's him, in the picture. Yeah.

Are you two...

No, no.

CARLA: Oh.

Come on.

Come on, finish your dinner, or I'll take the game off the table.

(CARLA CLEARS THROAT)

I'm actually getting married next week.

CARLA: Wow!

Wow, that's wonderful. Gabe!

You're getting married. Wow.

Who knew?

Not me.

Well, I mean, just because it took you years to settle down, Gabe...

Everywhere we went, women just threw themselves at him.

He didn't even have to do anything.

Nobody ever thought he'd settle down.

And look at me now.

Well, it looks pretty good.

It's great.

So, what's he do, your guy?

She's a DJ.

And her name's Carmen.

Well, see, I told you.

I looked at your picture and I said, "I bet she's gay."

GABRIEL: She did. She nailed that.

Yeah.

SHAY: Yes!

You won!

SHAY: My dad always lets me win.

GABRIEL: So, where are you getting married?

In Whistler.

- Canada.
- Yeah.

Oh, right. You can do that there, yeah?

Yes, you can.

Just... Yeah.

Hey, we should go.

I mean, it's so close. We...

Honey, slow down.
We haven't exactly been invited.

No, you're invited.

I'd like for you guys to be there.

If... if, you know... if you would like.

ALICE: I want to believe, my friends.

Believe me, I do.

'Cause my friend Shane is getting married this weekend.

And I want to believe for Shane, and I want to believe for all of the rest of us who are flailing around in this abyss, trying to feel what we're supposed to feel in order to connect in meaningful ways...

I want to believe that real, true connection among human beings is actually possible.

And, supposedly, marriage connects us.

I mean, supposedly, it improves our moral fiber and all.

Which begs the question, I mean, why do these crazy, creepy, defending-the-family crusaders think it's a bad thing for gays?

I mean, why can't they just wish us well?

Hypocrites.

ALICE: 'Cause we're going to Canada, people, whether you like it or not, to take our best sh*t at this connection.

And if we fail, it is not because we are less wholesome than you are.

Please. I mean, you guys have been failing at this miserably since the beginning of recorded history.

And if we succeed and our love connections actually flourish and there's a little less loneliness in the world, then even I might start believing in miracles.

Welcome to the Fairmont Chateau Whistler.

- ...freezing. it's a lovely spot.
- Hi.

Hello.

MAX: Wow, look at this place.

Here comes the bride.

Look at this!

- Happy?
- This is amazing!

It's so nice you're here for their wedding, Peggy.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

They're all dressed in the same clothes.

She didn't think they were coming, though.

ALICE: I think Helena might have had something to do with it.

(SOBBING)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

I couldn't miss it.
My baby getting married.

Everybody, this is Carmen's friend, Helena.

She's the one that phoned me and invited us all and paid for our plane tickets and our hotel rooms.

(WOMAN EX CLAIMING)

- Thank you, Helena.
- It's my pleasure.

- You have a big family.
- I know.

I guess it grows on trees.

Anna says you bought a dress.

I need to check it.

I want to make sure the jewelry goes with it.

And look, we have Evi to do your hair.

And Shane. Shane...

You're going to make such a handsome bride... Groom.

- Thank you.
- So handsome.

- Carmencita.
- Yes?

You are coming with us.

We are going sightseeing at the Whistler Village.

Not allowed to see her now until the wedding.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- Go.
- Bye.

Come on. Come on.

- CARMEN: Bye.
- Bye.

Hey, baby.
Sure you don't want to come up?

MAX: it's really fun.

All right. I'll see you later.

WOMAN: Do you hate skiing also?

I just hate all the bullshit that you have to go through with all the equipment.

Me, too.

I don't do any leisure activities that require me to use more than one piece of equipment.

Except sex.

Sex isn't a leisure activity.

What is sex, then?

Sometimes it's a revelation.

Sometimes it's fun.

Sometimes it's scary.

Sometimes it's tepid.

Which is it with your friend?
I'm interested.

I've never been with a transsexual.

That's a personal question.

I only ask questions that are personal.

Questions that are not can be answered by a textbook.

Besides, I'm writing an article.

About sex with a transsexual?

Unfortunately, no.

Just a very silly article for a very silly magazine.

Gay travel destinations.

So, I'd like to know what it's like here for you and...

Max.

Why is your article silly?

Because I think every places should be a gay travel destination.

We limit ourselves with these stupid...

Labels.

Labels.

WOMAN: August Wilson wasn't ashamed of being a black writer.

His entire oeuvre was the black experience, and he never apologized for it.

I don't want to be labeled as a gay writer.

Why?

Why?

What are you afraid of?

Because you said that you didn't like labels.

Can you handle it?

JENNY: Lick it up, like a cat.

Thank you, Buster the horse.
Thank you, Baby the horse.

- We're almost back.
- What's he going to say?

What's he going to say?
How do you make the horsy stop?

- You say, "Whoa!"
- MAN: Whoa, whoa.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

That was incredible. Did you see her face?

I know. I know. So sweet.

That was almost as good as her first step.

I wouldn't know.

You were on retreat. I tried to call you.

Anyway, I think it was good that we were both here to see it.

Yeah, I'm glad I was here.

So, Shane, where is your lovely bride?

Peggy, this is Shane's bachelor party.
Brides are excluded.

Oh, my goodness.

I had no idea you were such role-playing lesbians.

SHANE: Come on, we're not. You know, actually, I'd like for her to be here, but her family's so traditional, so I stepped back.

I think that's nice.

I think that's regressive.

Well...

We're pretty traditional in our family, too, aren't we, Mummy?

Look, Bette and Tina are here, now.

Time for dinner. Please, take my hand, and let me bury my head in your ample bosom if I get a little too emotional.

You got quite an appetite there, girl.
Better save some room for the fondue.

I'm pregnant.

(LAUGHING)

No f*cking way.

No, don't do that. Stop it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That was completely stupid.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Let me try this again.

I don't know what you're planning, but it's certainly your decision,

- completely and totally.
- You got that right.

Yeah, okay, but I just want you to know that I'm with you.

I'll support you in whatever decision you make.

Specifically, I'll...

I'll take you to the doctor, and I'll hold your hand during the procedure, and I'll drive you home and put you to bed with a hot water bottle, or, you know, if you decide to go through with it, I'll...

I'll be your Bradley coach, and I'll bust my ass to save enough money to put our kid through college.

(CLINKING ON GLASSES )

JENNY: Okay, everybody, we would like to make a toast to our dear friend Shane.

Yes, Shane. We have been through a lot together as friends, especially in the last few months.

Shane, the thing that you've taught us about friendship is about being fearless.

So, thank you very much, Shane, for convincing me to cut off my lustrous, mink-like, long, long mane as short as humanly possible.

And Shane, thank you very much for not making it look like yours.

(ALL LAUGHING)

- it's really grown back fast.
- Yes, it has.

Shane, thank you, as a friend, for saving me from going home with that girl that night.

You know the one I'm talking about.

And, as a friend, taking her home yourself instead.

Thank you.

Shane, only you could make a two-piece pleatherette ensemble look good...

- At : in the morning.
- Drunk.

After a one-night stand.

But, in all seriousness, you are our best friend.

Shane, you're the most loyal friend I, and I think I can speak for the group, that we have ever met, and you've never left our sides when things have become dark, and I think that you've taught the whole group that people's rough edges are beautiful.

And we know that if Dana was here, that she would be very happy to know that you were marrying someone you love.

ALICE: So, we love you very much, and congratulations.

JENNY: To Shane!
HELENA: To Shane!

- To Shane!
- All the best. Congratulations.

Congratulations.

ALICE: From the bottom of my heart, congratulations.

PEGGY: So, my dear Shane, although I don't understand why you would embrace an institution that breeds conformity and restricts free will, that said, if you give one another children,

I only hope that they're as generous and kind and lovely as the one my good-for-nothing Brit gave me.

ANGUS: What about that?
Are you guys gonna have kids?

What? She was the one who brought it up.

ALICE: You're not gonna have kids.
You don't want 'em, do you?

(STAMMERS )

- Yeah, I think I do.
- ALICE: You do?

Yeah.

I think you'd be a wonderful parent.

Yeah, Carmen would be really beautiful pregnant.

What makes you think that Shane wouldn't carry the baby?

I don't know about that.
I don't know if I'd go that far.

But I think that, in any event,

I think kids are such a beautiful gift, because...

I mean, I don't know. I mean, I look at...

Look at that little one.
And I see the love that you have for her, and the love that you actually have for each other, despite the things you're going through, and...

I don't know, it just seems that sometimes love just doesn't last the way you hope it will, but if you get through that pain, it just...it could last in ways that are more precious.

Maybe.

Possibly.

Wow.

I'm Alice. it's nice to meet you.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Anyway, Shane, as your best man, it is my honor to present you with a gift

from your bride-to-be.

SHANE: What?

Yes.

So, this is a gift from Carmen to Shane with all her heart.

- Come on, get up.
- SHANE: What is it?

Come on.

What the hell is this?

I'm not sure.

GOD-DES: Hey, congratulations, Shane.

My name's GOD-DES and this is SHE, and Carmen wanted me to tell you something really important, that there actually is a prescription to a happy marriage, and this is it.

(SINGING RAP SONG)

Oh, my God.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Good night, sweetie.

Tina? it was a really...it was a really nice night.

It felt really good to be together and getting along.

She really... She loved the sleigh ride.

So did I.

That's what I hope for us, Bette.

We're a family, and I hope we can do family things together.

I think that's what would be best for Angelica.

And maybe one day, when we're ready, we can take vacations together.

Yeah, I would really... I'd really like that.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Hi, Joyce. it's Bette Porter calling.

Listen, I... l may be having a change of heart.

I want you to hold off sending that letter to Tina's lawyer.

I'm not sure that I want to go for sole custody.

I don't... I don't think it's in Angelica's best interest, so...

Anyway, call me when you get this message.

Thanks.

(CLEARS THROAT)

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Can I come in?
- Yeah.

But I think we should talk.

What do you want to talk about?

What's happening between us.

How you're feeling. How I'm feeling.

I don't... I don't want to talk.

I don't want to talk.

Good night.

I loved my present.

And I want to show you exactly what they taught me.

- You can't come in.
- Why not?

It's against the rules.

- Come on, it's not against the rules.
- Shane.

You know that.

I want to show you our room.

- SHANE: Please. You'll like it, I promise.
- Yeah.

(CARMEN MOANING)

- You know it's not against the rules.
- Okay.

GABRIEL: I hope that's Carmen.

SHANE: Hey, you made it.

GABRIEL: Of course we made it.

Oh, my God!

Gabriel McCutcheon. My wife, Carla.

- CARMEN: Hi.
- Hi.

Very good to meet you.

Hi.

- Thank you.
- Welcome.

Thank you. Hello.
I'm so glad that you guys made it.

Me, too.

Honey, we should probably, you know, go to sleep, leave these two alone.

Yeah, I'm going to go to bed, too. I think tomorrow's kind of a big day.

Let's us get a drink.

Yeah, let's do it.

He's a total night owl.
Never goes to sleep before : a.m.

CARMEN: Oh, my God.

This one is the exact same way, : a.m.
Right?

- Good night.
- Bye.

Have sweet dreams. See you in a bit.

- See you tomorrow.
- Okay.

Bye.

So, aren't you two gonna go skiing?

Never skied, and I don't figure today is the best day to start.

You could take a private lesson.

Yeah, that's right. You should.

HELENA: You know, we have private instructors for everyone.

I think Carmen and her sisters are up there.

BETTE: Really?

No, you go on.
We're just gonna hang out here.

Okay, well, what should we do?

Should we stay at Blackcomb, or should we check out Whistler?

- Whistler. More snow.
- All right. Let's go.

- SHANE: Bye.
- Bye-bye.

You know, if there's anything you two need, this whole wedding's like a gift to Shane from me,

so just talk to me, okay?

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. it's beautiful up here, isn't it?

Hi. I'm Marilyn.

You gonna try it?

I see my friends down there.

The two boys on the snowboards?

Well, they're not boys.

Well, one of them is, sort of.

The other one, Shane, she's getting married tonight to her girlfriend, Carmen.

I think I'm marrying them.

What do you mean?

I'm a marriage commissioner.

I perform wedding ceremonies, mostly same-sex couples.

Nice to meet you.

ALICE: So I just... l think it was too much for me, losing her twice.

Yeah, you're like Roxane in Cyrano de Bergerac.

"In my life, I've had but one love, "and now I must lose him twice."

How is it that you're years old and you've only slept with two women?

I mean, when did you realize you were a d*ke?

Well, Alice, in , I was married and living in Palo Alto, California.

I joined this women's consciousness-raising group, and there was this woman, Teri.

She was so free and in her sexual power. I was wildly attracted to her.

So, you guys got it on?

No, we kissed once, and I guess I was too scared.

No, the first time I made love to a woman was about one year later.

She was an heiress.

- An heiress?
- Yeah.

She hired my husband, Chet, to design her West Coast corporate headquarters.

She was fabulous.

So beautiful and arrogant.

So, you slept with your husband's boss.

- Yeah.
- That's a pretty bad girl.

Yeah, we had a wild affair, and then she broke my heart.

Really?

Jetted off to London, married some penniless aristocrat, and I went home to my stifling family life and didn't come out of the closet for another years.

Hey, I have a proposition for you, Alice.

HENRY: I'm just asking you to think about it, that's all.

You know I'm not suggesting that Bette shouldn't be in Angelica's life.

I won't renege.

It's an irrevocable decision, Tina.

If you allow Bette to legally adopt Angelica, she'll be tied to you for the rest of your life.

That's what happens when two people have a baby and then they split up.

I gave her my promise.

Because you feel guilty.

Because it's the right thing to do.

What if you and I were to decide to get married?

I would never be able to be Angelica's dad.

If she already has another parent, I would be your husband, but I wouldn't legally be your daughter's father.

We're not there yet, Henry.

And Bette is Angelica's rightful parent.

You have to understand and respect that.

Here it is, hot off the press.

What is it? ls everything okay?

HELENA: Have you seen Alice today?
BETTE: No.

- Actually, I'm worried about her.
- Yeah, well, me too.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Henry should be in by now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Just as you two were sort of working it out.

It'll be all right.

Hello?

Joyce, hi.

Yeah, I'm on a ski lift. What's up?

sh*t.

You're f*cking kidding me.

Well, can you get it back?

f*ck!

Okay, tell him not to open it.

Well, then tell him not to send it to Tina.

Joyce?

sh*t!

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

f*ck.

I've got to get off this mountain.
I've got to go find Tina.

sh*t. Damn it.

Where does this go?
What's the fastest way?

The fastest way is going to be the black diamond run, but then there's moguls.

- Do you ski moguls?
- No, I cannot ski f*cking moguls.

Hold on one second. f*ck.

Hey, Tina, it's Bette.

Listen, you're going to get a letter from my lawyer today, and I just... I want you to disregard it.

It's just... it was a mistake, and I'm very, very, very sorry.

So, just disregard it, okay? And call me when you get this.

Okay, bye.

f*ck.

f*ck!

- Okay, you're all ready to go.
- Okay.

You sure you've done this before?

You don't fall into the abyss, Alice.
You take it on.

- Right, right, right. Face the abyss.
- Right.

Embrace the abyss.

Okay, did you decide on what your thing was going to be?

Yeah. Yes.

I vow that just because I'm years old does not mean

- that my romantic life is over.
- No.

And after this wedding tonight,

I'm going to stop marrying other people and find someone to marry me.

- I like it. I like that.
- Yeah.

Me, too. What about you? What's yours?

Okay, I vow to stop medicating myself with sex and dr*gs and, you know, let myself feel again.

And?

And, yeah, I'll talk to Lara about how I feel.

And I'll ask her how she feels about me.

- Okay.
- It's easy.

All right.

All right, let's do this thing. I'm ready.

- I'll see you on the other side.
- MAN: You ready?

Okay, here I go, guys.

I'm gone.

Holy sh*t!

(ALICE SCREAMING)

Keep the change, pal.
Let's get out of here. Come on.

Here we go.

Who is she?

Who is she?

- What's your name, babe?
- Patty.

Her name is Patty.

This is Shane, my daughter.

Will you excuse us a minute?

I'm sorry.

I'm not proud of this.

It's just who I am, okay?

I know you know what I'm talking about.

I hope the next wedding that I go to is in Athens or Damascus.

You would have the best meal of your life.

I think we know one another.

Oh, my God.

.

Did you get my messages?
I've been looking for you all afternoon.

Why, so you can take my daughter away from me?

Tina, I didn't mean it that way.

I tried to stop it, but I couldn't get a hold of my lawyer in time.

Your lawyer, Joyce Wischnia.

- That's nice.
- Please, Tina, try to understand, I was...

I think I understand everything I need to understand, Bette.

You're going to lose everything.
You don't have a leg to stand on.

- What, does he speak for you now?
- No, he doesn't.

Henry, don't.

Please believe me, Tina...

Look, I've changed my mind.

I don't want you to adopt my daughter.

Henry and I are thinking about starting a family, and we want Angelica to be a full part of that.

Don't do this.

I'm warning you.

(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

Alice is giving Shane away.

God.

Everyone, my name is Marilyn Shepard.

I'm the wedding official.

I've just been in touch with Shane McCutcheon.

She said that she doesn't expect you to forgive her.

She... She's not proud of this, it's just who she is.

MARILYN: She wanted me to extend her deepest apologies to all of her friends.

She loves and cherishes you more than you could possibly know.

She apologizes to the Morales family and hopes that you might forgive her someday, and maybe even understand.

But...

I'm sorry.

I'm okay.

- ALICE: Oh, no.
- CARMEN: I'm okay!

Take me home, Mom.

Don't you want to look for her?
Don't you want to know what happened?

I already know what happened.

I just want to go home and be with my family.

Okay.

Okay.

I want to get really drunk, and then I'm going to dance and dance and dance.

Would you like to dance?

You guys, it's a straight club.

You're going to make people feel uncomfortable.

Then they deserve to be uncomfortable, don't you think?

No, I don't think anyone deserves to feel uncomfortable.

Max, I don't understand why you want to be like these people.

You seem so much more interesting as who you are.

How do you know who I am?

You don't know who the f*ck I am.

How do you know I'm not like these people?

Max...

You're great the way you are and the way you were.

And you know what happens when you walk into this room?

What?

People start watching you.

They're looking at you closely, and at first they think that you're one of them, but then they look a little more closely, and then they begin to feel uneasy, because they realize that you're not.

You're always going to be one of the others.

You're like us.

You don't know that.

I'm gonna dance.

LARA: I haven't done this since I was, like, fourteen.

And it was awful, because my little sister was really good at it, and I just always ended up making big, giant knots.

- I didn't know you had a little sister.
- Yeah.

- Really?
- Yeah, I do, and three brothers.

- You do?
- Yeah.

- That's a big family.
- I know. I know.

I'm really glad that we're, you know, finally,

- kinda...
- Alice.

What? What?

I need to tell you something.

Hey, you two.
What are you doing, sitting out here?

We're just playing.

You know, trying to get over the debacle of the evening.

- Yeah, what a night, huh?
- Yeah.

Poor Carmen.

- I know.
- TINA: What do you think happened?

ALICE: Well, Shane's father found $ , , left his wife, and ran off with some floozy.

- HENRY: What?
- Yeah.

- Hey!
- TINA: Where did Shane's dad get $ , ?

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Is that what happened?

Well, he has no money.

He wanted to buy her a wedding gift.
It was heartbreaking.

MAN: Mrs. Peabody, will there be anything else?

No, no, no, fine. I'll be there in a moment.

My darling, I have cherished the time we've spent together.

It has reaffirmed all of my recent convictions.

And now, because I love you so very much, I'm going to do something truly radical.

Mummy, he told me he was going to

- buy her a gift.
- Sweetheart, sweetheart,

I'm cutting you off financially.

From this moment forth, you are going to have to make relationships with people who love you for yourself, not your money.

You're not serious.

This is going to turn your life around, darling.

You're such a wonderful girl, such a beautiful girl, with such a surprisingly kind heart.

You need to know that people love you even if you are penniless.

MARILYN: it was wonderful to meet you, Helena.

I look forward to getting to know you better.

Thank you. Thank you, my dear.

ALICE: Wow. Go, Marilyn.

It's okay. it's okay.

I cannot believe what Peggy did.

- I know.
- That was so...

- I don't know how she's going to make it.
- I know.

- Did you see the look on her face?
- Yeah.

She looked like a little girl. it's crazy.

Where is she?

Where are they?

I don't know. Out?

What's that?

"Everything was fine with the little one. We read her favorite book

"until her other mother came for her."

f*ck you, Bette.

Bette, it's Tina.

This is not okay.
This is not your night with Angelica.

Do you understand? This is not okay.
Where the hell are you?

BETTE: it's okay, baby. it's okay.

Everything's going to be just fine.

Yeah, Angelica and Mama Bee, we're just going to go for a little adventure until we figure out what to do next.

Okay?

It's okay, sweetie.

It's okay, sweetie. it's gonna be fine.

It's gonna be fine. it's gonna be fine.